I joined the fandom in july and i'm slowly straying away from my timidity by writing fan fiction. My main goal is that people nejoy what i write.
Applebloom and Diamond Tiara aren't friends. Applebloom thinks Diamond Tiara is nothing more than a bratty and snobby bully; while Diamond Tiara thinks that Applebloom is nothing else but a hick, blank flank.
After they fight during the last day of class, they must learn to love and tolerate (in the least bit tolerate) each other lest they wish to work in Sweet Apple Acres all their lives, but will they?
Page generated in 0.07 seconds
Total duration
985 users online
1,811,125 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Damn after updating, i accidentally deleted everyone's comments...
That won't look good.
Oh you added some on this chapter? Nice!
Hope the next update isn't that far away 
Again, good first chapter
-Glassed
196162
It's not immediately, but should be soon. Hopefully not more than a week.
196918
I have all the time in the world.
Okay, I'm going to be really wordy about this, so I apologize in advance...
>Cheerilee had her students write down what were their plans for the summer
That's kind of an awkward sentence structure. I'd just say "Cheerilee had her students write down their plans for the summer."
>Since she did this every year, she has heard many variations of the same plans.
Woah, woah--tense jump there! It should be "she had heard many variations of the same plans."
>She was like the Rucio to Scootaloo’s Rocinante.
I could just be ignorant, but I'm not aware of what this is referencing. Perhaps add a bit of an explanation there?
>“…and that is how I hope to spend my summer holidays,” finished Pipsqueak. The little pinto colt positively beaming at the idea of spending his summer break playing with his best friend.
That first period there should be a comma. All this is just one sentence.
>In the back of the room, two little ponies raised their front hooves in salute to their “general”.
I assume these two little ponies are Dinky and Pipsqueak, but it's not made clear in the story, especially since when we last saw Pip he was still on his way back to his seat.
>“Now, who wants to come up to read their plans for the summer?” Cheerilee scanned the room making an exaggerated thinking pose.
There should be a comma between "room" and "making."
>It’s obvious to anypony who has ever been in a room with Applebloom and Diamond Tiara that the fillies have always had a rather “unfriendly rivalry”, with each one always trying to one-up the other whenever possible.
You mixed up the tenses again! This should be in the past tense. Happens a few times throughout this paragraph, actually.
>“As Ah was sayin’, ‘For mah summer break, Ah have many plans. First Ah’m helpin’ mah sister Applejack and mah big brother Big Macintosh harvest veggies. We will be getting’ Tomatoes, Carrots, Peppers, Cucumbers and Corn and so many delicious veggies”
I have trouble hearing Applebloom use the term "so many delicious veggies." It doesn't quite sound natural. I'd probably rephrase it to "a bunch of tasty veggies" or something of the like. Also, there should be a period at the end there.
>"Then, Ah’ll be helpin’ Granny Smith make some of her super famous and super amazin’ Zap Apple Jam’ and y’all invited!”
You forgot an "are" in there, Applebloom!
>Diamond Tiara couldn’t help but guffaw from Applebloom’s schadenfreude.
It should be "guffaw at" and, er... I've no idea what a scadenfreude is. Blunder, maybe?
>The many times it’s happened before, they just bickered for a few minutes before they stopped on their own and got some detention for interrupting class.
Tense issues!
>“Why do you even have that stupid bow for, huh? That’s too cute for someone as ugly as you. Maybe you should wear mask.”
It should be "What do you even have that stupid bow for, huh?" and "Maybe you should wear a mask."
>“At least they stopped arguing.”
Did Cheerilee say that out loud? If not, I believe you misplaced the quotation marks.
>The yellow filly was too busy biting into the flank of her tormentor to pay attention to anything around her. Diamond Tiara emitted a small wail as she felt the pain and moved out of the way of the furious Applebloom. The pink earth pony bared her teeth back at her class mate in defiance. Despite, or rather in spite of, her delicate appearance, Diamond Tiara was no pushover. Just as Applebloom did moments ago, she pounced onto the yellow filly with the full intention to fight.
Woah there; when did they turn into cats? The idea of two horses pouncing on each other is an odd one, much less biting each other. Being a member of the Apple family, I'd say Applebloom would be more likely to just kick her in the face.
>On the sidelines, a pair unicorn colts looked at the conflict with ponder.
"Ponder" is the wrong word here; it's a verb, not a noun. I'd say "thoughtfulness" or "pensiveness" instead.
>While she was not paying attention, somehow the two fillies have managed to break her desk in the struggle. The two seemed also to be in the middle of attempting to strangle each other while sheets still slowly descended.
A few more tense mistakes here. Also, I'm not entirely sure which "sheets" you're referring to; you should expand on that a little!
>The two fillies nodded a very shy yes, having never seen their teacher so serenely furious.
There's nothing wrong here; I just really like that image. "Serenely furious." Great choice of words.
>Cheerilee instinctually screamed while comically waving her forelegs.
Calling Cheerilee's behavior "comical" is a lot like calling Pinkie "random" or Fluttershy "adorable." It's just unnecessary. If something is funny, it will come across as funny regardless of whether or not you point it out.
>Cheerilee had assaulted the two fillies with an egghead’s most dangerous weapon: alliterations.
Now that was funny--and you didn't even have to say so!
>It had never happened to neither of them before
*either
>Two both fillies the room felt really hot and stuffy. More than how it should feel in a late May.
"Both" already implies that there are two of them; you don't need to say it twice. Also, I'm pretty sure that should just be one sentence.
>There was no foal throughout Equestria that has never heard of the dreaded glue maker. An evil ghoul to who parents sold their misbehaving colts and fillies.
*There was no foal throughout Equestria that had never heard of the dreaded glue maker, an evil ghoul to whom parents sold their misbehaving colts and fillies.
Overall, this is really cute and I'm interested to see where it is going! It could use some work, but the ponies are all in-character, and the humor is actually, well, humorous. Also, Diamond Tiara never gets any fics, so I'm glad to see her take a leading role in this one. Hope I helped!
208225
Thanks so much for the critique
I'll go make the changes tomorrow morning. 
Now i'm too tired. As for the things that confused you:
"Rocinante and Rucio" are references to "Don Quixote". I though it how scootaloo pretty much just jumps into something ridiculous and sweetie belle just follows her without thinking twice but completely aware that what they are doing is dangerous. Since there was no way i could turn Don Quixote and Sancho Panza into horse puns, decided ot just use their mounts as reference. Maybe someday i'll write a pony version of Don Quixote.
As for Schadenfreude, that's comedy stemming form people's misfortune/pain.
Finally, while horses don't pounce (i just couldn't think of another way to start the fight
, they do bite when they fight. Horse fights are weird. They are more like a round of karate than two animals fighting since they lack horns or claws.)
Is there anything else that you think may need some cutting and trimming?
208273
I feel dumb now. Also, I'd probably just stick with Don Quixote and Sancho Panza as comparisons with Scoots and Sweetie. They're a lot more widely-known than their horses, for obvious reasons. As for pony puns... Donkey Ote? Don Quioate? I've got nothing for Sancho, though. 
Horses bite, huh? I had no idea about that.
I think I covered most of what stood out to me there, but I know there are some minor grammar errors I didn't mention, so if you want to be extra-perfectionist about it, there is that.
Overall, I have only one complaint, this story needs more chapters!
I'm loving it!
214637
Hopefully i should have the new one before friday
It makes me happy that people are enjoying it 
This was very funny! Shame it seems to be on hiatus, any chance of you bringing it back?
I loved DT and AB being terrified of Krastos, and the possibility of them reconciling their differences. Lovely work, and I hope to see more someday, if you're up for it.
Are you gonna continue this?
Rather nice story. A lot of missing words here and there, but a nice little start. Shame it never continued, looking at the tags it seemed like you had a lot planned for this this. Where ever you are and whatever you're doing these days, hope its going well for you. Thanks for sharing the nice story with us.
3027887
One of many promising ideas that will probably never be completed... 
Alas, according to his user-info page: "Last Seen: 50w, 4d ago".
3028140 I tend to leave comments on dead stories just in the case, for whatever reason, they ever come across their story again they'll know someone at least appreciated the effort they put into their story. Its such a shame so many tend to boycott any story centered around Diamond Tiara.
Even now you'd be hard pressed to get any Diamond Tiara story past an EQD reader if she wasn't playing an antagonistic role. It'll be an achievement in and of itself if a Diamond Tiata centered fic one day passes their barricades. Granted, some stories are pretty whitewashy or just tend to redeem her over the course of a few hours.
There are still some very good stories that won't see the light of day since EQD would be seen as "Supporting bullies". Not to mention "reasons" but they can do what they want I suppose.
3028230 Actually, I did see EqDaily promote the "Cubic Zirconia" fanfic which stars Tiara, so that's not entirely true.. While it stars Tiara, what I like about it is, unlike other "redemption" fics there are still moments in it that display the negative aspects of Tiara's personality, so she's still Tiara in it, but is gradually learning to have empathy for others, and such in it. It also does a good job reminding the reader that Tiara is still a li'l kid, and can be hurt/saddened, (and even makes you feel bad for her) sense alot of fans tend to dehumanize her due to how much of a snob she is. (And perhaps, because they project their own bad experiences with bullies onto Tiara.)
As for this fic', it's not bad, shame it never progressed though. Tiara & Bloom's interactions were kinda interesting.
5584380 I recall something with EqD but at the time of that seventy-seven weeks and two days old comment, EqD had no such mentions of Cubic Zirconia or fics where DT didn't get the short end of the stick. Not to mention pre-readers literally hate Diamond Tiara, or at least that used to be the case for most of them. I know at least Alex still does.
Regardless, yeah, CZ is nice. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/96723/cubic-zirconia#comment/3200779 I got around to reading it once it got a bit juicier in the word count department. It's good to see him put effort into his story. But I'm sick of redemption stories. It's like saying characters aren't interesting or able to have good stories if you aren't changing or stripping away everything that makes them, well, THEM.
Rather, I want to see how they live on a daily basis. Who are in their circle of friends. Does Silver hang out with Twist when Diamond is off playing business pony? What does Diamond Tiara do when she's not hanging with Silver? We've seen Filthy dote his daughter a lot, takes time off work to go to her parents day at school, and we've seen him take her to Foal Fare in that Spike and Rarity episode in S4 ep 25, but what does Diamond do on her own for fun?
We even know other fillies and colts throughout S1, S2, and S4 see Diamond and Silver as popular and ponies worth knowing. DT even talks normally with other fillies in Hearts and Hooves Day (you can hear the audio as she talks about the color she likes of the H&H day cards before Alula gets happy and hoofs her a H&H Day card which left DT speechless and Silver to giggle at the display.)
So I rather see more done with their characters then people get hung up 24/7 just because Silver and Diamond don't get along with, the black sheep of ponyville, the CMC. It gets really tiring after awhile to read the same Silver Spoon story just worded differently about how a cute silly with braided mane and glasses is being forced to be mean and bully others and all those other slight variants that tear her away from her friendship with Diamond Tiara.
Needless to say, I've been around the fandom. Even before this site was a twinkle in Knighty's synapse. The fandom has a small amount of creative people who are vastly outnumbered by those who only want what they know or think they know. Even going so far as to bash people who pair Vinyl with anyone outside Octavia and so forth. It's hard to find good original fiction that isn't borrowing or straight up ripping some other headcanon or just does something random.
If you find something you like, let the authors know. LEAVE A LIKE and a FAV. Again, comments help. So many good writers leave dueto never getting feedback and thinking no one likes a story for various reasons. I've seen some really great writers leave because all people seem to want are crack fics. Let them know what you like and if you want more.
I got off-topic, but yeah. I'm not just spewing crap here. There is a lot of bias in the fandom. Diamond Tiara lovers are a minority among the sea of haters out there. But it's been a few years almost now and we at the Diamond Cutters have held up well and have supported fans and authors in spreading original stories and have a fairly good community. We just want to promote good, and original fictions. All are welcome.
5585911 I don't mind "redemption" stories, as long as they're decent, (but I agree I wouldn't want "every" villain redeemed/reformed. I make an exception for Tiara sense she's a kid, and very widely hated) and what I liked about "Cubic Zirconia" is, she doesn't instantly become "saint," and such. And I like to imagine there's more to Tiara then "being a brat." It actually takes time to develop her, and doesn't get rid of her spoiled/sheltered personality completely. That's why it's one of the few "redemption" fics i like.
I do kinda agree about Silver Spoon "redemption" stories, and I get tired of the same ol', "Oh she was never mean, she was just acting that way, because she's basically Babs Seed Number 2," or something similar... I also don't get why some fans feel Silver is more "redeemable" then Tiara, when she's been just as mean as Tiara was. Some act like Tiara is pure evil, and such, or deserve the worst punishments possible, or Silver should betray her, or something. I don't know.
I agree, though there is some bias (as I pointed out already in my previous remarks) and as you said some uncreative fans, and such. But of course there's silver linings out there to.