- Member Since 25th May, 2017
- offline last seen 10 hours ago
Applefai
I'm a Christian brony born in 10/19/1996, profile pic done by sweetstrokesstudios.. I may write M rated stories I take commissions $10 for first chapter and $5 for additional chapters
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm, mildly interesting premise, but the execution's on the boring side. Probably fulfilled what the commissioner wanted, but as some advice: Consider when repeating a basic scene's premise to vary the details more (having one scene use a kiss was basically this, and made at least that scene not as boring), and try to have tension (whether for clop or story reasons, an "edge of our seat" feel can really elevate things; in this, it seemed like them being undiscovered and eaten was a foregone conclusion, and also the eating was over really fast).
11451395
Thank you, I do try my best and I'll try to improve the quality and the length when and if I get commissioned again