Fallout Equestria: A dream in a Nightmare

MFallout Equestria: the Jesters hanged Court
MLP: FiM
Fallout
Dark
Horror
Sad
Discords time in the pink cloud in the first days of the end of the world, only problem, he has two fillies to protect
Gore
Violence
Death
Alt. Universe
Discord
Never-After-All-Readings · 5.7k words · 17 6 · 245 views

Fallout Equestria2,613 stories ·5,365 members

Fallout Equestria: A dream in a Nightmare

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Comments ( 7 )

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yonalkaru

yonalkaru #1 · Feb 8th, 2022 · 1 · ·

amazing story dude and wow i found that hella sad!!!!

Never-After-All-Readings

Never-After-All-Readings #2 · Feb 8th, 2022 · · ·

11146647
Thanks, it sounds wierd, but I am happy it came out sad. I was aiming for sad, but a sad with a little closure at the end.

DragonOfTheDesert

DragonOfTheDesert #3 · Feb 11th, 2022 · · ·

"She breathed in tp scream and wished that she had not..."

There was a little typo there. One con obviously assume you meant 'to'.

"...and leaking from his still open mouth."

You accidentally wrote 'his' instead of 'her'.

"...as she sank down laying on the floor in defeat..."

It is 'lying', not 'laying'. 'Laying' is used for something else one is placing. There should also be a comma after 'down'.

"...she had Business there and had told Luna before leaving..."

The word 'business' would be lower case.

All else I can say that I liked Luna's thoughts on the Mane Six (it makes sense that she would think of them most, given she was the ruler then) and her thought about Pinkie Pie annoying the grim reaper enough for him to want to kill her again got a chuckle out of me.

I quite enjoy the different, kinder take on Death as well, especially his attire.

I am also curious about the world going white. Was Luna not already in the afterlife (I hope the afterlife is like that)? Where did she go?

Never-After-All-Readings

Never-After-All-Readings #4 · Feb 11th, 2022 · · ·

11149072
First, thanks for the feed back, I will work on fixing what you pointed out, and for the last scene with death, the white light was more so Luna moving on, the scene with the gala was for closure and for death to talk to her. Sorry I couldn't really explain more.

Starlight Nova