• Member Since 27th May, 2021
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

mina0fficial


I'm on DeviantArt, now! ^^

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Part of the Valiverse AU.
(Highly recommended to read the rest of the Valiverse stories (stories in my profile) for you to understand somethings in the story, especially about Sombra).

Twilight was going to be crowned the third ruler of Equestria, but she has her own worries. Specifically about her friends. So Celestia had a talk with her former student.

Takes place during the last episode
Celestia and Luna doesn't retire in my Universe. Twilight becomes the third ruler. Forgive me, but I am too attached to the Two Sisters. Constructive criticism is encouraged!

Mentions of:
- Pharynx x Luna x Sombra
- Thorax x Celestia x Discord

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 6 )

I would think the Castle would become a dormitory Annex to the School of Friendship, it's got so many unused rooms, and the map would start calling ponies again once the tree of Harmony recovered from haveing, Sombra destroy it's original body. I never bought it died, the roots under the school and the min-tree castle that grew from the element shards clearly show it grew beyond it's cave and it still kicking just not at full power, cause ya know trees can lose limbs and not die.

10858977
True, thanks for commenting!

You write a excellent Celestia. One line really did sound so much exactly like her that I wound up hearing it in her voice, so on that alone you should be commended.

Spike is also decently characterized for the brief bit he shows up. Their conversations and interactions feel like things they would actually say and do* so on that basis your fic is actually pretty good.

The problem (at least for me) is Twilight Sparkle herself. Twilight feels very simple in comparison in her thoughts and observations. The story is also a little too short and Twilight doesn't feel nearly as fleshed out as she could be.

It could be because really good introspection can be tough to pull off. It could also be because I wasn't the biggest fan of Season 9's conflict or characterization of Twilight Sparkle myself.

Still you definitely have talent in capturing character tones and movements. The trick is going to be formulating a story that can live up to that talent.

Discord insisted on being on the front row as it was his best friend Fluttershy and marefriend Celestia’s important day, and he knows them. So by his logic, he has to be on the front row seat).

That actually seems like fairly normal logic actually.


*It's worth noting that you have a line where Spike is still clearly crushing on Rarity, but later seasons have almost completely removed mention of his romantic feelings. It may just be a continuity difference (which is fine) but at the time of the final I can't imagine him rushing off to meet Rarity so energetically like he does in this story.

10860015
Thanks for the criticism! I'll try to edit/improve this story and my future stories!

10860175
No problem! :twilightsmile: Wishing you well in your future endeavors!

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