N0Hentai401
Joined 8th Oct, 2022 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Big Imagination E · 1.5k words · 26 12 · 1k views
- underrated Drake · 2.8k words · 156 33 · 8.5k views
- Dante24 · 5.9k words · 108 12 · 9.1k views
- PegPony · 3k words · 132 34 · 4.3k views
- PegPony · 5.1k words · 90 29 · 2.9k views
- Dante24 · 1.8k words · 98 12 · 6k views
- Steel Quill · 9.9k words · 214 11 · 6k views
- Holocron · 8.1k words · 75 11 · 3.3k views
Featured In7
Clopfics11,553 stories ·15,818 members
Looking for Editors3,383 stories ·5,415 members
Spike Fanfictions5,587 stories ·2,958 members
Spike's Harems488 stories ·1,587 members
- Spike's Many Shippings3,682 stories ·1,731 members
Blowjobs966 stories ·502 members
- Spike...... the Brave and Glorious..... I'm Sure You've Heard of Him4 stories ·17 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.093 seconds
Total duration
1,087 users online
1,968,251 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
first to comment it seems, first off i loved the story however it needs a fair bit of editing as i noticed missing letters and extra letters made it a little confusing but i was still able to enjoy it cuz when i read if there are errors my brain activates a sort of autocorect, however not everyone is able to do that which is likly the reason for most of the down votes so once editing is done i see this story geting alot of upvotes.
11397125
Thank you so much for the comment, English is my second language and I edited this myself. I might look for a propper editor at some point. But if the grammar is the only problem with the story and other than that you enjoyed it then I'm pretty happy, I'll try working on that for my next stories.
Very nice chapter.
11399146
Glad you enjoyed it! if you could tell me what you did like about it so i can improve that would be appreciated.
Very nice story, i liked how we could see Spike live his vacation how he wanted, you always here about him doing his job nice to see him just having fun.
It could definitely use some polishing, but I rather enjoyed it. Good work, looking forward to the next one.
11404741
Yeah, english is my second language. i'm trying to look for a proofreader and maybe an editor currently. but im glad you enjoyed it heiter way.
11404859
I've heard tail that they're kind of hard to find.
Heiter = either
Is the correct spelling. Keep practicing though, you'll get it eventually
Good luck on finding an editor
I am very impressed with how patient Spike it, it really feels like him as Spike is always very patient and considerate. I know I would have demanded she stop worrying so much long ago.
Very hot and very sweet. Though perhaps just a tiny bit more assertiveness from hearty would have made it a little more believable. That she get's aggressive herself in wanting to be humiliated.
Though in reality a girlfriend like that would encourage a lot of bad behavior. She can like being treated like it but she should also be able to stand up for herself and draw a line, not just be an enabler.
Not bad though I would have liked a little more balance. That Scarlet can assert herself when needed and that Spike kind of has to learn to handle her correctly.
This is a truly great story. Especially loved the oral focus, complete with some of the best, most thorough cock worship I’ve ever seen. Also a great job playing with the aftermath in chapter 3.
But… the biggest problem is that it desperately needs a proofreader. Typos and misspelled words are literally everywhere in this story. A lot of them are just plain sloppy. At one point in chapter 3, an entire paragraph is repeated for no reason. This could really be a top tier story if the mistakes were fixed, but while it’s in such rough shape, I’d be embarrassed to recommend it to anyone. It’s especially crazy because the actual quality of the writing is quite good for the most part. But it’s constantly marred by blatant spelling mistakes.
The only non-grammar issues I see are these:
1) For most of the story, I find it hard to believe that Spike is really a virgin. He doesn’t act like it very much.
2) The girls being so obsequiously submissive feels a bit off. Just unrealistic. You didn’t just crank the submissivenesses dial up to 11 — you kept on turning it until the dial broke! I suppose that’s the fetish you were going for, which kind of excuses the excess … but still, it leaves the girls (especially Amber) as kind of one-note characters with no depth or nuance.
Still, though, this was an incredible story with an impressively satisfying depth of detail. The substance here is great, and could be one of the best stories on Fimfic. Seriously. Aside from the numerous typos, this is one of the best clopfics purely for clop’s sake that I’ve ever read. Just … for the love of all things pony, get a good proofreader!
11445939
Thank you so much for all the feedback, is very much appreciated. I have been trying to find a proofreader, especially since English is not my first language, but I haven't had any luck so far, I'm aware that's my main problem, other than that I'm very thankful for the praise you gave.
On the note of the two other issues, the first one, I can kinda see, I was going back and forth in making him act more like a virgin or not while writing it, but I enjoyed writing it with him feeling more confident, even though I know its less realistic.
When it comes to the girls being way too submissive, I have to say that I both agree and disagree, while you are right that it makes them less interesting characters if that's all they have, I will say that I have both read, and I'm planning on writing fics with even more submissive girls on them, though, not all of them will be like that of course. I think as long as the characters are enjoyable to read in the clop segments of a fic like this is not that big of a deal, but I will keep your advice in mind especially if I'm writing a more serious fic that's not just clop.
On the last note, I really would love a proper proofreader, but I have been having no luck finding one, if you have any advice as to where to find one I would appreciate it. thank you so much for the very detailed and in-depth comment and advice to improve! I very much appreciate the feedback! especially from someone with as much experience on the site as yourself.
11446079
Here are a couple groups you can try:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/the-proofreader-group
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
I've had success with them in the past.
Unfortunately, I'm too busy these days to do that kind of thing myself.
Would love to read a sequel that deals with introducing Scarlet to Twilight and company!