Hostile Takeover

by Ivory Crash

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria...

The sun was setting over Equestria as Celestia walked out onto her personal balcony, a smile showing on her face as the golden glow of her horn at work faded away. As the heavenly body fully lowered, the moon crept up in its place, marking the time when all good little fillys should be sleeping. She couldn't take her eyes off of it.

The night may not seem like an important time to most, but to Celestia, every sunset reminded her of one of the few joys she had in her life; Her sister was home again, no longer in the vengeful grasp of the Nightmare. To have her only sister back in her life made the Princess happy beyond measure. She had spent too many nights staring at the moon, shedding tears as the memories she kept of Luna before her banishment played within her mind.

"Sister?" The voice was instantly recognizable to the eldest princess. Her gaze peeled away from the moon to the tower opposite her own. On it's balcony, identical to the one Celestia was on, stood Luna, her horn wrapped in a pale blue aura as she moved the moon into it's proper place. "You should rest, dear sister. As always, I shall guard the night." The night princess let her wings unfurl and, with a large flap, took to the sky. She flew in the direction of the observation tower; her usual spot.

"Be well Luna." Celestia reentered her room, pausing in the doorway as her eyes wandered to the large bed in the middle of the floor. Extra large plush pillows covered the rather large mattress from the middle to it's headboard. The rest was covered in a blanket matching her own royal mane. "I really should go to sleep..." The smile still shone bright on her face as she focused her attention on the opposite wall. There stood a large dresser with many drawers.

"But first..." She trotted over at a semi-brisk pace and let out a faint giggle as she used her magic to remove the top drawer. Looking inside the drawer, her smile was quickly replaced with a more puzzled look.

Still utilizing her horn, she lifted a small note from the otherwise empty drawer. She read aloud "Dear Sister, I've hidden it somewhere else in your room. If you want it that bad, you'll have to find it. But you really should get to sleep... Choices, choices. Love, Luna" Silently scanning the note once more, her eyebrows knit together as the meaning of the words set in. The paper crumpled into a ball and flew into the nearby fireplace. Celestia watched it burn as her eyes squinted and a sly grin formed on her lips. "Challenge accepted, o' mischievous sister of mine."

Her eyes closed as a golden translucent bubble formed from the tip of her horn, which was glowing the same color, expanding and flowing over everything in the room. After a few moments of silent concentration, her eyes opened once more and the bubble popped, leaving small sparkles of magical residue in the air, sparkling and sputtering bright golden flashs until they too vanished into thin air. "Oh, you are clever dear Luna. You've placed an anti-detection spell on it. Very well then. We do this the hard way."

The whole room came to life as the Princess began levitating everything within it. Every drawer removed themselves from their proper place and formed a line in front of Celestia for inspection. When none of them revealed her prize, they were whisked back to their resting place as every piece of furniture was then spun in every direction possible, revealing previously covered spots on the floor and parts of the furniture that would normally never be seen. Once more, the thing she sought eluded her.

Returning everything to where it once rested, Celestia began reaching into the depths of her mind, pondering any and all possible locations of the... her mind wandered to that night, all those years ago. Well before the banishment of Nightmare Moon. The night she met him.

----------

"Does thou have anything to say for thine-self?!" Celestia and Luna stood on their thrones in the audience chamber. Luna spoke with a force so powerful, it shook the entire room. It was ear shatteringly loud, even by the standards of the royal canterlot voice.The look on her face could only be described as the perfect blend between extreme disappointment and homicidal rage. At the foot for the stairs leading up to the alicorn sisters was a tall figure, dressed in a fancy white suit. He was surrounded by royal guards, all with spears held at his head.

Celestia raised her hoof in front of her sister's face, drawing her attention away from the captive. "There is no need for the voice here, sister. There are only the guards, him..." Her eyes glanced down the the person in question. He was forced down on his knees with his arms tied behind his back. His face was unseen as he held his head facing the marble floor. "... and us." She lowered her hoof and returned her gaze to the well dressed thing, whatever he was. "Though the question still merits an answer. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

The captive slowly began to raise his head, his torso straightening up to reveal the bright red tie wrapped around his neck. As his face came into view, the princesses locked eyes with him. Or they would have, except he had no eyes. He didn't have any discernible facial features at all. His whole head was white and void of anything that could be described as belonging to a face. Awkward silence passed for a few seconds. And then he spoke...

"I don't suppose a heartfelt apology would do?"

----------

"Luna certainly was angry... I suppose I was too, though I did my best not to show it. Oh Luna..." Celestia's face had softened as she recalled the eventful night. "Luna..." Her eyes grew stern once again, her eyebrows returning to a state of deep thought. "Luna?" She turned back to the fireplace. The flame it held danced in the night, licking the air as it flickered forward and back to the sound of crackling wood. A small layer of ash rested underneath the fire; the only remains of the note Celestia had fed it minutes ago. The note written by... "Luna!"

Her horn was quickly engulfed in golden light as the ash from the fireplace flew from the ground. The cloud of ash began to reform and take the shape of the note. As the note fully re-materialized, Celestia read it gain. "Dear Sister, I've hidden it somewhere else in your room. If you want it that bad, you'll have to find it. But you really should get to sleep... " The note, which had just been brought back from the dead, was flung into the fire where it shriveled and broke down into ash once more.

Celestia was now facing her luxurious bed, eyeing it, wondering why she did not bother to search it along with the rest of the room. Walking up to the bed, she used her horn to nudge all the pillows off the bed. As the last pillow fell, she grabbed the bottom of the blanket with her mouth and yanked it, sending it flying into the air before crumpling down on the floor. Resting where the covers had once been sat a thin red box shaped like a heart. On it's lid was a matching picture of her own cutie mark. "Finally..."

She daintily walked around the bed, her eyes not leaving the heart shaped box. Slowly climbing onto her bed, she laid down next to the box and licked her lips. Her horn glowed golden as the lid began to lift, itself covered in the same glow. However, before it was completely removed, the glow stopped and Celestia quickly looked around the room. There was nopony in sight, but the sound of crickets could be heard outside on the balcony and hoofsteps where echoing in the hall beyond her bedroom's main door.

"There will be no distractions." Her horn glowed and another golden bubble formed at the tip. It expanded to encompass everything in the room, filling every nook and cranny, covering every wall and window in it's translucent glow. As it came to a rest, all noise seemed to stop. The crickets were silent and the hoofsteps could no longer be heard outside the room. All the world had been silenced, at least for those inside that room.

"Now, where were we?" She returned her attention the the box. "Ah, yes..." Lifting the lid with her magic once more, it removed itself completely. A faint mist formed around the edges as a cool breeze wafted up to her face. Her eyes shut and she smelled the chilled air deeply, releasing the lungful through her mouth. Leaning her head towards the now open box, she opened her eyes and stared at it's contents as they shined in all their glory.

Cakes. Mountains of them. Stretched as far as the eye could see. Cakes of all kinds. Simple cakes and fancy cakes. Big cakes and small cakes. Frosted, un-frosted, formed, layered, powdered, sprinkled... Cakes! But not just cakes. Cupcakes, strudels, fritters, muffins, donuts. Every form of baked goods ever conceived, all contained within this small box. This strange and wonderful box which was bigger on the inside.

A slice of chocolate cake floated out of the box and hung in front of Celestia's face, held in place by the powers of her horn. Her lips parted and inched slowly towards the delicacy. Just as she was about to take the first bite, it flew forward, colliding with her nose and putting her on her back. Hovering inches away from her face still, she looked up at the attacking dessert, her eyes filled with fear. The expression only stayed like that for a few seconds. Her eyes quickly took a confident pose as she opened her mouth to speak.

"So Princess Celestia. At last, I have you in my clutches. To have my way with you. The way I want to." Her voice had taken a deeper, masculine tone. The cake was bobbing in time with her words.

"No. No, please, leave me alone!" The look of fear returned to her face just as her voice also resumed it's normal pattern.

"No. You are mine" said the cake. It bopped her on the nose once more in emphasis.

Her right hoof then shot up to the same height as the cake. "Not so fast, Chocolate!" Celestia replaced her voice with a nasally version.

"Righty!" gasped the cake as it turned to face it's rival.

"Yes, it's me. I'm here to save my girlfriend." said Righty. The hoof faced Celestia. "Hi, Honey."

"Now you are going to die!" Chocolate flung himself at Righty, knocking him to the bed. As he hit the feather-soft surface, he gasped in agony and drew his last breath.

Just then, Celestia's left hoof raised to the same height Righty had been at. "Hey, what did you do to my friend?" a raspy sounding Lefty cried.

Chocolate turned to face this new intruder. "The same thing I'm going to do to you, big boy!" He attacked Lefty as well, sending him to the same fate as his fallen friend. Turning towards Celestia once more, Chocolate took aim at her crown. "And you too!" He threw himself at the royal adornment, sending it flying across the room before returning to taunt his captured prize. "Now, Princess Celestia, at last we are alone."

Princess Celestia turned her face away from her assailant, her eyes clenched shut in fear. "No, no! I hate you. I hate you. I hate you, leave me alone! And yet..." She reopened her eyes and stared at Chocolate. "I find you strangely attractive."

"Of course you do." said Chocolate, gliding closer to his confused prey. "Equestrian princesses are often attracted to sugar and flour, and I have both, and you know it!"

"Oh, leave me alone!" she cried.

"No! Eat me!" Chocolate flew straight into Celestia's mouth, forcing her to chew or be suffocated by the intruder.

"No!" She chewed vigorously as the spongy villain was being devoured, his delicious mass garbling her words into incoherent grunts. "No no. Yes! No! No yes no ye- ah ah ahhh ahhh. Ohhhhh...." In one giant gulp, the dastardly cake was swallowed. Licking her lips, her tongue snagged a surviving gob of chocolate frosting and pulled the find back into it's lair. "Mmmmmm... your frosting is sooo thick...."

The large double-door of her room burst open, breaking the silencing bubble. Scrambling hoofsteps could be heard outside as multiple guards were running down the hallway. "Princess Celestia!" The guard that had broken the door open stood in it's empty frame.

Celestia's eyes went wide. Quick as lighting, the lid for the box slammed shut. The blanket, which had been thrown to the floor so carelessly, was hastily pulled over it, hiding the box from the guards view. She turned away from the now open door, keeping her back to the guard standing in her room. "What?" she screamed at the poor fellow.

Flinching at the outburst, he took a few steps back and bowed his head. "There's been a situation. You're needed in the audience chamber."

She turned her head to face the cowering guard. "Knock on my door! Knock next time!"

"I did, ma'am. Many times." he peeked one eye up at the princess. "You didn't respond, so I broke the door down."

Thinking back to the silencing aura she cast, Princess Celestia began blushing. Oops. "Did you see anything?" she asked, turning her face away and raising a hoof to cover the growing redness of her cheeks.

"No, ma'am." he replied. "I didn't see you eating from your cake box again."

"Good. You are dismissed." The guard pony quickly retreated from the Princess's room, bolting down the hallway to catch up with the other guards.

Groaning loudly, Celestia levitated her dessert-filled prize back to the dresser drawer where it belonged. Then, after locating her crown and placing it atop her head, she trotted out of her chambers, grabbing the now broken door in her magical grasp. She raised the door to it's former position and turned down the hallway the guard had ran, openly grumbling at her misfortune.

"Somepony had better be invading my kingdom..."

Comments

[Prosopeio]

... Space Balls references... oh lord... My sides hurt.

And now we know which hoof Celestia uses to... relieve... herself.

Brilliant story, following you to see what other amusing tales you come up with.

[DerpyJr]

I laughed so hard at this I cried a bit

fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/277/6/6/derpy_approved_by_ambris-d4bv8qn.png

[Blue Streak]

twilight.ponychan.net/chan/pic/src/132979191794.gif

"No, ma'am." he replied. "I didn't see you eating from your cake box again."

Just laughing my ass off at 11:30pm at Celestia's voice acting

[hamcon]

Funny, and and the humor of the last seen was hilarious. 4 moustaches out of 5.

[Ew No Hooves]

Anyone else thought the cake was a...erm...toy?
Molestia sure does enjoy her cake. I sniggered out loud, nice work!

[Smurf]

Space Balls referance

[Heath of Tragedy]

I don't know about Space balls but the title reminds me of the Hostile Takeover tour of StrangeMusicInc.

[Jar of Dirt]

[Beyond the Horizon]

-Blinks-

Wait. . . was that who I think it was?!

[Ivory Crash]

1802951>>1802955>>1802957>>1802986>>1803281>>1803737>>1803807>>1803966

Glad you all enjoyed it! Tell your friends!

1804426 You tell me...

[kyle131996]

Dat Space Balls reference

[Ivory Crash]

1804801 Classic comedy at it's finest

[kyle131996]

1804805 Best quote in the whole move "How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway?" Entire Bridge Crew "Yo!"

[Beyond the Horizon]

1804805

I'm just surprised no one got the Monty Python reference.

[Ivory Crash]

1804835
i27.photobucket.com/albums/c151/AdrianaTheApe/Spaceballs-assholes.gif

[Beyond the Horizon]

-Facedesk-

Can't believe I didn't catch the Doctor Who reference!

[Ivory Crash]

1807667

Kings to me, then?

[Beyond the Horizon]

1807772

Kings indeed. Now we're even

[JackTheEpic]

I am intersted please proceed

1804865
What is that gif from?

[Ivory Crash]

1811821

It's from the movie "Spaceballs"

Here's the whole clip.

[JackTheEpic]

1811849
Now i feel the need to watch the entire movie

[Disponu]

1:I thought it was a dildo

2:Space balls reference

3:was that slender man you were referring to?

[Ivory Crash]

1828407

Something similar. Go ready my other story-in-progress "Equa Non Grata" and you will see the tie-in

[fluttershyfan3030]

That was a great opener i know you've read this line over and over again: I loved that Spaceballs reference. What other Mel Brooks references you going to use, here's hoping for a Robin Hood Men in Tights reference or another Spaceballs one, like Master Yogurt's "merchandising" bit or "i hate when my Shwartz gets tied up". I hope this story isn't dead