The Mane Six, the CMC, and Spike go inside my epic laptop! They get to explore all the awesome apps I own, and stop a virus! This story isn't meant to be taken seriously, so just enjoy the ride!
Chapters (8)
- Member Since 30th Nov, 2022
- offline last seen Aug 6th, 2023
13enjamin_Marshall_MLP
Soon to be the Next Walt Disney
13enjamin_Marshall_MLP
Joined 30th Nov, 2022 ·
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I realize that you think that this will free you from criticism, but it really just functions as an acknowledgement both of how much you know you suck and how comfortable you are with that.
11654455
I know that, but I just wanna have fun writing stories and not worry about the plot. I don't like my first two stories since I felt they were forced, so I focused more on comedy and stuff. If people criticize the story, I don't care. But if people criticize anything else, I'll try to listen. Alright?
11654457
Okay, well, the first chapter made me experience a level of despair I haven't felt since I tried to take my own life. Dunno how well that gels with your idea of comedy.
11654464
What's wrong with it?
11654474
I think it would be in your interest to read some published works and examine the differences between how you tell stories and how published authors tell stories. Anything at all, really. Doesn't even have to be old, as long as it's a physical printed book.
11654478
Thanks for the criticism, but I'll stick with my style of writing. I'm only 16, after all. Please let me have fun writing dumb stories that make no sense, and are filled with pop-culture references and intentional cringe comedy. Maybe I'll do better when I'm older, but for now, Imma turn my brain off.
11654481
Well, at least you're honest.
11654485
Thanks. Also, if you don't like my style of comedy, you don't have to read my fanfictions. Nobody is forcing you to. But I think your problem is when I write my stories, I write them as if they're scripts. In my mind, I like to picture what's going on with really quick pacing, but I get that's hard to accomplish when you're reading them. I assume you like slower paced stories, right?
11654489
I think actually Arkadios hates MOST stories.
11655645
Oh, okay. Well, what was your opinion on my story?
11655710
I only read the first chapter.
Tor my tastes, it opens like someone describing the opening of a movie or a video, not like someone describing events.
After that, the violence and the way its world works in general seems unrealistic, and I think the best I can say about it is, I guess the idea is that it's like someone playing a videogame. But a description of someone playing a videogame isn't necessarily all that interesting unless the writer works hard to MAKE it interesting.
I'd say you made a good choice in making that chapter short, at least, instead of working hard at wearing out the story's welcome.
So...um...I guess I wasn't really very into it.
I can say in the chapter's favor that it seems to describe things and events clearly, and I did read the chapter to the end instead of throwing it down in disgust or getting too bored.
11655733
Well, the story takes place in my laptop, but nobody's playing a video game. The people inside the laptop are controlling everything. Think Ready Player One, Wreck it Ralph, or Free Guy. And yes, I do write my stories like they're scripts.