A Minor Falsetto (Part Two)
"Vinyl!" Octavia groaned. "What a surprise, running into you here."
"I'd rib you about making a pun." Vinyl wheezed, "But it looks like you already took all of mine out. Pre-emptive strike there?"
"Oh please," Octavia coughed as she stretched her neck, "You say that like I ever have a plan for anything."
"Hey, compared to me, you're like that old tutor of yours. What was her name, again? Too-Bright Snarkle? Twit-like Not-cool?"
"Firstly, anypony who is capable of living in conditons that aren't squalor, let alone of the abject variety, is fit to have that comparison drawn of them. Secondly, she wasn't all that bad."
Vinyl cocked an eyebrow.
"Okay," Octavia grudgingly admitted, "she was exactly that bad. What's your problem with her, anyway?"
"She organized my record collection! Alphabetically, by genre!" Vinyl snapped.
"Oh, dear, what a fearfully evil act. Did she twiddle a moustache and cackle maniacally the whole time?" Octavia smirked, though there was no hint of malice in it, just the sort of comfortable cruelty that only long, long years of friendship allows.
"Well, none of the records were in their original covers! I just put them back on the shelf where they felt right! I still can't find everything!"
"You sure that's because of her?" Octavia dusted herself off, smiling gently, "and not because they're your weapon of choice against ex boyfriends?"
"That's totally their fault too!"
"I believe you, Vinyl," her voice indicating everything but, "just like it was their fault you dated them at all."
"Yeah!" the unicorn either completely missed the sarcasm or, far more likely, chose to ignore it, "I mean, what was with those jerks. They should have been able to work out they weren't good enough for me long before I did. They'd known themselves way longer than I knew them, after all."
"I cannot argue with that logic." Octavia mused.
"Yeah, see-" Vinyl started before a glance from Octavia cut her off.
"I meant," she continued with a wicked grin, "I can't argue with that logic because there isn't any."
Vinyl stared at Octavia, slack jawed. Octavia stared back.
They both fell into each other, laughing.
DJ PoN3 lowered her trademark shades a little, the hint of a tear forming in her eye, wiping it away absently with a hoof.
"You beat me to it, there, Octy." Vinyl chuckled.
"Strange," Octavia threw a hoof to her chest melodramatically, "and here I thought that beats were your area of expertise."
Vinyl's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Them's fightin' words, miss prim. I'll beat you up!" She laughed until she saw Octavia raise an eyebrow.
The unicorn mulled over her word choice and- Oh! She paled noticeably.
"Oh I didn't mean- I mean, you know I- Oh geeze..." the DJ wilted under Octavia's glance. Finally the grey mare burst into laughter, patting Vinyl's white shoulder's reassuringly.
"Hey, it's okay, you were reaching for a pun, I get that. I think that should be-" she waggled her eyebrows a little for effect, "punishment enough."
Vinyl groaned, a serious deadpan expression betrayed by the corners of her mouth twitching desperately,
"That was awful and you know it."
"Well, now we're even. Besides, we both know if we ever got our hooves down and dirty, Vinyl my dear, you wouldn't last five minutes."
"Hey!" she protested, "I totally could. I've got the whole 'wiry raver' thing going on. What have you got?"
Octavia just stood there and tensed. Powerful, athletic muscle rippled through, causing shimmering coat to ripple like silken waves as the taut sinew flexed beneath it, hinting at Octavia's deceptive bulk beneath. The mare couldn't help but smirk.
"You're catching flies, Vinyl."
The unicorn slammed her mouth shut. "I keep forgetting you can do that." She groused, "It's not fair. You're supposed to be the... refined one," she moaned, though there was no real malice to the words, just the flow of a familiar argument between even more familiar friends, "I'm supposed to be the dancing machine." She head-banged, her glasses never once slipping. She'd paid quite a large amount of bits, Octavia knew, to have them specially made for deceptive grip.
"Well, just be glad I love you too much, Scratchy."
"Aw, that's sweet, I love you too, swirly-butt!" She grinned. There was a tender, chaste hug shared between them.
Twilight galloped around the corner like a headless chicken on a mission, a mission which may have involved a large quantity of methamphetamines based on Twilight's usual lack of grace, to find-
"Well, just be glad I love you too much, Scratchy."
A sentence she had obviously just heard completely out of context and should wait for the reply before jumping to any heart breaking conclusions.
You cannot draw a conclusion from a single data point, the scientist in her reprimanded the hyper-anxious, neurotic, hopeless-romantic portion of her, also known as 'the majority'.
'Right' Twilight thought, 'let's see where this goes first. Then I can have a heartbroken meltdown.'
"Aw, that's sweet, I love you too, swirly-butt!"
Yep, that cut it. That's the sort of lewd comment Twilight was assured only two loving ponies did behind closed doors, ones that should always, always, be knocked on before entering and-
Well. Let's just append that thought with the knowledge that Cadance can blush, no matter how pink she already is, and not dwell more on it, shall we?
She felt a hoof slide across her neck, silky soft, and murmured commiserations. Not even bothering to ask Rarity how she had managed to catch up, she allowed herself to be led away.
"Now, why, exactly, am I running into you, you never did say?"
"I just got a heads up from Princess Luna, right?" A few ponies were aware that Luna and Vinyl were drinking buddies, fellow creatures of the night. Fewer ponies were as excruciatingly aware of their antics as Celestia and Octavia, who had to deal with the mythical resulting hangovers. "Turns out Celestia gave tickets out to here favourite primo numero uno student for special admission to one of your performances, right?"
"Well, as flattering as I suppose that is, I don't suspect that's the whole story, now, is it?" Idly, she muttered to herself, "I wonder if she's anything like the last one..."
"No, see," the unicorn huddled up, eyes darting left and right and grinning ruthlessly from ear to ear, "It's the same one. Apparently Twinkleplot Snarkle."
"I wonder if I saw her in the au-" Octavia stopped, suddenly, her jaw slackening and her shoulders slumping.
Vinyl waited patiently, or as patiently as it was possible for the DJ, but that lasted for all of a few seconds before she started poking Octavia in the ribs, trying to get a reaction from her.
None came.
Vinyl was leaning towards Octavia's barrel, attempting to search for a faint telltale thump or any indication the mare was still breathing when-
She was bowled over by the force of her friend exploding, in the euphamistic sense, and falling backwards onto her plot, in the literal sense, a look of shocked dismay on her face.
"I've been so thick!" She blurted, "Thick, thickity thickface, just whip me up a thickshake because I have been so-"
"Thick?" Vinyl offered.
"Dense!" Octavia snapped. "It's her! Why didn't I work it out sooner than this? Thick!"
"Who's her?"
"The bleeding mare that I-" Octavia's head whipped back up. "That I now know how to find! Vinyl, thank you!" She darted forward and wrapped the unicorn in a choking hug, "Thank you so much!"
She darted off again down the corridor, leaving a wheezing and very thoroughly confused DJ in her wake.
"Err..." The DJ breathed to herself, "You're welcome?"
Octavia skipped down the hallway in bounding lunges, occasionally kicking her hocks together in glee, as Vinyl stared on in confusion.
"Oh, heya, Twilight!" the gatekeeper of Twilight's sanctuary greeted, "what can I getcha?"
"The usual, Joe," Twilight murmured, "Sweet ambrosia and consummate joy."
"Coffee and glazed doughnuts coming up. Freshly baked, freshly brewed and served with today's crossword."
"You are the centre of my universe, Joe” Twilight nodded, hoofing a healthy handful of bits onto the counter, “the gravitational anchor point which holds me in orbit in a turbulent and unloving void.”
Twilight stalked towards her Spot in the joint and reverently took a seat. She collapsed into her seat, her head unceremoniously clunking against the table, occasionally raising a few inches to make room for doughnut. Applejack dropped an extra two bits onto the counter before following her. A silent nod between her and Joe was all that was needed.
Applejack had managed to make a business contact the night of the gala, having found a kindred soul in Joe and as a result Pony Joe and Applejack had come to a degree of friendship and even mutual respect.
The end result were the best apple fritters in Equestria.
Joe turned to Rarity, who was eyeing the counter wearily. Her eyes had an almost manic gleam to them, which Joe was all too familiar with.
“You're hoping for a low-fat, low sugar option are you?” He grinned.
Rarity leapt back as if she had been slapped, staring at him now with the same desperate eyes.
“Well, I'm sorry, luv, but there ain't any. It's all deep fried, sugar glazed and coated, artery clogging goodness.”
She responded by furrowing her eyebrows, glancing between Joe and the... Figure ruining morsels, and back.
“Yes, they'd go straight to your flanks. Honestly, they're fairly gorgeous, but a few couldn't hurt. Yes, the amount you're considering is more than a few. Yes, I also serve some of the best darn milkshakes in the city. No, I'm not reading your mind, but close enough. Yes, I can keep a secret. Nopony but us has to know.”
Rarity glared at the grinning, burly, hunky, stupid tempter before her. Did you know that lifting all that batter and stirring it gave a stallion deceptively thick muscles? That's just... Unfair.
'This would be so much easier if he weren't so... Argh!'
“Here's twelve bits.” She growled. “Give me whatever you deem your finest selection.”
“Would you like a paper bag for-” he circled a hoof in thought, “leftovers?”
“No evidence.” Rarity hissed.
Joe nodded with a knowing smirk, which would only have served to infuriate Rarity further if he wasn't acting like such a stupidly good-looking, if a rough around the edges, gentlecolt. Instead it just gave him the air of the rapscallion, with boyish charm and-
As Rarity fumed internally as he silently passed her a tray of fatty sugary goodness.
“Do you know how how much jogging I'll need to burn off these?!”
“Less than a marathon, more than a Running of the Leaves.”
“Really?” Rarity stopped.
“More or less than you thought?”
“Less. Better throw in another two or three to make it even, then.”
Pony Joe grinned and did as he was asked, glancing over at the sullen Twilight Sparkle, who was staring at her doughnut forlornly, reciting nihilistic poetry. Occasionally Rarity overhead some that she recognized.
"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
"Twilight, was that a quote of the immortal bard?"
"Yep." She growled into the table, "The long dead one."
“Now, I don't mean to pry- Well, actually, I do.” He stated plainly, “But Twilight hasn't seemed this downtrodden since she failed that test a dozen years ago, or so.”
Rarity stared.
“What are ya more surprised at, the fact that I remembered that or the fact that Twilight failed a test?”
“I'm not entirely sure.” Rarity answered honestly.
“Well, I'd never seen her so shook up about something before or since, 'til now. Ain't right seeing her like this.”
“Poor dear, just fell for a mare pretty darn hard.”
“Not as hard as the landing I take it?” Joe grunted as he fiddled with some knobs on the coffee machine.
“Exactly.” Rarity nodded, levitating the tray of doughnuts over to Twilight's table. Applejack grabbed her fritter and continued to listen to Twilight, words that Rarity couldn't hear nor understand. She'd seemed to have taken to latin, now, for some reason.
“So she's into mares then, huh? Explains why she turned down all those stallions she turned down over the years.”
“Mind.” Twilight snapped, sending Applejack rocking back in her seat, eyes bulging, “Not body.”
“Dear, you keep seeing that, but if you want us to believe that you need to be a bit more subtle in your ogling.” Rarity turned, eyebrow raised.
Twilight scowled and demolished a powdered doughnut.
“Well, it was partially my fault, as loathe as I am to admit it,” Rarity turned back to Joe sighing, “I remembered enough to tell her the mare she fell for was, in fact, of a similar persuasion. I conveniently forgot, however, that I knew this because of the gossip columns about her and her partner.” Rarity scowled, “A fact that she found out rather personally.”
“Ah.” Joe said simply, levitating a tray of hot drinks to the table. Twilight levitated the pot and gingerly poured one out for Applejack, another for Rarity, before pouring the rest directly into her mouth. Applejack watched in amusement, nibbling on her fritter.
“Twilight. Manners. Vulgar.” Rarity snapped.
Twilight glared at Rarity in defiance as she continued chugging straight from the visibly-steaming pot.
“So, gossip magazine columns huh?” Joe mused, watching Twilight with cautious amusement himself, “must have been a fairly famous pony, then.”
“Or, rather, her partner was. Vinyl Scratch, you see?”
“Oh, her,” Joe mused, “Yeah, I've heard of her, she does some good stuff. Pony Rock Anthem, right?”
“Among others.” Rarity mumbled bitterly.
“I take it you're not a fan?”
“No, no, her music is perfectly fine, and Sweetie Belle seems to enjoy her immensely regardless, I'm still mulling over the whole-”
“-Inadvertently broke your friend's heart thing, right?” Joe finished with a sad nod. “Gotcha. You might want to go ahead and console her, now, anyway.”
Rarity grabbed up her doughnuts, the fresh heat wafting out of the bag tugging at what little remnants of self control she had left, as she afforded Joe one last glance.
“Subtly trying to move me along for other customers are we?” She smirked.
“Lady, you're the only customers I reckon I'll see the rest of the night.” Joe laughed, easily, “I reckon if I get you with your friends whether they'll notice how much you've been ogling me, too, or if it's just wishful thinking.”
Rarity blushed, doing her best to mask it with a scowl, as she snatched up her bag and stormed over to the table, leaving Joe laughing behind her the whole way.
“Well, what was all that about sugarcube?” AJ greeted her, taking the last bites out of her first fritter. Her only fritter, sure, but based on the way that she was eyeing Rarity's veritable sack of doughnuts, Rarity knew she'd be ordering more as the night, inevitably, progressed.
“That rather presumptuous stallion accused me of ogling him!” Rarity fumed.
Applejack blinked. Even Twilight looked up from her current doughnut, a white-icing coated ordeal with purple sprinkles Twilight had carefully arranged into Octavia's cutie mark. Rarity hoped this was Twilight merely dealing with metaphorically getting over the mare and not, say, some lewd mental imagery.
“Rarity.” Applejack started, “When he was talkin' you made eye contact sure enough, but uh, rest of the time you were starin' at them muscles of his. Or his mane. Or his withers. Frankly, you were ogling up a veritable storm, there, missy.”
“Well, it's not my fault he's got that whole diamond-in-the-rough je ne sais quois going for him.” She scowled at the grinning baker, who waved a spatula back at her with a toothy grin, “Frankly it's his.”
“Yep.” Applejack deadpanned, “Sure is real wicked of him taking advantages of his, er, 'rugged' good looks of his.”
“Well- Surely he's far too old for me anyway.”
“Not really, Rarity.” Twilight muttered as she took another ferocious bite of her dough-butt, “He's only a few years older than us. Been working here as a busboy since I was in school, he didn't inherit it until a just a while before I left for Ponyville actually. Shame, that, his doughnuts are so much better than his Dad's.”
Twilight momentarily levitated a pile of doughnut crumbs in front of her, arranging them into a cascade of swirling flecks of sugar flying around in the shape of a pulsing love heart. She smiled wistfully, even as the sweet-heart froze completely over, falling back to the table with a dull thunk.
She was still staring fondly at the frozen heart as it burst into cold, cold flames.
“So, he's just a bit older, owns his own business in Canterlot, and Rarity isn't hearing a word I'm saying because she's too busy staring at his barrel?” Applejack tactfully ignored the burning effigy beside them and snickered as Rarity drooled a little, stuffing another doughnut into her mouth absentmindedly, oblivious to the small pop of the explosion that snapped Twilight back out of her trance, only causing Rarity to absently brush charred frozen crumbs from her mane.
“Well, Rarity, hope your evening goes better for you than it did for me.” Twilight smiled, a sad bittersweet little number but a genuine one. “I know for a fact Joe doesn't have much luck with the ladies up here, used to be a fun topic of ours.”
“Nopony appreciates a right amount of scruff around these parts, eh?” Applejack muttered, a second apple fritter having mysteriously appeared onto her plate at some point.
“I did this place's accounting for a year, once, for extra credit.” Twilight smiled, her eyes glossing over momentarily in fond nostalgia, “They do little more than break even, most pony's around here are too good for this place, right? Turns out they run this place almost out of spite for the snobs, and there's just enough ponies around to keep them in business purely out of guilty pleasure.”
Applejack snorted, spraying a little bit of powdered sugar on Rarity in the process. Of course, Joe had chosen this exact moment to reach a high shelf for a particularly heavy sack of sugar, so Rarity didn't even notice.
“Well what happens when there's an unexpected business expense? Those ovens can't be cheap, for instance, and business would grind to a halt without bakin' in the bakery. A loan can't really be a viable option, since the interest would eat into the profits, since customers eatin' aren't makin enough, right?”
“Oh, now that's the best part,” Twilight grinned goofily, sitting up straighter in her chair, “I think Shining Armour is in on it, and probably Luna too if the recent lack of moon pies is any indication. Every time something like that happens they get a mysterious tax break, about as much as they were losing, based on 'services to the crown'. I don't think the Guard have had to pick a new lunch spot in years."
Rarity grinned. “A hero to the guard you say?”
“Well, I wouldn't say hero but-”
“Well I would.” Rarity sighed happily.
“Oh fer the love of-” Applejack sighed. “Hey, Joe!” She called out.
“Yes, Miss AJ?”
“Get your flank over here for a minute.”
“Oh, I can't do that, there could be another customer here any second!”
“Who you tryin' to fool, ya big galoot? Now, just mosey on over here a mo.”
Joe chuckled and meandered from behind the counter as Rarity shot Applejack a frantic look, a few elegant frantic hoof gestures and a few none-too-subtle glances at all available exits and a few windows.
Twilight stared at Applejack in confusion... Until Applejack winked at her, and Twilight's eyes widened, a little 'o' shaping her lips.
“Joe, you know Rarity. Shame we didn't get to chat more on the train, of course, but you know her just the same.”
“O' course.” he grunted.
“You think she's a fine piece o' mare, don'cha?”
Rarity's head flopped forward, slamming onto the table with a staccato 'bang' as she groaned, ears flopped in resignation.
“O' course,” he repeated, “Stallion'd be lucky to have a gal like that.”
Rarity's head didn't lift from the table, but an ear pricked up, causing Twilight to giggle slightly.
“Well, figure you two could just get this over with and snog, or sumthin', already?”
“Applejack!” Rarity snapped, her head raising from the table like a dawning sun, and of approximately the same shade of red.
“I've got no objections to that.” Joe grinned.
Rarity squeaked and shot Twilight a pleading look.
Twilight glanced at Rarity slyly. “You know, Rarity, he's a common pony in a big, fancy city like Canterlot, place that thinks it's too good for him. Not only is he a diamond in the rough, but it's also a sort of forbidden love, don't you think? Just like out of a fairy tale.” Applejack applauded Twilight silently, shooting the unicorn a wink.
Joe grinned, blushing slightly, rubbing the back of his scruffy mane awkwardly with a hoof. “Well, you flatter me miss, but I wouldn't know-”
He was interrupted by a throaty, almost bestial, growl as Rarity pounced, bowling him over and peppering him with smooches.
Joe watched helplessly, not that he had any objections of course, as Twilight grabbed up their sacks of donuts, trotted out of the store, and a little purple hue switched his 'open' sign to 'closed'.
Hoo, boy.
Octavia rifled through her old sheet music, the special sheets that had been kept aside from her years doing magical research, bound in thick faux-leather so that any latent energies couldn't escape and wreak havoc on her strings.
Near the very front of the tome was a simple leaf of music, the music contained on it yet simpler, almost like a cheerful lullaby sung to an infant.
She grabbed and it gingerly put the old parchment on the music stand, resting a cello beside it, as she scrounged around the small nook attached to the music room for some blank parchment, quills, ink, everything she'd need to write a letter.
It, too, was a simple letter, using very little words but heavy with meaning, one that was placed beside the sheet music on the stand as the 'ritual' demanded.
She took up the cello and played, a song she and Twilight had penned years ago, one of the very first songs the two had composed together in fact, a piece she hadn't played in years.
It was the first truly bardic spell they had created, a means of sending letters between them, across vast distances, keyed to work on two ponies who held each other in their minds, guiding it through the empathetic link.
A spell that hadn't worked for Octavia for years she didn't care to count... until, of course, tonight.
She gingerly put down the bowstring and smiled in relief.
The parchment with the letter was once more blank.
It had worked. She remembered her.
For the first time in years, it had worked again.
“I wasn't that bad, was I, Applejack?” Twilight muttered through a mouthful of bear claw. “You know, earlier?”
“Sugarcube, you were a heck of a lot worse with the goo-goo eyes.”
“Oh.” Twilight sighed.
“Don'tcha worry none, Twi, frankly it was just as hilarious, we ain't holdin' none of that against you.”
Twilight smiled a little at Applejack and leaned into her a little as they walked, just happy to have a friend. The fact that every other happy couple they happened to pass that night was brushed aside, or had a mysterious storm cloud appear above them, or be assaulted by a volley of custard-creme pies. That was purely a series of highly unlikely coincidences.
“We pick her back up in the mornin', right?”
“If'n she so chooses to leave.” Applejack chuckled.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, Applejack mine, Rarity knows to always leave them wanting more after all.”
“Lucky stallion, right?”
“I'm honestly happy for them. Joe's a sweetheart, and Rarity, well-”
“Hey, as long as I don't have to tie her down around my brother anymore, it's a win situation for us.”
“I just don't see what other ponies see in Big Mac.” Twilight glanced back at AJ, “His vocabulary doesn't even have the word vocabulary in it.” Her eyes widened a moment and she shot Applejack an apologetic look, “No offense.”
“Well, shoot, he's always been more of the math type anyway. Calls it the universal language or sumthin', I don't really get it.”
“But, just earlier-” Twilight blinked.
“Oh, business maths I can do. Nah, Mac is more like a physician, only not the doctor kind.”
“A physicist?” Twilight offered helpfully.
“That's the one, though that word must be real cruel on anypony with a lisp.” She chuckled, “Anywho, sits around one day and bam, apple to the head, next thing you know he's talkin' about how the ground makes light all bendy or somethin' like that.”
Twilight's eyes widened, again, for a much longer moment. “Mac and I are going to have to have a serious talk when we get back.”
“See, I just thought it was the concussion talkin', but then he went and made all these fancy numbers to prove it, so, I dunno. Reckon he'd do a lot of progress with Rainbow Dash, at least the tail end of her, if she weren't so busy chasin' after us girls and our tail ends.” The farmer grinned.
“I still don't- Wait, Rainbow Dash hits on us?”
“You in particular, Twi.”
“No way.” Twilight didn't say it sarcastically, or defiantly, or with any tinge of disbelief. This was purely a statement of logical fact. “I would seriously have noticed by now.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow, grin never fading. “Twilight, you really are just the most adorably naïve little mare I've had the good fortune to meet, you know that?”
“What do you mean?”
Applejack coughed slightly, drawing her voice into a passable rasping mockery of Rainbow, “Oh hey, Twilight, how's about you and me stay up for a late night anatomy study session, you up for it?”
Twilight's eyes sparkled. “Oh, yes, that was so fun, we stayed up all night reading about sensitive nerve clusters on pegasus wing joints and the application of pressure to certain points of a unicorn's horn to-” The gleam in Twilight's eyes died as abruptly as they began, and a scowl tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Oh dear Celestia she was talking about erogenous zones wasn't she?”
Applejack burst out laughing, grabbing in futility at her sides.
“Hey she- Oh that's just...” Twilight fumed, “Rainbow!”
“If it makes you feel better,” Applejack breathed between wracking laughs, “she said after that she had a powerful fun evenin', learned an awful lot from you. Apparently even put it to good use, if she's to be believed, which is somethin' I'm rather dubious to do, though.”
“No wonder she kept lighting scented candles!”
As years of 'friendship' with Rainbow Dash was scrutinized by a unicorn in very visible shock, Applejack went on, offering helpful pointers and tips the whole walk back to Twilight's old room.
Even as Twilight scrutinized, for some reason, the back of their receipt from the doughnut shop, Applejack was deeply glad that she had forgotten all about the musician from earlier.
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Nice chapter, can't wait for the next one.
So Twilight was Octavia's tutor once upon a time?
the amount of happy i got when i saw this updated gave me diabetes.
i hate needles. thanks for the insulin necessity you talented ass.
great chapter and i eagerly await more.
I spotted a couple typos (but they're fixed now), but holy crap that Rarity scene is hilarious.
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Cheers! I sent this out to some pre-readers but after another cursory glance and a quick speel check (All Applejack's dialogue ping a frickin linged like crazy, made my job a lot harder) I decided you guys had waited far too long as it was.
Fixing now.
What a great chapter!
Took you long enough.
Nice how you gave Joe a shot with Rarity. And the bit about Rainbow? Priceless!
~Skeeter The Lurker
I loved this chapter! And I'm rather expecting a Starwars from Octavia. "She's my sister!"
could be missing a few words there.
Overall liking the story quite a bit.
ha! same old rainbow! more, and soon!
Ok, more now please 'n' thanks.
Oh goddammit don't you dare tell me we're gonna have several chapters of wacky misunderstanding. I will shit myself in rage...
Wait, missed the thing about the recepit... good.
... Has that ship even been done before? Jority? Rarijoe? Fuck it, Diamond Donuts.
That was Priceless I hope the message Octavia sent to Twilight gets to her.
Oh and I loved the little tidbits of Rainbow Dash well done 
I WANT MOAR SOON! 
If that is alright with you 
octavia sent twilight a letter didn't she? it seems likely if twilight was tutoring her she'd teach her some kinda similar spell to the wone she had with celestia.
You are making making me ship Rarity Joe. STAHP.
3028862
YUS
PS Don't Stahp.
The puns and Rarity and Rainbow and everything made me want to upvote again. Please continue.
3028570
you just killed me with that chaper!
havent laughed that hard in ages^^
I was honestly a bit disappointed in this chapter, despite the fun moments you added.
These are just my first impressions: Maybe I’d feel different if I went back and read from beginning to end, but this is what I thought about as I read this chapter:
– The conversation between Octavia and Vinyl seemed forced and rushed. The campyness and puns I get, but the dialog itself seemed really not worthy of your previous chapters.
– Twilight’s scene about the ‘discovery’ of Octavia and Vinyl seemed rushed and almost glossed over.
– The donut shop scene was fun, but the conversation between Joe and Rarity – while it was fun and funny – seemed at times to be happening right next to Twilight and AJ one moment, and in far-off secrecy the next.
– Twilight’s speech patterns also seem... off, unlike how she speaks in the previous chapters. She’s more matter of fact and clipped in a way that feels more like she’s always spoken in clipped sentences rather than that she’s abrupt because she’s pining for a mare she thinks she can’t have. At other times, her manner and vocabulary are just... different, oddly out of character and somewhat flat.
– The play between and about Rarity and Joe was quite fun, though Twilight must not have been that heartbroken if she and her friends were all working to set Rarity up with Joe right as Twilight is commiserating over donuts... She seems too happy during and after the donut shop scene. I really felt like you lost the magic of that excellent romantic tension between Twilight and Octavia that you’d built up to now.
– Rarity jumping Joe, and Twilight and AJ just leaving them both seemed pretty unrealistic, considering the circumstances, but it was fun.
– Aside from the letter-writing scene – which I liked – you threw a number of under-developed threads at us at the end, which I felt could have been better explored as long as you were going to the trouble of showing them to us. Maybe you’ll do that in later chapters, but right now it felt like a lot of interesting tidbits were presented that were more plot distractions rather than serving to advance the story.
Overall it was a fun chapter, but it seemed not nearly as focused and carefully written as your previous chapters have been.
3028862
Sounds good!
YesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesYesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes about sums up my reaction when the new chapter appeared, but with more happy jumpy dancing.
“Dear, you keep seeing that, but if you want us to believe that you need to be a bit more subtle in your ogling.” Rarity turned, eyebrow raised.
Seeing -> Saying.
A particularly ironic typo.
3029333
You've taken the time to write your concerns, so I'm obligated to sit down and address them for you, and I really appreciate you taking the time to do so.
I, err, may have mild autism that makes writing natural, easy friendships very difficult for me. Err hur hur hur... Eugh.
It was meant to. It happened pretty damn quick, with Twilight staying for just two sentences. It's meant to reflect her mood going I am wildly head over hooves for somepony to oh dear god I have just discovered that the feeling isn't mutual I must flee now. in that short time span.
Again, I thought I'd hedged that bet by mentioning, whenever anypony else was around to narrate that is, that Rarity was a little... Involved in this particular conversation. When she's around
and 
you get to see a little more clearly why their input was glossed over until it irreverently forced itself into her little drooly dreamland.
Still intentional! Exactly what I intended even. She's not pining for a mare she can't have, no, she's resigned and crushed. Already thrown in the towel, as it were. She's not pining, she's mourning, she's accepted her loss and is trying to move on, not dwell on it, which is what I tried to bring up with-
-this. Heck, you even bring up why I tried to bring it up. Pining implies hope, and what if, and Twilight doesn't have any of that. She's just been battered and broken, for now, so this is honestly her and AJ bonding over her getting over her, in their minds, irrational heart break by trolling Rarity... A little too well, it seems.
I honestly thought about what their reactions would be to AJ's little 'plan' going far too well. I then thought about what Rarity would do to them in the heat of the moment if they attempted to drag her out of there.
"Oh, now my friends are keeping us apart, this just gets more unrequited by the- Nope, can't handle it, KRAV MAGA!"
*WHAM*
*SOCK*
*BIFF*
"Now, where were we, my dearest?"
Since this story doesn't involve the emergency room (Unless it does! Later! You'll never know until you do!) I figured, for all involved's safety, this was the outcome that would probably transpire.
Something I was afraid of, and you've picked up on obviously. The half baked threads aren't resolved in the slightest, they're marinating for the next chapter, and paying attention to them should turn out more thoroughly rewarding in the next chapter for your noticing. Such is the dangerous tightrope I walk between alternating between past and present at the moment like I am. (Next chapter should be the last flashback, I swear, don't hurt me!)
See, I can't do that more here, it's the wrong place for it, but if I don't mention them now but have them revealed later then it seems odd in retrospect when nobody picks up on the common knowledge. It's a fun piece of practice as a writer, though, to see what I can get the characters to react to sans audience knowledge.
Anyway, if you disagree with any of this, feel free to reply again, feel more than free to actually, I hope this has sated your discomfort for the time being though.
Loved it!
3031260
you keep seeing that; saying
Oh boy. More misunderstanding. Time to headbutt.
Hah, Joe is quite a catch for someone like Rarity in this fic. Nicely done and entertaining.
3031260 Thank you, I very much appreciate your response to my critique. Believe me, especially lately I know how hard it is to write a story, work, learn, and do all of life's crazy time-consuming crap and then still respond to external commentary. And I understand every bit of your response to my critique...
This is the first real critique I've given your story. Know why? Because I like it. Quite a lot. I think, up until this latest chapter, that you've really hit the 'nail on the head' on intellectual, emotional, and plot elements that really drive and are the beating heart of this story.
Which is why I was surprised by this chapter, which despite your explanations - which I fully understand - still don't convince me that this chapter is close enough to what you've done so far in terms of quality. I really, really think you can do better.
So far I seem to be your only detractor on this one, and I fully admit that it's possible that I am wrong. But obviously I don't think I am, not yet. If I am convinced later on, I'll certainly apologize to you for crapily sowing doubt.
I like a lot about this chapter, but as I stated before, I feel it needs some work and truly deserves a second look on your part.
Thanks for not taking offense.
My Dear Mr Numbers,
So glad you didn't die!
This chapter is definitely not your best work by a long shot BUT giving the rough ride you've had recently I can understand why. Also, I think it's just a 'filler' chapter with the best yet to come.
Overall, a few minor errors present (you should really let me pre read for you), it retains the sense of humour from past chapters and, as always, left me wanting MORE!
So GO FORTH AND WRITE ( like you know you can)
Your ever faithful fan
Loopy do
I loved this chapter, it was absolutely hilarious! And the characterisation of Joe and Rarity was top notch too! Good to have you back, author.
3032144
Oh dear god no, no, never feel bad about trashing my stuff, I appreciate it far more than I am offended. I sincerely hope the next chapter helps re-consolidate you with the story, and if not, that I at least don't ruin it for you.
3031894
Maybe it's a freudian slip induced by typing instead of saying, noticabe
3031260
I do understand what you're going for, with Twilight resigned rather than pining, but I also hold that that a hair more moping on Twilight's part would fit the scene better. Her issues are pretty much entirely pushed into the background by everything else (Rarity and Joe, even stuff about Big Mac and Rainbow who aren't present). I'm not saying it should be big or over the top (her crush didn't have that long to develop after all) but it felt sidelined too quickly. The reason most people don't say anything is probably because the stuff taking center stage is genuinely funny but it needs a little more "Twilight is disappointed" between these things.
Still, glad to see more of this and I see my questions from last chapter were answered with "she didn't recognize her because it's been too long and they've both changed". Which is sensible, though it does seem to highlight the mildly frustrating trend I see in stories to give people who are developing a romance in present day a long lost connection, frequently from their childhood, as if to say 'you can't just meet someone in your everyday life, no no it has to be destiny or at least history'.
So glad to see this updated! I do hope we get a little more Twi/Octy in the next chapter though, it was pretty thin in this one...
Twilight quoting nihilistic poetry is the best thing ever.
Poor Joe doesn't know what he's getting into.
3032542 I agree with wolfe, it was really sub-par compared to your other chapters (thank god he said it first, I'm getting sick of being that guy) There was simply nothing leading into these scenes. I had to go back to the last chapter just to be sure I hadn't missed something, and was even more confused when I found that I hadn't. It feels like this chapter was written for a different story, written by a different person. Let me tell you that going from this story (the original one) to that story (this chapter) is not only incredibly jarring, but really disappointing, because this story is nowhere near as good. I'd honestly suggest you rewrite it, but I feel I'm already overstepping my bounds as a reader/fan by bitching about it.
3034291
I'd consider it if the sudden 'do-over' wouldn't seem more jarring than simply improving on my mistakes from here on out, I honestly would.
Hopefully this chapter was at least amusing enough that you'll stick around that long, though, eh?
3034309 I doubt that you could lose me with this story, if only for the fact that there is so little good twitavia that it hurts. You've also proven yourself an extremely capable writer, which is really the only reason why this chapter was as disappointing as it was. I know you'll do better and I look forward to future chapters
Though I still wish you'd reconsider a rewrite. As much as it would bother people to have to reread it, it would improve the story as a whole.
Rare´s was so OC with Joe. No offense.^^
Damnit, don´t TEASE me! D:
But that part where AJ told Twi all about how she, a lesbian, missed another hot (everypony would agree that RD`s hot XD) lesbian#s pretty obvious hints, was really hillarious. AJ's right to call her the most adorable, naive mare she had meet. <3
But now I kinda hope for a RD-Twi-Octi love triangle infuture chapters. The whole pegasi-Unicorn-Earth pony thing is already pretty good but make that the most awesome pegasi, one of the most beautiful Earth ponies and the most adorable Unicorn and you got a goddess triangle. And it would be cute to see Twi squirm in RD's presence and apologizes for not noticing the signs which in turn embaresses RD cause that's not how she had imagined finding out that Twi is truly a lesbian, just too dense to notice her broad hints.
(though who knows, right? As far as I remember we have yet to see RD in this fic, could turn into quite a surprise when she shows up, ne~~~)
Also Octi being jealous of RD would be a glorious sight while her friends ofc are either unsure who to support or are already in clear camps (Rare and AJ for Octi while Pinkie and Shy a rerooting for RD XD). Then again, I doubt that your RD version is ready to get tied down for one mare, even if it is Twilight Sparkle.
Not sure how I feel about this chapter, it was funny dont get me wrong. but we all waited this loge, and Tav abd TWi have not even said a word to the other yet. it just seem like a bit of a rip off to me.
Added a few scenes to help with Twilight.
Some poetry, some fire, and some happy couple's nights ruined. Cheers again.
Mr Numbers,
Just enjoyed a second reading of this chapter, the first being at 5am in the morning and slightly tainted by a lack of sleep!
The added scenes with Twilight have definitely improved the whole idea you were trying to convey in the first draft whilst also adding more humour! Bravo!
Still can't wait for more, still want it yesterday, please don't leave it too long.
Loopy
3039153 Ah! I thought there was some new stuff. And here I thought I had missed it the first time from reading too fast... again.
Now then, I am in dire need of MOAR, and would like to place an order for it. When is the soonest I can pick it up?
Well I thought this was great, mesel'.
1) As usual... Moar.
2) I noticed a fair but more grammatical errors and such in this chapter than any previous (though last chapter had a couple, I think). No offense. I could look through again and point them out, if you'd like.
3) I got a bit confused with the way the "Octavia and Twilight knew each other" bit last chapter, but I get it now. Pretty interesting, yo. lol
I... Seem to have remarkably little to say. Which is unfortunate, given how much I like this story. But, while I'm not inclined to chew you out for it or anything, the token "goes to meet crush but is crushed by a well-timed misunderstanding" bit isn't something I'm fond of, lol. That kind of thing usually just seems annoyingly unnecessary to me, but meh. I'm not surprised that it wasnt that easy, and things are progressing decently so far, so it's coo'.
3112851
I AM GOING TO TWIST THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR EXPECTATIONS
JUST YOU WATCH ME
I AM A GODDAMN MAD MAN. (Not to be confused with the goddamn batman, who is also a goddamn madman, but it's a rectangles-squares scenario here.)
3112870
DON'T DO IT, MAN. IF DERPY SHOOTS FIRST, I SWEAR...
Hbgggggedvgdvgrf. That is the sound of my joy.
3191474 static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Murloc.+asdf_a7f672_4400765.jpg
3210573 Thank you.
3210573
3211879
There once were fans in the comments
Who were amused greatly by this story's contents
But it hasn't updated
And so it is fated
That I shall apologize with limericks for my nonsense.