Twilight Tries...

by Peni Parker

Sensha-dō

Come on, Rainbow, just tell me where you got this thing.

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Yes I know you already said that you ‘found it lying around town’ but I’m just having a hard time believing that. I mean, it’s not like if I go down to Sugarcube Corner right now I’ll just find one of these things ‘lying around’ on the way there.

Also, how did you even get it all the way to the castle?

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You drove it?! How the hay do you know how to drive something like this?!

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Don’t try and change the subject. I want to know how it is you learned how to drive this ta – Wait, what was that about my camera?

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Oh shoot, it is recording.

Ahem.

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Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So today’s episode is going to be, well…I’m not really sure how to describe it. I suppose strange would probably be a good a word as any to use given the circumstances, but even strange doesn’t seem appropriate enough.

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No, Rainbow, awesome doesn’t seem appropriate either.

*SIGH*

Let me explain.

See, yesterday Rainbow Dash here showed up at my door with this…this thing and said that she found it while she was flying around Ponyville. I had no idea what it was, and given how odd it seemed I decided to bring it to Princess Celestia’s attention. When she got here the Princess told us that it’s something called a tank – specifically a Panzer IV - and that many, many moons ago they were used to compete in a sport called Sensha-doo.

Wait, I don’t think I pronounced that correctly.

Sensha-deux.

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Shensha-d’oh

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Shensha – Okay, you know what? We’re just going to call it tankery because that was another name for it and that’s easier for me to pronounce than Sensha - whatever.

Anywhoo, tankery was a team sport where ponies would use these tanks to simulate a sort of warfare and try to destroy one another. Not literally though, figuratively. All of the tanks had various systems designed with safety in mind. When a tank would get hit enough to the point it could no longer operate it would become disabled and a white flag would pop-up out of it to indicate it’s inoperability to the other teams. So all-in-all it was supposedly a pretty safe sport.

Keyword, supposedly.

Anyways, Princess Celestia went on to say that tankery was actually a pretty popular sport in Equestria when it was around. And when you really think about it I suppose it’s easy to see why. It was a team sport that earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns could all participate in fairly equally because it relies on machinery instead of physical attributes, so having things like wings or magic didn’t yield much of an advantage.

Now at this point you might be wondering why it is that tankery went away if it was so popular. Well, Princess Celestia said the reason for that is that she had to outlaw it after a couple of ponies tried to use the tanks as actual weapons of war.

Gee, who could’ve possibly seen something like that ever happening?

Anyways, after tankery was outlawed all of the tanks in Equestria were supposed to have been shut down and dismantled. But since Rainbow Dash found this tank ‘lying around town’ that clearly doesn’t seem to have been the case.

So now as you can see I have a tank ‘lying around’ my front lawn being a great big eyesore. A tank that Rainbow is refusing to move until I agree to participate in some tankery with her. And since I can’t simply teleport the tank somewhere else I don’t really have any other choice.

Stupid magic-proof metal.

Oh, I should mention that it’s not just going to be Rainbow Dash and myself doing this though. From what research I was able to dig up on tankery I was able to learn that a Panzer IV tank typically needed five ponies to operate it. One to drive the tank, one to operate the radio, one to load the cannon, one to fire the cannon, and one to act as the tank’s commander. So naturally at first it seemed like we were going to need to find three other ponies to do this with us, but in actuality we only needed to find one.

See we’re not going to need a radio operator or a commander since we’re not going to be able to have an actual tankery match on account of the fact that we only have one tank. That, and Princess Celestia said she wouldn’t allow us to have an actual match even if we did have another tank because tankery is still illegal.

So anyways, the other pony who will be joining Rainbow and I today will be Trixie. Because of all the ponies we asked to join us she was the only one who said yes.

For some reason.

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*SIGH*

Yes, Trixie, I’m sure getting tankery experience will make you even greater and more powerful.

I’m not quite sure why you think that, but whatever.

But back to the matter at hoof, since we can’t have an actual tankery match we’re just going to drive the tank around a bit and shoot at those targets waaaay over there.

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Well it’s the best we can do, Rainbow!

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Okay, okay, Trixie. You can operate the cannon if you want to. Rainbow, you can drive since you apparently already know how. Which means I’ll be loading the cannon then.

All right, we’re all set. Now let’s get this over with.

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Geez Louise there’s not a lot of room in this tank. I feel like a sardine right now.

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Just be patient, Trixie. You’ll get to fire the cannon soon enough.

If Rainbow Dash can stop driving long enough that is.

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Hey, Rainbow. How about we stop for moment? I’m starting to get tanksick and Trixie really wants to fire the cannon.

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Thank you.

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Keep your socks on, Trixie. I’ll load a shell for you in just a second.

I wasn’t joking about feeling tanksick you know.

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Oh sweet Celestia these shells are heavy!

*GRUNT*

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Okay…it’s loaded.

*HEAVY BREATHING*

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to pop my head out the top of the tank for some air.

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Phew.

I tell ya, it really is amazing how quickly it becomes stuffy in this thing. I don’t know how in Equestria ponies used to ride around in these things for matches that could last for hours and – WAH!

Rainbow! Warn a pony before you decide to start moving the tank again!

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Oh for –

Calm down, Trixie! There’s no need to call Rainbow Dash names like that!

And Rainbow, will you please stop driving for more than five seconds so Trixie can fire the cannon already!

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Thank you!

All right, Trixie. You can finally fire the can –

Hold on, is that…?

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Oh no.

TRIXIE, WAIT! DON’T FIRE THE CANNON! IT’S POINTED RIGHT AT THE –

*BOOM*

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Trixie. You know you just blew up part of my castle, right?

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Good.

Now then, how about you and Rainbow Dash get out of the tank before you two manage to blow up any more of my castle, hmm?

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Thank you.

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You know what, girls? I’m not even upset with the two of you. Do you know why?

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No, Trixie. It’s not because I wanted to remodeled the castle and you inadvertently helped with the demolition. It’s because neither of you are to blame for this.

I’m the one at fault here.

I should’ve seen this coming. I mean, I really should’ve seen this coming. There were so many red flags that something like this was going to happen if we got in that tank. So…many…flags. And I just ignored them all. Why? I haven’t the slightest idea. But I did, and so I’m to blame for what just happened to my castle.

But let me tell you, I’m going to make sure what just happened never happens again. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to quickly figure out how to drive this tank. And once I’ve done that I’m then going to drive it into the Everfree Forest, find a very tall cliff, and proceed to send it hurtling right off of that very tall cliff.

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You’ve got to be kidding me.

I know you want to keep the tank, Rainbow. But let me explain why it is I need to drive it off of a very tall cliff. See, if I do that it will allow me to take my frustration out on the tank instead of on you and Trixie.

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WELL I LIED! I’M VERY UPSET! THERE’S A GIANT HOLE IN THE SIDE OF MY CASTLE NOW BECAUSE OF YOU TWO!

*DEEP BREATHING*

Calm down, Twilight.

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So who do you want me to take my anger out on, Rainbow; You and Trixie, or the tank?

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No, just Trixie isn’t an option.

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The tank, huh? Good choice.

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Well, everypony, I think that just about does it for this episode. So as always thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on a hopefully tank-free episode of Twilight Tries.

Honestly, who even came up with such a ridiculous sport like tankery anyways?

Author's Note:

This chapter brought to you by my re-watching Girls und Panzer for about the twelfth time.
(I relate to Mako way too much )

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Comments

[Velvet-Fresh]

Twilight tries, playing a turbo duel. As in not just regular Duel Monsters. But High speeds card game on Motorcycles!

[Calliope Pony]

I was expecting them to get Pinkie as the third pony since she's the only one who actually has experience operating a cannon.

[MLPMekarm]

.... i don't know why that sport was even made. but for an episode how about 'trys being an animator'.

[kaafan10]

twilight tries being a card shark

[MidnightFMare]

11094796
She'd have to fly under her own power and two, the only other pony that has a turbo deck is Rainbow.

"Okay, so I activate-"

"not enough counters, egghead."

"What do you mean?! I had enough last turn!"

"'Slowdown machine' happened. You took 900 points so it took three counters."

"Urrrrrgh!! Fine, I attack!"

"Aaaand I stop it with 'Speed Booster', letting me outpace your attack.'

" For the love of- okay! I end my turn."

[Eroraf86]

I was so confused by the title. I just had to see how it Panzers out.

[twidash1993]

Twilight tries running MT Midoriyama to become the newest Ninja Warrior (Sasuke champion)

[Drake Redwing]

Twilight Tries eating a Devil Fruit from One Piece

[Zubric]

OH here is one.
Twilight tries, building a gaming PC
and naturally failing at it somehow..

[BirdsBooksBrownies]

This coming April, maybe Twilight could watch the movie Titanic?
Have Twilight study the art of Mixology
Have Twilight try her hoof at art (drawing, painting, etc.)
Have Twilight try fencing

and that's all I've got at the moment.

[Onyx Quill]

Twilight tries Surströmming

[MLPMekarm]

twilight should try reading these comics
https://www.deviantart.com/johndoe326/art/The-Owl-House-Lumity-Fusion-855141008
https://www.deviantart.com/johndoe326/art/Lumity-Fusion-2-885349801
and try to not lose her collective sanity.

(this is gonna be so fun)

[Onyx Quill]

11094990
The exit's over there --->