• Member Since 13th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen 32 minutes ago

Script Singer


"All it take is a beautiful smile to hide an injured soul" - Robin Williams

Sequels1

E

What type of adventures do these girls have after the movies?

Sunset Shimmer has five new friends despite what happened at the Fall Formal. Rarity, Apple Jack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash forgive Sunset for her mistakes and take her in as a friend. But will she be able to let go of her past and fit in?

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Update 11-5-16: This used to have all the Equestria Girls Adventure stories in this one, but I decided to make them separate to not get people more confused.
Proofread and edited by atronosthelast

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 20 )

I'm definitely liking the idea behind this story, but I'm sorry to say that your style of writing keeps me from enjoying it very much. The frequent scene transitions are extremely choppy and the lack of description makes it both bland and confusing. This really feels like more of a script than a complete story, and I feel like expanding beyond the dialogue would make it much more readable. Dialogue's fine, but it can't carry a story on its own and I really think you need more. Try describing more things: where the characters are, what they're doing while they're talking, maybe how they talk, and other things like that. I noticed that you do a little bit of that, but I think you could definitely do more.

Grammar wise, you're pretty much fine, though Applejack's name is one word, not two, and she plays a bass, not a base. I also notice you use the word 'uttered' a lot, so you might try and change things up a little. Variety is the spice of life, especially in writing.

Sorry if all that sounded harsh. :twilightsheepish: You've got a decent start and I like the premise, but I really do think you could make this a lot better if there was more substance to it.

The idea of the story is good
But it does get confusing on how each scene is rush maybe you should slow down a bit for readers to understand the story
I do wonder what the romance tag is about?

7674961 You'll see... Basicly, I want to do one for every movie and its for the fourth movie so Currently, They are all in this fanfic, just need to be writen. Should I make them seperate?

7674759 Like I said with the other coment, this origonay used to be One fanfic instead of the siris together.

7674759 I do need an editor still for this so...

7676099 An editor would definitely be something worth looking into. Like I said, you've got a pretty decent start that could just use a little more polish.

7676130 Yeah, the person who helped me edit The Phoenix said she isn't very good with editing Equestria Girls stuff.

7676134 Well, there are several groups you could look at. Never used any of them myself, but might be worth a try.

I found the opening to this story very well thought out and very well written I am left wanting to see more and wanting to read lots more. This was a very good way to open a story. The characters are both believable and very well received I loved how each of them interacted with each other.

7676193 I wanted it to start off where the movies left off

7676197 Well I think you did a wonderful job on this please keep up the wonderful work and congratulations on such a good story.

7676093
No but make sure that each chapter isn't too rushed

7676292 The first one has time jumps through the Rainbow Rocks shorts

7676342 Sorry for the confusion. It origonaly was one EG movie, then the next, and so on. I used to have the time jumps in the authors notes but removed them

11-5-16 Note: I have changed this story to be a one movie fanfic (Each movie gets a separate fanfic instead of chapter)

Will you be doing a similar thing with the rest of the Equestria Girls movies?

7699316 By similar, you mean like the beginning part then yes. If that's not what you meant, then idk.

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