Herd in Hiding

A detective with the help of a newly-turned werepony fights demons on Earth and a demonic realm.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 2
- Newest First
- Oldest First

nukestar

nukestar #1 · 3 weeks ago · · ·

No one would be pawning items or eating Chinese food on this block. Even the graffiti ~~was~~ felt threatening; too many sharp edges and strange curves. What language was the scrawling in? Gil did not want to know, ignorance was probably better. He didn’t want to meet the tagger either.

The 'was' should be removed.

He pushed those thoughts away, it was bad enough that his "gut" was screaming at him to get back in the car and drive back into the bad part of town. Hookers and street punks were better than almost total silence. Again, he had to remember why he was here.

Needs a 'that'.

Broadly I recommend getting a proof-reader, There's a lot of minor phrasing and formatting errors.

Otherwise, an intriguing premise.

sevenofeleven