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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Kill them with love and hate in equal measure, noone likes bunnies anyway.
This review proudly brought to you, by the group Authors Helping Authors.
Name of Story: Omega (chapter 9)
Grammar Score (out of ten): 8.5
Pros:
1) Conflict! Griffons attack!
2) Silver has a goddamn lightning gun.
3) Adorable, ravenous, lovable, murderous bunnies. Not only is this horrifying, it's simultaneously hilarious.
Cons:
1) Grammar took a dive again here.
2) Ponies using glue... hmmm...
3) Obselete con number is obselete
Notes:
Damn those griffons. Damn them all to hell. But! oddly enough, I do like it when griffons are the villains. I like when they're depicted wearing metal claws. I like when they're depicted as ruthless and fiercely loyal to their flocks. Finally, I love it when they attack in swarms. You sir, have officially been jumped up to second place in my favourite dark/adventure authors list, second only to DSNesmith for his perfect, perfect warfic, The Age of Wings and Steel. They just make the best villains, period, as long as the author can make them feel like a true force to be reckoned with. Which you're obviously doing, to great effect.
Maybe they can join Clan Centurio while they're at it? Earn gold, items and bonus points for slaying fell beasties and the like?
Don't think I don't know what you did here.
Here's something that left me hmmming, simply because I'm legitimately unsure whether or not you understand the implications of such a situation:
So... They're totally fine with that, then? They must have truly become hardened over the last month.
A few more than usual here:
needs a space.
Opposite problem. x2 space here.
Lose the oxford comma. I've ignored most of them, but this one is truly unnecessary.
...Okay, lose this one too.
I think a semicolon would be more appropriate here.
Yeah, I'm just assuming this is deliberate now.
Keep up the action. I look forward to seeing what the crew of the Omega gets up to. Hopefully, the rest of the recusants stay safe, and Dissy doesn't almost cark it from stupidity again. At least the bunnies know to stay away from him now.
See you in the not-too-distant future!
Adren