They shoulda divorced the soulless bitch.

I'm not quite sure what was intended, but Star has been turned from an unlikeable character to a fairly repugnant one. Why does her herd still talk to her again? My opinion of Twilight's family is rapidly dropping, here. No wonder the poor mare acts the way she does.

2872001

God, yes.

She's a candidate for the knacker's yard if I ever saw one.

Lucent's capacity for forgiveness is extraordinary. As, apparently, is Twilight's.

2872001
Do ponies have divorce?

Oh Lucent you weak bastard... Never thought I would manage to say this, but we need some strong male characters in here. The Leroverse seems to have a sad deficit of dudes with attitude.

For no particular reason, I imagined Independent Path as having the voice and speech mannerisms of Gilderoy Lockhart from the Harry Potter audio book series read by Jim Dale. I spent an unusually long time in the sun today, I blame this for the odd voice choice. And maybe the pictures and news clippings on the wall too. (And don't think the “Indy” thing was lost on me either. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but the description of what she looks like seems familiar…)

That was unpleasant. Little wonder why Twilight abhors her mother.

I'm beginning to loathe Twilight's mother. For the first few chapters, it was understandable, even endearing to her archetype as a character construct. But this. I'm gonna have strong opinions about the Lero in this tale if he begins carrying on like Lucent. And, I understand the cultures, attitudes, expectations are vastly different that what human males would be used to, but Lucent needs to grow a pair.

2872180
You said it before I did. Earlier, Star was unpleasant but interesting. Now she's just headed for "people I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire", and the entire herd is one big charlie foxtrot (and not in the fun way). It's nearly reached the point of "why am I reading this depressing thing", aside from being part of the larger universe.

The funny thing is I don't hate her, I actually pity Star Sparkle.

She doesn't want a family. She's never wanted one. She has not a single bit of motherly instinct in her, yet is expected to raise these... little things that her body has pooped out, all because her body forces her to such demands of sex and reproducing.

Her children have been forced upon her by instincts that then abandoned her when she truly needs them.

And because of it, it's going to have a very negative impact on her career that's she's spent decades on building. It's everything to her. To her, that's her child. And this strange little bundle of fur that came out of her crotch is threatening her child.

For sure, she's a horrible pony, but it also sucks what she's going through.

2872855
While you make a good point, I feel I should add that, for me, it would be easier to feel sympathetic towards her if she wasn't such a thoroughly unpleasant individual even outside the circumstances you mentioned.

2872258
Something like that- they did, after all, mention the possibility of one of the other mares disbanding the herd and taking one or two stallions with them. Without the latter's consent, apparently. Which I'm not sure is because of pony laws or Lucent's doormat personality*.

Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised to learn his middle name is "Welcome".

*Keeping in mind that his outlook and behaviour might be the norm for Equestrian society and its gender expectations/roles.

2872935

Oh, completely. She's an unabashed arsehole. Make no mistake

But I still do feel pity for her situation.

2872982
Yes, you're right.

And... well, I guess- I do pity her too. In a self-conscious, I-can't-believe-I'm-doing-this kinda way.

archonix made it very clear early on that Star is not a good pony. She's a manipulative witch that requires either a special sort or a lot of time to like. Most of us readers just tend to forget this because she's also hilarious.

2873063
Indeed, she clearly isn't. She's a total monster.

But that isn't really my problem with her at the moment. The problem I have is that she's probably not going to get what she deserves at all. Why? Because Lucent is a doormat, because this is the xeno universe and because horrendous mares like her never get what they deserve in stories like this. It's almost enough to make me want to stop reading, because Star Sparkle is so despicable and you know nopony is going to do anything about it. She's just gonna sit there all smug and her evil will win as it always has. Unless, unless, Lero shows a bit of that good old human patriarchy and gives the monster that birthed his lover the good (verbal) slap in the face she deserves. If I were Lero, I wouldn't even allow this horrendous creature in my house, mother of my beloved or not.

That, or Twilight Velvet finally snaps and does what she should have done the moment Star Sparkle walked out on them: murder her. Err, I mean, kick her out of the herd.

But I'm not holding my breath or getting my hopes up. I've read similar stories like this before, and you just know Star Sparkle is gonna get away with it all. And that just makes me hate her even more.

That aside, I thought this was gonna be the chapter where Lero meets Twilight's family?

2874453

That aside, I thought this was gonna be the chapter where Lero meets Twilight's family?

Yeah, about that, you see–

*runs away*

But in all seriousness, I don't write stories like that. Yes Star is a thoroughly despicable person. Yes she seems to have it all her way all the time. No, she won't "get away with it". That's all I'll say on the matter for now.

2874517
So do they get married before Twilight gets her wings or afterwards?

2874536 In this tale (And in TQM's fic, incidentally) the wedding only has Rainbow's wings.

2874517

Yeah, about that, you see–
*runs away*

Change of plans, huh? I get that a lot.

No, she won't "get away with it". That's all I'll say on the matter for now.

Ah, that's a relief. I hope I didn't cause offence with my remark, because that's not what I intended. It's just that I've read a lot of stories (not just fanfics, but books and tv shows as well) with characters akin to Star Sparkle, and they never get what they deserve, often ruining what had been a perfectly good story or show up to that point in the process.

So I really didn't want to see that happening here, because, make no mistake, this is a perfectly great story, even with SS being as unlikable as she is. I mean, is there any better proof that you've done something right than when your readers almost unanimously hate or pity your villain-ish character? It's the mark of a good writer, I tell you.

That's all I'll say on the matter for now.

And that's all that was needed. Thank you. You've put my fears to rest and now I can look forward to future updates without any doubt while still being left wondering what'll happen next due to the lack of spoilers. Good times!

2874538
So when the whole cutie mark switcharoo thing happens they are already married. Makes things even more awkward then in Teavee's story.

First my eternal thanks to CinnamonSwirltheBreaded, who did a far better job editing this than I could manage on anything in a billion years (or possibly more) and to whom I have already tried pledging my firstborn without success.

D'awww, really man you're over stating it. I'm sure there's still all kinds of errors I didn't see- I'm not terribly good at it I'm afraid. Still nice to be appreciated.

I actually really like your conception of Star as a character, partly because it's often the case that authors will end up giving their villains freudian excuses or trying too hard to make the likeable when writing from that perspective. Not that there's anything wrong with that, per se, but Star comes off as a complete and unapologetic ass, which is a good thing. At the same time, though, you also manage to put things into the story, like Star not feeling anything for her foals, which actually happens in real life but rarely seems to get talked about in fiction, especially this sort of fiction.

Hopefully I'll be able to handle Star as justly in my story.

2874863 Er... oh hey look at that it's completely changed now! I can't believe I made an oversight like that. Oh well.

Crincile is a sort of soft crinkly cloth. Botici is a place over in Romania somewhere.

Crystal Glimmer is an earth pony with a stereotypically unicorn name which means that ponies that haven't met her before tend to be a little surprised.

Happy to see this update.Gotta be honest, i really love how you've written Star. Im hoping that someone tears into her by the end of this. Or something. Either Twilight, or Lero, or someone will do.

2874946
Ooh, now this makes more sense!

You know, googling "Crincile" returns only stuff with story on the first page, so basically you killed a word.

Regarding Crystal Glimmer, I still don't get what is so stereotypical unicornian about it. I imagine some kind of earth pony miner, or some crystal pony.

BTW, replying on the story front page doesn't provide me with a notification. I noticed only by chance, because I read chapter 4 late enough to have your reply on it.

Oh my Luna! No wonder she drinks all the time. that's probably the only way she can stand herself.
I'm starting to come to the conclusion that, as far as the Leroverse goes, Discord didnt screw with the gender balance in the age of Chaos, the Mares did before his coming with gender spells to ensure they had a little filly to take over a herd someday. And now we see the price of that with somepony who should have been born a stallion so Star could do whatever she wanted with her life without being cursed with fertility. -All because great-great-whoever Sparkle wanted a filly, repeatedly... I'm seeing a stallion with crotch-boobs and most unhappy with kids.
Too bad for everypony including her, she's the glue for the herd...

Her nose was pointed toward Stars teats, still glistening wet with milk and saliva, and her little round stomach bulged with her first greedy meal.

"Stars" should probably be "Star's" to indicate the possessive, since I rather doubt there are multiple Stars around ;)

Having waited a moment to be sure the foal really was asleep, Trilight spoke again.

Should "Trilight" be "Twilight"?

Wow. Poor Star. Even on the second go-around, she just wasn't prepared for this.

Also, I love the phrase "on a strong back" as an analogue to "in good hands." I may have to make use of that myself. And I get the feeling we've met the author of the Daring Do books...

- except for the Archchancellor in the old Puddinghead building, whose office was more of a games room than anything else -

You've got me imagining some unholy mash-up of Ridcully, Dumbledore, and Puddinghead. I am both delighted and more than slightly terrified.

Lastly, it was strangely fascinating to see Twilight at such an early age. It's just plain weird to see someone who's usually the central protagonist before her first word.

Anyway, looking forward to more.

2872316
One of the central points of the Xenoverse is that the culture is female-dominant. Therefore, most dudes don't have attitude.

2872703
"Abhors" is too big an uinderstatement. Twi has faced down mad gods and eldrich abominations without flipping out, but she curls up in a quivering ball of tears under the bed if Mommy comes to visit.
I suspect she is the reason Twi flips out at the very thought of upsetting her surrogate mother-figure Celestia. I think it would break her permanently if Celestia ever acted like Star does towards Twi.

2876922 I realize and accept that, but there's a difference between a matriarchal society and every male being a doormat. That's not to say Lero and Lucent are not strong in many respects, but the way that Lucent just rolls over and shows throat...

Being in a central familial position like that needs you to be caring but firm, you have to be able to drop the hammer and tell someone when they are out of line, and they need to be backed up by their spouse(es).

Perhaps I'm being too hard of Luci for not giving Star a lecture, if things are that bad back home then it might be best to bring the bitch to bear and let her do her thing before addressing the fact that she abandoned her family for 4 years. I just wish there were more... lets call them "liberated stallions".

Star has so many underlying issues and I can't help but feel that she is going to come around in the end. Maybe not in the fairy tale kind of way but I think things will end fairly well between her, Twilight S. and company and maybe even her entire herd. I feel like there could be some massive breakdown with her. But I also figure she could easily just be a hard ass till the end and just even off a bit. There are so many options and I can't wait to read more!
Archonix, MORE!!!!!

Star knocked back the rest of her drink and tugged the bottle away from its spot to hover close to her head

And here I thought you were not supposed to drink alcohol during a pregnancy. Poor Shining and Twilight must have formed in a bath of it seeing as Star's circulatory system seems to generally have more alcohol in it than blood.

Trilight spoke again.

Who is Trilight?

As she reached the patio a water launched

A waiter perhaps?

Rather pretty little university little town up in the pays de Râblé.

Words get mixed up a little? Noticed something said by the waiter up above, "sooner you" instead of "you sooner" but I am marking that off since the pony sounds rather, well, French.

Scintilla seems way more forceful here than she has been portrayed in the Tumblr account. I initially thought she was rather hair brained unless speaking about financial tidbits. However, here it shows that she is more underhanded and domineering. This and the short blurb about what she wanted for her own children. Makes the first description of her by Star seem far too simple.

I was confused by what "professor" meant when that part came up. In America, nearly any teacher that works in the college is called a professor, the administration has fancy names like "dean" and "douche bag".

2878895 Yes, in the UK a dean administers an entire school or college within a university, though quite what constitutes a "school" varies widely depending on the university in question.

Scintilla turns into ruthless monster-horse whenever she senses a business opportunity. A title and inheritance carries a huge weight in the circles she moves in so she would look for any opportunity she might have to get it for her offspring. It's nothing personal, just business

... and word order is a weird thing for me. I'm completely blind to it: you could write an entire sentence with all the words out of order and I'd read it just fine and not be able to tell you what was wrong without taking a second look.

2877050 Mhmm, lets hope she never does.

2876402 The glue. Hehe.

That's an interesting idea, about Discord I mean. It's not precisely aligned with what I had in mind but it could certainly fit.

2876922

You've got me imagining some unholy mash-up of Ridcully, Dumbledore, and Puddinghead. I am both delighted and more than slightly terrified.

Mission Accomplished.

2879555
"A huge monster horse" you say, good thing it seems that Star is a huger monster horse at all times, as well as a little sociopathic. Probably only enjoyment she got from having Twilight is pissing Scintilla and anypony else off. Which is a little sad.

interesting That is so. sentence there any at length all dependence Is on the?

2880215 No length limit that I've found yet.

2880219
Well crap, I will have to take you word on it. words well as is writing then it that trying sense, I a like no hard to then a make as time sentence I is shit sure all have this.

No peeking.
(I have a hard time writing a sentence like that then trying to make sure I have all then words as well as it making no sense, this shit is hard.)

2874453
So, you're assuming that there will be absolutely no character development in the rest of this story? That ponies are beings with totally static personalities, which never change in the slightest over time?

What do you think they are, cardboard cutouts with archetype labels on them? They are people, and people change with time. She may be a damned-near-heartless bitch, but that doesn't mean that's the only setting she will ever have. There's a chance for her to change, even for the better.

She may be a bit of a (if you'll pardon the terminology) twat, but she isn't a machine. She isn't going to do the same damned thing every time, any more than you would.

2877050

Also explains why Lero, Dash, and Lyra have to reassure her so much early on. The filly has serious abandonment issues. If her own biological mother can drop her like a worn hoof shoe fresh from the birthing? Wonder if that is why she failed to connect with her first herd?

It also give another reason why she clings so much to Celestia. Twilight Sparkle knows Celestia isn't going anywhere. Duties of the Thrones will keep her in place, and alicorn immortality means death isn't taking her. That reduces the problem to not being sent away.

Actually I wonder if 'For the foals' is why Lucent is trying so hard to keep the herd from splintering. However bad Star gets, he might think their mother missing from the herd will hurt Shining and Twilight more.

2882551
I'm no psychologist, but I don't think Star's absence will put much of a strain on Twilight.

2882032

So, you're assuming that there will be absolutely no character development in the rest of this story?

No.

That ponies are beings with totally static personalities, which never change in the slightest over time?

No.

What do you think they are, cardboard cutouts with archetype labels on them?

No.

2883663
Then why are you assuming somepony "of that archetype" won't ever get what's coming to her? you're making an awful lot of assumptions based solely on how things are at present, without any observations for possibilities in the future.

2889605 Dude. Chill, we've already talked it over. Everything's going to be just fine.

2889617
Sorry, checked my messages and saw one addressed to me and responded. If it's over, then I apologize for picking at it.

Anyhow, I can't wait for the next chapter to be out.

Star is an... Interesting character. She does so many spiteful things, and deserves to be hated, but I feel mostly pity for her despite her situation being her own damned fault.

Looking forward to the continuation and conclusion of this, and to see if someone manages to break Star out of her bitchy ways.

Keep up the great work.

Star is a horrible, horrible pony. I like her.
Looking forward to the next chapter

2880219
Same here... must be something to do with going though the British education system... if we can handle that shit we can handle anything.

And I think we can all see now why Twi is so terrified of being a bad mother.

There is a very thick line between being written as "unlikeable" and being a Jerk Sue

The problem is that nothing Star does ever has any real negative effects on her. Being "yelled" at is not proportional to leaving one's child in to stew in her filth for hours on end.

Additionally, characters are required to have huge OOC moments, sometimes lasting entire chapters, just to accommodate her toxic presence. I find it hard to believe, for instance, that Rainbow Dash would sit by and let Star abuse Twilight in her presence.

Star, like every other sue, is a cancer. Not only to the stories in which she is written, but on the writer who uses her as a crutch. The only thing that is keeping her from the natural consequences of her actions is the fact that you write everyone as doormats, but only when Star is in the room.

I know that you can write better than this. I've seen it. Inject a little bit of realism into your story, and let Star suffer the consequences of being a narcissistic child abuser who continues to hound and abuse her children. As it is, you are only holding yourself back.

Wow, yeah I have to say that this was an excellent chapter. You really get to see how Star is quite a piece of work (one could replace the word "work" with some other word I can't recall right now... but I think it starts with the letter "S"). I love they way this chapter was written, the descriptions of scenery and the flow of dialogue was beautiful. I've looked forward to every chapter of this story since the first, and it never fails to disappoint. This calls for a round of the the Glenlivet to honor the great train wreck that is Star Sparkle, Equestria's own Mother of the Year award winner.

It will be interesting to see where this goes next. I wonder if you've considered a flashback to Twilight Velvet and Star meeting and courting Lucent for the first time? Whatever the case may be, congrats on another excellent chapter Arch, looking forward to more. Also, hypothetically speaking, I kinda would love to see a situation where Star was forced to be around Pinkie for an extended period of time. Like Lero has Pinkie throw Star a surprise party to get a bit of vengeance for Twilight or something.

Star is a horrible pony I really hope Lero eventually gives her the good old human verbal slap down she deserves it will be even better if Twilight is there to witness it especially if it happens right after Star says something to upset her