Shining Armor listened as the two mares reported to him what the arrested thief had told them. “Just what we need,” he growled, glaring at some of the paperwork his desk was covered with.
“I don’t like it either, sir, but there’s nothing we can do,” Field Surgery replied.
“Nothing?” the commander asked. “No, what we can do is put an end to this war as soon as possible. Then we won’t have Diamond Dogs or griffons or whatever threatening ponies with murder!” he screamed.
“Sir?” Martial Glory asked flatly.
“What?” the stallion asked back angrily.
“When was the last time you slept with your wife?”
The serious tone caught him completely off-guard. “W-what!?” he spluttered. “How is that - ?”
“Sir, please,” Glory interjected, holding up a hoof. “Sex is great for stress relief and you need it bad.”
“The sex or the stress relief?” the stallion shot back.
“Both.” Glory just stared at the stallion some more through her helmet. “Sir, you know I’m right, and we need you to be thinking straight. If that means you need an hour with your wife, then so be it.”
“Can’t believe I’m saying this, but she actually is right,” Field Surgery agreed reluctantly.
Shining sighed. “You - fine. I’ve been so worried about this war. I need to take my mind off of things.” He stepped out from behind his desk. “First the attack on Ponyville, then the idiots who deserted their posts...” he grumbled, trailing off as he disappeared.
Surgery turned to Glory. “How did you do that?” she asked, staring at the other mare in complete shock.
Glory shrugged. “No idea. Just thought I’d give it a shot.”
That response only inspired more confusion from her colleague. “Really?”
“Hey, it worked, didn’t it?” Glory asked cockily. She tilted her head as she thought for a moment. “I wonder what it’s like being married to the Princess of Love.”
Surgery stared at the other mare as though she had suddenly sprouted a set of wings. “What,” she stated as she led the pair out of this commander’s office.
“I bet it’s more than just emotional love,” Glory added, something suggestive in her tone.
Surgery just looked at the other mare. ‘You are disgusting.”
By the time the party had ended, Thomas’s eyesight had recovered significantly, once more vindicating the small fortune he had forked over for the PHOENIX implant. His vision was still impaired, but he could make out distinct shapes well enough to move about on his own.
“Has anypony seen Spike?” Twilight asked as the others left her room.
“Not since, well...” Veronica trailed off uncomfortably. Rarity shot a glare at the woman, still upset about the event in question.
“That’s what I’m worried about,” the unicorn muttered. “Do you think he’s okay?”
“I can talk to him, if you want,” Thomas suggested.
“You sure that’s a good idea?” Dom asked, hefting her duffel bag onto her shoulder. Since the break-in, she was understandably paranoid about anything else going missing.
“He’s a guy, he needs another guy.” The man rubbed at his eyes. “Still blurry,” he muttered. Next to him the ghoul frowned before opening her bag.
“And Shiny disappeared before,” Twilight muttered. “Fine,” she conceded. “The princess said that he was being given his own room. It should be - ”
“God damn it!” They all turned to the ghoul who was currently staring at her bag furiously. “That rat did get something.”
“What?”
“One of my bottles of Quantum,” she growled. “That stuff is rare.”
“Pinkie, where did you get that?” They all turned again to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, the latter holding a glowing blue bottle.
“When did you get that?” Dom asked quietly. “How did you even open the bag?”
“When you weren’t looking.” The pink pony looked at the contents critically, uncaring about the stares directed towards her.
“Hand it over,” Dom said, holding a hand out.
“I just want a sip first.” Before she could get any kind of answer the bottle was opened and a whole swig had been consumed. Everyone watched as Pinkie’s face went from joy to confusion and then to disgust. She spat out what she hadn’t swallowed and started scraping at her tongue. “Too sweet! Too sweet!”
The ponies stared at the friend in alarm. “Too... sweet?” Rainbow asked, looking scared and confused.
“Never imagined you would find something you couldn’t handle,” Rarity muttered worriedly.
“It’s worse than that time I tried to eat a whole bag of sugar!” the pink earth pony exclaimed.
“Yeah, I’m not surprised you did that,” the blue pegasus dead-panned.
“I’ll take that,” Dom said wearily, grabbing the bottle and its cap. “Still enough for two, at least,” she muttered as she looked at how much was left..
Suddenly Pinkie’s stomach growled. “That’s not good,” she noted.
“Everypony, get back,” Applejack instructed, preparing to pull her hat over her face.
“Pinkie, dear, are you okay?” Rarity ignored the warnings and went closer to her friend, who had now doubled over and was clutching her belly.
“Oh no,” Fluttershy mumbled. “We need to - ” The timid pegasus got no further when Pinkie suddenly looked up, opened her mouth, and unleashed the half-digested contents of her stomach in front of her. Unfortunately, Rarity happened to be right in the line of fire.
“Never seen that reaction before,” Dom muttered as the unicorn began to hyperventilate.
“Oops,” Pinkie squeaked, looking worriedly at the friend she had projectile-vomited all over.
Rarity wiped at her face and stared at her hoof for a moment. Then she unleashed an ear-splitting scream.
Thomas had been led to the room Spike had been given. It was nowhere near as luxurious as the one he’d been spending his nights in, but he guessed it was more due to the fact that he was only two feet tall and still a child. He knocked on the door as Twilight walked away, still massaging her ears in pain.
“Go away!” a voice called.
“I just wanna talk,” Thomas replied calmly.
“Oh.” The door creaked open. “It’s you. I thought it was Twilight.”
“No, I convinced her that you needed a man-to-man thing.” Spike opened the door all the way, allowing him in. “You okay?”
The dragon shuffled on his feet uncomfortably. “I... I dunno.” He clambered onto his bed and sat on the side, his legs dangling off. “At first, I was upset, then I was realised that she was kissing another mare and...”
“And you had no idea what to think,” Thomas said, finishing his sentence. “Yeah, I kinda know what it’s like,” he added, sitting down next to the dragon.
“Why? Why did she kiss Rarity? Is Rarity even like that?”
“Calm down.” Spike looked up at him. “Veronica explained what happened, she was just really excited about getting a new dress. She was just as disgusted as Rarity.”
“Oh.” Spike seemed conflicted at that revelation. “That’s... good?”
Thomas shrugged. “Maybe? I have no idea. I’m no good with the emotional side of a relationship.”
Spike looked at him, making it clear that his eyebrows would have risen as far as they could, if he had any. “Then why are you here?”
“I’m good with personal emotions,” he explained. “And I’d bet a hundred caps that you’re pretty confused about a lot of things right now,” he chuckled.
“Yeah,” the little dragon admitted. “But I’m not sure I wanna talk about it.”
“I won’t force ya.”
The pair sat there in silence for a while. Eventually, Spike decided to break the silence. “Can I tell you a secret?” he asked nervously.
“Go for it,” Thomas replied. “I’m good at keeping things hidden.”
“I um... I have a crush on Rarity,” he muttered.
“Well that explains... Actually, it doesn’t explain anything,” Thomas mumbled. “Why?”
“Well... She’s beautiful, kind, generous, hard-working...”
“All right, you have a lot of reasons,” Thomas interrupted, not feeling like getting swamped under information.
“But I don’t know how she feels,” Spike muttered. “And what happened today...”
“How old are you, exactly?”
“Sixteen,” the little dragon replied. “Still a baby dragon, but that’s only physical.”
“You’re more mature than a lot of people I’ve run into,” Thomas commented.
“Thanks,” Spike answered happily. “Er, that was a compliment, right?”
“If I was insulting you, you’d know it,” the man explained. “Still, aren’t you a bit...”
“What?”
“Young?” Thomas finished. “I mean, Rarity would be early-twenties. I think.”
“I’m not worried about that. I’m happy to wait.”
Thomas looked at the dragon with a raised eyebrow. “But you’re worried about something else.”
Spike shuffled uncomfortably. “I’ve met a few other dragons. They were all... terrible.”
“Oh?”
“They were mean, selfish, self-centered, greedy, lazy...”
“Ah. I see it now.” Thomas sighed and leaned back. “It’s all about what you choose, kid.”
“Is it really that simple?” he asked, looked up at the man worriedly.
“Hey, I could have sided with the Legion. I could have become a mass-murdering rapist,” he answered uncomfortably. Spike looked at him with disgust. “But I didn’t choose that. You can’t choose how you’re raised, but you choose how you turn out. Do you want to be like them other dragons?” he asked.
“No!” Spike answered harshly, sounding insulted by the idea.
“Then don’t. Simple as that,” Thomas said with a smile.
Spike nodded, the little dragon taking in the deceptively simple-sounding advice.
When Thomas showed himself out, having put the young dragon’s mind at ease, he was surprised to see Luna there, waiting for him. “Hello,” he said cautiously.
“That was a very kind thing you did,” the alicorn said, smiling at him.
“You were eavesdropping on us?” the man asked uncomfortably.
“Well you certainly weren’t trying to be quiet about it,” she explained. “And I only heard the tail end of your discussion.”
“The little guy needed some reassuring.” Thomas shrugged. “I had to do something.”
“And I am glad you did. There are few things more worrying than a dragon not knowing what to do.” Luna led the man away from the room. “My armour was completed earlier today, during your little party.”
“Good for you,” Thomas replied, following the alicorn down the darkened corridors.
“Yes, I look forward to getting to the root of this problem.” Luna’s gaze hardened somewhat. “I’m still unsure of what to make of things, though.”
“You mean whoever forced that stallion to attack me?”
“Among other things.” Luna looked out a window at the starry sky. “I can’t help but worry that some darker force is at play here. The fact that it seems that you are being targeted indicates you are an unwanted variable, something it can’t account for. It wants to eliminate any chance of failure.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time. Got my hands on some NCR reports from just before the Second Battle of Hoover Dam. You know what I was labelled?” he asked. “Wherever I wasn’t called ‘Courier’ I was labelled ‘Wild Card’.”
“You were considered unpredictable, your loyalties unknown,” Luna mused.
“Even now, I’m only with the NCR for my own purposes. The moment they do something that isn’t good for Vegas, well...” He trailed off ominously.
“Should I be concerned?” the alicorn asked him, raising an eyebrow.
“What, that I’d betray someone who can put me through an agonising death with a thought?” he asked back, smirking at her. “No, I’m here to do right and stop this war. And there is no way I’d side with slavers.”
“I am glad to hear that,” Luna replied. “The idea of someone with your capabilities working for such individuals is... unnerving.”
“Hmm,” Thomas grunted in agreement. “If someone wants me, Dom and Veronica out of the way, there’s only one thing we can do,” he said, returning to what Luna had said earlier.
“Oh?” the alicorn asked, curious.
“Preemptive strike. Knock out as many of their resources and options as soon as we can.”
“You are suggesting that we take the fight to them, to engage them in territory they find familiar?” Luna questioned, not particularly enthusiastic with his suggestion.
“This war will end in one of two ways. Quickly and decisively, with minimal loss of life, or long and drawn-out, with hundreds of thousands of innocents getting caught up in the fighting.” Thomas stopped walking and turned to the alicorn. “I’ve seen what happens when you let the enemy build up their strength for too long. You don’t want to. Trust me.” Thomas fought off the memories of Nipton as he turned away and continued to walk.
“Thomas...” Luna called out weakly. She sighed as she turned and let him disappear. He was right. They had to act now. But how?
Fallout and pony goodness!
Nuka-cola for the win. But I prefer Victory.
Quantum and pinkie pie? If she didn't vomit all of it back out, she's going to have glowing piss for a while...
My guess it was the science. Pinkie's randomness and science don't mix well
if magic is radioactive then that quantum nuka cola super charged her.
I suppose we should be glad that the quantum cola didn't combine with her inherent pinkieness and turn her into a sentient grouping of imaginary numbers that exist at all points in space and time simultaniously.
Meanwhile in a parallel universe...
Man: *shifts uncomfortably*
Woman: What is it now, Twig?
Twig: I just got angry all of a sudden... As if someone vomited a completely good sip of Nuka Cola Quantum... You wouldn't happen to have a bottle of the stuff with you right now, would you Scarlet?
Scarlet: No. Get back to sleep, fatass Vault Boy.
2613756
Nuka Break?
2613833
...
The author's comment says 'the strontium-90 isotope'. What do you think?
2613680
I can honestly say that's the scariest thing I've read all day.
Remember, radiation is magic (or close enough) for the ponies. Maybe it was "magically" too sweet.
Yeah the isotope is right
I'd cut off my writing hand to give you its power if you would update quicker.
anyway yeah. I LOVE THIS STORY!
2613756 I read the "shifts uncomfortably" part as shits uncontrollably.
Everything I know is a lie!
2614122
My Little Fallout: Radiation is Magic?
2613465
Considering this is Pinkie we're talking about, she might actually find that highly entertaining and keep drinking the stuff.
I don't see why Pinkie reacted so badly to the Quantum. There's no way it could be the radiation or Strontium-90, isn't everyone used to that stuff by now? (Massive sarcasm intended) Though to be serious, this does bring up an interesting point of how well Wastelanders have adapted to eating irradiated food and drinking irradiated drink. They don't really have the bad sort of reactions like you'd see in non-wastelanders (like Pinkie here) I suppose we can be grateful that she didn't drink Fusion Cola, she would probably have died... or exploded.
Say, isn't a long, drawn-out war just the sort of thing that gave the World Wars such high death tolls?
...Yeah, the ponies should really avoid that kind of thing. I wonder if that's what Thomas had in mind with his comment about innocents getting caught in the middle of things, or if he was just referencing the NCR's recent campaign in the Mojave.
narwhaler.com/original/68/9/bonza-yarn-mate-cool-story-bro-689tH9.jpg
2616133
Seeing that magic is radioactive, it wouldn't be too ridiculous to assume that the ponies' food is to some degree radioactive depending on what it is. I can honestly see Pinkie baking something using a nuclear oven.
The way I see it, the strontium-90 would have decayed into a different element long before Dom ever found any bottles. I did find the name, but can't remember what it was right now. Either way, maybe it was that instead?
Or it could have simply been the completely ungodly amount of preservatives, given that we seem to see the ponies consistently eat fresh food.
As for Thomas's comment about a prolonged war, he's not too well-versed on pre-War history.
Oh god pinkie xDD
2616641 Oh, ok, that makes sense- few people in the Wasteland know pre-war history as it is, and he didn't exactly grow up in a vault or anything, did he? I doubt even NCR schools teach prewar history, they're probably too busy trying to relearn how to keep old tech running. Also, I do believe that Strontium-90 decays into Yttrium-90.
Drink the stuff? Are you crazy?! I always took the Mad Bomber Perk and made lots of good old Nuka-grenades. The stuff will cure what ails you when your enemies are making you sick.
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110211043710/fallout/images/9/9b/Nuka-grenade.png
Now we just need to wait for Pinkie to barge into his room at night screaming about how her piss is glowing.
2616641
looked it up. with a half life of 28 years, there shouldn't have been enough left in the bottle to make a diff.
2618758
Then it's the ungodly amount of preservatives and artificial sweeteners. I can't imagine that those would do someone who's only been around natural (and I do mean natural) ingredients their whole life much good.
Another dandy chapter
Nice chat with spike, was wondering how you would resolve that.
Real interested in what Luna wanted with Thomas, I'm still rooting for ThomasXLuna
Looking forward to more
2616641
Well, the Strontium Isotope 90 has a half-life period of 10 up till 1000 years, so that means, after a millennium there is still enough radiation to expect to make your life very uncomfortable... but I would say the most likely thing that happen was that Pinkie was just 'hit' by the shear amount of preservations which probably would have even replaced the water in the Nuka... but hell who cares, freaking good work ^^
My, my, my, what do we have here? A group that wants the ponies dead and the wastelanders gone that aren't extremely obvious? I Personally feel that the world of Equestria is going to change a substantial amount.
Now that I'm done using big words like an idiot, you done good!
2621938
I didn't want the villain to just appear and start declaring "The rule of the alicorns is over! A new age will rise!" It would be kinda awesome, but it's kinda lacking. An undefined villain with intentions unknown just really rackets up the tension. I've been dropping hints here and there, but I bet that when we get there it'll come as a surprise.
This can only end well.
Is the war going to last 6 days and be very one-sided?
2631558
Nah, more like seven hours.
I actually expected a more...explosive outcome, instead of
th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/155/1/8/excited_pinkie_pie_by_midnight__blitz-d5284mf.png
2631558
Dude... Sarge shot Caboose... Time to intervene?
2613680 It was ALWAYS Wankershim!
2631567 Humanity's grandest achievement: Lasting seven hours before complete conquer. Bravo, meatbags, bravo.
Why is there radioactive shit in a drink?
5485391 Because the people at Nuka-Cola are insane.
5485391 and frankly very stupid
5485391 it is in all nuka drinks the radiation added flavor I think and they could just take a rad away every day and be fine.