A hundred and twenty years have passed since humanity almost completely vanished from Earth and the world moved on without it. Today, on an archipelago off the northern tip of Scotland, there is a small town that has been repopulated by a peculiar little herd of equines.
Its young leader sets out to carry on his father's legacy, as difficult as the old pegasus' long shadow may make it for him. Life is harsh on the northern isles. The aftershocks of the magical transformation event are about to make it interesting as well.
A side story to Starscribe's fine work The Last Pony on Earth.
Since chapter 16 the story is edited by Doppler Effect and Fistfire. So is the beginning up to and including chapter 3 by now.
Cover art by the amazing quiet-victories.
Interesting concept, but if I am reading this right, are some of the others on the island decended from horses? Like actual horses? The first chapter confused me in that regard.
6327803 Yes. Starscribe suggested that hoofed animals, especially horses, will develop the same concepts such as culture, speech, etc. as in the show somewhen in the next few hundred years on their own, yet much faster if in close contact with equestrian ponies.
I took the liberty to speed up that process again by placing the story in a very confined place on earth full of stone circles, legends of magic and of mythological creatures from 5000 years of continuous settlement and simply declaring this an important factor. I like the idea of magic concentrating in 'natural foci'...
So yes, after some decades 'Scapa' did indeed take a mate from the tribe that had formed around him and what you' are seeing are halfbreeds, all with the genes of that one lone pony from the beginning spread out through 4 or 5 generations. Those most resembling our ponies also increasingly live longer. They'll never turn into real ponies though, that only happens to humans. No cutiemarks either and only a fraction of the magical abilities, if at all. As in an 'earth pony' may be somewhat better at farming than the others... maybe securing that the one yearly crop doesn't fail. Not producing 5 or 6 crops a year.
The mate wasn't his 'stepmother' he met in the prologue. She'd have long been dead of old age (for a fjord pony) by then.
I liked the idea of the resulting conflicting and conflicted characters, especially since all the other groups on the islands are normal horses descended from normal horses. Also, what will happen when they increasingly encounter real ponies? The Stromness herd is also the only one that uses English, the others use a more recently developed, simpler language of their own.
I'm aware that I'm pushing canon by trying my little thought experiment. If it's deemed too much then I'll just have to move it to the non-canon folder, though absolutely everything else here will be 100% canon.
Nonono, this is good, keep going.
6328117 Thank you! The next two chapters are mostly done but still need a lot of editing. Don't have much time on my paws, so slow going. But steady ;)
6327939 Fair enough. I was just making sure I was reading it correctly. I like the general setup though. This is the first "Next Gen" piece of PAP fiction I can think of actually, so it's a nice change of pace to see a story in the universe (for me at least), that isn't just "OMGWTFBBQ I'm a pony now so let's go preserve what little tech we have." Granted I might be oversimplifying there.
Either way, I look forward to seeing the next parts.
Huh. This is pretty sweet. You dragged me into the world with ease and man I want to see more about what Dawn has to face. And the perspective of the closed world... Damn that's even more terrifying than just coming back to die alone in a remote location. His father must have been frustrated and/or bitter something fierce.
And I still have the urge to cinema sins these stories... You start at -1 sin for being Next Gen
6330201 Thank you! You just made my day. +5 writer's motivation.
It's pretty much what I had in mind when I came up with Scapa, yes.
So... I'll do my best to keep those dings infrequent ;).
Well damn. Issues certainly fill this family. Understandable issues too. Scapa left a massive shoe to fill and legacy, without actually fully explaining how the two are supposed to work. And if I read that right, Scapa (and possibly Dawn) to the fjords is like a microcosm of alicorns to ponies. Much longer lifespans when compared to them.
I really hope Dawn has enough pony in him to fly. But considering his father never discovered the trick... Then again Dawn is running on the idea that 'Dad was hurt and is too crippled to fly', rather than Scapa's 'I was never meant to fly' mindset.
And because why not.
Brothers are a dick to younger privileged brother cliche. *ding*
Also, you missed at least one apostrophe. I wasn't really looking, but I spotted it. [“He was adopted?” Dawns ears perked up.]
6343038 Now there's a good catch... That alicorn comparison never occurred to me, but you're right! Thanks for that one. I think we can safely assume that Scapa utterly rejected 'going pony' in any way. I guess it didn't help that there weren't any others around.
Can Dawn fly? Who knows.
Come on! He's not exactly privileged, is he? At least not a whole lot. Yeah ok. A little. And Solstice isn't mean, he's just, well, being himself I guess. So they are not uniformly mean. That's got to count as only a half, non-bold *ding*.
*pouts and goes hunting for that stupid apostrophe*
This feels a lot smoother and better thought through than your initial effort in this universe, enjoying it a lot more.
Getting better!
6349708 Thanks, I'm trying. Did you mean the first two chapters with 'initial effort'? If so, I wholeheartedly agree. I think I had to drag myself into my own worldbuilding first ;)
And I needed to shake off the rust... it's been two years since I wrote anything and almost ten since I was really active. 'Springtide' really made it easy for me. I already love her.
6349783 Err.
Please ignore most of that comment.
For some reason - I had you down as writing 'Seattle Seapony' - main char called 'Cala'.
I should not post while asleep.
6349793
I left a lot of comments on Seapony, maybe that's why? Hope you still enjoy this one though ;)
Chapter three, four and five are in various stages of completion. Sleep well!
Now, I know you're distraught and all, Dawn. But seriously... there are far better places to consider practicing flying from. Rolling plains. A gentle slope of a grassy hills. From a tree top. Off the tallest building in town as an eagle cries and a bale of hay waits down below. Not the cliff over the tossing angry seas with jagged rocks waiting. Very dramatic and all, but not good for flying practice.
And secondly; please... stick to English. Buidhe is far better at it than you are with New Whinney. For shame. Keep her around to help you practice maybe?
EVERYTHING WRONG WITH NORTHLAND; WESTERN SEA CLIFFS: FLIGHT IN 250 WORDS OR LESS.
SPOILERS.
(OBVIOUSLY)
Seagulls are dicks to ponies. Not a sin, but we felt the need to point it out.
Hero zones out while staring at the attractive potential love interest. *ding*
Scene does not contain a pony lap dance. *ding*
Hero makes a fool of himself speaking a second language cliche. *ding*
Oh, also; Hero considers trying to learn to fly in one of the most dangerous places to possibly try to learn to fly. *ding*
(This is actually kinda fun... XD)
6353809
Seagulls are dicks to everyone. Seriously. They steal your sandwiches out of your hand, they terrorize you just because and they usually try to shit on you as well, not necessarily in that order. And they always laugh at you afterwards. Dawn only suffered one out of three. Lucky pony.
Also, good flying suggestions. Give him a break, he tried all that for years and wasn't exactly in a terribly rational state of mind. Hmm... could of course have ended the story right there in style. Blaze of glory and all that.
Maybe he was just happy to finally find a native speaker? He did try right after, didn't he? Also I like Buidhe, he doesn't get a say in that.
It's kinda painful, actually. Am I the only one who'll get this treatment? Anyway, do continue.
I think I avoided a whole bunch of *dings* because of your efforts though and the chapter became a lot shorter but also a lot better: I cut out the already half-written obligatory, mediocre dramatic dream sequence that does absolutely nothing for the plot. So... sad thanks?
6354018 Nah, I'm gonna start going it on all the Side Stories I pay a whole lot of attention to. It's because I love you. Remember too, sins aren't necessarily bad things. It's often all the things I laughed at and appreciated in the story. Sorry if it seems mean. I do it because I care. (Honestly, it took a while to find all those, and it was being nitpicky on little things.)
I'm waiting for Bluey to actually get his story out so I can start on him! Him I'd be doing to be a slight bit mean. Just a bit. But I'm mainly doing it for friends who hopefully won't take it badly.
And I give him all the breaks. Robin's first flying attempt won't be pretty. At all. I consider Robin an idiot for going it. So does Jade.
6354143
Constructive criticism is never pleasant but always helpful. And your cinema-sinning is a novel way to deliver ;)
So it's not mean. Mean is saying 'you suck and your story sucks'.
The only thing that really irritates me -apart from Herring Gulls- is the immediate (max 5 minutes) additional downvote 'Northland' gets every single time I update it. Maybe it's a Herring Gull. Should be a way to prevent your story being bumped to the main page under 'updated stories'... still, I'm happy. Expected a 50/50 ratio for something this far out.
As I said, I actually changed the chapter because of your last sin count. The dream sequence was melted down to one sentence at the beginning of the chapter and had a lot more impact on the scene than the original two dramatic pages could have had by leaving everything up to the reader to imagine (or not, if so inclined). Best advice for authors: kill your babies (Figuratively. Mostly. Well, don't have any!). Your comments are already changing the story because you add a new perspective. Writing with radio silence gets frustrating and also limits creativity in my experience.
So... do go on please. Will I regret this statement? Probably.
Will I ever be able to write responses of less than essay length? Probably not.
Addendum:
I want to read about that. Soon. Pwetty pwease.
6354263 I'm working on it. I am horrible at writing feels and the next chapter should have some in it, so it's slowing my writing even more than usual. I've been dancing around actually working on it. Worse since I have the entire chapter detailed and literally just need to write the thing. It doesn't help that I kinda packed a lot of stuff happening into the chapter and I'm not ready to go multi chapter days yet... maybe I should. *sighs*
6354322 If I can have some light hearted action from Limestone, you can have some feels from Northland.
And you should go multi chapter. I broke this one up because it feels right and gives a real break for the change of scenery to come, even though the timeline isn't progressing much more than the usual '***' hour or so. Hence the next won't be a 'Dear ---' but another one like Sea Cliffs.
Hopefully you'll get over that block and maybe just fill some crap into those chapter details. As the saying goes, 'you can't edit empty pages'. The final version of 'Dear Mother' had very little in common with the first one. Thankfully.
*settles down and waits for more Alategus adventures*
Interesting that Buidhe seems to have picked up some Scots Gaelic (and been given a name in it) as well as English and the tribal language.
I wonder if there was another survivor that Scapa never met that taught her or her tribe?
I really like Buidhe. She has a good head on her shoulders, and she seems pretty wise, even if she doesn't have Dawn's book (umm... loose sheets?) smarts. And she seems to be good for Dawn. The kind of support he needs.
The little snips of
worldisland building are good too. The packs of feral dogs (wonder what happened to them since...) the limited resources and the work arounds with the peat fires, the cultural development with the communal baking. It's neat stuff. Future anthropologists (umm... hippopologists? No, no... anthropology can still work as a term) would have fun tracking the development of the different societies centered around the colonies.And I can't tell if Dawn is innocently flirting with her or not. It could just be me, since I also 'noticed' a few innuendos. I kept them out of the 'sins' though.
Maybe I should rename this Reading Pins, since it's stuff I'm just poking at.
EVERYTHING WRONG WITH Northland; Western Moors: Pathfinder IN 300 WORDS OR LESS.
SPOILERS.
(OBVIOUSLY)
Heather Loofah *ding* 1
Also, discount Irish Spring *ding* 2
Privelaged child is upset with what his privelage gets him *ding* 3
You're not wrong *ding* 4
If this were France, Portagal or Spain, that would be the appetizer. *ding* 5
Shame, Dawn. Your mom taught you not to talk with your mouth full. *ding* 6
Potential love interest has previously unmentioned connections in neighouring political structure *ding* 7
Watch all that hard work in the Discount Bathtub go down the drain... Er... you know what I mean *ding* 8
Ship Baiting *ding* 9
Not sure if coming on to, friend zoning or teasing... all of the above? *ding* 10
===========
Sin Total: 10
Sentence: Apologizing to foals
I'm sorry it took me awhile to read this story, I've got a backlog. I'll comment as I go through the chapters.
I do wish to say that this prologue was a brilliant introduction to the situation. The way the colt was shown reacting, among other things, really touched me with the genuine feeling behind them. Certainly an excellent show of transformation confusion and shock.
So, just back from a family gathering that filled the whole weekend... and I had an unsettling experience. Phone broken and wireless out. Huh. HELPOMGCIVILIZATIONJUSTENDED!!!
Actually, it was kinda nice. Quiet. Should do more often.
Nobody turned into a small horse though.
6371713 Thanks so much for the praise, it means so much! After writing the prologue I almost regretted my plans of not just continuing there. Almost. Scapa still has a prominent role though, even if not in person.
6369904
I love to write her. A side character who waltzed in an messed up the whole plot.
Heh.
I put a lot of time into building the little island. I think you can use much more detail in this setting since it's so self-limiting.
Author happy 'cause done his job right.
Ding 1,2,5,8
9,10? Heh.
Ding 7 (Mane Effect? Sorry, weird brain is weird). Anyway, that ding was intentional. I went into it with both eyes open! Because I love this.
6368429 Was wondering when someone would mention it :)
First of all , I love the sound of it and it fit really well.
Hmm.......
***
This story is only outlined in some detail so far, not actually written yet. So the author might still incorporate ideas or opinions. In fact, it's already happened once.
First off... Seriously. We need to find more groups to put our stories in. They are seriously underrated. And what's with that 15 to 7 rating? Seriously. There is nothing in this story to warrant 7 dislikes. Your world building has been superb, your emotions and story tell have been good too. *grabs a random Fimuser and shakes them* What is wrong with you ponies!
*exhales heavily before clearing his throat, straightening his tie and brushing his mane back into place.*
Sorry about that. I had a moment.
Anyway. I like Moor. He and I, and Robin, and likely Duncan, would get along. All forward thinkers. His plans with the mice were awesome. Feed them. They feed the cats. They risk being eaten if they lurk in the wrong places, they risk it slightly less in the right places. I figured cats were going to be his solution though. Cats are awesome like that.
Buidhe and Dawn nicely knocked the smug out of Moor though. It was hilarious to read. So Dawn has better New Whinny than Moor?
Seriously though, Scapa... what did you do? Jeeze, you're like a pyramid scheme operator. Get everyone riled up without having anything behind it. No plans at all? Sheesh. The love hate his kids have for him is understandable. So much would have worked better if he actually got a committee or general chat session in place.
One thing I wasn't clear on, are newcommers immigrants? Or returning eventees? Wait, I found my answer. Never mind.
EVERYTHING WRONG WITH Northland; Dear Brothers - Moorland Song IN 1200 WORDS OR LESS.
SPOILERS.
(OBVIOUSLY)
It took four days to get around to reading this. This is a sin me, not for you. Really need to find a way to lower this count... *ding* 4
Does Moor know this is a church despite their having only been one former human on this island for the last century? Or is this just for the reader's benefit? Either way... *ding* 1
Well someone's been in the thesaurus lately. Not even my third year geographic writing professor spoke like that. *ding* 2
Luxury rodent accommodations. Get a room now before the housing boom passes you by. *ding* 3
Father figure skimpy on the positive reinforcement cliche. *ding* 4
From what I've seen, you probably should have. *ding* 5
So do I. It seems like a whole lot of things could have gone better if he just sat down with his kids and said 'now sons, here's why I'm doing what I do, and here are the parts I expect you to play. Let's not let everything descend into a soap opera now'. Of course, his sons might ask 'what's a soap opera', but at least they would be communicating. *ding* 6
Moorland is probably one of the few ponies to use that term. I understand his pain. *ding* 7
Well, Father caused the issue thanks to his stellar communication and planning skills, Solstice is sweet, and Harvest is a dick to Dawn. *ding* 7
I'm not too proud to withdraw a sin. Moor's still a jerk to his younger brother, but not a dick. That's reserved for Harvest right now. *bing* 6
To be fair, I'd probably laugh too, but then give him a hoof. Hindsight is both 20/20, and has a mean backhand. Also, seriously, Scapa. You're just racking up all the points. *ding**ding* 8
See? Even Moor agrees. I know I liked this guy. *ding* 9
Being the younger brother sucks. *ding* 9
You missed a space. No, I'm not gonna sin it, just pointing it out.
I can picture Moor having an hidden archive with dossiers on everyone, their secrets, motivations, intentions... *ding* 10
I'm just gonna start saying 'Scapa...' for all these moments. *ding* 10
Well, if you weren't so busy being a jerk to the 'Chosen One', you would have realized the 'Chosen One' would have rathered pick someone else. *ding* 11
'It'? Really Moor? *ding* 12
See? Even Buidhe is sinning you, Moor. *ding* 13
She's only known him for a few hours and even she realised it. Did you ever, I dunno, talk to Dawn about your issues? Communication is a big issue in this family... Also, Mr. Theasarus ran out of words. *ding* 14
'Them'? That's tribalist. Also, you forgotten a while back. No s *ding* 15
Mother is allowed to be distaught, but heaven forbid the child does! *ding* 16
Scapa, Moor. Just Scapa... *ding* 17
Scapa was a politician. Dawn, and I suppose Moor, are bureaucrats and administrators. *ding* 18
Arrogance. *ding* 19
Aw, man... they got some of the Equestrian ponyisms too, even without meeting one. *ding* 20
You're being schooled by your little brother. You did say he needed to assert himself and be a better leader and such. *ding* 21
Don't. Knowledge is power. *ding* 22
Ah, so close to the 'I actually don't want to be the leader' epiphany. Granted, I noticed Moor was more right hoof pony material a couple paragraphs in. *ding* 23
Wait... Moor's New Whinney is worse than Dawn's? *ding* 24
===========
Sin Total: 24
Sentence: Sailing on a hundred year old fiberglass boat.
Just thought I'd get out what came to mind during the reading of these first few chapters, before I went further.
This is a story about big ideas. They're very, very interesting ideas too. The idea of pony hybridization with native species, the conflicts that would naturally arise when comparing a species with so many supernatural advantages to those without these advantages, the cultural differences inherent in their starting species, ect.
I saw you worry in one comment that you were overreaching for the setting, and you absolutely aren't. Some of the years might be a bit off from what I imagined, but that's a little thing that shouldn't distract from the relevance of the story.
I wish I could say it was all sunshine and roses, though. I can probably tell you exactly why things were so rough with the starting sections of this story, readers-wise. I'm going to respond exactly as I would want someone to respond to a story of mine: with constructive criticism. If I didn't think the story had some serious potential, I wouldn't bother.
I think the biggest problem I have with the first few chapters (the earlier parts of the story are far worse offenders than the later sections) is that the story seems to be following the mantra Tell, don't show. The story had lots of big ideas, but instead of trying to communicate many of them in the course of the story, I felt like I was being beaten over the head with them in the form of endless paragraphs of narration.
It isn't as though the "story" parts of the story were badly written; far from it! But just as I was starting to care about what was going on, we would go back to narration and be told about something in the past, or about some political thing or some setting detail, and the "flow" of the story would come to another grinding halt.
In general, a good ratio to live by is 1 line of narration for every 3 lines of action or dialogue, per chapter. You can have some "telling" intermixed with your showing to communicate the really big ideas, but avoid it everywhere else.
I hope to see more of this story. And I will, I've got more to read! But as the story moves forward, I hope to see more of the story. Big ideas are great, but only to the degree they're woven into the story. We simply don't care about how things are going with the tribes of horses until we see them, or see their impacts on the main character and his tribe.
That's what's made the story so inaccessible for many; they hit these huge narrative blocks (particularly after the intro, which was relatively free of this sin), and their little reader cars choke up on too much gas and stall.
For me, the ideas are good enough that I'm interested to see where we end up anyway, despite whatever faults.
6391124 Thanks for that elaborate comment, its always great to have someone take that much time to write what amounts to a mini review! It is very much appreciated. I'll respond in kind since I'm unable to not fill a comment section with pages of text ;)
And I agree with you on every point. The story is indeed very much listing to the 'tell' side, something I personally don't like to read either except for when the setting is very interesting and I want to know more about that. But I chose it anyway because this started as a thought experiment, and the world itself and a dead person are the main characters. Emphasis on chose.
Dawn, Buidhe and Solstice are currently fighting over who'll get to be the main protagonist in the present. When that's settled they'll complain to me about too little screentime. I'll try to be accommodating.
I tried to break the exposition up into chunks by having the characters remember the things on triggers and only the parts they could know. I think it made it better, but the main problem persists of course. It's not engaging, it's more of a remembered history lesson. I still like it though. I understand fully if most readers don't.
I have a plot file that is large enough to be a whole chapter all in itself. Dear Plot? In part it reads like a peer-reviewed scientific paper because, well, it's what it amounts to and something I have experience in writing. I wrote in a blogpost that I'd actually have been happy with a 50/50 ratio of like/dislike and I did it because of a) the complex and not very MLP setting and more importantly b) the issues you describe.
I'm pretty sure the whole hybridization thing is off-putting for many though.
The timeline doesn't exactly fit what I now know to be canon and also the return rate is artificially low because of my wish to portray the cultural development as I think it would happen when mostly undisturbed. Those who do return conveniently die while doing so anyway and become part of the exposition.
6388791 Riiiight... let's write an answer to this monster of a comment!
I agree, much too little appreciation going on. My favourites here are ridiculously underrated, but that's probably the fate of most side stories. On the other hand, without this group I'd have nothing but downvotes.
Thank you! It's good to hear that sometimes. Had a little rant about that in my reply to Starscribe. Grml. At least give me some honest dislikes that deal with the actual story that has issues and which I'll accept a downvote for anytime. Preferably with a comment.
I like Moor as well and it was my aim to show him as not just a dick because reasons in his little chapter. Happy it worked. And his level of competence in New Whinny is approximately "Hello", "Sorry", "Where's the toilet?". Just tribal, you know. Not really important. They don't have thesauri. Yeah, 'it'. Used it for a reason ;)
I love my thesaurus. Moor was the only chance to use it excessively and stay in character. So I used it shamelessly. Capital *DING* And it felt good. Yes. Yes it did.
Scapa had some serious issues. We can agree on that. For one, he named himself after a Distillery. Maybe he named himself after the Scapa Flow, that piece of sea in the middle of the islands. Slightly strange pony name.
Soooooo.... sins!
Moor doesn't know it was a church. It's clumsily hidden exposition. See, there's a lot of that. Why not downvote it for that guys? It's justified. Feel free!
Should have called him Thesaurus Song. Now there's a pony name. Twilight would marry him on the spot.
Scapa, meet issues.
See above line.
See above line plus soap opera.
Moorland is distingué. He's also permanently enervated because of that. And he's very analytical about cause and effect. He's also pretty bad at forecasting based on cause and effect. That's why he's better at being right hand pony. Dossiers!
Anyway.
It. Yes really. You just have to love him.
Damn, that wasn't even intentional. Bloody ponies.
Scapa would never have used those, why should his sons or anyone else on the islands who all learned English from him? Pony skills. Seriously Cel?
People skills it is.
Thanks for all your hard work in sinning this story. It's better for it! Really. Maybe.
You made my day anyway ;)
6388791
It's 1473 words. *ding* 5
Scapa could probably have done with a bit more of the kind of delegation Dawn is doing here. I guess a century or so of living with horses who didn't really compare to his own intelligence (particularly early on) would have given anyone a bit of an "If you want something done right, do it yourself" attitude though...
Enjoying this greatly, thanks.
Alas no time for an in-depth critique.
6474047 Glad you're enjoying the story!
6474034
Pretty much... the gradual transition to having intellectual equals around him (well, some at least) and the need for a different kind of leadership might have passed him by.
Please tell me they haven't figured out how to make alcohol. Because Sol seriously doesn't need more help to be a dufus. A lovable dufus, mind you, but still a dufus. I really love the characterizations among the sons. They aren't cardboard cutouts, they aren't overladen with cliches. They just feel like what I imagine a family of bothers with expectations could turn out to be. Particularly with Scapa. I mean communication issues.
And I'll admit to having season transit passes on the shipping train, but I'm not sure which line to hop on. Orche-Dawn or Buid-stice. Both are adorable together. Though in a way Orche is more of a supportive older sister while Sol is a dude fumbling with a crush...
Also: Scaffolding? Seriously? And you fantasized about your Dad's sex life? I'm not sure how to feel about that. I can see the reasons why, but still... fantasizing about your Dad's sex life... ew?
Related to that issue: hovering XD Everyone really thought Scapa could fly, didn't they?
The more this goes on, the more I wonder how messed up it would be to throw another First Gen into the mix.
6474670 Of course Scapa could fly when he was young. Everybody knows that!
Sol was probably just sizing up a sweet young Fjord, got lost in technical details and when he finally snapped out of his daydreams she was long taken.
Very happy to hear the characterizations are working! I'll just proceed as planned then.
And you managed a double-jinx. Well done.
Things progressing!
Can't wait to see what happens next! :)
So Harvest does have decent charisma. He is his father's son thought. I know I said I wasn't doing sins anymore but... Scapa. *ding*
And just flew didn't he? Well, hovered. Damn. You go Dawn! And Moor didn't miss it. Looks like there's hope for our little colt after all!
It's pretty obvious now that most of the brothers have some traits that would can be applied to leadership, and have exhibited them in their own sphere, but lack all the traits needed to be the leader of their society. So far, Moor and Dawn have shown the best skills for the latter, Dawn particularly since his encounter with Buidhe and subsequent shedding of the expectations and newfound focus on needs.
My possibly wrong assessments... Moor leaders towards the eventually, Harvest leaders to the now, Dawn is trying to figure out the Then. Sol has presence but not ambition to be a leader.
Harvest... yeah... kinda gave in to rashness there. Which left him in that 'now what' epiphany. Can't even pity him. He's not a good leader for the herd. For projects, yes, not the herd. As Dawn put it; he's too arrogant and narrow minded for it. Sadly, that describes too many leaders but...
Also... hovering... Dammit Sol...
From her coat colour, it sounds like she's another descendant of Scapa. It didn't really seem as though Dawn gave much thought to family outside immediate family, but I wonder if they (besides Scapa when he was alive) keep track of who all his descendants are.
Interesting as well that the position for presumably the strongest in the team went to her and Harvest, when a comparable in strength non-magical horse seems to be huge compared to them. It seems like they must be getting earth pony strength somehow, even though their ancestors are a pegasus and non-magical horses or ponies.
First off, thank you all for commenting!
You're really, really helping me write, and as a side-effect also influencing the yet unwritten parts here and there. In so far two cases quite substantially, enough to re-arrange the plot because the ideas/observations/deliberations just fit too well to ignore.
6505089 Working on it!
6505405 I think we're mostly done with old Scapa now. Mostly. But definitely ding. He himself was a very good leader though. Alas.
"I say."
Glad that came across. I think he's defeated the moment he's stumped for how to proceed after he's just thrown their leader into the dust in front of an audience. Also, Moor would make a good henchpony.
6505590
All those with unusual coat colours and/or anatomy supposedly are related to Scapa in some way. Then again, to most members of the herd (including Dawn and his brothers) those with colours or other special traits have always been around.
Highground is the exception, there's a lot of North Swedish horse in him... quite massive compared to the rest. He's probably the strongest of the lot but would need a custom made harness. The rest stand somewhat taller to varying degrees, like Buidhe (she's on the tall end). Apart from that... who knows.
Overlooking Scapa Flow, I take it?
The whole thing with the oil washing up on the beach was pretty cool (and a neat call to your other story). A lot of areas would actually be hit pretty disastrously by stuff like that left behind when everyone vanished.
Solstice's colouring is pretty much a piebald with Equestrian colours mixed in to the more usual ones? That sounds both weird and awesome. Strange how green in a piebald pattern seems odder to me than all-green.
Ah, Buidhstice. I ship it. So, was that sunken ship we saw the remains of Buidawn?
The oil spill was a clever, brilliant, concerning and sobering move. Nice call out to Tyra B, but also makes one wonder what other coastlines around the world look like.
The level of awkward in this chapter was adorable. And I loved Buidhe's Female Gaze. Still, Solstice is a lovable goof, a bit dorky, and a hunky serving of stallion flesh on top of it. Totally coltfriend material. Go for it, girl!
Also: Scapa. *ding*
As usual, thanks for the comments!
Concerning the oil, that's something I seemingly can't stop thinking about. I've been wondering about the Gulf of Mexico. Lots of dead seas around the globe I guess. Glad you liked.
6559541
Of course. Beautiful spot that.
6560082
I'm really happy that Buidhe's perspective seems to work, I edited the chapter a lot for that. And yeah, she's got good taste.
Also, the amount of *ding*s in this chapter is staggering.
Ah, the beautiful, beautiful world of complex tribal customs and "if I know it, everyone else does" misconceptions. It just can't end well.
6559541 Mostly the areas of chemical plants and oilfields. It's not that much, but those hit should be uninhabitable for a long, long time.
6562222 HPI might be able to shut some of those. Some might be even properly turned off and sealed by some of the reappearing crew.
Actually, the next decade or so after the Event should be significantly colder due to multiple oil spills being on fire.
6562460
As far as I know the HPI had their hands more than full enough preventing nuclear disasters all around the globe. And burning oilfields... I have the suspicion that the massive amounts of methane released from all those wells will counteract that cooling pretty quickly when the soot and sulphur settles. On the other hoof, maybe I just love dark scenarios too much. Anyway, thanks for the comment! Much appreciated.
6562713 They could go around those close to their location - it's enough trouble that they have to be afraid of magic, chemical disaster nearby could complicate things too much for them to ignore. Of course, we don't know where are they hiding, but it's a safe bet there's some kind of an oil field around there. It could be useful for HPI to have some source of it for their manufacture and research, after all, and they don't have a luxury of having a way to maintain one far away from their base.
As for the methane - sure, the next decade should be more warm than current average. Thus, speeding up the decay of the civilization remnants by wacky weather that always comes with such drastic climate shifts.
6562735
Good point. All these possibilities are the main reason I love the world Starscribe has built here. For now I'll be content with wrecking northern Europe though and making life very short or miserable for everyone there.
6562759 You already went further than most in that by making them too horses to live long.
She was pretty lucky she knew enough about horses to work out how to move really fast! With a degree in equine science, I wonder if her mark is actually a horse? Would probably work out to be a pretty useful talent, at any rate.
Have to say, dropping someone straight into a confusing mix of speaking tribal horses and ponies who have only a second-hand knowledge of the old world she left behind looks like it'll be very interesting!
Buidhe's tribe also seems to have a bit of a theme to their names, if Ruadh is an indication...
Well now, that's looking on the bright side of the apocalypse...
I love this story so much: the setting, the vast cast of tribal ponies and second generation ponies, none of which had a good explanation for what happened, the remoteness of the location, the mixture of hope and depression, even a hundred or more years later.
Wow, the new mare got some serious fight in her! She has her earth pony strength and durability going for her, sure, but that many dogs and that many dead? You sure she's not a disguised minotaur?
And I assume, she dropped in right on already unpleasant meeting of the all-horse and not-entirely-horse tribes at the very inappropriate moment, too?
Now, if she doesn't die of a shock after that, things might just get really interesting.
Can't wait to see that.
Final thought on the chapter early: She has a mark... She is the only living pony know with a mark. Dawn might have the wings, but that's just half of what the 'Great Leader' Scapa had.
Back to general impression. Part of me is grumpy that she didn't pop up near to Dawn, but that's a small part. Dealing with the tribals, Sol's enthusiasm and the hijinks that might happen before they can get to the two sane stallions will be a more interesting read. The dog pack was nicely done. And I can see why they would have learned not to try too hard for the fjord ponies if one new arrival could take care of them that well with only desperation on her side.
Sol... don't flirt with her. Innocently or not. Actually... I wonder if he subconsciously thought of her as a child. His father and Dawn are the only two Equestrian Ponies he knew, so everyone else would have been his size or bigger.
Also, I'm picturing Brenda's mind as a small but neat apartment that's shared between Human Instincts Brenda and her new unexpected roommate Pony Instincts Brenda.
(PS: I think you forgot the quotation marks around her initial cries for help.)
6573281 Who knows where they got those names from. But they're pretty, no? ;)
You have no idea how bloody difficult it was to find an image of the actual Daily Mail frontpage from 23.05.2015
6573518 You just made my day and my time period to the next chapter, which comments like these tend to shorten ;)
6573638
Nah. ;) Dog #1-3 were hunting accidents (only #2 was fatal). A ruined city environment is pretty unforgiving, not much room for error and also dangerous all on its own. The leader (#4) made the mistake of playing chicken with a desperate individual with nothing left to lose. She didn't trample him intentionally. #5 suffered an accident with the airborne remains of #4. It is also a narrative imperative you use fences with ornamental spikes this way. Just his luck. Now #6... that was a fully intentional kill.
Next up: perturbed pony politics.
6573644 A mark to rule them all.
I think their only experience with equestrian pony returnees so far were pegasi and unicorns or maybe injured/immobile earth ponies. There will have been a few since the city was large enough... because I'm nice like that. Her scent was just the usual one, an easy dinner served up out of the blue. A fully functional earth pony on the other hoof, with a human mind that knows what it's doing after the initial blind panic... and then they got angry.
You know, I really like that image you just conjured up. And I fixed the quotation marks, thanks for pointing out that mistake. You also gave me a ton of ideas and new perspectives with that comment btw.