Congrats on your first story!

As your first story as your first critic I have to say it's an alright story. The ratio of this story is clearly a 6/10.

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Woo, I'm not a complete failure!

The girl in the picture doesn't look like Treehugger or Wallflower. Who is she?

Still needs a little polishing. Not sure why you left 6 places of enter gaps... couldn't you use

HR is what you call a break. It makes the fiction cleaner.

This animation looks something from adult website that we all know but I cannot say

Thats porn

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its wallflower she has a towel on her head.

Sequels involving breeding?

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Given the reception, probably not.
I'd love to tune up the writing so people don't feel so inclined to downvote it, but only one of the comments in here actually gave me any direction on that, so I'm led to believe that people just don't like my writing outright.

Sure, I could just give it another go, but without any idea why people didn't like it, I'd just be taking shots in the dark.