I Am Not Okay

by Script Singer

I'm Not Okay...

Darkness. That’s all I can see. I blink a few times and find nothing but darkness. I shut my eyes as I took a deep breath. I then heard the sound of crickets chirping and wind blowing.

I opened my eyes finding myself in a dark alleyway. My eyes grew wide in fear as I recognized this place. I quickly began running.

It’s just a nightmare, I’ll wake up! I think to myself.

I felt somepony pounce on top of me covering my mouth. I let out muffled screams as I felt myself being dragged deeper into the alley. I clawed at the ground, trying to get away but to no avail.

Wake up, confound it! I wanna wake up! I don’t wanna see anymore of this!

I felt him grab me and push me up against the wall and slap my face hard. I let out a whimper as I stopped screaming and just cowered in fear.

“P-please, just… don’t hurt me…” I stuttered.

Shadow Mane just let out a chuckle. “You know the drill, slut.” I felt my ears fold back as I felt him grab my throat. “You should’ve known I would come back for you.” He growled, grabbing me harder.

I then felt him press his lips against mine, and roll his tongue inside my mouth. I tried to push him away so I could breathe but he was too strong.

This is just a nightmare… I’ll wake up… I have to…

I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head as I felt myself begin to lose my grasp on him but finally, after what felt like an eternity, he pulled away. I gasped for air as I let out coughs as he let go of my throat. He then leaned close to my ear and let out a low growl and began to lick my neck. I then felt him move his hooves down my hips.

Oh Luna, please no… not again… Please let this be a dream…

He then leaned down towards my legs and-

---

I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs as I felt tears streaming down my face. I then curled into a ball and began shaking uncontrollably. After a few moments, I heard my door burst open, causing me to jump but I relaxed when I saw who it was.

“Script, is everything alright??” Ellie asked. When she saw me a shivering mess, she rushed over to my side. “Another nightmare?” I only sobbed and nodded my head in response.

Ellie gently wrapped her wings around me as she pulled me close to her. I clung to my blanket for comfort.

“W-w-why won’t they j-j-just s-s-stop…?” I hiccuped in between sobs. “I want them to just stop…”

Ellie hugged me tighter as she began stroking my mane to calm me down. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.” She whispered.

I pulled away from her and glared. “Why would you say something like that, it’s been three years and I’m still having nightmares!”

“You just have to be patient, Script. These things take time to heal from.”

“Well, I’m bucking sick of waiting…” I muttered. “I think I’m just going to take a hot shower…”

I slowly got up from my bed and walked toward my bathroom. I turned on the faucet and let the water run warm for a moment and stared at myself in the mirror. I saw the figure, Angel of Darkness appear as I felt tears stream down my face. I walked into the shower and just let out loud wails.

I’ll never forget what he did to me. What he took from me. I can never get that back.

The nightmare replayed in my mind over and over again. It felt so real. I couldn’t get it out of my head so I just got out of the shower and went back to my room and sobbed for an hour. Ellie fell asleep on my bed so I just curled up next to her. I pulled the blanket over us and I felt her put her wing around me pulling me closer to her.

“I promise you’re going to be okay.” She whispered. I felt tears stream down my face as I curled into a ball and continued to sob uncontrollably.

“How do you know that…?” I muttered softly. But she didn’t respond.

She doesn’t understand how hard it is for me… She doesn’t understand what it’s like for me… Tartarus, she hasn’t gone through what I have… None of my friends have…

They all just deserve someone better… They deserve someone who isn’t constantly paranoid… Maybe I should just finally end it… That way they won’t have to deal with me anymore…

I just shut my eyes and let my exhaustion overtake me.

---

The next day, I woke up to the sound of Ellie calling me down for breakfast. I slowly got up, not even bothering to take care of my bedmane. I walked down the stairs, not caring about how I looked.

“Morning Script,” Ellie uttered. “Sleep any better?”

I only let out a mumbled “blarg” as I sat myself down at the table. Ellie handed me my breakfast and a soft smile grew on my face.

“Honey Nut Oats, your favorite.”

“Thanks, Ellie, this means a lot to me.”

Ellie smiled and handed me a spoon. This was going to be the last time I was going to eat my favorite breakfast. I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could.

“I have a special surprise for you by the way,” Ellie added.

“Oh, what is it?” I asked.

“I signed you up for a talk support group for sexual assault survivors.”

I dropped my spoon on the counter. “You what??”

“Script, you know I love you like a sister. You need to talk about your problems with other people, I think this is a good idea.”

“Yeah, but you know how I get when I talk about it…”

“You need to get over that. I’m sorry, but it’s for the best.”

I only hung my head and nodded. “I understand, maybe you’re right."

I then got up to hug my friend.

Author's Note:

Sorry if it sounds a bit rough, this was mostly a therapy-written thing.

Comments

[Bronycommander]

I think you did pretty Well in writing this

[Script Singer]

11349957
Thank you!

[Bronycommander]

11350216
you're welcome

[Beware The Carpenter]

Is Script still having nightmares because she still hasn't processed what's happened or because she's terrified it might happen again and her subconscious is demanding she do something to protect against future threats?

[Script Singer]

11364947
I'd say the second option

[Beware The Carpenter]

11365118
So if Script was to learn martial arts for example that would lessen her nightmares?

[Script Singer]

11365190
Never thought of that actually, thanks for the idea!