Celestia has long kept secrets from the rest of Equestria, but this has to be the biggest. Twilight and Applejack, have decided to try a job in The SCP Foundation's, research facility at the Princess' request. That proves to be a huge mistake. There are many things in this place. Things that nopony should see. Things that shouldn't get out.
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This is a crossover between SCP Containment Breach/MLP:FiM
I don't expect too much good feedback, if any, on this. If you do read, feel free to let me know what I can change or fix about this. Its my first time posting on here, I wanna know how to get better.
Constructive Criticism encouraged!
(I don't mind you telling me if this is crap, just don't burn me on a stake if you catch my drift.)
For those unaware of the SCP Foundation. Check this page out, it might clarify somethings for you.
http://www.scp-wiki.net/about-the-scp-foundation
SCP is weird at best. It has kept me up at night on several occasions.
I love SCP and this seems like a great start!
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SCP is a website dedicated to horror not seen since the likes of Lovecraft himself. Madness, malevolent cosmic entities, things that man (or pony, in this case) was not meant to know, and alien geometries that will drive you mad simply by looking at them.
I will definitely have to read this one later.
Did I notice a D-class in there?
106... 173... 682... 076...
Ponykind in its present state has been around for a quarter of a million years, yet only the last 4,000 have been of any significance. So, what did we do for nearly 250,000 years? We huddled in caves and around small fires, fearful of the things that we didn't understand. It was more than explaining why the sun came up, it was the mystery of enormous birds with heads of men, and rocks that came to life. So we called them 'gods' and 'demons,' and begged them to spare us and prayed for salvation.
In time, their numbers dwindled and our numbers rose. The world began to make more sense when there were less things to fear. Yet, the unexplained can never truly go away, as if the universe demands the absurd and impossible.
Ponykind must not go back to hiding in fear. No one else will protect us, we must stand up for ourselves.
While the rest of ponykind dwell in the light, we must stand in the darkness to combat it, contain it, and shield it from the eyes of the public, so that others may live in a sane, normal world.
We secure. We contain. We protect.
-The Administrator
Will there be a hard-to-destroy reptile? Nah, too obvious. How about that unusual coffee machine?
scp and ponies take away the uneasiness and scary out of all the SCP's
SCP-173 is a must.
Also, I want to see at least one containment breach. Because those are scary as fuck.
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Sall I can say... t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRl2_74u021TWHuknYLXdstmk0WNXavNo81ii6RxM3IWrItn3slOg
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If that happens, it'll be either 106, 076, or 682 involved. 106 will very likely kill them, 076 will be disgusted and kill them, and 682 will just do a primal roar of rage and eat them alive. Not very pleasant...
1231339
Or the worst possible scenario: 173, 106 and 682 all escape at the same time. Equesteria would be doomed.
1231418
But in one of the testing logs, it implied that 682 has an immense fear of 173, and 173 tried to kill it.. 106 would be the greatest fear, since he could trap them both in his dimension and spit them out. 682 can be tamed, as shown in a previous testing log.
The chances of them collaborating are astronomical, and undoubtedly 173 would be absurdly easy to recapture. His weakness is why he isn't Keter.
1231440
Who said collaborating? Just let everything loose at the same time and you got a disaster in your hands. Several Euclid and Keter class breaches and bam! Goodbye Equesteria.
Ever played SCP Foundation: Containment Breach? Damn that game is scary. 173 and 106 both appear and apparently 682 is going to appear in future...
1234356
Euclid aren't necessarily a threat, but it's dangerous. I'd say if every Keter cell broke, that'd be a problem. I got paranoid while playing after 106 rose OUT OF THE GROUND and killed me.
Take note that coming into this, I had a very limited experience with this particular crossover, and reading the comments only went to solidify my claims.
^That's what I'm talking about.
However, I can still point out the points that you can improve on.
What immediately caught my attention was your problems with sentences. I noticed in numerous parts that you seemed to struggle conveying what you were trying to say. One example is...
This sentence confused me to no ends. If I were writing it, I'd probably structure it a bit differently...
I'd write it like:
...the pony on the bed was fully awake, and apparently, in an immense amount of pain. A barely visible something was taking off pieces of his hoof."
I cut down a lot by adding and italicizing the word 'something', taking out the misleading stuff like 'what seemed to be like a claw' (which diden't really line up to the prior fragment of the clause or 'sentence'), and changing around the word positioning in different areas. A great way to make sure your sentences are making sense, is by...
A)Asking someone else to read it
B) Reading it aloud to yourself
C) Recording yourself reading the story, and then listen to the recording later.
Now I don't know if this is 100% professional advice, but this dialogue sentence, along with a few others, might be better off structured differently.
The sentence:
Normally, I'd write it more like this:
A sigh escaped from a purple unicorn.
“Princess Celestia requested that I come to canterlot. She didn’t really say why, but she did ask for me to bring a friend along.”
All I really did was separate your sentence, and then add a word or two into the dialogue. This, to me, looks a lot better.
another way you can write it is...
"Princess Celestia requested that I come to Canterlot." An exasperated sigh escaped from the purple unicorn. "She diden't really say why, bust she asked me to bring a friend along"
The final tip I could give you is on the theme of your story itself. You have to keep in mind that there are those out there like me, who have never played-or even heard of-this game before. Make sure that you explain anything and everything that needs to be explained about SCP for your story to make sense. What's more, to ensure a crossover's success, the writer must take the idea of ponies in the halo, COD, SCP... the world in which they're working in, and give it a unique twist to make it both stand out for those who are not familiar with said particular crossover, and enjoyable to those that are.
I'm very tired at the moment, so I'll wrap it up.
You seem to have a natural talent at causing suspense and horror. Even with it's horrid structure, I found myself cringing at the part with the claws on the hoof... this dark theme seems to be a good fit for your style of writing.
You also seem to grasp 'word economy', using just the right amount of words to explain a topic; yet at the same time, allowing the readers to imagine the scenes that you are creating.
For any budding authors, I always link them this document; it's a great 15 page how-to guide to trimming up your story. The origins of this document, entitled 'the Editors Omnibus', are from Equestria Daily. The document was written by Eqd Admins, and it tells you all you need to know before having a smooth enough story to get on to the prestigious sites homepage.
I highly recommend it; it's done wonders for me.
Good luck, and I'll tune in later to see if you've improved as a writer, or not.
~Syn3rgy
1239044
You apparently know what the hay you're doing. 
I'll completely take that into account. I knew some of, or most of my sentences were bunked. I should probably get someone to read it before I post it.
Thanks for actually skimming over it. I really appreciate the advice.
Time to capitalize on this. Thanks again.
1254645 Haha, NP.
I love helping others get off the ground!
~Syn3rgy
1779463 Eh.. I had a hard time explaining the sculpture's appearance because of how plain it is.
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110512190444/villains/images/thumb/5/5a/173.jpg/1000px-173.jpg
They have very similar behaviors though.
I seriously don't think celestia will let two ponies who defeated at least 4 keters be Class Ds.
1780672 What exactly do you mean? If you don't mind me asking, that is.
Am I the only one incredibly excited to see Dr. Bright. A) be a pony and B) actually be able to show his cutie mark?
Anyway, this is pretty good so far, and you did a good job describing the statue, its hard to describe honestly, now for "The Old Man" and eventually the suicidal coffin right?
1781194
Will means that Class D's are classified as deathrow inmates or scientist/workers of SCP whom have failed to properly do there job thus resulting in breaches or deaths of others.
Calss D is pretty much a death sentence.
Okay, this... was weird. Why would Celestia leave Twilight and AJ in position, where could be mistaken for Class D personnel? Not to mention, I would suspect that people involved in SCP Foundation would recognize the most famous mares, wielders of Elements of Harmony or at least ask something.
Then again, this all could be just elaborate hoax by Celestia to teach them how dangerous these things are.
1234371 The rankings aren't threat levels they are levels of containment difficulty, a box that can destroy the planet can be contained in a room with two guards, but memetic and viral hazards may cause little to no effect but be keter due to being difficult to contain.
This also needs the infinite pizza box, the portal to the kitten dimension, "A Key", Me the toaster, The self inserting character (Pfft what fourth wall), and the tickle monster to name a few under appreciated SCPs that are good/fun story ideas.
1781194 D-Class unless they have anomalous properties or show great skill are all killed after a month as they are considered test subjects.
SCP-173
Weeping Angels
Boos
Endermen
WTF, Creators?
1780672
No, only 1 definite Keter and 1 possible Keter.
The other 2 would probably be Euclid.
//BEGIN LOG//
I belive all Euclids and Keters shall be released to the Public of Equestria and let the Hostile ones kill all of them,Ponies will die and SCPs shall take over the f**King Kingdom of ponies!No ponies shall live,only SCPS can live, NO DOUBT, and please hang Celestia and Luna god we have f**king gravity and an Axis that makes the Earth/Planet of yours spin for 24 hrs an day!
-The SCP Administors
//END LOG//
2959975 Good luck rounding them back up. That should be fun to watch from hell.
I wonder if you will describe the certain procedures that even the SCP ethical committee (I know ironic huh) deems evil as all heck such as "procedure 110-mautauk" , or a pony version of scp 076-B. Man I love the SCP series, ooh ooh you should do one on the scp-610 that one is horribly nasty.
3732485 I was planning on tossing in a few SCP's no one has heard much about that are interesting anyways.
I'll definitely consider it.
2959975 And that's how the earth was made
I think tossing in scp-002 would be quite interesting to read.
This better have SCP-458.
2491317 SCP-173 was devised and written up long before Weeping Angels and Endermen were a thing. Just sayin'.
3732787 hey ...scp999... just to comfort them a bit ... just saying
3733297
Just saying eh?
well check this out... I say its a tie.
Weeping Angels VS SCP-173
I enjoyed this story! [I was great, but it seems as though SCP - 096 enjoyed murder as if it was just for enjoyment. SCP-096 is mentally unstable and is actually very docile until a living organism views it's face. It proceeds a mental breakdown for about 1 to 2 minutes before chasing SCP-096-1 (The one who viewed it's face)] <--- Unimportant criticism. Great story though! I can't wait for new chapters!
Twilight is already dead, when SCP-096 begins the chase he will go to the ends of the earth to catch it's prey. Nothing can save Twilight now, since nothing can stop him ( The guy took an anti-tank shell to the face and barely flinched)
Also I don't see how SCP-079, could unleash SCP-087 because it's a place and not an object, so unless they moved the entire staircase or the facility was built on it, it's not possible. Sooooo.... you might want to remove that.
3734267 To be completely honest. I had forgotten what 087 was. I'll have to do a bit more poking around to find the one I had in my head, but I'll definitely pull that out.
Good eye, by the way.
3739633 No problem, SCP is kinda my thing. Maybe he could instead... RELEASE THE KRAKEN. Jk but SCP-049 would be nice or SCP-058.
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What confuses me is that it was never said that Twilight saw its face.... or am I just unobservant to that part since I was dead beet tired? You see, I ran in front of a car.
3753423
Well since he did punch her, I'm guessing she did. SCP-096 doesn't go out of is way to get seen and is calm. But also he doesn't just smack someone(pony). He would first go into distress and slowly starts yelling than chase down said person(pony) that saw it's face. Taking down all obstacles in is way. He then decapitates you
"Don't blink. Whatever you do, don't blink."
That was good. You get a fav from me!
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True, True.... I have to say SCP-096 was written oddly. Sad that Twilight is now doomed. I can imagine her forelegs being torn of first though. He does not kill with a clean hit, he mutilates.
At least this fanfic does contain some good content, i like it!
what. twilight...?
106 next plz!