My Little Human

by dendodge

A Visit to the Vet

Pinkie Pie clumsily pushed open the door to the veterinary clinic, carrying Gummy’s tank in both arms. Pinkie was a small woman, only a smidgen over five feet tall and of a slim build, and the tank was very heavy indeed, so she struggled to carry it. She stepped into the waiting room, and made her way to the receptionist’s desk.

“I have an appointment with Dr Falter for ten o’clock,” she wheezed.
“What name is it, please?”
“Pie. Pinkamena Pie.”
“Oh, yes, please take a seat, Ms Pie. Dr Falter will see you shortly.”

Pinkie thanked the receptionist and sat down on the nearest chair, putting Gummy’s tank down on the floor. The old lady next to her was stroking a fat, long-haired, white cat, and next to her was a man with a puppy who was holding its paw in a manner that implied it was injured.

Pinkie sat reading some celebrity gossip magazine (apparently, yet another sports star had been caught having an affair, and some actress or other was gaining weight) until she was called through to Hannah’s office.

Dr Hannah Falter was a rather attractive woman, of average height, with small features and long, strawberry-blonde hair that half-covered one of her large cyan eyes. She had been at high school with Pinkie, Rebecca, and their friend Emma, but in the year above them.

She was very shy, and had always been fond of animals. Since she never spoke to anybody, she didn’t have many friends and often got teased by other students, but Pinkie and her friends had accepted her into their group regardless and had stayed in touch while she studied veterinary medicine at the local university. She had graduated only a year ago, and was the youngest and the newest vet at the clinic.

“Hey, Hannah!” Pinkie said excitedly, greeting her old friend with a hug once she had placed Gummy safely on the table.
“Oh, uh, hi, Pinkie,” Hannah replied quietly.
“How are you?”
“I’m… uh, good, thank you. How are you?”
“Well, I sorta miss Dashie already,” Pinkie replied, “but, you know, that’s normal, I guess. I’m just really worried about her. Like, really, really, worried.”
“I’m sure she’ll be fine… Now, uh, what’s wrong with Gummy?”

Pinkie described the problem as best she could, pointing out the white patches and lack of movement, and mentioned that he appeared to be in pain.

“Could it be related to his genetic condition?” she asked.
Hannah quickly became more talkative. “It’s possible. That’s a problem with the way his body makes chemicals required for growth and keratin synthesis, so—as well as his lack of teeth and claws—his scales are much weaker than those of other members of his species. So it is possible that something could have infected them, but I’ll have to run some tests to be sure… That is, if you don’t mind, of course.”
“Of course I don’t mind, silly! I just want you to make Gummy better!”
“I’ll do whatever I can… but I can’t promise anything. I’m really sorry.”

Hannah took swabs of Gummy’s scales in various places, and a couple of blood samples, and sealed them in labelled containers for tests. She smiled softly at Pinkamena, and quietly left the room.

Pinkie lifted herself up with her hands, and sat on the table next to Gummy. She gently stroked his scales. They felt dry.

“It’ll be OK, Gummy. I promise.”

The alligator made an odd growling sound in response. Pinkie gently picked him up and cradled him in her lap. He opened his mouth to reveal the toothless gums that had given him his name. He wagged his stubby tail slightly as Pinkie stroked the length of his back.

After a while, Dr Falter returned.

“Well, I’ve sent the samples off for testing,” she said quietly. “I should hopefully have the results back in about a week.”
Pinkie smiled a little. “Do you think he’ll be OK?”
“Well, I think, um… I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
“Good. I don’t think I could bear to lose him.”
After a long pause, Hannah walked over to Pinkie and sat next to her. “Are you, um, sure you’re OK, Pinkie? You seem, well, you know, different.”
“Oh, Hannah, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about me!”
“It isn’t nothing,” Hannah replied, more timidly than usual. “It isn’t. I can tell. Are you missing Rebecca?”
“She’s only been gone a day. It would be silly of me to miss her! It’s just…”
“Just what?”
“Well, she might… never come back.”
Hannah could see tears in the corners of Pinkie’s big greenish-blue eyes. “She will, Pinkie. She’s Rainbow Dash!”
“But what if she doesn’t?” Pinkie raised her voice. “What if she crashes, somewhere in Missouri, and I never see her again?”
Hannah didn’t say anything, instead embracing her sobbing friend.
“You know… the last conversation we had was an argument.”
Hannah just hugged Pinkie tighter.

---

Meanwhile, in a top secret military facility among the mountains in southern Missouri, 2nd Lt Rebecca Douglas was getting suited up for her flight.

She found herself thinking about the girlfriend she had left behind in a whole other state. Maybe she had overreacted—in fact, she had overreacted. Pinkamena was worried about her, and she had just shouted at her. If something went wrong, and she never returned—which was very possible indeed—was that how she would be remembered? She didn’t want to end on an argument.

With great apprehension, she checked her parachute and, steeling herself, lowered her body into the cockpit. She pushed some buttons, lights came on, and the aircraft began making noise. She put on her headset just in time to hear the countdown begin.

Comments

Da fuck did I just read

[rdaniel_76]

Okay, I have to say it, it's really bothering me. The Air Force base in that general area of Missouri is Whiteman Air Force Base. It's about 70 miles south-east of Kansas City. it's the only permanent base of the B-2 stealth bombers.

[Platinum Rose]

It's quite nice and I look forward to seeing where you take the story.

[MailMareDerpy]

im calling it, you got the idea from "Mods are away, post humans"

[Ponydora Prancypants]

Well written so far. I'm digging it in a majorly unexpected way. Bring on Twilight and Rarity/Emma!

[SwiperTheFox]

139596

I guess she just ships with everything / everypony / everyone / etc. so well

I would like to see a lot more straight paring stuff with her, myself. Like in this story maybe something with humanized Big Mac.

[dendodge]

139659
Well, I did say it was top secret...

[dendodge]

139752
It was approved by a moderator, and I wasn't aware of any rule against posting humanised stories...

[Mist]

143222 There isn't.

As for the story:

It has "potential" to do well, but it suffers from some MAJOR problems that need fixing before that will happen.

1. Grammatical errors and paragraph structures are pretty bad. There's a lot of parts where it's difficult to understand what is trying to be explained.
2. A couple parts feel very "rushed", actually the whole story feels "rushed." We are introduced to characters with little description, and effectively we don't really get a chance to watch them develop. There's also a few scenes that don't really make that much sense because of how rushed they are. A good example is the "fight" between Pinkie and Dash. Pinkie says one thing, Dash gets mad, and then Dash puts HERSELF in the dog house. It makes no sense. Pinkie isn't even given a chance to respond, and CLEARLY doesn't show negative feelings about the "fight", yet Dash puts HERSELF in the doghouse and sleeps on the couch. Then she's a rude bitch about it and leaves without saying good bye that morning. The "fight" needs to be extended and reworked so that it makes sense as to why Dash is such a bitch about it after.
3. It's too short. Your chapters barely break 1,000 words. I'd say that if your chapters aren't averaging at least 2.5k words, then they aren't really "chapters". There's plenty of room for development.
4. The biggest problem of all: Nothing happens. The plot is pretty much an episode of any soap opera at this point. You've made it to Chapter 4 and you're only accomplished foreshadowing that something is going to happen to Dash, but you've done that for 3 chapters, and not tried to develop any other part of the story really. Nothing is happening so far, and being 3 chapters in, I'd expect to have at least a little idea as to what's going on.

Not a "Terrible" story, and I'm certainly NOT a fan of humanized pony stories, but I give this one a 2.5/5 and may change it if the story is improved.

[Wrabbit]

An excellent story and premise, but pretty much everything 224788 said holds for me as well. Especially the shortness of the chapters. Those more than anything limit what you can do and show in a given chapter. It's the shortness of the updates that make everything feel rushed, because hardly anything can happen in the given update. I would love to see this continued, but if after 45 weeks, there's been no activity...

[Visuality]

Rebecca Douglas--> Rainbow Dash.
I see what you did there.