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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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Name of Story: Omega (chapter 6)
Grammar Score (out of ten): 9
Pros:
1) Blood... she's an... interesting character. to say the least.
2) So many external references! (at least that's my impression, I'll elaborate below)
3) No water? That's okay, we got you covered. Have some booze instead!
Cons:
1) Ember seemed uncharacteristically ruthless in this chapter. Don't have money? Set shopkeeper's stall on fire and steal single item.
2) Dissero didn't give his name for two weeks? Seems like one of the first things one would do in a strange place.
3) The usual miniature grammar gripes.
Notes:
Wow man. I'm impressed. You managed to take the infamous Pinkamena-is-a-psychotic-killer persona and project it into a completely different character. One who fits it to a T. Well done. Makes me think of Tiny Tina from Borderlands 2, except more depraved.
FFXII/FC3 bounty board much?
I forgot to mention this last chapter, but I got a huge Angels and Demons vibe from the end of chapter 5. I literally imagined Robert Langdon leaping from the helicopter before it exploded, falling hundreds of meters into the nearby Tiber river without a parachute.
I'm also getting a very Far Cry 3 vibe from Dissero waking in the bed and being cared for. Like what happens to Jason Brody when Dennis finds him. "You are not back home anymore, tourist. Here, you must learn to adapt and overcome" kinda situation. This is a sweet new direction you're leading me in.
These "recusants" are quite vicious in their own right. Hope we get some more reasons why, down the track.
Now here's the usual list:
A flash of pain.
drop the comma after scattered.
drop the apostrophe.
What will become of our young hero, Dissero? Will he survive the harsh new world he's been thrust into? Will his friends find him and rescue him? Is Blood really as twisted and demented as she seems? I'll surely find out, on the next episode of Drag... I mean, Omega!
Adren