Interlude: The two sisters
2 hours after Jolyne's arrival in Equestria
Canterlot castle, Throne Room
The two sisters sat in their respective thrones waiting. Over 2 hours ago a massive magical shockwave had ripped across the entirety of Equestria bringing an entity of incredible power along with it. This entity was at the forefront of the princesses minds.
Right now they were waiting for any type of news from Twilight and they were ready to help if it was needed. Celestia sat still in patience believing that her protege would be able to handle it, but she was still ready to teleport in should the need arise. Luna was shifting around in her throne, she couldn't bear the thought that something dangerous was out there endangering her friends.
Thankfully their patience had won out and a letter appeared before princess Celestia
Wasting no time she tore open the letter and began to read it over.
Dear Princess Celestia
I'm writing to you to report what we found while investigating the magical explosion that happened over your old residence. The investigation started out like any other with our trek through the Everfree forest. But as we began to approach the castle Rarity and I began to feel a strange type of magic resonating from within the Castle. When we entered the Castle we split up to cover more ground and hopefully find the source of this strange magic. As Applejack, Spike and I began our search we had noticed that Spike had gone missing. Just as we were about to start looking for him he returned with a most peculiar friend. When I got a look at her I realized where I had felt this strange magic before. It was the same magic as Nightmare Moon. Noticing this I restrained her with my magic causing her to float up in the air allowing me to get a better look at her appearance. She looks remarkably like Nightmare Moon with several key differences. The first and most obvious difference was her color palette which is the exact opposite of the Mare in the Moon, with white fur and orange hair which behaves like a raging inferno. Her eyes were the same draconic slits which were red in coloration instead of a light blue.
When she was lifted into the air completely her previously unnoticed alabaster wings enveloped her small form hiding herself behind her own wings. I began interrogating her trying to figure out how Nightmare Moon returned but I was blocked by Spike.
Thanks to him I was able to hear the full story as to why this child was here as well as her identity.
Her name is Jolyne and she was brought here against her will. She is just a lost child who doesn't have anyone else to turn too. She trusts Spike and as such, I have told him to look after her for now until we hear back from you. But even then she still holds the same magic as the Nightmare so we have restricted the use of her magic for now until we know for sure whether she really is a lost child or this is all a ruse.
Your former student,
Twilight Sparkle
The sisters read the letter in silence both of them reading over the information multiple times to make sure they were understanding it correctly.
"Another Nightmare..." Said Luna pensively breaking the silence. "She must be dealt with at once!" Declared Luna standing up from her throne horn glowing with energy.
"Luna wait." Responded Celestia calmly. "What if this 'Jolyne' is telling the truth? What if she isn't the Nightmare? Let Twilight handle it for now." Reasoned Celestia. Luna wasn't backing down, however.
"Let us go see this child in a few days once Twilight has had time to see whether she really is a threat or not." Suggested Celestia looking towards her sister.
"No sister! This is another Nightmare! I will not let it bring misery and sorrow to Equestria again! We must banish this entity back to the dreamrealm at once!" Responded Luna with determination looking back at Celestia who's smile began to falter.
Hearing Luna's determination caused Celestia to sigh. " How about this. You will go to Ponyville tomorrow to question 'Jolyne' on whether she is a threat or not." Suggested Celestia. The glow around Luna's horn began to fade.
All was silent for several seconds as Luna thought it over.
"Agreed."
When the next morning came, Luna was ready for her confrontation with the Nightmare Twilight had found.
Clutching the letter in her magic, Luna walked towards the balcony, already mentally narrowing her focus towards Ponyville. The younger of the Diarchs was far more experienced at sensing magical energies than Twilight, and now that she was aware, she could sense a piece of her sister's solar aura in the plains below Canterlot, like a glowing ember but warped as if seen through dark wind-tossed, murky waters.
This warping was something she knew all too well, for as Nightmare Moon her own aura had suffered the same taint. She swore that she would not let another Nightmare harm and despoil fair Equestria as she had in her madness. While Twilight was a puissant spellcaster, she might need help containing this new threat, as the Nightmare could be tricky, worming its way into your soul by offering you your least noble desires.
As she sprung from a balcony, already preparing to teleport, she was already working on a plan of action. She would find this Nightmare, confront it and banish it back to the dreamrealm. Maybe with the help of the Bearers of the Elements, they could free the poor soul that had fallen to its lies. It won't escape judgment like it had once before!
30 minutes after Luna’s attack on Jolyne
"What have you done Luna?"
When a letter arrived in the middle of day court that said Luna went rogue and decided to attack the Nightmare she was there to talk too. She ordered the guards to lead everyone out of the throne room as day court was now canceled due to a new situation that had popped up. The guards did so with haste. She had also ordered that the guards do not reenter the throne room and that when they spotted Luna, she was to be brought to the throne room and that they weren't to be disturbed until further notice.
Now there Luna was standing in front of her sister who had a sad and pained look on her face. They were both currently alone in the throne room with Celestia sitting on her throne looking down at a letter clutched in one hand.
"The letter says that if it were not for the aid of Fluttershy Jolyne would have died on the street. What could have brought you to do this dear sister? Her magic was inhibited she had no way of hurting anyone in her current state." She said looking up from the letter in her hands with a pained expression on her face.
"So why dear sister did you almost kill her?"
Luna stood firm however unfazed by her sister's reaction.
“Sister she is dangerous and I will not allow another nightmare to do the same as I did! She must be banished back to the dreamrealm! And since you would not do it I needed to take action! She was eating out of the cookie jar our mother gave to me and mocking me while doing so!" Responded Luna the fire of determination and anger burning brightly in her eyes.
"And what if you were wrong Luna? What if this is just a child who is here due to unfortunate circumstances? You would have condemned a child to the depths of the dreamrealm for the rest of time!" Retorted Celestia standing up from her throne, the letter still clutched in her hands.
"That does not matter I have felt her magic! She holds your magic sister and its surrounded by the Nightmares corruption! She felt the same as when yo-"
"Enough Luna. That still doesn't justify your actions! If she is like that then it is my decision on what to do with her." Interested Celestia.
Celestia now stood silently looking down at Luna. She still loved Luna with all her heart and every second spent with her since her return has been a blessing. Sure, Luna had done some terrible things in the past Celestia had as well but this…This was crossing the line in Celestia’s book. The fact that Luna almost banished a child into the dreamrealm just for being what she is. Just as Luna was about to retort Celestia sighed sadly.
"Luna...just...get out of my sight...please"
Luna did so in silence teleporting out into her bedroom. She walked over to her balcony overlooking Equestria. Leaning over the railing her gaze focused on the town where the Nightmare was located.
'I will find out what you are planning Nightmare. I will not let you hurt my sister again' Thought Luna, the urge to protect her sister from the Nightmare that had plagued her once before growing by the second.
I'm now wondering how likely it is that this interlude wouldn't have happened were it not for the readers calling for discipline. No offense meant to the author, I merely bring it up because of timing.
10260676
Nope. This interlude was planned from the start you all just have precognitive powers XD
Also the fact its smol I was able to finish this in a day.
with luna punished the question will be how will an attempt and almost sucess on her life effect little daybreak?
O.o well that was fast.
Featured!
Wow, I really hope this doesn't cause Luna to go nightmare moon because of guilt...
Why did Luna act so aggressively towards Jolyne anyway? Did she think this was trick by nightmare moon to replace Celestia or something?
Sad. But also nice chapter
10260679
The jusssticcce...! It feedsssss...!
Huh, uh, what? Sorry. I was infected with an earworm the night after my birth, but instead of eating my brain it became a symbiote. Now it just takes over sometimes, and it has a sardonic sense of humor.
I didn't know how serious the condition Jolyne was in until Celestia got pissed. You never see her truly upset, so that really hammered it home more so than the last chapter.
I like the universe you are building here. I can't wait to see how a young adult's mind is trapped in a six-year-old's body and how that plays out.
Also I don't mean to nit-pick here but you have two "pre-readers?"
Do they proof read? Because there are still some "smol" mistakes. For example, Celestial being "pissed of" and not "pissed off."
Thank you for posting.
YOU'RE GROUNDED GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
It should have been on the moon this time
10260757
Uh, on topic of MC's condition was little obvious but that could have been me since the door was turned into a grenade and she went through a window and hit the road all of this at speed, damn Daybreaker is gonna be in alot of pain next chapter
10260799
Debatable but I would agree if- no wait MC is paralyzed (maybe) since she couldn't feel her arms and legs, yeah Luna probably should've been sent to moon for abit (not too long tho)
10260755
It’s *ahem* Profeshional
Soft and sweet to bloody and dramatic. Not sure if I like that sudden shift, but I'll see how it plays out
No ponies on the moon but what about ducks
P.S I just wanted to post something and Luna not being on the moon was the first thing I latched onto.
10259829
she was busy trying to stop the bleeding while giving daybraker first aid.
well luna deserved it, but i would say it should have been at least 10 years in stone, and then back to normal and there the dungeons until you prove that you are mentally stable for work.
as far as i know all the other equestry villains did not attack children / foals, so luna reached a level that even villains do not step on.
crysalis only attacked candence and celestia on the first date, and also twilight because she was trying to reveal it.
disagreement ... cotton candy clouds, milk chocolate rain, and other things that are 100% harmless to children ... unless they have lactose intolerance.
shadow, just ruled an empire, we don't know if he mistreated foals or not.
tirek, would just consume the magic and leave it alive.
and so on
Yep could been worse
I think at this point Luna would just defect from Equestria,
I sure as heck would since not even my sister would listen to my side of the argument.
Probably for the best to go to the thestrals country and be welcomed as a princess.
Im not defending her actions but its clear Celestia holds authority and has completely undermined Lunas now, There is no equality anymore, there never was........
Luna at this point if it ever got out that shes a now former princess and a prisoner (probably already has), her title even if she got it back would be a joke and would never hold any power. NOBODY would let her have have it, its simple politics......
With this you have killed Lunas future, probably forever since Equestria entered an age where arhiving and history is documented by the days.
Celestia again did what she did back in the dark ages, overshadowed her sister in every way possible, stripped her WILLINGLY (otherwise she wouldnt have done it no matter how justified) this time of everything and tossed her asside in the dungeons to repent which we know she wont since her trauma and NMM power is still fresh with her mind and in her eyes her actions are justifiable.
This is a killing point for me really. I love Celestia more than Luna but you have butchered their personalities and everything they stand for. Celestia while caring she would have a heated argument and Luna would NEVER take it without arguing her side. Making Luna so compliant with everything is beyond belief...............
rogue
to, the (wrong in different ways)
Aaaand this is why the flooring in the castlle is ostensibly marble.
Also,
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/30300000/Caps-Lock-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-30376085-750-563.jpg
Ouch.
As principal Luna once said “I am a fropessional”
10260894
Understandable
But think of it like this
Celestia loves her sister with all her heart but there are certain things that cannot be ignored. Attempted murder of a child is one of said things. To celesta every second with her sister is the best second of her life since her return. But this cannot be ignored. There needs to be punishment for Luna’s actions and that punishment for now is that.
Of course Celestia will still visit her sister the moon was her last and only option for NMM. And being separated from her sister for a thousand years is something Celestia will never want to redo but Luna needs to learn that this isn’t the behavior of a princess.
Luna for her part jumped the gun massively it took a slap from one of her best friends for her to stop seeing red and truly see what she had almost committed.
I completely understand your point but this to me is the most realistic response to such a situation. Luna almost committed one of the worst crimes imaginable such a thing cannot be ignored because her sister said so.
What do you think the public would do if they found out that a princess of equestria brutally attacked a child and was left completely unpunished with just a slap on the wrist.
Celestia has to do this because it is the only response to this situation regarding Luna. She hates that she had to do it but what else could be done?
Anyway that’s just what I wanted to say as to why Celestia did what she did.
Otherwise I completely understand your points and thank you for the comment
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10261082
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WouldHurtAChild
long and short is that Luna crossed a line that the cannon villains on the show are not seen crossing
10261082
10261238
Alright I know when im beat in this and it is your story to make and create..............
But lets make one thing clear........... Leaders have to kill hundreds to save thousands,deal with lesser evils, chosing right from wrong is not always black and white.
What Celestia did with her punishment........... Carries alot of implications and reprecussions. Luna by this point probably has been studying to become a proper princess,. At this point her education shows everything a princeess is or was when she was in the dark ages of Equestria is wrong and the princess in present Equestria now is a glorified pencil pusher with a celestial body atached.
Luna was and always will be the fighter and the NMM fiasco culminated by not talking between siblings and not feeling adequate or scorned by the public. Lunas future now? She might aswell not have any.
The princess title is more than just a title to her, its her self worth. A measuring stick of how usefull she is to everypony else and everything her teachers and mentors brought her up to be. Celestias actions while justifiable to the full extent of the law show her as a good leader but a really bad pony/person. She destroyed Lunas EVERYTHING. It is even easy to see Luna has alot of resentment to Celestia still even in the show when shes "reformed" and their opinions clash like night and day. Lunas worth was always governed by how she had to live in Celestias shadow. Love and Hate go hand in hand. You can love somepony but you can also at the same time absolutely hate their guts and even cut contact with them while keeping tabs to see if they are alright. (psyhology 101)
NMM was and will always be the BIGGEST threat to all life that Equis as a whole faced. All life was in danger.
Luna made great strides to better herself and even a mention of NMM triggers the trauma she went thru.
This story for me while interesting i will continue reading depending on how you handle Lunas aftermath.
The only way i see this is Luna leaving equestria since she cant stand the sight of Joylne and in turn Celestia due to what she has done to her or Simply abdicating/refusing to take the mantle again, dropping all her duties (night raising/dreams) due to Celestia being able to do them since she clearly doesent matter in the eyes of the public or her friends/family.
The attack on a child thing? Let me see if i could kill a certain WW2 leader before he became a world wide threat to save millions upon millions of people? I would, without a skipping a heartbeat. NMM that can endanger all life in a form of a child, same for me sadly.
Alicorns earn their status and abilities they are not granted them due to simply wishing for them. I rest my case........Im done
10260886
UH HAS EVERYONE NOT NOTICED THAT LUNA KNOWS WHO DAYBREAKER IS? that means that while she did deserve punishment for attacking a child this is too far, in my opinion, she shouldn't have her magic taken away due to her role as moon goddess and PROTECTOR FROM NIGHTMARES. aka Beings like Daybreaker (in fact, I think Luna Should have been able to explain her case and I'll write something here for it) "But sister I was carrying out my Duties a Nightmare of your darker self is roaming around in our world what is the law on that?" Luna explained.
"Oh," Celestia said as she Calmed slightly "Though that still doesn't excuse how far you went. Twilight's report said the Child was already wearing an inhibitor ring so while the law states that any nightmare that comes into our world is to be eliminated the Inhibitor ring on her horn shows that she's only part nightmare at best. therefor I sentence you to the dungeons till you have proven you are sound of mind once more at such point you will be confined to quarters till you proved you won't ever jump the musket like this again"
I'm afraid I have to call it here. The basic premise was interesting, but the direction you've taken it in has turned me off completely.
I thought Twilight's reaction was a bit extreme, even though you went to some effort to explain that Joylene's magic was similar to Nightmare Moon's, though it is also similar to Celestia's and Luna's magic, so why it would raise a red flag I don't know. Also, a child, which should have given her some pause. Still, Twilight did nothing more than try to contain a potential threat. And was talked down fairly easily, so I let it go.
But Luna's reaction is ridiculously over the top. Tirek didn't get this kind of reaction. Is Luna loud, dramatic and bombastic? Yes, absolutely. But she would never attack without a good reason, and once again should have paused when she was the threat was a child, and clearly not trying to fight back.
And Celestia's reaction is equally over the top. If Luna was lunatic enough to do something like this, Celestia would be terrified. She would most definitely want to find out why Luna acted so unchatracteristically, and not shut her down and imprison her without listening to Luna's explanation. Afterwards, possibly, but her default assumption would be that Luna had to have some extremely good reason for overreacting like this.
In short, all the Princesses are acting completely out of character for the sake of providing drama and setting up your OC as a woobie. It's a common enough mistake to new fanfiction authors. If you have to have a canon character act aoutside their normal personality, set up a good explanation beforehand. And don't overuse it, otherwise why are you even using canon characters? If all the characters are just sharing names and nothing else personality-wise with their canon counterparts, just change the names and make the story an original fic.
As I said, the original premise showed promise, but the execution is flawed. Set up a reason for Luna's excessive reaction and unwillingness to be stopped, like a prophetic nightmare or delusion, and I suggest you rewrite this entire chapter to explain things, and to have Celestia react more realistically.
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10261269
I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY with both of you, That is why i am so heated and made so many arguments before this. Not only are the characters personalities skewed their reactions and handling the situations is abnormally different than canon.
Luna would never stand for what Celestia is showeling her, she would fight for that so called equal status as a princess shes supposed to be or else NMM would have never happened in the first place.
Poor Celestia...
So, Celestia is most definitively proving that they are NOT equal rulers as Princesses?
I can understand the restrictions on flight and magic, they're reasonable punishments for her actions, but she should not have the right to strip her of her title.
10261296
Thank you for agreeing with me it was taken way too far
Very well deserved punishment for Luna's actions. Hopefully she can redeem herself for what she did and regain her title.
i like the idea of the story, but this seems very sudden and pushed
Sooo... if she is in the dungeons, how is she going to prove she has repented? :D
Anyway, nice to see you started to not write wall of texts anymore, it makes reading this a lot smoother. Hope you continue this, I love your story very much. :)
10261566
oh, what if that was temp, and leads to her having to get psychiatric help?
Something of a criticism, It's in poor taste to vary the font (Size/style/etc) without a very good meta reason. A good example of this would be DEATH SPEAKING IN DISC WORLD.
A bit more in universe, bolding fonts when someone is comedically loud/quiet, such as when using the Royal Canterlot Voice is causing everyone to grab their ears due to how loud they are being, or a slightly smaller font when fluttershy is being too quiet and thus ignored. Even in this example, the RCV probably shouldn't merit a larger found, just a bold lettering. The reason being is that it makes the story more disjointed, people don't just read it as being loud unfortunately, they read it as being loud, and then they break their immersion in the story to notice how big the text is.
Thanks for writing, and good luck with your story!
One thing I never understood about Equestria's way of dealing with dangerous villains, they either seal them away or turn them to stone for a long time, and to me that has 3 problems with that, 1. If the villain is still conscious they will either go insane, or have time to plan their revenge, 2.if they are unconscious the whole time then they would be the exact same once they are freed, 3. Eventually the villain will brake free and if the good guys aren't ready the villain could win.
I say this because I believe the Luna's punishment is much more effective, as it traps the guilty party and gives them time to think on what they did, with no chance of escape.
I'm not saying wether I agree with Luna's punishment for her right now or not, I'm just saying that that kind of punish is better for villain so long as you are able to seal just their magic then some time in the dungeons may prove better then sealing them in stone etc
10261566
Its a temporary thing. Likely as long as the victim is in the hospital. One she’s recovering Luna is likely going to be assigned to take care of her. As the pence for everything at the minimum
10262056
i would imagin she would be put in a more watch and care from the shadows kind of deal because correct me if im wrong but i dont think either little daybreak or whoever lookes after her will want her hanging around for a good while after she is out
rogue.. rouge is a color... though in case of Luna I could imagine such happenstance...
You also missing a comma in that phrase. If a clause with "if", "while", etc. is placed in front of sentence, you have to separate clauses by comma
Overall I am also questioning these choices with Luna and Baybreaker here. Issue not enough setup. Just boom.
After reading newer comments I'm starting to noice some stuff and remember stuff I had problems with, after rethinking I'm agreeing with stainless steel Fox and Auron Solaris and newest chapter just shows how Celestia is out of character and how Luna was never equal as a princess, I mean Celestia even took away Luna's title and rank as princess
10262426
10262423
Yep, I've asked all three of them for some pointers me now also seeing how OOC they are. So I am going to take the time to rewrite this chapter in a way that will make them a lot more in Character. I am still a complete amateur when it comes to writing and I'm glad I made a mistake here and that you guys were there to point it out :D
10262616
Awesome to me everything after the cookie was overboard
10262625
yeah gotta show why luna went gaga instead of this
10262616
You're welcome bud, take you're time
10262627
I get why initial reaction but the cookie thing should have broke the rage
This chapter really just lost me.. Lunas odd behavior in the last chapter followed by Celestia's odd behavior in this one.. I dunno everything just seems so rushed and over the top? I dunno, maybe a better person than me can put into words what I'm failing to say.