OK, this is a spin off of kickass222urmom "living the Dream". This is the story of DJ, who was brought to equestria after the world ended. DJ had hoped that equestria would hold some adventures for him to undertake, he would never of dreamed, that he would undertake an adventurers so dangers, so mystifying, that he would face, booby traps, the living dead, an army diamond of dogs, secret messages, strange encounters in the newspapers. And...Singing cockroaches? All that and trying to make friends. Oh and the fact that he was transformed into a mare, and NOT loving it. In this spin of of one of the most popular fanfics of all time, stay tune and find out.
Chapters (1)
im a huge fan of the original LtD, but i think you should really get an editor/proofreader for this stuff
'YOU HAVE SURVIVED THE RAPTUER AND NOW THOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A CHANCH TO LIVE AGAIN.'
Bahah.
Now, you see... LtD might be popular, but... uh, from a literary perspective, it's pretty freakin' terrible. Now, this story is built upon that one, and so far, it doesn't look good at all, either. The grammar is absolutely terrible. First- or second-grade terrible. There's so many mistakes that it's hard to read. So many mistakes, ones they teach you not to make in school. School is good; stay in it and listen, your grammatical skills will improve. I'm going into tenth grade this year, and my grammar is good. You can do it too. Practice proper grammar in things like online games when chatting, and such. It helped me a lot. Now, back to the plot. Okay, generic SI W-F beginning, completely unoriginal Rapture dealio and all that, straight from the source material. No originality to this piece except for the main character's dreams of nailing canon characters--which is what all the characters from the source material seem to have in common for some dumb reason--being basically smashed from the beginning, which, considering the (and I quote) 'romance' theme of the original, will hopefully lead this to take its own--and more reasonable--direction.
I will not downvote this; I hate the original, and I don't like this so far, but I didn't come here expecting much, and I came to give advice, and there you have it.
1127029 Even thou that last comment pissed me off. i have to say you're right. i suck at writeing/typeing i admit it. but my ideas are begging to be let out. i thank you and truth betold i'm looking for a pre reader/editor. i want to make a story that will be remberd but i need alot of help. thanks agine for the comment. and if you know anyone who could pre reader/editor for me please send them my way. i suck worse then my brother at singing. Dear god thats horrible.