Prologue
Twilight Sparkle galloped through Canterlot Castle, ignoring the dead and injured, the destroyed rooms, the pools of dark magic- all the signs of a great and terrible battle, and burst into the throne room, halting at the sight within. There, bound to the floor by dark tendrils of black magic, within a pentagon made of her own blood, was her teacher and mentor. One of Celestia's wings hung limply, bent at a painful angle and blood dripped from a gash on her face. Stood over her, a dagger poised in the air, was the sorceress, the witch, who had so easily defeated the Princess of the sun with magics most foul, eyes glowing with the power of black magic.
“Rarity,” Twilight croaked out. “Why?”
“All my life, Twilight Sparkle,” the white unicorn said, shadows sticking to her body as if they were alive. “I have given and given, sacrificing so much, never expecting anything in return, not even a simple word of thanks. Do you remember when I cut of my tail for that sea serpent, or when I made not one, but two dresses for you to wear to the gala? But I have lost something I could never give away, never sacrifice, and now I am simply bringing her back. The universe owes me that much, at least.”
“Sweetie Belle is dead, Rarity!” Implored Twilight. “There is nothing you can do about it. She’s gone! There is no need for this!”
“Lies! I have learnt the darkest of magics, from the most foulest of beings. And I know, Twilight Sparkle, that not only can I bring her back, but that I will. Do not presume to stop me, for my power now exceeds your own.”
“Rarity, please stop this. Despite everything, you’re still my friend. I don’t want to have to fight you.”
“Then don’t fight me. Just watch, as I do the impossible and bring my sister back from the dead!” With a shake of her head, Rarity sent the knife plunging down towards Celestia’s body, only to be halted by a purple shield. “Humph, it appears you have chosen to fight me anyway. Well Twilight, you have made a foolish mistake, believing that you can stop me. Nothing, not even Death himself, shall keep me apart from my sister!”
Rarity lept over the still shielded body of Celestia, horn crackling with black magics. A tentacle of shadow leapt from behind a column and struck at Twilight, sending her flying across the room, impacting against a wall with a might crack. Twilight stumbled to her hooves, coughing up blood, fire in her eyes. Without a word Twilight cast a spell of her own, a bolt of purple force headed straight for Rarity, only to be knocked aside at the last minute by the shadowy tentacle.
“Is that the best you can do, Twilight? I thought you were supposed to be the Element of Magic? How does it feel, to know that you are no longer the most powerful being in the room, hum?” Twilight declined to respond, knowing full well that Rarity was trying to goad her into attacking. Instead, she circled around the witch, head low, eyes watching. “Cat got your tongue, darling?” Rarity said, before casting another spell. Twilight shook her head from side to side, trying to detect where the danger would come from next, when suddenly another tentacle detached itself of the ceiling and knocked her to the floor, pinning her down. Rarity walked over to the downed unicorn, shadows coiling around her body. “My, my, I wasn't expecting you to go down this easily.”
“You forget something,” Twilight chuckled. Rarity raised an eyebrow.
“And what, may I ask, have I forgotten, dear Twilight?”
“You're not my only friend.” Rarity’s face froze in shock, but before she could look up, a rainbow blur burst through one of the windows and smacked into her, sending the white unicorn flying across the room.
“Sorry we're late to the hoedown, sugarcube.” An accented voice spoke from the doorway. Looking up, Twilight saw her four friends- Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy standing there.
“Oh great, the cavalry has arrived,” Rarity said sarcastically, picking herself up of the floor. “No matter, not even the five of you can hope to stop me.”
“You want to bet on that?” Rainbow said, speeding across the room, only to be intercepted by a tentacle, smacking her across the room and into a column.
“Oh, but I do.” Rarity took up a stance and began channeling black magic into her horn. The temperature of the room dropped, as if a shadow had passed over it. A ball of black magic flew out of Rarity’s horn, before striking the floor. A moment later, the ground trembled and shook as dozens of skeletal bodies dug themselves out of the marble flooring.
“Impossible...” Whispered Twilight, still pinned to the floor.
“Do you see now, Twilight, just how far above you my power is? Sweetie Belle will be returned to me!”
“Pinkie, Fluttershy- help Twilight,” ordered Applejack, “Dash, with me. Lets show these skeletons a rodeo they will never forget.” The four ponies charged into ranks of the skeletons, Pinkie and Fluttershy tackling the tentacle which held Twilight down. Rainbow Dash flew into the skeletons, lashing out in a hurricane of blows, broken and shattered bones flying each way, whilst Applejack stood her ground, bucking any skeleton that tried to reach Twilight. Eventually, Twilight was able to worm her way free, at which point she joined the battle. But no matter how hard they fought, no matter how many bones they broke, how many skeletons they downed, the abominations just kept climbing back up and returning to the fray.
“This is hopeless!” Dash exclaimed. “There's just too many of them!”
“We can’t give up now, sugarcube!” Applejack bellowed, the distraction giving one of the skeletons an opportunity to down the farm pony.
“Applejack!” Cried Pinkie, wrestling with another skelton, her party canon abandoned to one side.
“Oh... oh my,” Fluttershy said as a pair of skeletons backed her into a corner, there lipless mouths chattering uncontrollably.
“No, we must prevail! We can’t let Rarity continue!” Twilight shouted above the chaotic melee. Suddenly, a purple flash and the sound of falling glass stilled the battlefield. Twilight looked on in horror as the shield over Celestia- her shield- shattered, exposing the Princess to Rarity.
“Its too late, Twilight! Nothing can stop me now! With this sacrifice, Sweetie Belle will return to me!” She cried, her dagger plunging towards Celestia's heart.
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Well, the devlopement of this story was weird. It started of inspired by this song: Baroque Nightmare, and was supposed to depict Rarity's fall and rise to become an evil queen of all Equestria, which I could then create a sequal about Twilights rebellion against the corupt Queen of Diamonds (Oh hey, I didn't even notice the similarity to Alice in Wonderland until now).
But, I found myself without an adequet excuse for Rarity's fall from grace- my best one was that she overheard some nobles talking rather rudely about her friends and her fashion, and then unspeakable dark forces started whispering in her ear, leading her to fight a war against celestia to overthow the diarchy and the rule of the nobles, but underwent a "She who fights monsters" and simply replaced Celestia and Luna as queen of Equestria.
The thing is, that was a realy weak excuse coupled with "the Nightmare possess another character again", indicating that Rarity was always a little bit evil and just needed a push. Which, admitidly, could make for an interesting story, but it wasnt the one I realy felt up to telling.
Then I came up with a great idea- Rarity's fall from grace needed an act so horrible, so traumatising, that it would scar her and infulence her actions throughout the story. But what could it be? The death of her sister, Sweetie Belle.
The problem with this idea is that it changed the theme of the story considerbly- Rarity doesn't want to be queen, because a queen can't bring back the dead. So I discared the queen idea and instead she became a wielder of black magic. And here we are. Enjoy.
Edit- Not sure where I got the name from, other than the depths of my imagination, but it was the only thing I could come up with. I like it, but I just feel it could be better.
Edit edit- I just realised that this is the second story I have writen in which Rarity jumps onto the crazy train. Third if you include My Little Evangelion, but she hasn't been introduced yet. Huh.
I honestly don't like this. This should be the first chapter, not the prologue. Oh, well.
Keep going though! I hope that it'll get better...
1469611
Well, the idea is that in chapter one, we jump back in time to just before Sweetie dies, so we can see Rarity's descent into evil first hand, then the prologue happens, then the conclusion.
I suppose I could work it so that the story starts at this point, but that would mean sticking the story on haitus for a month as I try to work out a new ending for the story. And besides, I am very fond of starting a story in medias res.
Was there anything else that stood out to you as being bad? I really need all the feedback I can get.
1469650
It takes years to become a necromancer.
Only EXTREMELY HIGH LEVEL spells require a sacrifice of any type.
And why does she go mad and evil, anyways? She had never seemed to do so in the show...
PM me, please. I don't want this debate to end up as spam on your bright and shiny stuff.
I'm interested in this fic. Remember to indent your paragraphs.
1472330
Huh. I remember reading on one of the self help guides for writing fics that you either indent your paragraphs or put a space between them, but not both as it was usually redundant.
Still, if you think it would improve the readability then I will fix it as soon as I get to a computer (stupid iPad not having a tab button).
1473021 If that's true, then my mistake.
1473935
Just looked it up- it turns out that just indenting, just putting a space between paragraphs or doing both are all perfeclty acceptable ways of formating a story. link.
So I think i'll just take the lazy path and leave it as it is.
WOW! As short as the prologue was, it immediately grabbed my attention. Favoriting and following.
As to it taking years to develop the necessary power and skills that we see with Rarity, who is to say that it hasn't been numerous years since Sweetie Belle passed on. Also, grief can be a powerful motivator for quick learning, and it is easier to learn the dark arts than it is the good traditionally.
My personal opinion on all this... (to the author) just write how your imagination puts the story together. It IS your story after all lol
1475337
Also, learning the dark arts helps when being tutored by a being of infinite darkness.
Glad you love it.
Fear the Wrath of my Inkscape skills! Muh-ha-ha-ha!
So yeah, i just quickly knocked up a cover pic in inkscape. Aint brilliant, but a) I cant draw, 2. I'm a little drunk and thirdly i am very lazy when it comes to this sort of thing.
1475452 Only a little drunk? Finish that beer and break out the 5th of vodka!
1476301
I would, but being unemployed puts a limit on how much I can afford to drink.
1478182 lol I can relate not having enough money for good potato juice where most of my money goes towards my truck or bike.
Hope its a decent beer at least lol
1478208
Yeah, it's alright stuff. Just cheep. My alcohol consumption should improve in about a week when my dads homebrew has finished cooking.
1478286 A good stout or porter? I prefer my beer dark with a powerful flavor lol
1478348
So do I. my dad's making a dark ale, which I am very partial to, and a batch of pale larger, which I'll happily drink if there isn't anything else. Which makes me sound like an alcoholic.
Of course, my all time favourite drink is a Zombie. Where's all the run gone? I drank it all!
Got a place in town that uses 151 when making their zombies! GOOD SHIT!!!
1478736
Not sure what my local uses, as the ingredients are rum, rum, rum, rum, flavouring of your choice (coke zombie is weird), fire. Going to try a chocolate orange one when I next have a chance- if it works I'll call it the zompony!