• Published 22nd Oct 2012
  • 17,135 Views, 714 Comments

The Nightmare Before Nightmare Night - Silent Bob

A slight parody of a Nightmare Before Christmas

  • ...

Twilight's Lament

Oh how I've always loved my faithful student,
Brash when she needed to be but forever prudent.
With just a few words she had the entire town under her cause,
And noghoul, not even her closest 'friends' could give her room for pause.
How beautiful is the night when it can pull such strings?
Perhaps you don't believe me? Well, you should take a closer look, then.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWR!" Apple Doom, Rotten-Belle, and Scootaweb bellowed, actually managing to widen Twilight Soulshard's eyes.

She then gave a wide grin of approval. "Simply rotten, girls! You've improved since last year!"

"Yeeeees!" they beamed, Scootaweb continuing with, "out of ten, how did we do!?"

"Yeah! Tell us pweeeeze!" Apple Doom begged, her lycan fangs glistening.

"Mmmmm..." Twilight mused, placing a hoof on her chin. "I'd say eight out of ten, but keep practicing and you'll up it a number soon, I know it!"

"Sickening!" Rotten-Belle grinned. "We'll get our Putrid-Marks in screaming yet, girls!"

Scootaweb then smiled widely, her bug-like eyes filled with glee as she hopped merrily on her eight arachnid legs. "So, can we actually go to the other side this year, Twilight?"

"Mmmmm, I'm not sure about that..." Twilight said. "It's dangerous over there, you know, though I would like to finally see that for myself. I do hear the Equestrians have been stocking up on guns the last few years, however..."

"But we can't be killed by guns!" Scootaweb pouted. "Well, some of us can but not Rotten-Belle at least! She's already dead!"

"And I can only be killed by a silver bullet!" Apple Doom cried. "How am I any different from mah sister?"

Twilight gave a slight chuckle, turning towards Rotten-Belle first. "First of all, you still need to graduate from the Ghost Academy." She then turned towards Apple Doom. "And unlike your sister, I think the other side might think you're more cute than scary at the moment."

"CUTE?!" Apple Doom bellowed, before grunting and kicking at Town Square's hardened dirt. "That's not even funny to joke about, Twilight!"

"Sorry, sorry!" Twilight chuckled, rolling her eyes. "I just don't want you three to get hurt; your sisters would kill me. Bullets are still painful, you know."

The Putrid-Mark Crusaders gave three confident grins. "No pain! No game!"

The Lich Queen narrowed her eyes. "The answer is still 'no game.' I'm sorry, girls."

A more defeated look couldn't come upon three young ghoul's faces. "Dawwww," they groaned, sauntering down Main Street as Twilight gave a slight sigh.

However, her mood would not stay stale for long.

"Hey Twilight!" a country accented voice called from behind her.

She began to turn. "Oh hey, Applemoon, what- WOAH, BY THE NIGHT!"

Applemoon's normally slightly glowing yellow eyes were now burning as bright as two miniature stars.

"Check it out! I got Zehorra to mix up a special potion for me this year. How do you like them peepers?!"

"Horrible! Simply horrible!" Twilight grinned.

At that, Twilight felt another presence approaching her.

"Um, Twilight..." a small squeak came from her side, Flutterfright entering the scene. ”Would it be alright if I just... bit people on the other side... but not drink their blood?"

"Ughhh..." Twilight groaned. "Still going through that vegetarian stage of yours? Come on, Flutterfright! I know plasma packs don't make up for the real thing!"

"Yeah but..." she squeaked. "I think it's worth it... I just don't think any living thing deserves to be violated in that way..."

"Yur just feedin' like any other animal, sugar. N' it don't do them no harm," Applemoon stated.

Flutterfright gave a sigh. "Well... maybe a little nibble won't hurt," she said, smiling slightly. "It has been a long time..."

"That's the spirit!" Twilight grinned.

At that, sauntering by came the town's resident mad scientist, a mechanical claw like contraption on his grey back holding the frowning head of Derpy Stitched. The doctor seemed to be just as disgruntled.

"You know, I've always said you'd lose your head if it wasn't stitched onto your body, but you've actually gone and done the opposite!" he growled.

"Everything alright, Dr. Whoovenstein?" Twilight said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, yes," he groaned. "Derpy here just went and lost her body!"

The Derpy head gave a slight grunt. "I said I'm sorry, doctor! I tripped and the rest just fell off, and the next thing you know it's galloping away! I just don't know what went wrong... did I do something to offend it?"

At that, the evil doctor gave her a slight, apologetic smile. "No worries, my dear, it was my fault really, and no worries to you as well, Twilight Soulshard," he said, giving her a manic-laced grin. "I'll make sure Derpy here is all ready to go for Nightmare's Eve. It's only four days away, yes?"

"You got it!" Twilight said with a confident smile.

"Excellent, excellent!" the doctor said, his eyes twinkling with anticipation. "Now, if these damned drums will reside for a second perhaps I'll remember to double-stitch your head this time, Derpy!"

"That'd be nice..." she grunted.

The doctor then nodded towards Twilight and her friends. "Well, there's no time to waste then. To the TERRORDIS! HELLONZ-Y! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

With that, he began to gallop towards the cobweb encrusted, black, gothic box that was his home slash laboratory.

"Whelp, I better get going too," Applemoon said. "Gotta practice mah pounce a bit." Pausing before she left, however, she turned towards Twilight. "You know girl, no offense, but I wish we had gotten this announcement sooner that we were goin' all out. It'd give us more time to prepare."

"None taken, it's just that I had to clear it with Nightmare Moon and all first. You know how long the red tape can take to cut," Twilight said.

"Eh, it's alright," Applemoon smiled. "We'll have all next cycle to prepare, right?"

"Yeah..." Twilight said, a hint of a sigh in her voice as she sulked her head ever-so-slightly. "All of next cycle..."

The lycan Earth Pony gave a nod. "You got it! Catch ya later, Lich Queen," she grinned, apparently not catching on to Twilight's chagrin, before she let loose a howl and tore back towards her rotten apple farm on the other side of town.

Flutterfright, however, was a bit more perceptive.

"Twilight... is something wrong?"

The lavender, putrid, half-dead mare quickly snapped out of it, putting on a forced smile. "Oh... nothing, nothing at all... I'll see you later, Flutterfright."

She gave a curt nod before beginning to saunter down the road, people calling to her left and right.

"Hey Twilight! More blood on my mask?" Coledecay said, pointing to her already nearly completely soaked hockey-mask.

The Lich Queen gave a slight nod. "It's good, but it needs to be about twenty percent more bloody!"

"Twilight, dear, do you think I should go for more poltergeist tactics, or outright full-body apparitions?" Scarity asked.

The purple lich squinted in thought for a second. "Mmm... poltergeist tactics, I think. Your eye for detail should come in quite handy there! Keep your ectoplasm to yourself until the right time comes," she said, though with a slight hint of annoyance growing in her voice.

"Hey Twi! Mind if I switch it up and put on some Surfin' Bird instead of Dave Mathews Band?" Vinyl Screech called.

"Ugh uh... yeah, Surfin' Bird... and make sure to put it on a loop," she groaned.

"Oh, and Twilight, and since we're on the subject of music, can you tell me how this sounds?" the mummy that was Octcryptia called, quickly playing a grotesque version of Danse Macabre. A cobweb coated, blackened cello giving heed to a bloody saw she used as a bow.

"Um... beautifully sinister as always, Octcryptia," she sighed, making it quite apparent in her voice that she needed a moment of peace, though that never came...

"Hey Twilight!"

"Yo Twilight!

"Twilight Soulshard!"

With vein throbbing in her forehead, she had finally had enough.

"UGH! WILL EVERYGHOUL PLEASE STOP BOTHERING ME FOR A SECOND?! I'M TRYING TO THINK HERE!" she roared, her voice saturated with demonic distortion, silencing those nearby.

When she reached a quieter area of town, she then looked over her shoulder to make sure noghoul was near. At that, she sat down upon the cold, autumn ground, glancing sorrowfully upon her long-dead hooves. Most of the town would probably say that she were merely entering a period of contemplation to drum up new ideas for the holiday, or was worried about something relating to it, but that was far from the truth.

Such passion, such terror, such poise, and such grace,
Yet could it be that my student was only showing one face?
Unfortunately that was true, I cannot lie,
For my faithful student and me...
We did not always see so eye to eye.

"The more things change, the more they stay the same...." she said, her tone laced with sorrow.

The Lich Queen then took a deep, sober breath before her long dead vocal chords truly came to life, uttering forth a haunting melody:

"I sense there's something in the wind...

I feel there's nothing new for this road's bend...

And though I must always stand by them...

I'm not sure I can do this again..."

She paused, teleporting to the top of the town hall, glancing upon Terrorville and its busy residents. Each of them was doing their own thing to prepare for the coming holiday, yet at the same time... it was always the same...

Or was it?

For this year there was something oh-so-different in store, and at that thought, she gave a wicked grin.

"Now we'll truly show what we are,

A smorgasbord of the bizarre,

Through the fog they'll hear the cries,

And feel the weight of broken lies."

She tilted her head back and: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... haha... hmmmm..." she sighed, frowning slightly. "Yet, why do I still feel so empty? I thought finally announcing we were going to get rid of a corporate Nightmare Night would make me happy..." She squinted in thought for a second, tilting her head to one side. "Mmmm, maybe it's because I only have half a soul in me. That could be it..." She tilted it to the other side. "Or maybe it's something more... something I don't like admitting...

My whole life belongs to Nightmare's Eve...

Its twisted touch carved into my being...

And though I will always love the screams...

Sometimes I wish for a reprieve..."

She took another deep breath, though at that, her eyes narrowed in resolve.

"There must be more to life than scares!

Something to do besides prepare,

And though it may take a thousand years,

I will find how I can endear!"

She glanced towards the Everdead Forest, a black wood filled with trees born as corpses who could tell the tale of the world, if only they could speak.

"Across the void from Everdead...

Lies the world that keeps us fed...

I've heard the whispers of that land...

Upon their soil perhaps I'll stand..."

On the other side of the gates, Zecora gazed upon Twilight with a curious and perhaps... slightly sympathetic expression. Her eyes then narrowing in resolve, she quickly got to work at gathering various ingredients for a new potion she had in mind...

Back in Edeathstria, the Lich Queen smiled slightly before heading towards her dead tree house of a library home. There lie something she would need in order to pay the other side a little visit, she just hoped it wasn't misplaced...

Opening the door, she clapped her hooves, expecting the lanterns that lined its book-shelf surrounded circular commons to light themselves. Curiously, that didn't come, though something else certainly did...

"Twilight Soulshard..." a surreal, otherworldly, and deathly voice called. "Let me ask you a question. Do you fear Death?"

Twilight narrowed her eyes. "I am death."

A terrific cackle echoed about the commons. "HAHAHAHAHA! So you don't, huh? You shouldn't really follow that teenage trend, Twilight. It's what gets so many pegasi killed when they fly drunk or do other stupid things... Death is a smart thing to fear..."

The voice seemed to be dancing around her at that point.

"For Death is something that can get into your head, too," the voice teased. "Don't believe me? Why don't you take a look at the The Art of Soul Reaping."

With that, Twilight narrowed her eyes before walking over towards the bookshelf labeled 'A'. She scanned for the book, though after a second her eyes widened in horror. "I-It's not there!"

"Oh, isn't it?" the voice said with mock sympathy. "Perhaps it's somewhere else on that shelf... take a look."

Twilight squinted an eyebrow, beginning to scan the shelf... only to notice there were other books besides those marked 'A' on it.

"W-What is this?! Are all my books out of order!?" she gasped, literally shaking with fear and rage at this point. "RAINBOW!!!!!!!"

"BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Rainbow Death cackled, quickly clapping her hooves, turning on the room's lanterns and revealing herself. She then gave a wink. "Relax, I just mixed up one shelf. And they say Death doesn't scare anyghoul these days!"

"Ugh," Twilight sighed as she began to reorganize the library. "You just had to do it in that annoying way, didn't you?"

Deathie rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on Lich Queen," she groaned. "You've always loved a good scare, and I only have one week a year to practice!"

The Lich Queen gave her a slight smile. "Yeah, I guess I can't blame you..."

"Yeah! And I mean I only get to see you once a year too... well for any extended period of time, that is, and why would I spend it any other way than freaking out my best friend?"

"Heh... I suppose I should be grateful then..." Twilight sighed.

Death cocked her head. "Is... everything alright? I didn't really go that far, did I?"

"No," Twilight said, continuing with her task with the aid of levitation magic. "It's not that... it's just..." She gave another sigh. "It just seems like all anyghoul does when they're with each other is well... scare each other."

"But that's the most fun thing to do! What else is there?" Death chirped. "Seriously, I wait all year for Nightmare's Eve just so I can kick back and scare the living crap out of everyghoul!"

Twilight quirked an eyebrow as she began to walk up the stairs to her bedroom. "I thought you loved soul-reaping, though."

"Oh, I do! Really! The only way I'd give up this scythe is if it were yanked from me by her hooves," Deathie quickly said. "But do you have any idea how many ponies die on a daily basis? How many souls I have to escort to the gates? It'd drive anyghoul mad... and here I was crying about Celestia's healthcare reforms..."

The Lich Queen gave a slight chuckle. "You know, I've always wondered," she said curiously. "Do you just let the souls pile up the week you're on holiday?"

Dashie shook her head with a laugh. "Do you have any idea how much trouble I'd get in if I did that?! Na, I just get some other ghoul or pony to do it for me!"

Twilight cocked another eyebrow. "What Equestrian would actually like to become Death?"

"Ooooh... egomaniacs, the crazies, those kind of people, ya know?" Death explained.

Twilight put on a sheepish grin as she began rummaging around her room for something. "Errr, no offense Rainbow, but doesn't that seem like kind of a bad idea?"

"Naaaa..." she said. "What's the worst that could happen?"


A line of dead souls stood before a certain black cloaked light-blue unicorn, a massive pair of golden, heavenly gates behind her.

"Alright, all of you!" she said, her eyes twinkling with glee. "The Great and Powerful Reaper Trixie has reaped your souls more efficiently than even the real Death herself could! She now demands that you acknowledge her greatness one by one before she allows you to pass!"

A series of groans could be heard at that, the line avidly voicing their disapproval.

"Awww, are you serious?!"

"I just want to see my father..."

"Get out of the way!"

Trixie shook her head defiantly, before smirking. "Not until my wonderful hooves are thoroughly kissed! Now begin, if you please, or no paradise for you!"

"Ughh...." the first pony in line said, before reluctantly saying, "Great and Powerful Trixie, I don't think my soul could have been shed any faster, thank you for helping me pass...."

"Good," Trixie grinned wickedly. "Just a little more now..."

The line then gave another groan.


"Whatever," Twilight sighed. "Say, have you seen Frostmourne anywhere? I can't seem to find it..."

"Frostmourne?" Rainbow said, raising an eyebrow. "Isn't it a little early to be waking Spike up?"

Twilight gave a shrug. "He won't mind, I just want to talk to him is all... and I bet Frostmourne hungers at this point."

Rainbow squinted in thought for a second. "Hmmm... well did you check your closet?"

The Lich Queen nearly facehoofed herself at that, chuckling. "Oh, duh! How could I forget something like that?!"

She quickly paced over to and opened her closet door, it filled with spare cloaks, potion mixing ingredients such as 'eye of toad', 'fang of wolf', and 'nightbane seed', and other ghoulish objects. Disregarding them, she soon spotted what she was looking for in the back of it: a putrid green, massive, and jagged sword.

"Bingo!" she grinned, before turning towards Rainbow. "Mind if I borrow a few souls to power this baby up?"

Death gave a shrug. "Sure, why not?" She then pulled out a small locket of sorts, it shaped like a coiled serpent, as she smiled slightly. "It's always good to keep a few serial killers and rapists on hand, in case of emergency." Her smile morphed into a wicked grin before she licked her lips. "Plus... they're pretty tasty."

With that, she opened the locket, Twilight hovering Frostmourne in front of it. "Alright, eat up old friend!"

A few screaming souls soon sailed out of the locket in the form of red, ghastly trails. However, they didn't stay in the outside world for long, for as if they were metal drawn by a magnet, they were quickly sucked into the jagged sword. With her white eyes filled with glee, Twilight smiled wickedly as it began to glow a bright green. "Perfect."

There was then a slight silence as Twilight then made her way to the front door, only broken when she reached it by Deathie:

"Twilight..." she said, her soulless, black eyes again laced with concern. "Are you sure you're alright? You've been acting kind of funny..."

The Lich Queen gave another deep, remorseful sigh. "I'm sorry Rainbow, I just don't think it's anything you can help me with." She then gave a slight chuckle. "Heck, even I don't even know what it is I want, exactly." At that, she put on a determined smile. "But I think I know where I can find what I seek."

At that, Twilight opened the front door to her treehouse, making her way outside, Rainbow calling to her as she left. "T-Twilight! Wait! We can do other things besides scare each other all week!" she cried sorrowfully, before taking a deep breath. "I just wish I knew what..."