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Chapter 1 - Six Hoof Under2,155 words
Chapter 2 - The Trotting Dead3,347 words
Chapter 3 - The Fruits of Labour1,240 words
Chapter 4 - Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 60001,327 words
Chapter 5 - Doctor's Orders3,402 words

Chapter 5 - Doctor's Orders

"I believe a more important issue than the fact that you have fashioned her into a hat is the fact that she is still whimpering.”

One hour later, the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000 chuffed into the orchard.

“Well then Flam, we should get to work,” Flim told Flam.

“So many apples, so little time,” Flam agreed as he enveloped a wooden tub in a magical glow and levitated it under the closest tree.

“What now?” Hoof-to-Hoof asked, “We’re half a day behind schedule.”

“It says here that we go to the nearby stream to fill our canteens,” Tippy answered, wearing glasses and reading from a red booklet labelled “SIX HOOF UNDER - SCRIPT”.

“Tippy?” Hoof-to-Hoof asked as he turned to face away from her, “Since when could you read?”

“Stop!” Dr. Gluefoot snapped at Hoof-to-Hoof before Tippy could get kicked. He pulled out another booklet and flipped through before adding, “She’s right though, we should go.”

As the string reached a bare patch of land, Tippy plucked a map and blue crayon from nothingness, scribbled a rough line on the former and placed them back where she had found them.

Moments later, as they filled their canteens from the stream that had appeared, a pocket of boiling water moved upstream toward them.

*FWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!*

A pale green, horned drony emerged from the water, steam billowing from every hole in its bloated flesh. A high-pitched whistling sounded from the tip of the drony’s horn as steam shot out.

Hoof-to-Hoof casually turned to face the drony and let out a sigh. As he began walking toward it, he turned his head slightly.

“Tippy?” he asked, “Mind giving me a hoof?”

“Okay!” Tippy replied with a big grin. She then sat down and proceeded to gnaw on her leg.

“Proximal Phalanx,” Dr. Gluefoot stated without so much as turning his head away from his canteen.

“Urgh,” Hoof-to-Hoof groaned as he placed his right forehoof on his forehead. He paused before speaking a second time. “Scoutabout? Can you help me out?”

“Sure thing Hoofy I’ll be right there this reminds me of the time I was helping out my parents with clearing the sky of clouds but I wanted to make them all pretty shapes so I didn’t get much done and I got yelled at because I didn’t do what I was asked and-”

“Scoutabout!”

“yeah it was just like that how did you know I don’t remember seeing you on the ground when that happened didn’t you want my help with something why aren’t we doing anything why did you call me did you want me to give you a hug of course I’ll give you a hug I’ve been waiting for you to ask for a hug Tippy always wants hugs and I love hugs and I wanna give you a hug because you pretend to be grumpy and tough but you just need a hug.”

Scoutabout seemed to pop out of existence before reappearing above Hoof-to-Hoof and wrapping her forelegs around his neck.

“We need to kill this drony and I need your help,” Hoof-to-Hoof told the laughing Scoutabout as she buried her face in his mane. “Tippy’s too busy chewing her leg to do anything.”

“Proximal Phalanx,” Dr. Gluefoot repeated, his head still facing his already fully canteen.

Scoutabout pouted as she climbed off Hoof-to-Hoof’s back.

A moment later, she pulled a long, serrated knife from a sheath in her saddlebag and held it, blade forward, in her mouth. Her face formed a determined frown as she looked to the drony and declared, “Let’s do this.”

*...*

Scoutabout shimmered for a moment and put her knife away.

“All done now I’m gonna let you take care of the rest it’s no big deal how else do you think I survived all this time?” Scoutabout babbled as she trotted behind Hoof-to-Hoof.

The drony fell to the ground as it slid off where its legs had been severed.

“Buck... me... sideways,” Hoof-to-Hoof said blankly, letting his words trail off in shock.

“Not now Hoofy maybe later we have more important things to do it’s your turn to get at it I didn’t finish it off because you seemed like you wanted to have a go at it too and I don’t think you should miss out because Tippy wants to do something else.”

“Uh... Thanks.” Hoof-to-Hoof responded as he walked towards the legless drony.

*Voom-crunch!*

The drony’s body was sucked into the air and into the magically guided nozzle of the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000, where it was ground into a smooth paste and disposed of in a leaky barrel.

“Ya trying to get me to pay ya for almost killing me‽” Hoof-to-Hoof thundered at Flim and Flam.

“The drony was awfully close to you,” Flim replied.

“You could have gotten clawed and eaten to death,” Flam added, “or worse.”

“I was fine and ya almost got me ground up inta paste!”

“I remember saving your life. How about you Flam?”

“Your life was most definitely saved. I feel that we should be fairly compensated. It’s a dangerous world out there and not many ponies go out of their way to save others.”

“I didn’t need saving and ya didn’t bucking save me!”

Flim and Flam stopped smiling.

“Hey, friend,” Flam addressed Hoof-to-Hoof “Do you know what we do to survivors who don't pay up to our very modest services?"

"Liquified dronies work like chum, draws in the rest of the herd, they can smell the flesh... And then you guys will have a real problem with us." Flim informed.

Scoutabout shot out of her saddlebags and into the sky, looked around and replied, “There’s not another drony around for hours we’ll be fine there’s nothing to worry about.”

Dr. Gluefoot walked towards Flim and Flam, stopped and spoke.

“Stand back Tippy, they're not getting anything from us."

“Well Flim, it looks like we doing this the hard way.”

“Don’t worry Flam, it’s still easy for us.”

*Voom!*

Flim and Flam cast a burst of magic to power the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000, which promptly reached out its nozzle and sucked up Scoutabout.

“Hoooooooffffyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” Scoutabout screamed as she held on to the edge of the nozzle’s opening and flapped her wings as fast as she could.

“Buck, buck, buck,” Hoof-to-Hoof panicked, “Ummm…”

“Hoofy help I don’t wanna die just yet please help me.”

“Hay Doc, can you kill these marebuckers?”

Doctor Gluefoot pulled an apple from his saddle bag, took a bite and replied, “I can, but I can’t be sure it will help.”

“We’d need to shut off the machine,” Maregyver thought aloud as she glanced over the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000, “I can’t see any way to do that though…” She cleared her throat and called to Dr. Gluefoot, “I don’t think it’ll work. Although whatever happens now, I get a turn at them before you do.”

“Get in line,” Hoof-to-Hoof grumbled.

“Now is NOT the time for this guys I’m about to die remember?” Scoutabout yelled.

“I feel that it would be best to…” Zequa unsuccessfully attempted to strategise, “What I mean is that we need to…”

“It’s no good,” Flim taunted.

“You should have paid up,” Flam joined in.

“Scoutabout!” Tippy yelled, “I wanna huuuuug!”

Longrange pulled out his arrow threw it past Tippy.

The arrow caught of Tippy’s saddlebags and pulled her through the air. As the suction of the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000 pulled at the arrow, Tippy’s saddlebags came loose and opened, sending Tippy and her Wonderbolts lunchbox toward Scoutabout, while a shower of stones flew at Flim and Flam. The rocks pelted Flim and Flam, causing them to shield their eyes.

Flam opened his eyes to find an arrow lodged in the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000’s seat, less than three inches from where his hind legs met. He closed his eyes again as quickly as he could.

“Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggg!” Tippy called as she flew past Scoutabout and into the chute. The lunchbox followed its own path toward Scoutabout’s face.

“I love the Wonderbolts I had a lunchbox just like this one when I was a kid it was my favourite thing ev-”

*SMACK!*

Scoutabout and the lunchbox followed Tippy into the chute, causing stunned silence. Dr. Gluefoot contently continued to eat his apple in sheer disinterest.

*CRACK!* *CRUNCH!* *CRACK!* *SPLAT!* *SQUELCH*

A barrel was tossed out from the back of the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000 and landed with a heavy thud. A crack in the side leaked a red liquid with tiny white shards in it.

“Well that takes care of that, brother,” finalised Flim.

“Now we you’d please pay our fee, we can be on our way,” added Flam.

Hoof-to-Hoof slumped over in shock and began to weep.

“How could this happen‽ Ya said this couldn’t bucking happen!”

Dr. Gluefoot walked over to the barrel and began inspecting the liquid coming out.

“Hmmmm,” he pondered as he finished his apple, a frown on his face, “I wonder if I could…”

“It’s no good, Doctor Bluefort,” Flim called.

“They’re drony chum now,” Flam sneered.

“…be wrong‽”

A groan of pain sounded from the barrel.

Flim and Flam stopped and stared at the barrel in shock, which let out a second groan.

Maregyver flicked out a saw from her horn and cut a hole in the barrel with her magic.

“My… wing…” Scoutabout uttered before falling unconscious.

Tippy was sobbing as she held Scoutabout.

“My sandwich is smooshed!”

She stopped sobbing and looked at the base of the barrel. Seeing her lunchbox in pieces amongst chunks of the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000’s internal components, Tippy buried her face in Scoutabout’s mane and sobbed even louder.

Scoutabout stirred, semi-consciously called out, “Hoofy… Gluefoot…” and fell unconscious again.

“G-Gluefoot?” Flim stammered as Hoof-to-Hoof stood up and cantered towards her.

“B-but…” Flam began.

Dr. Gluefoot turned and faced the Flim Flam brothers, his eyes filled with rage. His voice took on a horrifying tone as he stalked up to the twins.

“So NOW you get my name right‽ You got it wrong before, but now that you’ve broken the wing of my… you’ve broken one of my… you’ve injured somebody because… you’ve injured someone without my permission, you finally get it right‽ I had no idea you were so stupid as to not try killing the children first! They usually can’t fight back and you just need to threaten them to get what you want from anybody. You are disgraces! You don’t even know how to get what you want with minimum effort! You should have left us to die before and THEN taken our things! You NEVER put yourself in any inconvenient situation unless the rewards are guaranteed! Just so you know, I’m confiscating these.”

“Confiscating what?” Flim and Flam asked in unison as Dr. Gluefoot’s horn began to glow.

*CRACK!* *CRACK!*

Flim and Flam screamed as their horns were surrounded by a blood red glow and snapped off.

Dr. Gluefoot took a couple of deep breaths, levitated the horns into his saddlebags and calmly walked over to examine Scoutabout’s wing.

“You’re lucky this was strawberry jam with the marshmallows,” Dr. Gluefoot cheerfully told Scoutabout as he bandaged her wing to her side, “Raspberry jam wouldn’t have made a good enough seal and Blueberry jam would have formed a deadly poison.”

“What about blackberry jam?” Scoutabout meekly asked.

“That’s just gross,” Hoof-to-Hoof chuckled as he stroked her mane.

Maregyver and Zequa sorted through the various pieces of the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000, giving themselves an idea of what would be needed to make repairs and modifications.

Longrange and Tippy were playing with Flim and Flam. Longrange would throw an arrow between their heads while Tippy showed off her skull. Flim and Flam sat through this whimpering from all of their legs being broken. Dr. Gluefoot had broken one leg before, to his glee, Hoof-to-Hoof reminded him that things were more personal for him.

“Unfortunately you won’t be able to partake in aviation-based activities for about a week,” Dr. Gluefoot told Scoutabout, “I’d heal it more properly now, but it is not a good time.”

“Don’t worry,” Hoof-to-Hoof told her, “I’m used to carrying Tippy around anyway.”

“Everypony,” Zequa announced, “I believe that we may be forced to camp here for tonight. We can tie up our… guests… until we can decide what to do in the morning.”

The string discussed the fate of the Flim Flam brothers over breakfast the next morning.

“I think we should let them go,” Maregyver said, “Without their horns they’re harmless.”

“They tried to kill us,” Hoof-to-Hoof countered, “That kind of mind shouldn’t be allowed to live.”

“Hoof-to-Hoof’s right,” Longrange agreed, “We should kill them.”

“Are you suggesting that the way Doctor Gluefoot thinks is a reason for us to kill him?” Zequa posed.

“I would perform pneumonectomies on them before they had a chance to,” Dr. Gluefoot answered. When he saw that nopony had reacted in horror, he added, “I’d remove their lungs.”

“They broke my wing and the inside of that thing is horrible I was worried that even Tippy could get hurt by that thing you saw what it can do to dronies I know Tippy is tougher than that but I was scared and ponies like that shouldn’t have something that dangerous I’m not saying we should put it in the hands of someone like Gluefoot and we don’t have a way to move it but you saw how sad Tippy was about her lunchbox and it was a nice lunchbox I think I need a hug.” Scoutabout had tears in her eyes as she reached the end of her spiel.

“My sandwich was smooshed!” Tippy sobbed as she remembered the events of the previous day.

“I think I’m losing my touch,” Dr. Gluefoot said dejectedly.

“Everypony has their reasons for their opinions,” Zequa spoke up, “whether it is mercy, anger, sadness or being a dangerously psychotic unicorn who causes pain for no reason.”

“I do have a reason,” Dr. Gluefoot interrupted, “Everybody needs a hobby.”

“Anyway,” Zequa continued, “They are powerless at the moment. I can’t agree to killing them, but we can’t just leave them to die.”

“Yes we can,” Longrange contradicted, “I’ll prove it later.”

“Agreed,” added Hoof-to-Hoof.

“You probably should have used the word, ‘shouldn’t’,” Dr. Gluefoot suggested, “You would still be wrong though.”

“I suggest that the not so good doctor should heal them while I assist Maregyver in repairing the device,” Zequa continued, “We will also need an analysis of the horns from both Doctor Gluefoot and Margyver so we can power it.” He turned to face Maregyver. “Is that okay with you?”

“It’s the best I can expect in this situation,” Maregyver conceded, “Doctor, can I have the horns please?” She grimaced at the prospect of what she was about to do.

“Fine, I suppose I can deal with that plan,” Dr. Gluefoot sighed as he tossed the horns to Maregyver, “They use their magic as an energy source. A single horn can work, but they are most efficient as a single unit due to the opposing polarities of their magic.”

“How could you tell?” Maregyver asked, “I thought you were a Doctor rather than an engineer.”

“I ate an engineer’s brain once,” Dr. Gluefoot explained, “so I gained the knowledge that they had. Well, twice.”

“Ah,” Maregyver responded, “I didn’t know that it could work like that. That’s somewhat impressive.”

“It doesn’t,” Dr. Gluefoot admitted, “I read their files a few years ago. Criminally insane if they’re under stress, complete acupuncturists otherwise. We saw them use their magic to power the machine previously, but their magic differs between them.”

“So you guessed?”

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t eat a brain?”

“That I did do.”

“Oh… Did you enjoy it?”

“I’m really losing my touch.”

“Yes you are.” Maregyver flipped out a tool from her horn that was the same shape as her cutie mark as she turned to face the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000 and enveloped it in a golden glow.

Three minutes later, the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000 was in perfect condition as Maregyver wiped sweat from her face with the cream-coloured glow from a handkerchief tool in her horn.

“Nothing like a good paperclip,” She smiled as she loaded everypony’s things onto the repaired machine. “How’s the medicine coming along?” She called to Dr. Gluefoot, who was out of sight.

“Good!” He replied as he severed the vocal chords of the twin stallions. Once he had finished driving nails into their hooves, he called out, “Finished!” and headed back toward the rest of the string, placing a roll of bandages at the base of a tree on his way.

Five minutes into their journey’s continuation, Maregyver powering the Super Speedy Snyder Squeezy 6000 with the radiation green glow emanating from her horn, Dr. Gluefoot announced that he needed to “expel a bedpan-full of faecal matter”.

“I was wrong,” Maregyver gagged as she flipped a small nuclear reactor back into her horn, “you haven’t lost your touch.”

“I won’t be a moment,” he said and he jogged behind a tree that was partially illuminated by short electrical flashes.

One minute later, he returned and calmly said, “I seem to have left a roll of bandages behind that I need for Scoutabout’s medical treatment.” He showed a bandage container with a roll missing. “Wait there and I’ll go grab them.”

“Someone should go with you,” Maregyver told him, “I’ll-”

“No,” Dr. Gluefoot cut her off, “You’re best left here in case of trouble, and I’m best not here to cause it for a bit. Work on that device you’ve been tinkering with, it looks like it’ll be a beaut.”

“But I-” Maregyver began, but Dr. Gluefoot was already running back the way they had come. Sighing, she pulled out her incomplete metal object and continued working.

“He’s up to something,” Longrange told her as she worked.

“How could you possibly know that?” Zequa asked as he heard Longrange’s doubt, “He has been somewhat valuable in concern to medicine and certainly knew what to do when we met the Flim Flam brothers.”

“Firstly,” Longrange began, “he didn’t threaten anypony. Secondly, he complimented Maregyver’s work.”

“Maregyver does good work,” Zequa defended.

“Yeah,” Maregyver added, sounding hurt. “I do.”

“I agree that she’s an engineering genius, is thinking of the best thing to do for others and, most importantly,” Longrange blushed, “that she’s agreed to introduce me to Sweetie Belle. But Gluefoot never compliments anypony. He threatens them and didn’t take the time to call somepony an idiot. He isn’t nice to anypony, except sometimes Tippy; he rules through fear.”

“I don’t think-” Zequa began.

“He can threaten CELESTIA, for Celestia’s sake!”

“Okay,” Maregyver considered his words, “You have a point. Let’s see if he’s got the bandages when he gets back.”

“Fine, but he’s not going back for bandages.”

Flim and Flam were roused from their unconscious state to find Dr. Gluefoot standing over them, levitating a roll of bandages into his saddlebags.

Flam wheezed in a fearful and confused fashion at the sight of Dr. Gluefoot while Flim began to hyperventilate.

“I have to admire the craftsmanship on the machine you had,” Dr. Gluefoot told them as he pulled an apple out of his saddlebags and took a bite, “I only have one suggestion about how you used it.”

Flim and Flam looked at Gluefoot in a curious manner, tears streaming down their faces and matting their blood-soaked facial hair.

*CRACK!* *CRACK!* *CRUNCH!* *CRUNCH!* *RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!* *RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!*

As he walked away with the two pony hearts in his saddlebags, Dr. Gluefoot turned to the twins' corpses, adjusted his glasses and said, “I wouldn’t be here if you had stuck with squeezing apples”

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MrNumbers

MrNumbers #1 · Nov 4th, 2012 · · ·

Okay, let's see.

My sandwich is smooshed!

Sigh of relief transmogrified into hearty laughter.

“So NOW you get my name right. You got it wrong before, but now that you’ve broken the wing of my… you’ve broken one of my… you’ve injured somebody because… you’ve injured someone without my permission, you finally get it right‽ I had no idea you were so stupid as to not try killing the children first! They usually can’t fight back and you just need to threaten them to get what you want from anybody. You are disgraces! You don’t even know how to get what you want with minimum effort! You should have left us to die before and THEN taken our things! You NEVER put yourself in any inconvenient situation unless the rewards are guaranteed! Just so you know, I’m confiscating these.”

I lost it.

“Everypony has their reasons for their opinions,” Zequa spoke up, “whether it is mercy, anger, sadness or being a dangerously psychotic unicorn who causes pain for no reason.”
“I do have a reason,” Dr. Gluefoot interrupted, “Everybody needs a hobby.”

I- Wha-