Hearts and Hooves Day for the Ponyville Blackmsith

by Parodyman64

Chapter 3

“I’ve gotta say, as far as theater experiences go, that was pretty sub-par.”

The bright sunlight seemed far harsher than normal coming out of the dark theater, blinding everyone as they exited the building. As the white faded into color, the vibrant streets of Canterlot came into view. The road was bustling with vibrant ponies dressed in snazzy outfits going every which way as they went about their business.

Celestia stopped just outside the theater and gave Parody the look of a mother scolding her child, “That’s because you slept through most of it.”

Parody looked affronted, “I slept through most of it because you put me in a silence bubble.”

“I put you in a silence bubble because you were heckling the actors.”

“It was boring!” Parody threw his hands in the air, and they began walking down the road together. “It was the pony version of ‘Romeo and Juliette’! They didn’t even die at the end; they worked it out through the magic of friendship.”

Nodding and waving to all the ponies that greeted her as they walked down the road, Celestia shot Parody a glance. “And how exactly do you know how the play ended? You were asleep.”

His mouth pulled up into a triumphant smirk. “You underestimate my ability to multitask. Such matters are a trifle to one such as I.” After a moment, he glanced to the side and muttered, “Quiet you.”

Celestia giggled. “Still, that was quite the noise you made when I woke you up.”

Parody frowned. “That’s ‘cause you startled me.”

“I tapped you on the shoulder.”

“I’m a light sleeper!” he crossed his arms and turned his head away. “Number of times I’ve been attacked in my sleep; you’re lucky I didn’t wake up swinging.”

Celestia giggled as Parody tried to save face. After walking down the road in silence for a few minutes, Celestia’s smile faded slightly. “So, how did you know they were supposed to die at the end of that play?”

Parody scoffed, “Oh that?” He waved his hand dismissively, “Those two star-crossed dolts are one of the weird universal constants across-” He paused and turned to Celestia, “Were they real here?”

She nodded. “They were nobles from the earlier days of Equestria.”

“Oh.” Parody blinked, “Wait, then why change the ending? Don’t tell me it’s ‘cause you ponies can’t handle a little death.” His mouth pulled into a mocking smirk.

Celestia shifted her gaze to him. Though her expression was neutral, there were all manner of emotions hidden within her eyes. “I just wanted to give them their happy ending, even if only in fiction.”

Parody smirk froze on his face. “Ah. Well, way to bring down the mood.” He relaxed his expression. “I take it you knew them?”

Celestia turned forward, her gaze slightly wistful. “I considered them both dear friends, and I regret it deeply that I wasn’t fast enough to help them.”

Parody nodded along to her words. “Oh. That sucks.”

Celestia blinked, not expecting such a blunt response. After a moment of silence, she looked forward, a soft smile on her face. “… Yes, it does.” She glanced back at the approaching Parody, a light smirk on her face, “Still, I wasn’t expecting you to be so blunt about it.”

Parody crossed his arms as they continued walking. “Hey, if you’re looking for sympathy, you’re looking at the wrong guy.”

Celestia nodded, “Oh, I know. Honestly, even that was more than I was expecting from you.”

“Really?”

Celestia’s smirk faded into a wry smile. “I don’t think she means to, but some of the reports Twilight sends about you make it sound like you have no heart.”

“Ouch,” Grinning wildly, Parody placed a hand over his chest. “That really gets me in the empty void between my lungs.”

Celestia giggled. As her mirth faded, she glanced around at the street they were walking down. They had walked a ways from the theater. Crowds of couple, and even a few small herds, walked about a wide city street decorated with all sorts of colorful hearts and other festive decorations.

Watching the pairs of ponies walk around, Celestia’s mouth twisted up in thought as an idle curiosity popped into her head. “Actually, I have a question for you, Parody.”

“What’s up?”

“What’s your type?”

“My type?” Parody arched his brow, “What brought this on?”

Celestia shrugged, “It’s Hearts and Hooves Day, after all. I already told you I like a partner that’s easy to tease, so I’m curious; what do you look for in a partner?”

“That implies that I’m looking.” He shrugged, “I don’t really have a type.”

“So anyone works as long as they love you?”

Parody frowned, “I mean, I guess that’s one way to put it, but that makes me sound desperate. Like I said, I’m not really looking.”

“So you’ve never thought about it? Not at all?”

Parody shrugged, “No point pondering the impossible.”

Celestia raised her brow, “You really think it’s impossible?”

Parody rolled his eyes. “Alright, let me try that again. My type doesn’t really matter, as I’m critically lacking in female acquaintances that can tolerate me behavior.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” He held up a finger, “Grand total of one.”

“Well, how about male acquaintances? No need to restrict yourself in pursuit of happiness.”

“Hmm.” Parody’s footsteps stopped, his face scrunched up as he lost himself deep in thought. He rubbed his chin in silence for a moment, before twisting his mouth into a grin as he glanced at Celestia, “You know, I just took a peek behind door number two, and you know what? It’s just as barren. Guess I’m just an unlikeable person.”

Celestia gave him a light frown. “I feel like you’re being to hard on yourself. It’s true that you may have…” Celestia trailed of as she grew lost in thought. “… Many traits undesirable in a partner, but-”

“Eh whoa whoa whoa! Hold on! You just tried to count my flaws, didn’t you?! And you totally gave up ‘cause there was too many!!”

A benevolent smile filled Celetia’s face as she placed a supportive hoof on Parody’s shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll find someone who loves you for who you are, faults and all.”

With a sulky frown, Parody slapped away her hoof. “I don’t need your pity.” He turned and stalked down the road.

Giggling, Celestia trailed after him, and eventually they were both laughing aloud, drawing the attention of the surrounding ponies.

“So,” after their laughter faded, Celesita once again turned to Parody, “what now?”

“You know, you keep asking me that as if I know what I’m doing. I don’t exactly-” Parody paused as he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. He stopped, mouth twisting into a smirk. “Hey, I know this isn’t exactly a ‘date-like’ activity, but how about that?” He gestured at an open plaza, prompting Celestia to glance at the large banner that stood at the entrance.

It read: Annual Hearts and Hooves Day Canterlot Cake Eating Contest.

“Oh?” Gone was the affable air that Celestia had carried herself with until this point. Now, she looked down on Parody as if she were a mentor looking down on her upstart pupil. Her mouth curled into a provocative smile. “Are you challenging me?”

Parody puffed out his chest and slowly swaggered his way up to her, a fierce smirk across his face. “I guess I am.”

“Me? Princess Celestia of Equestria? Raiser of the Sun? Known worldwide for her love of sweets?”

He nodded, “That’s right.”

Celestia briefly glanced at the venue. “You know, I’ve won so many of these things that they’ve actually banned me from competing.”

“Really? They banned you?”

“Well, it’s more they politely asked me to refrain from competing in the interest of fair competition…” She turned back to Parody, the very air around her burning with competitive spirit. “But if I’ve been challenged so directly, then I suppose I have no choice, do I?”

Parody crossed his arms, “Hmph. You know, I think I actually have a good chance a winning.”

“… I look forward to putting you in your place, peasant.”

“Bring it, wench. Your crown is mine.”

Full of fierce fighting spirit, they stepped into the plaza.

“By the way, I don’t mean your actual crown, I- I meant that as in, like-”

“No no, I understand.”

“Okay, good.”

Author's Note:

Hey, been a while. Really took my time, didn't I? I promise, I have a very good explanation for why it took me so long, outside of the usual "life got in the way" stuff (which it did):

I might have a bit of a reading problem.

After, like, five straight years of reading nothing but My Little Pony fanfiction, I started branching out into other books, and now, about 2.5 years later, I've spent about $9,600 on real books (and that's a conservative estimate)…

… I miss when reading was free.

Anyway, I'm back for now. I've got a little over half the next chapter done, and I'll try to finish it all this time (Story will end around chapter 7 or 8), though, with work and other things (other things being my crippling addition to literature) it'll probably take a little while, since I'll only be working on it in my spare time. It probably won't take me another year...

... Probably

Comments

[Fictionfan100]

Now you just need to update the main story and everything will be nice

[Parodyman64]

11152473
I gotta get this one done and outta the way first, but I do want to go back and continue the main story. I really do.

I've got the next chapter ("Lazy Saturday") all mapped out, and I've already got plans for the chapter after that ("Wherefore Art Thou?"), I just gotta make time to just sit down and chip away at those 'cause the main story chapters always, always blow up into much larger beasts than I intend them to be.

Still, I'm glad that even after two years of silence that you still look forward to more. I promise: It's not dead. I will get to it eventually. I've got like, 20+ chapters across 5-6 arcs all planned in my head, it's just a total pain having to write it all in chronological order.

[Bronzedragon]

Have you read the Black Tide Rising series by John Ringo?

[Parodyman64]

11174809
I have not. It seems to be highly rated though. Is it any good?

[Bronzedragon]

11174843
I think it is. Premis man made plague is turned loose [ real nasty one] man, wife, two Daughters get a heads up and try to survive. Can't say much more without blowing the story but if you like combat you'll like these books.

[Parodyman64]

11175033
Hmm. Well, I'm not one to say no to a recommendation. I'll put it on my wishlist. It'll have to wait a bit, since I've got, like, 500+ unread books that I've already paid for, but I'll read it eventually.

[NAH223445566]

Ya se está volviendo inclusivo.