6- Dying fire
Darkness. All around me was nothing but a plane of darkness. However, this was a darkness that I recognize and look forward to seeing every now and then.
“Oh, cool I’m dreaming,” I say with a smile. Unlike many people, I tend to have lucid dreams often. Looking down at myself I see that I still looked like a 6-year-old Daybreaker. Frowning I snap my fingers to make myself look like my old self again.
Nothing happened.
“huh? Why won’t…” I snap my fingers again. Still nothing. I keep snapping them over and over hoping to do anything to the void I found myself in.
I tried creating my room…Nothing.
I tried making a nice grassy field…Still nothing
Starting to get frustrated I tried to will a simple chair into existence…Nada.
This was getting annoying.
“Oh, C’mon why won’t you AGH!” Pain exploded across my back and legs as I was suddenly flown across the void. When I hit the ground, the void was replaced with Ponyville. Landing on my back I was unable to move. Lying there helplessly I could only watch as Luna came into my field of vision. Her horn glowing, wings flared looking down at me as if I never deserved to have even been thought up of by my parents. The last thing I saw was a beam of light heading towards me.
I gasp loudly returning to the waking world. I shot upright in the bed I now found myself bringing my hand up to my heart which was beating at a mile a minute. I was borderline hyperventilating as I tried to calm myself down.
‘It’s a dream…it’s a dream… she isn’t here…she isn’t here’
I kept repeating that mantra in my head trying to calm myself back down. Now you may think that I woke up after getting blasted in the dream, but it was a lot worse. I kept reliving my near-death experience over and over and over again. Needless to say, I don’t think I could be in the same room as Luna now without having a heart attack. Slowly my heart began to beat slower and my breathing slowed back down. Stupid child body I absolutely hate having no control over my emotions. Taking deep breaths, I was finally able to calm myself down from the nightmare I had. Now with my emotions and body back under control, I was able to get a good look at where I now found myself. I was in a small room with lime green wallpaper with white ceilings and floors. The wall across from my bed had one large mirror. To my left was a small window with lime green curtains being faintly moved by the wind. There was a distinct smell of antiseptic in the air and the now identified IV stand next to the bed I was in confirmed my suspicions.
I was in some type of hospital.
I also seemed to be in one of those private single patient recovery rooms.
A dull pain in my back now became known as well as something pressing tightly against my wings. Looking down at my body I saw that basically my whole upper body was covered by bandages. That included my wings that were firmly pressed against my back by bandages. Just as I was about to inspect the rest of my body the door to my room opened.
Startled I whipped my head in the direction of the door only to be met with a wall of orange hair. Turns out I was still wearing a magic inhibiting ring as my hair was still straight and not burning. With an annoyed huff and some muffled laughter from my visitor I got my hair out of my face and was able to see who had just entered the room. Standing there with her hand over her mouth trying to stifle a few giggles was a nurse who I have never seen before in the show. Her fur was a deep Scarlet with blonde hair.
“yeah yeah laugh it up. I am not used to having long hair and this” I say pointing a finger at my orange hair.” usually floats.” I finish with a pout blowing at my hair. She just smiled at my probably unbelievably cute display. I mean who would not smile at such an image of a small white filly blowing her hair out of her face.
“So, doc what’s the prognosis?” I ask as she walks over to the IV stand and refills it after removing the drip from my arm.
“Well since your awake now I’ll go inform the doctors but as for right now I need to look you over.” She says as she begins her examination. Everything was going fine, and It looked like I already healed most of the damage I had received until…
“Can you move your legs for me please?” She asked inspecting my thoroughly bandaged legs. At this point I was basically a mummy just completely covered in bandages it was almost comical if it were not so painful getting said bandages. Following her instructions, I tried doing just that. Keyword ‘tried’ as when I told my legs to move, they did not respond. A feeling of fear began to seep into my mind at this response from my lower body.
“I-I uh can’t” I respond shakily fear of what could have happened seeping into my voice. Hearing my answer, the nurse hummed thoughtfully. She went and grabbed a pen from her chest pocket and told me to close my eyes.
“Can you feel this?” she asked.
I could not feel anything. The fear in my mind started to grow. “N-No w-why c-can’t I feel anything?” I stuttered out. “It’s nothing to worry about but altogether you are recovering very nicely. I’ll go tell the doctor you’re awake now.” The nurse says with a smile making her way towards the door.
“o-ok,” I say with a smile now slightly less afraid of the paralyzation in my legs. Hearing the click of the door, I laid back down in bed and gave off a sigh of relief that I was still alive after my encounter with Luna. Now lying in bed with nothing to do I decided to try and get some more shut-eye as some type of painkiller began to flood my system through the now refilled and reattached IV drip.
“How is she doing Scarlet?” Asked Celestia at the sound of a door opening, she was currently looking at the now sleeping form of Jolyne through a one-way mirror. “Well princess we were able to repair most of the damage and her alicorn physiology has finished the rest of her healing but with her magic inhibited the damage to her spine won’t heal.” Scarlet took on a sad expression.” And even if her magic is no longer inhibited it will be a long time before she can walk on her own.”
Celestia took on a pained expression at the news of the consequences of her sister’s brash actions. After a short stay in the Ponyville general hospital once it was safe for Jolyne to be moved she was brought to Canterlot castle medical wing. Into one of the patient rooms built for high-risk patients. The room was surrounded by multiple different wards and spells to ensure the safety of the patient and the rest of the castle. Essentially it was a cell in the form of a recovery room. Even though Jolyne was in no condition to be a threat to anything other than some sandwiches it was better to be safe rather than sorry. Celestia simply could not risk the safety of her ponies until she saw for herself that Jolyne was not the Nightmare her sister believed her to be. Even if that meant leaving a child unable to walk for the unforeseeable future.
“I understand but it must be this way until she proves herself not to be a threat. No matter how much it pains me to do this, but the ring will remain for now. I will speak with her myself later.” Celestia said looking through the mirror at the ring placed upon Jolyne’s horn.
Darkness surrounded me once again as I drifted of into unconsciousness. Seeing this plane once again brought the unpleasant memory of my previous dream to the forefront of my mind.
“Oh, come on! Not again” I look down at my hands. “You better work now or I’m going to be pissed”
Imagining my room back home, I closed my eyes and snapped my fingers hoping that I would not relive a certain life-threatening incident again.
*snap*
“Aw yisss,” I say with a small fist bump into the air at seeing my success.
Opening my eyes, I was no longer met with a never-ending void but instead my bedroom wall that was covered in different MLP posters. Rainbow Dash eat your heart out my Wonder bolts collection is bigger than yours. Turning around I walked back over to my desk. However, in doing so I found one problem. I was still a small 6-year-old. Huffing I snapped my finders and shrunk the desk and chair down to my size. Now finally able to access my ‘dream computer’ (In more ways than one, I built it my self and it's my baby) and started revising my previous plan of action from when I first arrived here. Opening up a brand-new text document I began typing away.
Old Plan of Action:
Step 1 Look around for somewhere safe to wait for morning/sleep.
Step 2 Try to find the main 6 and not have them blast me.
Step 3 Uhhhh.
Step 4 profit.
Old Plan Status Report:
Step 1 Look around for somewhere safe to wait for morning/sleep. Success?Step 2 Try to find the main 6 and not have them blast me. Success kind of? I mean they did not blast me so there’s that.Step 3 Uhhhh. Nope did not work Step 4 profit. Failed spectacularly. I almost died and currently cannot walk or feel anything in my legs.
New Plan of Action:
Continuous Objective: AVOID LUNA AT ALL COSTS!
Step 1 Heal
Step 2 Walk out of this hospital
Step 3 Show I am not evil so play nice.
Step 4 Get help from Celestia in getting me home (Avoid Luna if at all possible!)
Step 5 Go home
(In the very unlikely event I cannot go home____________________
Staring at my computer screen at my new plan of action, I just could not think of anything in case I could not go home. It brought up so many feelings that I cannot even begin to describe. Sure, everyone might think living in Equestria would be great but back home there were some things that I would move heaven and earth for. ‘No matter the cost I will find a way home’ I thought with determination not wanting to dwell on that depressing thought I turned the monitor off and decided to try and do anything to pass the time till I wake up.
i wonder if little daybreak is traumatised to aiicons due to luna?
Will Jolyen eventually be ok with Luna?
Disabled... Yay?
10278142
I wouldn't, I mean would you forgive someone for attacking you on a preconceived notion with little evidence and the proceed to cripple you for life if not by some miracle?
Maybe cold indifference, but not really forgiveness and general friendship
Better, much better........... The last 2 chapters round up what should have happened. Celestias decisions and the cooldown, sending Luna out of her sight so both could have some alone time. Lunas continued vigilance and Celestias proactivity to not make a mistake no matter what since shes aware what even a sliver of her power could do to the world.
Lunas punishment? I hope you are not thinking of doing the whole magic and flight removal like in the past........ No matter what Luna and Celestia must be portrayed as equals, Celestia might not approve Lunas actions but she cannot condemn them altogether either.
There is evidence Joylnes magic is a corrupted form of a nightmare and as such a Extinction level threat maybe even above Discord if he put his mind to it.
10269722
Take this with a grain of salt and an introspective into a godly being knowing another evil one could doom a world then call for forks and torches
Luna as a leader took an action Celestia might not have been able to do. Luna no matter how we readers want to "white knight" it is in the right and she did what she could knowing first hand the terror and power a creature like Daybreaker can do........
And for all of you readers out there saying Luna deserves punishment, have her in a jail ect ect, you are in the wrong sir/madam........ Its Sad but morals and common law of HUMANS dont apply to Monsters with godly power that could erase all life on the planet, even if such a monster looks and talks like a foal and a child as you cannot trust what you see with magic involved.........
Yeah I am done. Bad enough you still kept luna so extreme but making her disabled. Yeah I am out with that. Good idea destroyed.
10278247
Well I still thank you for staying this far in but u still gotta remember I am completely new to writing in general so the fact that you made it this far is stall nice so I thank you for staying with me this far
10278236
10278140
apparently, only by luna.
I wanted the chapter to be longer.
10278258
I mean it kinda was
10278247
probably would help more if you kept your expectations on a low and hoped for the best, The disability is abit much but its not permanent due to alicorn physiology as stated, just temporary for now. Things can only get better from here, hopefully for both MC and everybody else.
Luna was always extreme, just look at the whole nightmare night episode where she also went of the rails for a bit. Then also apply logic that there should NEVER be a holiday desecrating your leaders and making them look evil as the whole nation looks up to them. She as a leader had right to do what she did to cut a holiday teaching new generations that shes Evil........ and then look upon my last message in this chapter to see what i think about this situation aswell.
Anger clouds judgement but even before she came to Ponyville she had a plan to kill the Nightmare because she knows the danger even if the others dont.......... And is probably frustrated out of her mind for all the others defending her.
10278262
Very good place to start.
Wise plan.
"-put your head between your knees and-"
"Kiss your bum goodbye."
""Daybreaker's"" heart was filled with DETERMINATION!
10278260
i just thought of 2 things
1 is how is cadence going to react to a posible cousin and her almost murder and crippling?
2 due to the attack on little daybreak happening in public at the end then will there be public backlash on luna due to the publics only perseption of the inncodent being she was seen tossing a child out a window and crippled her? also if it comes up later in the story that little daybreak is celestia's daughter then would that make the public wary of her?
10278296
As a certain River Song would say
Spoilers
10278260
yep
And fuck you too Celestia
I hope someone, something will hit her in the head, put an inhibiting ring on her horn, then left her brain dead for the 'unforeseeable" future.
Jolyne is an alicorn and didn't cause any damage, what about Cutie Mark Crusaders Celestia? I'm pretty sure their families and sisters don't pay for all the damage they cause.
10278262
that's does not help the situation. again okay with Luna till the cookie jar. that is where the line is crossed. and then Celestia refusing to get rid of the inhibitor ring to let her heal better. the fact she is so damage. That no. again great idea but these last 3 chapters just make it crash and burn for me.
10278435
If you think you can this idea but better I would love that. You have a lot more experience than me in writing so I am in fact quite interested in how you would structure a story like this.
So if you do believe you can do this better I would really like to see that. Because of your stories inspired me to try my own hand at writing :D So seeing how you would try this idea would be amazing
What....the.....hell!
10278448
I think you mean Tartarus
10278446
I have so many stories I have YET to write. I rather help you improve yours. It is the Last three chapters that detailed this for me.
Ooo Jolyne be traumatized.
10278456
Then please be as brutal as possible and tell me how I derailed it for you the only way for me to improve is to hear what I did wrong so that I won’t do said thing in the future
10278461
Luna attacking after the cookie was too much. That should have paused her and stop the attack.
10278247
The fact she's disabled (spinal cord/spinal damage is actually very realistic/accurate for what happened, and my problem with this is Celestia, sure she would still keep eye on daybreaker but would she really put a disabled and restrained (magic and possibly wings) child in the bloody palace medical wing, in a high security recovery room for potential high level threat, (like changeling otherwise) same place where luna can easily get to daybreaker without being stoped (mane six, spike, maayybe Celestia)
Edit: Celestia is OOC, atleast to me, she is keeping daybreaker from healing her spine, while I could see her doing this to nightmare moon if she became her own being and tried to end world again, but not to a 6 year old (supposedly) alicorn child who has done nothing wrong, completely complied with all demands from mane six, and was nearly murdered for supposedly being a nightmare which is automatically evil, while I disagree with this I'll stick around and if anyone wants to agree or disagree and/or comment on this feel free to.
Sorry for the big rants
10278499
Yes somewhat realistic but the issue is Lu a going that far and Celestia not allowing a magic heal.
10278541
Agreed, but my only real problem is Celestia right now, might be good idea to stick around for atleast next chapter tho
This threw me off a bit here, you're missing a few commas.
"the rest of her healing, but wih her magic inhibited, the damage ..."
Not bad. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
I'm pretty sure Twilight will also slap Celestia for this
She is smart enough to know why Jolyne can't walk and heal properly
While Celestia and Luna are cold-hearted enough to justify their actions like here, Twilight and Cadence aren't, so they will be mad
Like, alicorn sisters should be forbidden from being in a radius of 20 meters close to any children
10278236
Au contraire, the ultimate source of Western morality is the literally omnipotent Creator of all things... which by definition has absolute authority over all sapient species. If they think otherwise... well, let's just say the consequences won't be pretty.
10278236
You do realise that morals and laws of humans still apply to us despite the fact that we are also capable of eradicating all life on the planet with nothing but some button presses?
10278654
The very fact you wrote that........... i dont even........ wow.
we do not have a referance point for another sentient being living on our world but i sure as heck would asume their common sense and morals would be vastly different SINCE THEY ARE NOT HUMAN damn wish i could underline it a few more times
Ponies have their own culture, morals and upbringing. As one would suggest that comes with having inherent DEADLY if not controlled magic........ Aka Unicorn surges, uncontrolable earth pony strength, erratic weather magic ect.....
But lets leave the magical talking starbear that can sneeze and erase half a reality, hes adorable and smol (full sarcasam and typos included)
Lets asume you do have a nuke attached to you and anything you do, can set it off since its a part of you, certainly wont bother you or anybody else who might be near. Especially if the detonator is faulty and its quite a Nightmare............. Badum-tshhhh (i know its bad........... cries silently)
10278451
You are right! keep up the good work!
I cannot wait for the next chapter!
I do think they should remove the inhibitor ring so her spine can heal. I'm pretty sure all of her body's magic would go towards healing the body first. As soon as it's healed, put the ring back on. Keeping the ring on and letting her suffer with an injured spine is a bit cruel, and wouldn't be something that would happen to prisoners in any type of modern civilized society. Essentially, keeping her crippled is a form of prisoner abuse and torture if it proves painful enough to beat out pain killers. It would essentially be an violation of her rights as a sapient being (I would say human rights, but she ain't human anymore). Celestia is acting a bit out of character in this regard, because she probably knows doing this would be a gross injustice and cruel, and I think Celestia would be a bit more compassionate to at least let her heal her spine. And if they are keeping her in a reinforced magic room, keeping the inhibitor is a bit redundant while her magic is focused on healing her body.
Daybreaker/Nightmare Moon are over the top, exaggerated and evil versions of Luna and Celestia. Her behavior in general would immediately say that she isn't one of them. Nightmare Moon, no matter what form she is in whether she be in a filly form or an old lady form, would never show the type of behavior Jolyne has exhibited, the same could be said about Daybreaker. I doubt those two would lower themselves and act kind and humble to those they perceive lesser than them.
I think even if they blasted her with the Elements, they would do nothing to her. I like to think those things can sense when something is innocent and not a threat, and would simply do nothing against her besides blinding her in light and making her feel tingly.
Been seeing comments defending Luna, and I partially agree, as a co-ruler, she does have the authority do what she feels necessary, but it doesn't excuse her actions. Seeing Daybreaker offer her a cookie should have, realistically, raise some flags in Luna's head that she wasn't what she thought she was. Luna is the most familiar with how Nightmare Moon acts, and how a evil version of Celestia would act if corrupted by a similar force, so seeing how Jolyne acted would be a big enough disconnect to give her a pause in her anger. Now perhaps Luna is more direct in her ways because of her being locked away for a 1000 years, but she should have captured Jolyne and send her to dungeons instead of attacking a clearly defenseless opponent.
I do hope Twilight knocks sense into both of these sisters, because they are acting a bit irrational, with Luna doing before thinking, and Celestia being unintentionally cruel.
10278684
Well then, they better start locking away the magic of literally everything in the setting then as they all have the potential to cause harm.
10279472
I completely agree, while Luna is the co-ruler and equal to her sister, this does not excuse her actions, and in last chapter or even this one I was looking forward to what Kind of punishment she would have because for one if the public more so cadence and Twilight found out Luna wasn't even given a punishment for attempted murder on a alicorn (royalty) child.
And yeah past the cookie jar was OOC perhaps, she would have atleast pause to rethink what she's doing or who the child is but she didn't so that raised flags.
So a read through the current chapters, besides the use of super caps for people yelling when a ! mark would suffice, it's fine.
Now the current chapter is already rubbing the wrong direction. Unless the exact timeline was given, then the only one who is at fault is Luna, without the pretense of Cozy Glow to not underestimate children, then a powerful child is still a child. It's even worse for Celestia, she understands and is purposely keeping a child crippled, and quite possibly open to be finished off by Luna, unless she removes the ring.
While it's admirable that our tiny MC is putting on a brave face, and is hopeful to bridge a peaceful resolution to get home, she needs to come grips and plan if returning is impossible or the other side is just fine with killing/imprisoning her.
I had been attempting to type and post a review when.the site went down, and it was something along the lines of agreeing with other reviewers of this chapter. I do hope to see some small changes, but do know I don't point these out as failures written by an experienced writer, but more as some things that need some work with an inexperienced writer.
With time will come practice. One suggestion I can make is getting a beta reader or two. Getting some experienced help would be good for helping you grow as a writer.
Well im hooked. Im very excited to read more ones it out. Great Story Chapter ahead in the future
I drink to This story🥃
I hope Luna dont miss use her powers... Luna is seriously slipping... Counsel Cadance we need you!
10278140
Pretty self answering...
10278142
Impossible to know...
10278154
The Sarcasm is strong with you...
10278187
Indeed...
10278247
Meh... Not permanent necessarly Also shows that Luna need seriouse help.
10278252
I think its running good. Antro is almost always a turn away for me... You even made it a possibel disabled. Nothing set in stone. Also noone can have everyone win over. Keep going
10278262
Yep. Luna has a long waaay ahead to heal old wounds and find redeemption
10278278
O my god! The theme is playing in my head...
RE-PLAY!!!
10278269
Disturbing... Alternative?
Join the Evil Counsel of Grogar in a few years?
10278296
Yep... Luna played herself. She is already on thin ice after her return...
10278378
Cant agree with the first part. Totaly agree on the second.
10283139
Whats that Applecider... From the AppleFAMILIE?
*ANOUNCMENT - FIRST BLOOD*
10278684
I give it a like
10282020
Good point.
Yet everyone missed the point...
Alicorns are timeless. Healing takes time. Twilight etc work problems out over time. Story develop over time. Its time to wait for more...
Do i have a point?
10279702
Indeed that needs consequences. At least forced seriouse counseling sessions with Cadance and a stern lecture. Pinkie Pie and/or Fluttershy angry/seriouse would be a impact to Celestia and Luna that is quite rare in storys in general!
10278588
Verbaly yes. Words cut deeper than Bucks to the face!
10278435
Understandable but its still semi permanent atm. Pretty sure Fluttershy and Applejack will force Twilight action.
10278446
Constructive critic is good but keep your course. High risk high reward as they say. And since this is a Antro story i cant imagen you plan a permanent disabled by mental instable Mooncheeks
10278488
Alicorn healing factor probably fix everything in time. Alicorns are imortal against time ergo lets watch and enjoy the stone filled path
10278499
I predict Fluttershy and Twilight will fire verbal doom when they learn of it... Wait and let it burn until out of the ash of verbal conflict new sanity will bloom.
10278654
Uuuu... Shiney red button... *watches left and right*
10279195
Indeed. The next chapter might show the Mane6 to visit the poor filly. Pinkie Pie is my favorit for that... ...
Holy Shit... Did we get a angry seriouse Pinkie Pie moment vs Celestia
10286459
Man i am not T H A T cruel to permanently cripple Jolyne that would just be cruel
10279472
Damn fine points.
I would go that way:
1. Mane 6 + 1 check on MC
2. Mane 6 learn of Celestia current order
3. Mane 6 point out hypocriticy and wash verbaly head. Pretty sure Celestia wouldnt do it to MC if she was Luna. Plus Luna acted waaay over the line after Friendship laser to the face. That action needs consequences at least in form of the Mane 6 pointing out bullshit ruling over the fillys treatment.
For fuck sake... Celestia & Luna own Mane 6 a lot!
I can even see Pinkie Pie or Rainbowdash pointing out that his action might 'deserved offical attention'. Cant give a 'free of moon jail' card for Luna and be hypocritic toward a Innocent F-O-A-L
10286503
Never even see it as a option you even Review