Ok well this is a fic "Clearshot01" and I are working on. This is gonna be something I do in my down time so if you excpect updates alot....don't. There will be rarely updates for this fic. Now we have been working on this for maby a few months but never got the chance to upload it onto this site. Go check out "Clearshot01" for his fics and one that we are both working on. There might be some parts that seemed rushed in this fic so please bear with me there. It's a HumanxRedheart fic.
This fic is about a normal young marine medic who was on leave when a group of kids came and raided his hotel room. He stood no chance as he was beaten to an inch of his life. Only when a spell sent him to equestria where one mare managed to help save his life. Later on he starts to realize he's growing fond of her but doesn't know if she feels the same. This story is full of drama and obsticles that the pair will face. Not only will his strength be tested but as will his will to live. Join Jerry as he goes through what most would think impposible.
How about you use the description part of your fic to actually tell us what it's about, rather than give it a single sentence?
Just pointed out some obvious flaws in the description. Also, the description is supposed to tell us about the story more than your update schedule; you might want to confine that to an author note or something.
Not even going to bother reading until I got a description to hook me in. Or not hook me in, like it is doing now.
Jerry: He wasn't afraid. He was a fully trained combat medic with several years of martial arts training and one tour of duty under his belt. If anything, the locals should be afraid of him.
I smell Jerry Stu.
ClearShot01? That guy who is following over 800 ppl and who I had a plesant conversation with a couple of days ago??
1564246yeah i guess he's the one.
1564283 very well then.
Geez, use the description to actually describe your fic, not tell us your whole life story.
1564037 Well Jerry Stu started his story getting a baseball bat to the face.
Now a REAL Stu would have ducked. ... But still, too early to tell for sure.
So far, the story itself is fine. The two major things that I think you could improve are grammar, and pacing. You could get someone to edit your chapters before you publish, or what I usually do is proof read my own work until I'm satisfied with it.
All else aside, it's an alright fic.
anyone else come here thinking that it was the TF2 Medic?
or was it just me... ya it was probably just me.
1570817 I was hoping for TF2 medic as well
BTW it still reeks of Jerry Stu, or the story's too fast... Or both... It's hard to discern
Quick nitpick: The US Marines don't have their own medics, they use Hospital Corpsman from the Navy.
Also, do some research on EVRYTHING MILITARY you have woeful understanding of how any of It works.
first of all m8 the last thing anyone wants to do is raid a marines house thats just begging for getting your ass kicked.