Applejack had always dreamed of serving the Princesses and earning her citizenship- even if that desire required her enlistment in the Equestrian Military. When her friends put pen to paper on their own enlistment orders, her future was made even more clear.
Unfortunately for Applejack, nothing is as simple as it seems, and as Equestria is plunged into an interstellar war against a merciless foe, she will see just how far one needs to be willing to go in order to save everything they know and love.
(Readers who liked this also may enjoy Wing Commander, Starship Troopers, Freespace and Mass Effect.)
Chapters (17)
Shouldn't there be an 'Alternate Universe' tag?
1904288
I was wondering that as well. I've read quite a few of those tag stories, and felt this was kind of in between. But I will add it. Thanks for the feedback!
This is great for a first story. I think Applejack's accent might be just a touch annoying to read for a whole story, though.
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Thanks! I was wondering about that as well. I hadn't originally wanted Applejack to be the focus, but after a few attempts she made the most sense to me- so I hadn't thought completely through the accent. Not sure I handled it the best, but I'm looking at ways to refine it.
1904861 Her boot camp sergeant tells her to quit talking like she's got apples in her mouth.
With some vague memories of life with her relatives in Manehattan, she's able to pull it off. One more thing for her to think about while she contemplates how much she's changed.
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I had thought of that, and the thinking back to relatives is a great idea, I'll try to work that in as well. Many thanks.
Applejack thought that Rarity was going to magic her couch out of somewhere, but the pegasus maintained her composure despite her obvious discomfort
1908685:rarity isn't a pegasus?
Thanks. Will work on the accent more in part three.
The sudden aggression towards Applejack from her farming background and her accent (mostly the accent) was rather jarring. I can sort of understand the unicorn's reaction, they need more infantry, he probably has had to deal with a lot of ponies like her, maybe even had a bad day, so it's sort of understandable under the circumstances. The accent issue however really surprised me, but it might just be because I've dealt with people who act similar to that, displaying the whole "How DARE you come from a different place than I did!" mentality. Honestly though, my only issue comes from not understanding where they were coming from, and not getting the purpose of those scenes. Other than that, I am liking the story, and hope to see more soon.
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Re reading it after submitting, I had a similar reaction to the sudden shift it tone. I don't think I had wanted it to be so... violent, but I wanted AJ to really experience a "you're not in kansas anymore" moment, and it seemed appropriate to do it at this stage in that manner. I also wanted to give a sense that the peace and harmony of her youth may be giving way. But you make a good point- it seems a bit sudden.
Re the accent, that came as a process of a few things. I wanted to start with the new character, of course, but also to start pulling apart the things that make Applejack Applejack. It's also a convenient way to get around how much I think I exaggerated her 'ahs' and 'yeps' in part one.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback! Part three should be up within a day or so.
If things go pear shaped
It's funny 'cause it's Applejack
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Hay, well this certainly looks interesting! I'm a big fan of Heinlein myself, so seeing this just made my day a little bit happier. Keep up the good work!
1937645 Thanks! I will do my best to keep it up.
Once, you referred to it as Cadenza's Fist
Also, two errors in quick succession:
Time, after all, was still bits, even in the Service. The two mares pulled themselves down the ladder tube, and were met in the cargo container by the rest of their already assembled platoon. Focus was with them.
“Glad you too could join us. Do your pals a favor and carry their stuff onboard Starswirl, will you?”
I thought the chapter was slightly difficult to understand, skipping back and forth between ground and ship without clear explanation.
I do love some good space navy, though.
2009240 Thanks for catching those, should be fixed now. Re the time shifting, I wanted to break it up a bit, but I can see your point. Sorry.
Thanks for sticking with it!
2010086 Like I said:
SPACE NAVY
I'm seeing referrences all over the place. Awesome.
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Let me make this clear: EqD doesn't own you
2113708 You're absolutely right.
That said, it was always the goal to get there. I only get three chances, though (If you already knew that, forgive me) so I need to make each one count.
I guess there is a bit of personal pride to it, ya know? I was always taught that the best way to prove somebody wrong is to beat them at their own game, so to speak. So if the reviewer says one thing, its going nag me constantly until I sort it out, regardless of what I thought of the critique. Good or bad, that is just what I do, how I operate.
I keep telling myself that I'm not writing Past Sins or Fallout here, but its hard to not want to aspire to those heights. If I have to make some sacrifices to get there, well, perhaps I am willing to do so. But you are absolutely correct. I will stay on the path for my vision of Applejack and her story as best as I can. The point of the thing is to have fun and to grow as a writer, so I will continue to do that regardless of what the Trixie Variety Show says.
Anyway, it isn't all bad. I swear, the review is probably my father- only he can push my buttons to get results out of me that fast! And he (or she, I suppose) did point out some other, possibly more relevant things, though, so I can address those. And the Prologue was fun to write, and even gave me some ideas for future plot lines.
And still, thanks for the support! I really, really, really appreciate it. Thanks also for the opportunity to vent a bit
I like it.
2152839 Thank you. Sorry it took so long! You were so right- I got back to writing for fun, and not to impress. It all came out easier.
Also, loved your story The Roommate, I may try a "Colgate at Colgate" thing at some point!
2153308 If you do, I'll link to it.
Hmm, I think the turnaround from grunt soldier to ship captain was a little too fast and without training...
BUT APPLEJACK IS NOW CAPTAIN OF A SPACESHIP SO I CARE NOT
2417797
but fair enough
commander Shepard does it pretty easily
I'd like to know more.
Reminds me of Starship Troopers
Love it.
Dont know why it doesnt have more views.
2918084>>2914824>>2914662
Thanks for the comments, all. If I remind people of ST without totally ripping it off, then I think I'm doing a decent job. Much appreciated.
Thanks to totallynotabrony for the link in a blog post! Check them out, especially "The Roommate!"
http://www.fimfiction.net/user/totallynotabrony
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Yeah i got this story via totallynotabrony.
Thanks to him as well.
2924850
+1
Cool story, will keep reading.
So many references in this chapter.
3130272 I hope that isn't a bad thing. I had fun writing it and them. Cave Johnson said not to stand on the shoulders of giants, I disagree.
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cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/37324842.jpg
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I suppose when you're a billionaire science guy you can say what you want?
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I enjoy that turn of phrase.
You want feedback and comments, OK then.
.
Keep the gore to a minimum and keep the Mane 6/cannon characters alive and I will continue to enjoy this
Do you have a picture of an Antaran? I keep thinking about those bugs from the Starship Troopers movie since you have Starship Troopers in the description but is that correct? I'll feel like an idiot if i'm wrong haha
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Thanks for the favorite and follow! I will do my best to keep everypony alive.
Re the Antarans, I suppose I haven't described them too much. In my mind, I see them as a cross between the Mirelurks in Fallout 3 http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/File:Mirelurk.png and the termites in Antz http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsvS0QSNTn4. I like the idea that a story lets you decide what things look like until things get plot important.
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Thanks! More is coming, promise!
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Thank you, very, very much appreciated. And while I did enjoy EqG (went to see it in a theater, but was directed to a different screen because the ticket taker thought I'd been given the wrong ticket, and by the time I got back to fix it they were sold out) I think I'll stick with equines for the time being. Sorry to disappoint.
I didn't know you could do that in Shepard's cabin ! I never even bothered with fishies !
Maybe that was what I was missing in my last playthrough to "conclude"...
For the ships, I visualise them as Sansha-style ships (ask google).
3221865 Haha, yeah, I always wondered what people thought of Shepard calling people up there at will. Or the hot tub at Anderson's place in one of the DLCs
I never got into EVE, but the Sansha's definitely look like they fit for the Antarans. They look very alien. Thanks for the comment.
The chapter was a bit short, but the perspective is a nice change of pace. Glad to see this hasn't completely turned into Starship Troopers. Elements of it abound, but it has become something original.
Keep up the great work! Can't wait for more.
3257407 Thanks! Too short, now that I've had time to process it, but I wanted to avoid beating a dead horse, so to speak.
Appreciate the support, it means a lot.
Story is still breathtaking! Cliffhangers in all the right places. The change in perspective was a breath of fresh air.
I wonder what will happen to Zu squad...
3396369 Thank you so much. It has been fun to write. Appreciate the support!
Good stuff, good stuff. But check back over the chapter - about where they attack the destroyer you missed a /center tag. You also may want to look over everything and add some indents. Not all paragraphs have them.
3398970 yeah, formatting is all messed up. Thanks for the catch, will get on it!