Still Life
Juicy Traditions
by Celefin
It was early evening when I finally pulled into the driveway of our little cottage. It still felt a little strange after having lived in the city for so long, but the flat just wouldn’t do anymore. Time to move on. And damn, had I moved on. More than I’d ever imagined and in the, so far at least, weirdest way possible.
The setting sun bathed the little thatched house on the coast of Anglesey in golden light and glittered on the sea in the background. The fresh late spring air carried the scent of salt and marram grass. Late spring on the northwestern tip of Wales could be a magical time.
When I entered the low door of our house, I could hear my better half rummage around in our living room. Just as I dropped my backpack there was a solid clunk and a sound like an angry sparrow kicking a seagull. I sighed.
“Glitter? Need a hand?”
I’ve come to love the sound of claws and hooves on a wooden floor. Glitterkelp stuck her head around the corner and grinned, a little unsure.
“Uh, hi! I think I’m done! But thanks!”
“What are you doing?” I asked my birdhorse.
“Creating a still life!”
“That sounded heavy,” I said and had to chuckle.
“Well… I found something that reminded me of home! Have a look?”
It was, well, interesting. You see, Glitter is an artist, body and soul. She’s the main reason we now lived out here, because her muse didn’t come to her in the city. At least not often enough, given that her art has begun to be in demand, enough to provide an actual income. Original paintings by a hippogriff painter are still pretty rare here on Earth after all. Her style is also lovely and unique.
Anyway. She’d moved our little coffee table in front of the window facing out to the sea and put some kind of small furry hide on it. It was also groaning under a green monstrosity of a fruit I’d never seen before.
“What.”
She chittered nervously. “It’s a catfruit!”
“A what?”
“Catfruit! Uh, no, I think it’s called jackfruit. But it looks like a catfruit!”
“What about the tin?”
“That’s also cat- jackfruit. Because I got hungry when I saw it and I could eat it immediately! Also, light plays nicely on a tin!”
And of course Glitter didn’t have to waste time searching for a can opener. Those claws are sharp, I can tell you. I think I have some scars on my back, from when she hadn’t figured out yet just how thin human skin is.
“And… why?” I scratched my neck. “Also, what is a catfruit?”
She smiled that radiant smile that only she was capable of. Mind you, smiling with a beak is something that never gets old to see.
“I found it in the small asia shop, they only had three of them,” she said and patted the enormous green blob. “It reminds me of home! Catfruit grows in the forests on the lower slopes of Mount Aris and some of the other islands in that part of the world!”
I’d of course heard about that place, probably a thousand times. I still like to hear about it though and imagine how I maybe could visit there. Not much chance of that happening anytime soon though… the Equestrians don’t just let anybody through the portal. Least of all tourists, for now at least. So it was going to stay mythical to me for now, and that is always a good basis for a story. And if Glitterkelp is anything, apart from a professional and enthusiastic painter, she’s a great storyteller.
“Are you listening?” She enquired, tilting her head by ninety degrees.
“Yeah, sorry. Why’s it called that?”
“Okay! When hippogriffs first settled there, there were predators on the islands that looked a bit like Earth tigers, just smaller. But faster and nastier. And they could fly! Glide. And spit venom!”
“Sounds nasty.” I made another mental note of another Equestrian species to avoid should I ever go there. The whole planet sounds like a tuned-up version of Australia with added magic. So far I hadn’t dared ask about Equestrian spiders.
“Almost as venomous as the emerald fang spiders!”
Sigh.
“But faster!” She ruffeld her wings for emphasis.
“Okay. So what’s with the-” I did a double take. “Seriously?!” Her sheepish grin and blush confirmed my sudden suspicion. How do you blush through feathers? Never mind. Focus on that… dead cat on the table. That actual dead cat.
I facepalmed. Slowly, and with both hands. “Glitter?”
“Uh. Okay. Maybe not my best idea. But I got into the zone and needed the perfect prop and then at the side of the road there was… uh…” At least she had the decency to look embarrassed. “Sorry.”
You learn to adapt to many things when living with Glitterkelp. So I just sighed, took a deep breath and smiled at her. “Okay!” That sounded almost as chipper as her.
She gave me a long look.
Sigh.
“You’re right. Not okay. I can see you put a newspaper under it at least. You're forgiven.” As always. “What’s the story?”
Another one of those wonderful beak-smiles.
Have I mentioned I love her to bits? I love her to bits.
“Okay! Those tiger beasties gave everybody who wanted to build a home on the ground a really hard time. And having to shapeshift and jump into the sea ten times a day gets really annoying when you’re trying to concentrate on building a hut I’d imagine!”
I looked at the fruit-smothered roadkill on my coffee table. “I think I get the idea.”
“Gripping and throwing a stone isn’t half as easy as doing so with a big fruit! At least for us.” She flexed her claws for emphasis. “Also, they’re already above ground! You can pluck them from the tree in flight!”
I tried to picture the scene. Straight out of a cartoon show.
“Time’s a bit wonky between Earth and home, but around now is the catfruit festival, when most of them are ripe at the same time.”
“Please tell me this one here was hit by a car and not by that fruit.”
She looked guilty for a second.
“Glitter?!”
“Nononono! I couldn’t find a live one on my way home! Just this one.”
“So… you actually drop heavy fruits on catbeasts on a kind of country fair on Mount Aris?”
“Oh no. They’re extinct.”
“I wonder why.”
“Hm.”
Glitter looked over her shoulder at the painting she’d started. The ocean in the background looked a lot warmer than the one visible out our patio door. Her wings and neck feathers drooped.
“Hey,” I said softly and put a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll put it in a bag and in the fridge tonight and you can work on the picture tomorrow. How about I make us some dinner? I got some fresh turbot on the way home.”
She turned around with a little squeak. “Aw, really? You’re spoiling me!”
“Only the best for my fluffy girl.”
The best thing about hippogriff hugs is the chest fluff.
“Can you cook with jackfruit?” I asked.
“Mmm, I think so. Tastes and feels almost like catfruit as well! I’d prefer it as dessert though.”
“Is it very sweet?”
She curled her tail around my legs, reached backwards with her left arm and speared a piece of canned fruit on a claw. “Mmhm.” Looking me into the eyes she ate it and slowly licked the juice off the talon and the corners of her beak.
I had to smile. “Glitter?”
She grinned at me and hugged me tighter, tracing a claw up my back.
I felt a bit warm.
She put her beak next to my ear and murmured, “It appears it also works on hippogriffs just like catfruit.”
“Dessert it is then,” I gave back with a smirk.
“Definitely,” she replied in a husky voice.
I stroked her back and drew small circles over her wing joints, making her shudder with half-lidded eyes. “Now get the roadkill of our coffee table.”
I really do love her. Antics, sharp claws and all. Ow.
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What a lovely piece, Very nice.
10283072
Thank you ;)
A lovely story. You have that ability to make Equestrians feel authentic and genuine.
10285222
Aw, thanks!
All the hyppogrifs are clinically insane.
I like it.
10287567
Glad it came across as intended then.
And thank you. :)
Okay, I really liked this. Didn’t catch on right away that she had an actual dead cat as a part of her still life, but why not? Can’t get much stiller than that, and you wander down the right roads and you can get them for free.
The relationship the two of them have . . . man, there’s a lot of subtext there, and I love it. This stands as proof that Iron Author gets good results, and it’s surprising what we can come up with in those circumstances.
I do have one very important question, though--does Glitter sell her paintings?
Hippogriffs are mental. I love it.
10294129
They are... constantly had a kind of high-pitched chitter-chatter in the back of my brain while writing Glitter ;)
And thank you.
10288447
Very true. Also a pelt would be much more difficult to get - she's just being, uh, pragmatic.
I also think their relationship is quite interesting. Was fun how it emerged in those two hours (to be fair though, this is something that got a little bit of polish here, because the original didn't read quite the way I wanted it to). And yes, Glitter sells her paintings. That's why they've moved out to a place that speaks to her nature and also part of the reason they were able to afford the moderate investment it required.
Have a birb. (by Assasinmonkey)
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/84c16b73-6995-4caa-a35e-6825f60f2851/ddzlq1t-2eba7af8-6d24-4c4d-bbab-cd464291fe99.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOiIsImlzcyI6InVybjphcHA6Iiwib2JqIjpbW3sicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvODRjMTZiNzMtNjk5NS00Y2FhLWEzNWUtNjgyNWY2MGYyODUxXC9kZHpscTF0LTJlYmE3YWY4LTZkMjQtNGM0ZC1iYmFiLWNkNDY0MjkxZmU5OS5wbmcifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6ZmlsZS5kb3dubG9hZCJdfQ.NCF2f_bSIEmPReXzl9ZKESklTFja6Sv8KeGLFuIYyno
Lovely! You certainly understand artists. I can name half a dozen off-hand who have picked up roadkill to take home. (Most usually boil and flense the caracssses for the skulls and bones.)
Well that was nothing short of hilariously adorable.
Hey I really liked this, cute and sweet and a bit... saucy. Hippogriffs seem to have a lot of spice and personality, and you captured that.
Could've done without the dead cat (that's just me, bear in mind), but it was pretty good otherwise.
Aussie here, can confirm!
10341100
Yeah, "I couldn’t find a live one on my way home!" is giving me a bit of a bit of a minor crisis on how to handle this. It's otherwise a nice story, the author's written other things I've enjoyed, but I still wonder if I should give this one of my rare downvotes, and possibly also unfavourite those other stories of the author I've favourited.
...I'm also wondering if I'm misinterpreting the line, given no one else's commented on it, but I don't really see another way to interpret it besides this supposedly sympathetic character looking for random cats to murder for "art", in a story just tagged "Comedy" and "Slice of Life".
...Aye, sorry, Celefin, but while I might change my mind with an explanation, which I do hope you'll provide, I think I do need to downvote this story.
...And unfavourite those other stories; I'll leave them upvoted, since their quality isn't changed by this, but I kind of don't want to read your work anymore.
I really hope this is just a misunderstanding.
edit:
...The more I think about it, the more I want to actually go so far as to make you the first person I've blocked here, but that seems premature; I'll wait to hear the explanation, and keep hoping this is a misunderstanding.
I am, for instance, remembering an incident with me and a rat that gave a friend, when only part of the explanation had been delivered, a feeling that I'm guessing might be similar to what I have now.
I think I'd better stop thinking about this for now and go do something else. Though I still hope you'll reply soon.
edit2, because I've been having trouble getting my mind off it:
...I don't think it'd be as bad if she was a gryphon, or something, because then it could be more a matter of predatory instincts guiding mindset. Still... iffy, at best, that she apparently only didn't act because she didn't see any targets, but... not as bad?
Hm.
Well.
While we haven't seen much in the way of predatory behavior or heritage from hippogriffs, that I'm remembering, in this story's universe, they do have those sharp claws.
...I don't know.
...To be clear, most of my issue here could be seen as a tagging one? If this story was "Dark", so there was fair warning of this, or "Random", so there was warning not to take it too seriously, or the like, well, that'd probably be fine. But instead it's here in what looks like something lighthearted, just kind of... dropped in there.
10287607
But I'm guessing you didn't intend "dangerously insane, and involuntary commitment to a secure facility should be considered".
Sorry, this is just really bothering me and kind of derailing my day now...
edit3:
Okay! Admiral Biscuit very, very kindly helped me get unstuck, so I feel like I'll be moving on now. His hypothesis was that Glitterkelp was planning on using a live cat, which... looking at the line's context, I'm not sure of, but it seems to be enough to let me move on for now. I still hope to get an explanation, and hopefully refavourite those other stories and maybe even upvote and/or favourite this one, but I've already lost an hour to being stuck on this and I have a lot of other things I need to get done.
Sorry about all the bother. Er, probably. I'm guessing you're not actually taking a "murdering random animals and/or peoples pets for art is cool" stance and I'm still misunderstanding something, but that's still the most natural way I'm parsing the text...
10342002
First of all, thanks for at least spelling out why you downvoted this, that's pretty rare. You're upset you wasted ten minutes of your life on something advertised by a popular author as lovely and cute that unexpectedly made you upset. I get that and I can respect that, I've been there. Trying to somehow threaten me with repercussions of some sort is a step too far though... not sure what kind of response you hope to provoke with that.
Anyway.
As it is written from the not entirely reliable perspective of Glitter's boyfriend, you don't get to see her thought process, which is all over the place. She's a good person who would never, ever, mash someone's beloved pet. Doing that wouldn't even cross her mind - what did cross her mind was that bit of history she associated with the situation. That made her a little bit ashamed (because human expectations and moral values can be really, really difficult to gauge for a literal alien) before she decided that there was nothing to be ashamed about. All in a matter of a few seconds.
My headcanon has coastal pegasi eating fish in addition to usual vegetarian pony diet, batponies being opportunistic insectivores/carnivores (see Nightline, or real horses for that matter) and both Griffins and Hippogriffs being carnivores or at least omnivores. They are part eagle, with sharp beaks and sharper claws. At the very least, they will defend their territory aggressively - which this hippogriff tradition I made up in five minutes is all about. Their ancestors defending themselves against against hostile fauna while trying to settle on an island. Considering some current human traditional festivities, dropping fruits on paper targets (or whatever they use) seems pretty benign to me.
It never crossed my mind that this story could actually be a trigger for someone with a bad personal experience and I'm honestly sorry about that. I'll add a warning to the description, but if my headcanons seriously bother you, it is probably for the best if you indeed unfollow me. I hope you can at least appreciate that I've put some thought into this response, which is why it's taken so long.
10340401
10340581
10340961
Thank you!
10341100
I've noticed this rubs some people the wrong way, yes. Apologies.
It initially also rubs the narrator the wrong way, who's owned a cat or two in the past. (who died of old age, don't worry)
But thank you for reading.
10341339
You guys should be the first to get tourist visas to Equestria, I'm sure pony visitors to Australia will testify to your calm in the face of eight-legged, poisonous martial arts capable predators. Like, okay, these critters also have magic... so what?
Also: Vegemite.
10342216
"First of all, thanks for at least spelling out why you downvoted this, that's pretty rare."
Oh, you're welcome. And yes, I use that button very rarely, and as far as I recall I've always included an explanation.
(Incidentally, the only other author I specifically remember downvoting, with that story actually still having that downvote, is now one of my favorites overall, not just on the site, and as I recall we had a good conversation about the downvote after I left it.)
"Trying to somehow threaten me with repercussions of some sort is a step too far though... not sure what kind of response you hope to provoke with that."
...Er. I'm not sure what you mean there, though? Sorry? I do not perceive anything I said as having been a threat against you.
"As it is written from the not entirely reliable perspective of Glitter's boyfriend, you don't get to see her thought process, which is all over the place. She's a good person who would never, ever, mash someone's beloved pet. Doing that wouldn't even cross her mind - what did cross her mind was that bit of history she associated with the situation. That made her a little bit ashamed (because human expectations and moral values can be really, really difficult to gauge for a literal alien) before she decided that there was nothing to be ashamed about. All in a matter of a few seconds."
Ah! Thank you very much! Okay, good, that explanation makes sense, and I think I can go ahead and restore and add the favourites and upvotes and such. :)
"My headcanon has coastal pegasi eating fish in addition to usual vegetarian pony diet, batponies being opportunistic insectivores/carnivores (see Nightline, or real horses for that matter) and both Griffins and Hippogriffs being carnivores or at least omnivores. They are part eagle, with sharp beaks and sharper claws. At the very least, they will defend their territory aggressively - which this hippogriff tradition I made up in five minutes is all about. Their ancestors defending themselves against against hostile fauna while trying to settle on an island. Considering some current human traditional festivities, dropping fruits on paper targets (or whatever they use) seems pretty benign to me."
Thanks! And for the additional details. :)
"It never crossed my mind that this story could actually be a trigger for someone with a bad personal experience and I'm honestly sorry about that."
Apology readily accepted; I'm well aware that wasn't a usual sort of reaction you might have expected, especially now you've explained what you meant. I'm still kind of surprised no one else seems to have interpreted the text that way, but my concerns have been addressed.
"I'll add a warning to the description, but if my headcanons seriously bother you, it is probably for the best if you indeed unfollow me."
Oh, thank you, but no worries about that; that wasn't the problem I had. ...Hm. Aye, looking the warning you added, I don't think you did understand the issue? Well, I hope the warning might help someone else, but I hope you don't find it a problem there; you could remove it as far as I'm concerned, though.
To try and hopefully explain better... your headcanon and worldbuilding isn't what I had a problem with here; indeed, I don't have a problem with any of the events of the story as you've now described them. It's about one particular small bit of text that, to be honest, even knowing what you meant, still kind of parses in a bad way for me. I mean, I can kind of see how the text fits with the meaning you gave, but... I'm still not entirely sure why, if that's what was going through her head, she specifies that she couldn't find a live one.
So, basically, I don't have a problem with what was actually happening, but the text in that particular bit did, and to an extent still does, not give me an accurate understanding of what was actually happening, instead giving me the impression it was far worse.
"I hope you can at least appreciate that I've put some thought into this response, which is why it's taken so long."
I can, and thank you for that. :)
I apologize for the trouble I've caused here, and it sounds like any offense I may have inadvertently given. I'm glad it does looking like the core incident is indeed not a problem, though, and just the peripheral things, if them, remain to be cleared up.
edit:
Oh, and thank you for writing. I did enjoy the story apart from that and its effects, and can now regain that enjoyment. :)
edit2: ...Actually, I wasn't following you before this. Well, let's fix that...
10342319
Good to hear I could clear that up.
And thanks for the follow.
10342223
You're welcome, no problem.
10342563
Aye. :)
And you're quite welcome! :)
10342319
I read that as her wanting to express
“Nononono! I only brought a dead cat because I couldn’t find a live one on my way home! Just this one.”
albeit with a poor choice of (leaving out) words, wide open for misinterpretation.
10363616
I don't see how she would have used a still live cat in that art piece, though?
[shrugs]
Sorry.
Thanks for the input, though.
soloquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Motivational-Quotes-Stay-Amazing.jpg
Hm
Personally I would have preferred that the warning would mention it was a cat. I get quite a different response with cats than other animals.
So... are they married, just "shacking up", or is it a matter of "would be married, but bureaucratic nonsense with her extra-planar origin prevents", or what?
11781183
I think it's the latter, but it's so far out of the ordinary (yet) that they don't really care. But I never thought that far tbh.