- Member Since 9th Oct, 2019
- offline last seen Dec 23rd, 2023
Miguelito_Dashie
I really enjoy writing, but I'm still a novice. I strive to improve and I value tips for improvement. Thanks everyone for reading me! <3
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What kind of transformation do story have?
11626073 Basically, whatever I can think of, after all, being a gift from Discord, the item has Chaos magic, which is quite versatile. If you like to suggest something, I'm all ears.
11626123
Any transformation?
Well I love the premise of the story so far, can't wait to see how things will spiral out of control for RD in this. At times I wonder if you had changed her gender sporadically or no when you referred to her as male and such, I was assuming the doll what doing that to her. I could suggest that she has to say the target full name to activate the transformation, but that is just a thought. I wonder if some of the target pony's thoughts and personality also bleed's through it into the owners mind? I wonder if she can plant ideas into the victim's mind that are not their own, or do physical changes to their bodies like mixing each others body part or shrink and grow them in areas, or even change genders?
Here are the mistakes I could detect, I hope it helps. I have the impression you used a translation program for this seeing their weird changing of RD's gender being changed in random moment, probably translation errors and you didn't noticed them due to lack of practice in proofreading. To make things easier to detect those errors for you. I would suggest that you use a text to speech programs to hear out what is being said along with helping see if the sentence structure flows well for you. I would recommend Balabolka, It's free and easy to use. I wish you luck on your writing dude.
for the 'letting', if you didn't had RD mentioned in the sentence you could have let it be, but with her around you have to conger it.
11626156 Thank you very much, both for the ideas and the corrections. I have indeed used a translation program, I will be more careful with the pronouns afterwards and I will take a look at the program you mention.
All are good ideas, and could be passed on as the story progresses. Basically, the premise is quite simple, Rainbow gradually becoming less restrained in the things she does to others. As I replied to someone below, chaos magic being quite versatile, it will only be limited by Rainbow's imagination (and morals).
Again I thank you for the corrections and will get to it now.
11626154 Yep, they will end up coming, I estimate around the fourth or fifth chapter onwards, because the third one I already have half built.
And what kind... Essentially any that Rainbow can think of: gender, shape, to another species, size (as someone else suggested) etc..
You're free to suggest what you'd like to see as well.
What with the helmet RD don’t have helmet?
11626322 Fixed, Thank you!
She thought to himself.
I think you mean herself right?
I am liking this story.
Mabey with Applejack RD can toy with her while she works.
Sorry for missing out on the last two chapters, I just didn't noticed them before. Interesting chapter, but I have noticed that you started missing the gender pronouns a lot again for both RD and AJ, when the last two I had almost nothing to complain about at all, and were nearly perfect. At first I thought is was specific to only RD's shoulder devil, something you intentionally picked, maybe Discord was actually manipulating her like that, or that the more RD was getting into her sadistic side the more she would start using a male pronouns, making me think that she shifted gender at times. I don't know if that is part of your game or not but it could be something to consider for the story.
11638199
First, thanks for the correction, apparently it didn't save this morning I did that, my fault (from sleep probably). Secondly, yep, it's Discord :p
Speaking of Discord. I think RD should try turning the changeling into him at some point only for a letter to show up.
LETTER
(Sorry Dash but I'm the one who gave this to you. You can't control chaos nice try.)
or something like that.
Will she be able to make it so that changes she makes are considered normal by the rest of the town? Like say if she changed Applejack species would she make it that everyone thinks she’s always been like that?
11638852
Haha, it's possible, although that will happen later.
11639398
Possible it is, but it would have to change the perception of each and every one of the others. Basically this thing, although powerful, is somewhat limited to the pony it is transformed into.
11639413
So basically she needs to keep the real fun private to not arouse suspicion
11639431
Yes, relatively private. Why? What did you have in mind?
11640039
Like if she changed someone’s gender or gave them
Huge crotch boobs or even changed their species
11640108
Well... Give time to time haha
Not sure how I got here, but man this was a trip. I appreciate that the personalities are still recognizable despite the effective god-powers Dash has been given. I hope you keep going with it.
11703070
Thanks for the comment, I'm glad you like it. I've been very busy with university (electrochemistry is difficult apparently...) So I decided to put the story on hiatus for a while. With some luck I'll be able to write soon... A hug from a changeling <3