Lovecraftian horror. Rarity is invited to join the Ponyville Royal Art Society. However, one artist isn't all she seems to be, and discovering the truth may cost Rarity more than she can imagine...
Contains light gore.
Inspired the Cthulhu Mythos by H.P Lovecraft. The poem "Night-Gaunts" was written by H.P Lovecraft himself, so all credit for that goes to him.
Chapter 1 has been rewritten, with a different ending, for the few of you who read the orginal version. Thanks to Pascoite, Windmill 7 and Ezn for their assistance.
Chapters (3)
and the epilogue is now up. totaly have a sequal in the works as well. it shall be awsome and full of mind fuck.
ugh. a thumb down without an explanation. that always makes me feel sick. its like i failed.
depressed professor is depressed.
This is well written who thumbed it down? I for one, eagerly await the sequel.
1413921
Thanks for the support.
And the sequal is going to be great. A great big multi chapter thing where twilight wanders around arkham investigating. Investigating what? Well, that would be telling.
This is indeed very wonderful! As a Lovecraft fan myself, I find that you keep true to the nature of the stories quite well. Bravo, sir.
1469750
wow, really? I kinda feared I drifted too far away from the source material- I find it very hard to read Lovecraft as my eyes keep glazing over whenever he spends more than a paragraph describing something (which is always) so my knowledge of his work is sadly limited.
Although I do love what I have been able to read of his work. Pickman's model is perhaps my favouite, as you can tell from this fic.
1469793 Indeed, it was a great, shortened horror story that stayed true to the nature of most Lovecraft works. My own personal favorite piece has to be The Dunwich Horror. Lovecraft would go into detail so much because he enjoyed immersing the character in the story, that way they would feel the horror he felt while writting. Some don't prefer it, but I think it's wonderful.
So yes, this warranted a fav and a thumbs up. Also, if you enjoy Dark stories, I recommend you check out my fic Feral. I hear good things about it. 
1469818
You know, I think I will. I am actully running out of things to read.
1469830 Well then, there ya go. An enjoyable read for an enjoyable read!
1471003
Thanks!
Just got some excellent feedback from an EQD prereader, but unfortunatly there were too many grammar mistakes for them to post. So I am going to fix that and maybe find a proofreader or two to give it a once over.
I will read this... sometime...
*marks to read later*
1503187
I would recommend doing so. But then again, I am the author, so I might be a little biased.
But seriously, I consider this be one of my better fics, so if you do read something of mine, make it this one.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/313/579/3f5.gif
A Lovecraftian-style horror that actually feels like a Lovecraftian-style horror. I wish I could say such a thing was not uncommon. Pickman's Model is one of my favorite so this immediately rests in a special place for me. I'll be watching you, sir.
1554525
Thanks for the fave and watch!
I should warn you that I am going to rewrite parts of this soonish, however. It will be much better, and much longer, I assure you.
1554549
I shall make a note of this.
...
Mister Charles Dexter Ward.
1555881
No relation.
Okay, the rewrite is offically compleat! New ending and better grammar—what more could you ask for?
just...
fucking...
WOW!!!
This was one intense story! I do have to say that it captured my attention, And you have a sequal planned? You, good Sir, have my full attention now!
1886204
I have lots of things planned. But yes, a sequel is rattling around in my head.
Glad you enjoyed it.
1886214 Felt like something that would come right from the mind of Lovecraft or Poe.
1886258
I have a twisted mind, remember?
Do you have a hidden chapter? Because it shows only the chapter and epilogue, but even though both chapters have been read, it shill lists this story as having an updated chapter.
1886313
Nope. I did delete a chapter, but there should be only the two chapters. Try clicking and unclicking the green tick.
1886326 done that... did not work. I end up haveing to click the Read All button, and opening the other two stories with unread chapters to untick the green tickmarks.
I think that it was still registering that deleted chapter as being unread for me, forcing to mark everything with one click, then going back to edit after.
Damn site glitches!
1886342
I hear ya, buddy.
Deleted chapter??? Whaaaa!!!
*EDIT*
No Prob!
2250635
Oh, sorry. I rewote chapter 1, which I did by deleting the original and creating a new one. This was before I learnt of the site glitches, and I am unaware of how to fix it. My bad.
I have yet to read your story, but I'm mildly surprised it was featured on EqD when one of their rules is 'no gore'. And you specifically tagged your story gore.
I wonder if it is light enough in your story or they're just loosening their rules a tad.
2250749
The rule is no mature stuff. They still let gore on, as long as it isn't excessive. And the gore here isn't, its very mild and only appears towards the end.
Cupcakes is on Equestria Daily. I guess that is relevant, isn't it?
I love this! It is so awesome!!!
I hope to see more soon! 
I love the idea of psycho Rarity.. Just saying 
Don't feel too bad about the thumbs down for this story, it possibly means they were disturbed by it. Which means you succeeded
I for one enjoyed it
Psch, you call this madness?
Still, have a thumb!
Aside from slightly mechanical sentence structure early on, your mechanics were very good! When Rarity finally got it was... fun? No, that's not quite it. Huh...
Also, Dark Arts is a great OC name, especially given the situation.
2251442
Cupcakes was put up before the rule came into effect. Actually, Cupcakes is why the rule is in effect.
2251772
I'm glad you like it. And more pysco Rarity hm? That gives me a few ideas.
2252096
Yeah, I'm over it now. Especially since the first two drafts of this were terrible. And I'm happy to hear you like it!
2252158
The sequel (when I get round to it) will be better/worse depending on your perspective!
2252999
Glad to have you on board!
2253547
I'm quite proud of it myself—normally I'm no good with names.
I read your story yesterday, and I can't stop thinking about it. I want MORE. I'm happy to hear there will be a sequel, which is why I'm watching you now. ;)
Personally, I'm hoping that Rarity and Luna will regain their sanity somehow, eventually.
2258244
That is exactly the impact I wanted it to have.
As for Rarity and Luna...
2254506 ^^ I'm actually writing something about that subject myself. Haha
That was amazing! Loved it!
Oh, this was so good! I'm a fan of H.P. Lovecraft and Pickman's Model is one of my favorites. (Though The Colour Out of Space is probably my absolute favorite.) And you've nailed it by casting the Nightmare as an Eldritch Abomination. I mean, "the stars shall aid in her escape" sounds like something lifted right out of Lovecraft!
Anyway, great story, and a good example of dark fiction done right! When the sequel comes, I'm there.
2263867
Glad you liked it!
2265111
I'm pleased I managed to entertain a true fan of both works. Its actually been quite a while since I have read any of Lovecraft's work—I have difficutly digging my way through some of his prose at times. But the Colour Out of Space was very good. May go back and reread it.
thats it THATS IT!!!!!
this cant be it
please tell me theres more please 
Didn't really do it for me, I'm afraid. I'm a fan of Lovecraft and this was too heavily referential for my taste. What I mean to say is, this pulled in so many plot elements directly from his works that I spent more time recognizing the reference than actually parsing the story itself. It killed any sense of horror that might have had a chance to build otherwise.
It's a phenomenon that even Lovecraft's own writing isn't immune to. After you've read enough of it, some of his weaker pieces become more a game of "guess which eldritch horror is driving people mad this week". I'm sure readers who are less familiar with the source material would have no such issue. As it was, I spent the first part of the story trying to decide whether Dark Arts was an incarnation of Nyarlathotep rather than really caring what was going on in Rarity's mind. Of course, as soon as Dark Arts invited Rarity round, I remembered Pickman, so the reveal of the Muse as a real thing was entirely expected and anti-climactic.
I like what you're trying to do here, but I think you would be better served writing an entirely new plot that borrows concepts from the Cosmology rather than directly borrowing plot elements from Lovecraft. Thumbs down from me on this one, but if you ever do decide to write a sequel, I'll check it out.
2535077
Well, thanks for telling me why you've given it a thumbs down. More than most people give.
And yeah, I see your point. I did borrow heavily from Pickmans model. Don't worry, the sequel is going in a slightly more original direction. When I get round to writing it.
A decent attempt at Lovecraftian style fiction, although there were weaknesses, overall an enjoyable piece which I will be happy to favourite, supply an up vote and recommend to my fellow Lovecraftian inclined comrades. Overall the story was interesting and well developed, the characters seemed to be holding up to their canon personalities and you managed to mirror some of Lovecrafts evocative language. However, I cannot say that it is without fault.
The writing whilst not bad, it could certainly be improved, not because there is anything seriously wrong with it but rather that it frequently portrays an almost mechanical feel, completely unsuited to a first person narrative. Furthermore, Rarity sometimes say things which would seem rather abnormal, and would generally be more suited to internalised dialogue than to be spoken out loud. Some of the elements which you have tried to portray also come across a little poorly implemented. Certainly you attempt to keep the Muse slightly indescribable, but your description comes across a little too clear cut and precise, not allowing the mind to develop on vague suggestion and supply its own fears to your creation. Not necessarily a weakness, but neither a strength is your over reliance on pre-existing material, which comes across heavily in the plot if one had read Lovecraft extensively. I would have suggested you to use your own work in any other Mythos inspired endeavor in order to keep your audience on the edges of their seats. Finally, I feel the story could have been suited to be longer, allowing the tension to further build up until the dramatic unveiling of your horror, a few less obvious clues and suggestions could have also added to the experience.
Overall, one of the better pieces that I have read which focused on the application of Mythos themes to Equestria, despite its flaws I feel you should be proud of what you have done, Lovecraft after all is a hard fellow to follow and you have done admirably in your attempts to bring the Mythos to a new medium. In conclusion 7/10, keep writing and I am sure you will master the horror genre, I shall now go and add this to my box for recommended reading and begin upon the sequel you have since brought into creation.
Best wishes
EldritchSpires
I do love a good horror story, but as stated by others, a few things prevent me from truly enjoying the fic to its fullest.
The first is that you understand horror, but struggle to write it at times. What I refer to are scenes that are meant to be buildup to the finale. Rarity keeps hearing scratching, but dismisses it as rats or Opal. Luna is concerned about the new wave of art, but nothing comes out of it. The thing is, that's not buildup, at least not to me. It feels like you are either A.) trying to set up red herrings or B.) trying to force the audience to believe something in order for a sudden twist to be more shocking. I don't like being led by the nose. I want to make my own conclusions and interpret the shocks on my own. I don't want to be told how, when, and why I should be scared.
The ending made me roll my eyes a little as well. "Beware, for it awakens. A beast that isn't, from a slumber that isn't. It feeds on the madness of artists. The stars are the lock and key! Beware!" Is this really something Rarity would say? I know Rarity is going mad due to something staring back at her in the darkness, but that brief moment of lucidity didn't sound like Rarity at all. Plus, it's less a cryptic warning and more sequel bating. I don't mind sequels in of themselves - providing they are good - but I don't like hooks to be so obvious. The fridge horror of Lovecraft comes from not knowing anything or not knowing enough, because if you do know the complete truth, the cognitive dissonance drives you mad. You're trying to have it both ways; the horror is known, and yet unknown. It doesn't work like that.
I'm a little offset by Luna going mad as well. Since Luna didn't see the rest of the exhibits, didn't see Pickman, and didn't make a flourish of the night sky, her ending scene is more confusing than unnerving. The revelation that she has gone mad, well after her doing so would make sense, is more confusing than anything. I, personally, am more focused on why she has gone mad then the horror behind it.
So, that's it for me. I like it enough to favorite, but not enough for an upvote.
2746780
Yeah, I totally get what you mean—telling, but not telling at the same time. I'll admit it's something I have difficulty with, especially since you're not be first to point it out.
As for the epilogue... It works better as a prologue to the sequel, I'll admit. This story doesn't work as a stand alone, because I left far too many threads hanging—Luna fellig uneasy with the art, Luna going mad, Rarity's warning, the whole thing is build up to stuff that will appear in the sequel.
In hindsight, I should have had this as just the prologue to Concealed in the Fog, but this was written on very early, when I was just starting out, and I was still testing the waters at the time.
Live and learn, I guess.
2751831
We all have to start somewhere. I'm honestly surprised at how many people follow me, given the mistakes I've made.
Continue acting like a sir.