- Member Since 13th Apr, 2021
- offline last seen Saturday
GeekMaster101
Fan of Crossovers and Post-Apocalyptic Stories
GeekMaster101
Joined 13th Apr, 2021 ·
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He didn't even teach you how to talk. What are you talking about?
Did he teach you how to scavenge food?
No
Did he teach you how to spot dangerous creatures and either fight or avoid them?
No. Hanging you over a radscorpion one time for fun doesn't count.
If you don't even know how to talk then how do you know what books are and what written language is meant to do?
And so much edge, it'd be one thing if their dad was a raider or something and they were just a foal he'd captured.
I wouldn't go so far as to say the concept you have going on here is bad, but it's poorly executed and the internal logic isn't being thought out well enough.
10939514
Honestly, I agree with you. The first part of Bunny's backstory came out a lot more edgy than I wanted it to be. Also, I don't want to spoil anything, but trust me, Bunny's father is something much worse than a raider.
As for how he knew what books were and what written language does, I kind of rushed things. It's just that if I wrote it entirely from Bunny's perspective, it would end up too vague and the reader wouldn't even be able to tell what was going on. Because of that, I unfortunately had to throw some realism out the window and make it so that Bunny could tell what was going on, at least somewhat.
Thank you for the criticism. Every little bit helps me improve my writing.
10939560
I'd argue Bunny's nonverbal perspective would have been an intetesting place to go. You don't see stories that try to capture that kind of perspective very often. And depending on how it's done it can be really engaging.
But it would have been much harder to write and execute that perspective, especially for a novice. It's a little late for me to be making recommendations, seeing how the story's already being published, but I think it might have been easier on you as well as the readers if you gone ahead and started the main plot then slowly filled in his backstory as you went.
That way you could make the backstory as vauge or as detailed as you wanted and you wouldn't have had flaws like magically understanding the concept of written language so readily apparent to the reader.
10939579
Thank you for the advice! It really helps!
10939647
You're welcome
Why call the main character Bunny? That sounds like a girl's name to me...
11090574
No real purpose for giving him that name other than irony. Bunny is a hardened wasteland survivor who has no problems killing others if necessary, yet he’s named after an animal that’s both cute and innocent.