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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Done with chapter 2 and still loving. I think it's the emotion to it. I don't know, I can just really feel what Dissy is dealing with, how angry Ember is, and how hopeless the whole situation is. I'm really liking how this world has been built, and I can't wait to read the next chapter. It's rare to see a story willing to sully the protagonist so much, and this one does it right.
This review proudly brought to you, by the group Authors Helping Authors.
Name of Story: Omega (chapter 2)
Grammar Score (out of ten): 9.5
Pros:
1) The world just keeps getting larger. Man, it's immersive as hell. I'm imagining a place like Archadia, from Final Fantasy XII
2) Speaking of Final Fantasy:
BRILLIANT!
3) Your characters' emotions are bloody brilliant. I dunno where you learned to write, but you've got how to do it pretty down.
Cons:
1) This tiiiiiiny little gripe:
Lose the final comma
2) I know you covered this already, but surely one would think that the Princess might visit at least once in however long the city has been there?
3) What is this third con, thou speakest of? 'Tis the second occurrence of its invalidity.
Notes:
The world just keeps growing! Damn, it already feels enormous, and I bet it's just the tip of the iceberg...
The poker game intro was very well handled. Poor Silver Feather, not only disabled, but unable to spend his winnings!
Yep, you've definitely got me hooked now. Was there ever any doubt?
I wonder how the guys will be getting out of this... I'm suddenly reminded of the "escape from Nalbina prison" section of FFXII. Is there a reason I'm getting so many FF vibes?
Back with more tasty reviews and nit-picks soon!
Adren