When Twilight Sparkle finds herself in the middle of an unusual Ponyville celebration filled with more questions than answers, its up to her to unearth the long-buried secrets of the town and its traditions. An old, beat up journal slowly tells the tale of the last Monster Hunter of Ponyville, his involvement with the town, and his sudden disappearance. Will Twilight unravel the mystery or get caught up in the web herself?
This is a fanfiction that crosses the world and ideas of the uniquely popular Monster Hunter video games with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Several chapters are completed and will be released as time goes on, to allow me to continue working on future chapters without too much of a hiatus between updates. yeah forget I said that.
The whole thing started as a misunderstanding. People thought i was writing a fanfiction when i was merely bouncing ideas around. Not to disappoint i decided to actually work on one. Note: the Original Character in this story is not mine. It is actually a friend's OC given the breath of life by me. Hopefully, not being involved with the creation of the OC will allow me to control it and mold it into a believable and interesting character, rather than, well, every other OC ever.
a Twilight focused MH crossover? count me in
Twilight's name often not capitalized.
Apart from this, it looks pretty interesting. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png
I have to agree, Twilight's name is randomly not capitalized, and many "I"s are also not capitalized as well. If you can, space out your paragraphs every so often, as the whole thing looks like a big block o text.
That said, I shall praise you for coming up with a way to crossover Monster Hunter, I myself had not thought of. There's a Monster Hunter Group of this site, if you'd like to share your story there. clonezero has been helping my concepts with my future MonHun story, so I am sure he can help you too!
Take care! Watching anxiously
That's it
...I hate this website......................
6 likes, 47 views
...
and it's in the fifth spot of the featured box.
i.imgur.com/kFfkP.png
1504593
Uh? Why the hate?
I find this idea interesting. I will ad to the "To Read" list and will comment when read.
1504702
This broke my head cannon regarding the feature box
Niiice
I dont know if its a good or bad thing I dont know anything about what "Monster Hunter" is but so far the suspense has me hooked.
Mon hun crossed with mlp? Damn I just read a star wars cross fic a few minutes ago and now this! :D I LOVE MH I shall read this and expect an upvote and track if I like this :3
1504716 Look at my comment above, and then you'll see why he probably thinks that. It's not the story itself, but the fact it was featured AND in the fifth spot.
1504737 My head canon is that one entity is secretly in control of the feature box, try to guess who from the gif below:
i.imgur.com/52t0O.gif
Seriously? My story did way better than this and THIS gets featured? WDF!!!
1504702 All I have to say is that I love your name.
1504593 Because this is featured with only 26 ratings and since it is in clear need of editing?
Monster Hunter, MLP crossover...
are...are you God?
Oooo... not getting a good feeling...
First paragraph: >>The early morning sun poured its first rays over twilight's window. Slowly, the growing puddle of light splashed around the library, covering the floor and furniture in its warm glow. It was morning in Ponyville, as it always was, as it always will be. The light crept up to Spike's bed, only to be greeted with a grunt as the little dragon pulled his bedsheets over his head. It made its way to twilight's bed, and with a small and delicate whisper the natural alarm clock woke twilight up.>>
Okay, 'It was morning in Ponyville, as it was, as it always will be.' is a VERY awkward sentence. Sooooo, it never ceases to be morning there? You've just explicitly stated that it is eternally morning in Ponyville. Not good phrasing at all, unless you are actually meaning to say that the sun has been stuck forever just over the eastern horizon in this story's world. You might want to change it to something more like, "It was another perfectly lovely morning in Ponyville, as every morning always was and likely always would be." This gets across the point that life in Ponyville is very predictable and mundane without implying something implausible.
Editing is your friend.
>>>A smirk crossed twilight's face as she considered the possibility of "Welcome Home" being the actual pony's name, which admittedly, isn't too far fetched.
That 'isn't' should be changed to 'wasn't' given that all other actions in the narrative are spoken of in the past tense.
>>>"Oh right, sorry." Twilight raised the cup and took a drink.
Every day, Twilight tries to sum up her experiences and write a letter based on what she learned about friendship. Today, so early in the morning, she learned that when one of her friends, a particularly orange colored apple cider enthusiast friend, tells her a certain type of cider is "a bit strong," she means something else entirely.>>>
Again, in here the tenses jump around. The POV you use at the beginning must remain the same through each scene. The characters actions are in the past tense, but then her intent is spoken in a present tense. This is not inherently incorrect, but it isn't maintained through the entire scene. it only shows up here and nowhere else. You need to go through and make sure your maintaining a consistence POV. I would advise keeping everything in the past tense, as that predominates.
Day 2 starts out rather odd..
>>>Today was just like every other day. Sunrise came at exactly the same time as before. The sun burst through the window at incredible speeds, swallowing the floor and furniture. Its blinding, white hot rays of hate threatened to set fire to twilight's bed. Almost punching her in the back of the head, the sun woke twilight up with its merciless, unwavering light. Twilight groaned loudly as she tried in vain to shield herself from the onslaught of heat and brightness. There was a great pounding of drums and an incredible amount of noise, but this time it wasn't outside on the streets, it was inside Twilight's head.>>>
This is a rather severe departure from the first morning. Is there a reason for this? Why the sudden change in mood? It's unsupported by the previous night's mood. You say later that it's because she needs coffee. Then how is previous morning's gentleness explained? Was she suffering a hangover from the hard cider as is implied a little later one? Then she needs to act more 'drunk' in the narrative of the previous night. As it stands, there is no sign of her being drunk at all. I think a little rewording of a few phrases might allieviate the discrepency. Make her seem more exhausted the previous night; have her collapse into bed with exhaustion, then add a sentence to each morning to let the reader know that these descriptions of the mornings are clearly Twilight's thoughts on them. Then it makes more sense.
Not going to point out all the other grammar errors and oddities... there are too many. Head hurts now.
1504968 same with 3 of my other stories
HEY YOU! Your the most amazing awsome
sexyperson ever. Seriously though I love the idea and I can't wait to see we're this goes! Sigh yet another story to wait for.1504716
I hate this fucking website because my story has 113 thumps up only 6 down and over one thousand views yet this fucking bull shit is on the featured board that's why I hate this website!1505375
Thanks for the feedback. I'll get to editing those errors you guys mentioned and I'll put more effort into editing the next three chapters so far. I'm glad several of you liked it and, well, I'm even more glad some of you didn't. Had no idea it was featured though, I wish I could have taken a screenshot of that :3c.
I'm a big fan of both ponies and hunters so writing this story is entertaining and getting feedback is even better.
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1504863 spider man spider man does whatever he wants to do.
When you have your characters think, the thoughts themselves should be italicized, not put in quotation marks. Quotation marks are used for when they speak.
There are two types of "positive" negative reviews.
"You/This story have/has potential" Translation: You suck at writing.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Sweetie_Belle_lolface.png But I like your idea!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png
"You need an editor" Translation: You are good and well-structured, but dear Celestia pick up a book on punctuation, or at least find someone to pick one up for you!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Sweetie_Belle.png
Seeing so much of Type 2 here... I'll put it on my Read Later. It better be worth it, especially with that crossover tagdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Mr_Cake.png
I liked it. it was very good and while i suck at grammar i do recommend a editor it will help in the long run.
This be awesome. That is all.
Its I instead of i when your writing in first person.
bowguns huh? i can understand lowering fatality rate im cool with all weapons but i do prefer bows :P abit easier and more exciting to use IMO xD
Ah I remember my first actual hunt at first volociprey are just annoying as hell with there pouncing xD volocidrome is worse tho his first hunt coulda gotten a lot worse :P heh I'm enjoying this please continue and hopefully he gets to the point that he gets to hunt his first wyvvern kut-ku maybe?
Can't put this down... give Meh moar!
uh guild policy if there isn't at least one melee hunter too 3 gunners, the fatality average of the group quintouples. and what about the gravios? what about the lao? bow gun just doesn't seem like a smart choice.
inconsiderate jerks? ..... mistreating civllians? .... no concern for collaterial damage?
I AM GONNA MURDER HIM WITH A KUT-KU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously hunters cause collaterial damage masisve amount killing one beast, but the beat they kill annighlates whole cities without noticing. i'd love to see shining armor attempt a hunt. one monster hunter is worth a full squad of soilders, it's cannon. the requests sometimes note that your being called in cause soilders arn't enough.
i seriously hope celestia and luna think differently.
.... okay that was just mean, seriously mean to him. the hall belongs to him! seriously that was rude.