The Twi'lek

by Gallants

Luna

"JOIN US!" A woman's voice yelled as the branch tightened its grip, vibrating as something climbed up towards me. I threw my right hand down in a panic and drew my lightsaber I slashed wildly behind me and fell forward before I smelled the burned wood, "NO!" her voice was now mixed with Mallory's.

I woke up clutching at my throat only to meet gauze, "Sweetie, you're awake, I woke up when you knocked over your bedside table a-and you were choking on blood and there was so much coming from your neck, I got you here as soon as I could," mom had thrust herself onto my bed and clutched me. "What is happening? You get abducted and you're not even safe at home," I wrapped my self around her, her warmth was welcome.

"I don't know what's happening," I told her, "but I do know only the princesses can help me now," leaning back into the bed only one thing came to me, "Don't let them give me anything, I need to stay awake," I mumbled out before focusing on the ceiling. Mom gave me one last squeeze and a kiss on my forehead. I focused my mind and entered a serene state, I could feel the whispers of the force surround me, I could feel it work away at the knots that had developed through my muscles.

I discharged myself from the hospital the next morning and made my way to the palace. The guards were kind enough to point me in the direction of Princess Luna's room, standing before her door brought my purpose of being here to the forefront of my mind, I reached out a clenched hand and knocked on the door.

Author's Note:

Sequel here, https://www.fimfiction.net/story/491656/student-jehsa-kor-ann. Currently working on next few chapters.

Comments

[Thomlight Sparkle 1]

Poor Sasha, I hope everything's okay.

[Gallants]

10695822
You'll have to wait for the sequel to find out.

[Thomlight Sparkle 1]

10695828
Oh. I didn't realize that was the end. Oh well, I can wait for the sequel

[Gallants]

10695829
I felt this was a good ending area for it, and I have another project I'm working on. Star Wars again, but completely different and a little out of my comfort zone.

[Thomlight Sparkle 1]

10695830
Oh boy

[Darth Wrex]

Sequel?

[Starlight Nova]

My name is Sasha, I was told my parents were a human woman and a Male Toydarian.

If Sasha is twi'lek, then shouldn't one of her parents be a twi'lek?

[Gallants]

11267484
She was born out of wedlock and her mom married a Toydarian before her sensitivity, she wasn't told about both biological parents just the ones she has memories about.

[tkepner]

11279522
Instead, they made the sentences hard to read.

If you want to simulate fast action, then short rapid sentences does a much better job. Mixing up the subjects of the sentences, as if the speaker is panicked and jumping from subject to subject instead of concentrating on one thing, adds to that feeling of action.

This isn't just my POV. Professional writers will tell you the longer a sentence is, the longer it takes someone to understand the sentence. They can even get lost and have to re-read the sentence. Short sentences take far less concentration, and are read faster, making it seem as if the action is very fast.

[tkepner]

From "How to Write Action Scenes That Thrill Your Readers" by Joslyn Chase, from a lecture given by the best-selling thriller writer James Rollins.

"White space is your friend during action scenes. Use terse sentences and short paragraphs. Increase the tempo, make it punchy. Keep your reader breathlessly turning pages. It's a good idea to vary the pace, too. Scene after scene at breakneck speed becomes tedious, and a predictable pattern of slow/fast/slow/fast is just as bad."

[Wagooigi]

11345683
Didn't see the color and just found that out sorry.

[Gallants]

11346151
It's ok I understand and I apologize if I came off as aggressive, I have issues with conveying tone over text.

[Wagooigi]

11346155
That's ok I Know what you mean it's why I prefer talking face to face instead of texting.