Hearts and Hooves Day for the Ponyville Blackmsith

by Parodyman64

Prologue

*Schluuurp*

The sun shone down from the sparsely cloudy sky, lighting up the street as brightly colored ponies set about their business in pairs, talking, laughing, and generally having a good time.

*Schluuuuuurp*

A small café on the corner of the street bustled with noise as couples came and went, eating food, and enjoying lovey-dovey couples-only specials.

*Schluuuuuuuuuuuurp*

Amidst the sea of pastel ponies, a lone human sat at a terrace table, attempting to drink out of both straws of a couple’s drink to little success, the forcibly bent straws pulling at the edges of his lips with surprising force, thus decreasing the amount of suction force his mouth could produce.

*Schluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp*

Parody sat, one leg across the other, arm over the back of his chair as he gazed out at the crowd, watching overly affectionate couples mill about as he tried desperately to get his drink from out of the cup and into his mouth.

*Schluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp*

“… If yer havin’ that much trouble with that, why don’t ya jus’ drink from one straw?”

Parody glanced over at Apple Bloom, “At this point, it’s a matter of pride.” Though he tried to speak out of the corner of his mouth, it was still enough to free one of the straws. It whipped free from his jaws with enough force to fling dribbles of fizzy drink all over the table. “Aw, darnit.” He reached over and forced the straw back into his mouth.

*Schluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp*

Apple Bloom shook her head, “Anyway, that’s why I can’t hang out with ya today.”

Parody shot Apple Bloom a confused look as he pulled the drink away, the entwined straws clattering around as they were suddenly released from his maw. “What do you mean ‘that’s why you can’t hang out with me?’ You didn’t explain anything. All you said was that you already have plans today. That’s it.”

Apple Bloom gave him an unamused look, “And that’s all yer gonna get. I ain’t gonna tell you my Heart an’ Hooves Day plans when yer jus’ gonna make fun of me for ‘em.”

Parody set the drink down on the table and leaned back in his chair, hand press against his chest over the silly cartoon face printed on his shirt. “You wound me. Do you really think so little of me that I’d make fun of an honest girl being true to her feelings?”

“Yes. I’ve known ya long enough to know that’s exactly what ya’d do.”

“Well, you got me there,” Parody shrugged and attempted to take another sip of his drink, to no success. “Well, there go my plans for the day. What should I do now?”

Apple Bloom shrugged, “Why not go on a date with somepony? It’s Hearts an’ Hooves Day after all.”

Parody quirked his brow and tilted his head with an exaggerated smirk, “Me? Go on a date with someone?”

“Ah figure if ya get yerself a special somepony they’ll fix that crooked personality of yers.”

Parody threw his head back and laughed. “Fair enough. Well, since Fluora isn’t here for me to drag around, who should I go out with?”

“I dunno,” Apple Bloom shrugged, “Who do ya like?”

Parody gave her a blank stare.

“Right, stupid question.”

Leaning back in his chair, Parody flicked the straws around as an idle expression crossed his face, “Well, if I’m gonna be in the market for a significant other, what should I be on the lookout for?”

Apple Bloom rubbed her head awkwardly, “Well, uh, I dunno. Somepony ya just… click with?”

Parody smirked, “Someone I click with?”

“They’ve gotta be somepony ya don’ mid hangin’ out with.”

“Obviously. It’d suck to date someone you hated.”

Struggling to find words, Apple Bloom continued. “And, uh… I guess it should be somepony around yer age?”

Parody raised his brow, “‘Close to my age,’ huh? Well, that narrows my options considerably.”

“Alright, look,” Apple Bloom glared at Parody, “there ain’t exactly a guidebook fer this-”

“Actually, I think I saw one in the library.”

Apple Bloom slumped in her seat, exasperated, “Then why are ya asking me?”

Parody smirked and leaned forward, “I think you know why.” At Apple Bloom’s frown, he laughed, “Aw, don’t be like that, you’ve given me plenty to go off of anyway. Besides, that book’s probably been checked out anyways.” He leaned back in his chair, “Still… ‘someone I click with, that I don’t mind hanging out with, and is close to my age.’ Reviewing the data, I can only come to a single conclusion.”

Slamming his hands on the table, Parody stood up and declared, “I’m going to Canterlot to date Celestia!” With that, he took off down the street, leaving behind the fancy couple’s drink that was as full as when he first got it.

Apple Bloom was left flabbergasted. “… What?! Where’d ya get that from?!”

Author's Note:

(edit) I totally forgot about this silly little omake:

A couple minutes after Parody leaves, Apple Bloom's date shows up.
"Oh, you already got us a drink? Cool." *Schluuuurp*
Apple Bloom: "No! Wait!"

Comments

[Even Evil Has Standards]

I just love Apple Bloom's reactions.