Hi, I'm Kelsey. :) Can't believe I didn't make an account here earlier, haha!
It’s the fall formal at Sweetie Belle’s middle school and she has a date! But with getting older comes more responsibility and more societal pressures. And big sister Rarity decides she wants to help. Potential CW: brief mention of body image problems.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is a decently written exploration of the issues, but I can't help but feel the pacing is a bit fast. I got the impression that Rarity comforting Sweetie Belle over her body image issues was meant to form the emotional crux of the story, but the scene is over and done with so quickly it loses its impact on the reader. If you want to get a sense of what I'm referring to, I'd recommend reading the following story:
- MLP: FiM
- Dark
- Drama
- Sad
Sweetie Belle wants to be just like her sister, as beautiful as she is, but she doesn't know how much danger she's in.There were also a handful of minor technical issues; there were several instances where you wrote 'Sweetie Bell' rather than 'Sweetie Belle'.
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Thank you for your comment. I considered sitting with the story longer before posting it which would have at least taken care of some of the technical issues, but I got too excited. 🙈
11705466
I understand.