Thousands of moons ago, Nightmare Moon attempted to overthrow her sister. Even more moons prior to that, Starswirl banished the Shadow Pony. Even more moons ago prior to that, Skyros existed.
But millions of moons ago? There was a dynasty that spanned the entire continent of Equestria. One that can be found deep deep underground, past slate after slate of compressed rock. Almost every cave in the modern Equestria won't reach far enough down for a pony to explore it.
And some human ended up there in the land preserved by a spell, buried by a spell, and kept still by a spell.
Almost still.
Tags updated as it goes along.
Chapters (4)
Intriguing, you have peaked my interest 🗿
Intriguing start and I'm invested and hooked but the small plot dump at the end yuck, show don't tell my dude, wasn't bad just janky.
Would of been nifty if you used the previous mentioned stain glass into murals so the Mc could kinda "guess" what happened to the place (inline with how the stained glass at canterlot tells stories) so when he meets the queen she doesn't just info dump and tell him to go off and take care of a problem imo.
Also maybe add a incentive for him to actually go and do what she says rather than him going "oh ok il do it no questions asked" along the lines of her telling him x pony summoned him/is preventing him from getting back home and cursed him or something but she can fix it if he scratchesher back so to speak (unless i missed where she did and if so my bad man).
Just my thoughts of course you can firmly disagree I'd just though I'd share my opnion.write what you want
11810739
Hey, thanks for the feedback! These are actually some great notes here, usually I try to do a better job of showing and not telling but...
As you can see it’s not always a thing I stay on top of with this brain.
The only pro for him helping her is he gets to live, impending doom and all that. His inability to go home ties into some later plot points, but I did consider the more motivation bit.
And making stained glass murals similar to Canterlot Castle wasn't quite possible when crap hit the fan in the span of seconds and Vast Nebula had to hold together whatever she could with whatever she acted with in the moment, but you have a point still.
Appreciate all the feedback.
11810794
No problem bro i like how it starts and im interested to see where you take it, and I understand the stain glass mural bit thinking back on it yea makes sense, you could use it to tell the history of the city (not how it fell but it's genral history) ad lib style before its downfall if you ever wanted to splurge on lore for a min.
Once again it's your story so don't feel forced to changed anything to just appease me, I'm just giving my opinion.
11810794
Also depending on how you write your character on whether or not he has family and love ones waiting or a wife or something, his incentive could always be a nice house with a good view and all the money he ever wants/a good job, pretty damn good incentive for most people.