• Published 22nd Oct 2012
  • 17,135 Views, 714 Comments

The Nightmare Before Nightmare Night - Silent Bob

A slight parody of a Nightmare Before Christmas

  • ...

Danse Macabre

And so my student reached the other side,
The walls of the cosmos she had defied.
And now the town of Ponyville was in her eye,
Where only reality was meant to reside.

"Ponyville?" Spike said, his voice ringing out from underneath the Lich Queen's cloak. "Isn't that the town you're in charge of Nightmare Nighting every cycle?"

"Uh huh!" Twilight said, still glancing about at everything around in wonderment. "It's also home to my counterpart and her friends, the Elements of Harmony."

"The wah?" Spike blinked.

"You know, the Elements! They're experts on all things friendship!" Twilight beamed.

"Ugh..." Spike groaned. "So what, are you going to try to meet up with them or something?"

The Lich Queen gave a slight laugh. "Of course not! If they saw a corpse-like version of their own Twilight walking around they'd probably freak out and summon a guard or something. I really don't feel like being lynched, or stoned, or being stoned then lynched, or maybe lynched then-"

"Twilight!" Spike gasped in annoyance. "The Equestrians don't lynch ponies, nor do they stone them. That isn't their way." He gave a pause. "They actually just shoot them."

"Spike!" Twilight cried.

"Sorry, sorry," he chuckled, his voice indicating anything but that. "Seriously though, keep your hood up..."

The Lich Queen gave a sigh."Yeah, I will…”

She then began to make her way through town,, and it was an interesting sight to say the least. The ponies there were just... ponies. They weren't zombies, or vampires, or anything out of the ordinary; just ponies, meant for living and not scaring.

She grinned widely at that thought. If anypony could show her the path she wanted to trot upon, it was them. However, after a while it didn't seem they were too keen on her presence...

"Ewww... what's that smell?" a peach pony with candy for a cutie-mark said, wincing in disgust.

"Yeah! What died around here?" another pony called.

"I think it's coming from that pony in the cloak..." another said, her voice a whisper but just loud enough for Twilight to hear.

"Twilight, no offense, but I think they're saying you smell like a corpse," Spike whispered.

"You think?" the Lich Queen snapped. "Ugh! Now I'm going to need to find some way to mask my scent..."

To further her troubles, out of nowhere then came a pink bouncing pony that appeared to be the non-burnt version of her Pinkie Slice.

"Hi there!" she beamed, grinning widely at her. "I've never seen you around before! Are you new to town?!"

"Um..." Twilight said, her words sounding like the vocal equivalent of sand paper thanks to her decaying vocal chords. "Yes, uh… very new."

"Ooo! Ooo! Well, I'm Pinkie Pie! I totally love meeting new ponies and you're the newest pony I've seen lately so would it be cool if I show you around town or something?!"

"Ummm..." Twilight said, sweat-dropping as she backed away from the pink pony.

"Heh. She's scarier than our Pinkie," Spike whispered.

"Say, why’s your hood is up!? No need to be shy!" the Pink pony beamed, bouncing in front of her.

"Oh uhhh... I prefer it like that... I have a skin condition," the Lich Queen simpered.

"Awww come on! You should get a little sun!"

The pink mare then drew closer, looking into her cloak's hood before letting out a screech and galloping away. “EEEEEP! EVIL DEMON PONY! EVIL DEMON PONY!”

"W-Wah?" Twilight said, her eyes widening with confusion as she sauntered away from the increased attention she was getting. "What did I do?"

"It's your freaky glowing lich eyes," Spike grunted. "You need to grab a pair of shades or something."

"S-Shades?" Twilight asked, cocking a curious eyebrow.

"You know! Sunglasses!" Spike said. "I've seen some of the vampires wear them before passing through the gates."

"Ooooh!" the Lich Queen said. "Right, shades... um..." She then quickly glanced about, eventually spotting a general store nearby. "Ah, there we go. I hope they'll take Edeathstrian bits..."


A moment later, she made her way out of its front doors, a disgruntled look on her face… as well as a pair of sunglasses.

"Sure was nice of the clerk to throw in a bar of deodorant and a can of the spray-on stuff for free!" Spike chuckled.

"Hey, if you were made of rotting flesh and not just a skeleton you'd smell just as bad as me," Twilight grunted as she began to spray herself down in the cover of an alleyway.

"Eh, you'll get there someday," Spike mused. "And hey, you smell more fragrant already! Less like a corpse and more like a... sweaty armpit covered in TAG."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Gee, thanks Spike... you really know how to up a ghoul's self-esteem."

The dragon gave a cheeky smirk. "That's what I'm here for!"

At that, she put back on her cloak, making sure to spray it down as well before making her way out into the town once again.

"That's her!" a certain pink pony cried, who now stood next to a white pony resembling the ghostly Scarity. Upon that, the former began to trot back uneasily.

"Pinkie, dear," the mortal Scarity said. "I thought we learned from Zecora that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover."

Pinkie shook her head. "Yeah, but-"

"I must give my apologies," the white pony said, walking towards the lich and smiling upon her. She then gave a slight chuckle. “She seems to think you're not what you seem, though what she says is just silly. I'm sure she's just been getting into Nightmare Night too much lately. I mean an undead demon here in Ponyville? What nonsense!”

"Heh, yeah..." Twilight said, chuckling nervously. "How crazy would that be?"

"Well, technically you're a lich, not a demon," Spike pointed out.

"I must say, though," the mortal Scarity exclaimed, sniffing at the air and wincing. "I wouldn't mind... sharing my spa treatment this afternoon with you, if that's alright."

Twilight's eyes widened under her shades, cursing the TAG body spray she had put on for failing her.

"You shouldn't do it," Spike whispered. "You can't go taking off your cloak..."

"Yeah… you’re right,” Twilight whispered back, earning a curious eyebrow from the mortal pony. She then grinned slightly before saying, "um... thank you for the offer, but I think I'll just go home and take a blood bath." She winced. "I mean, uh.... a bath! Yes... with water... and..."

"Soap..." Spike whispered.

"And soap! Lots of soap!"

"Rarity..." she heard Pinkie whisper. "She's not a normal pony! I'm telling you she had glowing eyes!"

"I'm sure they just caught the sun in a strange way," Rarity said rationally, before turning back towards the undead pony with an apologetic smile. "My dear, I shall not take no for an answer! You simply must try the miracle baths! They're to die for..."

"Oh no!" Twilight whispered towards Spike, her eyes widening. "They have necrotic baths here, too?! I thought this place was different..."

"It's just an expression," Spike groaned in annoyance. "Trust me, the only thing horrible about this place is that stupid sun they like to keep up for like fourteen hours a day... and I don't mean horrible in a good way."

At that, Twilight sighed in relief before simpering towards Rarity. "Um... I guess I could... try it out?"

It was times like this she wished she had a little voice in her head to tell her when she was doing something wrong, and while she didn't have that, she did have one on her shoulder.


"Marvelous! Simply marvelous!" Rarity beamed before leading the walking corpse towards Ponyville's spa. "Come, dear! One hour of spa treatment and you'll be feeling... and smelling..." she said under her breath. "Like a rose!"

"Who the heck wants to smell like a rose?!" Spike whispered. "Ugh, these other worlders are just... bizarre."

"Aren't they intriguing, though?" Twilight said, smiling widely.

"That's one word for it," Spike groaned. "Listen, though. You need to book it or she's going to see that you're not a normal pony.”

"B-But she's being so nice to me..." Twilight whispered. "I can't just-"

"Do it!" Spike growled, peaking out of her hood. "Look, there's their version of your crazy tree house. Go hide behind it or something!"

At that, Twilight took a deep breath for quickly galloping over to the rear of the massive structure as Rarity prattled on and on about otherwordly girl stuff...

"First, we'll start with a manicure! You won't believe what the spa ponies can do to your hooves! Then, we'll go for the miracle bath and..." She then blinked, noticing Twilight was no longer at her side. "Why, how rude! Where did she go?!" She then gave an indignant huff. “Dearest? Where are you?"

Twilight merely gulped, remaining silent.

Rarity took a deep breath in disappointment. “Well, I suppose I'll just have to spend my time there alone then..."

The Lich Queen gave a sigh of relief at that before glancing at the massive tree house before her. It was simply brimming with life, birds singing in its branches with so many leaves growing upon them it was as if it was being fed by nothing but growth formula.

"Oh my..." Twilight whispered in delight. "It's so beautiful! I wish I could get mine to grow like that..." she sighed.

"Ugh!" Spike groaned. "What's with you!? You're a lich for crying out loud. You make things live in death, not live in… life. It isn't in your nature to be fascinated by this kind of thing! It's weirding me out!"

"Shut up!" Twilight growled. "I don't need you or anyghoul else telling me what I'm supposed to like and not like! I'm not a freak!” She then squinted in thought for a second. “Well, I am… but not the bad kind!"

"I'm sorry..." Spike whispered. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just... I think you're letting this world get to your head."

"Good! Let it get to my head!" Twilight argued. "In fact, I want to see a little more of it, including how my counterparts live!"

At that, the Lich Queen gave a huff before knocking on the back door to the real Twilight’s treehouse.

"What are you doing?" Spike asked.

"Seeing if anypony's home," she grinned.

"Oh no... nonono! You don't need any more attention drawn to yourself!" Spike cried.

"That's not what I'm knocking for," Twilight said, her eyes twinkling.

"Then what?"

The Lich Queen then knocked again, ignoring the bone dragon. At that, she waited another thirty seconds or so before creaking the door open and stepping inside, confident nopony was home.

"Breaking and entering is a crime here you know," Spike pointed out.

"I'm just going to have a brief look around and then leave," Twilight hissed. "I need to see it..."

With wonder, she glanced about the interior of the treehouse, her being inside a kitchen of some sort. However, instead of the shelves being lined with bottles of spiders, 'red weed', 'eye of goblin' and other delicious cooking ingredients, they instead seemed to be stocked with strange canisters filled with stuff such as 'garlic salt', 'pepper', and other weird spices.

"Garlic, huh?" Spike said, peering at the shaker of the stuff curiously. "Hope Flutterfright doesn't decide to feed here..."

Twilight trotted over towards it. “I wonder…” Curiously, she then picked up the small canister of the stuff, opened her mouth and dripped a little on her tongue.


Her gag reflex quickly kicked in before she spit it out into a nearby kitchen sink.

"Hah! See! This world is not for ghouls," Spike said. "Your mind says one thing, but your body another."

"Quiet, Spike! I’m not giving up yet!” Twilight growled, rinsing her mouth out with water... and gagging again. "ACK! This water is so... pure! No muck or anything in it!"

Spike then gave a sigh. "Twilight... if you don't even like the food and water here, how are you going to like their idea of fun? Can we just go home? Rainbow Death only gets to see you once a year, you know, and so do I. Can't we spend it having fun the right way?"

"You speak as if there's an objective way of determining what fun is or not!" the Lich Queen growled. She then took a deep breath. "Please, Spike. Can't we just keep looking around a little bit more? I promise we'll hang out a little when we get back..."

"Fine... let's just make it quick," the dragon groaned.

With a smile, Twilight took a step into the commons of the library. The shelves, like in her own world, were stacked with book upon book, all organized neatly. It seemed that her and her counterpart may have had a lot in common. It made sense, after all, she was essentially her double, just... slightly different. For instance, on a small desk there was a book titled Slumber Parties for Newbs.

This was something that simply couldn't be found in Edeathstria. Most books there were about the dark arts or how to properly scare somepony or ghoul, not slumber parties. Next to the book, however, was something quite familiar to the Lich Queen, a scroll of some sorts.

In her dimension, she was responsible for reporting to her princess, Nightmare Moon, on what she was learning about fear in Terrorsville, though she doubted that this Twilight was doing the same.

"Huh..." Twilight said, glancing curiously upon the letter.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Tonight, I plan on learning a bit more about friendship by hosting my second slumber party! Hopefully, this one won't involve two of my best friends arguing with each other the whole night or a tree crashing through my bedroom window. I have a Nightmare Night theme in mind, and I plan on telling the best scary story I can think of: one about the mythical world of Edeathstria.

It's kind of funny, to be honest. Pinkie claims she saw an image this parallel world in Zecora's hut sort of like what the stories describe, though our zebra friend claims it was just an illusion created through potion making. I'm inclined to believe her. I mean, how ridiculous is that? How could there be another world dedicated to a holiday, with counterparts of us living there!?

Anyway, I hope things are going well in Canterlot…

The letter stopped at there, apparently incomplete.

"They knooooowwww," Spike whispered in a spooky tone. "Buahahaha. This Twilight is going to be in for a big surprise come Nightmare Night, isn't she?"

"Yeah..." the Lich Queen sighed, before peering upon a number of stacked boxes near the desk. "Huh, what's this? Battle Clouds, Ponopoly, Uno?"

"Games the other side plays, I think," Spike said, glancing at them curiously. "Must be for Twilight's slumber party or whatever she calls it."

At that, Twilight smirked slightly. "Hmmm.... I wonder if she'll mind if we... borrow these for a bit."

She then levitated the games as well as the desk’s book into a small sack she carried at her side.

"Hmm... I've gotta say I'm kind of curious to how these games work too," Spike said, scratching his head.

"Hah! Now who's getting into the other side?" Twilight grinned.

The dragon gave a grunt. "Yeah, whatever..."

Twilight opened her mouth to poke fun at Spike further, though before she could she was interrupted by a voice above... one sounding quite familiar.

"Twilight?" it called, letting out a yawn soon afterwards. "You home already?"

"Oh hellfire!" Twilight said in a hushed tone, scurrying towards the front door. "She has a roommate?!"

"I told you this was a bad idea!" her Spike hissed.

"Yo, Twilight! What's with the cloak?" the voice called again.

Halting in her steps, Twilight then turned about to face its origin, her eyes widening at the sight. At the top of the stairs leading to the loft came waddling down a small, purple dragon. This must have been their world's Spike.

"Uhhh..." Twilight said, trying her best to make her voice sound as normal and non-scratchy as possible. "Just a... new fashion statement I'm trying out."

The other world's Spike lifted a concerned eyebrow at that. "Are you alright? You sound like you're coming down with something."

"N-No" she simpered. "I think it might be a bout of Goblin's Throat..."

The 'real' Spike raised an eyebrow.

"Goblin's Throat?!" her Spike whispered. "You mean a cold... say a cold!"

"I mean uh- a cold! Yes, a cold!" she quickly corrected herself.

"Twilight..." Spike said suspiciously. "You're acting really weird. And what's with the sunglasses..." His eyes widened in horror. "You're not turning into a douche, are you?"

Lifting an eyebrow at the opportunity, Twilight quickly gave a smile. This was her chance! Playing along, she then gave a small, sorrowful sigh. "Yes... I'm afraid that's true Spike. I've embraced my inner douche."

The real Spike then took another step towards her."Heh, I’m just kidding with ya, Twi.” He then lifted an eyebrow. “B-But wait, what's that smell?" He then gripped his nose. "Sweet Celestia! You smell like you've taken a bath in TAG!” His eyes widened in realization. “Oh god, you really are turning! What’s gotten into you?!”

"He's on to you... you won’t be able to keep this up for long," her Spike whispered. "Quick, do something! Plan B!"

"Uhhh..." Twilight said, backing away from the dragon. "Screw it." At that, she flung off her cloak and sunglasses, revealing her pale, dead form and glowing white eyes. "SPIKE THE DRAGON! I AM A MONUMENT TO ALL YOUR SINS! RETRIBUTION IS AT HAND!” she roared in her demonic voice, quickly closing in on the dragon as she summoned a red mist that began twirling around her. "PREPARE TO GIVE YOUR SOUL TO ME! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Spike's eyes widened in horror, his mouth opening as if he were about to scream as his body convulsed into shivers. However, he never made a sound. As if petrified into a statue like form, his tiny body quickly collapsed onto the floor.

Twilight sweat-dropped at that, simpering. "Hmmm... too far?"

"Hahahaha! Na, that was golden! That never gets old!" her Spike cackled. "Oh, man! This Nightmare Night is going to be so horrible! I'm definitely coming with you to the other side!" With that, the tiny bone dragon scurried out of her hood and hovered before her. "Think of it! You could do your whole demonic thing, and then I'll come flying in and burn down some vacant house or something! It'll be so great!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow, glancing down at the fallen Spike. "Mmmm... maybe," she grunted. "I don't like that I've made him faint, though... maybe I should tone it down a bit."

"Mph, maybe," Spikie mused. "Think he's going to sound the alarm when he wakes up?"

"I don't think so," Twilight said as she put back on her cloak. "He'll probably just think it was all some horrible dream."

"Dawww... and there goes the magic,” Spike pouted. "Ah well. Anyway, you've got your board games and that book. Can we please head back now before we really do end up being found out?" He then gave a slight shiver. "I swear if they send this timezone's version of that stupid hero after me… do you know how long it takes for my bones to morph back together?”

"Alright, alright!" Twilight chuckled. "I guess it's time we get back... the others are probably worried about where we are."

"Yeah, and they need your leadership," Spike pointed out. "You said you were doing some sort of wicked Nightmare Night revamp this year, right? Well, you've got to keep the ball rolling."

"Yeah..." she said before glancing down at the real world's Spike one last time. "You know... he really is just a cute version of you."

Spike’s eyes then widened in horror as he made his way under the cloak. "Oh by the night... now you're saying the word 'cute' like it’s a good thing, too! Come on; let's get out of here before you're corrupted fully!"

“Yeah…” she sighed. “Let’s go home.”

With heavy hooves, the Lich Queen then discreetly made her way out of town and towards the woods where she had come from, taking one last, sorrowful glance back on Ponyville as she did so. While she could bring a few things back from it, she could never truly reside there if she ever grew completely bored of the Nightmare Realm...

"What's this... What's this...?

It seems some things I can’t defy…

What's this...?

I must heed to nature’s cry...

It seems... at this...

That dreams are meant to die...

I must... admit...

I can never live a lie..."

As she finished, a voice perked up from nearby, causing the Lich to raise an eyebrow."Twilight Soulshard, my friend from the other side, why do your eyes seem less than dry?"

"Z-Zecora?" Twilight gasped, glancing upon the zebra.

She smiled warmly at her in return, holding a small bottle of some sorts.

"By the night! I never thought I'd meet you in person..."

The zebra chuckled in amusement before giving a slight nod. "I must admit it is a treat, to meet somepony from across the street."

"What's with her and rhyming? She sounds like Nightmare Moon's memoirs..." Spike whispered from underneath her cloak.

"Hush Spike," she whispered back, before smiling back at the zebra. "Well, it's nice meeting you, Zecora, but I really do need to get back home."

The zebra nodded sympathetically. "I do understand if you do not wish to stay put, the ponies here may not be so taken by your looks."

"Yeah... I've learned that the hard way..." the Lich Queen sighed.

Zecora then lifted a hoof. "Before you go, however, I have a small gift," she said, holding out the small bottle filled with a bubbling red liquid before the Lich Queen. "Perhaps this will allow you a brief time of bliss."

Twilight quirked her head, gazing upon it in wonder. "What is it?"

"It is called the 'Essence of Life', and creating it was no small device," Zecora explained. "With it, you can grasp once again the mortal coil, until the clock strikes twelve at this Nightmare Night's turmoil."

"So... it will... give me life until the end of Nightmare Night?" Twilight puzzled. She then shook her head, glancing away from it. "I can't accept this... you would have had to given up a few days of your life in order to make it!"

Zecora merely smiled whimsically. "Life is but a small part of the path, one day I will walk another land's grass."

"Yeah..." Twilight sighed. "I wish I could say that makes two of us." She then squinted slightly. "You really want me to have this, though, don't you?"

"I must insist, my Lich Queen friend, enjoy yourself until the cycle's end."

At that, Twilight took a deep breath, glancing at the potion for a second or so. Could she really abandon her town and live life here for a brief time? See what the other side had in store for her? Perhaps... though she could at least hang onto it for now... it would be rude not to accept a gift.

"I'll uh... think about it," Twilight said, levitating it out of the zebra’s hooves, her eyes watering slightly as she glanced downwards. "Thank you, Zecora. This is probably the best gift anyone's ever given me."

She glanced back up towards the zebra, only to find she had vanished.

"W-Where..." she said, scratching her head. "Spike, did you see her leave?"

The dragon gave a grunt."I'm in your cloak... I can't see anything."

At that, she gave a long sigh. "Well, let's get going..."

Immediately, the dragon’s mood gave a one-eighty degree turn. "Now that sounds like a plan!"

The two then made their way through the woods once again."You know, I really hope the other Spike is alright. I still feel pretty bad..." Twilight said.

"Eh, I'm sure he'll be fine."


"Hey Spike!" the real Twilight called, walking into her treehouse and levitating a bag of groceries. "Are you still sleeping?” At that, she spotted him on the commons’ floor, her unable to hold back a warm smile “Awwww… he was so tired he couldn't make it up to his bed! I'll need to remember not to work him as hard..."

With that, she made her way over and prodded the dragon with her hoof.

"Wake up, Spike! I had the Cakes make your special cupcake!”

He didn't budge.

"Spike?" she said, cocking her head curiously before nudging him again.

This time, however, his eyes shot open. He quickly gasped for breath, hopping to his feet and glancing about the room in panic before he spotted Twilight. His eyes then widened in horror.

"GAH! Oh no! You’re not getting my soul, demon! I already promised it to Rarity for my stitching lessons!" he bellowed, backing up towards the wall.

"Spike!?" Twilight gasped. “What’s wrong?!”

He ignored the comment, scurrying into the kitchen before heading back with a cup of water muttering, “holy Celestia, please bless this water… for as I walk through I walk through the valley of evil, YOU WILL BE MY LIGHT!”

He then tossed the water onto Twilight, her eyes widening in utter bafflement.


A more blank look couldn’t come to Twilight’s face as water dripped off her mane.