So... my name is Ciaphas Cain, and I am—or, at least, I was—a newly-minted Commissar fresh out of the Schola Progenium. By some horrid twist of fate, I got assigned to the Valhallan 18th and its infamous Commander, which has just been sent to a newly discovered backwater garden world to dispose of its oddly horse-like xeno population.
The next thing I know, I'm stranded on the planet in an alien body, the Xenos’ leader is in a coma for the foreseeable future, and her subjects—despite knowing full well that I was once a member of the same group of Imperials who’d struck her down—have shoved me onto her now-vacant throne for reasons having to do with the fact that my new body has wings and a horn. And I'm apparently a psyker now thanks to that horn, and a stupidly powerful one at that. Oh, and have I mentioned that these xenos expect me to somehow lead them to victory against the trigger-happy Inquisitor that seeks to wipe them off the face of the galaxy with nothing but my savviness, a cunning mind, a silver tongue, the resources of a race completely oblivious to the grim darkness of the far future, and the magical power of peace, joy, rainbows, and orbital friendship lasers? I don't think I had.
Brace yourselves; things somehow manage to get even wackier from there.
This is heavily inspired by Ciaphas Cain: Warmaster of Chaos, and as a result it does not take itself too seriously. If you want a grimdark brutalization fic in which the ponies get slammed with the horror of war, prepare to be disappointed.
I lllllllike this...
I knew that sooner or later this commissioner would manage to reach Equestria, but this idea does not convince me, putting Cain as a rookie makes him lose a lot of the essence and skills of the emblematic character (Jurgen, among many other things).
I'll just leave this here to use as this fics theme song
11845501
I think you’ll be surprised that making him a rookie doesn’t really take away his essence and skills. Ciaphas Cain, Warmaster of Chaos, does the same thing, and Cain is still undeniably Cain in that fic.
11845505
It's like he takes a baby Celestia and trains her in the Oficio Asesinorum, is he really the same character or do they just share characteristics?
Intressting concept, going to track that for now,thought I would prefer it if you continued Warhammer 40k: Friendship Is (NOT) Heretical instead
11845621
Or the author can do whatever they want and not listen to demands.
U could make this RGRE for extra hilarity points
11845533
I recommend you wait until the fic actually gets rolling before you make any further judgements.
11845740
Yeah, I’ll admit it; Ciaphas Cain getting dumped into Equestria as an Alicorn was inspired by AAA. But unfortunately, the sexual stuff would distract too much from the hilarity of two very different universes colliding with all the grace and smoothness of Ababbon ordering his Black Fortress to ram Cadia, so we’ll stick with canon Equestria.
11845621
Fi(N)H is still my main focus, but I’ll work on both that and on this fic.
11845803
Was thinking the even more exaggerated societal clash then even canon equestria already is with RGRE stallions being coddled the way they are and Ciaphas Cain being the accidental action hero badass that he is
11845805
Will Amberly be contrived into being alicorn too
11845870
Nope, sorry! There’s already four Alicorns in play here, five if you count the comatose Celestia; a sixth is kinda unnecessary. Don’t worry, I still have plans for her.
11845868
Yeah, well, stallions being coddled would kinda go against Cain being shoved into a highly-placed position with a lot of responsibilities, all while he’s being very vocal about how much he disapproves of all this. Plus, I haven’t read RGRE.
Moooore......
11845938
Working on it!
11845908
Dracolisk like discord to freak out ponies and have forbidden romance?
11846625
…pretty sure Amberly would murder Discord if he tried to get into a romantic relationship with her. Or try to, at least.
11846636
I meant between an alicorn (ciaphas) gods of harmony and dracolisks (gods of chaos)
11846661
Not really, no.
11846663
Figured but wanted to put the idea forward to you thanks anyway, looking forward to more of the story.
Well, this should be very interesting. Though the question of Celestia’s current condition is still up in the air. I fear Discord made Cain an alicorn to maintain the ranks…
But that’s a matter for later. For now, the good commissar will need to come to grips with his situation (tricky without limbs) and Luna needs to work on the calculations to see if she can steer the moon into the invading fleet without wrecking the planet in the process. (Almost certainly not; it’d be terribly anticlimactic.)
Also, I wish Amberly the best. Being within earshot of Karamazov is a bad position for anyone capable of rational thought.
11848308
Your guess is correct; Discord did make Cain an alicorn to maintain the ranks. But that doesn't necessarily mean Celestia is dead.
There's another reason Luna wouldn't use the moon to smack the Pyroclast Retribution out of the sky; it would mean certain death for everybody aboard. In this fic, the ponies wouldn't describe themselves as a warlike race, and are thus going to be very twitchy about killing, even in self-defense. That won't make them any less effective on the battlefield, though...
Amberly knows enough to keep her head down and be patient. She'll be fine.
Neat, I normally only see stories a few chapters in, when it's clear the author won't get bored and stop. If this continues, I hope the ponies could help the citizens of the imperium, and heal the emperor, because the image of a glorious golden man petting pony Caiaphas is funny to me
11854458
Yes, the ponies are going to do their best to help the Imperium; this is a noblebright kid’s cartoon we’re talking about here, after all. Then again, we’re also talking about the Imperium of the Man at the high end of the grimderp scale here, too; if the ponies want to usher in a new golden age for the Imperium, they’re gonna have to drag huge chunks of Imperium along by force. And you can expect the more xenophobic divisions of the Imperium to be kicking and screaming every step of the way.
11854677
cool
Here's hoping the imperium starts enjoying life just as much as the Boyz
11854931
Knowing the Imperium? That's probably not gonna happen anytime soon.