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E

Trouble

An orgin story in a way.
the backstory of applejack , big mac, and lil applebloom. their mom died soon after applebloom was born and their dad is called away to canterlot. now its up to the siblings and their granny to run the farm.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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Writer12577 #1 · Oct 12th, 2012 · · ·

First off, wall of text. Use text formatting and paragraphs to make it readable.

Secondly, grammar. Your best friend. Fix it and it helps you get much more positive feedback.

Thirdly, CAPITAL I's, even mid-sentence. "I'm happy, am I?"

Fourthly, always when someone else speaks, start a new line.

"Well, time to get going," Applejack said. "Those apples ain't gonna buck themselves down!"
"Eeyup," responded Big Mac.

Consider editing this in order to make it more readable.

Daffodil

Daffodil #2 · Oct 12th, 2012 · · ·

Here. You're welcome.

CherryCupcake116

CherryCupcake116 #3 · Oct 12th, 2012 · · ·

NotTheOP ,
i will be fixing errors after this weekend.

CherryCupcake116

CherryCupcake116 #4 · Oct 12th, 2012 · · ·

Daffodil ,
that was a bit rude.. i am a beginner. i plan on fixing errors after this weekend... i have a sick kitty and a bday party to tend to...

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