• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 15th, 2013

SpeederClaw


T

What happens when you have a miserable life with no motivation? One might say you should give up, others believe that you will accomplish nothing no matter how hard you try. What if you were given a chance, a chance to make everything better. Would you waste the opportunity...or would you finally make your living hell a dream come true.

Blitz knows that feeling of worthlessness all too much. He decides to make a decision that changes his life forever. However, he won't be entering this new life alone. He'll make a couple friends along the way, helping or hindering him at times. But...are these ponies who they say they are?

Each one has a story of their own to tell, some more eluded than others. Can Blitz really trust their word, or are lies being made to hide dangerous secrets. Will kept secrets be holding true evil within them? Truth is, there is evil lurking around in Equestria. But, it comes in a form nopony would have expected.

Join Blitz and co as their stories unfold in the wonderful world of Equestria. It always starts so innocently...

Rated Teen due to some vulgar language and blood involved in certain scenes.

Chapters (42)
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Comments ( 123 )

It's fair. I'll give it my vote. But pleasae answer me this question. Why does everypony use the term fur? Ponies do not have fur, they have a coat. AKA, hair. Why does everypony say fur?

"I DON’T HAVE ANY CELESTIA DAMN MONEY!"

This line wins! :rainbowlaugh: Interesting story there.

360135 I"m not quite sure...but it was used to describe what he looked like rather than identify what his coat actually was.

Wow, this is very good! You deserve the track and favorite!

379801 Thank you so much ^^ I'm glad you enjoyed it :twilightsmile:

It's a fair read. I liked it,no grammer or spelling issues as far as i can tell,so it's got my like :twilightsmile:

This was awesome.

413673 ^_^ thanks, stay tuned for moar stuff :O

A nice read. Looking forward to see where you take this.

This story is very good. The plot is intriguing and the characters seem to be well rounded. I have a few honest complaints from writer to writer. There are a lot of confusing aspects in your story. What was that dream? What happened to the train? Who were those two ponies? Your word choice could be improved as well. You also seem to introduce too many problems and no resolutions. As a final side note, you really should describe your characters, or change the story image to be your OC. But I am only nitpicking, I am interested in where this story is going. I am tracking. :twilightsmile:

421962 Well as usual...the beginning has some confusing stuff happening and lots of problems that eventually (or maybe not :O!) get solved. A lot will be explained later though as the story progresses. Also, your right I could touch up on word choice a little bit. Thanks for the feedback :pinkiehappy:

Let's see where this goes...

Get the story moving! Let's move the plot along. other than the slow pace. This chapter was as good as your others.

Seeing new Fluttershy made me sad.:fluttercry: Although redemption will come later. Hehehe.

457499 We'll fix her don't worry ^_^

I like Clyde the Guard. This chapter really was an improvement in terms of pacing over your other chapters. I also think it was great how you brought in major characters. You have one problem, timing. You have Apple Bloom trying to sell apples (Season 1 episode 12) occurring at the same time as Fluttershy is becoming new Fluttershy (season 2 episode 19). I do not think that Applejack would allow Apple Bloom to sell apples again after she says this "Sorry little sis, but your apple-sellin' days are over".

463076 Hmm, interesting, maybe I can incorporate some sort of second chance...Applejack decides to let Apple Bloom have another go due to feeling pity for her/Apple Bloom begging so much/Apple Bloom needs something to do.

Lololol, maual labor time!

Also, EnzoxFluttershy?

Clyde is still best pony. :moustache:. Not really much for me to say. Good Job.

thanks for the message bro without it i would have never found i story that looks epic dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png

515605 posted you on my findings on the moon look on my page :moustache: here :moustache:

Hmmm. This is confusing.

Reread ALL the chapters!

628633 Sorry...I haven't posted in a while...so things would get confusing. I apologize...I didn't except Minecraft for the Xbox to be so addicting. It also didn't help that I got Pokemon: SoulSilver last week and that I've got like 200 projects and tests for the end of school. But, expect chapter 8 soonish (I hope o.o)

is wondering what happened about blitz, you seem to writing more about these two and less about blitz


Not a bad chapter overall. Good descriptions. Interesting little side story but you really need to get this plot moving. I have never seen a story that takes 8 chapters for the story to really get started. Even my history textbook went faster than your story (on second thought I take that back, nothing is slower than my history textbook). This story is about Blitz, right, than why don't you focus on him. This most recent chapter now makes the description of your story off of what it really is, which is now the tales of Blitz, Vice and Anozo. I would honestly prefer to hear about him rather than these two other characters.

Apologies for the rant but I had to get that out there.

Now a dance from our resident Hawkeye Pierce.

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1i0qen7Pl1r6cleeo2_400.gif

Also shipping detected.

strangecosmos.com/images/content/136407.jpg

629275 I appreciate the rant as it helps me figure out the pacing of the story. To be honest I am going to elaborate more on Vice and Enzo as this was my original plan: to branch off with other stories. Didn't really want to provide too much in the description (hence only Blitz was mentioned) because I felt it was kind of a spoiler. I do see your point that the story should revolve around Blitz...but I wanted to do this.

631890 Well I understand, but you might want to change the description.

632165 yeah that's probably what I was trying to get at...any suggestions?

Awesome chapter but... Wat?

806229
With da wings.
I was like dafuq?

806236 Oh, okay. That's supposed to be a wtf moment :P

Oh God cliffhanger...

A good chapter overall. I sort of lost where you were going in the battle scene. Now the cannon is broken, but hey that's what fiction is all about.

One error I noticed and that is you used "timed" as opposed to "time"

So Trixie is up to her typical fannon shenanigans I see :trixieshiftright:

Trixie images.sodahead.com/profiles/0/0/3/0/1/9/9/4/3/dafuq-snape-funny-70829337388.jpeg .

Other than that nice chapter. Good pacing and use of suspense for Enzo.

1002145>>1001471 Trixie's got some nasty plot (no you pervs) ready to be hatched :trollestia:

Realized that there are no good "Oooooooo" faces... But I have to say that Clyde is one of my favorite OC's in any fic. And I had totally forgotten that Blitz was a unicorn. :derpytongue2: Keep up the good work. :pinkiehappy:

Just adding a first bit of critique: the intro could do with some fine tuning imo. Nothing wrong with it: Manehatten is like NY only ponies. I just think the phrasing could do with some refining. eg. "The smoke from Manehatten seemed to be stinging the beautiful air." just feels a bit of an awkward personification.

Even changing it to an active rather than passive tense helps: "The manehatten smoke stung the beautiful air" maybe? or perhaps extend the sting metaphor: "The manehatten smoke stung the ordinarily beautiful Equestrian sky, making the bright eye of the sun appear to fill with red tears through the clouds"

Not perfect, I admit, I'm just jamming here and I've yet to read the rest but, sometimes, a nice tight opening will be the making or breaking of whether a reader continues.

1062390 Hey, thanks for the critique! I'll make sure to look at the intro soon enough. (I'll be honest though, I extremely dislike the prologue. Probably the hardest part I've had to write out of the whole fanfic so far...)

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