A pony hired by the Royals runs through the rooms of the Equestrian Bureau of Anomalous Investigation, collecting as much data as he could to help them piece together what caused radio silence from the Bureau.
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- Member Since 12th Apr, 2018
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
TerribleSpeller
It's say, do, or both in this world. It's either hate or love daily things. It's either be a follower, a contributor, or a leader. It's either do, or die. So, what are you gonna do?
TerribleSpeller
Joined 12th Apr, 2018 ·
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Sadly I don’t have the time to dive into this story right now, but if it’s at least loosely based on the 2019 game Control, then I’m sure it’s gonna be quite a treat
So... I'm guessing that ponies are being possessed by the mist?
10135954
Yes indeed.
10135941
Loosely based indeed.
Alright, so I finally managed get around to reading this. It was an enjoyable read, and you did really well on implementing some elements of Control into it. I wouldn’t mind the story being longer, so that the readers could fully explore the lore of the place along with Enigmatic. The open ending isn’t bad, but I can’t shake the feeling it came a bit too soon.
Where the story could definitely be stronger is grammar and spelling. There was quite a lot of errors, including some random capitalisation of nouns, ofentimes mixed up it’s/its, and a plethora of recurring punctuation errors in direct speech. (If no dialogue tag follows after a line of direct speech, it cannot end with a coma.)
All in all, it was still a rather pleasant short story. Thank you for that!
10168887
Ah! Thank you for the criticism lad, and yes, I know of the many technical errors I have. I would do my best to try and stamp out the amount of these type of errors, but many of them still slip through.
Once again, thanks for your constructive criticism, and please take a complimentary cookie by the door.
10168925
You're welcome, glad I could help at least a bit. Getting another pair of unbiased eyes to look your story over before publishing might be a good idea.
Aaand, thank you for the cookie!