Chapter 1
The day had finally arrived for the students of Ponyville’s elementary school. The day which all fillies and colts (and teachers) always looked forward to: the last day of class. It was be just one more hour before the summer break officially started.
As the final assignment of the school year, Cheerilee had her students write down what were their plans for the summer and read them aloud in front of class. Since she did it every year, she has heard many variations of the same plans. Some still managed to amuse her, like Scootaloo’s and Sweetie Belle’s plans. Scootaloo went on and on about her plans for finding her cutie mark through increasingly convoluted methods. Sweetie Belle’s plans, in contrast, were simple and consisted primarily of convincing the orange filly to not follow through with her increasingly convoluted plans. She was like the Sancho Poni to Scootaloo’s Don Quixoate.
Year in and year out, she listened intently to all of her students’ plans. These were the students she was entrusted with and she loved them all unconditionally as if they were her own.
“…and that is how I hope to spend my summer holidays,” finished Pipsqueak; the little pinto colt positively beaming at the idea of spending his summer break playing with his best friend. After he dropped his assignment, Cheerilee could notice a small skip in his step.
“Thank you very much Pipsqueak. I hope you and Dinky find many treasures in your wonderful adventures. Don’t forget to bring me some too.” In the back of the room, the two little ponies raised their front hooves in salute to their “general”. Cheerilee couldn’t help but giggle at their tender display of childish innocence. These were the kind of moments she looked forward to, when her students bloomed in the joy of education.
“Now, who wants to come up to read their plans for the summer?” Cheerilee scanned the room, making an exaggerated thinking pose. Many hoofs shot up and down seeking her attention. Amidst cries of “me, me”, Cheerilee picked the hoof of a yellow filly seating in the front row. “How about you, Applebloom?”
“But Miss Cheerilee, I’ve had my hoof up for, like, forever,” the voice of Applebloom’s next-seat neighbor, Diamond Tiara, whined.
“Don’t worry Diamond Tiara; I saw it. Your turn will come next, right after Applebloom,” Cheerilee reassured the pink filly with purple mane.
“Yeah, Diamon’ Tiara; ya can, like, go after me.”
“Whatever, blank flank.”
“Girls, please.” The class shifted their attention away from the two fillies and back to Cheerilee. “Applebloom please come read what you wrote to the class, and keep it short please.”
“Don’t worry Miss Cheerilee. It will be pretty short. It’s not like Applebloom can write anything more than a sentence.”
Applebloom tried her best to ignore Diamond Tiara’s little quip, but not without first giving her a glare that could melt steel, something which the pink filly very much reveled in.
It would be very obvious to anypony who has ever been in a room with Applebloom and Diamond Tiara that the fillies have always had a rather “unfriendly rivalry”, with each one always trying to one-up the other whenever possible. While she didn’t get also along with Diamond Tiara’s gray coated partner in crime Silver Spoon, the pink filly was her prime foil. To Miss Cheerilee their rivalry was just a sad reminder that not everypony could always get along; a fact she always lamented. The magenta mare simply brushed their bickering aside with the hope that, at worst, they would just never speak to each other after they finish school for good. Despite their animosity they have never come to actual blows.
After clearing her throat, Applebloom started reading. “For mah summer break, Ah have many plans. First Ah’m helping mah sister Applejack and mah big brother- Miss Cheerilee! Tell Diamon’ Tiara to stop makin’ silly faces!”
“What are you talking about? I haven’t moved an inch.” The fact that she was lying couldn’t have been any more apparent.
“Diamond Tiara, please be respectful to your fellow students.” Cheerilee could see straight through the pink filly’s façade. “Please continue Applebloom.”
“As Ah was sayin’, ‘For mah summer break, Ah have many plans. First Ah’m helpin’ mah sister Applejack and mah big brother Big Macintosh harvest veggies. We will be getting’ Tomatoes, Carrots, Peppers, Cucumbers and Corn and a bunch o’ tasty veggies.” Most of the class could notice she was positively ecstatic at the idea of harvesting.
“Um, Applebloom…”
“What is it, Miss Cheerilee?”
“Your mouth.”
“What ‘bout it?” Applebloom’s yellow coat tinted a bright red after she noticed what Cheerilee was pointing at.
While talking about all the delicious fruit of the land, the filly started to unconsciously drool from the corners of her mouth. After cleaning up her face and all the giggles in the room died down, she resumed her reading.
“Ahm also goin’ to do some Crusadin’ with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. Then Ah’ll help Applejack prepare the thin-”
At that moment, Applebloom was interrupted by a cough that oddly sounded like "Blank flanks".
“Miss Cheerilee!”
“Diamond Tiara, Are you okay? Do you need to drink some water?” Cheerilee’s voice betrayed a completely innocent obliviousness to the filly’s antics.
“No, Miss Cheerilee.” If her namesake weren’t already her Cutie Mark, Diamond Tiara’s special talent could have been to feign innocence. Applebloom could even swear she saw a halo form above the pink filly’s head.
“As Ah was sayin’, again, before Ah got rudely interrupted, again-” Applebloom cleared her throat before starting. “Ah’ll help Applejack prepare the things for this year’s Sisterhooves Social. Then, Ah’ll be helpin’ Granny Smith make some of her super famous and super amazin’ Zap Apple Jam’ and y’all are invited!”
Applebloom looked up from her paper just in time to be met with a classroom full of happy fillies and colts, all throwing their hooves up in joy. All, of course, with the exception of a certain pink filly that was doing her best to seem indifferent, when in reality she could barely contain her own excitement. Few things could compare themselves in deliciousness to fresh, homemade Zap Apple jam, but she couldn’t let Applebloom know she liked it. She had her pride after all.
“An’ finally, in August Ah will be celebratin’ mah birthday in the farm and y’all invited. Even you, Diamond Tiara.” Applebloom accentuated the last line by giving the aforementioned filly one of the smuggest grins this side of Prince Blueblood. “And that’s what Ah hope to do during mah summer break, Miss Cheerilee.”
“Thank you very much, Applebloom. Your plans sound like they are going to be really fun. I’ll try to drop a letter by during your birthday.”
“Thanks Miss Cheerilee.”
“Oh it’s nothing. Now, Diamond Tiara, your turn to read what you wrote.”
On her way back to her seat, Applebloom got caught in the straps of Diamond Tiara’s saddlebags and tripped. Diamond Tiara couldn’t help but guffaw from Applebloom’s schadenfreude.
“Smooth moves, blank flank!” That was it for Applebloom. She decided right there and then that she would not be taking any more from the spoiled, pink filly. Biting her lips in anger, she stood up to confront her frequent tormentor.
“Why’ja do that for!”
“Do what?”
“Ya’ know watcha’ did. You put yer bags there so that Ah will trip!”
“Did you hit your head harder than usual? My bags were there since, like, this morning.” Unlike before, Diamond Tiara was being completely honest. As it was the last day of class, all students brought their bags in, instead of storing them in the lockers outside as it was usual. “It’s not my fault that you are too stupid and clumsy to see where you are going.”
In the front of the room Cheerilee looked at the fillies with concern. Things were starting to boil over. It was not the first time the two fillies got into an argument. The many times it has happened before, they just bickered for a few minutes before they stopped on their own and got some detention for interrupting class. Now they were snarling at each other. They both looked completely fed up with each other, as if any second either one would pounce on the other.
“Girls pleas-”
“Stupid an’ clumsy? Look who’s talkin’! I’ve seen yer math grades. I’m surprised ya ain’t still in kindergarden.”
“What where doing digging through the trash? Looking for food?”
“I was lookin’ for mah bow. A bow a certin’ someone threw in there for no reason other than she’s a big, stupid meanie!”
“Now girls, cal-”
“Why do you even have that stupid bow for, huh? Maybe you should wear mask to hide your ugly, bumpkin face.”
“Hey, at least it’s better than that stupid an’ tacky tiara. Didja’ have yer mommy buy it for ya so that y’all stop whinin’?”
“At least I have a mommy to buy me stuff.”
The whole class gave a collective gasp before the room went completely silent. The subject of Applebloom’s parents was a really touchy one. The yellow filly was visibly shaken.
“Diamond Tiara! Now that was over the line, little missy. Apologize to Applebloom.” Cheerilee didn’t plan for any of this. Like every year, her plans were to have everypony read their plans for the summer give out some candy and their report cards in the end and then everypony home to have fun. “At least they stopped arguing.”
Diamond Tiara wasn’t facing Applebloom. “I’m sorry Applebloom.”
Despite the flat and forced tone of the apology, Diamond Tiara did feel guilty. As much as she disliked Applebloom, she knew that it was a low blow. She gave a slight harrumph and started walking back to the front of the class. She never saw when the yellow filly lunged at her.
“Applebloom!”
“Ow! Get off me, blank flank!”
The yellow filly was too busy biting into the flank of her tormentor to pay attention to anything around her. Diamond Tiara emitted a small wail as she felt the pain and moved out of the way of the furious Applebloom. The pink earth pony bared her teeth back at her class mate in defiance. Despite, or rather in spite of, her delicate appearance, Diamond Tiara was no pushover. With a loud whinny, the pink filly lunged back at her rival who looked on with rage filled, teary eyes.
Last time a fight broke out in one of her lessons, that in a fit of cosmic irony involved Applebloom nonetheless, she was able to break it up by tying it back into the lesson. Now that the opportunity was not present, she’ll have to break the fight manually.
“Girls, break it up now!” Cheerilee tried keeping an authoritive yet soft tone, inching closer to the fight. “Girls, I said break! It! Up!” Cheerilee attempts to separate the fillies fell on deaf ears as she was pushed away from the fight, as soon as she went in.
"Ok, that didn't work..."
On the sidelines, a pair of unicorn colts looked at the conflict with thoughtfulness, more than they usually displayed.
"Um, 'Fight!'?", asked the pudgier of the two.
"Not now, man" replied his lankier bro.
The brawl kept inching closer and closer to the walls and started to knock down art projects and books from the shelves. Mr. Teethy, the class’s pet hamster, just looked into his horizon with a sense fear and anticipation as a dust ball of anger inched closer and closer. His eyes grew wider and wider as he tried to escape, yet he was trapped in his iron cell. Trapped for committing the crime of just being too adorable for his own good.
As if resigning to his fate, the tiny rodent pulled from under the straw the smallest cigarette ever seen and a bandana to cover his eyes. If he was going to go, he was doing it like a hamster. It was only a matter of time before the furious, fighting fillies reached to the table and knocked it down in their melee.
“Girls! Watch out!” Cheerilee completely ignored Applebloom and Diamond Tiara and rushed in to rescue Mr. Teethy, catching a bale of sawdust and straw in the nick of time. She felt relief as she saw a rather startled Mr. Teethy emerge from within. A relief that was very short lived as she heard the sound of a crash and something breaking behind her.
“Please don’t tell me that was what I think it was…” After handing Mr. Teethy to Twist, Cheerilee slowly turned around, expecting the worse. To her utter shock right next to two still struggling and unflinching fillies laid her precious broken plaque; a memento given to her by her late teacher Ms. Sharpener as a commemoration of her finally becoming a teacher.
“Okay Cheerilee, calm down. There’s no need to get angry…They are just fillies. Your focus should be on sto-” Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of more breaking glass.
“The Telescope! Oh no, no, no, that cost us a third of the whole year’s budget!” Before Cheerilee could even react, another sound reached her ear, this time more “woody” than the others.
“My-My Desk” Cheerilee was almost catatonic at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. While she was not paying attention, somehow the two fillies have managed to break her desk in the struggle. The two seemed also to be in the middle of attempting to strangle each other while the sheets that used to populate Cheerilee’s drawers slowly descended from the skies.
“Girls”
“Get off me, ya spoiled brat!”
“Girls”
“I’ll do that when YOU get off me!”
“DIAMOND TIARA RICH! APPLEBLOOM APPLE!” Cheerilee’s voice reverberated throughout the building and commanded the attention of everypony including the two now frozen fillies on the floor. She looked like she could beat a cockatrice in a staring match.
In her most disconcerting cheerful voice, Cheerilee addressed the class. “Everypony, except Diamond Tiara and Applebloom, you are all dismissed. Enjoy your summer, everypony. Tell your parents that I will mail them your report cards or if want, they can pick them up at my house in a week.” After everypony exited the room in an awkward silence, she faced towards the two remaining fillies. “As for you two; first of all, you will go see Mrs. Red Cross so that she can get you patched up. After that you will come immediately to my office. Have I made myself clear?”
The two fillies nodded a very shy yes, having never seen their teacher so serenely furious. Almost immediately after, the final bell rang, indicating the beginning of summer.
The tension in Cheerilee’s office could be cut with a butter knife. Applebloom and Diamond Tiara were sitting across the school teacher’s desk while she paced around the room.
“Remember Cheerilee, these are little fillies. Just little fillies. It’s not their fault…ok maybe it is, but you have to be patient.” Back then was the angriest she had been in a long time. Yet still, she could not drive herself to scream again at the students she was entrusted with. Cheerilee gave one more deep breath before sitting down.
“Girls, I cannot even say how disappointed I am. I expected better from you two.”
While they didn’t hurt themselves too bad, the aftermath of the fight was still pretty evident even after first aid. The two were covered with bandages and little bruises, their hair and manes made a complete mess. Whatever was still holding up of Applebloom’s bow was in tatters, while Diamond Tiara’s namesake was nowhere to be seen.
“She started it!” Both fillies were pointing and talking over each other simultaneously. “No, you started it!”
“I DON’T CARE WHO STARTED IT!” Once Cheerilee noticed her small relapse into anger, she cleared her throat and regained her composure. “The issue here is not WHO started it, but rather that both of you finished it.”
“Girls, this has gone on for far too long. I understand if neither of you can get along with each other, but what both of you did today, crossed the line. Your petty, preposterous squabble paralyzed the procession of class, pulverized my precious plaque (along with a positively preposterous amount of pricey school property) and practically pummeled your fellow pupils’ precious pet.” Diamond Tiara and Applebloom tried to avoid eye contact with their teacher. Cheerilee had assaulted the two fillies with an egghead’s most dangerous weapon: alliterations. “Do any of you have anything to say in your defense?”
“We’re sorry…”
“Well sorry is how you should be. Both of you have been acting in ways that do not befit little, young ladies. Since today is the last day of school, I can’t give you any detention. That’s why I decided to call your parents instead.”
The fillies sprung upon hearing that. Applebloom was already in a bit of trouble for attempting to become “Cutie Mark Crusaders Plumbers” and shutting down a third of Poniville’s water supply.
“I’m sorry fer fighting Miss Cheerilee! Please don’t tell Applejack. If she finds out I was inna fight, she’ll tan mah flank!” Applebloom pleaded, almost on the verge of tears.
“I’m sorry Applebloom, but I already called them. They should be on their way already. Don’t worry. I promise that Applejack will not get angry.”
This did nothing to calm the nervous wreck that used to be Applebloom. At that moment, she and Diamond Tiara could hear a familiar pair of voices approaching. One of the voices had a calm, somewhat arrogant yet classy tone, while the other had a rather distinctive homely, yet affectionate drawl. They were locked in conversation that, to the small comfort of the two fillies, didn’t sound angry.
“Hey Miss Cheerilee, is it me or did the room get mighty hot?”
“It’s just you Applebloom.”
Applebloom and Diamond Tiara just counted the seconds until they came in. It had never happened to either of them before but they were well aware of the consequences that came with your parent being called to school.
The room was tense. Applebloom froze in her seat while a visibly shaken Diamond Tiara shivered. To both fillies the room felt really hot and stuffy. More than how it should feel in a late May.
After seconds that felt like hours, there was a knock on the door.
“Please come on in!”, Cheerilee called in her usual sing song voice. The door opened, as a tan stallion with a slicked back mane walked in. Instead of his usual suit and tie, Filthy Rich was wearing a polo shirt and sweat bands. The fact that he was wearing his sports’ get up meant that he probably received the call while on his most precious, leisure time. Diamond Tiara gulped hard.
“Good Afternoon, Miss Cheerilee. I believe you called for me to come?”
Applejack came in from behind him, the orange mare still wearing her apple-selling apron. Applebloom knew she wouldn't take it very kindly to being interrupted from work. Now it was her turn to gulp.
“Howdy, Miss Cheerilee. I came as soon as Big Mac told me somethin’ happened.”
Cheerilee addressed the fillies, “Ok, girls. I’ll need you to wait outside for a bit while we talk.”
Seconds turned to minutes which felt like hours. As it was norm for the last day of school, the building was empty save for staff.
“It’s your fault. You started it.”
“Mah fault!? Maybe if ya haven’t put that on my way, I wouldn’ have tripped and we wouldn’ be spending summer break stuck in school.”
“I already told you! You tripped on it. I had my saddlebags there since, like, this morning! Maybe if you weren’t such a clumsy Blank Flank and actually paid some attention where you walked…”
“What is that sapposed’ tah mean, huh? Maybe if ya’ weren’ such a big, dumb meanie I wouldn’ have hit ya!”
“Maybe if you weren’t…” Diamond Tiara’s ears perked up.
“Maybe if Ah wasn’t what?”
“Shh!”
“Oh don’t ya be “shhing” me!”
“Shut up!” Diamond Tiara said in a rather loud whisper “I think I heard my name…”
Diamond Tiara had her ears well open and stuck to the rather thin walls outside the office.
“…well she and Applebloom have been a little bit of trouble for quite a bit…”
Applebloom finally realized what Diamond Tiara what’s going at. “They are talkin’ about us!”
“No, really? What gave you that brilliant idea?” After Applebloom and Diamond Tiara finished sharing looks of mutual displeasure they resumed their eavesdropping.
“Are you sure selling them would actually cover the costs? I know I can get the plaque repaired on my budget, but the telescope alone would cost the school 500 bits. It was a donation from Princess Luna herself.”
“Of course! Everypony loves ‘em!”
“By the end of the season we should have more than enough money to pay for the damages my little princess accrued.”
Diamond Tiara and Applebloom recoiled from what they heard. Applebloom was the first to react
“Sell them’? Sell what?”
“How would I know? Let’s keep listening”
“…I imagined I would have had to do it someday. Can’t have her being an heir to my vast fortune when she could be so irresponsible.”
“That’s actually a better idea than spankin’. Make ‘em pay for it. Oh, they’ll definitely learn a lesson they’ll never forget…”
Outside the room the color of the two fillies slowly drained from their bodies.
“But-But Cheerilee promised me Applejack wouldn’t get mad. They didn’ sound very angry. May-Maybe we just imaginin’ things.” While her words were supposed to be reassuring, her nervous smile made it seem otherwise.
“Don’t you get it Applebloom?” Applebloom was caught off guard by Diamond Tiara saying her name with no ill intentions. “They may be calm now, but it’s just hiding how angry they really are.”
“But what was that about “sellin’ them’?”
“You don’t think they would...”
“Would what?!”
“You know. Sell us to ‘Him’”
“You don’ mean…”
“Krastos the glue maker!” They both said the last part together. There was no foal throughout Equestria that has never heard of the dreaded glue maker, an evil ghoul to who parents sold their misbehaving colts and fillies. He would then take them to his glue mines and work them to the bone. And if they misbehaved again, he would gobble them all up.
While Filthy Rich himself didn’t tell Diamond Tiara about the dreaded glue maker; he was well aware that one of the maids probably did. On the other hand, Granny Smith used to tell Applebloom all about the evil glue maker, just like she had told Applejack and Big Macintosh before her.
The two fillies remained the rest of the hour stuck in shell-shocked catatonia.
“This is all your fault, blank flank.”
“Diamon’ Tiara, Ah quite frankly don’ care.”
As the door slowly creaked, the fillies’ ears perked up, the two mares and stallion still locked in conversation as they walked. Before any of them could react, they were met with the unintelligible pleas from two panicking voices.
“Daddy, I’m sorry for fighting in class!”
“I won’ do it again!”
“From now on, I’ll behave like a good filly!”
“Look, we friends now!” The fillies then hugged and gave pleading smiles to their caretakers.
“Please don’t sell us to Krastos!”
The two fillies’ sudden outburst surprised their three caretakers. Applejack was the first to react.
“What are ya two talkin’ about?”
“What is this about selling you to…Krastos?”
“Wasn’t that what you and Appledash…”
“Applejack”
“Whatever…I mean Miss Applejack,” Diamond Tiara corrected herself after her father gave her an angry glare, “were talking about? How you will sell me and Applebloom to Krastos, the Glue Maker for being bad fillies?”
“Yeah we heard ya talkin’ about sellin’ an’ that we will have to pay for what we did an’-an’ “teachin’ us a lesson we would never forget”.”
The adults in the room broke down in laughter at Diamond Tiara’s and Applebloom’s childish naïveté.
“We was talkin’ about selling all the Zap Apples this time to cover up yer little “scruffle”.
“From where you got that silly idea that we would sell you to Krastos?”
“Nopony.” Diamond Tiara’s and Applebloom’s blush was strong enough to be seen through her hair. The two recoiled back in mutual contempt once they realized their ploy was pointless. At least their little ditty was enough to completely lift Cheerilee from her sour mood.
“Oh, what have I been thinking? They are just foals.”
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Damn after updating, i accidentally deleted everyone's comments...
That won't look good.
Oh you added some on this chapter? Nice!
Hope the next update isn't that far away 
Again, good first chapter
-Glassed
196162
It's not immediately, but should be soon. Hopefully not more than a week.
196918
I have all the time in the world.
Okay, I'm going to be really wordy about this, so I apologize in advance...
>Cheerilee had her students write down what were their plans for the summer
That's kind of an awkward sentence structure. I'd just say "Cheerilee had her students write down their plans for the summer."
>Since she did this every year, she has heard many variations of the same plans.
Woah, woah--tense jump there! It should be "she had heard many variations of the same plans."
>She was like the Rucio to Scootaloo’s Rocinante.
I could just be ignorant, but I'm not aware of what this is referencing. Perhaps add a bit of an explanation there?
>“…and that is how I hope to spend my summer holidays,” finished Pipsqueak. The little pinto colt positively beaming at the idea of spending his summer break playing with his best friend.
That first period there should be a comma. All this is just one sentence.
>In the back of the room, two little ponies raised their front hooves in salute to their “general”.
I assume these two little ponies are Dinky and Pipsqueak, but it's not made clear in the story, especially since when we last saw Pip he was still on his way back to his seat.
>“Now, who wants to come up to read their plans for the summer?” Cheerilee scanned the room making an exaggerated thinking pose.
There should be a comma between "room" and "making."
>It’s obvious to anypony who has ever been in a room with Applebloom and Diamond Tiara that the fillies have always had a rather “unfriendly rivalry”, with each one always trying to one-up the other whenever possible.
You mixed up the tenses again! This should be in the past tense. Happens a few times throughout this paragraph, actually.
>“As Ah was sayin’, ‘For mah summer break, Ah have many plans. First Ah’m helpin’ mah sister Applejack and mah big brother Big Macintosh harvest veggies. We will be getting’ Tomatoes, Carrots, Peppers, Cucumbers and Corn and so many delicious veggies”
I have trouble hearing Applebloom use the term "so many delicious veggies." It doesn't quite sound natural. I'd probably rephrase it to "a bunch of tasty veggies" or something of the like. Also, there should be a period at the end there.
>"Then, Ah’ll be helpin’ Granny Smith make some of her super famous and super amazin’ Zap Apple Jam’ and y’all invited!”
You forgot an "are" in there, Applebloom!
>Diamond Tiara couldn’t help but guffaw from Applebloom’s schadenfreude.
It should be "guffaw at" and, er... I've no idea what a scadenfreude is. Blunder, maybe?
>The many times it’s happened before, they just bickered for a few minutes before they stopped on their own and got some detention for interrupting class.
Tense issues!
>“Why do you even have that stupid bow for, huh? That’s too cute for someone as ugly as you. Maybe you should wear mask.”
It should be "What do you even have that stupid bow for, huh?" and "Maybe you should wear a mask."
>“At least they stopped arguing.”
Did Cheerilee say that out loud? If not, I believe you misplaced the quotation marks.
>The yellow filly was too busy biting into the flank of her tormentor to pay attention to anything around her. Diamond Tiara emitted a small wail as she felt the pain and moved out of the way of the furious Applebloom. The pink earth pony bared her teeth back at her class mate in defiance. Despite, or rather in spite of, her delicate appearance, Diamond Tiara was no pushover. Just as Applebloom did moments ago, she pounced onto the yellow filly with the full intention to fight.
Woah there; when did they turn into cats? The idea of two horses pouncing on each other is an odd one, much less biting each other. Being a member of the Apple family, I'd say Applebloom would be more likely to just kick her in the face.
>On the sidelines, a pair unicorn colts looked at the conflict with ponder.
"Ponder" is the wrong word here; it's a verb, not a noun. I'd say "thoughtfulness" or "pensiveness" instead.
>While she was not paying attention, somehow the two fillies have managed to break her desk in the struggle. The two seemed also to be in the middle of attempting to strangle each other while sheets still slowly descended.
A few more tense mistakes here. Also, I'm not entirely sure which "sheets" you're referring to; you should expand on that a little!
>The two fillies nodded a very shy yes, having never seen their teacher so serenely furious.
There's nothing wrong here; I just really like that image. "Serenely furious." Great choice of words.
>Cheerilee instinctually screamed while comically waving her forelegs.
Calling Cheerilee's behavior "comical" is a lot like calling Pinkie "random" or Fluttershy "adorable." It's just unnecessary. If something is funny, it will come across as funny regardless of whether or not you point it out.
>Cheerilee had assaulted the two fillies with an egghead’s most dangerous weapon: alliterations.
Now that was funny--and you didn't even have to say so!
>It had never happened to neither of them before
*either
>Two both fillies the room felt really hot and stuffy. More than how it should feel in a late May.
"Both" already implies that there are two of them; you don't need to say it twice. Also, I'm pretty sure that should just be one sentence.
>There was no foal throughout Equestria that has never heard of the dreaded glue maker. An evil ghoul to who parents sold their misbehaving colts and fillies.
*There was no foal throughout Equestria that had never heard of the dreaded glue maker, an evil ghoul to whom parents sold their misbehaving colts and fillies.
Overall, this is really cute and I'm interested to see where it is going! It could use some work, but the ponies are all in-character, and the humor is actually, well, humorous. Also, Diamond Tiara never gets any fics, so I'm glad to see her take a leading role in this one. Hope I helped!
208225
Thanks so much for the critique
I'll go make the changes tomorrow morning. 
Now i'm too tired. As for the things that confused you:
"Rocinante and Rucio" are references to "Don Quixote". I though it how scootaloo pretty much just jumps into something ridiculous and sweetie belle just follows her without thinking twice but completely aware that what they are doing is dangerous. Since there was no way i could turn Don Quixote and Sancho Panza into horse puns, decided ot just use their mounts as reference. Maybe someday i'll write a pony version of Don Quixote.
As for Schadenfreude, that's comedy stemming form people's misfortune/pain.
Finally, while horses don't pounce (i just couldn't think of another way to start the fight
, they do bite when they fight. Horse fights are weird. They are more like a round of karate than two animals fighting since they lack horns or claws.)
Is there anything else that you think may need some cutting and trimming?
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I feel dumb now. Also, I'd probably just stick with Don Quixote and Sancho Panza as comparisons with Scoots and Sweetie. They're a lot more widely-known than their horses, for obvious reasons. As for pony puns... Donkey Ote? Don Quioate? I've got nothing for Sancho, though. 
Horses bite, huh? I had no idea about that.
I think I covered most of what stood out to me there, but I know there are some minor grammar errors I didn't mention, so if you want to be extra-perfectionist about it, there is that.
Overall, I have only one complaint, this story needs more chapters!
I'm loving it!
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Hopefully i should have the new one before friday
It makes me happy that people are enjoying it 
This was very funny! Shame it seems to be on hiatus, any chance of you bringing it back?
I loved DT and AB being terrified of Krastos, and the possibility of them reconciling their differences. Lovely work, and I hope to see more someday, if you're up for it.
Are you gonna continue this?
Rather nice story. A lot of missing words here and there, but a nice little start. Shame it never continued, looking at the tags it seemed like you had a lot planned for this this. Where ever you are and whatever you're doing these days, hope its going well for you. Thanks for sharing the nice story with us.
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One of many promising ideas that will probably never be completed... 
Alas, according to his user-info page: "Last Seen: 50w, 4d ago".
3028140 I tend to leave comments on dead stories just in the case, for whatever reason, they ever come across their story again they'll know someone at least appreciated the effort they put into their story. Its such a shame so many tend to boycott any story centered around Diamond Tiara.
Even now you'd be hard pressed to get any Diamond Tiara story past an EQD reader if she wasn't playing an antagonistic role. It'll be an achievement in and of itself if a Diamond Tiata centered fic one day passes their barricades. Granted, some stories are pretty whitewashy or just tend to redeem her over the course of a few hours.
There are still some very good stories that won't see the light of day since EQD would be seen as "Supporting bullies". Not to mention "reasons" but they can do what they want I suppose.
3028230 Actually, I did see EqDaily promote the "Cubic Zirconia" fanfic which stars Tiara, so that's not entirely true.. While it stars Tiara, what I like about it is, unlike other "redemption" fics there are still moments in it that display the negative aspects of Tiara's personality, so she's still Tiara in it, but is gradually learning to have empathy for others, and such in it. It also does a good job reminding the reader that Tiara is still a li'l kid, and can be hurt/saddened, (and even makes you feel bad for her) sense alot of fans tend to dehumanize her due to how much of a snob she is. (And perhaps, because they project their own bad experiences with bullies onto Tiara.)
As for this fic', it's not bad, shame it never progressed though. Tiara & Bloom's interactions were kinda interesting.
5584380 I recall something with EqD but at the time of that seventy-seven weeks and two days old comment, EqD had no such mentions of Cubic Zirconia or fics where DT didn't get the short end of the stick. Not to mention pre-readers literally hate Diamond Tiara, or at least that used to be the case for most of them. I know at least Alex still does.
Regardless, yeah, CZ is nice. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/96723/cubic-zirconia#comment/3200779 I got around to reading it once it got a bit juicier in the word count department. It's good to see him put effort into his story. But I'm sick of redemption stories. It's like saying characters aren't interesting or able to have good stories if you aren't changing or stripping away everything that makes them, well, THEM.
Rather, I want to see how they live on a daily basis. Who are in their circle of friends. Does Silver hang out with Twist when Diamond is off playing business pony? What does Diamond Tiara do when she's not hanging with Silver? We've seen Filthy dote his daughter a lot, takes time off work to go to her parents day at school, and we've seen him take her to Foal Fare in that Spike and Rarity episode in S4 ep 25, but what does Diamond do on her own for fun?
We even know other fillies and colts throughout S1, S2, and S4 see Diamond and Silver as popular and ponies worth knowing. DT even talks normally with other fillies in Hearts and Hooves Day (you can hear the audio as she talks about the color she likes of the H&H day cards before Alula gets happy and hoofs her a H&H Day card which left DT speechless and Silver to giggle at the display.)
So I rather see more done with their characters then people get hung up 24/7 just because Silver and Diamond don't get along with, the black sheep of ponyville, the CMC. It gets really tiring after awhile to read the same Silver Spoon story just worded differently about how a cute silly with braided mane and glasses is being forced to be mean and bully others and all those other slight variants that tear her away from her friendship with Diamond Tiara.
Needless to say, I've been around the fandom. Even before this site was a twinkle in Knighty's synapse. The fandom has a small amount of creative people who are vastly outnumbered by those who only want what they know or think they know. Even going so far as to bash people who pair Vinyl with anyone outside Octavia and so forth. It's hard to find good original fiction that isn't borrowing or straight up ripping some other headcanon or just does something random.
If you find something you like, let the authors know. LEAVE A LIKE and a FAV. Again, comments help. So many good writers leave dueto never getting feedback and thinking no one likes a story for various reasons. I've seen some really great writers leave because all people seem to want are crack fics. Let them know what you like and if you want more.
I got off-topic, but yeah. I'm not just spewing crap here. There is a lot of bias in the fandom. Diamond Tiara lovers are a minority among the sea of haters out there. But it's been a few years almost now and we at the Diamond Cutters have held up well and have supported fans and authors in spreading original stories and have a fairly good community. We just want to promote good, and original fictions. All are welcome.
5585911 I don't mind "redemption" stories, as long as they're decent, (but I agree I wouldn't want "every" villain redeemed/reformed. I make an exception for Tiara sense she's a kid, and very widely hated) and what I liked about "Cubic Zirconia" is, she doesn't instantly become "saint," and such. And I like to imagine there's more to Tiara then "being a brat." It actually takes time to develop her, and doesn't get rid of her spoiled/sheltered personality completely. That's why it's one of the few "redemption" fics i like.
I do kinda agree about Silver Spoon "redemption" stories, and I get tired of the same ol', "Oh she was never mean, she was just acting that way, because she's basically Babs Seed Number 2," or something similar... I also don't get why some fans feel Silver is more "redeemable" then Tiara, when she's been just as mean as Tiara was. Some act like Tiara is pure evil, and such, or deserve the worst punishments possible, or Silver should betray her, or something. I don't know.
I agree, though there is some bias (as I pointed out already in my previous remarks) and as you said some uncreative fans, and such. But of course there's silver linings out there to.