Oh! For Love's sake!

by Love Checker

Chapter 4: A night to remember

Earlier today, Lighting had asked me if I wanted to go to the movies tonight. I said yes to him for a reason. I needed to relax a little since last night. My hoof was still a little tired from writing. I had asked Fluttershy to babysit my two dogs. "Umm... So you're going to the movies?" She asked me. I nodded levitating my coat. "The food for the doggies... are here too... right?" she asked pointing at th cupboard. I nodded again.

"I best be going,Fluttershy." I said. She nodded and went off to prepare the two dogs' food. There was a knock on the door. I looked into the little hole at my door. It was Lighting. I opened the door. "Hi,Lightning." I said.

"Hi,Love." he replied. It was a starry night. Princess Luna really made it pretty. I looked at Lighting who was staring at me . I was getting a little worried about him. This was just weird. He shaked his head. "Sorry..." He said. "Let's go to the movie house, now then.". So we left my house and headed for the movie house.

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We finally arrived at the movie house. Lightning had already gotten us tickets for a romance-comedy movie. He seems to know my taste. He also got some delicous cookies. Those cookies he got were sugar cookies. My favorite! Okay. How did he know that I love sugar cookies? We aren't that close. How does he lnow that stuff! I know he isn't pshyic!

Althourghout the movie, I noticed Lightning staring at me just like at my house. He was getting a little too weird. "So... did you like the movie?" He asked me as we were getting out of the movie house. I nodded. The most romantic part was just like my dream. The movie had only lasted for an hour and a half. The nightsky looked so pretty. Then I saw a pegasus in the distance. He had dark blue hair, emerald green eyes, leaves being blown by the wind as his cutiemark and brown body. He looked pretty cute. I mean, by Rose's standards. Oh what the hay, he was sooo handsome! He was flying towards me! My heart was beating fast. "Hi. My name's Swift." He said. "A pretty mare like you should have a pretty name.". I blushed.

"Love... Love Checker's my name. hehe." I replied. I was nervous. Really nervous. He was so cute! The most hamdsome colt I've ever seen. He smiled at me. I looked away blushing. I think I was staring at him.
"Um... How about we get something to eat." Lighting butted in. I shoke my head to get out of my daze. I hadn't eaten dinner yet. My stomach grumbled.
"Okay. How about you come with us Swift?" I asked. He nodded in approval. I smiled. Maybe he's my secret admirer.
"How 'bout you ride on my back?" he asked me. I nodded. The next thing I knew, we were up in the clouds and I was holding Swift tightly. He was smiling. I looked down at the ground and I saw Lighting running by faster than Swift. He was pretty Lighting fast. I giggled at my joke. I've also heard from Rainbowdash and Fluttershy that sometimes at night, Lighting would be running in the sky. Although I noticed, he wasn't as fast as Rainbow, but he sure was fast for a unicorn. He stopped at an Italian restaurant. Swift went down for a landing. You know, I'm beginning to wonder how Lightning knows that I like Italian food. I've never told him any of these things. I only told him the kinds of movies I liked. Me and Swift went into the restaurant where Lightning was already seated at a table. "C'mon you two."Lightning said. "I've already ordered some food. You can ask for additions to the order.".

"So, what did you order?" I asked him. I was pretty curious if he knew some of my favorite food.
"Spaghetti with tomato sauce, not meat sauce, Pepperoni pizza, blueberry cheesecake for desert, and raspberry iced tea." he replied confidently. I was surprised. He knows my favorite food! How much does he know? As soon as Lighting had told me what did he order, Swift called a waiter and ordered his food. Ten minutes later, our food was served. It was delicious for my first time to go to this restaurant. It was getting late, Lightning had offered to walk me home before Swift had to say a word. We talked and talked as he guided me home. I didn't know we had so much in common. He likes Romance-Comedy movies just like me. He likes to read and he likes Italian food just like me. I enjoyed every last minute with him that I was sad when we reached my home. We exchanged goodbyes before he left for his home. As soon as Lightning left, Sweetiebelle ran towards me with a panicked expression on her face.

"What's wrong, Sweetiebelle?" I asked her.
"ApplebloomandScootaloarefightingaboutwhogetsSpike!" Sweetiebelle exclaimed. I calmed her down a little bit. "They're asking me who's side am I on, but I just couldn't choose between my two bestfriends." she said as soon as she was calm.
"Wait... When did this happen?" I asked sheepishly.
Sweetiebelle groaned. "You don't remember?!" she exclaimed. I shoke my head. She told me everything, even the things when I wasn't with them. I recalled my memories. Sweetiebelle was right! We ran straight outside heading for their clubhouse.

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We thought they were in the clubhouse but they weren't, so Sweetiebelle and I thought we should split up and try to see if they were at their homes. I took Applebloom's house while she went to Scootalo's. Applebloom's home wasn't that far, so I got there in lickety-split. I knocked on the door to which Applejack had answered too. "Well, howdy there, Love!" she said. "What'd ya want at this late hour?".

"I want to speak with Applebloom." I told her. She gave me a confused look, since I don't come around at ten o'clock in the evening and tell her I that I want to speak with Applebloom.

"If ya say so, Sugarcube." She replied. "By the way, she's crying' 'bout that crush of hers on... Ya know... Spike.". I walked up the stairs and knocked on Applebloom's door.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" she sobbed. She was truly in a bad mood.
"Let me in." I asked her.
"NO!" she yelled.
"Aww... Please?" I asked her once more. Once again she gave me "NO!" for an answer. So I used my magic to try to unlock the stupid door, though it didn't work and everything went on like, forever! I don't think she's gonna come out of her room until tommorow, so I gave up for now, since I couldn't get her out of there. So I went out of the Apples' residence and headed for Scootalo's.

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I got to Scootalo's home which was close to the Apple farm. It was a huge mansion since her parents were rich unicorns. I noticed a figure walking down the steps with a worried and panicked expression on her face. I sighed. It was Sweetiebelle, probably with no luck of persuading Scootalo. And I was right. Sweetiebelle had given me a full report on her try to get Scootalo to apologize to Applebloom and get rid of this nonsense. We decided to try again tomorrow. Sweetiebelle yawned and apparently fell asleep. I carried her over to Rarity's.

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"What a night!" I exclaimed suddenly which made my dogs get startled. "I'm sorry you two..." I coeed. "It's just that it was one heck of a night.". They snuggled up close to my face and started licking which made me laugh. I loved them very much, no doubt about it. You see back then, I had a puppy named Yuki, but he died when he was only 8 months old. I cried for weeks after I lost him. He was very dear to me. We spent almost everyday together. I couldn't believe it. He was gone. Died because of an illness called heart worm. So whenever I see my two dogs now, I want them to be safe and sound and healthy.

I wondered about Lightning knowing some things about me. Is it possible I've met him before he came to Ponyville in Highschool? I'm not sure. I yawned. It was late and I needed some rest. I turned the lights off and went t bed.

*************DREAM*********
"Hello...?" I shouted making an echo. "Is anypony there?". Slowly, two colts came into view, I couldn't see their faces though. One of them was a unicorn while the other was a pegasus. They wanted me to go with one of them. So I picked the unicorn which in turn changes to another dream, a dream I still remember. It was the masquerade ball again. Everything went the same way just like the first time but there was a slight difference.
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Comments

[Kirakina]

This is a review brought to you by: Author's helping Authors
Name of Story: Oh for loves sake
Grammar score: 6-7
Pros
seemed like a nice enough story the oc was cool and had some interesting powers.
i liked how you set up the triangle

Cons
it seems way to jumpy and jumbled... sorry but it was really hard to read and even though i had interest in it you didnt manage to keep my interest peeked...
Notes : i would like to help you rewrite this if possible and organize your thoughts i know how you wanted this to be but it was just too jumpy.
Please help me by reading my story: nah you read mine

[SpeederClaw]

Hiyaaa, SpeederClaw here from Authors Helping Authors. I've got a fresh review right here for ya!
-Oh! For Love's Sake!

Grammar Score: 6/10

Pros
-Love interests are intriguing/interesting
-Overall innocence/happy-go-lucky tone is fluent throughout the story
-Your OC seems very original with the triangle concept of love

Cons
-Grammarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
-Sometimes the story was hard to follow at times (sometimes due to grammar issues), but I still got it

Notes: So with grammar:
-Rainbowdash is supposed to be Rainbow Dash (two words)
-There are other spacing, period and spelling issues along with capitalization
-The writing in the journal might want to be italicized for effect

Those are just some errors that you might want to fix. Love Checker seems like a good OC and you have good use of suspense building up between Lightning and Swift. I liked the story despite the issues and you should continue.

I hope this review was helpful and would like you to check out my story, One Shot, One Chance, if you have the time. Keep writing

[Francium Actinium]

Author's helping Authors
Story Name: Oh, for love's sake
Grammar Score: 5

Pro's: You seem to have a clear view of what you are aiming for and trying to achieve
You have some interesting ideas blended in; Loves' talent and cutie-mark are well explained
Loves' innocence and inability to see who fancies her is well portrayed [Personal or 2nd hand experience perhaps]

Con's: Your sentences don't flow well due to the way you jump back and forth between points of interest.
You need to pick a format/pattern to layout the text in and stick to it as it keeps changing
Each time the speaker changes put the text on a new line. You will find that this will break up the large paragraphs quite neatly and allow for easier reading and editing.

Notes: Its good start. I can tell you know what you what to say and what feeling you are trying to create but it is being disturbed by the grammar and sentence structures. Some simple chances can make a big difference to the way the story reads so go and find some different sentence structure and put them to use! Keep it up!

[Bellum]

Hello! This review is brought you by Authors helping Authors.
Story: Oh! For Love's Sake!
Grammar score: 5
Pro: The OC's power and charterer is interesting
Love the happy tone of the story
Cons: Grammar
Due to the jumping from topic to topic it a little hard to read

Notes: Overall, I find this to be a cute story, but a little confusing to read. In some places the sentences are missing words or aren't a complete thought and the grammar in general could use work. If you could get someone to help you with grammar and keeping your thoughts organize it would improve the quality of the story greatly.
Hope you like the review and that it is helpful! Please help me by review my story A Choice.

[Love Checker]

for the members of Authors helping authors.
Thx for the tips. i am quite sorry, but i can't review and red your stories at the momment. i am busy with schoolwork. sorry for the inconvience.

For fans of Oh! For Love's sake
i cannot post some chapters for now. but i'll try to. so sorry for making u wait.

[Unknown Quillist]

I'm inspired to write a story like this, except for Hearts and Hooves Day. I loved it!

[Midnight Words]

Hello! This review is brought you by Authors helping Authors.
Story: Oh! For Love's Sake!
Grammar score: 5
Pro: Really original, love how you made the love triangle thing(Trust me I tried to do that, but I couldn't) It's short and sweet, a nice change from the action and adventure I usually read.
Cons: Grammar and the pacing, and format(Need a proofreader or editor?)
Notes: I love the story, very original. A bit jumpy here and there, but I can understand(Check out my first fic, I wasn't sure where I was going with that) You could try to do double spacing for paragraphs
Like this;
"Twilight?" I asked as I walked through the empty library. It was weird, so quiet...

"Huh? Midnight? Don't come down to the basement!" Twilight yelled from down below. I was curious but I decided to follow her what she said and waited for her on the first floor.

Time went one, I took a seat at the table. She's been there for an hour now. After a few more minutes she came out with a large birthday cake.

"Happy birthday, Midnight!" She said with a happy tone.

Or something like that

or you could try this guide
Ezn's Guide