Twilight Tries...

by Peni Parker

First published 14th of January, 2020

There are many things Twilight Sparkle has never tried, but she's going to try some of them with you in her new vlog!

Twilight Sparkle has decided to start a vlog so that she can share some of her first experiences with you!

Told in 2nd person with only Twilight's lines to you and others.

Coffee

Is this thing on? I can’t tell if it’s on.

Spike! I need you to help me figure out if this thing is on!

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Yes, there's a little red light on at the top!

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What?! The light means that it’s on?! And that it’s recording right now?! Oh son of a….

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Hi, everypony! Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship, here, and welcome to the inaugural episode of Twilight Tries, a new vlog I’m doing where I try something new for the first time and share it with you.

Now, you might be wondering why I’m doing this, and the answer is actually really simple; because I think it’ll be fun! My friend Sunset Shimmer said she does something like this where she records herself playing video games and that she really enjoys sharing it with others, so I thought, ‘Hey, why don’t I give it a try?’ I won’t be playing video games though since I’m not much of a gamer, and there already appear to be a lot of ponies who post videos of themselves playing video games, so instead I’ll be trying something new every video and sharing my reaction with you.

One thing I feel I should mention before I begin, don’t expect me to be trying anything lewd or illegal here.

And with that being said, for the very first episode of Twilight Tries, I’ll be trying…coffee!

That’s right, I have never had coffee before. Most ponies think I’m an avid coffee drinker because of all the late nights I’ve spent studying or performing princess duties over the years, but I’m not. Why have I never had coffee before? Honestly, I’m not entirely sure. I guess it’s just because I’ve never felt a need for it or even a desire to try it.

That changed though when I was brainstorming ideas for this first episode with my assistant, Spike, and I noticed him drinking a cup of coffee. Spike’s been a coffee drinker for years. Come to think of it, he’s been a coffee drinker ever since he was old enough to start being my assistant. I wonder if there’s a connection there?

Anyways, when I saw him with his cup of joe I figured that coffee would be the perfect thing to try for my first episode!

So if you look over to my right, your left, you’ll see that I have a measuring cup filled with water, a coffee mug a 30.5 oz. can of Marewell House coffee, courtesy of Spike, and a single cup coffee maker. The can of Marewell House is about half-empty, but that shouldn’t be a problem.

Time to make some coffee! First I’m going to…um…I’m going to…

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Spike! How do I use this thing?!

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Okay, so Spike said that first I need to do is put the coffee mug right under the dispenser on the machine, duh, and then I need to pour the water into the top of the machine.

There we go. Mug in, water poured.

Now I need to take this little scoop out of the front of the machine and use it to scoop the coffee out of the can. Makes sense.

So as I’m looking at the scoop I’m seeing that there are two max fill lines, which doesn’t make much sense to me.

Spike! Which max fill line do I fill the scoop up to?!

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The top one?! Okay, thanks!

Aaaaand, there. Filled up to the top line.

So now that the scoop is full I’m going to place it back in the machine, like so, and then close it back up.

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Spike! What do I do once I put the scoop back in?!

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Choose my brew type by pushing one of the buttons on the side?!

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Yeah, I see them, thanks!

Okay, so now I have to choose what brew type I want, and it looks like I can choose either Regular or Bold. I’m a bit tempted to choose Bold, but since this is my first time having coffee I think it’s best if I go with Regular. So I’m just going to push the Regular button here.

Oh, a little light came on when I pressed it. I guess that means it’s working.

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Nothing’s happening.

Spike! Nothing’s happening!

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It’s takes a little while to start?! How long…oh, wait, never mind, it’s starting!

So as you can see, the coffee is starting to pour out of the machine and into my mug.

Although, it appears that it’s just kind of dripping out instead of pouring out.

Spike! The coffee is only dripping out!

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What?! It’s supposed to do that because it’s a drip style maker?! Okay, got it!

The dripping is normal.

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This is taking longer than I thought it would.

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While we wait, how about we take a closer look at the type of coffee I’ll be drinking? Let me just get the can here.

Let’s see, ‘Marewell House Original Roast Ground Coffee, Medium Roast’. I have no idea what ‘Original Roast’ or ‘Medium Roast’ means.

Spike! What does…oh, never mind, coffee’s about done!

Aaaaand, done. My mug is full. Now I’ll just take it out…whew, that is a strong smell…and go ahead a take my very first sip of coffee.

Cheers!

*Slurp*

*Ptoo*

OH SWEET CELESTIA IS THAT BITTER! UGH, THAT’S THE MOST BITTER THING I’VE EVER TASTED!

SPIKE! HOW DO YOU DRINK THIS STUFF EVERYDAY?!

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ACQUIRED TASTE?! HOW IN EQUESTRIA COULD ANY CREATURE GET ACQUIRED TO THIS?! IT’S LIKE DRINKING DIRT!

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NEVER MIND, JUST BRING ME SOME WATER OR SOMETHING TO GET THE TASTE OUT OF MY MOUTH!

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I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING, SPIKE! THIS ISN’T FUNNY, MY TASTEBUDS FEEL LIKE THEY’RE DYING! UGH, UGH!

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So, yeah…coffee. I don’t think I like it. No offense to all you coffee drinkers out there, but I don’t see the appeal of drinking something so absinthian.

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Well excuuuse me for liking my drinks to be on the sweeter side, Spike!

Anyways, thank you so much for watching, and I hope to see you again soon on Twilight Tries!

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Bungee Jumping

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So you’re probably wondering why I’m outside right now. Well the reason is that today, I’m going to try…bungee jumping!

That’s right, I am going to tie an elastic cord around my back hooves and jump off the famous Sierra Marevada Mountain Bridge, which you can see behind me. Why am I going to try bungee jumping, you ask? Simple: Because I’m a grown mare and I can bungee jump if I want to, dad!

Oh, did I say, ‘dad’? Hehe, sorry about that. I should probably explain.

See, I’ve wanted to try bungee jumping ever since I was a filly. It just always looked so…exhilarating to me. Plummeting to the Earth at 124 miles per hour with only a simple cord to keep you from hitting the ground, ooh, just thinking about it gets the adrenaline pumping.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not now nor have I ever been one of those adrenaline junkies who goes out looking for ways to tempt death. I just happen to think bungee jumping is fun-looking activity that can offer some unique thrills.

I’m getting off point here.

So anyways, when I asked my parents if they’d take me bungee jumping my dad told me no because, and I quote, ‘It’s too dangerous for young mare like you’. So okay, maybe I was too young at the time, but when I asked again a few years later, the answer was still ‘It’s too dangerous for young mare like you’. And guess what? When I asked again a few years after that, I got the same answer! No matter how old I got the answer was always, ‘It’s too dangerous for young mare like you’!

Well guess what, dad? I’m all grown up now and I’m going to bungee jump whether you like it or not!

Sorry, I did it again.

Look, I understand perfectly well that my dad was just concerned about me, but you know how it is; you’re young and you want to do something, but your parents won’t let you, so that just makes you want to do it even more. Well, that’s just what bungee jumping became for me; a forbidden fruit that I could never taste.

Well now, I’m finally going to taste it. So, let’s get bungee jumping!

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Okay, I just paid the fees, signed the waiver, and got weighed, so now I’m all set to head up to the top of the bridge! Before I go any further though, let me just say one thing: Don’t even think about asking me how much I weigh.

As you can see, I’m headed over to a nice little lift that will take me all the way up to the top of the bridge. And yes, I know I could just fly up there, but I want to take the lift. I don’t know why, but going straight up in a lift gives me a better sense of just how high up I am relative to the ground. I guess it’s because of the fact that it’s a slower ascent than flying.

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Alright, I’m in the lift and ready to go. I’ll just push the button and…we’re off.

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Oh yeah, definitely getting that feeling of vertical ascent as the ground gets smaller below me. Yep, going up.

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And up.

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And u-up.

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T-this didn’t seem so high up from the g-ground. I think I should s-stop looking down now.

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*Ding*

Oh thank Celestia we’re at the top!

I mean, oh look, we’re at the top. I’m just going to step off the lift and keep my eyes facing straight forward.

Yep, just walking across the bridge towards the instructor pony, not looking down at all.

Hello there!

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Nervous? Oh no, I’m not nervous. I’m just…excited!

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Oh, um, leg harness I guess.

So apparently, there are two types of harnesses; leg and body. I’ve only ever seen ponies bungee jump with a leg harness before so I didn’t even know there was a body option. Not sure if there’s much difference between the two, but I’ll stick with leg.

Oh, hang on, the instructor pony wants me.

Sorry, what was that?

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My mane? Alright.

So the instructor pony said it’d be a good idea for me to tie my mane back so it doesn’t hit my face as I fall.

Can’t argue with that logic.

Aaaaand done. Mane tied back.

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Step over there? Okay.

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So as you can see I’m getting strapped in now. The padding has just been wrapped around my fetlocks and the elastic bands that the bungee cord attaches to should be next.

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Yep, there’re the bands.

And there’s the bungee cord.

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Now I’m having my wings tied down.

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Wait, is that a magic suppressing ring?

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Oh really? Interesting. I guess I’ll take it then.

So get this; it seems that in some instances unicorns have involuntarily teleported away mid-fall because of some kind of survival reflex, so they offer magic suppressing rings to keep that from happening. I think I have enough control over my magic that that won’t happen with me, but I’m taking the ring just to be certain.

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Really?! Oh yes, please!

I’ve also just been offered a special helmet that I can attach the camera to! Originally I was just going to ask the instructor pony to take the camera and record my jump from the bridge, but now you’ll all get to see it from my perspective!

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Okay, helmet is on and camera’s attached. I’m all set. Let’s do…

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I looked down again. Why did I do that?

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Just breathe, Twilight, you can do this. Just close your eyes…take a deep breath…and…ju

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That…was…AMAZING!

Oh my gosh, what a rush! When I started falling but then I sprang back up just before hitting the ground, it was so terrifying but so invigorating at the same time! I know I said I wasn’t an adrenaline junkie before, but I might be one now!

Whew, it is going to take me a while to come down from this high!

Anyways, I think this is a good place to end this episode, so thank you for watching and I hope to see you again soon on Twilight Tries!

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Oh, one more thing before I go; See, dad, I’m perfectly fine!

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to Donnnnn for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Chili

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Today, I’m going to be trying something my friend Applejack practically insisted I have to try; chili!

I’m sure you’re probably saying to yourself right now, ‘Geez, Twilight, how come you’ve never tried chili before?’ and the answer to that is because, well, I have a low tolerance when it comes to spicy foods. When I was a filly I tried some quesadillas that were loaded with a lot of red jalapeños and they…um, how do I put this without being graphic?

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Oh, I got it; they wreaked havoc with my digestion. Hehe.

Anyways, ever since then I’ve tried to avoid spicy foods as much as I can, especially quesadillas, and thus I’ve never had chili before.

So now I bet you’re probably saying, ‘Well if you don’t like spicy foods then why are you going to try chili, Twilight?’ and the answer to that is actually an interesting story.

See, a few days ago I was having dinner with the Apple family after helping them with their Zap Apple harvest and Granny Smith offered me some chili. I politely declined but Applejack insisted that I had to try it, which is when I brought up my…sensitivity to spicy foods. It was then that Applejack said she could give me a recipe for a mild version of the chili so that I could still try it and I told that that would be fine. In fact, I told her it would be the perfect thing for an episode of Twilight Tries.

So here I am, about to try chili, albeit mild chili, for the first time ever!

Now if you’ll look over here you’ll see that I have a little kitchen area set up with everything I need to make chili; a hot plate, a heavy-bottom pot, a large stirring spoon, a blender, and all of the various ingredients that will make up the chili. You may have noticed that there isn’t any meat here, and that’s because that’s because the recipe I got from Applejack is for a vegetarian chili.

But enough gabbing, let’s get started!

Okay, first I need to turn on the hot plate, set it to medium heat, and warm some olive oil in the pot until it shimmers. Easy enough.

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Perfect. Now I need to add the onions, carrots, celery, peppers, and about a ¼ teaspoon of salt. Then, I need to stir all of the vegetables together until they’re tender.

I should note that the Apple Family recipe calls for yellow hot wax and red cayenne peppers, but I’m going to be adding sweet bell and cherry peppers instead since they’re not as spicy. Sorry to deviate from the recipe like this, Applejack, but I’m not taking any chances of having a repeat of the quesadilla incident here.

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Okay, I think they vegetables are good and tender. Now I add the garlic, cumin, paprika, oregano, and the secret Apple Family chili powder. Applejack said that Granny Smith’s chili powder is what makes her family’s chili so special, so I think as long as I include it I’m okay to use milder peppers and such.

Anyways, now I need to stir all of this in for about a minute.

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Whew, I think the fragrance I’m smelling right now tells me I’m good to move on to the next step, which is adding the tomatoes, beans, and broth.

Aaaaand, all added. I have to admit, this is starting to smell pretty good.

So now comes the longest part of the process; I have to stir all of this for about 30 minutes while it simmers. Not only that, but I’m going to have to adjust the heat occasionally to make sure it doesn’t simmer too much.

I’m sure none of you want to watch me stir chili for 30 minutes, so I’m going to time jump with the magic of video editing.

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Okay, it’s been 30 minutes and the chili has sufficiently simmered. Now, the recipe says to transfer about 1 ½ cups of it into the blender, making sure to get some of the liquid portion in their too.

When I asked Applejack about this part, she said that doing this helps with the texture of the chili, which I guess is a pretty important aspect of chili.

Whelp, into the blender you go, chili.

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Aaaaaand, 1 ½ cups exactly with plenty of liquid portion. Now we just blend until it becomes smooth. This part shouldn’t take long.

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Nope, not long at all. So now that it’s smooth, we pour the blended mixture back into the pot, add some cilantro, and stir it in.

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Now, for the final touch, we mix in vinegar and salt until we’ve got it just the way we want it.

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Hmm, I think I got the vinegar just right, but I think it still needs a bit more salt.

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Mhmmm, better!

Okay, I think it's ready.

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Well, I’ve got my bowl of chili and am prepared for my first full taste of chili. Here I go!

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Oh, oh this is good, this is really good! And it’s not that spicy at all!

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Hmm, oh yeah!

I can’t believe I’ve never had this until now.

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So as you can see I’ve finished my bowl, but that was so good I think I’ll have another!

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Oh, so good!

You know, I made enough chili for about six servings and was planning on sharing some with Spike, but this is so good I think I’m going to save it all for myself instead.

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Whelp, that does it for my second bowl, and as much I would like a third one I should probably stop at two.

So yeah, chili, not bad. Not only did it taste really good, but it was also pretty fun to make too! I’m going to have to thank Applejack for that recipe next time I see her.

And with that, thank you all for watching another episode of Twilight Tries and I hope to see you ag…

Oh, oh my stomach.

Hehe, sorry about that, just a little gurgle.

So like I was saying, I hope to see…

Oh sweet Celestia, my stomach! Oh, it hasn’t felt like this since that time I had the quesadi…Oh no.

Oh no, no, no, no, no!

How could this happen, the chili was barely spicy! I even used the mildest peppers possible!

How? How?!

Wait a second…Granny Smith’s chili powder! Oh merciful Luna, what was in that stuff?!

Ooooh, doesn’t much matter at this point, does it?

SPIKE! CODE 12, GET THE IMODIUM!

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WELL THEN GO AND GET SOME!

AND THEN GO FIND APPLEJACK, BRING HER BACK HERE, AND MAKE HER STAND OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM DOOR SO I CAN YELL AT HER!

Sorry, everypony, gotta go.

See you next time.

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to DanishDash for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Solving a Rubik's Cube

Oh honestly, Starlight, it’s just a toy. How can a toy drive me crazy?

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I know it can be challenging, but that’s part of the fun, isn’t it?

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Just because you were driven crazy by it once doesn’t mean I will.

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Language, Starlight!

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Well we’ll just see about that, now won’t we?

Oh, the little light is on.

Hi again, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

On today’s episode, I’ll be trying…to solve a Rubik’s Cube!

Now today’s episode is very special, because it’s serving a double purpose. Of course there’s the main purpose of adding another episode to my show, but it’s also to settle a little bet.

See, a few days ago my friend Starlight Glimmer and I were talking about some of our favorite toys from fillyhood and at one point Starlight said, and I quote, ‘I can tell you one toy that wasn’t my favorite; the Rubik’s Cube. Remember those things? They maddening, am I right?’. It was then that I told Starlight I’d never tried solving a Rubik’s Cube before, and that’s when I said that doing so would be a great episode for this series!

Now, when I told Starlight I wanted to try solving a Rubik’s Cube, she said, and I quotes again, ‘You may not want to do that, Twilight. Rubik’s Cubes are really challenging, and I know you’re super smart but I’ve seen some pretty smart ponies driven crazy trying to solve them. I just wouldn’t want to see that happen to you.’

Now I know Starlight’s heart was in the right place when she said that, but I couldn’t help but feel a tad insulted that she thought I couldn’t solve a Rubik’s Cube. As such, I proposed a little wager with her. If I couldn’t solve a Rubik’s Cube, I’d give her my signed copy of Daring Do and the Marked Thief of Marapore. But if I could solve it, she’d have to give me her secret recipe for tea cakes.

And I know it sounds like I have more to lose in that wager, but trust me, Starlight’s tea cakes are phenomenal, and if I had her secret recipe I could make them anytime I wanted!

Anyways, Starlight agreed to the wager and so here we are.

So as you can see, I have my Rubik’s Cube with all the colors mish-mashed on all sides. We’ve got white, red, blue, orange, green, and yellow.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Rubik’s Cube, the objective is to get each face of the cube to have only one color, though you probably could have deduced that yourself.

Now I did a little reach into the Rubik’s Cube before starting this video and learned some very fascinating things about it. It turns out that there are over 43 quintillion permutations that can be reached solely by turning the sides of the cube, can you believe that?! And if you consider permutations reached through disassembly of the cube, that number goes all the way up to 519 quintillion! Isn’t math fun?!

Ah-hem.

Anywho, enough about the cube itself, let’s get started!

Oh, one thing I should mention before I actually start.

As a condition of my wager with Starlight, I’m not allowed use magic at all, not even to hold the cube. This is because there are spells that can be used to solve the cube, at least according to Starlight. So, I’m going to be hoofing it!

Hehehe.

Get it, ‘hoofing it’?

Hehehe…ho.

That was terrible, I’m sorry.

I’m just going to stop talking and start now.

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*HUM HUM HUM*

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Oh look, I’ve already got this entire side green!

Get ready to give me that tea cake recipe, Starlight!

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Beginner’s luck my flank! This isn’t difficult at all!

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Oh shoot, I lost my perfect green side.

Eh, it’s okay though, I’ll get it back eventually.

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Okay, still haven’t gotten my green side back.

Nor have I gotten any other sides just one color.

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While I’m working on this, do you want to know a fun fact? The Rubik’s Cube was originally called the Magic Cube, and it wasn’t until six years after its creation that it was renamed after its creator, Hungarian sculptor and professor of architecture Ernő Rubik. Pretty neat, huh?

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Ugh, I think I screwed up after getting that green side. I should undo what I’ve done since then and get it back.

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Um, I don’t remember what I’ve done since losing that green side.

This is bad.

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No I’m not giving up, Starlight!

I’m just, um…taking a step back. Yeah, I’m…solving the puzzle in my head before I solve it with my hooves.

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Oh well says you!

I swear, when that pony thinks she’s right her ego inflates to the size of Manehattan.

Okay, I’m just going to put the cube down and assess the situation.

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Hmmmm, I can’t really tell if this is any better or worse than it was before I started.

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Assessing the situation isn’t helping very much.

Although, I am seeing a good concentration of yellow on this one side, so I guess I’ll just pick the cube back up and try to get that side perfect next.

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Oh come on! How did I manage to get the yellow squares even more mish-mashed?!

Ugh, fine, I guess I’ll work on blue now, there seems to be a lot of them over here.

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Are you kidding me?! What is wrong with this thing?!

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UUUUUUUUUGH! WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTIME I TRY TO WORK WITH A COLOR I END UP SCATTERING IT’S SQUARES EVEN MORE?!

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STOP LAUGHING, GLIMMER!

THIS ISN’T OVER, NOT BY A LONG SHOT!

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I KNOW I’M FRUSTRATED! DON’T YOU THINK I REALIZE THAT?!

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SCREW THE WAGER! THIS ISN’T ABOUT THE WAGER ANYMORE! THIS ABOUT SHOWING THIS STUPID CUBE IT CAN’T BEAT ME!

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Hehehe, I’m going to beat you, Rubik’s Cube. I’m going to beat you if it’s the last thing I do.

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Okay, you may have noticed by the lack of light coming in from the windows that it’s nighttime now.

And I..I…

I CAN’T SOLVE THE RUBIK’S CU-U-UBE!

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Oh, t-thank you Spike, I could u-use a tissue.

*SNORT*

Sorry about that, but I just can’t believe I can’t solve this thing. I mean, I know there’s got to be some method to it, but I just don’t understand why I haven’t found it.

Well, whatever, I’m not going to drive myself any crazier than I already have on this. Maybe someday I’ll try solving the cube again, but for now I’m throwing in the towel.

Thanks for watching, and hopefully next time on Twilight Tries I’ll try something less infuriating.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get my signed copy of Daring Do and the Marked Thief of Marapore.

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to sonicfan05 for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Watching The Star Wars Holiday Special

Come on, Spike, it can’t be that bad.

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Well how would you know? You’ve never seen it either.

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Look, it’s my show and this is what I want to do for the next episode.

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Honestly, Spike, I think you’re being a little overdramat…Oh, the recording’s already started.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Ooh, I’m really looking forward to today’s episode, because I’m going to try…watching the Star Wars Holiday Special!

Anypony who knows anything about me knows that I love Star Wars; I’ve seen all the movies, read all the books, both in the Legends and Disney canons, and watched all the various TV series. Yes, even Resistance.

However, despite my love of Star Wars, there’s one piece of it I’ve never experienced, and that’s the Holiday Special. This is mostly because it’s been pretty hard for me to find any copies of it. Fortunately though, my friend Pinkie’s sister, Maud, recently unearthed an entire shipping container with copies inside by accident while on one of her geological surveys, so problem solved!

Now, Spike keeps telling me that the Holiday Special is, and I quote, ‘The epitome of garbage’ but I don’t believe him, primarily because he’s never seen it so how would he know?

And come on, it’s Star Wars! Even if it’s not great it can’t be as bad as all that.

But enough chit-chat, let’s get watching!

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Ooh, opening with Han and Chewie getting shot at by the Empire. So far so good.

Seems like Chewie’s trying to get home for something called ‘Life Day’. I wonder if that’s anything like Hearths Warming.

OH, THE THEME SONG!

Da da da daaa daaa da da da daaa daaa~

Ahem, sorry, I went a little too fangirl there.

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It really is amazing how they got everyone from the movie back for this. Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, even Peter Mayhew as Chewie!

Oh, it looks like Chewie has a family, how nice.

So, his wife’s name is Malla, his son’s name Lumpy, and his father’s name is…Itchy? What’s his mother’s name, Scratchy?

Hehe, good on Twilight.

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That was too a good joke, Spike!

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Wow, quiet a lineup of guest stars; Bea Arthur, Art Carney, Diane Carroll, Harvey Korman, and Jefferson Starship. I’m impressed!

With so much great talent behind this thing, I don’t see how it could possibly be as bad as Spike says.

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Oh, we will see, Spike, because I’m going to watch the whole thing, no matter what!

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Fine, I won’t say you didn’t warn me!

Okay, looks like it’s really getting underway now. Let’s watch.

---

So, we’re about five minutes in and all we’ve seen so far is Chewie’s family walking around their house speaking shyriiwook. I’m not even sure what the plot is yet.

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Oh, Lumpy’s doing something, he’s…watching a holographic Cirque De Sol thing?

Um, okay.

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Well that part was a little weird. Not very Star Wars-y either.

Aaaand now we’re back to Chewie’s family walking around their house speaking shyriiwook.

You know, if they were going to put so much shryiiwook in this they could have maybe added subtitles.

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Oh look, Chewie’s family is calling Luke!

Yay! I love you, Luke!

Sorry, I got too excited again.

But come on, Mark Hamill in his prime? Hubba-hubba.

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I’ll stop talking now.

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Uh, is it just me, or does Mark Hamill seem a little…dead inside. Just look at his eyes, it’s like he’s not really there.

I mean, I can tell he’s trying his best, but geez, it almost feels like he’s only doing this because someone put a gun to his head or something.

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Well, that’s it for Luke for now. Honestly though, I’m a little relieved. His eyes were like those of a cold, lifeless doll. Whoo.

But now it looks like we get some Art Carney! He’s always fun!

---

I have never seen Art Carney be so boring before.

Much like Mark Hamill I can tell he’s making an effort, but why is it so bad?

Frankly, I think it’s all because of the writing. This story is so bland and uninteresting so far, and aside from that Han and Chewie moment right at the beginning it doesn’t even feel like Star Wars.

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It’ll get better, Spike, I’m sure!

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Aha, Darth Vader! See, Spike, I told you it’s get bett…THAT WAS IT?! VADER WAS ONLY ON SCREEN FOR 15 SECONDS!

Okay, calm down Twilight, he’ll probably be back later.

Just keep watching, it can only get better.

---

It’s not getting better!

Honestly, who thought dressing Harvey Korman up in drag and having him prepare food on a video screen while Chewie’s wife watches would be entertaining?!

You know, so far this so called ‘Star Wars Holiday Special’ has very little to do with Star Wars or the holidays. I still don’t even know what Life Day is for Celestia’s sake!

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Oh good, we’re back to Han and Chewie! Finally, some actual Star Wars action!

---

And just like that, the actual Star Wars action is over.

Now we get to watch Chewie’s dad watch some erotic VR thing of Diane Carroll in the middle of the living room.

Fun.

---

Oh look, it's Carrie Fisher.

Forgive my less than enthusiastic attitude about that, I love Princess Leia and all but I’m managing my expectations at this point. I just get the feeling this is going to be like the part with Mark Hamill.

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Yep, just like the part with Mark Hamill.

---

Here’s a question I bet we’ll all asking right now; Why would an Imperial officer take time out of his search for the rebels to watch a Jefferson Starship music video?

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I don’t know either, but that’s what’s happening at this very moment.

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It’s not even a very good Jefferson Starship music video either, which I didn’t even think was possible. But this thing found a way.

---

And now we have a random animated part that has nothing to do with the larger story, because why not?

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Hey, Boba Fett. That’s pretty cool.

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What was that Spike?! This was Boba Fett’s first appearance in Star Wars?!

Huh, neat.

---

MAKE!

*BUMP*

IT!

*BUMP*

STOP!!!

*BUMP*

Ow.

Sorry you had to see me bang my head on the coffee table like that, but I just can’t take much more of this! I mean, just look, we’re watching Harvey Korman on another video screen tell Lumpy how to assemble a mini transmitter!

WHO THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE ENTERTAINING?! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH STAR WARS!

*BUMP*

Ow.

---

Hehehe.

I’m going to finish this, yes I am. I don’t care how bad it gets. I don’t care how long I have to watch Harvey Korman sexually harass Bea Arthur in a cantina on Tatooine, I will see this through to the end.

Hehehe.

---

Oh my gosh, could it be?! Is it really?!

Yes, it is! Chewie’s finally home!

Now we can finally get to see what the hell Life Day is!

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It’s over.

IT’S OVER AND I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL LIFE DAY IS! ALL I KNOW ABOUT IT IS THAT WOOKIE’S PUT ON RED ROBES AND DO SOME KIND OF WICCAN RITUAL WHILE PRINCESS LEIA SINGS A SONG!

*DEEP BREATHING*

I am so sorry I subjected you all to that. I promise the next episode of Twilight Tries will feature something more…objectively good.

*DEEP BREATHING*

At any rate, thanks for watching, everypony.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to watch Empire Strikes Back to remind myself that Star Wars as a whole isn’t the epitome of garbage.

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Paintball

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

As you may have guessed from the fact that I’m outside right now, today I’m going to be trying something a bit more physically demanding than usual. Today, I’m going to be trying…paintball!

And here to help me with my first paintball experience is my good friend and paintball veteran, Rainbow Dash!

Say hi to everypony, Rainbow.

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The camera is for my vlog.

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Having a vlog is not an ‘egghead’ thing, Rainbow. There are many different kinds of ponies who have vlogs.

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Look, the camera won’t get in the way. I have a special helmet that will hold it while we’re playing.

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Fine, fine, whatever you say.

So if you’re wondering why I’m trying paintball, the answer is really quite simple; Rainbow Dash asked me to join her today. As I mentioned earlier, Rainbow is a paintball veteran. She’s played many times before but she’s always done it alone. Well she recently decided she wanted to try it with a friend and when she asked me to join her I, as a good friend, said I would be happy to.

Plus, I get another episode of Twilight Tries out of it. But I’m primarily doing this because my friend asked me to, honest.

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Anyways, if you’ll look over here, you’ll see all the gear that I got in order to play paintball. I’ve got my special mask, protective clothing, various pads, and of course, my paintball gun.

Now I want to take a minute to really show you the paintball gun I got because I think it’s pretty neat. This is an A51 HK Luxe X paintball gun, complete with x-core bolt system, pro-lock frame system, freak XL barrel system, HK Army S trigger system, opti-breach chamber system, max-flow inline regulator, flex-power battery system, and ice-coated friction system.

I have no idea what any of that actually means, but when Rainbow Dash was helping me pick a paintball gun she said that it all means that the A51 HK Luxe X is top-of-the-line, so it’s what I went with.

And it had better be top-of-the-line for what I paid for it, I’ll tell you that.

Oh, it looks like everypony is gathering around the referee pony for the rules and safety rundown. I better get going.

---

Okay, so we just got the rules and safety rundown. All pretty simple and common sense stuff, but one thing I just learned is that we’re going to be playing in teams.

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Well I thought it was going to be battle royale style, Rainbow! How was I supposed to know it’s in teams?

So anyways, we’re going to get our teams based on the color hoofband we pull out of that box over there. A few other ponies have already gotten their teams, and it appears that there are only going to be two teams, one red and one blue. Guess I better go find out which team I’ll be on.

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Looks like I’m on blue team. Go blue team!

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You’re on blue team too, Rainbow? That’s great!

Oh, the referee pony is calling for everypony’s attention. I wonder if she forgot to mention something earlier.

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What’s that? She’s going to ask each team to pick a leader?

Oh, okay.

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Yeah, that doesn’t really surprise me, Rainbow. Based on how much you do this I’d have been surprised if you hadn’t been team leader before.

Now come on, let’s go join the rest of our team.

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So, here’s the rest of the blue team! Not a bad looking group of ponies; another pegasus, a unicorn, and a couple of earth ponies.

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What?!

You all want me to be team leader?!

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I-I’m flattered, really, but this is actually me first time playing paintball so I don’t think I should be team leader.

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No, really, I think it would be best if we had a team leader with more experience. My friend Rainbow Dash here would be more than happy to…

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What? Are you sure, Rainbow?

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They do seem pretty determined that I be team leader.

*SIGH*

Okay, I’ll do it, but only if you agree to be my second-in-command. I’m going to need all the help I can get here.

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Thanks, Rainbow.

It looks like the other team has chosen their leader as well, so I’m guessing we’re going to be starting pretty soon.

Wish me luck, everypony!

---

I have to say, I really like that we’re playing this in a forest. I don’t know why, but it just makes the whole experience feel more…real.

Even though we haven’t come across any ponies from the red team yet, I feel like I’m a soldier in something like Apocalypse Now or Platoon. I know that should probably freak me out a little, but it’s surprisingly exhilarating.

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Well I guess that makes sense, Rainbow. See, neurologically speaking, whenever we feel a heightened sense of…

Ah! That paintball almost hit me.

Wait, paintball!

EVERYPONY TAKE COVER!

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Okay, we’ve engaged the enemy, or rather, the enemy has engaged us.

DOES ANYPONY HAVE EYES ON THE SHOOTER?!

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In the trees? Good eye, Rainbow! Think you can fly up there and deal with them?

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Got it.

EVERYPONY, LAY DOWN SUPPRESSING FIRE!

AAAAAAAAH!

---

Well, that was unexpected. I never thought the other team would try and pick us off with a sniper. I didn’t even think it was possible to snipe with a paintball gun.

You learn something new everyday.

So anyways, Rainbow Dash managed to take out the pony from the red team that was shooting at us but we lost one of our own in the process, which means the teams are still even in terms of the number of players. But I’m not worried.

I’ve sent Rainbow on a recon mission to see if we can find out where the red team is, she should be back shortly.

In the meantime, I think I’m going to check on the rest of my team.

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How’s everypony doing?

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That’s good, and it’s nice to meet you all as well.

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Willow Dawn, Amber Meadow, and Indigo Sky. Happy to have you all on the team!

Oh, it looks like Rainbow Dash is back.

What did you see, Rainbow?

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The entire red team is regrouping about one klick south?

Um, how far is one ‘klick’, exactly?

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Oh, okay. That’s actually not that far, if we hurry we might be able to launch a sneak attack.

Come on, everyone, we’re moving out!

---

Yep, the entire red team is down there, just like Rainbow Dash said. It looks like they haven’t spotted us yet, so that’s good. The question is, how do we go about beating them?

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A pincer move? You really think that will work, Rainbow?

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Okay, I trust you.

Amber and I will move to the eastern flank. Willow and Indigo, you two move to the western flank. Rainbow, you stay here and wait for us to get into position. Once I give you the signal, start firing.

After Rainbow’s got their attention, the rest of us will move in and attack from both flanks simultaneously.

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The signal will be a chickadee call.

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Just listen for a loud bird call, Rainbow.

All right, everypony, let’s get into position.

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Looks like everypony’s in position. Here we go.

*CHICKADEE NOISES*

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Wow, look at Rainbow go! Does she even need our help?

What am I saying, of course she does. Let’s go, Amber!

AAAAAAAAH!

GET SOME, YOU RED SONS OF DONKEYS!

---

Whew, that got intense! I mean, wow! I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a rush of endorphins before!

Sorry, I need a few seconds to calm down.

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Okay, I’m good.

So, yeah, we won. Yay, blue team!

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I should be thanking you, Rainbow. If you hadn’t invited me I probably never would’ve tried this.

I’m just glad you still had a good time even though I was chosen as team leader.

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True, this victory wouldn’t have been possible without you.

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Some celebratory cider? Sounds good, just give me a minute to wrap up this video.

So paintball was a lot of fun! I’m not sure I’d want to do it as much as Rainbow Dash does, but it’s definitely something I’d like to do again someday.

Anyways, as always thank you all for watching this episode of Twilight Tries!

See you next time!

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to TigerCat111 for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Speed Dating

Hi there, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So you’ve probably noticed that I’m not exactly at home right now. I’m here at the Hayburger in Ponyville to try something that…I….

*SIGH*

I’m sorry, I’m just a bit nervous about what it is I’m planning on trying today. I’ve never tried anything like it before and I’m just feeling a bit unsure about the whole thing I guess.

Oh, I should probably tell you what it is I’m trying today, shouldn’t I? It’s…speed dating.

Now I’m sure you’re probably asking yourself two questions; Why are you trying speed dating, Twilight, and why are you recording it for your vlog? I’ll answer the aforementioned one first.

You see, I’ve... never been on a date before.

Yeah, I know, I’m in my 20’s and I’ve never been on a date before; what the hell’s wrong with me?

Well, the fact of the matter is, I’m a bit shy when it comes to asking somepony out on a date. I can make friends easily, but for some reason whenever I even think about asking somepony out on a date I get as meek and timid as my friend, Fluttershy. The best reason I can figure for this is that I’m afraid of rejection. Somepony turning down my friendship is one thing, but somepony turning my heart down, that’s another.

This is all especially hard for me because I do want to date, I want to find a special somepony to share my life with someday, but I…just can’t seem to get over that initial hurtle.

But that’s why I’m speed dating today, because speed dating isn’t about meeting that special somepony right off the bat, it’s about meeting new ponies. In other words, it’s not as intimidating as traditional dating.

Now as for why I’m recording this for an episode of Twilight Tries, well…

Okay, I’m just going to admit it; I needed something for a new episode and this was the most convenient thing. I was already registered for this thing and figured I’d kill two birds with one stone. Starlight thinks I’m just being lazy with this one, but seeing as how she doesn’t understand how difficult it is doing a vlog like this I don’t really care what she thinks about it.

I’m rambling.

Anywhoo, while the organizers finish getting everything ready, why don’t I explain how speed dating works for all of you who might not familiar with it.

Speed dating is fairly simple, it involves a group of single ponies going on quickfire dates with each other. As you can see behind me, there are a number of tables throughout the restaurant with only two seats at each one. The mares will stay seated at the same table the entire time and the stallions will move from table to table about every three minutes. If two ponies seem to hit it off and want a second date, they’ll exchange contact information.

See, simple, and not too intimidating.

Oh, it looks like this thing is about to get underway. I better go find a seat.

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Welp, I’m at my table and I’m ready to go!

And here comes my first date now.

Hi, I’m Twilight Sparkle.

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It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Silver Tail. I see you have a quill and ink pot cutie mark, are you a writer by chance?

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You’re a freelance writer? I see.

What types of things have you written?

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Oh, flat Equestria theory articles. How…interesting.

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And articles about how Celestia planned the changeling invasion of Canterlot. That’s…interesting as well.

Ahehe.

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Um, no, I can’t say I’ve ever heard about how our world in actual just a TV show created to sell toys before.

Oh sweet Celestia.

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*DING*

The bell!

I mean, oh, the bell. I guess our time is up.

Well, it was nice meeting you, Silver Tail. Good luck with your, um, theories.

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Okay, bit of a rocky start. I’m sure the rest of the stallions here will be less…barmy.

---

Hi there, I’m Twilight Spark-

Oh my, that’s…quite a hoofshake you’ve got there.

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‘Welcome to the gun show’? I’m not sure I follow.

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Oh, you were referring to your muscles.

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Um, you really don’t need to flex like that. I can tell they’re impressive without it.

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Yes, I can imagine you workout quite a bit to get them that big.

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Are seeing this? He’s kissing his muscles.

Who does that?

---

Hi there, I’m Twilight Sparkle.

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Oh, you…want to show me a picture of your ex-marefriend.

Okie dokie then.

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Oh, yes, she’s very beautiful.

Very beautiful indeed.

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She was a really gifted singer too?

You don’t say.

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You did everything together, huh?

That sounds, um, nice.

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She broke up with you because she thought you were being too obsessive and clingy.

That seems...difficult to believe.

---

Hello, I’m Twilight…

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Oh, you’re a big fan of mine? Well, thank you.

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Uh, no, I didn’t know there was a ‘Princess Twilight Fan Club’ and that you’re the president of it.

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I mean, I’m honored and all, but I don’t really think I deserve a fan club.

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Um, I’m glad you think so highly of me, but could you please stop leaning across the table so much? You’re kind of invading my personal space.

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Oh, no, no, it’s fine, really.

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No, really, it’s fine, there’s no need to start crying. I was just…caught off-guard is all.

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Oh dear.

Look, I swear I don’t hate you or anything. I think you’re really, um, friendly. Honest.
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You want to talk wedding cakes?

Greaaaat.

Where is that dang bell already?

---

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This guy’s been talking nonstop since he sat down. I can’t get a single word in edgewise.

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---

Hi, I’m…Sunburst?!

Oh my gosh, it’s so good to see you!

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So what are you doing here? I never figured you for the speed dating type.

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Um, I’m sorry ma’am, who are you?

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You’re Sunburst's mom?

Oh, wow, it is so nice to meet you…here…at speed dating…with your son.

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Oh, yes, I’m sure you only want what’s best for Sunburst.

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Well you certainly seem like a...devoted parent.

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Yes, I’m well aware of how accomplished your son is.

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And how handsome he is too, yes.

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Umhmm, any mare would be lucky to have him indeed.

She's winking at me now.

Somepony please end this.

---

Oh thank Celestia it’s over!

Seriously, I don’t know how much more of that I could take. None of those of dates were pleasant, at all. I mean, I thought when I saw Sunburst that I’d have at least one good date, but then his mom made it the worst one of all.

*SIGH*

So yeah, speed dating. I tried it, and I’m never doing it again. In fact, I think I’m done with any kind of dating for a while. I’m sure I’ll find a special somepony someday, but for now I’m just going to enjoy being single and appreciate the fact that things aren’t near as bad as they could be for me romantically.

As always, thanks for watching, everypony!

Until next time!

Author's Notes:

Fun fact: One of Twilight's dates was based on an actual first date I had once. I'm not going to tell you which one though.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Reading Fanfiction

Hi there, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So today is a very special episode of Twilight Tries, because today I’m going to try…reading fanfiction!

That’s right, there are ponies out there who have written fanfiction about me! In fact, there are so many of them that there’s an entire website dedicated solely to posting Twilight-related fanfics!

*SQUEE*

I’m sorry if I seem overly excited about all this, but I just can’t believe it.

I mean, I know there are a lot of ponies out there who respect and look up to me, but I never imagined there’d be any that would admire me so much that they’d write fanfiction about me.

Not only that, but the sheer number of ponies writing Twilight-related fanfics is just…overwhelming. That website I told you about, it says there are over 9000 registered users! Can you believe that?! OVER 9000!

Wait, did I just make a Dragonball Z reference?

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I did not make it on purpose, Spike! I’ve never even watched that anime, I just know the one meme from it!

Anyways, when I learned about all the fanfiction written about me I just had to give reading some of it a try and I thought, ‘Hey, make it into an episode of Twilight Tries.’

So, here we are.

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Oh come on, Spike, it’s just fanfiction! I know it’s not all going to be good, not everypony is as talented as A.K Yearling or Virginia Timberwoolf when it comes to writing.

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The content of the fanfiction? What are you…you know what, no, don’t tell me, I need to find out on my own.

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Ha ha, very funny. Go ahead and have a therapist on standby if you want to, I seriously doubt I’ll be needing one.

Honestly, that dragon can just be such an exaggerating worrywart sometimes.

Anywhoo, I’ve printed off a few interesting sounding fanfics and I'm ready to get going!

The first fanfic I’ll be reading is called, ‘A Weathering Friendship’ and is about me and my friend Applejack.

Ooh, I like it already. Let’s get reading!

Ahem.

‘It was a dark and stormy night in Ponyville as Princess Twilight Sparkle lied alone in her bed, trying to ignore the loud cracks of thunder as they rolled across the sky. “Oh, I wish the thunder would stop. It’s so scary.” She said to herself as she pulled the covers over her head.’

Okay, bit of a strange start because I’m not afraid of thunder, but let’s see where this is going.

‘”I wish Applejack were here.” The princess timidly exclaimed. “She’s not afraid of anything and could protect me from the thunder.”’

Really?! I am not that timid! Heck, even Fluttershy’s not that timid! Whoever wrote this doesn’t know me at all!

Deep breathes, Twilight, deep breathes.

*DEEP BREATHING*

Just keep reading, I’m sure it’ll get better.

‘Just then, Twilight heard a noise that wasn’t thunder. A noise that sounded like hoof steps. “W-Who’s there?” She asked as she peeked over the covers. “It’s me, Twilight.” Applejack soothingly replied as she approached the bed. “Applejack!” Twilight happily shouted. “How did you know I needed you?” “Your heart called out to me, Twilight.” Applejack lovingly answered.’

Huh?

‘”Oh, Applejack, I need you. I’ve always needed you.” Twilight confessed. “I know.” Applejack said as she crawled into bed with Twilight. “And I’ll always be here for you, Twilight.” Then, Applejack kissed Twilight on the lips and…’

WHAT?! APPLEJACK AND I ARE JUST FRIENDS, NOT LOVERS!

Hang on a second while I read ahead and see what the rest of this is like.

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Oh, oh my.

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Okay, I definitely wouldn’t do that to Applejack, nor she to me!

You know what? I’m just going to put this story aside. It was getting a little too…lewd to continue reading on my vlog. I certainly hope that the rest of these fanfics aren’t like this.

I really hope Applejack never reads 'A Weathering Friendship'.

Let’s just move on, shall we?

This next story is called, ‘Dawn of a New Princess’ and is about me doing battle with Queen Chrysalis. I’m guessing this is a re-imagining of how I became a princess, where instead of finishing one of Starswirl the Bearded’s spells I defeat Queen Chrysalis.

Ahem.

‘Twilight Sparkle stood in the empty field as she stared down her opponent, Queen Chrysalis of the Changelings. “Whatever it is you’re planning, I’ll stop you, Chrysalis.” She bravely declared. “Oh, we’ll just see about that.” Chrysalis retorted just before flapping her wings and lunging at Twilight.’

Okay, this is more like it.

‘Twilight quickly put up a magic shield to protect herself from Chrysalis’ attack. In response, Chrysalis fired a beam of magic from her horn, but it did not penetrate the shield. “You’re going to have to better than that, Chrysalis.” Twilight taunted her opponent as she lowered her shield in order to fire her own beam of magic. But when Twilight lowered her shield, Chrysalis was gone.’

Uh-oh, where did Chrysalis go?

‘Twilight looked all around her, but could see no sign of the changeling queen. Just as she looked up, however, Chrysalis grabbed hold of her from above/ “Gotcha!” She shouted as she began to wrap Twilight up in a cocoon.’

Wait, I get captured by Chrysalis?

‘”W-What’s happening to me?” Twilight asked as her body started to feel warmer. “You’re becoming a changeling princess.” Chrysalis seductively explained. “And I think you’ll find the transformation to be most…pleasurable.” As Chrysalis talked, Twilight began to feel a tingling sensation in her…’

Whoo, whoo, whoo, the hell?! This story is about me being transformed into a changeling and getting sexual pleasure from it?!

Who comes up with this stuff?!

Okay, definitely not reading anymore of that one.

Let me just go through the rest of these real quick and find something that couldn’t possibly be lewd.

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No, not that one.

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Definitely not that one, even the name sounds lewd.

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Ah, here’s a good one. ‘Twilight and Shining’s Bonding Time’, and is a story about me and my brother. There’s no way this could be about anything other than me and Shining Armor spending some quality time together.

Ahem.

‘Twilight Sparkle walked down the hallway towards her bedroom, excited that it was once again that time of the week where she and her brother would spend some quality time together.’

See, what’d I tell ya.

‘As Twilight opened the door to her room, she saw that Shining Armor was already on her bed… all tied up...and wearing a rubber suit…

Nope, uh-uh, no way, I know where this is going and I am not going to read one more word of it! I mean…wow! Me and my brother, just…wow!

If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I think I need to go throw up a little.

---

Sorry about that.

So, yeah, fanfiction. I…honestly don’t know what to think about it, probably because I don’t want to think about it now. It certainly is, um, creative, I guess, but I think I’ll just stick to my usual books for when I'm looking for reading material.

Anyways, thanks as always for watching everyone, and see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Hey, Spike, do you have that therapist on standby?!

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Doing Her Own Taxes

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Now before I get going with today’s episode, I feel like I should say something about it. What I’m going to be trying today is something I know most ponies find tedious and unpleasant, so some of you might not find it as interesting as some of the other things I try on this vlog.

Having said that, if you end up wanting to skip this episode, I’ll understand. Besides, I’m really only doing this as part of my vlog because it’s a first for me anyways.

Anywhoo, today on Twilight Tries I’ll be trying to…

*SIGH*

…do my taxes.

For those of you who weren’t immediately turned off by that and are still watching, allow me to explain.

You see, ever since I was old enough to have to file taxes I’ve done so by hiring a tax accountant to do it for me because that what everypony in my family has done. In fact, my parents, brother, and I have all used the same tax accountant, Tax Exempt. I guess you could say she’s our family accountant, or at least she was.

See, when I went to take all my tax forms to her in Canterlot last week, her office was deserted. She didn’t leave any kind of note on the door or apparently even say anything to anypony about leaving, she just…disappeared without a trace.

Pretty strange, right? I mean, why would a tax account just suddenly disappear like that? I hope she’s okay.

Anyways, with Tax Exempt gone and pretty much every other tax accountant in Equestria already too busy to take on any new clients, I’ve more or less been forced into a position where I have to do my own taxes. But I’m not really worried, I pretty sure I can handle it. Frankly the only reason I was using a tax accountant in the first place was because I didn’t feel like spending the time it takes to do taxes, not because I felt I couldn’t do them on my own.

So, yeah, that’s why I’m doing my taxes for the first time today. If you’re still watching after that lengthy explanation, then thank you.

Welp, I’ve got a Form 1040, all my various income tax forms, and copy of the ETC, or Equestrian Tax Code, right here so I might as well get started.

Here we go!

*SIGH*

It feels weird acting enthusiastic about taxes, even if it is for the sake of entertainment.

Okay, so the first thing I need to do is enter the information from my Wage and Tax Statement, or W-2, onto the Form 1040.

Let’s see now, W-2, W-2...

.

.

Um, I’m not finding a W-2 in my income tax forms folder. I have a W-2G, but no plain-old W-2. Why don’t I have a W-2?

I know I should have received one by now, we’re well past the date where all tax forms needed to be sent out, it would’ve come in the mail already.

Hmm, hang on a moment while I check the ETC about the W-2.

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.

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Oh, well isn’t that interesting.

So according to the ETC, because I’m a princess my income is reported on Form 1099-G and not a W-2.

Geez, you think the Form 1040 would have made mention of that somewhere.

Let’s see now, 1099-G…Ah-ah, got it!

Well, as long as I have the form for reporting my income tax that’s the important thing. So just let me write all this information down on the Form 1040.

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Wait. If the W-2G isn’t my income from wages, then what is it income from?

Eh, I’m not going to worry about that right now.

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Okay, that does it for my income from wages. Now we move on to income from other sources, such as interest and dividends, all of which should be reported on, um…hold on.

.

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Ah, interest and dividends are reported on…more 1099 forms.

Great.

I’m just going to pull out every form in my folder that has a 1099 on it, give me a sec.

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Alright, aside from the 1099-G from earlier, I gave three other 1099 forms; a 1099-INT, a 1099-DIV, and a 1099-MISC.

Hmm, I get what the 1099-INT and 1099-DIV are for, but what is this 1099-MISC? There seems to be some kind of code on it; ‘S829’

Let’s see if the ETC knows what that is.

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.

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Ah, here it is; S829, income received through foreign gifts.

What?!

The gifts I received from Ember and Prince Rutherford are taxable?! Those were just gifts from friends, not gifts from foreign dignitaries!

How did the Equestrian Revenue Service even know about them, it’s not like I ever declared them or anything.

Ugh! I guess it doesn’t really matter though, does it? It’s on an official tax form so I have to include it on the Form 1040.

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.

.

Aaaaaand with those taxable gifts accounted for I now owe the ERS, or Equestrian Revenue Service, 172 bits.

.

This is only going to get worse, isn’t it?

---

Yep, it just keeps getting worse.

Every time I enter some income that wasn’t from wages the total number of bits I owe goes up. I’m now at 561 bits that I have to pay to the ERS, and I still have some forms I have haven’t entered into the 1040 yet.

You know, every year I took my taxes to Tax Exempt I never had to pay anything, I always got a refund. I guess she knew some loopholes that I don’t or something.

*SIGH*

Let’s just keep going.

Okay, it looks like this section is looking for a number of different forms. Let me see is I have any of these.

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.

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Ah-ha, this section is looking for a W-2G, which I have, and is income from…gambling?

I don’t gamble, why in Equestria would I receive a tax form for gambling?

Unless….

Starlight! Did you use my identity to register for one of those poker websites…again?!

.

.

Well it’s not my fault you keep getting kicked off of them!

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It is a problem because I’m getting taxed for your winnings!

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Ugh, look, we’ll talk about this later. Right now just tell me what your loses were so I can write them off.

---

Okay, I’m done with all the income stuff and am moving onto the credits and deductions. Hopefully this part helps ease the 1243 bits I supposedly owe, which I should note is mostly because of Starlight’s gambling winnings.

But let’s see what expenses I can deduct. I’m sure as a princess there are at least a few things I can claim.

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.

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I don’t qualify for any of these deductions or credits.

Are…you…KIDDING ME?! I AM A PRINCESS OF EQUESTRIA, HOW IN THE HELL DO I NOT QUALIFY FOR ANY OF THESE?!

WHO COMES UP WITH THESE STUPID TAX LAWS?!

*DEEP BREATHING*

I’m sorry for getting so upset like that, it's just that I don’t understand some of this.

I mean, you’d think at least some of the basic expenses of running an entire country would be tax deductible, but apparently not.

*SIGH*

You know what? Maybe I just wasn’t looking hard enough. Maybe I can find some little loophole by taking my time with this.

Let’s see now.

.

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No, I didn’t have any non-reimbursed healthcare expenses.

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I didn’t have any personal casualty losses either.

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Ah, here we go, dependents! I can claim Spike as a dependent!

I mean, I’m not 100% sure if her qualifies as a dependent, but considering he lives with me rent-free and I don’t pay him for being my assistant I’m pretty sure he qualifies.

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.

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Yes! Now I only owe 482 bits!

That’s still not ideal, but at least it’s not as bad as it was earlier. Plus like I said, most of what I owe is because of the fact that Starlight gambled under my name, and I’m going to make sure she compensates me for that.

At any rate, it looks like I’m almost done here, just a few more sections to go.

---

Aaaaaaand, done!

Phew, I’m glad that’s over with.

So I didn’t have anything for those last few sections and I still owe 482 bits to the ERS. It’s not great, but it’s not terrible either.

Well, I can say with a fair amount of confidence that my first time doing my own taxes was also my last time doing my own taxes. I was able to do them like I thought, but clearly I don’t know enough about the tax system to find loopholes and such to avoid having to pay.

First thing tomorrow I’m going out and finding a new tax accountant for next tax season.

Anyways, I hope this episode wasn’t too boring, and as always, thanks for watching Twilight Tries!

See you next time!

Author's Notes:

Happy tax season, everypony! Be sure to get your taxes in on time or you'll have to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Making a Soufflé

Hi there, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to try something I’ve been meaning to try for a long time. You’ve probably already guessed that this is going to be something food related because of the fact that I’m in my kitchen right now, and you’d be correct.

Today, I’m going to try…making a soufflé!

And I won’t just be making any old soufflé. Nope, I’ll be making a chocolate soufflé!

*SQUEE*

Oooh I’m just so excited for this episode!

Now I’m no stranger when it comes to cooking or baking. Spike and I have had one or two cook-offs in the past plus I’ve helped Pinkie Pie bake sweets at Sugarcube Corner a few times as well, but this will be my first time ever trying to make a soufflé.

What made me want to try making a soufflé, you ask? That’s simple; I wanted a challenge.

Sweet potato muffins are fun to make, but it isn’t very difficult to make them. Which is fine, of course, but after making so many of them I found that I wanted to push my skills further. I wanted to see just how good of a chef I really am, and so I decided I would try to make something more challenging. Something I’ve never tried making before.

Anywhoo, when I had lunch with Pinkie the other day and mentioned all this to her, she suggested I try making a chocolate soufflé. So, here I am, about to try making a chocolate soufflé.

Now if you’ll follow me over here, you’ll see that I have all sorts of ingredients, cooking utensils, and whatnot to make my soufflé. And right here is the recipe Pinkie gave me for what she calls, ‘Les Amourex Soufflé’. My French is a bit rusty so I don’t quite know what that means, but what I do know is that once I make it I’ll give it to Pinkie as a thank you for giving me the recipe for it.

But enough talk, let’s get started!

So the first thing I’m going to do is prep my bowl here, known as a ramekin, by lightly brushing the inside with melted butter.

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Next, I’ll dust the inside with about a tablespoon of sugar, like so, then rotate it around the ramekin so that it sticks to the butter. Any excess will just be poured out.

.

Okay, the ramekin is prepped.

Now we’ll start making the soufflé batter. As you can see, I already have some chocolate placed in this bowl here, and I’m going to place it over this pot of hot water over here. It’s noted on the recipe that the water shouldn’t be boiling or even simmering, just hot.

.

Looks good to me.

And while that sits, we can move on to making a roux. We can do this by melting some butter in a warm pan, throwing a bit of flour in once it’s melted, and whisking the flour for about a minute.

.

.

.

Okay, it’s been a minute.

From here, we reduce the heat in the pan slightly, add some cold milk, and then whisk that in as well. If we’ve done everything right, the mixture should thicken up fairly quickly.

.

Wow, that really did thicken up quickly.

So now that our roux is nice and thick, we take a spatula and move it out of the pan into our chocolate. The recipe says you can add some additional ingredients like cayenne if you like, but since this is my first soufflé I’ll skip adding any additional ingredients this time.

.

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Okay, now we take the spatula and start mixing the roux and chocolate together. After a little mixing, we add an egg yolk and then mix that in as well.

.

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Okay, I think we’re ready for the egg yolk.

.

.

Perfect! Now we just leave this over the hot water and move on to our meringue.

To make the meringue, we start by adding two large egg whites into another mixing bowl and then throwing in just a pinch of cream of tartar. Then we start mixing, periodically adding sugar to it until we have some good peaks and the mixture looks like shaving cream.

.

.

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Whelp, that looks like shaving cream to me.

Now, we take about half of this and add it to our chocolate. Once it’s added, we’re going to stir it in with our spatula.

.

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Okay, now that we’ve stirred that in, we can add the rest of our egg whites and then use our spatula to fold the batter from the bottom over the top in a circular motion until the egg whites disappear.

.

.

Boy I’ll tell ya, making a soufflé really is its own art form.

.

.

I no longer see any white, so it looks like we’re good.

Now that that’s done, we’re going to move our mixture into our ramakin.

.

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Aaaaand good.

So now, we put our ramakin on a pan and place it in the oven for baking! The oven should be 375 degrees and we’ll leave it in there for about 12 to 15 minutes.

I’m just going to do a little time skip here.

---

It’s done!

Now that it’s baked we can add some powdered sugar or cocoa for that extra little touch of flavor. I think I’m going to go with the cocoa.

.

.

Ooh, it looks so good I’m tempted to eat it myself, but I said I was going to give this to Pinkie so that’s what I’m going to do. But I have to be quick, soufflés start to fall once they come out of the oven.

So I’m going to head on over to Sugarcube Corner now and…

*LOUD DOOR OPENING NOISE*

GAH!

.

Pinkie?! What are you doing here?

.

.

Well the soufflé was fine until you barged in here and I dropped it!

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.

It’s fine, it’s just…I was going to give it to you as a thank you for giving me the recipe.

.

.

Wait, ‘Les Amourex’ means what?

.

.

‘The Lovers’?! It’s a romantic dessert?!

.

.

No, no, Pinkie, i-it’s not like that, I swear! I just didn’t know it was a romantic dessert is all!

.

.

Well of course I like you, Pinkie, just…not in that way.

.

.

Pinkie, wait!

Oh boy, I need to go clear a few things up with Pinkie.

So until next time, thanks for watching everypony.

Pinkie, let me explain!

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Assembling a Lommarp

Hi there, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to try…assembling a Lommarp!

Now I’m sure you’re probably asking yourself right now, ‘What the hay is a Lommarp and why does it need assembling?’ Well, allow me to explain.

A Lommarp isn’t actually just one thing. It’s an entire series of furniture offered by IKEA that includes cabinets, desks, media stands, and bookcases. Now obviously I’m not going to be assembling everything under the Lommarp name because I don’t need that many pieces of furniture. Plus that would take too long. No, I’ll just be assembling one of the Lommarp bookcases today.

If you’re wondering why I need a bookcase, you can just look behind me for your answer.

Do you see that empty space over there? Yeah, kind of unappealing. I needed something to fill that space with and I figured, ‘Hey, why not a bookcase? It's always good to have more storage space for books.’

So, I went to IKEA and bought myself a bookcase.

You know, I guess I should’ve just said that I would be trying to assemble a bookcase instead of a Lommarp, but saying Lommarp sounded better to me for some reason. I guess that’s just because it’s fun to say Lommarp.

Lommarp.

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Looommarp.

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Looommmaaarrrp.

Hehe.

.

I’ll stop now.

Anyways, as I’m sure many of you know practically anything you get from IKEA you have to assemble yourself, and I’ve never assembled a piece of furniture before. Hence today’s episode!

If you’ll look over here, you’ll see that I have the unassembled Lommarp, the assembly instructions, and a tool kit that I borrowed from my friend Applejack.

That should be everything, so let’s get started!

Obviously the first thing we want to do is look at the instructions, so let’s see what it is we’re supposed to do first.

.

.

Hmm, I’m noticing a distinct lack of words on these instructions. It seems to be all in pictures.

That’s…interesting.

Oh, but it looks like this one picture is telling me that I shouldn’t be assembling this alone. I should have somepony else helping me.

Well, if that’s what the instructions say.

Spike! Can you help me put this Lommarp together!

.

.

Great. Thanks, Spike.

So with Spike here now we can get to the assembly!

Okay, so the first thing we want to do is take one of these shelf pieces and insert four wooden pegs into it.

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Um, yeah. I think that’s a shelf piece, Spike.

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Well there are no words on these instructions. Not even descriptions or labels for the individual pieces.

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Okay, well, it has holes on the side like in the picture, so I think that’s it.

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Good.

Now, we take the two long sides and screw in two small attachment screws into the two centermost holes on each.

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Yeah, it’d probably be better if I just showed you the picture, Spike.

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See, like this.

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All right, now we attach these long side pieces to the shelf we just put the pegs into.

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Great!

Now we need to secure it with these little, um…securing pieces?

*SIGH*

I really the instructions at least gave names for the pieces so that I know what to call them.

.

.

Okay, all secure.

Next, we need to find the bottom piece.

.

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I…think that’s it?

Hang on, Spike, there’s a picture here that shows the bottom piece next to the top piece with an X through it so we don’t accidentally use that.

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.

You’re right, they do look pretty similar. But notice that the bottom piece has more holes, so I think this is the top piece.

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Yep, that’s definitely the bottom piece.

Okay, now that we have the correct piece we need to put four wooden pegs into the corners.

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Good.

Now we attach it to the two side pieces and screw it in with six long screws using the Allen wrench.

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The Allen wrench is the one that looks like an L, Spike.

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Perfect!

Okay, next we need to attach the back. Looks like it just slides up the two side pieces.

.

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Looks good.

Now we, need to put four really tiny plastic pegs through the holes in the center of the back.

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Yeah, I think that’s them, Spike.

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Yep, easy enough.

So now we need the top piece and we’re going to put four wooden pegs into that.

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Yeah, that piece we thought was the bottom earlier.

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Okay, then we attach it to the two side pieces and screw it in with six long screws using the Allen wrench.

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Uh-huh, just like the bottom.

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Good.

This is really coming together nicely, don’t you think, Spike?

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.

Well I think it looks good so far. And besides, we’re not done yet.

Next we’re going to assemble the accent piece. At least I think that’s what it’s called.

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Nothing from IKEA comes pre-assembled, Spike. That’s how it’s so affordable.

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Yes, I know I can afford more expensive furniture, but I really like the Lommarp style. It’s what goes with the rest of the room.

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Considering how you feel about Rarity I really don’t like it when you compare me to her.

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.

Okay, okay.

Look, we’re getting off track here. Can we just get back to finishing this thing?

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Thank you.

Now, these are what the accent pieces look like.

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Good.

So now we need to screw in two small screws into the centermost holes on each side.

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Yeah, those holes.

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Okay, now we need to insert a wooden peg into the each of the two side accent pieces.

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What do you mean there aren’t anymore wooden pegs, Spike?

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Well there have to be more. Look, that’s what the picture in the instructions is showing.

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Maybe we just accidentally kicked them or something.

Let’s look around the room for them.

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Find them yet, Spike?

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No, me neither.

Just keep looking.

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Yeah, I think you’re right, Spike. We’re just missing them.

I can’t believe this! How the heck are we supposed to assemble this thing without all the pieces?

I have to say, I expected more from IKEA.

*SIGH*

Whelp, we might as well start disassembling this thing.

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Well yeah, we have to disassemble it, Spike.

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.

Because I have to return it, and do you think they’re just going to take it back half-assembled like this?

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It’s not a matter of cost, Spike, it’s a matter of principle! I’m not going to let them get away with selling me a shoddy product!

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Okay, fine. We can get some lunch first.

Well, everypony, I think I’m just going to stop things here because I don’t think any of you care about watching me disassemble a half-assembled Lommarp.

Sorry it ended this way, but as always thanks for watching Twilight Tries and I’ll see you next time!

So what do you want for lunch, Spike?

Author's Notes:

Thank goodness Twilight didn't try to assemble the Brusali. That thing's a nightmare.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Throwing a Toga Party

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Now before I reveal what it is I’ll be trying today, I want to see if you can guess what it’ll be based on what I’m wearing right now. Let me just back up a bit so you can get a full view of my outfit.

.

Well? Any ideas?

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Okay, times up.

Today I’m going to try…throwing a toga party!

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That’s right, Spike! TOGA! TOGA!

Ahem, sorry for that sudden outburst. It’s just that Spike and I are just really excited to be throwing this party!

You see, a few nights ago Spike, Starlight, and I decided to all watch a movie together and the movie we ended up watching was Animal House. Starlight and I had seen it before, but it was Spike first time seeing it and he really enjoyed the toga party part. In fact, her enjoyed it so much that when the movie was over he asked if we could throw one ourselves. I said I didn’t see why not, but Starlight had a few…reservations. She said that toga parties can really get out of hoof, just like the one in Animal House did.

But come on, I’m sure that the toga party in Animal House was exaggerated for entertainment purposes. Plus, how would Starlight knows what toga parties are actually like? She’s never even been to one…I think.

You know, sometimes when she and Trixie go on their ‘magic show tours’ together I get the feeling they’re really doing, shall we say, other things; Unusual things.

But enough of my theories about what Starlight and Trixie do when they’re alone together. Getting back on point, I told Spike that we could throw a toga party and that he could invite anypony he wanted. Needless to say, after I told him that he quickly wrote up some invitations and sent them out. I’m not quite sure how many ponies he invited, but I’m sure it wasn’t too many. After all, how many ponies can one dragon know?

Now before we get the party started, I have to give credit where credit is due and thank all of my friends for their help in putting this thing together. So thanks to Pinkie for getting most of the supplies, Rainbow Dash for helping with the decorating, Applejack for providing the cider and other refreshments, Fluttershy for booking The Pony Tones to perform, and last but certainly not least, Rarity for making the toga outfits for myself and Spike.

And with that said and done, let’s get this party started!

---

Hi there, welcome!

Welcome, come on in!

Derpy and Bulk Biceps, good to see you!

My, that certainly is a, um…very interesting toga you’re wearing, Derpy.

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It’s the sheet from your bed? You don’t say. I, um, never would have guessed that.

.

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Wait, it’s the sheet from your bed, Bulk?

Okay, I definitely never would’ve guessed that.

Well, enjoy the party you two!

Phew. That’s 15 ponies in the last three minutes alone, and I think I greeted some 35 ponies before all of them. I’m actually starting to wonder how many invitations Spike sent out.

Hi, welcome…Ember?

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It’s good to see you too. What brings you to Ponyville?

.

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You got an invitation from Spike to the toga party?

G-Great! Come right in and make yourself at home!

Oh sweet Celestia I really hope she doesn’t try to eat my castle again.

I think I better go find Spike and ask him how many ponies, err, creatures he invited…

Prince Rutherford?!

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Really. Spike invited you and your friends too, huh?

.

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Y-Yes, I’m sure that yaks are the best at toga parties but I really don’t think you need to...

*CRASH*

Okay, too late.

I need to find Spike. Right now.

Spike!

Spike!!

*CRASH*

Oh what now?

.

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Sunset Shimmer? What are you doing here?

And why is this window broken?

.

.

WHAT?!

You threw a barrel of cider through it?! Why?!

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Sunset, how much cider have you had?

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Six mugs?! How you had that much to drink already? The party only started a few minutes ago.

You know what, it doesn’t matter. Let’s just find a nice place for you to lie down and-

*POOF*

And she teleported away. Super.

I just hope she doesn’t over do it on the cider anymore than she already has.

Now what was I doing before I ran into Sunset?

.

Oh right, trying to find Spike.

Spike!

Has anypony seen Spike?

Spike!!

.

Wah!

Moondancer? When did you get here?

.

.

Okay, you’ve clearly had too much cider as well.

I’m…glad you’re enjoying the party so far, Moondancer, but I really need to find-

*KISS*

D-D-Did you just kiss me?!

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Ooooh Moondancer.

I’m, um, flattered that you like me that way, but right now I really need to find-

*KISS*

Stop that!

Look, we’ll talk about this later, okay? Just…let me go so...so I can find...Spike.

.

Ah-ha!

Phew. Well that got kind of crazy...and uncomfortable.

But back to the matter at hoof; finding Spike.

Spike!

Spike!!

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Oh good, there he is.

Why is he holding Applejack’s guitar though? It doesn’t look like he’s trying to play it. It looks like he’s...

Oh no.

Spike, put the guitar down right now!

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Have you been drinking?! You’re underage, Spike, you know better than to be drinking cider!

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Okay, never mind that for now. Just…put the guitar down, nice and easy.

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You’re not Bluto, Spike.

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No, you’re not. Now put the guitar down this instant or…or I’m putting you on double secret probation, mister!

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That’s better.

Now let’s get you to bed before-

*CRASH*

Oh come on!

Wait, that sounded like it came from my room!

Um…

Oh good, Fluttershy! Can you please take Spike to bed while I find out what that crash was?

.

.

Great, thank you!

Okay, now to find out who’s in my room.

.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

All right, whoever’s in here it’s time to-AAAAAAH!

*DOOR SLAMMING*

Sorry, Bulk and Derpy!

I’m, uh, just going to let them finish what they're doing in there. Right now I think I need to find a spell that will help me forget what I just saw.

Also, note to self: Be sure to look over this video before posting it to make sure there's nothing that needs to be pixelated out first.

*CRASH*

*SIGH*

It’s going to be a long night.

---

Welp, it’s morning now, and as you can see this place is an absolute mess. Various pieces of furniture has been broken, there are decorations and garbage scattered all over the place, and oh, a few ponies seem to have passed out right here in the hallway.

I honestly can’t tell if this was a successful toga party or not. Frankly though, I don’t want to know.

The one thing I do know is that real-life toga parties are exactly like the one in Animal House and that this was my last time ever throwing one.

So as always, thank you for watching Twilight Tries and I’ll see you again next time.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go see if Bulk and Derpy are still in my bedroom.

*SHUDDER*

I really hope they aren't.

Author's Notes:

You know you make me wanna SHOUT! ~

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Watching Horror Movies

Author's Notes:

Spoiler Alerts for Friday the 13th (1980) and Halloween (1978).

Special thanks to kitsune_shadow for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Now before I begin this episode, I have to admit that I’m a little, um, nervous about what it is I’ll be trying today. And that’s because I’m going to be trying to conquer a fear I’ve had since I was a filly.

Today, I’m going to try…

*GULP*

…watching horror movies.

So why am I afraid of horror movies, you ask? Well the answer is pretty simple; I saw one as a filly and it scared the living daylights out of me.

It was called Attack of the Killer Quesadillas and was about a bunch of mutated killer quesadillas that eat ponies. I’d convinced my brother, Shining Armor, to let me watch it with him and he found it funny, but I found it scary. I know it was a low-budget, poorly produced movie, but the whole concept was just scary to me. I mean, quesadillas coming to life and eating ponies, the thought that your food can eat you, that’s scary!

Anyways, as a result of that movie I’ve been afraid of watching horror movies ever since…and eating quesadillas. Seriously, I can’t even look at a quesadilla now without worrying that it's going to come to life and try to eat me. The thought of being devoured by all that cheese makes my skin crawl.

*SHUDDER*

Wait, I’m getting off topic here. This is supposed to be about my fear of horror movies.

Sorry about that.

So yeah, Attack of the Killer Quesadillas ended up making me leery of watching horror movies in general ever again. However, I’ve been thinking about this fear a bit lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s probably time I faced it. I was just a filly when I developed it and I think now that I’m older I can conquer it.

Now the only problem with trying to conquer this fear is that I didn’t have any horror movies to watch, obviously, so I asked my friend, Sunset Shimmer, for help. Sunset’s big into horror and she was willing to let me borrow a few, quote-unquote, ‘classic’ horror movies from her collection. So the movies I’ll be watching today are Friday the 13^th and Halloween.

Also, Sunset told me to tell you that these are the originals because I guess they’ve both gone through reboots or something.

Now let’s get started!

I really hope these aren’t too scary.

---

Friday the 13^th

Okay, so we’re only about five minutes in and there have already been two deaths done in a POV shot. But they were both done off-screen so not too bad so far.

I’m not letting my guard down though, because Sunset said this movie is infamous for its kills.

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Oh hey, Kevin Bacon is in this.

Neat.

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And Annie just got her throat slit.

So this death is a bit more gruesome than the first two, but still not that bad. I just hope there aren’t too many of them though.

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Yep, there it is. The obligatory ‘teenagers having sex’ scene. That’s right, even though I don’t watch many horror movies I still know that’s a cliché. Although, since this is a pretty old horror movie it probably wasn't a cliché back then.

Well, whatever. At least it’s pretty tame, nothing too hardco-Oh my gosh, Ned’s throat has been slit and his body is in the bunk above them!

I’ll admit, that’s a little unsettling.

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Sweet Celestia! Kevin Bacon just got an arrow shoved up through his neck!

Okay, I’m starting to see what Sunset meant by ‘infamous kills’ here.

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You know, as I’m watching this scene where Marcie gets an axe to the face I think I’m starting to get it.

Despite the fact that we don’t actually see most of the murders being committed, it’s still unsettling because of the makeup they used to show the bodies afterwards.

Props to whoever did the makeup for this.

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Wait, the old lady is the killer? I thought these were the movies with the guy in the hockey mask.

Maybe he just shows up at the end.

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Aaaaand the old lady just got decapitated.

That’s in my brain forever now.

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Okay, well, that’s the end of the movie and the guy in the hockey mask never showed up. I guess he comes along in the later movies.

So Friday the 13^th was a bit scary, but not too scary. I like how we didn’t actually see most of the deaths happen on-screen. It takes some of the power away from the murders, but the terrific practical effects and makeup still leave you feeling uneasy. I’m glad I watched this one first.

On to the next movie!

---

Halloween

I have to say, I really like the music that plays during the opening credits. It really fills you with a sense of eeriness.

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Wow, this one just dives right into the horror too, huh? A POV shot of a little boy killing his older sister. And it’s not like the POV shot from the beginning of Friday the 13^th either. The death occurs on-screen.

I have a feeling this movie’s going to be a bit more intense than Friday the 13^th .

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Okay, it’s 15 years later now and Michael has escaped from the mental hospital and is heading back to his hometown.

I have to say, I’m a little confused as to why this guy is a killer. I mean, we’ve seen him kill, but we don’t know why he’s killed. What’s his motivation here?

Eh, I’m sure it’ll be explained by the end of the movie.

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So now Michael is stalking some teenagers.

I’m starting to think I was wrong about this movie being more intense than Friday the 13^th. I mean, it’s kind of creepy, but it doesn’t seem to be all that scary.

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I take it back, I was right the first time. This movie is more intense than Friday the 13^th.

Annie’s death just now was straight-up frightening. The way she was strangled without any music playing, how we only heard the sound of her screams and Michael’s breathing.

*SHUDDER*

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Aaaaand another teenage sex scene.

Of course.

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AH!

Okay, that was a good jump scare. I did not expect Michael to jump out of the closet like that…and then lift Bob up with only one hand…and then pin him to the wall with a butcher knife.

This guy is really starting to give me the willies.

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Run, Lori, run!

This chase scene is really intense. I honestly have no idea if Lori is going to make it or not.

Please make it, Lori.

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Oh good, Lori’s okay.

I thought for sure when she got trapped in the closet she was done for. But she managed to turn that coat hanger into a weapon and stab Michael in the eye.

It’s over now, it’s finally ov-IT’S NOT OVER! MICHAEL’S GETTING BACK UP!

LOOK BEHIND YOU, LORI! BEHIND YOU!

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Oh good, Dr. Loomis shot him.

It’s over for real now.

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What?! But...how is Michael not down there?! He was shot like six times, how could he get up and walk away from that?!

At the movie is over, so even if Michael’s alive that’s it for now.

So yeah, I think I let my guard down a bit with this one after watching Friday the 13^th. There were a lot more on-screen deaths in this one and Michael Myers was just plain spooky. We never did learn why he was a killer, but I think that just adds to the terror. When we don’t understand something we tend to fear it, and not knowing what makes Michael a killer just makes him all the scarier.

---

Okay, so after watching two horrors movies for the first time in years, I think I’m over my fear of them.

I was scared during parts of both Friday the 13^th and Halloween, don’t get me wrong, but I wasn’t scared the way I was scared when I watched Attack of the Killer Quesadillas. It’s probably just because I’m older now though.

Regardless, I’m glad I did this and was able conquer my fear. I don’t think I’m going to become a horror fanatic like Sunset, but I think I’ll watch a few horror movies every now and then if I feel like a having a good scare.

Now I just have to figure out how to get over my fear of quesadillas.

As always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Social Distancing

Hi there, everypony.

So today’s episode of Twilight Tries is going to be a bit different than usual. For a lot of reasons.

As you all know, we’re going through some pretty unprecedented times right now. A lot of us are having to stay home due to shelter-in-place orders enacted to help stop the spread of a new virus that’s going around. As such, it’s been difficult for me to find new things to try for this series recently, so I thought I’d change things up a bit.

To put it simply, today’s episode will be a video diary of sorts while I practice social distancing. I’ll be recording myself here at home over the next few days doing, well, whatever I can to help pass the time.

And it’s not like I’ll be completely alone during this time. Spike and Starlight are here with me since, you know, we all live together. Plus, truth be told, I’m actually looking forward to spending more time with both of them. I can’t remember the last time Spike and I baked together or Starlight and I played Dragon Pit, so this will be a good chance for me to spend some real quality time with them.

So with that, I think I’ll stop recording here for now and pick things up tomorrow.

---

Day 1

Hi again, everypony, and welcome to Day 1 of being in lockdown!

I know I probably shouldn’t sound so upbeat saying that, but I’m trying to stay positive right now.

Anyways, I’ve got a pretty full day planned. I’m going to practice magic with Starlight, play some Ogres & Oubliettes with Spike, and catch up on some reading by myself. It should be a fun day!

Oh, there’s Starlight.

Ready for some magic practice, Starlight?

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Okay, show me what you’ve got!

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Phew, that was quite a workout, wasn’t it, Starlight?

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Well I’m just glad we finally had some time for it. I admit I’ve missed our magic practices since you graduated.

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Play some Dragon Pit later?

Sure! See you then.

Okay, now I’m off to play some O&O with Spike.

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Hey, Spike!

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Yep, I’m all set. Now let’s roll some dice and slay some ogres!

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Wow, those Ogres & Oubliettes games can really go on for a while. I think Spike and I were playing it for close to three hours. I actually feel a bit exhausted now.

But I’m still glad we played it though. It was fun!

I just wish I hadn’t been slain by an elf.

Anywhoo, I think now’s a good time for me to catch up on some reading. The only question is, what should I read first?

Hmm.

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Oh, this one looks good!

The Stand, by Stephen King.

I’m not actually sure what this book is about, as it was given to me by my friend Sunset Shimmer who just said, ‘I think you’ll like this one’, but given how thick it is it seems like something that will take a while to read.

And since I’ve got nothing but time to spare, I might as well read it now.

I think I’m going to end things here for now. But I’ll see you all again later!

---

Day 4

Okay, Day 4 and still going strong!

One thing though. Remember when I said I was going to try reading The Stand? Yeah, that was…a mistake. I probably should’ve read the dust jacket explaining that it was about an influenza pandemic that kills practically the entire world before just diving right into it. Not the best story to read right now.

So I’ve decided to go ahead and find another book to read during this lockdown, and that book is Pale Horse, Pale Rider by Katherine Anne Porter and is about a young woman who falls in love with a soldier during a time of war.

It sounds like a good romance story, but it’ll have to wait until later because right now I’m supposed to go meet Starlight in her room to play some cards.

I think she’s already starting to miss going to the casino just outside of town to gamble.

And then later Spike and I will be baking some cookies!

So yep, another full day for me. Let’s get started!

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Hey, Starlight. Ready to play some, um…why do you have so many rolls of toilet paper in here?

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You stocked up before the lockdown went into effect?

I mean, that probably wasn’t a bad idea, but did you really need to get this much?

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If you say so.

Why don’t we just get to the card playing.

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Thank goodness Starlight and I weren’t playing for real money, or I’d be out about 1000 bits right now. Still though, I’m glad I was able to do something with her that made her happy.

But now it’s onto baking with Spike!

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Hey, Spike. Is everything ready to go here?

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We’re out of sugar? Are you sure? I could've sworn we still had some.

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Well not to worry. I’ll just order some through one of those same-day delivery services and we’ll get started in no time.

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Oh.

Apparently there’s so much demand for deliveries now that they can’t deliver same-day. It’s going to take a few days.

I’m sorry, Spike.

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Yeah, we’ll make the cookies as soon as it arrives. I promise.

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Okay, so since baking with Spike is going to have to wait, I guess I might as well get started on Pale, Horse, Pale Rider now.

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Actually, I’m going to read the dust jacket for this one just to be safe.

Ahem.

‘Originally published in a collection with two other short novels, Pale Horse, Pale Rider tells the semi-autobiographical tale of a young woman who survives the 1918…influenza epidemic’.

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You know what? I think I’m just going to find something to watch on TV instead.

---

Day 10

Okay, we’re in Day 10 under lockdown now and, well…tensions are starting to get a little high around here.

We’re running out of things thing to do, both individually and collectively, that we haven’t already done over the last week. Starlight and I have probably played cards at least 100 times now and even she seems to be getting tired of it. Spike said he’s already re-read all of his comic books twice now. And as for me, I watched every season of The Office over the course of just five days.

Crazy, right?

Also, we’re starting to let little things bug us that never used to bug us before. Like yesterday, Starlight asked Spike if he could chew quieter at dinner. To which Spike peevishly replied, ‘How am I supposed to eat gems quieter, Starlight?’. Thankfully things didn’t escalate any farther than that, but it just goes to show how on edge we all are now.

Oh yeah, and we still haven’t gotten the sugar I ordered for making cookies! Seriously, WHERE IS OUR SUGAR?!

Sorry, sorry.

See, even I’m on edge!

*SIGH*

I knows things are difficult all around right now, but when you experience such difficulty getting a simple bag of sugar it’s just so…discouraging.

I really hope this lockdown doesn’t last much longer.

---

Day 25

…I don’t even know what to say at this point.

Even though Starlight and Spike are here with me, I just feel so…alone. Probably because I haven’t seen any of my friends in weeks. I really wish they were all here with me right now. I miss having tea with Fluttershy, and flying with Rainbow Dash, and modeling for Rarity. I miss Pinkie’s parties and Applejack’s countryisms.

Not only that, but everyday there’s more and more bad news about what this virus is doing to the world. With no end in sight either.

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It’s just getting harder to stay positive, you know?

I’m sure a lot of you are feeling the same way. But just remember this. The magic of friendship is the strongest magic there is, and it will help us get through these uncertain times. We may need to change the way we show friendship in order to observe social distancing, but as long as we continue to show kindness, loyalty, generosity, laughter, and honesty towards one another, we’ll be okay.

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I think I’m going to end this whole episode of Twilight Tries here. But before I do, I just want to say a big thank you to all you healthcare professionals, first responders, essential workers, and various volunteers who are out there saving lives and helping to keep things running. There are no words to describe the amount of gratitude I and the rest of Equestria have for you.

Stay safe, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries.

Author's Notes:

If you're able to, please consider donating to a charity like United Way or Project C.U.R.E. to help either those hit hardest by this pandemic or those fighting on the frontlines to save lives.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Puttin' On The Ritz

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So you’ve probably noticed that I’m outside right now, and that’s because I’m on my way over to Carousel Boutique to meet my friend, Rarity. She’s going to be joining me this episode because she’s actually the pony who suggested what it is I’m going to be trying this today.

Today, I’m going to try…putting on the ritz! And before you ask, I have no idea what that means.

Yep, I’m going to be trying something that I am completely clueless about. How did this happen you may wondering? Well, allow me to explain.

See, the other day I was having tea with Rarity at the castle and while we were chatting she mentioned that she watched a few episodes of my vlog. I asked her what she thought of them and she said, and I quote, ‘Oh they were very entertaining, Darling, but have you ever considered trying something a bit more…stylish?’

Needless to say, I was a little confused by what she meant. I mean, I know that stylish means fashionable, but I didn’t know what she meant by trying something stylish. So when I asked her what she had in mind she said, ‘Well, you could try designing a dress , or you could join me for Manehatten Fashion Week next month, or-oh, oh, I just thought of the perfect thing! You and I can put on the ritz!’

Before I could ask Rarity what it means, she became a little, how shall I put this...overzealous.

‘I can see it now!’ She continued. ‘The glitz, the glamour, ooh, it’s all so beautiful!’

I tried one more time to ask Rarity what she was talking about, but before I could she just told me to meet her at Carousel Boutique today and then took off.

So yeah, like I said before, ‘putting on the ritz’ is a concept that is completely foreign to me; No idea what it means. But it looks like I'm about to find out because we're here.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

Rarity?! It’s Twilight!

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Hi, Rarity.

Listen, before we get started, I was just wonder-WHOA!

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Um, Rarity, could you…please let go of me now. You’re hugging me…a bit too tightly.

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*HEAVY BREATHING*

It’s fine, really. Don’t worry about it.

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I know you’re excited for today, I am too. But I really have to know; What exactly is ‘putting on the ritz’?

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It’s…dressing fashionably?

Uh, Rarity, this vlog is for things I’ve never tried before, and I’ve dressed fashionably before. You know, for things like the Grand Galloping Gala and all those dinners I’ve hosted as the Princess of Friendship.

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Those weren’t the same as putting on the ritz?

I’m confused.

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You’re saying all those other times I dressed fashionably before were more chic fashion and that putting on the ritz is more vintage fashion?

Okay, since I don’t have your fashion expertise I’m afraid I’m going to have to plead ignorance here. What exactly is the difference between vintage fashion and chic fashion?

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Vintage fashion is more retro and chic fashion is more modern?

Oh, so vintage fashion would be like the outfits worn by Ginger Rogers in Top Hat or Shall We Dance?

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Well, I'm pretty sure I’ve never worn an outfit that could be considered vintage before. So I guess I will be trying ‘putting on the ritz’ for the first time then.

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Okay, let’s do it!

What did you have in mind for me?

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Wow, Rarity! That dress is beautiful!

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It’s a Couture Silk Taffeta & Velvet Cocktail dress?

I’m not quite sure what most of that means. But regardless, I really like it.

Just let me try it on to make sure it fits.

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No, no, I wasn’t insinuating anything, Rarity, honest. I’m sure it will fit perfectly. It’s just, you know, when you first get a new dress you instinctively want to make sure it fits, that’s all.

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Okay, well, be back in a minute.

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Yep, it fits like a charm, and I really like how this shade of blue complements my coat.

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Uh-huh. You’re outfit looks great too, Rarity.

So, what now?

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We go out? Go out where?

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CANTERLOT?!

---

Okay, I really didn’t see this coming.

Right now Rarity and I are on the train to Canterlot because apparently there’s a club there dedicated to ponies who like putting on the ritz.

You know, I lived in Canterlot for a good part of my life and I don't ever remember there being a club like that. At first I thought maybe it was created after I left but Rarity assured me that it’s been there for quite a long time, perhaps as far back as when vintage fashion was considered chic fashion. I’m actually kind of curious what it’s like now.

Oh, we’re pulling into Canterlot already.

So, Rarity, how far is it to this place from the station?

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It’s on Park Avenue? Wow, that’s a pretty fancy part of town, even by Canterlot standards.

How did you learn about this place?

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Sassy Saddles told you about it because according to her it’s a great place to network?

Why does that make me feel a little uneasy?

Well, just lead the way then.

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This is it?

Rarity, this is just the Canterlot Country Club.

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Well yeah, that’s because the ponies who patronize this place are the well-to-do. You know, bankers, jewel cutters, titans of industry. Vintage is just how they dress.

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I mean, I guess that does technically make it a vintage fashion club. And we did come all this way, so okay, let’s go inside.

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I have to admit, this place really is nice. I especially like how the architecture is reminiscent of-

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Oh, well it’s a pleasure to meet you too, Mr. Carneighie.

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Yes, I can imagine the infrastructure industry must be very challenging, especially with all those new steel sanctions against Ukrein.

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Oh, n-no I’m sorry, foreign policy is handled by Princess Celestia. I have no say in those matt-

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I-I suppose I could take your concerns to her, sure.

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Y-Yeah, great talking to you too.

Did you see that?! That pony just tried to curry political favor with of me!

I don’t like this. I should find Rarity and-

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I-I’m sorry, Mr. Althoof, I really don’t have time to discuss banking regulations righ-

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Oh, um, yes, Mr. DiCloprio, I agree that the environment is an important issue-

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Mrs. Underfeather, even I don’t understand all these new tax laws-

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They never stop coming! I need to get out of here!

PLEASE EXCUSE ME!

*TELEPORT SOUND*

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Okay, I am never going back in there! Those ponies are all crazy!

So yeah, putting on the ritz. I liked the dressing fashionably part of it, but not the ‘get mobbed by a bunch of rich ponies looking to get richer’ part of it. If Rarity ever wants us do this again, I’m going to suggest we-Oh, I just realized I left without Rarity.

Okay, I’m just going to end this video here and thank you all for watching this episode of Twilight Tries.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to figure out a way of reaching Rarity without going back into that den of opulent madness.

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMstTM01m28

Love this song.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Doing a Pub Crawl

Hi there, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Right now, I’m here at the famous First Station pub in Ponyville for what I’m sure is going to be one of the most interesting things I’ve tried to date. Today, I’m going to try…doing a pub crawl!

For those of you who don’t know, a pub crawl is the act of drinking in multiple pubs or bars in a single night. Sometimes they’re themed and coordinated by various pubs in an area to drive up business, but that’s not what’s happening tonight. No, this pub crawl is just going to be me and my friend, Applejack, going around and having a drink at each of the ten pubs in Ponyville, starting at The First Station and finishing at The Universe’s End.

Now as most of you probably know, I don’t drink that much, so you might be asking why I’m doing a pub crawl today. Well, the answer is that I, um, inadvertently insulted Applejack the other day and now I have to do this with her.

See, a few nights ago I was at a party with Applejack and the rest of our friends. There were alcoholic beverages at this party and, to nopony’s surprise, Applejack and Rainbow Dash eventually got into a cider drinking contest with one another. Applejack ended up being the winner and in her…intoxicated state she began asking anypony within a ten hoof radius if they wanted to challenge her next. When she got to me I politely declined, and then made the mistake of saying that it was because my alicorn metabolism would give me an unfair advantage.

Most ponies don’t know this, but an alicorn’s metabolism burns faster than the average pony’s, specifically about three times faster. This means that it’s very difficult for an alicorn to ever get drunk.

Anyways, after I said that Applejack took it the wrong way and said I was insulting her honor. I asked her what ‘honor’ she was referring to exactly, but she just slapped me across the cheek with a glove and challenged me to a drinking contest at a later date. Now given how drunk she was I just assumed she’d forget about it one way or the other when she sobered up, but the very next day she came by the castle and asked when would be a good time for our contest.

Needless to say, I didn’t really want to get into a drinking contest with Applejack. I know her, and I know that she’d be stubborn enough to drink herself to death to defend her ‘honor’. So instead of a traditional drinking contest, I suggested a pub crawl where whichever one of us was the least drunk at the end would be victorious. She agreed and we were able to get Fluttershy to agree to be the judge of who’s drunker when we’re done at The Universe’s End.

So, yeah, that’s how we ended up here. Now there’s nothing left to do but wait for Appl-

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Oh, hey, Applejack.

Yep, I’m ready if you’re ready.

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Okay then.

Barkeep! Two hard ciders over here!

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Thank you very much.

Welp, bottoms up!

---

Pub #2 – The Old Acquaintance

I have to say, the drink from The First Station was actually pretty good. What did you say it was called again, Applejack?

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Cobra Venom? Huh, bit of a strange name for a drink to me, but still good regardless.

So, what will we be having here?

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Fillydelphia Tuxedo?

Is it called that because it’s from Fillydelphia and is going to be served to us in a bottle that’s wearing a tuxedo?

Hehe.

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I was joking Applejack.

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No it wasn’t because I’m drunk!

Come on, Applejack, I know I don’t drink much but I’m not going to get drunk after just one drink. I’m not a lightweight.

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That’s right. That joke was just bad because my sense of humor is really dorky.

Hey, wait.

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Oh, never mind.

Down the hatch!

---

Pub #3 – The Famous Rooster

Feeling a bit tipsy there, Applejack?

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I beg to differ. You’re ever-so-slightly starting to slur your words.

.

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Oh, please. I feel perfectly fine. Alicorn metabolism, remember?

.

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Okay, okay. Let’s just get our next drinks, shall we.

.

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A Black Wednesday?

Geez, who comes up with the names for these drinks?

Well, here’s to your health!

---

Pub #5 – The Good Allies

You know, I have to admit that I’m starting to feel a little bit of a buzz right now. But I am not drunk.

Applejack on the other hoof though…

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AJ, you’re clearly drunk. Maybe not Hemingway drunk, but still pretty sauced.

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Okay, I’m just going to chalk all that foul language up to the fact that your inebriated at the moment.

I’m going to go ahead and get our drinks. Unless of course you want to call it quits.

.

.

Suit yourself.

---

Pub #8 – The Mermare

Applejackk…look over there. Ya see that shtallion?

.

.

Hez been lookin’ at uz all weird like fer a while now. I think…I think maybe hez a alien.

.

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Well why else would he be shtarin’ at uz like that?

An’ it’z not just him either. I’ve sheen a few other ponies lookin’ at uz all funny like too.

.

.

Yer right, what if it iz an invasion?! Whatda we gonna do?!

.

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Ah, goood plan. We jus’ go ‘bout our business an’ act like everythin’s normal, then when they least espect it, we shtrike.

Yer so shmart, Applejack. That’s why yer my friend.

Cheers!

---

Pub #10 – The Universe’s End

Hey, Fluttersshy! How ya doin’, buddy?

.

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Me, drunk? Don’t be shilly. I’m not drunk. Applejackk iz drunk, but I’m not drunk. Hehe.

.

.

Hold that thought, Fluttersshy. I jus’ noticed that yer face is really squishy.

Squishy, squishy.

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Shorry. I jus’ had ta make sure you wasn’t a alien. Applejackk an’ I saw shome earlier, ya know.

.

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Take me home? Why, Fluttersshy, you minx. We don’t have ta go back ta my place ta have a good time. We can jus’ go inta one a the bathroom stalls and have shome fun there.

.

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Oooh, yer no fun, Fluttersshy.

Well, shince I feel like I’m gonna go sleepy-bye any shecond now, I’m jus’ gonna end this thing right here. So shee ya next time, an’ ramember, I love you all so, so much.

Tra-da-da-lump-a-doo!

*DRUNKEN SNORING NOISES*

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Finding a Hangover Cure

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.

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Ohhhh.

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Oh sweet Celestia, my head. My poor…aching head.

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Whoa!

Okay, tried to stand up a little too quickly there. Gotta take it slower.

.

There we go.

Now, what the heck happened last nigh – WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO MY ROOM?!

Ow, ow, ow. Too loud, too loud. Must talk more quietly.

*DEEP BREATHING*

Focus, Twilight. What’s the last thing you remember?

.

Ugh, everything’s just a blur. I can’t remember anything after leaving the castle to go…somewhere. I think I might have taken something with me, what was it?

.
My camera!

Ow. Dang it.

That’s right, I left with my camera because I was going to do an episode of my vlog. Maybe it recorded what happened last night.

Now where is that thing?

.

.

.

Ah, here it is.

.

Wait. Is it recording right now? Has it been recording all night?

*SIGH*

Well, at least that means it should have the answers I seek, I suppose.

Let’s have a look-see.

.

Right, the pub crawl with Applejack. That’s what I was recording.

.

.

.

Wow, Applejack sure got drunk.

.

Wait, is…is that me?

.

Oh my goodness. Ohhh my goodness.

.

Did I seriously just say that I thought aliens were invading Ponyville?

.

I should probably stop by Sugarcube Corner sometime today and get some apology cupcakes for Fluttershy. I don't think she appreciated it when I started squishing her face like that.

And then suggested we make-out in a bathroom stall.

.

Okay, that’s enough, I get the gist of it. I had too much to drink, and as a result I now have a hangover.

I should probably turn this thing off now.

Unless…hmmm?

.

Eh, I might as well make the most of this situation. I’ll just have to remember to edit this video down a bit before I post it.

Ahem.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Ow. Criminy.

So in today’s episode I’m going to try…finding a hangover cure. Because I sure need one right now. And I’m hoping that if I happen to find one it can help other ponies who experience hangovers get over them, because these things are simply awful.

Now something I should probably tell you right off the bat is that I’m going to be talking a bit more softly than I usually do in these videos. See, this hangover has given me a wicked headache and I’ve already found out the hard way that getting too excited really agitates it. So forgive me if I keep the excitement to a minimum.

Oh, and if you’re wondering why my room looks like a tornado came passing through it, I have no idea. I think this camera might have captured what happened, but I’m not going to check it right now. Something tells me I might not want to know anyways.

But back to the topic at hoof; finding a hangover cure.

Now, I’m pretty sure one of the things that happens to you after you’ve had too much to drink is your blood sugar drops. So if I have low blood sugar right now I should try to raise it back up, and a good way to do that would be to have breakfast.

Okay, I’m going to go get some breakfast!

Ow. By Celestia’s mane.

---

You know, maybe it’s because of the hangover, but I never realized before just how loudly hoofsteps echo through this castle. If I didn’t know any better right now I’d swear I was wearing snow boots just because of how much of an echo I'm creating by simply walking.

I think I’m just going to fly the rest of the way to the kitchen.

.

.

.

Hold on a second.

*SNIFF*

I smell cinnamon french toast. I guess that means Spike is already up, since he’s the only one in the castle that eats cinnamon french toast.

Let’s go see if he maybe made anything else for breakfast, shall we?

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.

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Good morning, Spike.

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Uh, Spike. Why are you dressed up like Peter Pan?

.

.

I told you to dress like that?!

Ow. Son of a-

When did I tell you to do that?

.

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Last night?

Spike, I was must have known I was drunk last night. Couldn’t you tell that I wasn’t being serious?

.

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What? You told me at the time that you knew I was drunk, and then I told you that it didn’t matter and you still had to dress up like Peter Pan?

Okay, well, that doesn’t matter now because I am sober…ish, and I’m telling you that you don’t have to wear it.

.

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Huh?

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You…want to wear it?

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Well, okay then, if you really want to. Keep…rockin’ that spandex.

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Yep, see you later.

.

Okay, not the way I imagined my day starting off, but whatever.

Aw dang it, Spike didn't make anything other than cinnamon french toast. Probably because of the whole 'making him dress like Peter Pan' thing.

I guess I'll have to make some waffles or something myself. Maybe get some cantaloupe to go along with it.

---

Oh that was a good breakfast, and I think it actually did help me feel a little bit better. But there’s no denying that I’m still hungover. The echo from my hoofsteps is still as loud as a gong to me, which is why I’m flying again.

Right now I’m headed to Starlight’s room to see if she might know any good hangover cures. She and Trixie sometimes have a few drinks when they get together, so it’s possible she’s been in the same boat I’m in now and knows a few ways of dealing with hangovers.

.

Here we are.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

Starlight!

Ow. Serenity now.

Starlight, are you in there?

.

.

No answer.

Huh, I wonder if she stepped out already. Oh well.

Maybe there’s a book in the library that can give me some tips on how to get over a hangover. Only one way to find out.

.

.

.

Okay, now what section would a book like that be und – Oh my gosh, Starlight!

Ow. For the love of-

Starlight, are you okay?

.

.

What happened? Why are you sleeping on a pile of books in the library?

.

.

Because I…KO’ed you?

What?

.

.

We wrestled last night?!

Ow. Mother-

I’m kind of afraid to ask, but…why did we do that?

.

.

I barged into your room and told you if you didn’t wrestle me I was going to kick you out of the castle?

Celestia above, I am such a weird drunk.

Well I’m really sorry, Starlight. I hope I didn’t hurt you.

.

.

You had fun? And want to do it again sometime?

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Um, sure, whenever you want.

.

.

Yeah, you have a good day too.

.

I’m awake, right? I’m not in some sort of bizarre dream caused by my excessive drinking, am I? Because between Spike and Starlight this morning I’m starting to think I might be.

Well I’m just going to end this right here before things get any stranger and just say that the best cure for a hangover is simply to not drink, or at the very least drink in moderation. But if you do find yourself with a hangover, a good breakfast does help.

As always, thanks for watching, everypony, and see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Ow. Ugh, when will this end?

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to ANW and Eroraf86 for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

ASMR

Hello, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries.

If you’re wondering why I’m whispering right now, it’s because in today’s episode of Twilight Tries I’ll be trying…ASMR. For those who don’t know what ASMR is, it stands for Auto Sensory Meridian Response, and is a pleasant form of paresthesia. In other words, it’s a tingling sensation that usually begins on your scalp and moves down the back of your neck and upper spine. The reason I'm trying ASMR today is because I know a number of ponies who regularly watch ASMR videos and say they're very relaxing, so I figured I'd try using my vlog to help some of you who are stressed relax a bit.

Now there are many different triggers for ASMR that exist within four basic categories; sound, physical, situational, and visual. I will be doing one trigger from each of these categories in the hopes that you will all be able to experience ASMR for yourselves.

I should probably point out though that not everypony is able to experience ASMR. However, just because you don’t feel it right away doesn’t mean you may never feel it. Some ponies have said that it took them a while to find their trigger, so if you don’t feel anything after watching this video but are still interested in ASMR I encourage you to try watching other ASMR videos to find a trigger that works for you.

So with that, let’s get started.

---

Sound

I thought for the sound trigger I’d try reading a short poem to you. This is one of my favorite poems of all time; Ozymandias by Percy Shelley. I hope you enjoy it.

Ahem.

‘I met a traveler from an antique land,
Who said, “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and-’

*SLAM*

AH!

.

Starlight, what the heck?! I’m in the middle of recording an episode for my vlog!

.

.

What do you 500 bits for?

.

.

Wait, what?

Who’s threatening to break your horn?

.

.

Oh for…

Okay, I’ll lend you the bits, but you have to promise me you’ll get help for your gambling problem.

.

.

Starlight, a pony named Bugsy Neighgel is threatening to break your horn because you owe him 500 bits for losing at blackjack.

You have a gambling problem.

.

.

Look, just take the bits and settle your debt, okay? We’ll talk about this later.

*SIGH*

I worry about her sometimes.

---

Physical

My apologies for that little interruption. Let’s just put it behind us and move on to the physical trigger, shall we?

For this trigger, I’ll be bringing in my good friend, Fluttershy, for a bit of help. Just give me a second to go get her.

.

.

.

And we’re back.

Thank you so much for agreeing to do help me with this, Fluttershy.

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Oh don’t be silly. You’re the perfect pony to assist me with my ASMR video. You’re delicate and demure with the sweetest little voice.

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Don’t worry, all we’ll be doing is brushing your mane.

From my understanding, watching and listening to a pony getting their mane brushed can provoke the same response as having it done to yourself.

.

.

Yep, that’s all. I promise.

Now let’s get brushing.

*BRUSHING NOISES*

There. Doesn’t that feel relaxing?

I don’t know about you, but having somepony else brushing my mane always gives me that tingling sensation.

.

.

You’re right, Fluttershy. It just feels like all of your stress is disappearing with each stro- AH!

.

Angel? What are you doing here?

.

.

What’s he saying, Fluttershy?

.

.

Antoine the python is trying to eat Muriel the baby elephant again?!

Oh dear, you should probably go take care of that.

.

.

Don’t worry about the video, it'll be fine. Just go help Muriel.

.

I really hope Muriel’s okay.

---

Situational

My apologies for that other unfortunate interruption. As you can tell I’ve decided to move this up to the attic where hopefully no pony will interrupt us.

So for this next trigger I’ll be looking directly into the camera and placing my hooves near the lens as if I were touching your face or mane. I’ll also be whispering some positive, reassuring messages to you while I do this.

This trigger is often referred to as the Personal Attention trigger, and it helps to provide the viewer with a sense of companionship and intimacy. Which, as the Princess of Friendship, I am always happy to provide.

Here we go.

*DEEP BREATH*

You are a wonderful pony.

You are capable of amazing things.

You have the power to make your dreams come true.

You-

*SLAM*

Oh for the love of Luna!

.

This had better be important, Spike.

.

.

Cadance and Shining Armor are here for a surprise visit and they brought Flurry Heart!

Okay, that’s pretty important. Let’s go.

.

Hold on a second though. They aren’t here to leave her with us while they go off to some art show or something like last time, are they?

.

.

Good. As much as I love Flurry Heart, I do not want a repeat of everything that happened when we last watched her.

---

Visual

My apologies for yet another interruption, but I believe I’ve come up with a solution to this continuing problem. I’ve put a magic, soundproof barrier around my room to ensure that we don’t have anymore unexpected and loud guests.

So with that, let’s get to our final trigger; light patterns. Basically for this trigger I’ll be moving this little flashlight around and occasionally clicking it on and off. For the most part I’ll be quiet during this, but I'll occasionally say ‘click’ whenever I turn the light on or off.

Let’s begin.

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.

.

*CLICK*

Click.

.

*CLICK*

Click.

.

.

.

*CLICK*

Cli – AH! IT CAUGHT FIRE! THE FLASHLIGHT CAUGHT FIRE!

HOW THE HECK DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?!

WATER! I NEED WATER!!

---

Well, this video didn’t go the way I expected.

I honestly thought that ASMR would be pretty easy to do, but as it turns out it’s difficult to keep things quiet enough to do it properly. Even still though, I enjoyed it for the most part, but I don’t think I’ll be trying it again. At least not until I can find an isolated enough place to do it in and with equipment that won’t spontaneously combust on me.

So as always, thank you all for watching Twilight Tries and I’ll see you next time!

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to BestinDworld for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Doing Nothing

Hi, everypony, and welcome to a very special episode of Twilight Tries!

Why is this episode so special, you ask? Well, it’s special because today I’m going to try…doing nothing.

That’s right, nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. For the first time in, well, ever, I have no plans whatsoever for the entire day and as a result I intend to spend this day doing nothing.

*SIGH*

This day is going to be great. No princess duties, no studying, just…nothing. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a number of the things I do as the Princess of Friendship and I certainly enjoy studying, but given how busy I’ve been recently it’s just nice to have a day where I can kick back and relax without having to worry about a thing.

Like I said, this is the first time in practically forever that I don’t have at least one major thing going on. It just really feels nice to know that I can take it easy and do whatever I want today. And I know that you’re probably thinking that doing nothing won’t make for a very interesting episode, but stop and think about it for a second. Today, the possibilities are endless. I can be as spontaneous as I want to be. Maybe I’ll finally get started on reading those Dark Tower books, or binge-watch some Avatar: The Last Airbender on Netflix.

So with that, let’s get to this day of nothingness!

---

So I thought I’d start off my day of nothing by watching a movie that I’ve been meaning to get to for a while now. It’s called Prognosis Negative. I’d actually tried to see it once before with Starlight and Trixie when it was in the theaters, but something involving a dog kept Starlight from being able to make it and neither Trixie nor I wanted to see it if it was going to be just the two of us.

But enough about that, time to watch!

.

*CREAK*

Is that you, Spike?

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Oh nothing, I’m just about to start watching-HAHAHAHAHA!

.

.

I’m…I’m sorry, Spike! B-But that shirt you’re wearing, it’s just…it’s just so puffy!

You…you look like a pirate! A cute little pirate!

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.

Well why in Equestria would you wear something like that in the first place?

.

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Oh, you’re trying it on for Rarity, huh? I see.

Although that does raise a few questions I have for Rarity.

.

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Hey, you have every right to walk around looking like a pirate if you want to. I’m just saying don’t be surprised if you get a few giggles and weird looks from ponies.

.

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Okay, well, see you later.

.

Oh I am so glad I got Spike on camera wearing that shirt.

I’m going to have to figure out how to photoshop the image of him in it onto this year’s Hearth’s Warming card.

---

Okay, so Prognosis Negative was a little…meh. Good, but not great. Even still though, I’m glad I gave it a watch.

So I’m feeling a little hungry now and since it’s noon I might as well go get some lunch. There’s this new place in town I’ve heard about that’s supposed to have the best soup in all of Equestria, so I think maybe I’ll go there for lunch. I can’t remember the last time I had soup.

.

.

Oh, hey Starlight. How are you?

.

.

That’s good.

I was just on my way out to lunch if you’d like to join me?

.

.

I was thinking about trying that new soup place near Town Hall.

.

.

Wait, hold on a second. The pony who runs that place is called what?

.

.

The Soup Nazi?

Why is he called that?

.

.

Oh come on, Starlight. Just because a pony may be a bit irritable doesn’t mean he’s a Nazi. And quite frankly I don’t think it’s very nice to be referring to somepony as a Nazi in the first place.

Unless perhaps you happen to be referring to the likes of Sombra, Chrysalis, or Tirek…and possibly Cozy Glow.

.

.

Okay, well if you’re not going to join me I’ll just be going then.

.

Yeesh, can you believe that? Soup Nazi? I’m sure whoever this pony is he’s not that bad and is very nice once you get to know him.

---

That is one very testy pony.

I mean, all I did was ask for some bread and he told me I couldn’t have any soup before shooing me out. Who does that?

Well whatever, it’s not like I can do anything about it. He has the right to run his business however he wants.

Even if it’s very poorly.

I guess I’ll just go to the Hay Burger for lunch instead.

.

.

.

Oh great.

Hello, Trixie.

What’s with the pole?

.

.

It’s a holiday decoration? For what holiday?

.

.

Festiwhat?

.

.

Huh, I’ve never heard of that holiday before. How do you celebrate it?

.

.

With the Airing of Grievances and the Feats of Strength? That’s…interesting.

.

.

N-No, no thanks. I think I’ll pass on celebrating Festi-whatever with you.

.

.

Yeah, well, I have a lot of problems with you as well, Trixie, but since I’m the Princess of Friendship I don’t think it would be befitting of my position to air my grievances with you in such a manner.

Now good day to you.

.

Geez, I’m not sure who’s worse; her or the Soup Nazi.

---

Okay, now that lunch is over with I think I’ll head back home and relax with a good book.

.

.

.

Oh, hey, Rainbow Dash!

How are you?

.

.

Whoa, are you okay? You seem a bit…on edge.

.

.

You and Applejack are competing with each other again?

What could you two be competing over that’s making you so edgy?

.

.

You’re competing to see which of you is the master of your domain? I’m not sure I understand.

.

.

WHOA WHOA WHOA, STOP! JUST…PLEASE STOP TALKING! I GET THE IDEA!

And I’m sorry I asked.

Well, good luck to you with…all that.

.

I don’t even want to know what prompted Rainbow and Applejack into trying to see which one of them is ‘master of her domain’. I just want to get home and pretend that I didn’t have that conversation with Rainbow Dash just now.

---

Finally, home. I think I’m just going to spend the rest of the day here. The outside world seems a bit…weird today.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

Huh, I wonder who that could be.

.

Oh, hi, Pinkie. What’s-

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.

Pinkie, slow down. I can’t understand you when you’re this frantic.

Now, calmly, tell me whatever it is you came here to tell me.

.

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What? You want me to tell anypony who comes here asking about you that you sell latex for a company called Vandelay Industries?

Why do you-

.

.

Wait, Pinkie, come back!

What the heck is going on that I need to say you’re a latex salespony?!

.

You know, just when I think Pinkie Pie can’t get any more random, she finds a way to prove me wrong.

I think I’m going to end this episode here, because I guess even when you try doing nothing life still throws something at you. Or several somethings. Several strange and bizarre somethings.

Well, as always thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Latex salespony?

Author's Notes:

Someone please draw a picture of Spike wearing the puffy shirt. He would look so cute in it.

Apologies for the long gap between chapters. Finishing up No Longer Living In A Van Down By The River has been more challenging than I imagined it would be.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

LARPing

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Today’s episode is going to be a very special one, because today I’m going to be joined by my number one assistant, and very dear friend, Spike! Or, to be more accurate, I’ll be joining him. You see, what I’m going to be trying in this episode is something that Spike has been doing for a few months now. Something that, in all honesty, seems a bit strange to me, but something that I promised I’d do with him.

Today, I’m going to be trying…LARPing!

For those who don’t know, LARP stands for ‘live action role playing’ and LARPing is the verb form used to describe partaking in live action role playing. It involves dressing up as a fictional character and acting out a story as that character with others. There are many different kinds of LARPs like Steampunk or Post-Apocalyptic, but apparently a number of them simply fall under the category of General Fantasy, which is the kind Spike and I are going to be doing.

LARPs can also vary in terms of the number of players and the length of time that they’re played. The one that Spike and I are going to will run from tonight through tomorrow night, so about 24 hours, and there should be around a couple dozen players, though we’ll only be playing with a few of them. At least according to Spike.

Anyways, like I said the reason I’m trying this today is because I promised Spike I would do it with him, and the reason for that is, well…because we haven’t done anything fun together in a while. Just the two of us, you know? I mean, we spend a lot of time together doing all kinds of official princess and principal duties, but it really has been quite some time since he and I did something fun together.

I could tell Spike was feeling sad because of this, so I promised him we’d spend a day together doing whatever he wanted, and what he wanted was for the two of us to go on one of his LARPing trips together. I’m not exactly sure why he chose LARPing, but I did say anything he wanted, so…here we are.

Also, if you’re wondering why Spike is into LARPing, I really don’t have an answer for you. Though I have a feeling it has to do with that one time when Discord made his and Big Mac’s Ogres & Oubliettes game real.

.

.

I’ll be right there, Spike! I’m just finishing up the intro for my vlog!

Looks like Spike is ready to go, so I’ll stop recording for now and start back up once we reach the Whitetail Woods.

---

Okay, so we just arrived at the Whitetail Woods and we’re headed for the clearing where the meet-up is. While we walk, I’ll explain a few things that Spike explained to me about all this so nopony gets confused.

When we arrive, we’ll get registered and be given our character sheets. These character sheets will inform us of our stats as well as skills that we can use during the game. As somepony who’s done this before, Spike says his character sheet will be pretty complex. And as somepony who is doing this for the first time, he says my character sheet will be fairly simple.

Although I have the feeling that I’ll still have no idea what anything on it means.

After we get our sheets, we’ll change into our costumes and await the start of the game.

Oh, also, Spike says we might not be the same characters the whole time. We may end up being NPCs, or ‘non-player characters’, who will interact with the actual players to help move the story along.

Which I don’t really understand, because if we’re still participating doesn’t that mean we’re still players?

Now normally LARPs don’t allow cameras like the one I use to record this series, as they can break players out of the mindset of their characters, but Spike spoke to the organizers of this LARP and they said it was okay for me to use my camera as long as I kept it inconspicuous.

And that’s about the gist of it…I think. I don’t know, Spike threw a lot of information at me about this thing and I’m not sure if I’m remembering it all or not…or understanding all of it correctly.

Anyways, it looks like we’re getting close to the clearing.

.

Do you hear that, Spike? It sounds like…music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o78T9-I4OGA

Wow, it looks like a number of ponies are already in costume and getting into things. That group over there must be minstrels or something.

.

.

Coming, Spike!

Looks like we’re about to get our character sheets.

.

.

.

Huh. My character's name is Efaris Dawn and I’m a White Mage. That sounds pretty neat.

Let’s see what my stats and skills are.

.

Uh-huh.

.

Interesting.

.

Yep, I have no idea what anything on here means.

Hey, Spike, can you explain my character’s stats and skills to me?

.

.

Oh, so I’m like a healer. Guess that explains why my skills with potions is so high.

Although, why are all of my attack stats so low?

.

.

Healers don’t attack much? Well I guess that makes sense. A healer can’t heal if they end up dead.

.

.

Right, we should get our costumes and get ready.

.

Shoot, when I saw 'mage' I thought that meant I’d be able to use lightning bolts or something.

.

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Wow, these costumes is really nice! If I didn’t know any better I’d say Rarity made them.

.

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Rarity did make them?!

.

.

Yeah, good point, Spike. Whatever helps her grow her business.

Though I can't help but wonder what the story behind her making LARPing costumes is.

.

.

What? It’s time to join our party and found out what our quest is?

Okay, let’s go.

---

Okay, so we have our party and we have our quest. Our quest is that we have to take some sort of ring up to a mountain - which is actually just that small hill over there in the distance - and destroy it…because it’s evil, or something. And our party consists of Efaris Dawn the white mage, played by me, Sir Drake Hearth the paladin, played by Spike, Idril the archer, played by Big Mac, and Nibelle the wizard, played by…

*SIGH*

Trixie.

.

.

Yeah, yeah, keep taunting me about how you’re a higher-level character than me, Trixie.

See if I don’t use my potion skills to make a poison that accidentally gets slipped into your drink during the quest.

.

Anyways, we’re about to start heading off on our quest and I’m kind of excited to see what’s going to happen. I’m guessing there will be tons of obstacles and puzzles that we’re going to have to overcome before we even make it to our camp site for the evening, and I’m actually interested to see what they might be.

So let’s begin the quest!

.

.

.

.

Yep, we’ll come across something any minute now.

.

.

.

.

Nothing happened.

All we did was walk along the path for a few hours, and nothing happened.

I thought we were going to have to fight off bandits or solve a riddle in order to cross a bridge or…something before we reached the camp site. But…nothing.

Seriously, I can’t believe that-AHH!

What’s happening?!

.

.

We’re being ambushed by orcs?!

What do we do, Spi-err-Sir Drake?!

.

.

You three fight them off and I…just…wait until somepony needs healing?

Y-Yeah, okay.

Super.

.

.

.

Okay, anypony need healing?

.

.

Be right there, Idril.

.

.

Idril took more hits than you, Nibelle. He gets healed first.

Guess I’m not so lowly now that you need healing, huh?

How about you, Sir Drake? Do you need any healing?

.

.

Okay, if you’re sure.

.

.

.

Well, that was…not what I expected. I didn’t even get to take part in any of the action. I just watched as the other members of my party fought off the orcs and then I healed them once they were done.

I really hope the rest of the quest isn't like this.

---

*SIGH*

Okay, anypony need healing?!

.

.

Coming, Sir Drake!

.

So, yeah, so far today has been exactly the same as last night. We get attacked, Spike, Big Mac, and Trixie fight them off while I do nothing, then when the battle is over I heal everypony. It’s so boring that I actually wish we'd been chosen to be NPCs for the day.

Frankly, the only reason I’m still playing right now is because of the fact that Spike is having fun, and I don’t want to ruin that. I mean, the whole point of me doing this in the first place was so that he and I could have fun together, and you know what? As long as he’s having fun, I’m having fun too. Even if it’s not as much as him.

So even though I’ve come to the conclusion that LARPing isn’t for me, I’ll keep playing until the end of this quest for my number one assistant.

.

.

Be patient, Nibelle!

I’ll be with you after I’m done with Sir Drake!

.

.

Okay, I’m going to stop recording here because I think I'm about to give ‘Nibelle’ a live action butt kicking and I don’t want it on camera if I do.

So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

I’m coming, Nibelle!

And I’ve got just what you need!

Author's Notes:

Take it from someone with experience; If you're going to LARP, don't be a white mage. You'll do practically nothing the whole time.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Training With The Wonderbolts

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So as you can see from the buildings behind me, I’m currently here at the world-famous Wonderbolts Headquaters! I’ve been here a couple of times before, even once as a teacher to help some new recruits, but no matter how many times I come to this magnificent place it always fills me with a sense of awe. I mean, just think about all the history that’s happened here since it was founded by General Firefly after the first celestial year of peace!

*HAPPY SIGH*

So much history.

.

Ahem, sorry.

Anyways, the reason I’m here today is because I’m going to try…training with the Wonderbolts!

Now I’m sure there are two questions you’re probably asking right now; why are you going to try training with the Wonderbolts, Twilight, and how did you manage to get permission to do so. Well, the answer to why I’m doing this is because the other day Rainbow Dash made a little offhanded remark that I WOULDN’T LAST ONE DAY AS A WONDERBOLT!

The story behind that remark is a long one that I won’t get into here, but the short version is that after Rainbow said that I took exception to it and told her that I COULD SO last one day as a Wonderbolt! We went back-and-forth on this issue for a while until Rainbow asked me to put my money where my muzzle was and prove it. I told her that if she could get me into a training session I’d be glad to.

So, yeah, I’m essentially here on a bet. And if I last the entire training session Rainbow has to give me her autographed Daring Do hat. If I don’t last the entire session, then…actually, I don’t remember Rainbow saying what it is she wanted. But I’m not worried, I can last one training session easily.

Now as for the answer as to how I managed to get permission to do this, the short answer is that Rainbow convinced Spitfire to allow it. However, the long answer is actually a funny story that I feel I need to share with all of you.

See, it’s well-known that Spitfire has a number of protocols when it comes to the Wonderbolts and their training. One of those protocols is that no guests are allowed during training, even if it’s only to spectate. So naturally when Rainbow asked her to make an exception for me she said no.

However, Rainbow was so desperate to prove that she’s right that she told Spitfire that if she allowed me to join in on a training session I’d allocate more money to the Wonderbolts after I became ruler of Equestria. And apparently as soon as Spitfire heard this she changed her mind.

Now here’s the funny part; RAINBOW MADE THAT PROMISE WITHOUT RUNNING IT BY ME FIRST!

But since I'm desperate to prove I’m right, and since it got Spitfire to allow me access to a training session, I suppose it’s all fine. I mean, I’m sure I can relocate a few funds from another source to go to the Wonderbolts after I’m ruler.

Though that other source isn't going to be the libraries, I can tell you that.

So anywhoo, that’s the backstory behind today’s episode. Right now I’m just waiting for Rainbow or Spitfire or whoever to let me know when this training session is supposed to begin.

.

.

.

Oh, hi, Spitfire!

Thank you for letting me join you today.

.

.

W-Well, no problem. I’m…always happy to help the Wonderbolts anyway I can.

Even if it means possibly defunding the Equestrian Parks Department in the process.

.

.

Oh, of course. I don't expect nor do I want any special treatment just because I'm a princess.

I assure you I want nothing less than the full Wonderbolts training experience.

.

.

Go get changed?

What do you mean?

.

.

I get my own Wonderbolts uniform for today’s training session?!

*SQUEE*

I-I mean, thank you. I’ll go get changed right away.

.

I get to wear an official Wonderbolts uniform!

*SQUEE*

.

Oh geez. I just realized I’m fangirling like Rainbow Dash right now, aren’t I?

.

.

.

Wow, these uniforms are really comfy! I wonder what kind of fabric they’re made with.

.

.

Oh, hey, Rainbow.

.

.

Oh, you better believe I’m ready!

Ready to prove I'm right and win that autographed Daring Do hat.

---

Okay, so we’re all lined-up and ready to go. We’re just waiting for Spitfire to tell us what our first training activity will be for today.

.

.

*PFFT*

50 wing-ups? This is going to be easy.

.

One!

.

Two!

.

Three!

.

---

Forty…Eight.

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Forty…Nine.

.

F-Fifty!

*DEEP BREATHING*

.

.

I…I’m fine, Rainbow.

I think I’m just…a little worn out from…the work-out I already did this morning.

.

.

Oh, y-yeah, I always…do a few wing-ups and sit-ups and…things like that right after I wake up.

.

.

Mm-hmm, every…morning.

.

.

Time to…move on to the next training activity?

Okay, right…behind you.

---

Wait, we’re going to train on the Dizzitron next?

I thought that was only used for training recruits.

.

.

N-No, ma’am! Sorry, ma’am! I won’t question you again…ma’am!

.

Spitfire yelled at me.

.

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I’m going first?!

.

.

N-No, ma’am! No problem, ma’am!

.

.

.

O-Okay, ready.

Please don’t let me fly out too early, please don’t let me fly out too early, please don’t-

Whoa!

S-Spinning.

.

Getting a little d-dizzy already.
.

Whoawhoawhoawhoa-AAAAAAH!

---

You know, when I become ruler of Equestria I think I’m going to outlaw the Dizzitron. After experiencing it first-hoof it seems more like an instrument of torture than an instrument of training.

I’m honestly surprised nopony has been seriously hurt on it before. It's an accident waiting to happen.

.

.

What’s that, Rainbow? Time for our next training activity?

Okay, what is it?

Please don’t be something scary like BASE jumping.

.

.

Flying through hoops?

Oh, thank Celestia!

I-I mean, that sounds like fun!

.

.

Nice try, Rainbow. But I seriously doubt that we’ll be flying through flaming hoops.

.

Okay, the hoops actually are on fire.

.

I’m going to die here.

---

Sorry for the weird shots right now. I’m just checking my reflection in the camera lens for any singes on my wings. After I got done with the flaming hoops I thought I smelled burning feathers.

.

.

.

Okay, I’m good.

*DEJECTED SIGH*

I’m going to be honest with all of you right now; I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I mean, I knew that the Wonderbolts had intense training sessions, but some of this is just plain crazy! Just…why is flying through flaming hoops a thing here?! They don’t even do that kind of stuff in the Equestria Games!

.

.

Break time is over already, Rainbow?

Okay, what’s next?

.

.

BASE JUMPING?!

NO, UH-UH, I’M DONE! YOU WERE RIGHT, RAINBOW!

.

.

Yes, okay, I was wrong! Being a Wonderbolt is really, really tough and I can’t handle being one even for one day.

.

Well, while Rainbow does her victory dance, or whatever it is she’s doing, I’ll end this episode here.

So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

Oh right, our bet.

Okay, Rainbow, what do you want?

.

.

You want me to WHAT?!

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to Commander Darklight for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Group Cosplay

Hi, everypony, and welcome…to…

*SIGH*

Rainbow, do I have to do an episode of Twilight Tries for this?

.

.

Yes, I know I lost our bet and I have to do this with you, but is doing an episode of my vlog in conjunction with it really necessary?

.

.

Okay, okay, I'll do it.

Just let me start again.

.

Ahem.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Now if you watched my last episode where I trained with the Wonderbolts, you might remember that Rainbow Dash and I had a bet going as to whether or not I could actually make it through the entire training session. The bet was that if I did make it through the entire session Rainbow would give me her autographed Daring Do hat, and if I didn’t make it through the entire session I had to do a favor for Rainbow.

Well, as you probably remember, I…didn’t make it all the way through training with the Wonderbolts. And so now I owe Rainbow a favor, which for some reason she’s insisting I record and make into an episode of my vlog. I mean, it’s not that big a deal because the favor she wants from me is something I’ve never tried before, so it's not like it's messing with my premise or anything, but I just don’t see why I have to record myself doing it.

So anyways, what I’ll be trying today is…group cosplay.

I should mention that this isn’t my first-time cosplaying in general. Back when the Starswirl the Bearded Traveling Museum came to Ponyville I dressed up as Starswirl while attending it, so I’m not unfamiliar with the concept of cosplay. However, this will be the first-time I’m coordinating my cosplay with other ponies, hence the ‘group’ part.

As for why Rainbow Dash asked me to cosplay with her, I’m honestly not sure. All I know is that ever since going to the Daring Do convention a while back, that pony has really been getting into conventions, even non-Daring Do ones.

Personally, I think she just secretly likes cosplaying.

Anywhoo, when I asked Rainbow why she wanted me to cosplay with her for this seemingly generic pop-culture convention, she just said, and I quote, ‘Because I have this totally awesome idea for a group cosplay and I need a third pony for it.’

In case you’re wondering why I’m the third pony, it’s because Pinkie is already the second.

Now before you ask; No, I don’t know what character I’ll be cosplaying as. Rainbow wouldn’t tell me. All she said was for me to meet her here at the convention hall and she’d give me the run-down of our group cosplay.

Because apparently this is something that requires a run-down.

.

Okay, Rainbow, I finished the set-up for the episode.

Now can you please tell me who I’ll be cosplaying as?

.

.

Mai?

Who’s Mai?

.

.

She’s from Avatar: The Last Airbender?!

Oh, Rainbow, I told you I’ve only gotten through the first season of that show!

.

.

Hey, I’m a princess and I run a school, remember? I don’t have the time to binge-watch shows like you do, so forgive me if it’s taking me a while to get through Avatar.

.

.

Look, just…I can’t cosplay as Mai, okay? One, I’ve never seen her so I don’t know how to cosplay as her properly. And two, since I’m currently watching Avatar and haven’t seen her yet, I feel like cosplaying as her would be tantamount to spoilers for me.

.

.

*SIGH*

I know, I know; the bet.

.

Okay, how about this? I'll cosplay as Mai for you, but you have to promise me that we won’t talk about our cosplays too much. I want to keep the spoilers for seasons two and three of Avatar to a minimum.

.

.

Thank you.

Now if you’ll give me my costume, I’ll go get dressed so we can get this over with.

.

.

.

It just had to be Avatar cosplay, didn’t it?

---

I have to say, whoever this Mai character is, she has a pretty neat outfit. A little dark in color for my taste, but I do like the design of it. And as strange as it may sound, wearing this costume right now is actually making me more excited for the next season of Avatar. I’m very interested to see who this character is.

.

Oh, there’s Rainbow and Pinkie, and it looks like they’re in costume now too.

.

Hi, girls!

.

.

Oh, thanks, Pinkie, I like your costume as well.

Who are you dressed up as?

.

.

Ty Lee, huh?

I don’t recall seeing her in season one either.

.

You know, I don’t know who Ty Lee is, but I have this odd feeling that Pinkie is the perfect pony to be cosplaying as her.

.

And who are you, Rainbow?

.

.

Azula? And together we’re the Fire Nation Trio?

Eh, whatever you say.

So, what’s the run-down you wanted to go over with us?

.

.

We’re entering a costume contest?!

I probably should have seen something like that coming.

.

.

It’s not for a while though so we can explore the convention until then?

Oh, okay. I’m sure we can find something around here that all three of us can enjoy and-

.

Aaaand they both left.

*SIGH*

Great.

---

M’m, this convention hall has some really good soft pretzels. They’re a bit expensive, but you really get your bit’s worth. And the mustard they put on them is delicious! I may have to find out what kind it is so I can get some for home.

.

.

.

Um, hello there. Can I help you?

.

.

Star Tracker? Is that really you?

.

.

Yeah, it’s good to see you too.

.

.

Oh, thanks, I like your costume too. I especially like the attention to detail on the scar. You make a pretty convincing Zuko.

.

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Um, hey, S-Star Tracker, do you remember that little talk we had about personal space? Because you’re getting a bit too clo-

.

.

Oh, um, no, actually. I’ve only seen the first season so I don’t really know anything about Mai.

.

.

She and Zuko are a c-couple?!

Oh dear.

.

.

G-Gee, I would love to explore the convention with you, b-but, um, I’m actually here with my friends – they’re cosplaying as Azula and Ty Lee – and I should probably go find them so that we don’t miss the costume contest.

.

.

NO!

I mean, n-no, that’s okay, you don’t need to help me look for them. I wouldn’t want you to waste your time on that when there are so many wonderful, um, panels and…other convention-related things to do around here.

So it was really great seeing you again, Star Tracker, but, you know, I gotta get going and-

.

.

Rainbow, Pinkie! I’m so glad you two found me!

We better get going if we want to make the costume contest, don’t you think?

.

.

Oh, this is Star Tracker. I met him when my family and I went on that zeppelin cruise a while back.

.

.

Yeah, his costume is pretty good. Now can we go? If we don’t hurry we won’t make it in time for the contest. And we don’t want that, do we?

.

.

WHAT?!

Y-You’re inviting him to join our group?! B-But I thought we were the Fire Nation Trio; you know, trio, as in three. Won’t having him throw off our group dynamic?!

.

.

Oh, Zuko...joins the Fire Nation Trio later in the series.

That was clearly a spoiler, but I really can’t focus on that right now.

.

.

*SIGH*

Okay, fine, whatever.

Welcome to the group, Star Tracker.

Let’s just get to the costume contest already.

.

.

.

Please stop walking so close to me, Star Tracker.

---

Okay, so what are we supposed to do for this contest, Rainbow?

.

.

We just go out on stage when it’s our turn, show off our costumes, and give a few poses like our characters would?

Seems simple enough, just one concern though: I don’t know what kind of poses my character would give. I haven’t seen the seasons of Avatar with her in them yet, remember?

.

.

Oh, she throws stilettos and knives, huh? I think I can come up with a few poses related to that.

But what about Mai’s personality? How should I emote?

.

.

I…shouldn’t emote?

Okay, you lost me.

.

.

Mai doesn’t express herself much and is very stoic?

Sounds like a certain Pie sister I know.

.

.

Yeah, I think I got it.

.

It’s our turn already?!

Okay, okay, I’ve got this.

I am stoic. Very stoic.

---

Well that wasn’t too bad.

Except for that one pose where Star Tracker pulled me into that hug unexpectedly.

But the audience seemed to really like our costumes, and I have to admit, the whole thing was pretty fun.

Like I said earlier, I’ve cosplayed before in the past and enjoyed it, but after going through all this just now I found that it, like most things in life, is even better when you do it with friends.

So, what now, Rainbow?

.

.

We watch everypony else go and wait for the judges to announce the winners?

Okay, well, I guess I’ll end this episode here then. So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on-

.

.

I have to keep recording until they announce the winners?

Come on, Rainbow, that can’t possibly be a condition of our bet.

.

.

Fine, fine, if you want me to that badly.

Guess we'll just watch the other contestants until then.

.

.

.

Ooh, that’s some nice Nightmare Before Christmas cosplay.

.

.

.

.

WE WON! OH MY GOSH, WE WON!

.

Okay…group hug…too tight.

.

*HEAVY BREATHING*

Okay, now I’m ending the episode so we can go on-stage and get our award.

So see you next time, everypony!

.

You can stop hugging me now, Star Tracker.

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to Butterscotch Moonglow for suggesting this chapter and mew-me for helping inspire it with the below picture!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Being Pinkie Pie

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Now that I’ve gotten my greeting out of the way, I need to be honest with you about today’s episode. See, the thing is…it’s not really going to be an episode of Twilight Tries. I mean, it is, but at the same time it isn’t…for a few reasons. One, this technically isn’t the first time I’m going to be trying this, and two, the main purpose for why I’m doing a recording of this is because I want to prove to myself that I’m not crazy.

I’m sure I’m not making much sense right now, so allow me to explain. Or at least, allow me to explain as best as I can.

It all started two days ago when I was here at the Canterlot Library. I was climbing this very same staircase trying to get to the top floor when I came across this sign. Do you see it? Floor 7 ½. Strange, right? Especially since I’ve used this staircase countless times and never once noticed it before.

Anyways, if you open the door to this floor like so…you’ll see that it’s just like the rest of the library, only with a much lower ceiling. But that’s not the weirdest part about the 7 ½th floor. Follow me.

.

.

.

Sorry this is taking so long. I have to practically crawl in order to get around this floor.

.

.

.

Ah, here we are.

Do you see this? This tiny door in the wall nestled between two book shelves? I came across it while I was exploring this floor for the first time and thought it was pretty strange, so I decided to check it out. I opened the door with my magic, just like this, and…yep, there it is again; a long, seemingly endless tunnel, just like last time. Now, if you know the Canterlot Library like I do, you’ll know that the other side of this wall faces the outside of the building, so it should be impossible for this tunnel to be here.

Naturally, my curious nature compelled me to investigate this phenomenon. So I went inside the tunnel and started crawling towards the other end, and after a few seconds I was sort of pulled in by some unknown force and, well…

*SIGH*

Look, I know that what I’m about to tell you sounds crazy, but just…bear with me while I tell it to you.

When I reached the other end of the tunnel, I found myself…inside Pinkie Pie’s head. And I don’t mean inside her head like in her subconscious or anything like that, I mean inside her head like I was seeing everything that she was seeing. Then after a little while I was spit out into a ditch by the side of the road that leads into Canterlot.

Again, I’m fully aware how everything I just said sounds completely insane, but I swear to you that it’s the truth. This tunnel is a portal that leads into Pinkie’s head, and when I went through it I saw the world through her eyes for a few minutes.

At this point I’m sure a few of you watching right now might be thinking that I’ve experienced the mother of all twilighting episodes and lost my mind, but before you consider calling the ponies in the white coats, just let me go through the tunnel and prove to you that I’m not crazy. If it turns out I’m wrong about all of this, I promise to see a psychiatrist first thing tomorrow morning. But If I’m right, well…then we’re going to have one truly bizarre episode of Twilight Tries on our hooves.

Okay, here we go.

.

.

.

I’m honestly not sure if I want to be right or wrong about all of this.

.

Wait, here it comes! We’re getting sucked in!

WAAAAAAAHHH!

.

.

.
Whoa. Forgot how that felt the first time.

But look, we’re here! We’re inside Pinkie Pie’s head!

I can tell it’s her by all the bouncing!

Which is actually making me feel a bit queasy. Honestly, how does she do this all day?

But the point is that I’m not crazy!

Ha-ha, are you seeing this?!

Wait. Seriously, are you seeing this? I never stopped to consider whether or not bringing the camera through the portal would actually allow you to see everything through Pinkie’s eyes like I can.

Hmm.

.

Eh, I’m just going to assume that you can.

But how amazing – and slightly unsettling – is this?! Being inside Pinkie’s head like this raises so many philosophical and existential questions. Am I still me right now? Is Pinkie still Pinkie? Ooh, I may very well have to write a research paper about all of this!

If only I had a way to take notes while I’m in here.

So like I said earlier, after a little while we’ll be thrown out of Pinkie’s head. But until then we might as well just kick back, so to speak, and see what Pinkie gets up to for the next few minutes.

.

.

.

Looks like she’s headed towards Sugar Cube Corner.

.

Oh, there’s Mrs. Cake.

Hi, Mrs. Cake!

I know she can’t hear me, but it just feels weird having somepony say hi to you and not saying hi back.

.

.

Sounds like Pinkie and Mrs. Cake are going to do some baking together.

How fun!

.

.

But first Pinkie needs to…take a bathroom break?!

Oh no! Oh no, no, no!

I do not want to be inside Pinkie’s head while she takes a bathroom break! I need to get out of here, but I don’t know how!

Hello?! Magic doorway…portal…thing?! I’m ready to be spit out into the ditch now!

.

Hello?!

.

Oh no, she’s already in the bathroom! And I can’t close my eyes because they’re not really my eyes.

This is not going to be pretty.

.

Wait a second, Pinkie’s just…standing in front of the mirror. I mean I’m glad that’s all she’s doing in here, but…why is she doing it in the first place?

.

Oh my gosh, Pinkie is…is crying. W-Why is she…

.

.

She…she’s telling herself that she needs to stay positive. That she needs to…t-to ignore all the bad feelings and thoughts so that…so that she can make everypony else smile.

*SNIFFLE*

Pinkie, I…I’m so sorry. You always seem so happy that I never even imagined you might be feeling - WAAAAAAAHHH!

.

.

.

Oof!

Yep, ditch by the side of the road that leads into Canterlot. Just like last time.

.

I…I can’t believe what I just saw. Pinkie is…is hurting inside, and she’s been keeping it a secret from everypony because she doesn’t want to make them feel sad. I had no idea that she was dealing with such things.

I have to do something to help her. I don’t know what exactly, but I know a good place to start; giving her a hug and telling her that she doesn’t need to hide her feelings from me. That she can share them with me and that I’ll be there for her when she’s feeling bad.

And I should probably do all that sooner rather than later, so I’m going to end this recording here.

So thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries.

I should probably tell Pinkie about the portal that leads into her head at some point too.

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to ThePinkedWonder, Smashmaster, and RandomGuy101 who may not have suggested this premise specifically, but who's suggestions involving Pinkie did help inspire it! And the movie, Being John Malkovich, obviously. (Seriously, see that movie if you haven't already. It's great.)

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Facing Her Fear of Quesadillas

Deep breaths, Twilight, you can do this.

*DEEP BREATHING*

Okay…ready.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So if you remember the episode of this vlog where I tried watching horror movies, you might remember me telling you that when I was a filly I watched a low-budget movie called Attack of the Killer Quesadillas with my brother and that it scared me so much I ended up developing a fear of both horror movies and quesadillas.

Well, ever since that episode I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my fear of quesadillas, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time for me to face it. And that’s what today’s episode is going to be about.

That’s right, today I’m finally going to try and face my fear of quesadillas!

The only thing, though, is that I’m not exactly sure how to go about doing that. I mean, facing my fear of horror movies was one thing, I wasn’t afraid of them quite as much and all I had to do was sit down and watch a couple of them. But facing my fear of quesadillas, I don’t even know where to begin with that.

Fortunately though, a few of my friends said they had some ideas on how to help me! And with their help, I’m sure I’ll be over my fear of quesadillas in no time. After all, it’s like I always say, ‘With good friends, anything is possible’.

I say that, don’t I? I mean, maybe not that exactly, but at least something along those lines.

I really need to get another friendship journal or something to write all my sayings down in.

Anywhoo, my friends should be arriving shortly, and once they do we’ll get started.

---

Rainbow Dash

Looks like Rainbow Dash is the first to arrive. I kind of figured she would be.

.

Hi, Rainbow! Thanks so much for coming over to the castle and helping me with this. I really appreciate it.

So what did you have in mind to help me face my fear of quesadillas?

.

.

You want me to what?

.

.

No, I heard what you said. I’m just having a bit of a hard time believing that you said it.

You seriously want me to beat up a quesadilla? How is that supposed to help me get over my fear of them.

.

.

You think it’ll work because it helped you get over your fear of sock puppets, huh?

Very interesting.

Well, I don’t know if that’ll work for me though. I mean, how does one even beat up a quesadilla anyways?

.

.

No, no, that’s fine, I don’t need a demonstration!

Just…give me the dang thing already. I’m sure I’ll figure it out.

.

Okay, you can do this, Twilight, you can do this.

Haaaah!

Eee.

.

.

That was too a real punch!

Just a very soft one.

.

.

Alright, alright, I’ll punch it harder!

Haaaah!

.

AH, CHEESE IN MY MANE! IT SHOT CHEESE IN MY MANE!

GETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUT!

---

Pinkie Pie

Okay, so Rainbow’s idea didn’t exactly work out.

I really hope I got all that cheese out of my mane.

But thankfully Pinkie Pie has arrived and has a different idea that she thinks might help me!

So, Pinkie, what’s your idea?

.

.

You want me to make a quesadilla, huh?

I think I understand your logic here. Since my fear of quesadillas stemmed from an overly exaggerated horror-fantasy of them, you think that if I make one myself it’ll help me realize that they’re simply inanimate food and not evil creatures that want to eat me.

How psychologically astute of you, Pinkie.

.

.

Right, let’s get cooking!

.

Okay, so what’s the first step?

.

.

We put the ingredients into the tortilla.

Got it!

.

.

.

Okay, they’re in. Now what?

.

.

Fold the tortilla and put it in the pan to cook?

Okie doki.

.

.

Oh, I have to flip it after about a minute and a half?

Makes sense.

.

.

.

Okay aaaaand…flip!

Uh-oh, little too much power in that flip.

.

AAAAH! IT’S ON MY FACE! IT’S TRYING TO EAT ME!

GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!

---

Fluttershy

Thank goodness I knew that first-aid spell, or that hot quesadilla could’ve really burned my face.

Anyways, since Pinkie’s idea didn’t work out either, we’re going to move on and see what Fluttershy thinks might help.

I don’t know why I didn’t start with her given all of her experience facing fears.

Okay, Fluttershy, what’s your expert advice on helping me get over my fear of quesadillas?

.

.

Beat one up?!

But…I…you…WHAT?!

How is that your suggestion?! How in the name of Celestia is it that you of all ponies are suggesting that?!

.

.

Why am I not surprised Rainbow Dash told you to suggest it.

RAINBOW!

---

Starlight Glimmer

Uh, Starlight, I have a few concerns about this.

.

.

Yes, I understand that the treatment for overcoming fears you read about is experimental and all, but do I really need to be strapped to a chair like this…and have these clamps on my eyelids so that I can’t close them?

.

.

It just seems a bit…unsettling is all. Especially since you haven’t even told me what it is you’ll be doing.

.

.

You’re…just going to show me some movies?

One of them isn’t Attack of the Killer Quesadillas, is it?

.

.

You’re going to show me stock-footage movies?

This is just getting stranger and stranger.

.

.

No, no, I trust you completely.

Whenever you’re ready.

.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1-TrAvp_xs

.

.

.

It’s just footage of quesadillas. I don’t see how showing me this is supposed to help me get over my fear of - Wait a second, is that…is that Mozart playing in the background?

N-No, it can’t be.

Starlight!

Why is Mozart playing in the background of this?!

.

.

You can’t use Mozart over footage of quesadillas like this, Starlight! It’s a sin!

Mozart never did anything to anypony! His music doesn’t deserve to be used like this!

It’s a sin I tell you! IT’S A SIN!

---

That…that was horrible. I don’t know where Starlight read about that so-called ‘treatment for overcoming fears’, but I can tell you it definitely didn’t help me overcome my fear of quesadillas. In fact, I think it might have actually made it worse! I don’t think I’ll be able to listen to Mozart again without thinking of quesadillas now.

And I really liked Mozart too.

*SIGH*

I think I’m just going to call it quits here. None of my friends’ ideas have worked and most have backfired on me in one way or another. I guess I’m just going to have to accept the fact that I’ll always be afraid of quesadillas and-

.

.

Spike?

You have an idea for how to help me with my fear of quesadillas?

.

.

I don’t know. You’re sure your idea won’t result in me being covered in cheese or subjected to what could very well be considered a form of torture?

.

.

Okay, let’s hear it.

.

.

You want me to…stand in front of this quesadilla and tell it I’m not afraid of it?

Spike, I really don’t think that’s going to-

.

.

Okay, okay, if you say so. I guess there’s no harm in trying it.

.

*DEEP BREATH*

I…I’m not afraid of you.

.

.

Again?

*DEEP BREATH*

I’m not afraid of you!

.

.

I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU!

.

Wow, that…that actually felt kind of good. I mean, I don’t feel like I’m completely over my fear of quesadillas, but I feel like I’ve taken a step in the right direction.

Thanks, Spike.

.

.

Yes, you’re one pretty smart dragon alright.

Well I think I’m actually going to end this episode now, but not before I leave you with a little bit of insight that I learned today; Facing your fears can be a difficult and frustrating thing to do, and chances are you’re not going to get over them in one day, but if you keep working at it and never give up, you’ll get over them eventually.

So thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

Hey, Spike, can you do me a favor and take all the Mozart records in the castle and throw them up in the attic?

I want to make sure nopony plays Mozart around here for a while.

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to the many, many people who suggested this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Being Trixie's Assistant

...I swear, the things I do in the name of friendship sometimes.

.

Oh, shoot, the recording’s already started.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

For today’s episode, I’ll be trying something that, quite frankly, I never imagined I’d be trying. Seriously, never. I honestly thought that I’d try something completely insane like, I don’t know…sticking my head in an active volcano, or sitting through an entire Ken Burns documentary before I’d ever try what it is I’m about to try.

And what I’m about to try is…being Trixie’s assistant.

Now before you ask; No, I’m not joking, and yes, I am doing this of my own free will.

So if you’ve seen a few of the other episodes of my vlog, you know that Trixie and I don’t exactly have the best relationship, and you might be wondering right now why it is that I’ve agreed to undertake this rather undesirable task. Well, the answer is simple; I’m doing it as a favor to Starlight.

For those of you who are unaware, Starlight has been assisting Trixie with her shows for some time now. She can’t always assist with every show because Trixie travels to some pretty distant places to perform, and since she has her guidance counselor job here in Ponyville her availability is limited. But whenever Trixie is in or around town she lends a helping hoof, both off and on-stage.

So anyways, Trixie is in Ponyville today for a show and, as fate would have it, Starlight isn’t feeling well. It’s nothing serious mind you, just a cold by the looks of it, but it’s enough to leave her bedridden and unable to be Trixie’s assistant for tonight’s performance. And because of this, she’s asked me to fill in for her.

Again, Trixie and I aren’t exactly besties, so as you can imagine I was a bit reluctant to agree to Starlight’s request. She said she knew it was a lot to ask of me given how Trixie and I feel about one another, but she also said that she really didn’t want to let her friend down and figured that a substitute assistant – any substitute assistant – would be better than nothing.

Well, being the Princess of Friendship I couldn’t really say no when she put it like that.

Sometimes this title really has its drawbacks.

So…here we are. On the way to Trixie’s wagon to be her replacement assistant.

I should mention too that Trixie doesn’t know I’m filling in for Starlight. Apparently Starlight was hoping she’d be better by now and didn’t say anything to Trixie about a possible replacement helping her tonight. So, yep, I’m the one who gets to break the news to Trixie.

Fun.

.

Oh, and in case you were wondering why I’m recording this for Twilight Tries, the reason is because doing so is my silver lining. I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m not all that thrilled about being Trixie’s assistant, but if I’m going to be I might as well make the most of it and record it for an episode of my vlog.

.

.

.

There’s Trixie.

Okay, Twilight, just be friendly and everything should work out fine.

.

Hi, Trixie.

.

.

Aaaand we’re already off to a less-than-ideal start.

Look, I’m just going to cut right to the chase here, okay? Starlight is feeling under the weather and she asked me to fill in for her as your assistant tonight.

.

.

Yes, really!

Why would I lie about something like that?!

.

.

Oh, yeah, because I secretly want to be your assistant. Sure, Trixie.

Okay, well, believe whatever you want, Trixie, but here are the facts. Starlight is back at the castle with a cold, she isn’t coming tonight, and she sent me as her replacement. You can go see her for yourself if you want, but I guarantee you she’ll be in bed sniffling and tell you that I am being 100% serious right now.

.

.

Right, well if that won’t be necessary then I suggest we get started. I’ve never been a magician’s assistant before, so I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff I need to learn before tonight.

.

.

Why does she always need to make such smug remarks like that?

---

Okay, what do we do first?

.

.

I unload the wagon?

Um, okay, what about you then?

.

.

You…go get a smoothie?

Okay, just, let me make sure I’m understanding this correctly. While I unload your wagon, you are going to go into town to get yourself a smoothie?

.

.

Uh-huh.

And is this how things are usually done when Starlight helps you?

.

.

You’ll be sure to bring me back a smoothie, huh?

That doesn’t answer my question.

Look, Trixie, I'm willing to be your assistant, but I'm not going to be your –

Aaaand she’s already gone.

*SIGH*

You’re doing this for Starlight, Twilight. Just keep reminding yourself of that.

---

Geez Louise, how much stuff does Trixie have in her wagon? And more importantly, how does she fit so much stuff in her wagon?

This thing isn’t a Tardis, is it?

.

Oh, Trixie, you’re back.

.

.

Well, the unloading would be going a lot faster if you helped me.

.

.

*PFFT*

Too great and powerful to help my flank.

By the way, where's my smoothie?

.

.

The smoothie you promised to bring back for me half an hour ago?

.

.

Unbelievable.

Okay, just…forget about the smoothie. Don’t you think maybe we should do a run through or something so that I know what to do come show time?

.

.

You thought of a new act for the show while you were gone?

Okay, what is it?

.

.

WHAT?!

Oh no, I don’t think so, Trixie!

You are not going to strap me to a spinning board so you can throw knives at me while blindfolded!

.

.

Gee, I don’t know, maybe because knife throwing is incredibly dangerous! Plus, I’m willing to bet you don’t even have any previous experience doing it!

Seriously, would you have suggested something like that if Starlight were here?!

.

.

Calm down?! CALM DOWN?!

HOW IN THE HAY AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN?! I COME HERE TO HELP YOU AND ALL YOU DO IS TREAT ME LIKE YOUR BUCKING SERVANT AND SAY YOU WANT TO THROW KNIVES AT ME!

ALL THINGS CONSIDERED I THINK ME BEING UPSET RIGHT NOW IS PRETTY DARN WARRANTED!

.

.

Oh no, uh-uh, you are not getting rid of me that easily, Trixie. I promised Starlight I would be your assistant tonight and by Luna's mane that is what I’m going to do.

But first, you and I are going to have a little talk.

.

.

Yes, I promise I’ll be calm.

.

.

Okay, so just plain old straight talk; Why do you hate me so much, Trixie?

I mean, I get that you don’t particularly like me after the whole Ursa Minor and Alicorn Amulet incidents, but I get the impression there’s more behind your feelings than just those two things.

.

.

You…can’t tell me?

Why not?

.

.

If you tell me then you’ll be indirectly breaking a promise you made to another pony?

So much for plain old straight talk.

Okay, I’m not going to ask you to break your promise. But I am going to ask you if you can put your negative feelings towards me aside for one night so we can do this show together. I know a lot of ponies are looking forward to it, and I know Starlight wants it to go on as well.

So what do you say? Do you think we can do this for all of your fans and for Starlight?

.

.

Thank you, Trixie.

Now how about that run through?

.

.

No, I’m still not letting you throw knives at me.

---

Wow, that actually wasn’t so bad. In fact, I’d say it was kind of fun.

Never thought I’d ever say that.

But yeah, when Trixie isn’t being all jealous and smug, she’s actually pretty enjoyable to be around. And having been her assistant today, I’ve definitely gained a certain appreciation for all the hard work she puts into her shows. They’re not as easy to put on as they seem.

Anyways, it’s unclear where the relationship between myself and Trixie is going to go from here, but I’d say that after today we’ve taken at least a baby step closer to becoming friends. Right now we’re going to get some post-show smoothies together and then take one to Starlight to cheer her up a bit.

.

.

Oh, thanks, Trixie.

I’m just glad I was an acceptable replacement assistant.

.

.

Great and powerful replacement assistant, huh? Bit of a mouthful, but I’ll take it.

Wait a second.

You can see why Starlight likes me so much?

What do you mean by that?

.

.

Okay, I’ll…just forget you said that.

So, um, smoothies?

.

.

Yeah, okay, I’ll meet you there.

.

Well, I think that’ll about do it for this episode.

So thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

Hold on a minute.

Trixie says she doesn’t like me for a reason she can’t reveal without breaking a promise to another pony, but then makes a comment about Starlight liking me, and she and Starlight are really close friends.

You don't think…

.

*PFFT*

Come on, Twilight, Trixie’s negative feelings towards you don’t stem from her being jealous that Starlight has feelings for you instead of her.

Literally every aspect of that idea is just plain silly.

R-Right?

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to ANW for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Tae Bo

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So today’s episode is going to be an interesting one because what I’m going to try is something that I’d never even heard of until recently. Plus, it’s something that comes from…another world!

Oo-oo!

.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist doing that.

But in all seriousness, what I’m going to be trying today really does come from another world. Sunset Shimmer’s world to be specific, and was actually introduced to me by Sunset herself.

What I’ll be trying today is…Tae Bo!

So what is Tae Bo you may ask? Well, if you’re like me then your first thought might be that it’s a type of tea, like bai mudan or ginseng, but it’s not that at all. Tae Bo is actually a form of working out that incorporates martial arts techniques such as punches and kicks. Sunset said it was a pretty popular way of exercising in her world a while back, and when I mentioned to her that I was thinking of starting an exercise routine she said this might work for me.

But I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let me explain why it is I’m even trying Tae Bo in the first place.

You see, I don’t exercise that often. And when I say, ‘that often’, what I actually mean is, ‘at all’. Believe me, I know that I should do at least a little bit of exercising on a regular basis, but like a lot of ponies I just don’t. This is mostly because I’ve never felt the need to since I get a good workout whenever I fight monsters and other threats to Equestria. I mean, doing that has to burn just as many calories as a regular-old workout, right?

Anyways, this is kind of embarrassing for me to admit, but recently I discovered that I’ve…

…gained a few pounds.

But only a few!

.

Ahem.

So anyways, after this discovery I decided it was time for me to get serious about exercising. The only problem was, I didn’t know where to start. At first I thought about asking somepony like Rainbow Dash or Applejack who works out fairly regularly for a bit of guidance, but during one of my journal chats with Sunset the other day I mentioned my new devotion to exercising and she said that she might have something to help me. So I hopped on over to her world and she gave me this!

Now where did I leave that thing?

.

Ah, here it is. A tape of Billy Blanks’ Tae Bo Workout.

This is apparently the first in a series of Tae Bo workout tapes from this Billy Blanks person, and Sunset said she’d be willing to let me borrow the others too if I wanted them.

But enough chit-chat. Let’s do some Tae Bo!

.

I just realized that I have no idea how I’m supposed to play this tape.

It’s a bit too big and rectangular to be played like one of those DVD things Sunset has so many of, and it doesn’t seem like something I can play through my computer either.

Hmm.

.

Excuse me for a bit while I pop on over to Sunset’s world and try to figure out how this thing works.

---

Okay, I’m back.

So Sunset gave me this thing called a ‘VCR player’ that she says should play the tape she gave me. It’s pretty bulky compared to other technology I’ve seen in Sunset’s world, but given how bulky the tape is I guess that’s not surprising.

Now all I have to do is hook this up and we’ll be good to go!

.

Let’s see. That cable connects to that port there.

Aaaand that one goes there.

.

Okay, all set…I think. The little clock on the player keeps blinking 12:00, but I don’t think that’ll keep it from playing the tape. So let me just put the tape in and…yes, it’s playing!

.

Wow.

You know, when Sunset said this was popular in her world a while back she must have meant a long while back.

Either that or her world is heading in a really weird direction.

The music and graphics seem so dated, even to somepony from another world like me. But I guess the important thing is the workout content, so I’ll just focus on that. Of course as I say that and continue to watch this intro I’m realizing that this workout routine is designed for bipedal creatures, and I’m not a bipedal creature.

Geez, I am really lacking in hindsight today.

Although, maybe I can try standing on just my back hooves while I do this. Let me just adjust myself here and - Whoa! WHOA!

.

Ow.

Okay, the fact that I just fell flat on my back tells me that I can’t do this bipedal. At least…not here in Equestria.

.

I have an idea.

---

Okay, I’m back again, and as you’ve probably noticed I look a little bit different now.

That’s right, I went through the mirror portal into Sunset’s world and now I’m human. A bipedal human.

Though I suppose that goes without saying.

Anywhoo, I figured doing this was the only way I’d be able to try Tae Bo, so I grabbed the tape and the VCR player and came here. And where exactly is here, you ask? The answer is it’s Sunset Shimmer’s apartment, which means that, you guessed it, I’m with Sunset right now!

Say hi, Sunset!

.

.

Sunset said that as soon as she finishes hooking the VCR player back up, we can get started doing Tae Bo. And yes, you heard me correctly, I said, ‘we can get started’. Sunset’s going to be joining me!

When I started this episode I wasn’t planning on having any special guests join me, but I’m certainly glad to have one. Like with most things in life, I’m sure this will be even better doing it with a friend.

.

.

All set, Sunset?

Great! Then let’s get started!

.

.

Oh, you think I should change into some different clothes first?

Now that you mention it, that’s probably not a bad idea. These clothes that magically appear on me when I step through the portal don’t really seem like they’d be good to exercise in.

Do you have a spare workout outfit that I could borrow?

.

.

Okay, thanks, Sunset.

Excuse me for a moment while I go get changed.

---

Oh yes, these clothes are definitely better for working out in.

.

.

Yep, I’m ready when you are, Sunset. Let’s do some Tae Bo!

.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ys0BtZJ5NfA

Okay, five…six…seven…eight.

Right hook, one…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight.

Left hook, one…two…three…four…five…six…seven and eight.

Double time, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

One more time, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

.

Phew, I’m starting to feel the burn already.

.

.

Oh don’t worry about me, Sunset, I can handle it.

Knee raises, one…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight.

Other knee, one…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight.

Side kick, one…two…three…fo – OH MY GOSH, SUNSET!

ARE YOU OKAY?!

.

.

Oh thank Celestia!

I am so, so, so sorry! I didn’t realize I’d shifted so close to you like that!

Are you sure you’re okay?

.

.

Well let me get you some ice for your arm.

Turn this thing off first.

---

Okay, so, as you saw I accidentally kicked Sunset in the arm while doing the side kicks. Thankfully she’s all right and only has a bruise where I kicked her, no broken bones or anything severe like that. But even still, I feel just awful about the whole thing.

*SIGH*

So, yeah, Tae Bo. It was kind of fun up until the point where I ended up hurting Sunset. But after what happened here today I think I’ll maybe just get a treadmill or something in order to get my exercise. You know, something that’ll give me a workout without involving punches or kicks.

I’m going to go check on Sunset now, so I’ll end things here. As always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries.

.

Is there anything else I can do for you, Sunset?

.

.

I can k-kiss your arm to make it feel better?!

Oh my.

Author's Notes:

Thankfully when I tried Tae Bo for the first time all I did was knock over a lamp.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Watching The Owl House

Author's Notes:

Spoiler Alert for season one of The Owl House.

Special thanks to Donnnnn for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So you may remember a while back I tried watching the Star Wars Holiday Special and a couple of horror movies on this vlog, and the reason I bring that up is because in today’s episode I’m going to be watching something again. This time though, instead of a standalone special or a movie, I’m going to be watching the first season of an animated show that I’ve been hearing a lot of buzz about.

Today, I’m going to try…watching The Owl House!

For those of you unaware, The Owl House is an animated show by Disney that only just got started earlier this year and recently finished up its first season a few weeks ago. It’s a show about a girl who discovers a portal to a strange new world and befriends some of its inhabitants.

Something that I can personally relate to.

Also, while she’s there she trains to become a witch and has a number of adventures along the way.

The premise doesn’t sound like anything groundbreaking, I know, but from what I’ve heard what makes this series so enjoyable are the relatable characters, good character development, and a nice balance of episodes that are fairly standalone and episodes that are part of an overarching story.

But enough talking about it, let’s get started watching!

---

Episode 1 – A Lying Witch and a Warden

.

Okay, so this girl Luz appears to be our main character. And you know what, I like her already! She has a very up-beat personality and isn’t afraid to be herself, both things I find appealing in a main character.

.

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Wow, that is certainly one unique-looking magical world.

Are those…giant rib bones I’m seeing in the background?

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Whoa, hold on a second, is that Wendie Malick voicing Eda the Owl Lady? I think it is.

Good for her! I haven’t seen her in a whole lot of things since Hot In Cleveland ended.

I miss Hot In Cleveland.

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OH MY GOSH, THAT LITTLE DEMON IS SO CUTE!

I just want to hug him and squeeze him like Luz is doing right now!

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Conformatorium? Yeah, that place doesn’t sound super fun, Eda.

Be careful in there, Luz.

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Whoo boy, that Warden Wrath really does seem like a pretty bad guy. I wonder if he’s going to be our main villain?

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That’s King’s crown?! They broke into that high-security place for a toy crown?

Of course who am I to judge? I pretty much did the same thing myself once.

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Yeah, I’m with you, Luz. I hate everything that Warden Wrath is saying about wanting to date Eda too.

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Yeah, go Luz! Free those wrongfully imprisoned people!

There’s nothing wrong with being different!

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Okay, Warden Wrath is defeated and Luz has decided to stay and train to be a witch with Eda.

Not a bad start. I’m curious to see where things go from here.

---

Episode 2 – Witches Before Wizards

Wow, I really liked the moral of this episode.

We don’t need others to tell us we’re special or chosen because we each have the power to choose our own destiny.

I’m guessing this is going to be one of those standalone episodes, but it was certainly a good one.

---

Episode 3 – I Was a Teenage Abomination

Oh, so there’s a magic school on the Boiling Isles. Makes sense, and actually answers a question I’ve had recently about where Eda learned magic.

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Aww, Luz made a new friend!

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Luz made two new friends!

I’m really liking this episode.

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Uh-oh, looks like Luz made an enemy.

I wonder if this Amity Blight is going to be our main villain? I don’t think it’s going to be Warden Wrath like I originally thought since we haven’t seen him since the first episode and no one even mentioned him since then either.

---

Episode 4 – The Intruder

Oh my gosh, Eda had a curse put on her that turns her into a ferocious owl beast!

I get the feeling that that’s going to be an important plot point in the overarching story.

But aside from that, it was great to see Luz learn that light spell. It reminded me of when I learned my first levitation spell.

You never forget your first spell.

---

Episode 5 – Covention

Huh, you know I really should have expected that witches in this show had covens, but honestly the thought never occurred to me before this episode.

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Wait, when you join a coven all of your other magic is sealed away?!

That…that’s horrible. Why would you limit someone’s potential like that.

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Oh, so this Emperor’s Coven has access to all forms of magic, huh?

Alright, now I know who our main villain is here. It’s got to be the one in-charge of the Emperor’s Coven.

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EDA HAS A SISTER…AND SHE’S PART OF THE EMPEROR’S COVEN?!

Okay, maybe she’ll be our main villain.

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Luz and Amity are having a witches duel?

Wow, this episode is really throwing a lot at us.
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Phew, Luz made it through the duel in one piece, and I think she and Amity had a moment. A really small moment, but one that may lead to them understanding one another down the line.

---

Episode 7 – Lost in Language

Aww, Luz made more friends…I think. Honestly I’m not so sure Amity’s siblings are on the up-and-up here.

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Yep, they just wanted Luz to help them mess with Amity. Can’t say I’m surprised by that.

At least Luz doesn’t seem to be going along with it.

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Aww, Luz and Amity worked together to solve a problem and are now friends…I think. I don’t know, at least they don’t seem like enemies now, so that’s good.

Also, I loved the side story with Eda and the bat babies!

So cute.

---

Episode 9 – Something Ventured, Something Framed

Okay, Eda is officially best mom after everything she went through in this episode to get Luz into Hexside! I really love how the relationship between these two is developing.

Also, that nameless background character who said that friendship is the real magic is now my new favorite character.

---

Episode 12 – Adventures in the Elements

Okay, so Luz and Amity do seem to be getting along pretty well here. Still not sure if they’re friends though.

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Ooh, Luz needs to learn another spell to be in the same class as Amity.

Well, I know where this is going.

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Yep, Eda teaching Luz magic.

But what’s this, Amity is training at the same location as them? Interesting.

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Huh, Luz and Amity had to work together again to solve a problem. I’m starting to wonder if there’s going to be more to these two as the season goes on. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

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Okay, Hooty is the creepiest thing in this show for me. There’s just something about him saying that he’ll be haunted by his actions for the rest of his life and then cheerfully saying ‘hoot hoot’ that’s so unsettling.

*SHUDDER*

---

Episode 13 – The First Day

Okay, two big things I’m taking away from this episode.

One, young Eda kind of looks like Adagio Dazzle with all that poofy orange hair, and two, I don’t think I’ll be able to look at the sorting hat from Harry Potter again without thinking of the choosy hat.

Seriously, that thing was only on screen for a few seconds and it managed to creep me out.

---

Episode 15 – Understanding Willow

Just…why would you use a spell to manifest your memories into photos that if damaged will damage your memories themselves? That makes zero sense to me and is just a disaster waiting to happen.

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Yep, Willow lost her memories because Amity accidentally burned her photos of them.

I knew something like that was going to happen.

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Luz and Amity are going to fix Willow’s memories, huh? I have to say, I’m kind of surprised at how many adventures Luz and Amity are having together, considering they started off as enemies.

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Wow, Willow and Amity really do have a history together. It’s so said that they were torn apart because Amity’s parents didn’t think Willow was good enough to be her friend.

I wish I could say that things like that only happen in fictional stories like this, but as the Princess of Friendship I can tell you I’ve seen it happen firsthoof.

I’ll never understand that kind of thinking, and frankly I hope I never do.

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Aww, Willow and Amity are, well…Willow said they aren’t quite friends again, but at least they’re not enemies anymore and are working things out.

---

Episode 16 – Enchanting Grom Night

Grom.

Okay, if I had to guess I’d say that’s Hexside’s version of prom.

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Yep, I was right.

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O-kay, I was partially right. I didn’t expect there to be a duel between a student and a fear monster named Grom, and I certainly didn’t expect Amity to be the student who has to fight Grom.

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Aww, look at Luz being a good friend and agreeing to fight Grom in Amity’s place.

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Whoa, Luz’s greatest fear is her mom finding out that she’s training to be a witch!

That’s deep.

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OH MY GOSH, DID YOU SEE THAT?!

THAT DANCE BETWEEN LUZ AND AMITY WAS SOOOOO CUTE!!!

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Aaaaand Amity wanted to ask Luz to Grom as well?

Yep, these two are going to end up as a couple, I’m calling it right now. Guess I better think of a good shipping name for them.

Amiluz? Nah, that doesn’t have a good ring to it.

Luzity? Eh, that’s better, but…

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Oh, I just checked and the Owl House fanbase already has a name for them.

I should have figured that.

Lumity. I like that.

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Wait, who…who’s writing letters to Luz’s mom?

---

Episode 17 – Wing It Like Witches

Yeah, I’m convinced that this episode only existed to try and really hammer home the whole Lumity thing.

Amity was so cute in this episode!

---

Episode 18 – Agony of a Witch

How is it that even when Hooty is being awesome by fighting off Lilith and the Emperor’s Coven he still manages to creep me out?

Seriously, just…how?

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Oh no, don’t go to the Emperor’s Castle, Luz. I know you think there’s something there that can help with Eda’s curse, but Lilith is probably there too.

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Yep, Lilith captured Luz to try and lure Eda to her.

Saw that coming.

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SWEET CELESTIA, ARE YOU SEEING THIS WITCHES DUEL BETWEEN EDA AND LILITH RIGHT NOW?!

This show really went up to 11 fast.

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LILITH WAS THE ONE WHO CURSED EDA?!

Okay we just went from 11 to like, 15.

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No, Eda!

She…she sacrificed herself to save Luz. Now she’s been captured by Lilith and might be stuck in her owl beast form forever.

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I need a minute here.

---

Episode 19 – Young Blood, Old Souls

Okay, this is it, the season finale. So much has happened up until this point, especially last episode, and now it’s all about to come to a head.

I have to admit, I’m a bit nervous about what will happen in this episode, but not nearly enough to stop me from watching. So let’s do this!

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Yep, Luz’s going to try and save Eda.

And she really seems to want to get revenge on Lilith. Can’t say I blame her for that though.

I just hope she doesn’t end up going to the dark side out of that desire for vengeance.

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Oh, so now Lilith wants to help Luz free Eda, huh?

That seems like a pretty big 180 degree turn to me, especially after what happened last episode. But whatever, as long as Eda is freed as a result of it I’m not going to complain.

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Okay, Luz vs. Emperor Belos. This is the big moment.

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Geez this guy is strong. I hope Luz will be - ALRIGHT LUZ! NICE JOB DAMAGING THAT CREEPY MASK OF HIS!

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Belos wants…the portal to Luz’s world?

Don’t give it to him, Luz. Don’t-

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She gave it to him. I can’t believe she – WHOA! SHE DESTROYED THE PORTAL! SHE DESTROYED HER ONLY WAY HOME TO STOP BELOS’ EVIL PLAN!

Wow, just…wow.

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Phew, they all got away from Belos. Thank goodness.

That guy has officially replaced Hooty as creepiest character in the show for me.

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Oh, so now you decide to help Eda with the curse you put on her, huh, Lilith?!

Sorry, I know she helped team Owl House in the end, but I still don’t like her very much. I mean I’m all for forgiveness and second chances, but after everything Lilith’s done it’s going to take a lot for me to like her going forward.

---

Well, that was season one of The Owl House.

I have to say, I enjoyed that more than I thought I would. I really got emotionally invested in the characters and I can’t wait to see what the next season holds, especially since there are so many unresolved mysteries. Like who’s sending Luz’s mom those letters and what’s Belos’ plan for Luz’s world.

But anyways, this seems like a good place to stop. So as always thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

---

Bonus Short – Welcome to Hexside!

Huh, well this is a neat little short.

A recruitment video for Hexside, how fun!

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You know, watching this right now is giving me the idea of maybe doing something similar for the School of Friendship. Ooh, and maybe I can even get an episode of Twilight Tries out of making it!

Gotta write that idea down for later.

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Wait, WHAT?! Hexside no longer teaches the magic of friendship due to budget constraints?!

Oh I don’t think so.

Spike, get my travel bag! I’m going to Hexside!

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Yes I know it’s a made-up school in a cartoon, but if I can use my magic to go inside Moondancer’s book then I can use it to go into The Owl House and make sure those students are able to learn about friendship!

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We can discuss my sanity later, just hurry up with my bag!

Don’t worry, students of Hexside, the Princess of Friendship is coming to help you.

Switching Places With Sci-Twi

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

I am just super excited for today’s episode, because what I’ll be trying today is, well…kind of crazy. And that’s a good thing because I’ve been looking for a little excitement in my life as of late.

Seriously, nothing exciting has happened recently. I’ve been so bored.

Anyways, what it is I’ll be trying this episode is…switching places with Twilight!

Now I know it may seem like that doesn’t make any sense since I am Twilight, but just let me explain.

So as you may recall from the episode of this vlog where I tried Tae Bo, I have a friend named Sunset Shimmer who lives in…another world!

Oo-oo!

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Sorry, I just like doing that whenever I mention other worlds.

Anywhoo, in this other world where Sunset lives there just so happens to be another Twilight Sparkle, who just so happens to be a lot like me. And as it just so happens this other Twilight and Sunset are friends too!

Wow, that’s a lot of happenstance, huh?

Now I have met this other Twilight a couple of times before, but only a couple. So I guess you could say that we are friends, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say we’re friends in the same way that Sunset Shimmer and I are friends.

But anyways, I was journaling with Sunset the other day and she told me about this story she had to read for one of her classes called The Prince and The Pauper. She said it’s a story about two young boys who were born on the same day and are identical in appearance; one of them a pauper and one of them a prince. The two boys meet one day and become fascinated by each other’s life, which eventually leads them to decide to switch places with one another.

Sunset said she found it to be an interesting story, but she also said it gave her an even more interesting idea. Which I’m sure you can guess at this point is that I switch places with the Twilight from her world. Though only for about a day, and without telling any of our friends that we’re doing it.

Yep, only Twilight, Sunset, and myself would be in on the switch.

Now I admit I was a bit aporetic about this idea at first for a few reasons, and apparently the other Twilight was as well, but Sunset practically begged us to do it and eventually we just gave in.

After all, it’s just going to be for one day. What’s the worst that could happen?

So, yeah, I’m just waiting over here by the mirror portal for Twilight’s arrival right now. It shouldn’t be too much longer.

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Ah, there you are, Twilight!

Welcome!

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Oh, this? It’s just a camera so I can record this whole switching places thing for my vlog.

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Well of course we have technology. I know your world is pretty advanced technologically, but Equestria isn’t completely devoid of technology. We do have things like cameras and computers, they’re just not as cutting-edge as yours.

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It’s fine. I know that our worlds are still pretty new to one another and that one can easily misunderstand a number of aspects about them.

I mean, you should’ve seen me the first time I ventured over into your world. I thought the trophies in the CHS lobby were stolen Equestrian artifacts.

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Yeah, it is kind of funny, isn’t it?

Not so much at the time though.

But anyways, before we go-ahead and switch places I wanted to give you a rundown of a few things. One; I made sure not to have any official princess duties or anything like that scheduled for today, so you won’t need to worry about anything like that. You can just relax and explore Ponyville if you’d like.

Two; Since you don’t have wings and wear glasses I came up with some things for you to say in case anypony inquires about those things. If anypony asks about your missing wings just tell them that a transfiguration spell went wrong and they should be back by tomorrow. And if anypony says anything about your glasses you can just say it’s a fashion choice.

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Eh, those explanations should work well enough.

The fashion choice one for the glasses should work really well if the pony asking is Rarity.

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What will I do about your glasses?

Not to worry. I borrowed these non-prescription glasses from the Ponyville Playhouse’s costume department that should work just fine.

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See? Perfect!

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Yep, I’m ready if you are.

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Oh, one other thing before I go; Are there any big or important things in your life that I should know about?

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No?

Alright. I don’t really have anything like that either.

Okay then, I guess I’ll see you later, Twilight. Enjoy your day as me!

Here goes.

WHOAAAAAA!

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Ugh.

I swear, no matter how many times I go through that portal the trip always knocks me for a loop.

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Oh, hi, Sunset!

I wasn’t expecting you to meet me here.

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No, Twilight didn’t say anything about it.

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Wait, what do you mean it’s time for school? Today’s Saturday.

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It’s only Friday here?!

Huh, I guess there’s a bit of a temporal discrepancy between our worlds.

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No, no, it’s fine. We can still do this.

I’m pretty sure I can survive one day of high school.

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Um, I don’t suppose you know Twilight’s class schedule, do you, Sunset?

---

First Period – Math

Okay, so this doesn’t exactly seem like it’s going to be the day I thought it would be, but that’s fine.

In all the times I’ve come to Canterlot High I’ve never attended any of the classes. And quite honestly, I’ve been wanting to experience first-hoof – er, first-hand what classes in this world are like. I’m curious to see how they compare to classes in Equestrian schools.

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Oh, hi, Rarity!

Good to see you.

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Oh, well, of course we just saw each other yesterday, but, um, I missed you. So…that’s why I’m glad to see you again.

Hehe.

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I’m fine, perfectly fine. Nothing wrong with Twilight - I mean, me today.

*RING*

Oh, looks like it’s time for class to start.

Phew, saved by the bell.

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Oh, yes, m’a’am.

Um, I believe x is equal to 42.

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*HAPPY SQUEE*

---

Third Period – Advanced Physics

The Kinetic Energy formula is E = ½ mv² where m is the mass of the body and v is the velocity with which the body is traveling.

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*HAPPY SQUEE*

As I suspected, physics is the same no matter what world you’re in.

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Well, unless you happen to be in Discord’s realm that is.

---

Lunch

I have to say, I’ve really been enjoying this day so far. The classes here are similar to those in Equestrian schools in terms of subject matter but different in the manner in which they’re taught. It’s really quite fascinating. So much so that I may just have to right a research paper on it when I get home!

Oh, there are my friends.

Hi, everypon – er, everyone!

Gotta watch that.

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Did I have a chance to think about what we talked about yesterday, Applejack?

Um, y-yes?

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My answer? Uh, well, my answer is…um…

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Trixie, hi!

You said you wanted to talk to me privately?! Yes, absolutely, let’s go somewhere private!

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Never thought I’d be so happy to see Trixie.

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Okay, Trixie what is it you wanted to –

*KISSING NOISES*

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Uhhhhhhh…

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Y-Yeah, I’ve been t-thinking about you a lot today t-too.

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N-No, I think we should keep our r-relationship a secret a bit longer.

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J-Just a bit longer, I p-promise.

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Okay, s-see you later.

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You know, when I asked Twilight if there were any big things I should know about her life before we switched places, I really wish she’d said something about her and Trixie being in a secret relationship.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find some mouthwash and try to block the memory of what just happened from my mind.

---

Sixth Period – Chemistry

Oh boy. We did not have chemistry classes back in Equestria, only potions classes. And none of these beakers look like they contain magical elements.

Best to rely on my lab partner for this class.

So, Derpy, which chemicals do you think we should mix together?

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Uh, yeah, those two sound fine.

Go right ahead.

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*BOOM*

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Okay, I’ll admit it; I really should have seen that coming.

Are my eyebrows okay? It kind of feels like they’re…not there anymore.

---

Seventh Period – History

Please don’t ask me any questions, please don’t ask me any questions, please don’t -

Yes, ma’am?

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Um, let’s see now. Napoleon was defeated at Waterloo in, um…1818?

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Oh, right. 1815, of course.

Hehe.

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Huh, I was only off by 3 years. I can’t believe I was that close considering I just said the first number that popped into my head.

---

Eighth Period – Gym

*HEAVY BREATHING*

Okay…so either I’m…clearly still not used…to being in a…human body…or I’ve been…putting on a little…extra weight lately.

* HEAVY BREATHING*

Really…hoping it’s…the former.

* HEAVY BREATHING*

So…many…laps.

How is this…not considered…cruel and unusual…punishment?

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I’m running…as fast as I…can, Rainbow Dash!

---

Okay, it’s finally…the end of the day.

And thank goodness too. After running all those laps just now I don’t think I would’ve been able to endure any more classes today. Right now I think I’m just going to go back home to Equestria, curl up in bed, and hope that by tomorrow morning my body doesn’t ache so much.

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Ow.

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Ow.

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WHOAAAAAA!

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Ow.

You know what? First thing tomorrow I’m looking into fixing that portal. There’s got to be a way to make it so that it doesn’t just shoot you out like a bullet on the other end when you step through it.

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Oh, hi, Twilight.

How was your day as me?

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That’s good.

My day as you was…interesting, to say the least, but fun. I’m thinking of writing a research paper comparing the education systems between our two worl –

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Oh no, that’s fine. I get just wanting to go home after a long day.

Believe me.

So I’ll see you later then, Twilight.

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Huh, she really did want to get home. I don’t think I’ve seen anypony move that fast before, not even Rainbow Dash.

Well I guess this is a good place to end this episode of Twilight Tries. So as always thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next –

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Whoa, whoa. Slow down, Spike. What’s all this about Trixie being at the door?

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SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHY I KISSED HER EARLIER?!

Oh sweet Celestia, Twilight, what did you do?

Okay, okay, just…tell Trixie I’ll be with her in a minute.

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*SIGH*

I think I’m going to have to borrow that The Prince and The Pauper book from Sunset.

See, I want to know if the two characters who switched places in it experienced the same sort of things that Twilight and I did. Because if they did, I’m going to need to have a little chat with Sunset as to why it was she thought this whole switcheroo thing was a good idea.

But anywhoo, now I’m ending this episode. So thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go have a very awkward and uncomfortable talk with Trixie.

Just…why do these kinds of things always have to involve Trixie of all ponies?

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to the many, many people who requested this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Summoning Cthulhu

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Now before I get started with today’s episode, I want to clarify that it’s going to be a tad different than what most of you are used to seeing on this vlog. I will of course still be trying something that I’ve never tried before, as is the whole point of this vlog, but in addition to that part of the purpose of this particular episode is to serve as a public service announcement to the ponies of Equestria…and any other creatures from other lands that may be watching.

Last I checked this vlog seems to be gaining quite a following in the Changeling Kingdom.

So as you’ve most likely heard, there’s an old urban legend that’s been floating around as of late about a book called the Necronomicon. The legend goes that the Necronomicon contains many dark and ancient spells that can do things like raise an army of darkness or summon an archaic deity. The most notable of these deities being a Great Old One named Cthulhu, who is more-or-less the cause of this legend’s revival.

That’s why in today’s episode I’m going to try…summoning Cthulhu!

Why is it I’m going to try and summon Cthulhu, you may ask? Well like I said, it’s to provide a very important public service announcement to everypony. And that PSA is:

THIS KIND OF STUFF IS NOTHING BUT HOKUM!

That’s right, much like sewer alligators or Slender Pony it’s all complete nonsense. However, there are apparently some ponies who don’t realize that it’s nonsense and are messing around with magic they don’t fully understand in an attempt to try and summon Cthulhu. Who, I might add, is simply a character of fiction created by author H.P. Lovecraft.

Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good urban legend as much as the next pony. They can be fun and amusing stories. But when an urban legend, like this one, gets to the point where ponies start taking it a little too seriously and put themselves in potential danger to try and prove it, well, I feel that it’s my duty as a Princess of Equestria to help set the record straight.

I realize, of course, that there are those who won’t simply take my word for it, which is why I’m doing this episode today; to show you that the Necronomicon and Cthulhu are just an urban legend and nothing more.

How am I going to do this? Simple; with the help of my friends!

According to the so-called ‘Necronomicon’ that I found when looking up this urban legend…

Now where did I leave that copy?

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Ah, here it is.

According to this the ritual requires three participants. So to help me perform it I asked two of my friends for assistance. If you’ll look over here you’ll see my number one assistant, Spike!

Say hi, Spike.

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Yes, Spike, the robes are necessary for the ritual.

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Well this shouldn’t take long so just bear with it for a bit longer.

And over here you’ll see my friend, Fluttershy!

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Uh, Spike, where’s Fluttershy?

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Behind the couch, huh?

Fluttershy, we talked about this. Everything’s going to be fine.

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I assure you nothing is going to happen. I’ve studied magic my whole life and I can tell you with certainty that this whole Necronomicon and Cthulhu thing is hokum, plain and simple.

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No, Fluttershy, we won’t be sacrificing any animals for this ritual. If that was something the ritual called for I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of performing it.

All we’ll be doing is chanting some supposedly magic words while I cast a spell.

Now can you please come out from behind the couch?

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*SIGH*

I really wish one of my other friends had been available to help with this. I love Fluttershy but she just gets spooked so easily that she was the last pony I wanted to ask for help. Frankly though, I’m surprised she even agreed to help. As you can imagine she was hesitant at first, but when I told her it was for the purpose of providing an important PSA to everypony she immediately said that she’d help.

There’s a lot to admire about Fluttershy, but if nothing else you can’t help but admire her desire to help others. Even if she’s feeling afraid.

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Okay, now we just need to stand around this, ahem…‘ritualistic circle’ that I’ve drawn over here, light a few candles, and we can begin.

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*SIGH*

For the last time, Spike, we’re doing this to prove that all of this is hokum so that ponies don’t try doing it themselves and get hurt.

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Yes, I know most ponies aren’t as magically gifted as I am and wouldn’t be able to perform this spell, but there’s danger in all of this from a non-magical standpoint too. This kind of occult stuff can lead to other harmful things like doing drugs or joining a gang.

At least that’s what my mom always told me.

Now please, just take your spot between those two candles so we can get this over with.

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Alright, we’re all in position.

Let me just light the candles, and…

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There.

Now, as I’m performing the spell we all need to chant the words that I’ve written down on the pieces of paper I gave each of you earlier.

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Well they’re not actually words, Fluttershy. Or at least not words that are comprehensible to us, as the legend goes.

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I believe the pronunciation is; Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

You get that?

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Well you should be fine no matter how you pronounce them. According to the legend there’s really no wrong way to pronounce the words because there’s no correct way to pronounce them.

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Okay, as soon as I start casting the spell start chanting.

Ready?

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Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

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Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

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PH’NGLUI MGLW’NAFH CTHULHU R’LYEH WGAH’NAGL FHTAGN!

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See? Nothing happened.

So I hope all of you watching this realize now that all of this stuff is nothing but-

*BOOM*

Wah!

What…What was that?

*BOOM*

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You’re right, Spike, whatever it is it sounds like it’s coming from outside.

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Oh sweet Celestia.

It wasn’t hokum, IT WASN’T HOKUM!

WE ACTUALLY SUMMONED CTHULHU!

AND HE’S HEADING STRAIGHT FOR PONYVILLE!

Ohhhh, this is bad. Thisisbadthisisbadthisis-

*SLAP*

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Thank you, Spike, I needed that.

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G-Good idea. You and Fluttershy go find the rest of our friends and I’ll do what I can to slow Cthulhu down in the meantime.

Fluttershy, you go get -

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Uh, Spike, where’s Fluttershy?

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SHE’S GOING AFTER CTHULHU ALL BY HERSELF?!

HAS SHE COMPLETELY LOST HER MIND?!

I’ve got to reach her before he destroys her and –

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Are…are you seeing this, Spike?

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Yeah, I don’t believe it either. Fluttershy is giving Cthulhu her stare…and it seems to be working on him.

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And now he’s backing away from Ponyville.

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And now Fluttershy is rubbing his belly.

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I just don’t know what’s more perplexing to me right now; The fact that Cthulhu and all this Necronomicon stuff is actually real, or that Fluttershy is successfully subduing an ancient deity with belly rubs.

I think I’m going to end this episode here and just say this; Some urban legends might actually be true, but even if they are it’s probably best to simply leave them as legends and not try to prove that they’re true.

So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries.

I really hope this doesn’t mean that Slender Pony is real too.

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to Drake Redwing who didn't quiet suggest this chapter but did help inspire it!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Forming a Girl Group

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

I’m going to admit right off the bat here that I have some mixed feelings about what it is I’ll be trying in today’s episode. I’m super excited to be trying it, but the reasons for why I’m trying it are, well… let’s just say that they’re less-than-ideal.

So in today’s episode, I’ll be trying to…form a girl group!

Now just to be clear, when I say ‘form a girl group’ I don’t mean form a new group of friends that are all girls. I’m very happy with the group of friends that I already have.

Though I am always open to making new friends in general.

No, what I mean is that I’m going to be forming a musical group of girls!

Exciting, right?!

But like I said, the reasons why I’m trying this aren’t quite what you might think. I’m not doing this because I’m looking to achieve some fillihood dream I had of being in a girl group or anything like that. Though I will admit that as a filly I did, at one point, wish that I could be a famous singer in a girl group.

The real reason why I’m doing this is…for bits. And I know that that makes me sound like one of those evil record company executives you see in the movies, but just hear me out.

As many of you probably already know, I run a private school located right next to my castle that’s dedicated to teaching friendship to any creature who wants to learn it. But what I’m sure some of you don’t know is that I don’t charge tuition to attend this school, and I’m sure that none of you know that the property taxes on this school are astronomical!

Seriously, you should see how high the property taxes on the school are! It’s completely insane! I mean, there’s no way I can possibly afford to pay them with what I make right now, and I’m a princess!

*DEEP BREATHING*

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Sorry, I got a little too worked up there for a moment.

But anyways, I’m in a real pickle right now about how to resolve this issue. I really don’t want to have to start charging my students to attend the School of Friendship, but if I don’t think of some way to get the bits to pay the taxes on it I risk losing the school altogether.

And in case you were wondering; No, I can’t use my powers as a princess to abolish the property tax laws.

Yet.

So I started thinking of ways to start earning a few more bits. I started thinking of some ideas like taking out a loan or auctioning off a few of my rarer books, but I didn’t feel like any of those ideas were good ones. Especially the one about auctioning off my books.

I don’t want to get rid of any of my books.

For a while it felt like I wasn’t going to come up with anything, but one afternoon I heard Spike listening to a Mares’ Generation song and I remembered that girl groups like them tend to make big bits. So I figured I’d try forming one of my own to raise the capital I need to keep the School of Friendship open.

Now I know what some of you might be asking; But Twilight, aren’t you and your friends already a girl group on account of how you sometimes randomly break out into songs together? Well, yes, my friends and I do sing together on occasion, but we don’t really do it in a performing manner…at least most of the time. So that’s why I’m putting together an entirely new group of mares for this.

But enough about why it is I’m forming this girl group, let’s meet the ponies who will be making up Wonder Mares!

That name isn’t final, just fyi.

After doing some research, I’ve discovered that every successful girl group consists of ponies with various personality traits in order to make them as appealing to their audience as possible. The traits tend to vary from group-to-group, but I’ve been able to identify the five most common ones; Sassy, dramatic, meek, rebel, and cute.

Of those five categories, I feel I fit the cute role best. So let’s head over here and meet our sassy pony, Starlight Glimmer!

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For the last time, Starlight, you’re doing this because I need bits to make sure the school stays open. And since you don’t pay rent around here this is the least you can do to help.

Unless of course you want to start paying rent.

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That’s what I thought.

And over here we have our dramatic pony, Photo Finish!

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Yes, we will make much ‘magics’ indeed, Photo!

Boy, she could really give Rarity a run for her bits in the drama department.

Now over here we have our meek mare, Coco Pommel!

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Don’t worry, Coco, I promise that this won’t take away from your designing time.

And last, but certainly not least, we have our rebel pony, Tempest Shadow!

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Oh come on, Tempest. You said you wanted to learn more about friendship, and being a part of this girl group will be a great opportunity to do just that!

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Nice try, Tempest, but I know you can sing. You sang that song to me about opening up my eyes after you captured me, remember?

Now are you in or not?

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Great!

So why don’t we all get started by doing some vocal exercises. Are you ready over there, Spike?

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Key of G sounds good.

Alright, ready, everypony? 1…2…3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0RzMiQ-vf4

Okay, that was…good. But let’s maybe try that again, hmm? Remember, key of G.

Okay, 1…2…3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj0pz_rj8OI

You know what? Let’s start with dancing first.

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Okay, so we’ll start out with a simple step-ball-change, like this.

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Got it?

Now you all try.

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*CRASH*

Oh dear! Is everypony okay?!

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Oh thank goodness.

Okay, so maybe we’ll save dancing for later too. How about we go choose what outfits we’ll be wearing on stage instead, hmm?

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Great! Follow me, girls.

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This is fine. Everything is fine.

---

Alright, everypony, over here is a box containing an assortment of clothes that Rarity generously donated to our group. You can start rummaging through it to find an outfit that works for you if you want, I’ll just be over there, um…thinking of ideas for songs.

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Okay, so they’re a little rough around the edges in regards to the music and dancing aspects of being in a girl group, but they’ll get better with practice. And if need be, as an absolute last resort, we can just use auto-tune and not move at all during ours shows.

*YELLING*

Oh what now?

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Starlight, Tempest, calm down!

Now what are you both yelling about?

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You both want to wear this hat? Hmm, okay.

You know, I think I saw two of this hat in the box when Rarity gave it to me. How about we find the other one and then the two of you can each wear the hat?

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What do you mean they both can’t wear the same hat, Photo?

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The clothes we wear on stage should be a defiant statement of individuality, huh?

I guess that makes sense….I think.

Okay, well…just flip a coin to see which one of you gets to wear the hat, Tempest and Starlight.

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What’s that, Coco? You want to design your own outfit?

Sure, that sounds like a great idea!

Alright, everypony, while you all finish getting you’re outfits together I’m going to go and see about booking some shows. Be back in a bit.

.

Just a few extra hiccups is all, everything is still fine.

---

Good news, girls, I think I got us a small show at…

Okay. Starlight looks like one of the Village People, Tempest looks like some sort of cross between David Bowie and Billy Idol, Coco looks like she’s going to a masquerade ball, and Photo Finish…I’m not even going to try and understand what it is she’s wearing.

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This is no longer fine. I’m just going to shut this whole thing down before it gets any worse.

So, um, bad news, girls. I wasn’t able to find any place that wanted to book us for a show.

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Yeah, apparently boy bands are the hot thing right now, so we’re just out of luck.

But thanks to all of you for your willingness to be a part of all this anyways. I think we would've had an...interesting time together.

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What will I do about the bits for the school’s property taxes?

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just have the students sell candy bars or something to raise the bits needed and call it a friendship lesson about charity.

So anyways, thanks again, everypony, and have a safe journey home.

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Yes, Starlight, I know you’re already home.

No denying that that mare was definitely the perfect sassy-type for the girl group.

Well, that just about does it for this episode of Twilight Tries. Obviously things didn’t quite go the way I had hoped, but all things considered I feel like this was, if nothing else, a learning experience.

I mean, after all the times my friends and I performed fully choreographed songs at the drop of a hat without any kind of rehearsal beforehoof, I just assumed that you could put together a group of random ponies and get the same results. And now, I know that you can’t.

But as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Hostage Negotiation

Hi, everypony…and welcome to…another episode of…Twilight Tries.

*DEEP BREATHING*

Just give me…a second here.

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Okay, I’m good now.

Sorry if I sounded a little winded there, but I just finished running all the way over here to Fluttershy’s cottage and I’m a bit beat.

In hindsight, I really should’ve just flown.

But anyways, you’ve probably noticed the group of police ponies standing behind me by now and might be wondering what’s going on. Well, it’s kind of a long story. But it seems like I’ve got a few minutes so I guess I might as well go ahead and explain things.

See, about ten minutes ago I was at home getting ready to record an episode for this vlog where I was going to try and play Through the Fire and Flames on Guitar Hero. I had just finished getting the camera all set up and ready to go when all of a sudden Fluttershy burst into the room and started talking so frantically that I couldn’t even understand what it was she was saying. At first I thought she was saying something about Angel Bunny locking himself inside of her house and holding a bunch of her other animals hostage, but I figured I wasn’t hearing her correctly. So naturally I asked her to calm down and repeat herself, and after a few seconds of deep, calming breaths she told me, much more coherently, that Angel Bunny had locked himself inside of her house, was holding a bunch of her other animals hostage, and would only speak to me about letting them go.

I’m going to give you a couple of seconds to really process that, because Celestia knows I needed a couple of seconds to fully grasp it myself.

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You good? Okay.

Now you might be thinking right now that I’m just pulling your leg. That maybe this episode is something along the lines of; Twilight Tries Pranking Her Audience, or something like that. But I assure you, that’s not the case.

What I’ll be trying today is, and I honestly can’t believe I’m saying this…hostage negotiation.

Seriously, I never imagined I’d be trying something like this. Not only that, but I’m not even sure I can do this. The only thing I know about hostage negotiation is what I saw in this movie called Inside Man that I watched with Sunset Shimmer one time when I visited her in her world.

Oh, and in case you were wondering; No, I have no idea how a tiny bunny like Angel is managing to hold all of those animals, some of which are significantly larger than him, hostage.

Also, I have no idea why it is he wants to talk to me of all ponies. My best guess is that he believes I can get him whatever it is he wants because I'm a princess, but I can't say for certain.

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Oh, Fluttershy, how’s the situation inside?

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Unknown, huh?

Well…I’m sure all of your animals are just fine. I know Angel can be a bit…much at times, but I don’t think he wants to hurt anycreature.

Hopefully.

By the way, Fluttershy, do you have any idea why it is Angel is doing this?

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No?

Well do you have any idea about what it is he possibly wants?

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Not a clue, huh?

Great, so I’m going in virtually no information here.

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What’s that, officer?

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Yes, I’m ready.

As ready as I’ll ever be at least.

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Ooh, a megaphone.

So I just talk into this end and hold the button LIKE THIS, RIGHT?!

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Yeah, sorry. I’ve never used one of these things before.

*DEEP BREATH*

Okay, here goes.

Ahem.

Angel, it’s Twilight! I’m here, just like you wanted!

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I think I see him over by that window over there.

Look, I don’t know what this is all about, but I can assure you we can resolve this peacefully! But before we can talk I need to know that all of the other animals are still okay!

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Yeah, I can’t understand him.

Where’s Fluttershy?!

FLUTTERSHY!

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Oh, you’re right here. Sorry about that.

Can you please translate what Angel is saying for me?

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He said that the animals are still okay?

That’s a relief.

Okay then, Angel, um…now that that’s been clarified we can, um…get down to business!

Whatever that actually means.

Think, Twilight, think. What did Denzel Washington do in Inside Man?

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Oh, right.

What are your demands, Angel?!

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Fluttershy?

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He says he wants a NeighStation 5?!

Ohhh dear. Those animals are doomed.

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Oh, n-nothing, Fluttershy.

Hey, can you do me a favor and go tell that police officer what it is Angel wants?

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Thanks, Fluttershy.

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This is bad. This is really bad. There’s no way I can get Angel a NeighStation 5, they’ve been sold out for months. I should know. I tried to get one for Spike a few weeks ago as a Hearths Warming present but I couldn’t find one anywhere. Not in Ponyville, or in Canterlot, or even in Manehatten. So many ponies want one and there just isn’t enough supply to meet the demand it seems.

I had heard that some ponies were going to extremes to try and get one, like waiting in lines for hours at stores that claim to have them or paying double the retail price to ponies who got one just to sell it for a profit, but I never thought there’d be a hostage situation from somepony trying to get one. Especially from Angel Bunny.

I didn’t even know he was a gamer.

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What’s that, Fluttershy? The police said they are going to try and find a NeighStation 5?

That’s good to know.

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And they also said that I should keep talking to Angel while they look?

Talk to him about what? The weather?

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Hey, um, Angel! We’re looking into getting you that NeighStation 5! But, you know, just in case we can’t find one, would a Zbox Series Z be good instead?!

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What did he say, Fluttershy?

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No?

Are you sure that was all he said? It seemed like he was saying more than just no?

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You don’t want to repeat everything he said because he used some fairly colorful language?

Oh, okay. I understand.

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Now what is Angel saying?

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He just keeps repeating the word ‘Attica’?

What the hay does that mean?

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Wait a minute. That police officer coming over here, does she have a…

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You managed to find a NeighStation 5?! And so quickly?!

How did you-

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It’s Princess Luna’s?!

You’re saying Princess Luna heard about what was happening and gave us her NeighStation 5 in order to resolve all of this?!

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Huh, well, I’ll certainly have to thank Princess Luna the next time I’m in Canterlot.

Angel, we have your NeighStation 5! Let the animals go and we’ll have Fluttershy bring it to you!

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He said that’s acceptable as long as we make the trade simultaneously?

Alright, let’s do this. Ready, Fluttershy?

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Okay, Angel, we’re ready! Start sending the animals out!

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The animals are coming out…Fluttershy is making her way to the door…and…

Success! All of the animals are safe and everything seems to be over.

Well, except for arresting Angel for taking hostages like that, but I’m sure the police can handle that without me so-

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What’s that, officer?

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You can’t arrest Angel?!

B-But he broke the law! He took hostages and demanded we get him a NeighStation 5! How come you can’t arrest him?!

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Because he’s a bunny and not prosecutable under Equestrian law, huh?

I…I…you know what? Whatever. It is what it is. And besides, I’m sure Fluttershy is going to punish Angel herself and that’ll probably be enough to teach him a lesson about taking hostages.

She can be pretty scary when she wants to be.

Well, I guess that about does it for this episode. It certainly wasn’t what I expected when I woke up this morning and decided to do another episode for my vlog, but in the end I suppose it did turn out pretty interesting. And more importantly, it turned out alright for the animals.

So as always thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I need to go talk to Princess Celestia about what creatures fall under the jurisdiction of Equestrian law.

Author's Notes:

This chapter brought to you thanks to a mixture of Jack Daniels and the below Simpsons clip.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxoOG2QveuE

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Doing an Anniversary Special

Hi, everypony, and welcome to a very special episode of Twilight Tries!

Why is today’s episode so special you may ask? Well, it’s special because this episode marks the one year anniversary of when I first started doing this vlog! So in honor of this milestone, today I’ll be trying to…do an anniversary special!

Now I know this one kind of stretching the vlog’s concept a bit, but this anniversary is a really big deal to me. I mean, I never thought that this vlog would last a whole year. When I first started it I just thought, ‘Eh, I’ll do maybe a dozen or so of these things and then call it quits’. But because of all the support that you’ve shown for Twilight Tries over the past year I’ve ended up doing over 30 episodes for it thus far!

It’s just…amazing that this dumb little idea I had for a vlog is still going after all of this time. That’s why I want to celebrate with this special.

So to celebrate I’ve decided to take a look back at a few of my favorite moments from Twilight Tries so far, as well as reveal what the future holds for it. And to help me do that, I’ve asked a few of my friends to come by and share in the reminiscing.

Over here you’ll see that I’m joined by Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Starlight Glimmer, and…Trixie?

What are you doing here, Trixie? I didn’t invite you to this.

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Yes, I know that you’re in a number of these episodes. But that doesn’t mean you can just invite yourself to-

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*SIGH*

Fine, Trixie, you can stay. Just promise to keep the grandiloquence to a minimum, okay?

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Thank you.

Now let’s get started!

---

Episode 1 – Coffee

Ah, my first episode. It feels like just yesterday I recorded it.

You know, originally I was thinking of trying to make a birdhouse for the inaugural episode. That idea was the frontrunner for quite a while, but I was hesitant to choose it. I just didn’t think it was first-episode material, you know?

Thank goodness Spike was drinking coffee while we were brainstorming ideas and I was able to come up with the idea of trying coffee first. I really think it worked better than trying to build the birdhouse would have.

I never did revisit the birdhouse idea though.

Eh, maybe next episode.

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Oh come on, Rainbow, give me a break. I’d never used a coffee maker before recording this episode.

Imagine if you tried using a proton accelerator for the first time? Do you think you’d know how to operate it perfectly?

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NO, THAT WAS NOT A CHALLENGE, RAINBOW DASH!

I beg you, please do not go out to try and find a proton accelerator to mess around with!

---

Episode 4 – Solving a Rubik’s Cube

I still can’t believe I wasn’t able to solve that dang Rubik’s cube.

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Yes, I know I should have listened to you, Starlight. You were right about those cubes.

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Well I listened to you when you said I shouldn’t try programming a VCR clock, didn’t I?

Which, for the record, I still think I could’ve done.
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By the way, I’m pretty sure that if I were to try this again I’m fairly certain I’d be able to solve it. See, there was somepony who commented on this episode that said there are flow charts that explain how to solve Rubik’s cubes, and after I saw that comment I decided to do some research into those flow charts. Most of the ones I came across seemed pretty legitimate, and once I went over them a few times I think I got the stratagem down.

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Oh it is not cheating, Trixie.

Those flow charts are just…helpful guides.

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Hey, what did I say about keeping the grandiloquence to a minimum?!

---

Episode 7 – Speed Dating

Now this one was certainly much more interesting than I thought it would be. Some of those stallions were…quite the characters.

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Wait. You know that stallion who said he was president of my fan club, Trixie?

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You’re saying he’s the president of your fan club now?!

I didn’t even know you had a fan club.

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No, Trixie, I’m not jealous of that fact that the stallion who was president of my fan club is now the president of your fan club.

If anything, I’m relieved by it.

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Nope, you’re eyes aren’t deceiving you, Starlight. That’s actually Sunburst's mom at speed dating with him.

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Oh dear.

Um, I think we’ll let Starlight finish laughing before we move on.

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You can stop anytime now, Starlight.

---

Episode 16 – Doing a Pub Crawl

Yeah, I’m sorry I have to show this one, Applejack. Believe me, I really didn’t want to revisit this episode either, but since it’s such a popular one I didn’t have much of a choice.

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Hey, you were the one who challenged me to this, remember? You said I insulted your honor and then you slapped me across the face with a glove.

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Oh sweet Celestia, why did I decide to post this?

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Oh, right. I was drunk at the time.

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S-Sorry again about squishing your cheeks like that, Fluttershy.

---

Episode 21 – Training With The Wonderbolts

Wait a minute, I didn’t include this one in the lineup. We were supposed to show group cosplay next.

How did training with the Wonderbolts get-

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Rainbow! Why did you mess with my lineup and put this one in?!

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Because you thought it was funnier than the group cosplay one?

Oh for-

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And because you thought this one made you look more awesome too, huh?

Last I checked this wasn’t your vlog.

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No, it’s…it’s fine. It’s already playing so let’s just finish it and move on.

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You can stop laughing anytime now, Rainbow.

---

Episode 26 – Tae Bo

I have to admit, once I started getting the hang of Tae Bo I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

I just wish I hadn’t accidently side kicked Sunset Shimmer like I did.

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What’s that, Trixie?

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Yes, this episode came after the one where I was your assistant. So?

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No, Trixie, I’m not going to be showing that one.

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And there’s the grandiloquence again.

Look, Trixie, I had to pick only a hoofful of episodes to revisit during this special and that one was…

Hold on a second. How did you know the Tae Bo episode came after the one where I was your assistant?

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Ooooh, I think I understand ~.

You subscribe to my vlog, don’t you, Trixie?

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Deny it all you want. But the fact that you know the order of my episodes, plus that growing blush on your face, says otherwise.

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Okay, okay. Whatever you say, Trixie.

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Hehe.

---

Episode 31 – Hostage Negotiation

This one still feels so surreal to me. In fact sometimes I question if it really happened or was just a strange fever dream I had. But there it is, proof that I had to negotiate with Angel Bunny for the release of Fluttershy’s other animals.

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Thank you, Fluttershy. I’m just glad that I was able to help. But let’s not forget that the real hero was Princess Luna for giving up her Neighstation 5 so that Angel would let everycreature go.

By the way, Fluttershy, I’ve been meaning to ask you something. How did you punish Angel for taking all of your animals hostage?

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.

You forced Angel to watch Gigli, All Monsters Attack, and Manos: Hands of Fate one right after the other?!

That…might be considered more along the lines of torture rather than punishment.

.

.

Well, as long as Angel learned his lesson I guess that’s what’s important.

.

*SHUDDER*

All Monsters Attack.

---

Welp, that does it for the looking back portion of the anniversary special. Which means it’s time for the looking forward portion.

But before we get to that, I just want to say thank you to my friends one last time for being here today to help make this anniversary special even more special.

Thank you, everypony.

.

.

*SIGH*

Yes, especially you, Trixie.

Sheesh.

Now where was I?

.

Oh, right. The future.

Ahem.

Like I said at the beginning of this episode, I never thought that this vlog would have lasted one full year or had so many episodes to it. I’m not going to lie, it’s been pretty challenging at times trying to keep Twilight Tries going over the past year. But even when it’s been difficult, I’ve always felt that the time spent making these episodes was worth it. Being able to share these moments with all of you is something that’s truly special to me, and that’s why I plan to keep Twilight Tries going for as long as possible. I can’t say for certain how long that will be exactly, but know that whether this vlog continues for another five years or for only one more year, the good times we’ve had together have and always will mean a lot to me.

So thank you, everypony, for inviting me into your lives and letting me share my experiences with you. I hope you’ll continue to stick around for everything that’s still to come.

Until next time!

.

.

Will you please go home already, Trixie?

Author's Notes:

Thank you all so much for your support of Twilight Tries... over the past year and for all of your wonderful suggestions for future chapters! This story wouldn't still be going without you.

As always, if there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Building a Birdhouse

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to be trying something that I honestly thought I would have tried by now, but haven’t. Something that, at one point, I thought was going to be the very first episode of this vlog, but ended up getting shelved almost indefinitely.

If you watched my anniversary special last episode than you probably know what it is that I’m talking about right now.

That’s right, today I’m going to try…building a birdhouse!

It really is hard to believe that it’s taken me this long to get around to trying to build a birdhouse. Back when I decided to go with trying coffee for the inaugural episode of Twilight Tries I thought for sure that I would do the birdhouse for the second or third episode. But here we are, 32 episodes later and I’m only just now getting to it.

Funny how these things go sometimes, huh?

But anywhoo, building a birdhouse is the name of the game today and I’m pretty excited about it, so let’s take a look at where it is we’ll be building our birdhouse.

If you’ll follow me over here, you’ll see that I’ve set up a small workstation using a few folding tables I had lying around the castle. Over here you’ll see all of the various tools we’ll need for building the birdhouse. We have a hammer, some one inch nails, a tape measurer, a pencil, a pair of safety goggles, and a 36-volt 7-1/4 inch brushless cordless circular saw with brake and aluminum alloy die casting shoe.

Special thanks to Applejack for lending me the saw.

Now over here you’ll see the wood that we’ll be using to make our birdhouse. According to the pony at the home improvement store who helped me pick it out, it’s a plank of cedar. Apparently it’s often used in constructing fences and decks because of how durable it is. She also said it smells really nice when you cut into it.

I mean, if you like the smell of wood.

You’ve probably noticed that there isn’t much wood here, and that’s because I’m just going to be building a very simple birdhouse today. Nothing too fancy since it’s my first time doing this and all.

Also, joining me today will be my number one assistant, Spike!

Say hi, Spike.

.

.

No, Spike, this is different from what I tried building that one Winter Wrap-Up. That time I tried building a bird’s nest, this time I’m trying to build a birdhouse.

.

.

Well it’s my vlog and I say it’s different.

.

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Look, if you’re going to be that adamant about it than you don’t have to be a part of this episode.

.

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I appreciate the concern, Spike, but really, I’ll be fine. I’m a grown mare who knows how to handle tools in a responsible manner.

.

.

That was one time, Spike!

And besides, a blowtorch isn’t required for building a birdhouse so that shouldn’t happen again.

Honestly.

But enough chit-chat. Let’s get started, everypony!

Oh, but only after I put on my safety goggles first, because safety always comes first.

.

There.

Now we’ll start by measuring the wood 4-1/2 inches from the bottom…mark it with the pencil like so…and then cut along the line we just penciled using the circular saw.

.

I just realized that I have no idea how to use this circular saw. In hindsight, I really should have asked Applejack to demonstrate how to use this thing before walking off with it.

Um, I think we’ll just put the circular saw aside and use a regular-old hoof saw instead.

Spike, can you go see if any of our neighbors have a hoof saw we can borrow?

.

.

Great. Thanks, Spi-

Wow, he sure left in a hurry.

I’m guessing he probably wants to find a hoof saw before I change my mind about the circular saw.

---

Okay, now that we have a saw I know how to use we can get to cutting!

.

Ooh, that does smell pretty nice once you cut into it.

.

.

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Geez this takes a while to cut by hoof.

.

Ah, there we go! One perfectly square piece of wood!

Now we do the same thing again, but this time we use the piece we just cut to help mark where we cut next.

.

There.

Now to cut again.

.

.

.

Okay, I think I’m starting to get a cramp in my hoof from all of this cutting.

How in the heck do earth ponies like Applejack do this so much?

.

Phew.

And there’s our second piece!

.

.

What’s that, Spike?

.

.

Why did I use my hoof to work the saw instead of using my magic?

I…I have no idea. But I think I’m going to start using my magic from here-on-out.

I can’t believe I didn’t think to use my magic earlier.

Alright, so with these two pieces cut, which will be our sides, we’re now going to cut three pieces that are 8-1/2 inches long each. These will be used for the roof and the bottom of our birdhouse.

.

.

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Oh yeah, so much easier using magic.

.

Aaaaand done!

Now we move on to the front and back pieces. For this part, we’ll measure 4-1/4 inches on one side and 10 inches on the other so that we can create a nice 45 degree line.

.

Okay, that looks good.

Now we do the same thing on the other side of the plank so that we create an X.

.

Perfect.

So now all we have to do is cut along this X until we get a nice piece with a triangular top.

.

And now we use this piece to make a duplicate.

.

.

.

And voila! We have our front and back pieces.

Now comes the really fun part; assembly!

We’ll start by taking our roof pieces and put them together like so…then grab our hammer and a few nails…and start hammering in some nails like this.

.

.

.

There we are.

Now we’re going to take our front piece and a side piece and put them together.

.

.

.

And now we add the other side piece.

.

.

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Now we add the back.

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.

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Looking pretty good so far.

Now we just attach the bottom part here.

.

.

And finally we place our roof right on top here and nail it on.

.

.

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Aaaaand finished!

I have to say, this really came out nicer than I expected it to, given that this is the first birdhouse I’ve ever built. I’m not much of a handymare so I thought maybe I’d mess something up along the way, but it seems like everything came out rather well.

.

.

What was that, Spike?

.

.

What do you mean ‘how does the bird get inside’? He gets in through the…the…

Oh dear.

Um, it…appears I did mess something up after all. I seem to have forgotten to make an opening for the bird to actually get inside the birdhouse.

How to fix this?

.

I suppose I could use my magic to blast a hole in one end to create the opening. It probably wouldn’t be a perfectly round hole, but it should still work fine as an entrance.

.

.

Oh come on, Spike, I have enough control over my magic that I won’t inadvertently blow up the birdhouse.

Sheesh.

.

.

Well I’m going to use my magic anyways, so if you’re that worried about the birdhouse exploding you can stand behind me while I do it.

.

Or you can stand all the way out in the hallway. That works too.

Okay, here goes.

.

.

.

Ha!

See, Spike? The birdhouse didn’t blow up. I was able to control my magic well enough to make a fairly neat-looking opening.

.

.

Two openings? What are you-

Oh.

Yes, I see it now, Spike.

I guess while the focus of my magic was pretty good, the strength of it wasn’t. I mean, I certainly didn’t intend to make an opening at both ends.

.

.

Well look at it this way, Spike; Now the bird will have a front door and a back door.

.

.

Oh like the bird is even going to be cognizant of that, Spike. He’ll have a house, that’s all he’ll care about.

Now let’s go take this thing outside and see what kind of bird is going to occupy it.

---

Okay, so as you can see I’ve put the birdhouse on top of this pole in my backyard, and now we’re just waiting for some bird to come by and make it his new home.

So far we haven’t had any birds yet, but I’m sure we’ll see one or two at any moment now.

.

.

There are plenty of birds in Ponyville, Spike. Some are bound to show up at some point.

.

.

.

Any minute now.

.

.

.

Any minute now.

.

.

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Any…minute now.

.

.

.

.

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Oh come on!

How is it that not a single bird has come by to check out my birdhouse?!

.

.

Oh ha-ha, Spike. But this is different from the time I built that bird’s nest.

And thank you so much for bringing that up again.

.

.

.

*SIGH*

Let’s go inside, Spike. It doesn’t look like any birds are going to-

Wait, look! A cardinal just landed on the birdhouse!

Whoo-hoo! I knew some bird would eventually come along and make use of my birdhouse.

.

.

What’s that, Spike?

.

.

He’s WHAT?!

Hey, you, cardinal! That’s a birdhouse, not a bird bathroom!

.

Yeah you better fly away!

.

.

Oh for-

Yes, Spike, I realize the similarities between this moment and when I tried building that bird’s nest.

How many times are you going to bring that up?

So I think I’m going to end this episode here and say that this one was kind of a mixed bag. Building the birdhouse was pretty fun and I wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime, but if I do end up doing it again I think maybe I’ll just use the finished birdhouse as a decorative piece inside the castle or something. You know, since the birds can’t seem to tell that it’s not an outhouse.

But as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

I swear, Spike, if you don’t stop bringing up that bird's nest I’m going to turn the birdhouse into a storage container for your Power Ponies comics.

.

.

Yes I know what that cardinal just did in there!

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Exploring Her Castle's Basement

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Today’s episode is going to be an especially exciting one, because today I’m going to try…exploring the castle’s basement!

Now I know that exploring the castle’s basement may not sound very exciting, but hear me out. You see, in all the time I’ve been living in my castle I’ve never actually been down in the basement before. Well, that’s not entirely true. I have been down there once or twice before, but only to the room at the bottom of the stairs where we store all of our Hearth’s Warming decorations. But I’ve never ventured past that room though, so the entirety of the basement is still unknown to me.

If you’re wondering why it is I’ve never explored my basement before, the answer is because I’ve never really needed to. I know most ponies make use of their basement for things like home gyms or game rooms or extra storage space, but I’ve never needed my basement for such things. The castle is so big that there’s plenty of room on the ground level or above for stuff like that.

Not that I ever see myself putting anything like a home gym or a game room in my castle, mind you.

My point is, aside from having an out-of-the-way place for my Hearth’s Warming decorations I’ve never had any real use for my basement, so I’ve never felt the need to take the time to go down there and have a look around. Until recently that is.

See, lately Spike, Starlight, and myself have all been hearing some weird noises coming from the basement. I’m sure it’s probably just something like creaky pipes or the water heater, but nonetheless these mysterious noises require somepony’s attention to make sure there’s nothing wrong with the castle. So that’s why I’m doing this today.

Now before I venture down these stairs to the basement, I just want to make one thing perfectly clear to everypony; The reason I’m recording this is because I think it’ll make for a good episode of Twilight Tries and not because I’m scared of going down into the basement alone, despite what Spike and Starlight may think.

They’re the ones who are scared to go down there.

So with that, let’s head on down to the basement!

.

As you can see here, these are all of the Hearth’s Warming decorations that I mentioned earlier.

.

Huh, that’s strange. I don’t ever remember putting this sled that says ‘Rosebud’ on it down here.

I wonder if it’s Spike’s or Starlight’s.

Anywhoo, onto the parts of the basement I’ve never been to before.

Here goes.

.

Okay, so past the Hearth’s Warming storage room is a long, dimly-lit hallway with doors lining the walls.

T-Totally not scary at all.

Well, since I haven’t heard any of the weird noises yet I guess we should just start by going door-to-door and checking each of these rooms for anything unusual.

Might as well start with this one over here on the right.

*CREAK*

.

Nothing unusual in this room.

Since, you know, it’s empty.

Moving on to this door over here on the left.

.

*CREAK*

.

Nope, nothing unusual here either. Just a bunch of Power Ponies comics.

Give you three guesses who those belong to.

Moving on.

.

*CREAK*

Okay, these creaky doors are starting to get to me a little bit.

.

Oh, found the water heater.

Best take a closer look at it to make sure it’s functioning properly.

.

Mm-hmm.

.

Yep.

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.

.

I have no idea how to tell if this thing’s working right or not.

I’m just going to assume that since it’s not visibly damaged or making any weird noises right now that it’s working fine.

Moving on.

.

*CREAK*

.

Just another empty room here.

Moving on.

*CREAK*

.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaK4z3Fjpkk

*SLAM*

.

.

.

Moving on.

.

Note to self: Have that door sealed off.

.

*CREAK*

.

*CLANK*

Eep!

D-Did you hear that? I think there’s something in here. Like maybe a wild animal or a leprechaun.

Okay, maybe not a leprechaun.

But whatever it is, I’m guessing it’s probably the cause of the weird noises.

*CLANK*

I’m not scared, I’m not scared, I’m not scared.

H-Hello? Is anypony there?

.

C-Can you please come on out? I p-promise not to hurt you if you do.

.

Guess I have to g-go inside and find whatever’s in there.

You can do this, Twilight. Deep breaths.

*DEEP BREATHING*

Here goes.

.

.

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WHA!!!

W-Wait a minute. Trixie?!

What in the name of Celestia are you doing in my basement?!

.

.

You’re living down here?!

I…are you…what?!

Why are you living down here?! Don’t you have a wagon that you live in?!

.

.

It…got washed down a stream you were trying to cross?

Oh, I’m…I’m sorry to hear that, Trixie.

But why did you come here? Did Starlight say you could stay here?

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No, no, I’m not trying to blame Starlight for you being here without my knowledge. I just want to know if she’s aware of you being here.

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She doesn’t know. Okay then.

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Oh dear.

P-Please don’t cry, Trixie. I know it must have been hard on you losing your wagon like that.

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No, I’m not mad at you for sneaking into my basement.

Look, why don’t we go upstairs, have a bite to eat, and then find you a nicer room than this one to stay in.

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Yes, really. You can stay here in the castle until you get back on your hooves.

.

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Hug…too…tight.

You’re welcome…Trixie.

Can you please…let go of me now?

.

*DEEP BREATHING*

Thank you.

.

.

It’s fine, no need to apologize.

Let’s just get upstairs, okay?

.

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Okay, follow me.

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.

.

Oh, one quick thing, Trixie.

You see that door over there? You've never opened it have you?

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No?

Okay, well, don’t ever open it.

.

.

Trust me, you don’t want to open it. I think it might be a gateway to another dimension or something.

.

TRIXIE, NO! FOR THE LOVE OF LUNA DON’T OPEN IT!

---

Well, this episode was certainly…different than I’d expected.

Seriously, I never expected to find Trixie living in my basement like that.

.

.

We’ll find you a room in a minute, Trixie. I just want to wrap up my vlog first.

So, yeah, I’m just going to end this episode here. As always, thanks for watching everypony, and I’ll see you next ti-

Oh, I almost forgot.

Actually, before I go I want to do something that I don’t normally do at the end of these episodes; I want to tell you what the next episode of Twilight Tries is going to be.

I tend to do episodes for this vlog on-the-fly and rarely do I know at the time of posting an episode what the next one will be, but I had an idea for what I wanted to try next. For it to work though, I’m going to need your help. You see, what I want to try next is…doing a Q&A!

Ooh I’ve always wanted to do a Q&A. I mean, technically I did one once on a cruise run by a minotaur named Iron Will, but as far as I’m concerned that one doesn’t count. It may have been a panel where I was answering questions but it wasn’t my Q&A, you know? I wasn’t the one running it.

But anyways, this Q&A episode will only work if I get sent questions, and that’s where you all come in. So if you have a question that you’d like to ask me, then please write it in the comments section of this video and I might just answer it in the next episode! Though please, don’t ask any lewd or otherwise inappropriate questions. Also, please don’t ask me for any favors, including asking me to marry you.

Yes, that has actually happened to me before.

Other than that, ask away! And I look forward to seeing all of you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

What did I just say about asking lewd questions, Trixie?!

Author's Notes:

Got a question for Twilight? Ask it below and it just might be featured in the next chapter!

And as always, if there's something you'd like to see Twilight try please let me know in the comments!

Doing a Q&A

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So if you watched my last episode, than you probably already know what it is I'm trying today. Today I'm going to try...doing a Q&A!

But before I begin the Q&A, first and foremost I just want to say thank you to all of you for submitting your questions in the comments section of my last video. I wasn't expecting to receive so many of them, but I'm certainly glad that I did. After all, you can't have a Q&A with only the A.

.

I'm so sorry. I realized how that sounded the instant it left my mouth.

Anyways, the one downside to receiving so many questions from all of you is that, unfortunately, it means that I won't be able to get to all of them. Due to the numerous obligations that I have as a princess of Equestria, there's only so much time that I can devote to this Q&A. I'll try to answer as many as I can, but if your question ends up not getting answered I just want to apologize in advance for that.

But enough of that. Let's get started!

---

onedisgruntledmartian asks:

Have you read an unabridged dictionary?

Yes.

Several times, in fact.

---

Kichi asks:

how does it feels to use the elements?

Hmm. Kind of tingly I guess. Like the tingles you get from listening to ASMR but all throughout your body.

---

ANW asks:

What's your favorite and least favorite episode?

Um, my favorite and least favorite episode of what? Avatar: The Last Airbender?

If that's what you mean, I guess I'd have to say that my favorite episode is Tales of Ba Sing Se and my least favorite episode is The Great Divide.

I think The Great Divide is everypony's least favorite episode of Avatar.

---

twidash1993 asks:

Any cute memories of Spike growing up?

I have many cute memories of Spike from when he was growing up, but there's one that holds a special place in my heart.

So you remember how I said that my fear of quesadillas came from watching a scary movie called Attack of the Killer Quesadillas when I was a filly? Well, Spike was watching that movie with me and Shining Armor, and when he saw that the killer quesadillas were scaring me he ran up to the TV and started lightly hitting it while saying, 'Bad quesadillas! Stop scaring Twilight!' It was incredibly cute, but it was also the moment that I knew Spike would always be there for me when I needed him the most.

---

BeautifulHorse asks:

Have you ever been in or known of a cult?

I've been advised by my legal counsel to say that I have never been involved in any cults or been aware of any activities carried out by a pony or ponies associated with a cult.

---

ThePinkedWonder asks:

Why haven't you asked out one of the Flash Sentries yet?

I should have figured somepony was going to ask something related to my love life.

Okay, the reason I haven't asked out the Flash Sentry from Sunset's world is because, well, he lives in another world and I'm pretty sure a cross-dimensional relationship wouldn't work. And the reason I haven't asked out the Flash Sentry from Equestria is because...because...

.

I don't really have an answer for that one.

Moving on!

---

sonicfan05 asks:

Out of all of your friends, which one do you consider as your best friend?

Oh, I consider all of my friends to be my best friend!

I love them all equally.
.

.

Oh ha-ha! That's real funny coming from you, Starlight!

---

BarelyCoherent asks:

Who do you think would win in a fight: Princess Luna, but her mane is made out of knives, or 3 Cadances in a trench coat?

Oh, that's an easy one. The winner would be Princess Celestia just as she is, because Princess Celestia always wins.

Always.

---

BeastofGilchrist asks:

Ever accidentally smacked somepony with a wing?

Accidentally?

No, never accidentally.

---

Horseus King of Horses asks:

Do you know that Celestia's incompetent and that Luna should take over if she retires?

.

Okay. While I do believe that Princess Luna is fully capable of taking over ruling Equestria after Princess Celestia retires, I wholeheartedly disagree with your statement that Princess Celestia is 'incompetent'.

I will find you and make you see the light, Horseus King of Horses.

---

Izac45 asks:

did you know about your male counterpart named Dusk Shine? Would you like to meet him?

Um, no. I wasn't aware I had a male counterpart named Dusk Shine. Is he from Sunset Shimmer's world? Or maybe even...another alternate world?! Ooh, if he's from another alternate world I'd definitely like to meet him!

If you know how I can get in touch with him, Izac45, please let me know!

---

Onyx Quill asks:

How would you describe your politics?

You know, I was sort of expecting a question like this. Given that I'm going to be ruler of Equestria someday it only makes sense that some ponies would be curious where I stand politically.

I would describe my politics as moderately progressive. I believe in the advancement of things like magic, science, technology, economic development, and social organization to improve the lives of all creatures of Equestria, but I also believe in fiscal responsibility. It's important that our society continue to develop and grow, but we have to be wise about how we go about doing that. Not all progressive programs are fiscally feasible or sustainable, so it's crucial that we make sure we don't waste either our money or our time on agendas that will end up yielding zero or even potentially negative results.

Also, just as an FYI, I plan on doubling the budget for libraries all across Equestria when I take over as ruler. Because apparently there are some towns in Equestria that don't even have a single library in them right now.

That's just plain wrong.

---

AnonymousFin asks:

After that kissing episode with Trixie in the human world have you perhaps softened up to her more in yours? You seem to... well I don't want to say hate her, but perhaps dislike her less than before.

*SIGH*

I knew I should have edited out that kiss.

Look, I'll admit that I have come to consider Trixie as a friend recently, but it's not because of the relationship between the Twilight and Trixie from Sunset Shimmer's world. It's because ever since she moved into my castle I've been spending time with her and getting to know her better. She and I may not always get along, but I've come to appreciate just how much she -

.

.

What the - ?!

Trixie?! How long have you been standing there?!

.

.

Well will you please go somewhere else while I record this episode of my vlog?!

.

.

Thank you!

.

Darn Trixie, eavesdropping like that.

---

Welp, that's all the time I have for the Q&A.

Thank you all again for your questions and I'm really sorry if I didn't get to yours this time around. If I ever do another Q&A I'll try and make sure I revisit all of the questions I didn't answer today.

But as always, thanks for watching, everypony. And I'll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

What was that, Spike?

.

.

Oh, yeah. I told them about when we watched Attack of the Killer Quesadillas together.

So?

.

.

Oh don't be embarrassed by that, Spike. You were just a hatchling back then and -

Wait a minute. How did you know I told them that story? You weren't eavesdropping too, were you?

.

.

Oh for the love of -

Trixie!

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Ghostbusting

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Now before we get started with today’s episode, I just want to let you all know that it’s going to be one of those…impromptu ones. I wasn’t planning on ever really doing something like this, but given the circumstances I now find myself in I figured I might as well get an episode of my vlog out of it.

Oh, also, I’ll be joined by Spike, Starlight, and Trixie for this episode. Or I guess it’d be more accurate to say that I’ll be joining them for this episode.

Wait, does that make sense?

I mean, I’m the one doing the vlog, but I’m not the one organizing this. So who’s joining whom here?

.

Well regardless of all that, what it is I’ll be trying today is…ghost hunting!

.

.

Oh come on, Spike! Does it really matter if I say it that way?!

.

.

All right, fine!

Ahem.

What I meant to say was that today, I’ll be trying…ghostbusting!

There.

Happy, Spike?!

.

.

Good.

Apparently there’s a difference between ghostbusting and ghost hunting that I’m not aware of.

So you might be wondering why it is my housemates – er, castlemates – and I are all going to be ghostbusting today. Well, if you recall from the episode of this vlog where I explored my castle’s basement, you’ll remember that I mentioned Spike, Starlight, and myself all hearing some weird noises coming from down there. As it turned out those weird noises were from Trixie secretly living down in the basement, or at least that’s what the case seemed to be at the time. As it turns out, we’re all still hearing weird noises, and they’re not just coming from the basement anymore. Between the four of us living here, we’ve heard noises coming from just about every room in the castle.

Now just to be perfectly clear, there is absolutely no evidence to support that these weird noises are related to ghosts. In fact, I don’t even believe that there are such things as ghosts.

Well, aside from Discord when he wants to haunt my school that is.

But see, Spike does believe in ghosts, and he’s convinced that they’re behind all of this. And don’t ask me how, but he’s somehow managed to convince Starlight and Trixie that we have ghosts too.

Seriously, I have no idea how he managed to convince Starlight and Trixie of that.

Well, I have no idea how he managed to convince Starlight at least.

So, yep, that’s why I’m trying ghostbusting today. Because everypony I live with has apparently seen too many scary movies and now thinks our home is infected with ghosts.

.

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Yes, I’m ready, Spike! I’m just finishing up the intro for my vlog!

Looks like we’re all set to get started. I better go join the others.

.

Okay, Spike, so what exactly are we going to – Whoa!

Are…Are these what I think they are?!

.

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Just where in Equestria did you get proton packs, Spike?!

.

.

You made them, Starlight?!

When did you…I mean, how did you…what?!

.

.

Since when do you have a degree in nuclear physics with a minor in mechanical engineering?!

.

.

Well of course I never asked you if you had a degree in those fields! You never gave me any reason to think that you know anything about either nuclear physics or mechanical engineering!

Though I have to admit, I’m impressed that you do.

.

.

You helped Starlight make these, huh, Trixie?

That…worries me a little.

Um, did you by any chance happen to test this equipment, Starlight?

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Starlight?

.

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Oh, okay. Good.

Not sure why you hesitated to answer me, but no biggie.

All right, so what’s the plan here, Spike?

.

.

We each take a proton pack, split up into groups of two, and search the castle for any ghosts?

Okay, that sounds like a good plan. I guess I’ll go with you, Spike, that way Starlight and Trixie can – Wait, where are you and Starlight going?!

Spike!

SPIKE!!

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Welp, I guess this means you and I are working together, Trixie.

.

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Yeah, yeah, you’re a great and powerful ghostbuster who ‘ain’t ‘fraid of no ghost’.

I’m just going to let all of that bad grammar slide.

Let’s just get this over with, shall we?

.

.

Oh Celestia help me.

---

Okay, so Trixie and I have been wandering around the castle for about ten minutes now looking for ghosts and haven’t found any yet.

Big surprise.

We’ve checked the library, the kitchen, and my room, which for some reason Trixie was very insistent upon checking, and so far we haven’t come across anything that could be considered even remotely ghost-related. Well, we did come across a rather odd and strange looking green substance in the kitchen that we thought might have been some ghost slime or something, but we quickly realized it was just some gelatin that somepony had left sitting out for too long.

I didn’t even know we had any gelatin in the castle.

So, yeah, things have been pretty uneventful so far. And honestly, they’re probably going to end up staying that way, so don’t be surprised if I decide to end this episode fairly soon.

All right, Trixie, where do you want to go looking next?

.

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T-The basement?

Um, how about we don’t look down there, huh?

You know, where it’s dark…and creepy…and there’s a gateway to another dimension.

.

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I am not scared! I just…don’t think we need to go down there is all.

I mean, you never saw any ghosts when you were living down there, did you?

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Alrighty then, so we don’t need to check down there.

How about we check the map room instead?

.

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Okay, let’s head over there and – um, Trixie, is your proton pack supposed to be glowing and humming like that?

.

.

It’s not?!

Hurry, take it off! Take it off!!

.

.

This is no time for a ‘That’s what she said’ joke, Trixie! We have to get this thing off of you before it potentially explodes! Now stop struggling!!

.

Hit the deck!

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*BOOM*

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Are…are you okay, Trixie?

.

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Yeah, I’m fine, thanks.

Just…how in Tartarus did that happen?! I thought Starlight said you tested these things?!

.

.

Well obviously I was asking if you’d tested them successfully!

Oooh, this is bad. This is really, really bad.

Look, Trixie, we need to find Spike and Starlight and tell them to take their proton packs off before they explode!

We should split up so we can cover more ground quicker.

.

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Okay, you check the east wing, I’ll check the west.

Let’s go!

.

I really hope Spike and Starlight are okay.

.

.

.

*BOOM*

Oh no. I really hope that noise wasn’t what I thought it was.

It sounded like it was coming from Starlight’s room

.

.

.

Well, the door doesn’t appear to have been blown off, so that’s a good sign I suppose.

.

Spike, Starlight! Are you both oka – AHH!

Spike, it’s just me! Stop pointing that thing at me!

.

.

This isn’t the time for a ‘That’s what she said’ joke, Starlight! You both need to take your proton packs off and get away from them right now!

.

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Because Trixie’s exploded, that’s why!

Now hurry!

.

Phew, thank goodness. I’m so glad you two didn’t experience any problems with your packs.

By the way, Spike, what were you firing at when I walked in?

.

.

A ghost, huh?

And where exactly did you see this ghost?

.

.

Up there?

Let me just fly up and have a look at this supposed ghost.

.

.

.

I found your ghost, Spike, and it’s not a ghost. It’s Owlowiscious. And I’m willing to bet he’s the source of the noises we’ve all been hearing.

Come on out, Owlowiscious, it’s okay. Spike won’t fire anymore scary beams at you.

.

Well, after an exploding proton pack and our household pet nearly getting incinerated I’d say it’s time we put an end to this ghost hunt.

.

.

Oh for -

This isn’t the time to be picky about what we’re calling this thing, Spike! Ghost hunt, ghostbust, whatever you want to call it I’m putting a stop to it right now before somepony gets seriously hurt! Understand?!

.

.

Good. Now you and Starlight go find Trixie and wait for me in the library. I’m going to calm Owlowisious down a bit before we all have a long conversation about how there’s no such thing as ghosts and how using experimental, nuclear-powered equipment that hasn’t been successfully tested isn’t safe.

.

*SIGH*

Well, I guess that pretty much wraps things up for this episode. It definitely didn’t go how I thought it would, but regardless I’m just glad that nopony got hurt. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find Owlowisious some frozen beetles to eat to help calm him down.

Frozen beetles are his favorite.

So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Come on, Owlowisious.

.

.

Um, Owlowisious. D-Did you just say…Zuul?

Author's Notes:

Who you gonna call?

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Performing an Exorcism

…Keep casting the containment spell, you two! We can’t let him get away!

.

.

I know it’s a difficult spell, Trixie, but if we don’t keep Owlowiscious contained who knows what he’ll do! You and Starlight just need to keep it up until Spike gets back from the library with the books!

.

Wait a minute. Is this thing still on?

.

It is.

Eh, when life gives you lemons…

Hey, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries! Or I guess I should say welcome to a continuation of Twilight Tries since apparently I never turned off the camera from the last episode.

So if you watched the last episode, you’ll remember that I tried ghostbusting for the first time because Spike, Starlight, and Trixie were all convinced that we had ghosts floating around the castle. We split up into groups to go looking for the ghosts, Trixie and I almost died when one of Starlight’s homemade proton packs exploded, and I almost died again when Spike accidently fired a proton beam at me.

You know, typical Saturday stuff around here.

But you may also remember that our supposed ghost turned out to simply be my pet owl, Owlowiscious. Everything seemed to have wrapped up nicely after that, until Owlowiscious started saying ‘Zuul’ over-and-over again in this really creepy voice and his eyes turned a very ominous shade of red.

Which is not typical Saturday stuff.

That’s when I started to think that maybe we really did have a ghost floating around the castle, and that it had possessed Owlowiscious for some reason. So that’s why Starlight and Trixie are behind me casting a spell of containment to keep Owlowiscious from doing…something that I’m sure you don’t want a possessed owl doing.

As for me, I’m waiting for Spike to come back from the castle library with some books about how to perform an exorcism. Because according to him we apparently have a number of books on the subject of exorcisms.

So, yeah, that’s what I’m going to be trying in this episode. I’m going to try and perform an exorcism…on my pet owl.

Reeeeally didn’t see this one coming.

.

.

For the last time, Trixie, we’re not using the proton packs on Owlowiscious!

.

.

Because your proton pack exploded, remember?!

And even if it hadn’t, I don’t want to harm Owlowiscious! He’s just a victim in all of this!

.

.

Trixie, I swear if I hear one more remark out of you today that includes the words ‘fried owl’ I’m going to send you back down to the basement where I found you!

.

Oh, Spike, you’re back! Thank goodness.

Wow, we really do have a number of books on exorcisms.

Let’s see what we’ve got here.

.

Exorcism 101?

No, probably too basic.

.

Exorcism For Dummies?

Definitely not.

I’m not a dummy.

.

I Was A Teenage Exorcist?

I’m pretty sure this one’s just a bad teenage romance novel with exorcism thrown in for the heck of it.

.

The Necronomicon?!

Spike, we’re trying to exorcise a ghost, not summon one!

.

Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Exorcisms?

Well I highly doubt this book contains everything we want to know regarding exorcisms, but since it seems to be the best one we’ve got it’ll have to do.

.

Okay, this seems simple enough. All I have to do is recite these words and the ghost possessing Owlowiscious should be exor-

Oh dear.

Um, it says that the exorcism won’t work through the containment spell. He has to be able to hear me speaking the words or else the ghost won’t be exorcised.

Starlight, Trixie! Any chance you can drop the containment spell and then quickly use your magic to hold Owlowiscious down?!

.

.

I know it won’t be easy, Starlight, but we don’t have a choice. And don’t worry, if this works you shouldn’t have to hold him down for very long.

.

.

Okay, get ready, you two. On my mark.

.

Now!

.

Good, hold him down just like that while I –

.

.

H-He’s speaking full sentences now. And in an even creepier voice than before.

.

.

Wait a minute. What did you just say about my mother?!

.

.

Listen here, you darn ghost; My mother is a saint! She would never do something as disgusting and vulgar as that!

.

.

Why you – !

.

.

Y-You’re right, Spike, the ghost is just trying to distract me.

Thanks for -

.

.

Oh, right.

Sorry, Starlight! Let me just find that page again and – Here we are!

HAIL CELESTIA, FULL OF GRACE, THE SUN IS WITH THEE! BLESSED ART THOU AMONG PONIES, AND BLESSED BE THY SISTER, LUNA!

.

.

I think it’s working. He’s getting agitated.

BEGONE, GHOST! IN THE NAME OF THE SUN, THE MOON, AND LOVE, I SAY TO THEE BEGONE!!!

.

.

THE POWER OF CELESTIA COMPELS YOU, FOUL CREATURE! THE POWER OF CELESTIA COMPELS YOU!!!

.

Wha!

.

A-Are you all seeing this? I-It looks like the ghost is being exorcised from Owlowiscious and sent to…I don’t even know where. Some other dimension by the looks of it.

I really hope this is showing up on camera.

.

.

.

I think it’s over now.

Is everypony all right?

.

.

Ugh.

You’re fine, Trixie. Being a little hungry doesn’t mean that you’re not all right.

Owlowiscious? Can you hear me? Are you okay?

.

.

Oh thank goodness! I was so afraid that you’d be possessed by that ghost forever or get sucked into that other dimension with it.

Why don’t you go rest up in my bedroom for a while. I imagine you’re probably feeling a bit worn out after having been possessed by a ghost.

.

I guess he isn’t too worn out if he can still fly like that.

Okay, castlemates, now that we’ve taken care of that nasty ghost business we can get down to our talk about - Hey, where are you three going?! Have you forgotten why I asked you all to gather here in the first place?

.

.

No, Starlight, it wasn’t so that we could play a game of Dragon Pit. It was so that we could have a little talk about how there’s no such thing as ghosts and how using experimental, nuclear-powered equipment that hasn’t been successfully tested isn’t safe. Now given everything that we just went through I’m willing to forego the part about there being no such thing as ghosts, but that doesn’t mean we still don’t need to have a very serious talk about how incredibly unsafe it is to use homemade proton packs.

.

.

Fine, Trixie, you can grab a snack from the kitchen first. Just be quick about it, okay?

Well while we wait for Trixie to get her snack I guess I’ll officially end things here. So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

Trixie, I didn’t just hear you mumble the words ‘fried owl’, did I?

.

.

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Writing Poetry With Maud

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

I’m really excited for today’s episode for a couple of reasons. Firstly because today I’m going to be trying something that I’ve really wanted to try at some point in my life but never quite had the time for. Until just recently that is. And secondly because this episode I’m going to be joined by a very special guest!

But first things first, what it is I’ll be trying today. Today, I’m going to try…writing poetry!

I’ve always loved poetry, ever since I was a filly. I still remember the first time I read the works of Quilland Ink and Flourish Prose. They’re poetry really spoke to me and helped develop my overall love of books. Plus they inspired me to someday try and write some poetry of my own, and now that day has finally come!

*SQUEE*

Oh, but let’s not forget about our very special guest.

Now I was given a special introduction by Pinkie Pie that she wanted me to read before revealing to you all who it is that’ll be joining me today. I just have to remember where I put it.

Give me a few seconds.

.

Come on, where did I put that thing?

.

Ah, here we are.

Ahem.

‘Please allow me to introduce the amazing, prolific, most bestest sister ever,’

Most bestest sister ever?

*SIGH*

We really need to work on your grammar skills, Pinkie.

‘And undoubtedly the future poet laureate of Equestria; Maud Pie!’

Say hi to everypony, Maud!

.

.

Okay, I didn’t mean say, ‘hi to everypony, Maud’, but all right.

I’m so happy to have you here with me for this episode, Maud. As a pony who’s written thousands of pieces of poetry I’m sure there’s no shortage of lessons that I can learn from you on the subject.

.

.

NO!

I-I mean, that’s okay, Maud. You don’t need to read all of your poems about rocks to me again. I, um, still remember them very well from when you read them to me during your first visit to Ponyville.

Mostly because they were all very similar.

I was hoping you could maybe tell me how it is you write your poetry. You know, help me understand your thought processes when you’re composing your stanzas and such.

.

.

Well, y-yes, I gathered that you think about rocks since that’s what you write about. But I mean, how do you do things like incorporate literary devices into your work? How do you create metaphors and allegories and those sorts of things that help make your poems as vivid as possible?

.

.

You’re…not really sure how you do those things?

Um, all right then.

.

This is incredibly awkward.

.

S-Say, why don’t you show us your, um, uniquely creative process for writing poetry. Maybe by watching you work we can get a better understanding of just how it is you’re able to create so many poems.

.

.

Oh, well if you need rocks for inspiration than we can go out back into the garden if you’d like.

.

.

Okay, let’s go.

---

.

.

.

Maud’s just been staring silently at those rocks over there for like ten minutes now. I can’t even tell if she’s still awake or not, let alone what she may be doing to compose poetry.

.

.

What’s that, Maud? You just composed a new poem?

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.

S-Sure, I’d love to hear it.

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.

.

.

Wow. That was a very, um…eloquent and heartfelt poem about rocks.

But, could you perhaps tell me how you came up with it. I couldn’t really tell from just watching you look at the rocks.

.

.

You…just thought about how much you love rocks and the words just came to you?

I’m afraid I don’t quite understand.

.

.

Huh? What is it that I love?

Well, let’s see. I certainly love magic. And I love books too.

.

.

Go back inside, Trixie!

And I do not love steamy romance novels that much!

.

.

I SAID GO BACK INSIDE, TRIXIE!

I swear, sometimes I really regret letting that pony live in my castle.

.

.

Sorry, Maud, what was that?

.

.

What is it that I love the most?

Well, I suppose what I love the most is friendship. It’s thanks to my friends that I’ve become the pony that I am today. My books and my magic have helped with that too, of course, but there’s no denying that friendship has played a pretty massive role in my life.

.

.

You’re saying I should just think about friendship and the words will just come to me?

I suppose it’s worth a try. But let’s head on back inside while I do that.

---

.

.

.

I don’t think this is working for me, Maud. I’ve been sitting here for half an hour and I haven’t been able to come up with a poem that expresses my feelings towards friendship.

.

.

Close my eyes?

Um, all right.

.

.

You want me to remember my life before I discovered friendship?

Okay, I’ll try.

.

.

How do I feel?

I feel lonely. And...and cold.

.

.

Now remember how I felt after discovering friendship?

All right.

.

.

I feel…warm. Like I’m not alone anymore.

*GASP*

I think I get it now, Maud!

Give me a few minutes to get some ideas written down.

---

Okay, this is what I came up with.

Ahem.

‘Cold is the void that exists between the alpha and the omega,
It is, by its nature, a vast sea of nothingness,
Deprived of any absolute meaning or purpose,
Filled only with that which we choose to fill it with,’

‘We can choose to leave the void as is,
A cold and empty realm of darkness,
Or we can choose to fill it with bright and warming light,
The resplendent light that shines within us all,’

‘But a lone light can only shine so brightly and for so long,
It cannot survive on its own indefinitely,
Eventually it will begin to dim and die out,
And soon enough the void shall take hold once again,’

‘It is only by accepting the light of others that we can dispel the void,
For together our lights shine far brighter and longer,
Until they become as one light,
Glowing and burning throughout the whole of eternity,’

‘It is up to each of us to choose which path we follow,
Nopony else can make the decision for us,
Do we stand alone within the cold and empty void,
Or do we seek out and accept the effulgent light of others.’

How was that, Maud? Do you think it was good?

.

.

It doesn’t matter what anypony else thinks of it? All that matters is what I think of it?

I mean I don’t think it’s a masterpiece or anything, but considering that I wrote it from my heart and that it reflects my true feelings towards friendship I suppose I’m satisfied with it. Though I do think there’s room for improvement next time.

.

.

Mm-hmm, I think I will try writing more poetry in the future. This was really fun and I’d love to do it again when I find the time.

Thanks for all of your help today, Maud. I really learned a lot about writing poetry from you.

.

.

Oh, you…wrote even more rock poems while I was busy writing my poem. That’s, um…great!

.

.

Oh of course I’d love to hear it. Definitely.

I just need a minute to wrap up my video first, okay?

.

.

Okay.

Well, everypony, that should do it for today’s episode. As always thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

Coming, Maud!

Is it wrong for me to hope that she only wrote a couple more poems? I kind of feel guilty about hoping for that.

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to MidnightFMare for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Air Conditioner Repair

…maybe the problem is with this coil. It certainly looks like it might not be working right.

.

Spike?

What are you doing out here with the camera?

.

.

You want to record what I’m doing for an episode of Twilight Tries?

Uh, Spike, all I’m doing is trying to fix the air conditioner.

.

.

Well, yes, that is true. It’s not like I’ve ever tried fixing an air conditioner before, but that’s beside the point. What I’m trying to get at here is that I really don’t think fixing the air conditioner is going to make for a very interesting episode of my vlog.

.

.

Hmm, good point. That episode where I tried doing my taxes wasn’t exactly all that interesting, was it? And it has been a while since I last did an episode too.

.

Eh, what the hay?

Ahem.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to try…air conditioner repair!

Yay!

.

*SIGH*

Look, I know this probably isn’t going to be an especially compelling episode of my vlog, but it is kind of hard to argue with Spike’s point a moment ago. I haven’t done an episode in a while, and I really am sorry for that. But I assure you there’s a very good reason for that, and that reason is because, well, things have been pretty uneventful around here lately.

Seriously. No monster attacks, no friendship problems, no nothing. Honestly the most interesting thing that’s happened recently was that I did my annual book-sort-cation last weekend. I’d actually thought about doing a book-sort-cation episode, but since I’ve done those many times before I would’ve been breaking the cardinal rule of my vlog. And because apparently book-sort-cations are, according to Trixie, ‘about as entertaining as watching paint dry’.

Just what does she know about book-sort-cations, hmm? I’ve never even seen her hold a book.

But getting back to the matter at hoof, the reason for why it is I’m trying to fix my air conditioner should be pretty obvious; it’s not working. And it’s brand new too! I just got it two days ago! Not only that, but of course it just has to be the hottest day of the year when this happens, so every air conditioner repairpony in town is busy fixing other air conditioners.

So, yeah, to keep my castlemates and myself from melting under this scorching heat I’m out here doing what I can to try and get this darn thing working.

.

.

Yes I know the heat doesn’t bother you, Spike, but trust me, if you were a pony it would. I mean, you should’ve seen poor Starlight when I checked on her an hour ago. She was sweating so much I thought she was going to die from dehydration.

.

.

Wait, why would she be all sweaty from spending time with Trixie? I don’t get –

Oh.

Please don’t insinuate that kind of stuff, Spike. It’s going to put images in my brain that I really don’t want there.

We need to get back on topic, fast.

So anywhoo, I’ve been out here for about half an hour now trying to see what’s wrong with the air conditioner, and so far I haven’t found the problem yet.

.

.

Yeah, at first I thought the problem was just that it was out of Freon too, Spike, but I quickly found out that it couldn’t be that. See? The tank is full.

When you came out I thought that maybe it was this coil here that was causing the problem.

.

.

I don’t know, but just look at how twisted up it is. Doesn’t it look like it might not be working right?

.

.

Oh, hi there, Rainbow. How are you today?

.

.

I’m fine, thanks. I’m just trying to get my air conditioner working, but I’m having a bit of a difficult time trying to find out what’s wrong with it.

.

.

Well like I just told Spike, I don’t think the problem is that the Freon is low. If you look over here at the tank it looks like there’s plenty of Freon.

.

.

You think it might be the start capacitor then? Huh, I suppose that could be the problem.

Just one question: Which one of these doohickeys is the start capacitor?

.

.

This one?

.

Hmm, I don’t know. It seems to be in good enough shape. It doesn’t look like it’s disconnected or corroded or anything like that.

.

.

Pinkie? What are you doing here?

.

.

Oh, um, yeah. I think I have an extra bag of sugar in the kitchen if you need it. I’ll go double-check after I figure out what’s wrong with my air conditioner.

.

.

Yeah, no, it’s not the Freon. I checked.

Rainbow thinks it might be the start capacitor but I’m not so sure.

.

.

You think it might be the suction line insulation?

Why would you think that?

.

.

Because that’s what was wrong with your air conditioner last year?

Well I guess we can check it out, but from here it looks like it’s fi –

.

.

Lyra? When did you get –

.

.

Well, yeah, my air conditioner isn’t running and we’re trying to –

.

.

Oh for –

It’s not the Freon! That was the first thing I checked!

.

.

You think it’s the A coil?

What the hay is an A coil?!

.

.

Aloe and Lotus? You two think the problem is that the evaporator coil froze over?

Now hold on a minute! How is it that everypony in town knows that my air conditioner isn’t working?! And for that matter, how is it that all of you seem to know so much about air conditioners in the first place?!

.

.

It’s not the Freon, Daisy!

See?! The tank is full!

.

.

Oh joy. Now Trixie wants to give her two bits.

Okay, Trixie, what do you think is wrong with the air conditioner?

.

.

AAAAAH!

FOR THE LAST TIME, IT’S NOT THE FRE - Wait, did you say...Puron?

What’s Puron?

.

.

It’s the refrigerant chemical used in air conditioners these days?

Okay, you lost me, on a couple of levels.

.

.

Oooh. You’re saying that this model of air conditioner uses Puron instead of Freon.

But wait, if this model uses Puron than how come it came with Freon when I bought it?

.

.

Hey, Del’s Discount Appliances is a very reputable shop!

At least that’s what that stallion named Herb told me.

.

Okay, well, I guess the problem really was with the Freon all along…just not in the way I’d thought.

S-Sorry about, um, losing my cool with all of you a moment ago!

Hehe.

.

And I’m sorry for that lame pun just now too.

But in all seriousness, I’m glad that I have so many friends like all of you who are willing to help me when I’m having a problem. All of your advice truly was appreciated, but maybe next time how about we try just one pony speaking at a time instead of everypony trying to talk over one another?

.

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Sounds good.

And, um, Trixie. Do you think maybe you could…help me find some of this Puron stuff and get it hooked up to the air conditioner?

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.

Okay, great! Just give me a minute to wrap up this video first.

Well, everypony, I think that should do it for this episode. It certainly ended up being more, shall we say…lively than I’d imagined, but in the end I think everything turned out all right. I just wish I hadn’t lost my temper simply because my friends were trying to help me.

I think this heat is really starting to get to me.

But anywhoo, as always thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

By the way, Trixie, did you by chance happen to see Starlight before you came out here? I ask because when I saw her earlier she was really sweating up a storm on account of this warm weather and I’m worried about her.

.

.

Wait, the warm weather isn’t why she’s all sweaty? How do you know –

Oh.

Aaand the images are in my brain now. Perfect.

Author's Notes:

This chapter was inspired by true events.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Being a Lumberjack

Come on, Starlight. Don’t you think this is a bit much?

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Yes, I know what I agreed to, but do I really have to wear all of this? I mean, the suspenders are too tight, the boots are really heavy, and this plaid flannel shirt really clashes with my coat.

Oh sweet Celestia. Rarity’s fashion sense is starting to rub off on me.

.

.

Ugh.

All right, fine. If it’s that important to you then I’ll wear them.

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Oops, camera’s already recording.

Ahem.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to try…being a lumberjack!

Whoo, yeah! I am excited to do this episode! So much so, in fact, that why don’t we just cut out the usual small talk and get right down to it, hmm?!

Yeah, I think that sounds like a great idea! So let’s get going!

.

.

*SIGH*

Okay, okay, Starlight. I’ll do it like normal.

*DEEP BREATH*

Sorry about that, everypony. I didn’t mean to make it seem like I don’t enjoy talking with all of you before the episode actually gets underway. I do enjoy it, it’s just that, well, today’s episode isn’t one that I’m doing of my own volition. Heck, it wasn’t even my idea to do this episode.

I should probably start from the beginning.

See, all of this started the other day when Starlight and I were playing cards together in the castle when neither of us had much going on. At first our game was just friendly; no bets or stakes or anything like that. But after we played a few hooves Starlight said she wanted to make things more interesting and asked if we could start betting on each hoof using chips. And when I say chips, I mean potato chips.

We’d gotten some snacks from the kitchen not long after we’d started playing.

Since betting on potato chips seemed harmless enough I agreed to Starlight’s request and our friendly game now had some stakes to it. Very mild stakes, mind you, but stakes none-the-less. Anywhoo, after only a few hooves I really racked up an impressive chip count, and Starlight said that she wanted to raise our stakes to betting with our castle chores. Now since I was on a hot-streak I agreed without hesitation in the hopes of getting out of having to do a few of my chores for a week. And as luck would have it, my hot-streak continued!

Oh I tell ya, you should’ve seen Starlight’s face when I laid down that straight and she got stuck with basement cleaning duty.

I was really glad to offload that one on her.

.

.

Yeah, yeah, I’m getting to what happened next, Starlight.

So after that Starlight wanted to up the stakes again, only this time she wanted to bet on one hoof. And she wanted to bet a request; a request by the winner to the loser for anything they wanted, within reason of course. And, once again, since I was on a hot-streak I agreed without hesitation and, well, I think you can guess how that hoof went for me.

I lost.

And when I did Starlight told me that what she wanted was for me to do an episode of my vlog where I tried being a lumberjack. Now don’t ask me why that was what she wanted me to do because I have absolutely no clue. The best I can figure is that she thinks it’ll be funny to have me record myself trying to do something so labor-intensive.

I swear, that unicorn has the most bizarre sense of humor out of any pony I know. And I know Pinkie Pie.

Oh, and apparently I have to wear this incredibly uncomfortable lumberjack outfit as part of the deal too.

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Starlight, the lack of a trapper hat has no effect on how comfortable the rest of the ensemble is.

Also, are you just going to stand over there and watch me the whole time?

.

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What the -

What are you doing here, Trixie?!

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Of course Starlight told you about this and you came to watch too.

Fine, just…both of you watch quietly, okay?

.

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Thank you.

Oh I am so ready to get this over with.

Welp, I might as well go meet some of the other lumberjack ponies and find out what this job entails. And who knows, maybe I can become friends with one of them so that this whole experience can at least have a silver-lining to it.

.

Oo, that stallion over there looks like a pretty experienced lumberjack. I mean he certainly seems rugged enough to be one.

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Hello there, I’m Twilight Sparkle and I’ll be joining your lumberjack crew today. What’s your name?

.

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Python? Well it’s nice to meet you, Python.

.

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Oh, I’m here because I, um…am looking to expand my understanding of what it means to be a lumberjack! Yeah, that’s it. Because it’s, um, such an interesting profession and I wanted to learn more about it by getting some first-hoof experience with it alongside actual lumberjack ponies!

So, um, could you maybe be so kind as to share with me some of the things you do as a lumberjack?

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You cut down trees and have buttered scones for tea?

Huh, I didn’t know buttered scones and teas were part of the lumberjack experience.

.

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You also…put on mare’s clothing and…hang around in bars?

Um, okay then.

You know what, I think I see somepony I know over there so I’m just going to go say hello to them.

It was nice meeting you, Python!

.

Okay, that was not something I’d ever expected to hear from a lumberjack. And I have the feeling that not all lumberjacks have buttered scones for tea or go to bars in mare’s clothing, only Python. Which is fine, there’s nothing wrong with a stallion doing that, but just…wow.

.

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Oh really. Well then tell me, Sunburst; just how many transvestite lumberjacks do you know?

Wait, Sunburst?! What are you doing here?

.

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Et tu, Sunburst?

Okay, well, I’m going to go over there now so you three can just stay right where you are and have you’re little – oof!

Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying any attention to where I was going and I didn’t see you –

Oh my. He’s kind of cute.

Um, so, yeah, s-sorry about that, um…

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Timber? Timber Spruce?

Well, sorry, Timber.

By the way it’s, um, nice to meet you. I’m Twily Sparkle. I mean Twilight Sparkle!

Hehe.

.

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Oh, I’m here because…

Why am I here again?

Oh, right.

I’m here because I lost a bet and now I have to record myself being a lumberjack for my vlog.

.

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Yeah, I have no idea why that’s what she wanted me to do. She’s weird.

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Yes I know you’re standing right over there, Starlight!

But anyways, Timber, could you, um, maybe help me with getting the hang of being a lumberjack? I’m pretty new to this and the last stallion I asked, um…wasn’t much help.

.

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Great!

I mean, that sounds great. Thank you.

Where should we start?

.

.

Chopping logs? Okay.

So I just use this axe here and – whoa! T-That’s heavy.

.

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Oh no, that’s fine. You don’t need to –

Aaaand he’s helping me hold the axe.

Yay!

.

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Okay, on three. One, two, three!

.

I did it! I did some lumberjacking!

Wait, can you use lumberjack as a verb?

Eh, who cares.

Thanks for the help, Timber. It was…nice.

*FWEET*

Huh? What does that whistle mean?

.

.

Buttered scones and tea break?

Huh, I guess buttered scones and tea really are part of the lumberjack experience.

.

.

Y-Yeah, I’ll be along in a second, Timber. I just need to do something real quick for my vlog first.

.

Well, this has certainly turned out better than I’d expected. I get to have some buttered scones and I seem to have made a new friend. I think I’m going to have to thank Starlight later for making me do this. And speaking of Starlight, I just realized something about my deal with her; she didn’t specify how long I had to record myself being a lumberjack. So with that little loophole now known I think I’m going to stop this episode here, because if I needed help with just chopping a log I don’t think I want to record myself trying to cut down a tree or anything like that.

So as always thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Now where did Timber go?

TIMBER!

Author's Notes:

I'll give you three guesses where the inspiration for this chapter came from. If you need more than one though, click here.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Closing the Stargate in Her Basement

H-Hi there, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries.

Sorry if I don’t sound as excited as I usually do, but today’s episode is, well…let’s just say it might possibly end up being the last episode of this vlog. I mean I’m really, really hoping it won’t end up being the last episode, but I can’t discredit the possibility that it very well could be because I may soon cease to exist.

.

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Oh I am not being overdramatic, Trixie! You didn’t stare into that thing like I did! You have no idea what it’s potentially capable of!

I should probably explain things.

So if you watched the episode of my vlog where I explored my castle’s basement, you may remember that while I was down there I encountered something very unusual. Something that I didn’t expect to encounter down there, and I’m not referring to Trixie. I encountered what I can only assume is a stargate; an interdimensional portal that leads to, um…somewhere interdimensional.

Maybe. I’m not entirely sure.

Anywhoo, as you may also recall from that episode the stargate existed behind a random door in the basement. Now because of this I believed that it was contained and could therefore be left alone if I simply sealed that door off.

Weeell, it turns out I was wrong about that.

See, a few days ago Spike, Starlight, and Trixie all came to me complaining that there was no hot water in the castle. Not in the kitchen, not in the bathroom, not anywhere. Now naturally my first assumption was that there was a problem with the water heater, so I decided to venture down into the basement to have a look at it. And when I got down there and opened the door where the water heater was I immediately found out what the problem was.

The water heater was indeed not working, because the stargate had grown larger and consumed it! The whole water heater!

*DEEP BREATHING*

.

Sorry about that. It’s just…I can’t believe the water heater is really gone. I mean, have you ever seen a water heater before? They're huge! And the stargate just swallowed it up like it was nothing!

I’m digressing.

So the water heater aside, the growing stargate is most definitely cause for concern. Just think about it; If it grew large enough to consume another room in my basement than how long until it grows large enough to consume the whole castle? Or all of Equestria?!

That’s why in today’s episode, I’m going to try and close the stargate.

But just how am I going to close the stargate you may ask? Well the answer is: I have no idea.

Yep, I’ve got nothing. I’ve never dealt with anything even remotely like this before and – as far as my research has shown – neither has any other pony. My first thought was to use the Elements of Harmony, but since those are gone now that’s not really an option. And even if it were still an option I’d be hesitant to ask my friends to confront this thing unless it was absolutely necessary.

I don’t even want to think what would happen if even one of them ended up going through it.

So as to the question of what it is I’m actually going to do to try and close the stargate, the answer to that is: everything.

That’s right, I’m just going to randomly try every spell, charm, incantation, and what-have-you I know that I think might close the stargate.

.

*SIGH*

Look, I’m the first to admit that this isn’t a very good plan. In fact, it’s not really much of a plan at all. But like I said I’ve never dealt with anything like this and trying everything is better than trying nothing, right?

.

.

Ugh.

No, Trixie, I don’t think any of my spells, charms, incantations, and what-have-you will only make the stargate bigger! I may not know much about stargates but I do know a thing or two about magic, and I’ve been extremely careful to select only magics that could potentially close the stargate and not make it bigger!

.

.

Well you’re not going to get a chance to say ‘Trixie told you so’ because you’re not going to be right!

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.

I'm just going to go down into the basement now before I lose what’s left of my patience.

.

.

.

So as you can see, the stargate hasn’t reached the first room of the basement with all of our Hearth’s Warming decorations yet. Which is good for number of reasons, not the least of which being that I don’t have to explain to Spike that his Hearth’s Warming doll was sucked into an event horizon and is now probably being used by some interdimensional creature for target practice.

That little guy really does love his Hearth’s Warming doll.

.

.

.

Okay, here we are. Beyond this door is the stargate, and just in case things don’t go well I want to say a few things to my castlemates before opening it. Spike, you have always been my number one assistant and number one friend. I love you. Starlight, you were both an amazing student and an amazing friend. It’s been an honor to have been your mentor. And Trixie, um…you make really good cocoa.

Okay then, let’s do this.

On three; one…two…three!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaK4z3Fjpkk

Yep, still just as unsettling as the first time I saw it.

But no time to waste! I have to close this thing. Now!

First spell!

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Nope.

Second spell!

.

Dang it.

Third spell!

.

---

*HEAVY PANTING*

Okay…none of the spells…are working. Maybe an…incantation will do the trick.

Let’s see here.

.

Ah, this one looks good.

By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth, I command thee to close!

.

Shoot.

How about…

Hen syndrorro, oños! Hen ñuqir, perzys!

.

Come on.

Maybe…

Klaatu barada nikto!

.

Uh, d-did the stargate just get…b-bigger?

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

.

Um…By the power of Greyskull?

.

Um…Cthulhu fhtagn?

.

Um…um…W-Woozle wuzzle?

.

WAAAH!

It’s pulling me in! It’s pulling me in!

I..I can’t fight it much longer! If this really is the end, I just want to say to all of you watching that I –

YAAAAAAHHHH!

---

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.

.

Ohhh, my head. My aching head.

.

Am I…I am still alive? I mean I think I am, but I’m not sure. Though one thing I do know for sure is that I’m not in Equestria anymore. I’ve never seen a forest like this one before. Nor have I seen it in Sunset Shimmer’s world either.

Wherever it is I am, it’s completely new to me.

It’s strange but this place seems…familiar somehow. Like I’ve seen it somewhere before, though from where I can’t quite recall.

.

Wait, did you hear that just now? It sounded like voices. Coming from…over there I think.

Let’s check it out.

.

.

.

I think I see a castle up ahead.

.

Hold on. I…I know that castle. Is that…?

No. No, it can’t be.

.

.

That voice just now….

.

Luz Noceda?!

Okay, I know where it is I am now.

Author's Notes:

Twilight's about to make some new friends.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Writing a Novel

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Before I get started with today’s episode, I want to apologize to all of you for not posting a video for a while. I’ve been…away. And while I was away it was difficult for me to find the time needed to do any episodes. But now I’m back and ready to go!

So let’s get this episode started!

Today, I’m going to be doing something that I’ve been wanting to try for a while. In fact, it’s something that I’ve had on my bucket list ever since I was a young filly.

What I’m going to try today is…writing a novel!

Hehe!

.

Ahem, sorry.

So like I said, this is something that I’ve been wanting to try doing since I was very little. I’m sure all of you know that I love books and greatly enjoy reading them, especially ones about things like history or magic. Or the history of magic!

I really love those ones.

But few ponies know that I enjoy novels just as much as non-fiction books. As much as I enjoy reading books that teach me new things, I do need a break from them sometimes. And rather than taking a break from reading I simply decide to read a novel or two instead. Thus ensuring that I am always reading something.

Always!

.

.

That’s not true, Spike! I don’t have a fear that if I stop reading for a few days then I’ll stop reading entirely!

I don’t.

Anywhoo, when I was younger I told myself that one day I would write a novel of my very own and have it published for everypony to read.

Now you may be wondering why it is I haven’t tried writing a novel until now. Well it wasn’t because I didn’t feel that I could write a novel if that’s what you’re thinking. No, it was because I wasn’t sure that I could get it published. I mean, have you ever gone through the process of trying to have a company publish a book you wrote? It’s excruciating!

At least according to my dad.

That’s why when I decided to release the friendship journal my friends and I wrote I self-published it.

.

.

Yes, Starlight, with your help! I remember!

But I don’t want to self-publish my novel like I did the friendship journal. Call me crazy, but I want to go through the entire process that comes with writing a novel. The actual writing of the novel, trying to get it published, celebrating when it finally does get published, going to readings and signings to promote the novel - you know, the whole shebang. It might very well be excruciating like I’ve been led to believe, but I feel that the end results will be more satisfying than if I were to skip a step or two of the process.

And honestly, I don’t think I’m going to have any problems getting my novel published now that I’m a princess. After all, Princess Celestia said that she didn’t have any problems finding companies who were willing to publish her book, The Naked Sun.

Though she did also say that, for some strange reason, a number of those companies rescinded their offers when they found out it was going to be a memoir.

Anyways, this episode will only cover the actual writing of the novel. And only a little bit of it at that, because I don’t even want to think about how long this episode would be if it covered all the things I just described.

But enough chit-chat, let’s get writing!

.

Okay. Chapter One.

Hmm. Maybe I should start with a prologue first instead. Yeah, I definitely like the sound of that.

Alright then. Prologue.

.

.

Oh geez.

Hello, Trixie. What do you want?

.

.

Okay, fine, I’ll help you with that. But let’s make this quick, okay? I really want to get started on my novel.

.

.

Yes, I’m writing a novel. It’s about –

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.

No, Trixie. It’s not about a pony from a small village who becomes the greatest and powerfulest magician in all of Equestria.

I’m pretty sure ‘powerfulest’ isn’t even a word, by the way.

.

.

Okay, well, thank you for your, um…suggestion. But I think I’m just going to stick to my original idea of writing about a –

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.

Starlight?

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*SIGH*

Well thank you for your suggestion to write about a pony who’s falsely imprisoned, breaks out of prison, and then seeks revenge on those who falsely imprisoned her. But I really just want to write about –

.

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Rainbow Dash?!

What are you doing here?

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.

Oh sweet Celestia, does everypony in Ponyville know that I’m writing a novel and want to give me their two cents?

.

.

You think I should write about an awesome pegasus who’s the best flyer ever and becomes the captain of the Wonderbolts?

Um, isn’t that the plot of the novel you were supposedly writing?

.

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Fluttershy?

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No, Fluttershy, my novel isn’t going to be about a world where animals rise up and fight for a society where they’re considered equal to ponies.

Frankly I’m a little concerned as to how you came up with that idea. And if Starlight was involved at all.

.

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Rarity?

.

.

No, Rarity, I’m not writing a novel about Shadow Spade.

I’m pretty sure Shadow Spade is protected under copyright law and if I were to publish an unauthorized novel featuring her I would be forced to pay a hefty fee. Plus I’d possibly be looking at some jail time too.

I can’t survive in jail.

.

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Sunset Shimmer?!

When did you - ? How long have you – ?

.

.

No, Sunset. I’m not writing a novel about a mare who falls in love with a vampire. In fact, I’m not writing about vampires, period.

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Pinkie?

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You think my novel should be about a pony who gets transformed into a giant cockroach?

O-kay. I’m not even going to ask where it is that idea came from.

.

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No, Lyra, I’m not writing a novel about a pony who gets transformed into a human either.

.

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All right, enough!

Look, I appreciate everypony’s suggestions and whatnot regarding my novel. But if I’m ever going to get any writing done I need to be alone without all of this noise, so I’m going to have to kindly ask all of you to leave.

.

Thank you.

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Phew.

That got a little intense there. But now that everypony is gone I think I can finally –

.

.

AH!

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Spike?

What are you still doing here? I asked everypony to leave.

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Yes I know you’re not a pony but…ugh, never mind. Just…go ahead and tell me what you think my novel should be about like everypony else.

.

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Oh, you just wanted to ask me what it was I was planning on writing about?

Aww, well thank you, Spike.

Well, my novel is going to be about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I’m thinking of calling it, Billy and the Cloneasaurus.

Pretty neat, huh?!

.

.

It’s…It’s been done already?

Oh.

.

*SIGH*

Well, I guess that means I have to go back to the drawing board for novel ideas then. So I guess I’ll end this episode here since I’m clearly not going to be doing any writing today.

As always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

I can’t believe somepony already wrote a novel about a dinosaur amusement park.

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Sensha-dō

Come on, Rainbow, just tell me where you got this thing.

.

.

Yes I know you already said that you ‘found it lying around town’ but I’m just having a hard time believing that. I mean, it’s not like if I go down to Sugarcube Corner right now I’ll just find one of these things ‘lying around’ on the way there.

Also, how did you even get it all the way to the castle?

.

.

You drove it?! How the hay do you know how to drive something like this?!

.

.

Don’t try and change the subject. I want to know how it is you learned how to drive this ta – Wait, what was that about my camera?

.

Oh shoot, it is recording.

Ahem.

.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So today’s episode is going to be, well…I’m not really sure how to describe it. I suppose strange would probably be a good a word as any to use given the circumstances, but even strange doesn’t seem appropriate enough.

.

.

No, Rainbow, awesome doesn’t seem appropriate either.

*SIGH*

Let me explain.

See, yesterday Rainbow Dash here showed up at my door with this…this thing and said that she found it while she was flying around Ponyville. I had no idea what it was, and given how odd it seemed I decided to bring it to Princess Celestia’s attention. When she got here the Princess told us that it’s something called a tank – specifically a Panzer IV - and that many, many moons ago they were used to compete in a sport called Sensha-doo.

Wait, I don’t think I pronounced that correctly.

Sensha-deux.

.

Shensha-d’oh

.

Shensha – Okay, you know what? We’re just going to call it tankery because that was another name for it and that’s easier for me to pronounce than Sensha - whatever.

Anywhoo, tankery was a team sport where ponies would use these tanks to simulate a sort of warfare and try to destroy one another. Not literally though, figuratively. All of the tanks had various systems designed with safety in mind. When a tank would get hit enough to the point it could no longer operate it would become disabled and a white flag would pop-up out of it to indicate it’s inoperability to the other teams. So all-in-all it was supposedly a pretty safe sport.

Keyword, supposedly.

Anyways, Princess Celestia went on to say that tankery was actually a pretty popular sport in Equestria when it was around. And when you really think about it I suppose it’s easy to see why. It was a team sport that earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns could all participate in fairly equally because it relies on machinery instead of physical attributes, so having things like wings or magic didn’t yield much of an advantage.

Now at this point you might be wondering why it is that tankery went away if it was so popular. Well, Princess Celestia said the reason for that is that she had to outlaw it after a couple of ponies tried to use the tanks as actual weapons of war.

Gee, who could’ve possibly seen something like that ever happening?

Anyways, after tankery was outlawed all of the tanks in Equestria were supposed to have been shut down and dismantled. But since Rainbow Dash found this tank ‘lying around town’ that clearly doesn’t seem to have been the case.

So now as you can see I have a tank ‘lying around’ my front lawn being a great big eyesore. A tank that Rainbow is refusing to move until I agree to participate in some tankery with her. And since I can’t simply teleport the tank somewhere else I don’t really have any other choice.

Stupid magic-proof metal.

Oh, I should mention that it’s not just going to be Rainbow Dash and myself doing this though. From what research I was able to dig up on tankery I was able to learn that a Panzer IV tank typically needed five ponies to operate it. One to drive the tank, one to operate the radio, one to load the cannon, one to fire the cannon, and one to act as the tank’s commander. So naturally at first it seemed like we were going to need to find three other ponies to do this with us, but in actuality we only needed to find one.

See we’re not going to need a radio operator or a commander since we’re not going to be able to have an actual tankery match on account of the fact that we only have one tank. That, and Princess Celestia said she wouldn’t allow us to have an actual match even if we did have another tank because tankery is still illegal.

So anyways, the other pony who will be joining Rainbow and I today will be Trixie. Because of all the ponies we asked to join us she was the only one who said yes.

For some reason.

.

.

*SIGH*

Yes, Trixie, I’m sure getting tankery experience will make you even greater and more powerful.

I’m not quite sure why you think that, but whatever.

But back to the matter at hoof, since we can’t have an actual tankery match we’re just going to drive the tank around a bit and shoot at those targets waaaay over there.

.

.

Well it’s the best we can do, Rainbow!

.

.

Okay, okay, Trixie. You can operate the cannon if you want to. Rainbow, you can drive since you apparently already know how. Which means I’ll be loading the cannon then.

All right, we’re all set. Now let’s get this over with.

---

Geez Louise there’s not a lot of room in this tank. I feel like a sardine right now.

.

.

Just be patient, Trixie. You’ll get to fire the cannon soon enough.

If Rainbow Dash can stop driving long enough that is.

.

.

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Hey, Rainbow. How about we stop for moment? I’m starting to get tanksick and Trixie really wants to fire the cannon.

.

.

Thank you.

.

.

Keep your socks on, Trixie. I’ll load a shell for you in just a second.

I wasn’t joking about feeling tanksick you know.

.

Oh sweet Celestia these shells are heavy!

*GRUNT*

.

Okay…it’s loaded.

*HEAVY BREATHING*

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to pop my head out the top of the tank for some air.

.

Phew.

I tell ya, it really is amazing how quickly it becomes stuffy in this thing. I don’t know how in Equestria ponies used to ride around in these things for matches that could last for hours and – WAH!

Rainbow! Warn a pony before you decide to start moving the tank again!

.

.

Oh for –

Calm down, Trixie! There’s no need to call Rainbow Dash names like that!

And Rainbow, will you please stop driving for more than five seconds so Trixie can fire the cannon already!

.

.

Thank you!

All right, Trixie. You can finally fire the can –

Hold on, is that…?

.

Oh no.

TRIXIE, WAIT! DON’T FIRE THE CANNON! IT’S POINTED RIGHT AT THE –

*BOOM*

.

.

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Trixie. You know you just blew up part of my castle, right?

.

.

Good.

Now then, how about you and Rainbow Dash get out of the tank before you two manage to blow up any more of my castle, hmm?

.

.

Thank you.

---

You know what, girls? I’m not even upset with the two of you. Do you know why?

.

.

No, Trixie. It’s not because I wanted to remodeled the castle and you inadvertently helped with the demolition. It’s because neither of you are to blame for this.

I’m the one at fault here.

I should’ve seen this coming. I mean, I really should’ve seen this coming. There were so many red flags that something like this was going to happen if we got in that tank. So…many…flags. And I just ignored them all. Why? I haven’t the slightest idea. But I did, and so I’m to blame for what just happened to my castle.

But let me tell you, I’m going to make sure what just happened never happens again. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to quickly figure out how to drive this tank. And once I’ve done that I’m then going to drive it into the Everfree Forest, find a very tall cliff, and proceed to send it hurtling right off of that very tall cliff.

.

.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

I know you want to keep the tank, Rainbow. But let me explain why it is I need to drive it off of a very tall cliff. See, if I do that it will allow me to take my frustration out on the tank instead of on you and Trixie.

.

.

WELL I LIED! I’M VERY UPSET! THERE’S A GIANT HOLE IN THE SIDE OF MY CASTLE NOW BECAUSE OF YOU TWO!

*DEEP BREATHING*

Calm down, Twilight.

.

So who do you want me to take my anger out on, Rainbow; You and Trixie, or the tank?

.

.

No, just Trixie isn’t an option.

.

.

The tank, huh? Good choice.

.

Well, everypony, I think that just about does it for this episode. So as always thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on a hopefully tank-free episode of Twilight Tries.

Honestly, who even came up with such a ridiculous sport like tankery anyways?

Author's Notes:

This chapter brought to you by my re-watching Girls und Panzer for about the twelfth time.
(I relate to Mako way too much )

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Finding Trixie a New Wagon

Hmm, maybe this one.

.

No, this one looks too small.

Maybe the one next to it.

.

No, this one is too expensive.

Hmm, maybe that one over there.

.

Yikes.

N-No, not this one either. Upon closer inspection it just looks…weird.

.

.

Huh?

Spike? What are you doing here? And why are you carrying the camera?

.

.

You want me to make an episode of Twilight Tries out of this?

Spike, I hardly think this would make for a very interesting episode of my vlog.

.

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Yes, I know I haven’t done an episode in a while but –

.

.

Come on, Spike, we both know the reason isn’t because it’s been a while since I did an episode. I’ve had longer gaps between episodes than this.

Look, just be honest and tell me what your real reason for wanting to record this is. I promise I won’t laugh or be judgmental in any way.

.

.

Ah, so that’s it.

Well I guess I can see why you think that that would make this a good episode.

.

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Yes, yes, we’ll do it. Keep your scales on.

Ahem.

.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So today’s episode is kind of an impromptu one, because frankly when I decided to do this I didn’t consider it to be very noteworthy, let alone vlogworthy. But the argument Spike made for why this might be a good episode was pretty convincing, so here we are.

And where is here exactly? Well, this is the Ponyville Wagon Emporium, and today I’m here to try to…find Trixie a new wagon!

So why am I trying to find Trixie a new wagon, you may ask? Well it’s simple; it’s because she needs to move out of my castle already!

.

.

Yes I know I said that very strongly, Spike, but I just really feel it’s time for Trixie to move out of the castle. She’s been staying with us for a long time now and I think it’s starting to wear on her a bit. I mean, have you noticed how she just loafs around the castle most days reading comic books and watching cat videos? I’m getting worried that not being on the road with her magic show is starting to make her feel depressed.

That, and I'm just a teeny-tiny bit worried that if she stays here much longer she's going to end up destroying the castle inadvertently.

Between the ghostbusting and tankery incidents she's already come pretty close to that.

.

.

*SIGH*

I get that you like the cocoa Trixie makes for us sometimes, Spike, but it’s time for her to leave. For her own sake.

And the castle’s too.

Oh, and before you ask why I have to be one to buy her a new wagon, it’s because I know Trixie doesn’t have the bits to buy one herself. Every now and then she randomly brings up how she doesn’t have much money these days and that that’s why she can’t afford to pay me any rent.

Which I don’t get because I’ve never once asked her to pay any rent.

Anywhoo, everypony, that’s why I’m here at the Ponyville Wagon Emporium today. I’m trying to find Trixie a new wagon, and also trying to keep my sanity in the process. Because as I’m quickly learning, wagon-shopping is an absolute nightmare. I mean, I’ve been here for half an hour now and I haven’t found a single wagon that looks like it might be a suitable replacement for Trixie’s old one.

.

.

I know, Spike. I thought that a wagon was just a wagon too, but apparently things like how many harnesses it has and what type of wood the wheels are made of make a real difference.

At least as far as the price is concerned.

.

.

Good thinking, Spike. Let’s see if we can find a salespony who might be able to help us.

.

Ah, there’s one.

Excuse me, ma’am! We’re looking for a wagon and –

.

.

Oh, um, I already looked at that one and unfortunately the price is over my budget.

.

.

Y-Yes I’m sure the western red cedar is well worth the cost, but I’m just not willing to spend that many bits on –

.

.

Um, no, I’m not interested in that one either.

.

.

No it’s not an issue of how much ponypower it has. It’s an issue of size.

What even is ponypower?

.

.

*SIGH*

No, I don’t want this one eith - wait. Did you say that this model is called the…Thundercougarfalconbird?

That’s a very strange name for a wagon.

Well regardless, I’m not interested in this one either. It’s a little too…outlandish.

.

.

W-What?! How would not having this wagon make ponies question my sexual orientation?! That doesn’t make any sense!

Okay, you know what, I’ll just take that light purple one over there.

.

.

Yes I’m sure I don’t want the Thundercougarfalconbird! Just…the light purple one, please.

.

.

All right, I’ll be up to sign the paperwork shortly.

Thank you.

.

Yeesh. That was unpleasant.

.

.

You said it, Spike. That is the last time we ask a salespony for help when we go wagon-shopping.

Not that I ever see us needing to go wagon-shopping again, but still.

Welp, I better go sign the paperwork so we can get out of here.

.

.

.

Okay, so how many papers do I need to –

.

.

Oh for-

No, I don’t need any undercoating!

---

Well that was a lot more hectic and frustrating than I thought it would be.

.

.

Don’t blame yourself for that, Spike. You didn’t know how pushy the salespony was going to be when you suggested we find one.

Besides, it wasn’t just the salespony that made that whole thing so exasperating. It was the fact that there was so much difficulty in just trying to find a wagon that was similar to the one Trixie used to have.

Seriously, how in Equestria are there so many different makes and models of wagons out there?

.

.

I admit I chose this one primarily to get away from that crazy salespony, yes. But I also chose it because it did seem to be at least a bit similar to Trixie’s old wagon.

.

.

Well I mean the general shape and size seems similar enough. And in the end that’s what matters most, right?

R-Right?

.

.

.

Phew.

We’re finally home.

.

.

Okay, okay, Spike. You can go get Trixie and bring her outside to see the new wagon. I’ll wait out here.

.

.

Oh, yeah. I’ll take the camera so I can capture her reaction.

.

All right, ready. Go get Trixie.

.

.

.

This wagon is fine, I know it is. I mean, even if it’s not completely similar to Trixie’s old one it still looks like a very serviceable wagon.

.

.

.

Oh, here she comes.

.

SURPRISE, TRIXIE!

Spike and I went out and got you a new wagon to replace the one you lost! Now you can go back to doing magic shows all over Equestria!

And move out of my castle.

.

Um, Trixie? Are you okay? You don’t seem very excited or happy right now.

Is it because of the wagon we got? I swear, we really tried to get you one that was similar to your old wagon, but there were just so many different kinds at the Emporium that we –

.

.

What?

No, no, no! This doesn’t mean that I’m kicking you out of the castle!

.

.

Oh dear, she’s starting to cry. And I don’t think those are tears of joy.

P-Please don’t cry, Trixie. I didn’t mean to imply that I don’t enjoy having you as a castlemate. That’s not how I feel at all.

.

.

Y-Yeah, of course I mean it. Having you around here has made things, um…more interesting.

I just thought that, you know, you were getting a little depressed hanging around the castle all the time instead of being on the road with your magic act. So I thought I’d help you out by getting you a new wagon so that you can go back to doing what you love.

.

.

Oof.

Okay then, we’re…hugging now.

Y-You’re welcome…Trixie. Now can you please…let go of me so that I can…breathe?

.

*HEAVY BREATHING*

Thank…you.

.

.

Well I’m glad you like your new wagon, Trixie. And we’ll certainly miss you too. But you know, you can stay with us whenever you find yourself back in Ponyville.

.

.

Oof.

More…hugging.

Um, Trixie, I enjoy hugs as much as the next pony… but can you maybe work on not hugging so…tightly?

.

*HEAVY BREATHING*

Thank…you.

.

.

You don’t have to get going right this minute, Trixie. But if you want to start packing your things up Spike and I can help you if you’d like.

.

.

Okay, we’ll be right behind you.

.

Well, Spike, Trixie didn’t get super excited like you thought she would, but I still think this turned out to be a good episode regardless. And I guess this is as good a place as any to end it.

So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

Hey, I was not lying when I said those things, Spike. When I told Trixie that I was concerned about her getting a little depressed I meant it. And I meant it when I said that having her around made things more interesting too.

I just didn’t specify whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

.

.

*SIGH*

Yes, Spike, I meant that too.

As hard as it is for me to admit, I will miss having Trixie around.

Probably.

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Foundation Repair

…This is fine, everything’s just fine. I’m totally okay with being down here.

.

.

O-Oh, you, um, heard all that, huh, Spike?

.

.

Well, yes, I did seal off the door down here that had the stargate behind it. But even still, I’m not a big fan of being down in the basement. It’s cold, it’s damp, and for all we know there could be something down here that came through the stargate before I sealed it off! Like a dinosaur, or a shoggoth! Or a killer quesadilla!

.

.

Oh when does a pony ever get over a fear completely, Spike?

And another thing, I don’t think it’s entirely impossible for there to be killer quesadilla’s out there somewh –

Hold on a second.

.

Uh, Spike, how long has the camera been recording?

.

.

What?! You didn’t know it was on?!

*SIGH*

.

.

No, I’m not mad at you, Spike. It’s just…we really need to get better at using the camera is all. This kind of thing keeps happening way too often.

Welp, I might as well do my intro now.

Ahem.

.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So since the camera has apparently been recording for a while now, you’ve no doubt noticed that I’m once again doing an episode of my vlog from my castle’s basement. And no, I’m not down here to deal with that stargate again. In case you didn’t hear me say this earlier, I’ve magically sealed the door leading to it. So hopefully that means we won’t have to deal with the stargate ever again.

Hopefully.

But getting back to why it is I’m in the basement right now. The reason I’m down here is because of, well…let me just show you.

.

There we are.

So as you can see, there are a bunch of cracks in the foundation of my castle. And not just little cracks either, they’re pretty big cracks.

.

.

Really, Spike? You’re going to start resorting to that kind of humor?

Oy vey.

Anywhoo, you may be wondering how it is that these cracks even ended up here. Well, if you remember a while back I did an episode where I tried Sensha-doo…I mean, Sensha-deux…Shensha – ugh! Tankery! I tried tankery!

.

Ahem.

S-Sorry about that.

So anyways, when I tried tankery you might recall that it ended with a giant hole being blown in the side of my castle by a certain pony who won’t be named.

.

.

What?

No, Spike, Rainbow Dash wasn’t the one who fired the canon and blew the hole in the wall. That was Trixie, remember?

Ah geez, I named her after just saying that I wouldn’t.

*SIGH*

It’s too hot today.

But getting back to the hole in my castle, I was able to fix that with a pretty advanced spell and a little bit of help from Starlight. Thing is though, we found out later that there was more damage to the castle than just the hole. And I’m guessing you can figure out what damage I’m referring to.

Now initially I thought I could just use magic to fix the foundation like I did with the wall, but as it turns out I can’t. Well, that’s not entirely true. I can use magic to fix a foundation, but the spell to do so is extremely difficult. Not to mention that if I didn’t do it correctly I could end up making the problem much, much worse. So rather than risk damaging the foundation further, I’ve decided to fix the foundation by hoof.

So, yeah, that’s what I’m trying in this episode. I’m trying foundation repair.

Hooray!

.

.

For the last time, Spike, I’m not hiring a contractor. I’m fully capable of doing this myself.

.

.

Yes, I know I don’t have any experience doing this kind of work, but with this book that I got from the Canterlot Library on foundation repair I should be fine.

See? ‘The Earth Pony Approach To Foundation Repair’. All I have to do is follow the instructions in this book and everything should go easy-peasy.

So let’s get started and see what it is we need to do first.

.

Hmm. Looks like we need to patch the cracks in the slab using a latex patching compound and a patching trowel.

Pfft.

What did I say? Totally easy-peasy.

Okay, I’ve got the patching compound all ready to go, so all we need is the patching trowel?

Spike, can you please go get my patching trowel?

.

.

Wait, we don’t have a patching trowl?

Are you sure? I could’ve sworn I saw one once in that closet where we keep all of our tools.

.

.

Okay, well, I guess we’ll just have to make a quick run to the hardware store and pick one up then.

Be right back, everypony.

---

Phew. We’re finally back.

So sorry about that delay, everypony. It took us a little longer than expected to find a patching trowel.

.

.

Well how was I supposed to know they wouldn’t be with the gardening trowels, Spike?! I mean, wouldn’t you think that all the trowels would be in one place?

.

.

Look, it doesn’t matter now. What matters is that we now have a patching trowel and can therefore start patching the cracks!

.

.

Again with that kind of humor, Spike?

.

.

.

Okay, all patched up. What’s next?

.

What the - ?

H-Hey, Spike, do you know if we have extruded polyvinyl foam insulation?

.

.

Yeah, I’m not really sure what that is either.

I mean, the castle is made of rock and was magically constructed by the Tree of Harmony, so I don’t think that we have anything like that. But just to be on the safe side we should probably assume that we do have extruded polyvinyl foam insulation, don’t you think?

.

.

Okay, so since we’re assuming we do have extruded polyvinyl foam insulation, the next thing we have to do is…assemble the aluminum J-channelusing self-furring screws?

What the hay are either of those things?

.

.

Yeah, it looks like we have to go back to the hardware store, Spike.

Be right back again, everypony.

---

Sweet Celestia, that hardware store is a nightmare.

Sorry for that second delay, everypony. Spike and I managed to find what we were looking for pretty quickly this time, but we ran into a bit of a problem picking out the right ones. They had about a dozen different kinds of aluminum J-channels and about two dozen different kinds of self-furring screws, so it took us a while to find the exact ones needed for this repair.

So…many…screws.

But now that we’ve got this stuff, let’s get to work assembling it all.

.

.

.

Phew.

Okay, next step.

.

Apply brushablecoating for the panels?! I…what?! What panels?! The panels with the aluminum J-channels?! It doesn’t say what panels?!

Ugh!

.

.

Well regardless of whichever panels this is referring to, Spike, we need to go get some brushable coating.

.

.

Yep, back to the hardware store.

Be right back, everypony. Again.

.

.

Well it’s not my fault that the book doesn’t have a page with a list of all the materials we need, Spike!

---

All right, we got the brushable coating.

Well, a brushable coating at least.

Now just give me a few minutes to read ahead and see if we can find out what panels we’re supposed to apply this stuff to.

.

.

.

*SIGH*

I’m not finding anything more on panels here. Right after the section about brushable coating it just goes into this stuff called corrosion-resistant metal stucco lath.

.

.

Yeah, I don’t know what that is either, Spike. And honestly, my brain is starting to feel a bit weird right now because of that.

I’m not used to not knowing things.

.

.

Unfortunately, yes. This means we need to go back to the hardware store. Again!

.

Oh, hold on a minute, Spike! It says here we might not need corrosion-resistant metal stucco lath!

.

.

Yeah! It says that if we don’t have corrosion-resistant metal stucco lath we can…use…carbon-fiber stucco lath instead.

.

Okay, we’re done here, Spike.

.

.

Yes I know the foundation isn’t repaired yet, but I’m capitulating. Doing foundation repair by hoof is incredibly confusing, frustrating, and not at all easy-peasy.

.

.

No, I’m still not comfortable with trying to use magic to fix this problem. Let’s just go ahead and hire a contractor.

.

.

Oh, good idea, Spike. Maybe Applejack knows a thing or two about foundation repair and can help us.

I’d certainly feel better asking her for help instead of a random contractor.

.

.

Yeah, let’s go see her right now.

Well, everypony, I think that’ll do it for this episode. So as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

What the - ?

What’s this stuff all over the basement floor? I don’t remember seeing any of this earlier.

.

Hold on.

*SNIFF*

Is this…c-cheese?

H-Hey, Spike. You, um, didn’t happen to bring a cheeseburger or some nachos down here by any chance, did you?

.

.

N-No?

Oh dear.

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Catching a Killer Quesadilla

All right, everypony, we all know why it is we’re here today, right?

.

.

No, Spike, we’re not here to get ready for Power Pony Palooza next weekend.

I already told you we’re not going to that.

.

.

No, Starlight, we’re not here to humor my delusions either!

.

.

*SIGH*

For the hundredth time, Pinkie, we’re not here to throw a party.

.

.

Okay, okay. Maybe we can throw a party when we’re done with this.

If we survive that is.

.

.

What was that, Spike? The camera is on?

.

Oh for –

I swear, the record button on this thing must be broken or something.

Ahem.

.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to a very special episode of Twilight Tries!

What makes this episode so very special you may ask? Well, today we’re going to definitively prove something that I’ve known to be true for a long time. Something that other ponies have told me numerous times wasn’t true. Something that, on occasion, other ponies have even mocked and ridiculed me for believing to be true.

Today, we’re going to prove, once and for all, that killer quesadillas are real by catching the one that’s down in my basement!

.

.

Killer quesadillas are real, Starlight! I know that they were monsters in an old B-grade horror movie but that doesn’t mean that they don’t actually exist.

.

.

Hey, the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. Just because you don't have evidence that something exists doesn’t mean that you have evidence of said something not existing.

.

.

Well regardless of your personal philosophical beliefs, Starlight, I do have evidence that a killer quesadilla is down in the basement.

You remember all that cheese I found along the floor down there after Spike and I tried to repair the castle’s foundation? If I didn’t cause that, and neither did you or Spike, then the only logical explanation is that it was caused by a killer quesadilla that came through the stargate before I closed it.

.

.

Ha ha, very funny, Starlight. But comments like that aren’t why my other friends didn’t come. They were all just busy today.

Well, all except for Pinkie of course.

.

.

Hmm?

Oh, no, I doubt that, Spike. I don’t think it’s likely that the cheese ended up there because Trixie is secretly living in the basement again.

Though I will admit that Trixie being somehow involved isn’t outside the realm of possibility.

.

.

Ah, excellent question, Pinkie.

After we catch the killer quesadilla we’re going to turn it over to the Canterlot Institute of Magical Sciences for study.

.

.

Wait. You want to…keep it as a pet?

Pinkie, you can’t keep a killer quesadilla as a pet.

.

.

Because it’s a killer quesadilla! It’ll eat you and everypony you love, just like in Attack of the Killer Quesadillas!

.

.

Yes I know I’m twilighting right now, Starlight, but that’s because twilighting is the only appropriate reaction to all of this! I mean, if this killer quesadilla is really as dangerous as the ones in the movie were then we should all be twilighting right now!

*HEAVY BEATHING*

.

.

You’re right, Spike, I need to calm down. There’s no need for me to be twilighting so hard - yet.

Based on the size of the cheese trail I saw it would appear that the killer quesadilla in the basement shouldn’t be much larger than a run-of-the-mill, non-killer quesadilla. However, if we don’t catch it soon it could potentially grow bigger and eventually end up the size of a house! And if that happens we could very well be looking at the extinction of ponykind as we know it!

.

.

Look, we can discuss my sanity later, Starlight. For now let’s just all go down to the basement and catch this killer quesadilla before it gets too big.

If it hasn’t already.

Follow me, everypony!

.

They all think I’m crazy, but they’ll see. Soon they’ll all see that I’m right about those cheesy monsters being real.

.

.

I can hear all of you whispering back there!

And don’t even think about sending a scroll to Princess Celestia, Spike!

.

All right, we’re here.

Now be ready, everypony. For all we know that killer quesadilla could be right on the other side of this door waiting to strike.

On three. One…two…three!

.

Okay, thankfully it wasn’t on the other side of the door. But we can’t let our guard down.

Everypony tread carefully, quietly, and keep an eye out for any fresh cheese trails.

.

.

.

Nothing so far.

.

Geez, it’s hard to see much down here with just my magic alone.

Starlight, can you please come up here and help me light the way?

.

Starlight?

.

She’s gone! The killer quesadilla must have gotten her!

Starlight, I swear I will avenge you!

.

.

Wait. You’re saying she just left, Spike?

Well as long as she wasn’t eaten I suppose that’s the important thing.

Though that pony is going to get a very long friendship lesson about not abandoning your friends when this is all over with, I can tell you that.

Let’s just keep moving, everypony.

.

.

.

Still nothing.

Maybe the killer quesadilla got out of the basement already?

.

.

Ah, good eye, Pinkie. That is most definitely a cheese trail, and a fresh one too from the looks of it.

Let’s see where it leads.

.

.

.

*CREAK*

Did you hear that? It sounds like the killer quesadilla is right around this corner.

Okay, everypony, on three we jump out around the corner and catch it.

Ready? One…two…three!

KYAHHH!

.

We got it! We got it!

.

Huh?

DISCORD?!

What the hay are you doing in my basement?!

.

.

You’re…getting rid of your trash?

.

.

Yes I see that you have a trash bag – that’s…dripping with cheese - but why are you getting rid of it in my basement?!

.

.

You’ve been using the stargate as an interdimensional waste disposal system?! Are you serious?!

Wait. Were you the one who put the stargate down here, Discord?

.

.

*DEEP BREATH*

I see.

Now let me ask you: why did you have to put the stargate in my basement of all places?!

.

.

Oh.

All right, I’ll admit that that’s actually a pretty good reason.

Even still though, I already sealed the stargate and I'm telling you right now you’re not allowed to put another one down here or anywhere else in my castle. So I’m sorry but you’re just going to have to find another place to dispose of your trash.

.

.

I heard that, Discord! Don’t even think about doing anything to either Cadance or Celestia and Luna’s castles!

.

And he’s gone.

.

W-Well, I guess there wasn’t a killer quesadilla after all. It was just Discord getting rid of his trash bags this whole time.

So, um, sorry for dragging you down here, Spike, Pinkie. Aaand sorry for going a little overboard on the twilighting too.

Hehe.

.

.

Okay, for going a lot overboard on the twilighting, Spike.

But tell you what, how about I make it up to you by taking you to Power Pony Palooza next weekend?

.

.

All right all right, Pinkie. I’ll let you throw a ‘It was Discord the whole time’ party to make it up to you.

Not sure why we have to call it that, but whatever.

Now let’s just all go back upstairs.

.

*SIGH*

Well, everypony, I suppose this did turn out to be a very special episode of Twilight Tries, just not in the way I’d expected. I didn’t catch a killer quesadilla and prove that they’re real, but I learned something interesting myself.

I learned that, despite my fear of killer quesadillas, deep down I think I secretly want them to be real.

I know that sounds weird, but here me out. As you could probably tell right from the start of this episode, I was, shall we say, overly excited about the prospect of a killer quesadilla being in my basement. Overly anxious mostly, but undeniably overly excited as well. And I think the reason for that excitement was that I thought I was going to be proven right about killer quesadillas being real. That my belief was finally going to be validated after years of ridicule, even if the cost of that validity was potentially untold ruin.

Boy, the inner-workings of the pony mind can be a truly bizarre and freighting thing sometimes.

But before I get too deep into this psychological introspective I think I’m going to end the episode here. So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

You know, I can’t help but wonder why there was so much cheese in Discord’s trash bags.

.

On second thought, given that it’s Discord we’re talking about I’m not sure I want to know.

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Hosting a Game Show

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries! And welcome as well to the first of what I’m hoping will be many episodes of a new show that I’m planning on hosting!

What kind of new show am I going to host, you may ask? Well, the show I’m going to host is…a game show!

*SQUEE*

.

Hehe.

Sorry if I seem a bit overzealous right now, but I’m just really excited to be doing this game show. After I learned about it on my last visit to Sunset Shimmer’s world I just couldn’t resist the opportunity to bring it back to Equestria with me and share it with all of you.

But I feel like I’m getting a little ahead of myself, so allow me to explain.

As I just mentioned, I recently paid a visit to Sunset Shimmer’s world to hang out with her and all of my Canterlot High friends. All of us ended up doing a lot of fun and interesting things together while I was there, but the biggest highlight of the trip for me was on the last night when it was just Sunset and I. We sat down on her couch together to watch some TV to help us unwind after the busy day we’d both had, and that was when I discovered it; a wonderful game show dedicated to promoting and rewarding knowledge called Jeopardy!

*SQUEE*

Even just saying the name fills me with glee!

.

Hehe.

Sorry about that…again.

Anywhoo, Jeopardy! is a game in which three contestants are quizzed on general knowledge through clues. Now I know that that sounds a lot like Trivia Trot or any other regular old quiz-based game, but there’s a very interesting aspect to Jeopardy!; the clues are presented in the form of answers and the contestants have to phrase their responses in the form of a question such as ‘What is…’ or ‘Who is…’. So for example, a clue could be, ‘This unicorn carries the title, “Father of the amniomorphic spell”’, and the correct response would be, ‘Who is Starswirl the Bearded’.

I mean I know that’s way too obvious to be an actual clue, but you get the idea.

So now that I’ve explained how the game works, let’s meet the three ponies who’ll be our contestants today.

Our first contestant runs an animal sanctuary and is originally from Cloudsdale; Fluttershy!

.

.

Well thank you for accepting the invitation, Fluttershy.

Our second contestant helps run Sweet Apple Acres with her family and is a Ponyville-native; Applejack!

.

.

Glad to hear you’re excited to play, AJ.

Our third and final contestant is a Wonderbolt and also originally hails from Cloudsdale; Rainbow Dash!

.

.

Y-Yes, well, I’m sure that you’ll give Applejack a run for her bits in this game, Rainbow.

.

.

Um, y-yeah, I’m sure that you’ll give Rainbow just as big a run for her bits as well, Applejack.

Oh boy, I may have made a mistake asking both Rainbow and AJ to play. I forgot just how competitive these two can get with one another.

.

.

Aaand they’re giving each other the angry eyes before we’ve even started playing. Super.

All right, everypony, let’s get this game underway, shall we? If you’ll all look over here you’ll see the game board with our six categories for today. And the categories are:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gD50cT_bZhQ

‘Potent Potables’.

.

‘Nightmare Night Frights’.

.

‘The “Aye”s Have It’.

Notice the “Aye” in quotation marks, meaning that each correct response will contain the word “Aye” somewhere in it.

.

‘Magical Artifacts’.

.

‘Gases of Uranus’.

.

And finally, ‘Equestrian History’.

Fluttershy, you won the coin toss earlier so you get to pick the first category.

.

.

‘The “Aye”s Have It’ for 200 bits.

And the clue is: ‘This theorem, named after an 18^th century statistician, describes the probability of an event based on prior knowledge of conditions related to that event’.

*RING*

Applejack.

.

.

No, I’m sorry, ‘Soothsayer’s Theorem’ is incorrect.

I’m pretty sure there isn’t a theorem that even goes by that name.

*RING*

Rainbow Dash.

.

.

I’m sorry, ‘Long Division Theorem’ is also incorrect.

I don’t even know where to start with what’s wrong with that response.

Fluttershy, care to ring in?

.

.

No?

All right then. The correct response was, ‘What is Bayes Theorem’.

Seems like we’re off to a bit of a bumpy start, but that’s okay.

It’s still your board, Fluttershy. Pick again.

.

.

‘Nightmare Night Frights’ for 600 bits.

Oh good, this is an easy one.

The clue is: ‘Fillies and colts offer up candy to this pony on Nightmare Night so that she won’t gobble them up’.

*RING*

Yes, Rainbow Dash.

.

.

Huh?

Um, no, I’m sorry. ‘Queen Chrysalis’ is incorrect.

*RING*

Applejack.

.

.

N-No. ‘The Pony of Shadows’ isn’t correct either.

What is going on here?

Fluttershy?

.

.

Still not going to answer, huh?

*SIGH*

The correct response was, ‘Who is Nightmare Moon’.

Pick again, Fluttershy.

.

.

‘Equestrian History’ for 1000 bits.

And the clue is: ‘This princess wielded the Elements of Harmony 1000 years ago to save Equestria from eternal night’.

*RING*

Rainbow Dash.

.

.

No, ‘Princess Cadance’ isn’t correct! Cadance never wielded the Elements of Harmony! Heck, even if she had she wasn’t alive 1000 years ago!

*RING*

Applejack.

.

.

Huh…But I…What?! Who the hay is ‘André the Giant’?!

Am I being punked right now? I really feel like I’m being punked right now.

*RING*

Discord.

Discord?! What are you doing here?! And what happened to Fluttershy?!

.

.

She had a sudden animal-related emergency and she asked you to fill in for her?

Uh-huh, sure.

Well regardless, since you’re here and you rang in I suppose you might as well answer.

This should be good.

.

.

Oh my gosh, yes! ‘Princess Celestia’ is correct!

Finally, a correct response!

Okay, Discord, you’re in control of the board. Pick a category.

.

.

What do you mean that’s not your name?

.

.

You seriously want me to call you by the name you wrote on your podium?

.

.

Fine, whatever.

Just please pick a category, Captain Wuzz.

.

.

Oh for -

The category is ‘Gases of Uranus’, Discord ,not ‘Gases of -’

Nope, I’m not going to say it. I am not going to say it out loud.

Let’s just go with ‘Magical Artifacts’ for 800 bits.

And the clue is: ‘Grogar used this magical artifact to drain the magic of others and help him create a great number of dangerous beasts’.

.

Seriously?! No pony’s going to answer this one?! We all fought Chrysalis, Tirek, and Cozy Glow not that long ago over this magical item!

.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSmUtWKW7EA

And that’s time. The correct response was, ‘What is the Bewitching Bell’.

.

.

Okay, that doesn’t even make any sense, Discord. How could my mother possibly be the Bewitching Be – oh, I think I just got it. You’re insinuating that my mother is a prostitute, aren’t you?

.

.

I know I should feel angry right now, but I don’t. All I feel right now is this strange mixture of confusion and vexation that I didn’t even know existed until we started playing this game.

.

.

Oh no. No more picking categories, Discord. We’re just going to go right to the Final Jeopardy round now so that this madness can end.

And the category for Final Jeopardy is – you know what, just write down an Element of Harmony.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zae0l5ypHpc

Any Element of Harmony, any at all. We’ve all dealt with the Elements of Harmony many times over the years so I know that each of you knows at least one of them. Some of you represent an Element of Harmony so you can write that one down if you want, or you can write down one of the other five Elements if you prefer. It doesn’t matter which Element of Harmony you choose, any of the six will be acceptable. Just…please write down an Element of Harmony.

.

Okay, let’s start with you, Rainbow. Which Element of Harmony did you write down?

.

You wrote down…‘Cheese grater’.

Well, at least you didn’t write down ‘five turtlenecks’ along with that.

And you wagered…‘8lbs. of Asiago’.

.

Moving on.

All right, Applejack, let’s see which Element of Harmony you chose.

.

You wrote down…‘Apple’.

And you wagered…‘Jack’.

I’m not even surprised by any of this anymore.

*SIGH*

Okay, Discord, what nonsense answer did you write down?

.

You wrote down…‘Magic’?

That’s…that’s a correct answer! Magic is an Element of Harmony! Oh I am so happy! I’m just…I’m so happy right now!

Thank you. Thank you, Discord.

.

.

Yes, I completely agree. Sometimes we don’t see eye-to-eye, but at the end of the day we’re still friends.

And with that I think we’ll wrap things up here, everypony. So as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight -

.

.

Oh, right. Sorry, Discord. We still have to see what you wagered.

What you wagered was…’Friendship is not’.

Um, I’m afraid I don’t underst – no, no wait, I do understand. You’re say ‘Friendship is not magic’ but like Yoda would.

Real funny, Discord. Real funny.

.

.

.

You can stop laughing any time now, Discord.

.

*SIGH*

Okay, well, while Discord has his little laughing fit I think we’ll really end this episode now. So again, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take Applejack and Rainbow Dash to the hospital for a CT scan. After what we just witnessed here today I’m legitimately concerned that their hyper-competitiveness with one another has short-circuited their brains.

Then after that I should probably go find Fluttershy and make sure she's all right.

Oh, and real quick, don’t count on there being any further episodes of Jeopardy! from me. As much as I like this game show there is no way in Tartarus I am ever going to try hosting it again.

Just...never again.

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Running for City Council

Okay, I think it’s on.

.

And it looks like it just started recording too.

Welp, I best get started then.

Ahem.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Before I get into what it is I’m going to be trying today, I wanted to let you all know that if the video quality looks a bit different than usual - hopefully for the better - it’s because I’m recording this episode on my brand-new camera!

That’s right, I finally got a new camera! After the last episode where the camera once again started recording too early I just…I’d had enough and decided it was time to invest in a new camera. Now I admit I don’t know much about cameras but the sales pony at the electronics store said that this new camera is one that’s often used by ponies who do vlogs and streams and that sort of stuff, so I’m really hoping it works out.

But enough about my camera, let’s get to what it is I’ll be trying in this episode. In this episode, I’m going to try…running for Ponyville City Council!

And before you say anything I’m aware that Ponyville is a town and yet its legislative branch of town government is called the ‘city’ council, so don’t bother pointing that out.

But yep, I’ve decided to throw my hat into the political ring. You see, last week councilmare Neighy resigned from the Ponyville City Council for supposed health reasons, resulting in a special election being held early next month to fill her seat. When I first heard about this I didn’t think much of it, but after a few days I thought it might be a good idea if I tried to run for that seat. Not only because I have a number of ideas for ways to make Ponyville an even better place to live then it already is, but also because I feel that running for city council will be a good way for me to get my name out there so ponies know who I am. I mean I’m going to be ruler of Equestria someday so it’s probably a good idea for ponies to know who I am, don’t you think?

Now I’m sure that most ponies already know who I am because of the fact that I’m a princess, but I’m not so sure many of them know who I am. Like who the pony behind the princess is, you know?

Am I making any sense? I feel like I may not be making much sense right now.

.

Okay, basically what I’m trying to say is that I want ponies to get to know me better. I want them to know what it is I believe in and what the things are that I hope to one day accomplish as ruler of Equestria, and I feel that a good way to do that is to hit the campaign trail. That way even if I don’t win the seat ponies will have a better understanding of who Twilight Sparkle really is.

Though just between us, I think I have a good chance of winning. I looked into who else is running for Neighy’s seat and, much to my surprise, there are only two other creatures doing so: Cranky Doodle and Muriel, the baby elephant. Don’t ask me why it is those two are running - or even how given that one of them is a baby elephant - but they are, and I’m fairly certain I can put together a better campaign than either of them. I mean from what I can tell Cranky Doodle’s whole platform revolves around expanding every social program in existence without regard for fiscal responsibility and Muriel’s whole platform revolves around building a wall all across Equestria’s border to keep snakes out, so, yeah, I think this race is mine to lose.

But I want to make it clear that just because I’m confident that I’m going to win it doesn’t mean that I’m going to run a haphazard campaign. Like I said earlier, even if I don’t win I want to make sure my message gets out there for everypony to hear.

And so with all that said, let’s hit the campaign trail!

---

14 Days Until Election - Ringing Doorbells

*DING-DONG*

.

Hello, ma’am, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I’m running for Ponyville City Council. Do you have a moment to talk about the issues affecting our town and what it is I plan to do about them if elected?

.

.

No? Oh, okay.

Well thank you for your time and please don’t forget to vote on Election Day.

.

All right, onto the next house.

.

.

.

*DING-DONG*

.

Hello, sir, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I’m running for Ponyville City Council. Do you have a moment to –

*SLAM*

.

Well that was rude.

He could have at least let me finish talking before slamming the door in my face.

Okay then, onto the next house.

.

.

.

*DING-DONG*

.

Hello, ma’am, my name is – Trixie?! What the hay are you doing here?!

.

.

You…you bought this house? B-but why? I bought you a new wagon so that you could leav – I mean, so that you could get back to doing your traveling magic show.

.

.

You realized you were tired of traveling and decided to put down roots here in Ponyville, huh?

Great, so glad you realized that after I bought you a wagon.

Hey, wait a minute, when you moved out of the castle you barely had two bits to your name. How did you manage to make enough money to buy this house in such a short amount of time?

.

.

You inherited a small fortune from a deceased distant relative you’d never met?

Of course you did.

Well it was nice catching up with you, Trixie, but I have to go now.

.

.

Why did I ring your doorbell? Oh, I, um…was hoping to borrow a cup of sugar, yeah. But you know what, I just remembered that Spike bought a whole bag of sugar the other day so I don’t need it anymore.

.

.

What?! I can’t hear you, Trixie, I’m too far away! Bye!

.

Yeah, I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to convince Trixie to vote for me. She’d never vote for me in a million years.

If she even votes at all.

And besides, I’m pretty sure I don’t need her vote anyways.

Welp, onto the next house.

---

7 Days Until Election – Town Hall Debate

.

.

Well before I answer that question, Aloe, I just want to say thank you to you and all the ponies who came to this debate tonight and thank you to Cheerilee for being our moderator this evening.

Now as to the matter you just brought up of promoting local tourism in order to help Ponyville’s small businesses, I actually have a thirty-six-point plan that I believe will not only help our existing small businesses grow but also help create new businesses and jobs within our town.

Point 1: We need to identify the cultural and historical aspects of Ponyville that are most attractive to ponies from other parts of Equestria.

Point 2: Once we identify those aspects, we need to invest in them more by –

.

.

I’m sorry, what was that, Cheerilee?

.

.

I only have two minutes to answer the question?

Oh, um, alright. W-Well then I guess the summary of my thirty-six-point plan to promote local tourism, Aloe, is to highlight Ponyville’s historical and cultural value by partnering with local businesses to help market them all across Equestria.

.

Oh boy, I’m not sure if I can boil all of my multi-point plans down to two-minute summaries and still get my message across effectively. I mean how are ponies supposed to understand my ideas if I can’t explain them fully?

---

Election Night

Well, everypony, this is it. Any minute now we’re going to find out the results of the election. And I have to admit, I’m a little nervous. Between ponies slamming the door in my face when I tried to talk to them one-on-one and only have two minutes to answer questions during the debate I’m not sure I really got my message out there.

Maybe I should’ve done a separate episode of my vlog dedicated solely to explaining my ideas.

.

Oh, they’re announcing the results!

.

.

I…I lost?

Wait a second.

.

I lost to Derpy?! And I lost to her by one vote?!

Are you…are you serious?! How in tartarus did I lose to Derpy, she wasn’t even on the ballot! The only way she could’ve won is if the majority of ponies who voted wrote her name in! Is that what happened here?! Is that what actually bucking happened here?!

AHHHH!

*SMASH*

---

H-Hey, everypony.

So, um, sorry that that last segment ended so abruptly. See I let my emotions get the better of me for a moment and I, well…I accidently knocked over my new camera and broke it. So in case you’re wondering why the video quality might look different than it did when the episode first started, it’s because I had to go back to using my old camera.

It’s just…I’m at a loss for words right now. After all the campaigning and multi-point planning I did I lost to a pony who wasn’t even on the ballot, and by one vote nonetheless!

I guess I did need Trixie’s vote after all.

And not only that, but I’m not even sure if ponies know me and what I stand for any better than they did before my campaign kicked off!

*SIGH*

Well at least I got more votes than Cranky Doodle and Muriel. I mean after everything that’s happened that’s still gotta count for something, right?

.

Well regardless, I’m going to end this episode here. So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries.

Just…why did so many ponies vote for Derpy? Did she promise to create a new muffin-based holiday or something?

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try please let me know in the comments!

Becoming a Cockroach

*YAWN*

Darn yawns.

.

Oh shoot, the camera's recording already.

Ahem.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So I’m just going to get right into what it is I’m going to be trying today because I’m sure it’s going to require a bit of explanation and I don’t want this video to be super long. In today’s episode, I’m going to try…becoming a cockroach!

Aaand I’m sure some of you have already stopped watching.

Well for those of you who haven’t clicked off this video yet, let me explain why it is I want to try and become a cockroach. You see, I was reading a book on insects the other day and I came across a surprisingly interesting chapter on cockroaches. Now of course we all know that cockroaches are disease-ridden pests that are incredibly annoying because they’re so difficult to kill, but I don’t think many of us have ever stopped to ask why it is cockroaches are so difficult to kill. Well according to my book, the answer is because they have an extremely strong and flexible exoskeleton that allows them to withstand nearly 900 times their own body weight. 900 times! Isn’t that incredible?!

So anyways, after I read that I started to wonder: What if ponies had an exoskeleton too? One that was just as strong and flexible as that of the cockroach?

.

.

Oh come on, Spike, that is not a weird thing to wonder!

.

.

Yes I know I haven’t gotten much sleep lately because I’ve been so busy with princess duties, but I don’t see what that has to do with any of this!

*YAWN*

Anywhoo, the more I thought about ponies having a strong exoskeleton like the cockroach the more it sounded like something that could really be beneficial for just about everypony. I mean, just think about it. If we could withstand 900 times our own body weight then construction ponies wouldn’t have to worry about getting hurt on the job. Pegasi wouldn’t have to worry about falling out of the sky to their deaths. Soldiers wouldn’t have to worry about dying on the battlefield! Why, with the power of the cockroach ponykind could become invincible I tell you, invincible!

Ahahahaha!

.

.

Will you stop going on about my lack of sleep, Spike! I’m perfectly fine!

So right now you may be asking yourself, ‘Okay, Twilight, but what does this have to do with you trying to become a cockroach?’. Well the answer is simple: If I want to learn the secrets of the cockroach, then I must become the cockroach. Oh sure, I could probably spend countless years studying cockroaches to try and learn their secrets, but who has the time and patience for that? I know I don’t.

Well, maybe I have the patience, but I definitely don’t have the time.

So, yep, the only sensible thing for me to do in this situation is to use my magic to become a cockroach.

.

.

Well of course I can do that, Spike! Don’t you remember when I used that spell to turn our friends and myself into breezies?! It’s a pretty simple spell once you know how to cast it!

And speaking of that spell, now seems like a good time to introduce my assistant for this little experiment.

.

.

Oh for –

He’s just going to be my assistant for this video, Spike! You don’t need to get all jealous!

It’s the Owlowiscious incident all over again.

*YAWN*

Besides, you can’t be my assistant for this experiment anyway! It can only be Antonio!

.

And I just inadvertently revealed who my assistant is going to be.

Kinda.

Okay, everypony, if you’ll just follow me over here real quick I’ll show you who it is that’s going to be assisting me today.

.

Ta-da!

Meet Antonio, the cockroach that I found scurrying around just outside Trixie’s house!

Which both does and does not surprise me.

Hello in there, Antonio. Are you excited to be a part of this experiment today? I bet you are, yes you are.

.

.

Oh it is not weird that I’m talking to Antonio that way, Spike! Or that I even named a cockroach Antonio!

Now Martin, that would be a weird name for a cockroach.

At any rate, Antonio here is going to assist me by being the cockroach I need to make my spell work. See, in order for this particular transfiguration spell to work properly you need to have a member of the species you want to turn into present so that the spell has a genetic blueprint it can – aaand I’m getting unnecessarily technical right now, aren’t I?

Sorry.

Well to summarize it all up in one sentence, Antonio is going to act as a template so that my spell knows what to turn me into.

Oh, and don’t worry about me getting stuck as a cockroach. I’ll still have access to my magic while transformed, so I’ll be able to turn myself back into a pony once I’ve learned what I need to.

*YAWN*

Ugh, all this annoying yawing.

Note to self: Find a cure for excessive yawning once cockroach experiment is done.

Okay, well I think I’ve explained everything I need to now, so let’s get this show on the road!

.

.

Will you stop worrying, Spike! Everything’s going to be fine!

*YAWN*

I just…need to get the spell going like this, and then…then I’ll finally learn the…the secrets of the…the…

*POOF*

.

*SNORING*

---

Huh, wha…what happened? Did I…did I fall asleep?

Oh darn it, I think I did. I don’t remember it being quite so dark outside before.

I guess I wasn’t perfectly fine after all.

Hey, uh, Spike?! Sorry I was so, you know, testy earlier! You were right about me needing some sleep!

.

Spike?!

.

Huh, he must have gone out or something.

Well now that I’m more rested I have to say, this whole ‘becoming a cockroach’ thing really does seem kind of silly. I mean I still think that the cockroach’s strong exoskeleton is interesting and everything, but I don’t think turning myself into a cockroach to learn their secrets and give ponies equally strong exoskeletons is such a good idea anymore.

Boy, the things a sleep-deprived mind can come up with.

So with that I think I’ll end this episode here. So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on – huh?

Antonio?

Why are you crawling around on my hoof like that?

.

Wait a second, you’re not Antonio. Why, you almost look like…like…SPIKE?!

Oh my gosh, Spike, is that really you?! I…I must have accidently cast the transfiguration spell on you right before I fell asleep!

Okay, okay, no need to panic. If you just get back down on the floor I can change you back into a dragon.

.

*POOF*

.

Oh, Spike, I am so, so sorry I turned you into a cockroach! Can you ever forgive me?!

.

.

Deal. If you forgive me I promise I’ll star in that one-pony play you wrote.

.

.

Yes, and I’ll make sure Rarity comes to see the play too.

Oy vey.

Okay, well, I think I’m really going to end this episode now. So once again, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

So I have to ask, Spike, what was it like being a cockroach?

.

.

I see. How interesting.

.

.

Oh, you say you were able to talk to Antonio? And that his name isn’t actually Antonio? Yeah, I guess the random name I decided to give him had a pretty low chance of being his actual name, huh?

So, what is his name then?

.

.

M-Martin?

Oh dear. I should probably apologize to him for that comment I made earlier about Martin being a weird name for a cockroach.

Author's Notes:

This chapter brought to you by combination of WALL·E, Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis, and one too many glasses of Apothic red wine.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Doing a One-Pony Show

Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather.

*DEEP BREATH*

.

.

Oh, hi, Spike. I was just doing some pre-rehearsal vocal exercises and - uh, Spike? What are you doing with the camera?

.

.

Oh no, uh-uh, not happening! There’s no way I’m going to make this into an episode of Twilight Tries!

.

.

Yes, Spike, I remember. I accidently turned you into a cockroach for a few hours and to make up for it I agreed to be in your play and that I’d get Rarity to come see it when it opens, but what I did not agree to was that you could record any of this. Especially not for my vlog!

.

.

Oh come on, Spike. What possible reason could you have for wanting to get an episode of Twilight Tries out of this?

.

.

Viral marketing, huh?

Okay, I guess I can understand that.

Well regardless of your reasons for wanting to record this my answer is still no. Now please, turn the camera off.

.

.

Oh for –

I just don’t want this recorded, okay, Spike. I mean it’s bad enough you wouldn’t let me take a look at the script you wrote until today, but now you want to record me doing a complete dry run of it too? That’s going to be nothing but embarrassing for me.

.

.

W-What?!

Oh my gosh, no, Spike! That is not what a ‘dry run’ means!

That’s disgusting.

.

.

*SIGH*

All right, all right. If it means that much to you then you can record this and I promise I’ll post it to my vlog later, okay?

.

.

Okay.

Now can I please get a copy of the script so we can get started?

.

Honestly, how does he expect me to give a decent performance if I haven’t had time to study the script until today? I mean I know this is only the first rehearsal and all, but still. It would’ve been nice to at least have an idea of what this play I’m going to be in is about.

.

Thanks, Spike.

Now then, let’s take a look at this play you wrote.

.

‘Pony: An Artistic Introspective and Exploration of the Existential Nature of Equine Life’

Well that title is certainly…interesting.

.

.

Wait, you want to start rehearsal right now, Spike? But I’ve only read the title so far.

.

.

You want me to perform as I read the lines for the first time so that my performance is as raw and emotional as possible?

I’m not sure that makes much sense, but all right.

Ahem.

‘I…looked at myself in the mirror this morning and…and I didn’t recognize the pony I saw looking back at me. I saw that the pony in the mirror had all the same features that I’d seen it have countless times before, but that pony was nothing but a complete stranger to me today. Horn, wings, hooves, cutie mark. Are these things all that I am? If I lost any one of them would I still be me? Am I nothing more than just the sum of my parts?! Are any of us more than just the sum of our parts?! Are we nothing more than a blip in the infinite sequence of events that we perceive as time?!’

Um, Spike, can we pause for a moment? I have a few concerns about some thematic disconnect that I’m sensing here.

.

.

Well I mean what you wrote here starts off exploring ideas of personal identity and then kind of abruptly shifts into ideas of ethnological identity. And not long after that it shifts again into ideas of spiritual identity.

.

.

Yes I get that you want to explore multiple facets of being with this play so that you can establish a means by which ponies can instigate a contemplative analysis of their own existence, but when you make so many sudden shifts in theme like this it makes it hard for the audience to follow along, you know?

.

.

Okay, we’ll revisit all that later. Let’s just move on to the next act for now.

Let’s see here.

.

Uh, Spike, I don’t think I understand this part here. It just says, ‘Do an interpretive dance to symbolize the futility of longing’. I just…I have a lot of questions about that, not the least of which being what an interpretive dance symbolizing the futility of longing is even supposed to look like.

.

.

You’re going to show me what it’s supposed to look like?

Oh, no, that’s okay. I think I can figure it out myself –

Aaaand Spike’s dancing now.

.

And now I'm starting to feel uncomfortable.

O-Okay, um, thank you, Spike. You can stop now, I think I got it.

So I guess an interpretive dance symbolizing the futility of longing looks like flailing all your limbs around randomly.

All right, well, let’s just move on for now, shall we?

Whatever’s next it can’t be any more awkward than that interpretive dancing.

.

W-W-What in the name of Luna?!

Spike! What the heck is with this part here?!

.

.

This part right here, where it says, ‘Talk about your first heat in excruciating detail for an hour’!

Do you really think I’m going to stand on stage for an hour and describe my first heat to hundreds of ponies, Spike?!

.

.

No, lengthening it to an hour and a half isn’t going to help! The length of time I’m supposed to talk about my first heat isn’t the problem, Spike! The problem is that I’m supposed to talk about my first heat period!

Just…why did you think me talking about something like that so publicly was a good idea?

Or even remotely appropriate?

.

.

Fine, whatever. Let’s just move on to the next part. But we are not coming back to this part later!

I’m almost afraid to find out what the next act entails.

.

Huh.

I'm supposed to put on a puppet show?

Oh, well, okay then. I think I can do that.

.

.

You want me to do what with the puppets?!

Okay, that’s it, I’m done! There is no way in Equestria or Tartarus that I’m going to perform this play you’ve written, Spike! It’s too disconnected, too outlandish, and too…too wrong on so many levels for me to be a part of it!

.

.

*SIGH*

Yes I know I promised I’d do this to make up for accidently turning you into a cockroach, but I just can’t do the vast majority of things that are in your play.

I’m pretty sure I’d lose my Princess of Friendship title if I did that puppet show.

Is there anything else I can do to make things up to you? Anything at all?

.

.

Deal. I’ll help you write a love song for Rarity.

.

.

Yes, and I’ll still post this to my vlog too.

I don’t know why though since this play’s not happening now, but whatever.

Well since I’m still going to be uploading this I guess this is where I’ll sign-off, everypony. So as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on what will hopefully be a pre-planned episode of Twilight Tries!

*SIGH*

Why do I have a weird feeling that this ‘write a love song for Rarity’ thing is going to end with Rarity thinking that I’m the one confessing to her or something like that?

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Being a Disc Jockey

Hey there, fellow babies, and welcome to another hip and happening episode of Twilight Tries!

Oof. That really doesn’t sound good when you say it out loud.

Hehe. Sorry about that, everypony. I just thought I’d try out some material on my vlog intro before I used it as part of what it is I’ll be trying today.

And boy am I glad I did. I’d have been mortified if I’d said that live on the air.

But moving on.

In today’s episode, I’m going to try…being a disc jockey!

For those of you may not know what a disc jockey is, it’s a pony who introduces and plays records of popular music either on the radio or at a nightclub. Though I should probably mention that it’s mostly just on the radio these days, since so many of the nightclubs in Equestria closed down after that lawsuit against The Treasury in Las Pegasus.

Those poor ponies who permanently lost their hearing.

Anywhoo, the reason I’m going to be trying my hoof at being a disc jockey today is because, well, I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be one. I mean, hasn’t everypony? Haven’t you ever listened to a disc jockey’s voice on the radio and think about what it must be like to be that voice? Well even if your answer to that is no, my answer is yes. And thanks to the kind ponies here at WPNY in Ponyville I’ll finally be able to learn what it’s like to be a disc jockey!

Now you might be wondering how I can just become a disc jockey without any kind of training. Well as it turns out you don’t need any formal training to be a disc jockey. At least according to the WPNY station manager anyway. She said, and I quote, ‘You don’t need to know anything about the radio business to be in the radio business’. But even still though, I read the manuals for all the equipment I’ll be using today for good measure, as well as the memoir Apparently You Can’t Say Booger on the Air by renowned disc jockey Dr. Hay Fever.

That was a very strange memoir.

But speaking of Dr. Hay Fever, I still need to come up with my disc jockey name. I’ve been racking my brain for the last few days trying to think of the perfect name but haven’t been able to come up with it yet. Though since I’m due to go on the air any minute now I better come up with something, and quick.

Maybe something like…DJ Grandmaster Alicorn?

Nah, not that. It sounds far too grandiose.

Hmm.

.

DJ Pon-3?

No, that name’s already taken.

.

Maybe something simple like, I dunno…DJ P Friendship?

Aaaand that’s something else that really doesn’t sound good when you say it out loud…or think about it for more than two seconds.

.

Oh, I got it! DJ T Sparks!

Yeah, that’s the name I’ve been looking for.

.

.

Oh, okay! Be right there!

Phew.

Looks like I figured out my DJ name just in time. They’re ready for me to go on the air.

Welp, this is it. Wish me luck, everypony.

.

*DEEP BREATH*

Here we go.

.

Hey there, Ponyville! It’s the top of the hour and you’re listening to WPNY, Ponyville’s number one station for your favorite hits from today and yesterday! I’m T Sparks and I’ll be you’re DJ for the next few hours, and I thought we’d kick things off with an oldie but a goodie!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbF1g3k2mtw

So get up and groove, everypony, because you’re listening to WPNY in Ponyville!

.

*SQUEE*

Oh my gosh, that was so much fun! Not to be boastful or anything, but I think I might have a real knack for being a disc jockey!

Maybe when I’m done here I’ll start my own radio station and disc jockey for it part-time. Ooh, that sounds like such a good idea! I could call it, ‘WFSP’, and the tag line for it could be something like, ‘Equestria’s radio station for music and friendship’.

*SQUEE*

The more I talk about this idea the more I love it!

---

Okay, Ponyville, it’s time for the big WPNY Sapphire Shores ticket giveaway!

That’s right, we’re giving away two VIP tickets to the Sapphire Shores concert next week at the Barnyard Bargains Coliseum, and all you have to do to win those tickets is call in and correctly complete this sentence: Friendship is…

And it looks like we already have a caller! Okay, caller, tell me; Friendship is…

.

.

No, I’m sorry. ‘Boring’ is not the correct.

You’re boring.

Okay, next caller! Friendship is…

.

.

No, I’m sorry. ‘Unnecessary’ is not correct either.

Geez Louise. These ponies are way off.

Okay, third caller! Friendship is…

.

.

Yes! ‘Friendship is magic’ is correct!

Congratulations, caller! Now you just need to come on down to the WPNY station sometime before next week to claim your tickets! Thanks for playing and for listening to WPNY in Ponyville!

Now let’s get back to the tunes with this recent top 40 hit!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxLaNYmEiEs

.

I’m very concerned about those first two answers I got.

.

.

Huh?

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you come in.

Did you need something?

.

.

You have a special bulletin for me?

Ooh, how exciting!

.

Oh my.

Um, we interrupt this record to bring you a special bulletin. I’m not sure if I’m reading this correctly, but if I am it appears that the Oakdale Shopping Mall is being bombed with live turkeys.

Authorities are advising ponies to stay away from the Oakdale area as eyewitnesses are reporting that not only are some of the turkeys hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement, but some of them are apparently organizing and mounting what is being described as some sort of a counterattack.

Again, please avoid the Oakdale area as it’s presently being bombed with live turkeys.

And Discord, if you’re by any chance the one responsible for these turkeys plummeting to the earth and you just so happen to be listening to this broadcast; KNOCK IT OFF!

---

All right, Ponyville, it looks like my shift is just about up, so it’s time for me to hoof the reins off to DJ Z-Bra. But before I do, I just want to say thank you for listening to me today here on WPNY. It’s been really fun getting to spend some time with you chatting and listening to music over the airwaves. Maybe we’ll meet again someday, but until then this is T Sparks signing off, and reminding you; be good to each other, ponies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swu0DCXHYzA

.

Phew.

Well that was definitely fun, but honestly, it was a little more exhausting then I thought it would be. I never realized how much energy it takes to be that lively and sanguine for so long.

How Pinkie Pie manages to be like that practically 24/7 I’ll never know.

So I think I’m going to forgo my previously stated intent to start my own radio station. I still think it’d be a fun thing to do, but I just doubt I could keep up with it now. I mean, if disc jockeying alone took this much out of me I don’t even want to imagine how much more run down I’d be trying to manage a whole station.

But that’s alright. I still have my vlog to connect with all of you, and as long as I have that I’m happy.

So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Hmm.

Maybe instead of starting a radio station I could just set up a small podcast.

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xBfF82BMsk

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Driving a Monster Truck

I’m telling you, Starlight, you don’t have anything to worry about. Applejack wouldn’t have asked for my help with this if there was any chance of me getting hurt.

.

.

Yes I remember how I was almost blown to kingdom come that one time when she asked for my help with that propane-powered egg incubator and it exploded, but that wasn’t Applejack’s fault. She had no way of knowing that the shut-off valve on that thing was so faulty.

.

.

Yes I also remember how I got arrested for causing that explosion, Starlight! But that wasn’t Applejack’s fault either! I mean, how in Equestria could she – or anypony - possibly have known that there’s a really old and obscure law in the Ponyville town charter prohibiting the detonation of poultry?

Lousy ordinance 509B.

.

.

Look, your concern is appreciated, Starlight. Really, it is. But I assure you I’ll be fine. Applejack is my friend, and I know she’d never use me as some sort of guinea pig for testing things she thinks might be dangerous.

.

*SIGH*

That pony really does have a tendency to overdo. Even when it comes to things like being worried about her friends.

.

Aaaand the camera’s already recording. Of course it is.

Ahem.

.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So I’m not sure how much of that conversation I just had with Starlight you may have heard, but in case it wasn’t clear what it is I’ll be trying today I’m still going to do my usual reveal.

In today’s episode, I’m going to try…driving a monster truck!

Yeah, this is one I didn’t see coming either. But when my friend Applejack asked me to test drive the monster truck her and her family were building I just couldn’t resist saying yes so that I could get an episode of my vlog out of it.

I also couldn’t resist saying yes because Applejack is my friend and I’m always happy to help my friends, but that goes without saying.

So you may be asking yourself why it is Applejack and her family have built a monster truck, and the answer to that question is actually a pretty interesting one. You see, in a couple of weeks there’s this big monster truck show coming to Ponyville called Monster Ram. I’d never heard of it until just recently, but according to Applejack it’s a pretty popular attraction throughout Equestria. Anywhoo, since it is such a popular attraction the Apple family thought it might be a good place to do some marketing for Sweet Apple Acres, and they thought that the best way to go about that marketing was to sponsor a monster truck.

Now normally, one would think that sponsoring a monster truck would simply entail taking an existing monster truck in the show and just slapping the Sweet Apple Acres name all over it. But that’s not quite what the Apple family had in mind. Nope, they decided that they were going to enter their own monster truck in the show, one built from scratch by their own hooves!

I know. Pretty ambitious, right?

So I do have to admit something real quick. When Applejack told me that she and her family were going to be building a monster truck, I was a little bit skeptical that they could actually do it. I mean I know that the Apples are very industrious and hard-working ponies, but building something as large and mechanical as a monster truck just seemed like it would be too difficult even for them. Especially given that when they decided they were going to build their own truck they only had about a month and a half to do so if they wanted to compete in Monster Ram.

But low and behold, they managed to build a truck!

Let me just move the camera so you can see it.

.

There it is; Timberwolf’s Breath.

Don’t ask me why it is they decided to name the truck that. I have no idea.

.

.

Oh, hi, Applejack!

Yeah, I’m ready when you are. Let’s test drive that truck!

.

O-Oh my. This, um…this truck is a lot bigger when you’re standing right next to it.

It didn’t seem quite so intimidating from all the way over by the gate.

.

.

No, no, I still want to do it, Applejack. I promised that I would help you and I intend to keep that promise.

Let me just fly right up into the driver’s seat.

.

Okay, let’s see here. I see a steering wheel, a couple of pedals, a clutch, and a – aww, look at this custom helmet Applejack’s family made for me! It’s got my name on it, and my cutie mark with some sporty-looking flames coming out on one side!

See, Starlight? Applejack cares about my safety.

Thank you so much for the nifty helmet, Applejack!

.

.

Okay, so what do I need to do to get this thing moving?

.

.

Uh-huh.

.

.

I put the clutch in first gear, then hit the accelerator, then shift into second gear?

.

.

Okay.

And I use this to switch over here to steer the back wheels?

.

.

Wait, that’s it? That’s really all I need to know in order to drive this thing?

.

.

If I can parallel park then I can drive a monster truck, huh?

Oh, well then, I guess this shouldn’t be too difficult to operate since I’m pretty good at parallel parking.

Most of the time.

All right, let’s see now. Put the truck in first gear…then gently press down on the accelerator…then shift into second gear and we should be good to - WAAAAAAAAAH!

APPLEJACK! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!

HOW IS THIS THING GOING SO FAST, I BARELY HIT THE ACCELERATOR!

.

AND NOW I’M NOT EVEN HITTING THE ACCELERATOR AT ALL AND I’M STILL MOVING!

.

BARN, STRAIGHT AHEAD!

TURN! TURN!

.

Phew.

.

PIG PEN!

.

Oh thank goodness.

.

CHICKEN COOP!

.

*CRASH*

Oooh dear.

.

NOW I’M JUST SPINNING AROUND IN A CIRCLE! WHY AM I JUST SPINNING AROUND IN A CIRCLE?!

.

I…I think I’m slowing down.

Oh…oh good. It looks like the battery is overheating and is causing the truck to lose power.

Wait a second.

THE BATTERY IS OVERHEATING!

BAIL! BAIL!

*POOF*

.

*BOOM*

.

.

I-I’m okay, I’m okay. Thank you, Applejack.

.

.

Yeah, I have no idea what went wrong either. But I’m just glad it was me in there than somepony else. I mean, I’m not sure if a pony who couldn’t teleport would’ve been able to get away from the truck quickly enough before it blew up.

I’m sorry that the truck blew up by the way. A-And that I ran over your chicken coop.

And some of your chickens.

.

.

Well regardless of you feeling that it’s not a big deal, I promise that I’ll help you rebuild your chicken coop.

And find some new chickens to fill it.

.

.

All right, next Tuesday we’ll get to work on that.

Well, everypony, I think that’ll wrap things up for this episode. Needless to say, it doesn’t look like the Apples will be entering a monster truck into this year’s Monster Ram, but hopefully with a good twelve months before the next one they can work out whatever kinks their first truck had and still market their farm to all those Monster Ram fans.

So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

Sorry, what was that, Applejack?

.

.

Y-You want me to test drive the new combine you just bought while I’m here?

You mean that big machine over there? The one with all the large, p-pointy blades on it?

.

.

N-No, no, it’s not a problem at all. I’m always willing to help out a friend!

Hehe.

.

Okay, I'm starting to think Starlight might have been on to something earlier.

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to KenDoStudios for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Programming a VCR

Hi, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Now before we get going with today’s episode, I feel I should point out that it’s another one that’s been brought to us by our good friend Sunset Shimmer and her world! And what it is from Sunset’s world that I’ll be trying today is…programming a VCR!

.

I’m guessing you might have just asked yourself, ‘What’s a VCR?’, and if you did I can assure you that you’re not alone in asking that. I asked the exact same thing when Sunset and I were in the antique store. But I’m getting a little ahead of myself here, so let me start at the beginning.

You see, the other day Sunset and I got together for a visit over in her world, and during that visit we decided to go to a small antique shop in Canterlot City since we both love antiquing.

I mean, who doesn’t love antiquing?

Well, who other than Starlight that is.

Anywhoo, while we were browsing through this antique store Sunset stopped to take a look at this machine that I’d never seen before. I asked her what it was and she said it was a VCR, which was when I then asked her, ‘What’s a VCR?’ Sunset explained that a VCR, which is short for Videocassette Recorder by the way, was an electromechanical device used long ago to play a form of recorded media called a Video Home System, or VHS. See apparently these VHS things used magnetic tape to record analog audio and analog video, and the VCR was the machine that allowed one to read those magnetic tapes and transmit them onto a television for viewer consumption.

Also, Sunset said that there were some models of VCRs that were capable of recording analog audio and analog video onto a VHS and that perhaps the one we were looking at was one of those models.

It was hard to tell if it was or not just by looking at it.

But anyways, I told Sunset that I thought the VCR sounded like a pretty neat device even if it was a bit dated, to which Sunset replied, and I quote, ‘Yeah, I’ve heard that they were pretty neat. Well, if you ever managed to get them up and running correctly that is.’ Needless to say, I was a bit confused by Sunset’s reply so I asked her to elaborate, and she said that even though VCRs were great at playing recorded media they were notorious for being incredibly difficult to program and get set-up properly.

Her elaboration didn’t alleviate my confusion much.

As I continued to look at the VCR I thought to myself, ‘How could this possibly be difficult to program and set-up properly?’ I also remember thinking that maybe initially when it was a brand-new piece of technology it could have been troublesome to get up-and-running, but even still I had a hard time believing that over the entire course of their relevance VCRs were so consistently abstruse.

I mean, speaking from personal experience, the only piece of technology that’s consistently abstruse is video cameras.

So basically I shared my doubts about the VCR being difficult to program and set-up with Sunset, and she said that if I was so convinced that it wasn’t so tough maybe we should see if we could do it or not. And yes, you heard me right – we. So at this time allow me to introduce our special guest for this episode: Sunset Shimmer!

Thanks for being here, Sunset!

.

.

Well I’m always glad to have you both back in Equestria and on my vlog. And speaking of the vlog, thanks also for the idea of turning this whole VCR thing into an episode of it. I honestly don’t think I would’ve ever thought of synergizing the two.

.

.

I’m sorry, Sunset, but I have to disagree with you on that. Synergizing is a real word.

I think.

Well regardless, what do you say we get started?

.

.

Great!

Now then, let me just move the camera little bit so you all can see the VCR I’ve been talking about.

Just a second.

.

And here it is: the Omnivision S model PV-S4670. And just an FYI, it is a VCR that’s capable of recording analog audio and analog video onto a VHS.

At least according to the manual.

Now of course we can’t try programming this VCR without a television set, which is why when we bought it from the antique store we also bought a TV that we can hook it up to.

Sunset, the TV if you please.

.

Oh my.

Let me help you with that, Sunset.

.

Phew.

Sweet Celestia, even with both of us using our magic that TV was awfully heavy.

I’m not even going to ask how you managed to get that thing here all by yourself.

Okay, let’s make sure we have everything we need. VCR…check. TV…check. Remote control…check. Various cables…check. VCR manual…check.

Looks like we’re good to go, so let’s get to it!

What’s the first step in the manual, Sunset?

.

.

We need to connect the VCR to the TV? Makes sense.

Let me just grab the cables real quick.

.

So many cables and cable accessories.

.

Okay, which cable do we need?

.

.

Coaxial cable, huh?

.

.

And we need the UHF/VHF band separator for it?

Um, can I see the manual for a quick second, Sunset? I’m not sure I know what a UHF/VHF band separator looks like.

.

Thank you.

Mmm.

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Oh, it’s this part right here.

Okay, let’s get connecting.

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This isn’t connecting right.

Are you sure we needed the UHF/VHF band separator, Sunset? Because when I looked at the manual it seemed to me like maybe the 75-300 ohm transformer was what we needed given the UFH/VHF configuration on this TV.

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Well just look right here. See? The TV doesn’t have the kind of VHF configuration like in this picture.

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Huh, you’re right. It doesn’t have the same configuration like the one in the transformer picture either.

So what the hay goes with the UFH/VHF set-up on this TV then?

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Oh, yeah, I see it now too, Sunset. We need the other UHF/VHF band separator.

Geez, who knew there were two kinds of UHF/VHF band separators?

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.

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Okay, I think we’re hooked up correctly now. Let’s turn on the TV and see if we’re good.

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Yes, we’re good! Now let’s get to programming.

Do you have the remote over there, Sunset?

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Good.

Now then, the manual says to hit the Menu button to get to the language selection screen.

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Perfect. Now rotate and push the little wheel on the remote to select the desired language.

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Wait, what language did you just select, Sunset? That’s not a language I’m familiar with.

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Huh?

What do you mean it was an accident? I told you to rotate and push the wheel to select the desired language.

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No, I told you to rotate and push the wheel, not rotate and push the wheel at the same time!

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Well I’m sorry if I’m a little testy right now, Sunset, but it’s not my fault that you misunderstood the directions!

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Okay, just…let’s unplug the VCR and start over.

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.

All right.

---

Okay, now that we’ve managed to get past the language selection screen we can move on to setting the clock.

Let’s see here.

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Sunset, do you see anything on the screen that says, ‘Auto Clock Set’?

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Of course not.

All right, it looks like we’re going to have to set the clock manually then. According to the manual, you need to hit the Menu button, then select ‘Set Clock’, followed by ‘Manual Set’.

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Okay, now I assume we just use the number buttons to set the clock.

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What do you mean hitting the number buttons isn’t doing anything, Sunset? Let me take a look at the remote.

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You’re right, the buttons aren’t doing anything.

I don’t get it, how are we supposed to set the clock if the number buttons don’t do anything? Let me take another look at the manual.

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Seriously?! We have to use the wheel to scroll through all the possible times until we get to the correct one?!

Who designed this thing?

Well I guess we better get scrolling then.

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By Luna’s mane, this is taking forever.

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Okay, that looks like the correct time, right, Sunset?

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Good, then let’s move on. It looks like the only thing left to do is –

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Oh you’ve got to be kidding me!

All right, let’s just keep scrolling until we get to 6:43 p.m. then.

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Finally.

Okay, now that we have the correct time and correct time of day, let’s select the channels.

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Yes I know we won’t be watching any channels, Sunset, but that’s beside the point! We said we were going to try programming this thing 100% correctly and that is exactly what we’re going to do!

Now, do you see anything on the menu screen that says, ‘Channel Auto Set’?

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Oh thank Celestia.

Okay, just hit that and we should be good to go.

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This is taking an awfully long time.

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Yes, it worked!

Now for the true test. Sunset, the VHS please.

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Oh, I love this movie.

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Woohoo, it’s playing!

We did it, Sunset! We got it working! It nearly drove us insane, but we got it working!

Well since the VCR seems to be up-and-running correctly, I think this is a good place to end the episode. Before going though, I’d like to once again thank Sunset Shimmer for joining me today. And as always, thank you for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you ne-

.

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What was that, Sunset?

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What!?

How…I mean just, why…why the hay is the clock still showing 6:43 p.m.?! It’s been way longer than a minute since we finished getting the clock programmed!

Let me see the manual!

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Seriously?! We had to hit the menu button twice before exiting out of that screen to get the clock to start running?!

AAAAAHHHHH!

That’s it, we’re done here! I’m not wasting anymore time trying to get this hunk of junk programmed properly!

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Oh come on, Sunset, with the way things have been going it won’t be that simple. Sure, we’ll probably be able to get the clock to start running, but then that’ll somehow screw up the channel set-up or the language selection or the UHF/VHF band separator. No, we’re done here. I admit it, you were right; these things are incredibly difficult to get up and running correctly.

.

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Oh that sounds lovely. I’m sure some jasmine tea will help me calm down and forget all about this vexatious VCR.

You go on ahead and get it ready, Sunset, I’ll be along shortly.

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Well, everypony, I guess I was a little too quick to assume that we’d gotten the VCR working 100% correctly. I mean I think that we did a good job getting as much as we did running correctly, but I’m still a bit disappointed that we didn’t get everything running correctly, you know?

But anyways, I’m going to actually end things here and go have some tea with Sunset. So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Geez, I never thought I’d find another piece of technology that was frustrating as my video camera, but I sure as Tartarus found one today.

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Doing a Vlog (Sci-Twi)

Hello, everyone! Oh, I mean, hello everypony! I’m Twilight Sparkle, and allow me to welcome you to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Now you may have noticed a few things that are different about me today, like the fact that I’m wearing glasses and I don’t have any wings. Well the reason for those differences is because I’m not the Twilight Sparkle you’re used to seeing on this vlog. I’m Twilight Sparkle from…another world!

Oo-oo!

.

Oh, yeah, that’s right, Spike. Sunset did mention that the princess has done a few of her vlog episodes from our world.

And there was that one-time everypony saw me when we switched places for a day too.

Well anyways, the point is I’m not Princess Twilight, I’m, ummm…CHS Twilight.

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Well I have to distinguish myself somehow, Spike. I mean, if there’s an entire multiverse of Twilight Sparkles out there I need to have some way of discerning which Twilight I am.

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Yeeeah, I don’t know if ‘Sci-Twi’ would be a very distinguishing name. I’ll admit it’s a pretty catchy one, but I’m fairly sure that there are a multitude of other Twilights out there who like science fiction as much as I do.

.

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Oh, good point. There are probably a number of other Twilights out there who also attend a version of Canterlot High School as well.

Hmmm.

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Eh, why not?

Okay, everypony, you can just refer to me as ‘Sci-Twi’.

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Yeah, I don’t think you need a nickname too, Spike.

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Yes I know that you’re different from Princess Twilight’s Spike, but you’re not the one doing this so we don’t need to spend time right now coming up with a moniker for you.

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Fine, I promise that we’ll come up with one later.

Oy vey.

Well now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, let’s get to why it is I’m here on this vlog, everypony. Basically, the reason I’m here is to…try doing a vlog! Yep, today you’ll get to follow me around as I experience what it’s like to do a vlog, and if you’re not quite sure what that all entails then let me tell you; I have no idea either.

At this point I feel like I should maybe explain how it is we ended up here, so allow me to elucidate. You see, the last time Princess Twilight came to mine and Sunset’s world we spent some time hanging out together to see how much alike we are. We discovered that we share a number of similar traits and interests but also a number of different traits and interests as well, among those differences being the fact that the princess has a vlog and I don’t. When Princess Twilight learned this she had the idea that I should come to Equestria and try doing an episode of her vlog since it’s all about her trying new things and I am her.

Technically.

At first I was hesitant to agree to this because my last few trips to Equestria were, shall we say…unexpectedly eventful. But the princess was very insistent that I give doing a vlog a try and I eventually capitulated. So, yeah, here I am, doing a vlog for the first time ever, with no idea what it is I’m supposed to do for it.

.

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I know that Princess Twilight usually does something new on in these episodes, Spike, but I’m already doing something new just by doing the vlog.

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No, Spike, I’m not suggesting that I just hang around the princess’ castle while the camera records me.

That would be kinda creepy, especially if I needed to use the bathroom while we’re here.

.

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You think I should go look around Ponyville?

Huh. You know, that’s actually not a bad idea, Spike. In all the times I’ve been here before I’ve never really had the time to explore any of Equestria. I bet there’s a lot I could learn about the behavior of Equestrian ponies if I walked around Ponyville for a bit. Oh, and then I could compare their behavior to that of the equine we have back home and write a research paper on it!

*SQUEE*

Come on, Spike, let’s get going! Research awaits us!

.

.

Why are you sighing? Going to look around Ponyville was your idea.

---

Hmm, judging by the food for sale here at the Ponyville Market it seems that the diet of the average Equestrian pony is fairly similar to that of the average equine back home.

Fascinating.

.

.

Oh will you stop sighing, Spike? This is really interesting information. I mean I know that we haven’t seen much variation in behavior between these ponies and the ones we have back home, but don’t you think that’s intriguing in and of itself?

.

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Well I think it’s intriguing, so shush.

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Wait, do you hear something, Spike? Like a…buzzing noise?

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HOLY TOLEDO, WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!

It looks like some kind of…bugbear!

.

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Yeah, we better get out of here, Spike!

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*CRASH*

Ow!

Oh, Rainbow Dash! So sorry I ran into you, I just had to get away from that –

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Wait, no, Rainbow, I’m not Princess Twi –

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The fastball special? What are you talking about?

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You want me to use my magic to launch you at the bugbear?!

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Well, all right, if you insist.

Let me just get my magic going.

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You’re sure you want me to do this, Rainbow?

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Okay then.

Launch!

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Yeow!

I think I just sprained my back launching her.

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D-Did it work? It looks like the bugbear is out-cold.

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.

Oh thank goodness.

Well I’m glad I was able to help you, Rainbow. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to pay that spa over there a visit to see if they can help with my back.

.

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Yep, see you later.

.

Oof, it’s a little uncomfortable to walk. I never knew magic could be so physically demanding, especially on a pony body.

Just another reason to use it in moderation I suppose.

.

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Thanks for the concern, Spike, but I’m okay. I just want my back looked at is all.

.

*RING*

Hello there! I kind of threw out my back a bit and was wondering if I could get a massage for it.

.

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Oh thank you, you don’t know how much – I’m sorry, who did you say would be giving me my massage?

*CRASH*

B-Bulk Biceps?!

Oh boy.

Y-You know what? I think my back is feeling better on its own. So I’ll just be on my wa –WAH!

No, really, Bulk, I’m fine. If you could just let me down I –

*CRACK*

Aye papi.

Okay, I think that’ll -

*CRACK*

Oh sweet Enola Gay.

*CRACK*

I really don’t think my spine is supposed to bend like this.

*CRACK*

Huh?

Hey, my back feels better now. In fact, it feels a lot better.

Wow! Thank you, Bulk!

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Oh, well I’m actually not the princ –

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Um, s-sure, I’ll think about naming you Royal Massage Therapist when I become ruler of Equestria.

Oh, would you look at the time? I really need to get going. Thanks again, Bulk.

.

Geez, I wonder how much Princess Twilight has to deal with ponies asking her for things like that.

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Oh, hi there, Applejack! How are you tod –

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The fastball special?

Um, yeah, Rainbow Dash and I did it a little while ago to try and get rid of a bugbear that was attacking the market.

.

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How fast did she go?

I’m…not really sure. I wasn’t measuring her speed or anything like that, but it seemed like she was moving pretty fast.

Fast enough to knock out the bugbear at least.

.

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What?!

Oh no! No, no, no! I am not going to launch you with my magic to see if you go faster than Rainbow Dash, Applejack! I tweaked my back the last time I did the fastball special and, while Bulk Biceps was ultimately able to fix it, I am not undergoing another one of those contortionist training sessions the spa ponies call a ‘massage’!

.

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Oh for –

I’m not the princess!

How are so many ponies not noticing my glasses and lack of wings?

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*SIGH*

Fine, we can do the fastball special. But we’re only doing it once, all right?

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Okay, here we go.

Launch!

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Yeow!

Aaand there goes my back again.

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I…I really have no idea if you went faster than Rainbow Dash, Applejack.

.

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Yes, fine, go ahead and say that you went faster than she did.

I really don’t care.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to pay a visit to the spa again.

.

Oof.

---

You know, there really has to be a better way to correct a tweaked back than turning somepony into a human-pretzel. Or pony-pretzel as it were.

.

.

Yeah, we’re just heading back to the princess’ castle now, Spike. I think I’m done trying to do a vlog now, for multiple reasons. The first being that I’m feeling too exhausted to keep going with it, and the second being that, in all honesty, I’m not even sure if I’ve been doing it right. I mean, is this usually how Princess Twilight’s vlog goes? Does she end up having to deal with a bunch of crazy and seemingly random things happening to her while she tries to do something ostensibly simple and straightforward?

.

.

Well, no, I haven’t actually seen any of Princess Twilight’s vlog before. Sunset’s told me about a few of the episodes she’s done for it, but she’s never really gone into much detail about how they went.

In hindsight I probably should’ve watched one or two of those episodes before agreeing to do this.

.

.

Good idea, Spike, let’s just end this here.

Well, everypony, I’m not quite sure how Princess Twilight usually signs-off on this vlog, but I’ll just say thanks for watching this episode of Twilight Tries and I hope you come back in the future for more episodes!

All right, let’s get back before it gets dark, Spike.

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Oh, hi again, Rainbow Dash.

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Um, yeah, I did the fastball special with Applejack a little while ago.

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I mean I suppose she went a bit faster than you did.

I still don’t know for certain if she actually did or not, but I do know I still don’t care.

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No, I am not going to do the fastball special with you again so you can beat Applejack!

I swear, this is the last time I ever try and do a vlog.

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight (Princess Twilight) try, please let me know in the comments!

Also, happy new year to you all! 🎊

Learning Nuclear Physics

Are you sure all this stuff is really necessary, Starlight? It seems like you might be going a little overboard with the, um…visual aids.

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I know that this is a complicated subject that involves a lot of equipment and such, but in case you hadn’t noticed we’re kinda running out of room in here. I can’t take two steps without – oof - bumping into something.

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All right, if you say all this is necessary then I guess there’s no way around it.

Now where’s the camera?

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Ah, here it is.

Ahem.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to try to…learn nuclear physics! And joining me today is our good friend Starlight Glimmer!

Say hi, Star – AH!

.

Oh good, the camera seems to be okay.

Hehe. S-Sorry about dropping the camera just now, everypony. As you can see right now there’s a lot of books and models and equipment and various other things all piled into the room and it’s making it a little difficult to maneuver the camera around.

Or maneuver myself around for that matter.

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Yes I accept that all this stuff is necessary, Starlight! I just wish you’d told me just how much stuff we were going to need for this episode beforehoof. If I’d known it would be this much I would’ve chosen a larger room for us to do this in.

Though honestly I’m not sure if there even is a larger room in the castle than this one.

.

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No, no, it’s fine. We’ve already started the episode so let’s just – oof – keep going.

*SIGH*

Okay, so getting back on track, the reason why it is that I’m trying to learn nuclear physics today is because, well, essentially Starlight wanted to be on the vlog again and this is what we agreed upon to make that happen.

I feel like I’m going to need to expound on that.

.

Yeah, I need to expound.

So you see, last week Starlight came to me and expressed interest in doing another episode of Twilight Tries together – which I have to admit took me a bit by surprise because I didn’t think she enjoyed being on my vlog that much.

But I’m so glad that she does!

*SQUEE*

Anywhoo, I of course told her that we could do another episode together, and soon enough we were brainstorming ideas for what the subject of that episode should be. We came up with a lot of ideas during that brainstorming session, or rather Starlight came up with a lot of ideas during that brainstorming session since she pretty much just kept listing potential subjects one after another in an incredibly long and unbroken sentence. And whoa nelly did she come up with some truly, shall we say…interesting ideas, many of which I really don’t want to know where they came from.

Though I am morbidly curious and concerned where she got the Viking funeral idea from.

Anyways, eventually we agreed that I could try learning nuclear physics with Starlight being the one to teach it to me, because if you’ll remember from the ghostbusting episode of this vlog we learned that she has a degree in nuclear physics.

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.

Yes, with a minor in mechanical engineering. I remember, Starlight.

So, yeah, that’s how we ended up here.

I have to say that nuclear physics isn’t an area of science that I’ve ever had much of an interest in, but I am looking forward to this lesson today. After all, learning is the third greatest magic there is!

Right behind friendship and proper silverware placement.

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.

Okay, Starlight, be over in a second!

Well, everypony, it looks like we’re ready to get things started. So let’s, um…get started!

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Oof.

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All right, I’ve got my camera for recording, my quill and parchment for note-taking, and my ever-enduring thirst for knowledge. Teach away, Starlight!

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Uh-huh.

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Uh-huh.

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Ooh. How interesting.

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---

Sorry for that interruption just now, everypony. Starlight was starting to get really technical on some of that stuff and I figured most of you were going to eventually lose interest if I’d kept recording.

Truth be told, even I was starting to lose a bit of interest after about fifteen minutes.

So anyways, I asked Starlight to keep the material in the remainder of the lesson to the level of a 101 course. She agreed to keeping things introductory and is now trying to find a model of a nuclear powerplant she made to explain how fission helps create electricity. Though she’s been sifting through all this stuff looking for that model for about eight minutes now, so I’m not quite sure we’re going to get to that part of the lesson.

.

.

Oh, good. It’s sounds like Starlight found the model.

Now I just have to find her.

Hang on, Starlight! I’ll be right there!

.

.

.

Oof.

*WHIRRING NOISE*

That…doesn’t sound good.

Uh, Starlight! I bumped into one of these machines and now it’s making a very unsettling noise!

.

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Yeah, I’m not really sure what machine this is. I see what I think might be a model number on it though if that helps at all; 1F02.

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It’s a proton accelerator?

Um, okay. Do proton accelerators usually make this much noise? A-And vibrate a lot.

.

Oh boy. The look on Starlight’s face right now is not inspiring confidence.

T-This isn’t a big deal, right, Starlight? I just accidentally turned the proton accelerator on and you can easily turn it off, r-right?

.

.

IT’S GOING CRITICAL AND YOU CAN’T SHUT IT DOWN?!

Oh dear.

SPIKE, OWLOWISCIOUS, CODE 8! EVACUATE THE CASTLE! EVACUATE THE CASTLE!

---

Okay, so, um…some mistakes were made involving the proton accelerator and now the castle is what Starlight says is called a ‘hot zone’. Basically what that means is that the castle is extremely radioactive and dangerous right now. But don’t worry, Starlight, Spike, Owlowiscious, and I all got out in time and Starlight and I were able to put a magical barrier around the castle to keep the radiation from spreading. That’s the good news.

The bad news is that, according to Starlight’s calculations, it’s going to take a few weeks to fully decontaminate the castle, even with magic. So as you’ve probably deduced, that means the four of us need a place to stay for a while. Spike went off to see if any of our friends will be able to put us up until the castle is habitable again, but right now I’m a little concerned about our living situation for the foreseeable future.

.

.

Absolutely not, Starlight! There is no way in Tartarus I am going to stay with Trixie!

Not after all the chaos that happened when she stayed with us.

.

Oh, Spike. You’re back already.

Were you able to find us a place to stay?

.

.

Oh thank goodness!

At least we don’t have to worry about that now.

Well, everypony, given that it seems the nuclear physics lesson is over I think it’s time to end this episode. So as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

Oh for -

No, Starlight, this incident doesn’t mean that we can try doing a Viking funeral on the next episode! Will you please stop pitching that idea already!

Yeesh.

By the way, Spike, which of our friends agreed to take us in?

.

.

Wait, who?!

Author's Notes:

This chapter brought to you thanks to a combination of HBO's Chernobyl and the below Simpsons clip.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XktFq2e6PQo

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Living in the Dragon Lands

*HUFF*

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries.

Sorry if I don’t sound as enthusiastic as I usually do, but I’m feeling a bit…exhausted at the moment. In fact, I’ve been feeling a bit exhausted for the past few days, and before you jump to conclusions let me just say that it’s not because I started a new workout routine.

I wish it were that.

No, the reason I’m feeling exhausted is because it’s very, very warm where I am right now, which I am sure has many of you asking where it is I am since it’s wintertime as of this recording. Well the answer to that query is that I’m in the Dragon Lands, and the reason why I’m here is because my castle is uninhabitable at the moment.

I should probably explain things for those who missed the last episode.

Okay, so on the last episode of this vlog I tried learning nuclear physics with Starlight and there was a, um…an accident involving a proton accelerator. I still don’t fully understand how it happened, - nor does our resident nuclear physics degree-holder Starlight for that matter - but somehow the proton accelerator ended up flooding the castle with so much radiation that we can’t live in it. So as you can imagine, Starlight, Spike, Owlowiscious, and I needed a place to stay while the castle is being decontaminated.

Now all of our friends were more than willing to open their homes to us, but unfortunately none of them were actually able to. And let me tell you, some of the reasons for why they couldn’t were pretty strange. Obviously we couldn’t stay with Pinkie or Rainbow Dash because Pinkie’s place is too small and Rainbow’s is made of clouds, but we couldn’t stay with Fluttershy because her house is full of sick animals at the moment nor could we stay with Applejack because she said she and her family are fighting off an infestation of zombie apples.

Whatever those are.

And as for Rarity, weeelll…you know, I don’t think Rarity would want me sharing the reason for why it is we couldn’t stay with her.

*HUFF*

So, yeah, when all of our friends had to regrettably turn us away Spike had the idea of asking Dragon Lord Ember of all creatures if she’d let us stay in the Dragon Lands, to which Ember apparently replied with a very emphatic ‘yes’.

I have no idea why, but I wasn’t about to look a gift pony in the mouth.

Now at first I was actually kind of happy about this because I saw it as an opportunity to learn more about dragon culture, and I’ll admit that I have been able to gain some truly interesting and valuable insights regarding that. But after the first couple days or so, the high temperatures of this place really started to get to me.

.

.

Yes I know it’s a dry heat, Starlight, but that doesn’t make it any better!

Honestly, how is it that you’re not feeling overly warm just standing around here?

.

.

Wait, what do you mean there might be something wrong with me?

.

.

W-What?! You’re saying my heat intolerance might be because I have something like heart disease or hyperthyroidism?!

N-No, that can’t possibly be it. Other than feeling unusually warm I feel perfectly fine, best I’ve ever felt in fact! Hehe.

Note to self: get tested for heart disease and hyperthyroidism as soon as we get home.

*HUFF*

So anyways, I figured I’d record some of my experiences here in the Dragon Lands for research purposes, but Spike had the idea of doing so for an episode of my vlog as well. After all, you know that old saying involving two birds and one stone.

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.

Oh, the dragons have a similar saying, Spike?

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Huh. They just use the word ‘fireball’ instead of ‘stone’? How interesting.

---

Okay, so Starlight just showed me a spell she’s been using since we got here to help her stay cool – that she assumed I’d been using too - and now I’m not feeling like I might get heatstroke at any moment anymore.

Really wish she’d said something about that spell before suggesting that I might have heart disease, but whatever.

Anywhoo, as you can see we’re over by one of the numerous lava pools that the Dragon Lands are famous for, and I’ve actually learned some interesting facts about these in regards to dragon culture. For example, for some time we ponies have assumed that these pools are something akin to what saunas are to us; a place for dragons to relax and unwind. And it turns out that this assumption is, indeed, true. However, since coming here I’ve learned that they’re also akin to social gathering places such as parks are for ponies. Isn’t that fascinating?!

.

.

Oh no, it’s that not-so-nice dragon Garble.

H-Hello, Garble. How are you today?

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Um, my name is actually Twilight Sparkle. Not Twistar Sparklight.

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No, not Twizzle Sprizzle. Twi. Light. Spark. Le.

.

.

No, not Timmy Turner!

I don’t even know where you got that one from.

You know what? It doesn’t matter. Just…is there something I can help you with?

.

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Oh. You want to hang out and hear about how Smolder is doing at school?

Aww. Such a caring brother.

Well sure, I’d love to hang out with you!

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O-Oh, um, I actually can’t go into the lava po – wait, no, Garble, let me go!

Wait! WAIT!

---

Well, that could’ve been incredibly bad.

You know, I actually had a fear that something similar might happen to Starlight if I sent her to the Dragon Lands for friendship studies. I guess it seems that my fear was justified.

I’m not quite sure if I’m happy or sad about that fact.

Just thank goodness Ember came by when she did and said she wanted to talk to me about something right away. Of course she thought I was Starlight, but I sure as heck wasn’t going to correct her given the situation.

So anyways, as you can see we’re now at the hatching grounds, where dragons come to place their eggs to be warmed by the lava pools below the surface. And yes, I’m aware that when molten rock is located below the surface it’s referred to as magma, but despite this the dragons still call them lava pools. So…yeah.

.

Oh, fun fact: in some cases, it can take a female dragon up to 24 hours to lay all of her - oh my gosh! Are you seeing this?! One of the eggs is hatching right before our eyes!

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Come on, little dragon. You can do it.

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Awww! Look at you!

You’re such a cute little baby dragon, yes you are!

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O-Oh, no, sweetie. I’m not your mama.

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Oh dear. She won’t stop calling me mama.

Um, maybe I should go and see if I can find your –

Aaand she’s clinging to me now.

Uh, Ember?! I think we might have a little problem!

---

Okay, this is bad. This is really, really bad. Possibly even worse than if I’d gone into the lava pool with Garble.

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I’ve essentially dragonnapped this baby, Spike! You really think that isn’t going to be problematic when her mother comes looking for her?!

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Yes I know I didn’t directly take her, but she won’t stop clinging to me! And she’s – oof – really latched onto my forehoof.

*LIGHT SHAKING*

Come on, sweetie. You can let go anytime now.

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.

*SIGH*

I don’t know, Spike. Ember said it’s not unusual for baby dragons to become attached to the first creature they see, but this just seems a little…inordinate. I mean I don’t remember you being this clingy after you hatched.

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Yeah, I don’t think trying to teleport her off me is a good idea, Starlight. She just hatched after all, and using such an advanced spell like that on a newborn could be dangerous.

.

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Wait, what?!

How in Tartarus would sawing off my leg be a less dangerous option?!

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I know it would be less dangerous for Kaena, but it would be extremely dangerous for me!

Also, did you just name this baby dragon Kaena?!

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Let’s just…stop talking about saws now.

Look, we need to find a safe and practical solution to this problem. I really don’t want to take somecreature else’s baby, and I sure as heck don’t want to have to go through raising a baby dragon again.

Um…no offense, Spike.

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Huh? What was that, Owlowiscious?

I really wish I could speak owl.

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Ooohhh, I think you’re right, Starlight. Kaena seems to be captivated by Owlowiscious, and if he can captivate her enough she just might let go of me.

Okay, Owlowiscious, see if you can get this baby dragon off of me.

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I think it’s working. Kaena’s grip is starting to lighten up a little.

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Ah-ha! Success!

Thanks, Owlowiscious. Just lead Kaena over to Ember and hopefully she can take her to her mom.

.

Phew.

Well I’m glad that’s over, and not just because I was starting to lose circulation in my forehoof. I mean, can you imagine what could’ve happened if Kaena’s parents saw me with her like that and thought I was trying to steal their baby? We might have been looking at a war between ponies and dragons! Thankfully we were able to keep something like that from happening, and I’d like to believe that no pony out there would ever put Equestria in such a dangerous predicament by taking a baby dragon or a dragon egg. You know, intentionally.

.

Okay, so, I think we’re going to wrap things up for this episode. I’m not sure how much longer we’re going to have to stay here in the Dragon Lands, but hopefully we can return home soon. I really miss Ponyville.

And indoor plumbing.

So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

*HUFF*

Aw dang it. I really hope that’s just because the spell Starlight showed me is wearing off.

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Creating a Comic Strip

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to try…creating a comic strip!

Oooh I’m just so excited for today’s episode because I’ve always wanted to try creating my very own comic strip!

*SQUEE*

.

Hehe.

Sorry about that overzealous introduction, everypony. It’s just…for as long as I can remember I’ve loved reading the comics in the Sunday paper every week and had a desire to try my hoof at creating one of those comics myself. And now I’m actually doing it!

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Oh I was not obsessed with reading the Sunday comics, Spike. I just really liked reading them is all.

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Yes I know I was reading comics during that incident with you and the hornet’s nest when you were younger, but that was just a coincidence. I mean, I’m sure if I’d been reading anything I still wouldn’t have heard you screaming.

Wait, that came out wrong.

Look, the point I’m trying to make here is that I’m not obsessed with reading comic strips, okay? Now can we please move on?

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Thank you.

So anywhoo, everypony, if you’ll follow me over here you’ll see the workstation I’ve set up for this episode.

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See? I’ve got my parchment, graphite pencils, magic eraser, and tortillons all ready to go.

.

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Oh, tortillons are cylindrical drawing tools made of rolled paper, Spike. They’re used to smudge or blend marks and are sometimes referred to as blender stamps, but I like calling them tortillons because I think it’s a fun word to say.

Tortillons.

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Tooortillons.

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Tooortilllons.

Such a fun word.

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Why is the eraser magic?

Well obviously the eraser needs to be magic, Spike. Have you ever tried to erase something using a regular eraser? It never works well enough and no matter how hard you try you can always still see some of what you were trying to erase. That’s why I took the liberty of using my magic to make this eraser much more effective.

.

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Well, no, I haven’t tried it out yet. But come on, Spike, it’s just an eraser. It’s not like an eraser can do much harm to anypony, even if it is magic.

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Oh for –

Fine, Spike. If you want to stand all the way over there then be my guest. Just give me the camera, will you?

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So sorry about that, everypony. Spike’s just been a little on edge around magical items ever since that proton accelerator irradiated the castle a little while back.

Even though the proton accelerator wasn’t a magical item.

Anyways, since we’ve got everything we need to create our comic, let’s get to it!

*SQUEE*

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I have no idea what to do.

S-So, um…it appears that in my eagerness to create a comic strip I neglected to actually come up with an idea for what the comic strip should be about.

But you know what, everypony, this is fine. In fact, this is better than fine. This is great! Now we can explore more of the creative process together!

That should be fun, right?

Now then, to start off I think we should consider the setting of the comic. So where should this comic take place?

Hmm.

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You think a medieval setting would be fun, Spike?

Well I would agree with that, but I don’t think I could come up with very many comics if I went with a medieval setting. I’m not that big on medieval time periods.

.

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Oh, hi, Starlight. We’re just trying to think of a good setting for a comic strip I’m looking to create.

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You think an office setting would be good because a lot of ponies work in an office? Ooh, that’s a good idea!

Wait, no, that wouldn’t work either. An office setting would imply white-collar humor, and since I’ve never worked in an office before I don’t know the first thing about that.

Huh. I think I just gave myself an idea for a future vlog episode.

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Moondancer?! What are you doing here?

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O-Oh. That was today?

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Um, s-sorry, Moondancer. I must have written down the wrong date in my planner for our philosophical study of metaphysics together. The only thing I had in there for today was this vlog episode I’m doing right now where I try and create a comic strip.

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Oh, well you see this is a little embarrassing to admit, but I got ahead of myself and didn’t think of an idea for the comic strip before beginning the episode. So right now I’m trying to think of one, starting with where the comic should take place.

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You think it should take place in a home setting?

Ooh, that’s a good idea! Some of my favorite comic strips take place in a home setting, and it’s one that allows for a multitude of humorous situations!

Thanks, Moondancer!

.

.

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Okay, that doesn’t look too bad.

I admit I’m no Poncasso, but for a comic strip it looks good enough.

Now to figure out the characters and the theme.

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You think I should make the comic about your cat, Moondancer?

Yeeeeah, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure there’s already a well-known and beloved comic strip about a cat.

Plus when did you get a cat?

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You think it should be about a teenager who deals with the challenges of growing up in a surrealist manner, Starlight?

Yeah, again, I’m pretty sure that’s already been done.

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A comic about a boy and his plush toy has already been done too, Spike.

And even if it hadn’t, I’d be hesitant to do a comic based off you and your Rarity plushie anyways.

*SIGH*

This is quickly becoming much harder than I’d originally thought. I just assumed that because I loved comic strips so much that I’d be able to create one of my very own, but that doesn’t appear to be the case. It seems like all the good ideas have already been done, probably due to the fact that comic strips have existed for such a long time.

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I should just do a comic strip about what I know?

Huh. That’s…actually a really good suggestion. Thanks, Pinkie!

Wait.

Pinkie?! When did you get here?!

.

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You’ve been here this whole time?!

That’s…unsettling.

Okay, well, I think I’m just going to try and write a comic strip based on what I know now.

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Um, can everypony please give me a little bit of space? It’s hard to draw when I can feel three ponies and a dragon breathing on me.

.

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Thank you.

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All right, I think I’m done.

Well, what do you all think?

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What do you mean what is it about, Starlight? It’s about friendship, obviously.

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How could you possibly interpret this as being anti-friendship?! It’s clearly presenting the benefits of harmony through a combination of meta-humor and social commentary!

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Thank you, Spike!

At least somepony here gets it.

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Um, thanks, Pinkie. I’m glad you really like the lamp I drew in the background.

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Oh, yeah, I guess you’re right, Moondancer. There’s a random mark protruding from the horn of the unicorn I drew. I better erase it.

.

There we – what?! How come I can still see some of the mark?!

Guess I didn’t erase it hard enough.

*GRUNT*

.

Ugh! Why isn’t my magic eraser erasing this mark completely?!

Maybe…maybe I just didn’t add enough magic to it? Yeah, that’s gotta be it! I just need more magic!

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I know what I’m doing, Moondancer! Now let me power-up my eraser!

*MAGIC INTENSIFYING*

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There!

Now, you annoying little mark, you’re getting erased once and for all!

*HEAVY GRUNTING*

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Oh…oh my.

Um, so it…it would appear that I’ve successfully erased that random mark, but it would also appear I’ve inadvertently erased part of my parchment in the process. And…part of my desk too. And part of…I dunno, the fabric of space?

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Well how else do you explain the eerie white void that appeared where I was just erasing, Starlight? I don’t know how this is possible but somehow my magic eraser has erased part of space itself, leaving behind this…this pure nothingness.

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Spike, if you finish that sentence with the words ‘I told you so’ I swear I’m going confiscate all your comic books!

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.

Oh please, Moondancer. If anything this would’ve been worse if I’d made the comic about your cat.

I’m terrible at drawing cats. They always come out looking like raccoons.

.

.

*SIGH*

Yes, Pinkie, the nothingness is very pretty.

Now can we all please focus on how we’re going to fix this?!

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Oh, yeah. Good point, Starlight.

Well, everypony, I think we’ve reached the end of this episode since I seem to have accidentally broken a facet of reality as we know it. So as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

No, Pinkie! Don’t touch the hole in the fabric of space!

Author's Notes:

What's your favorite comic strip, everyone?

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Solving the Zero Theorem

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to be trying something that many great ponies have been attempting to do throughout the history of Equestria. Ponies such as Starswirl the Bearded and Somnambula, to name a few.

Today, I’m going to try…solving the Zero Theorem!

Now I’m sure that most of you don’t have a subscription to Mathematics & Physics Quarterly like I do, so allow me to explain just what the Zero Theorem is. It’s a little complicated, but basically it’s a theorem that, if correct, would prove what’s known as the Big Crunch Theory, which is a belief that at some point the entire universe will stop expanding and start condensing into a massive blackhole from which everything will eventually get squeezed into a single point of zero-dimension.

If that’s too much of a sciencey explanation for you, just think of the Zero Theorem as a mathematical formula that would prove that everything is meaningless.

I know, kinda depressing, right?

So at this point you might be wondering why it is that I, or anypony for that matter, would want to try solving the Zero Theorem. What possible reason could somepony have for wanting to prove that all is for nothing? Now obviously I can’t speak for other ponies who’ve worked on this before, but for me that reason is because of the challenge that trying to solve the Zero Theorem offers. I’ve been told that the Zero Theorem is believed by many to be unsolvable, and telling me that a math problem is unsolvable is like telling Rainbow Dash that no pony can fly through Ghastly Gorge in under two minutes; you may as well be saying, ‘I dare you to prove me wrong.’

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Oh come on, Spike, the Zero Theorem is just a math problem. I know it’s a little scary to think that everything is meaningless and that there’s a way to prove it, but it’s not like a math problem can hurt you.

.

.

Okay, I’ll admit that a math problem can give you a pretty nasty headache.

I can attest to that personally.

But regardless, it’s like I said earlier, the Zero Theorem is something that ponies have been working on for a long time. Even if it does turn out to be solvable there’s virtually no chance that I’m going to be able to solve it in my lifetime, let alone before the end of this vlog episode.

Honestly, my only real goal here is to just add to the equation and join the list of great ponies who have contributed to it throughout the years.

.

.

What do you mean do I think I’m smart enough to add to the equation?! Need I remind you that my math grades were among the best in my class when I was in school?!

.

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Aaand now he’s questioning the quality of Princess Celestia’s curriculum.

Look, Spike, I know that this is something I can do. Maybe I won’t be as good at it as Starswirl or Somnambula were, but I know for certain that I can at least contribute a little bit to the Zero Theorem.

Now then, everypony, I think it’s time we got things rolling. So if you’ll just follow me over here I’ll show you the special machine we’ll be using for today’s episode.

.

Ta-da!

What you’re looking at right now is the Ponycom Neural Net Poncrive, a special computer constructed solely for the purpose of calculating complex mathematical formulas such as the Zero Theroem. Normally it’s housed in a restricted wing of the Canterlot Archives, but both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were kind enough to allow me to borrow it and bring it to the castle for today’s episode.

I just have to return it before next Tuesday.

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Yes, Spike, I know how to use this thing. I made sure to read through the 1,346-page Ponycom manual thoroughly before today.

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Oh for –

I’m sure I don’t need to read through it again to make sure I got everything. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get the Ponycom booted up.

.

There we are.

So now that our special computer is on, everypony, we can – Spike?

Spike?! Where’d you go?!

.

Huh.

Okay, well, I guess Spike had to run to the bathroom or something. While we wait for him to get back, I can show you all a little more of the Ponycom.

So as you can see on the display here, 0 currently equals 93.78926%. What we want to do is get 0 to equal 100%, and how we go about doing that is by completing a series of mathematical equations known as entities and then plugging those entities into the larger formula. Let me just bring up one real quick to show you.

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All right, so this is what an entity looks like, and don’t you just love it?! It’s so intricate, so complex, so…beautiful.

*SNIFFLE*

Sorry, everypony. I just…I really love math.

Now then, I believe I’ve explained everything that I wanted to, so let’s get started, everypony!

Okay, looks like we need to take the derivative of this right here…figure out the cosine of that…carry the 1 over there…

---

Phew.

I can see why so many ponies have had to work on the Zero Theorem over the years. I’ve only been working on this for a few hours and already I’m beginning to feel exhausted. I mean, so many of the entities refuse to remain crunched. Practically every time I solve one and plug it into the equation it undoes another entity.

I feel like Sisyphus trying to push that rock up the hill.

*SIGH*

I know I said earlier that I welcomed the challenge that trying to solve this thing offered, but right now I’m starting to think I might have gotten in over my head here.

.

.

I don’t know, Spike. Part of me feels it’s a good idea to stop here before I really start to feel burned out, but another part of me really wants to keep going and see just how far I can go with this. I mean, in just a few hours I’ve managed to get 0 to equal 94.27519%, so who knows what I could get it up to with another few hours of work.

.

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Ooh, going to get a snack from Sugar Cube Corner together does sound like fun, but maybe let’s hold off on that until later, okay? I’m going to keep plugging away at the Zero Theorem for a bit longer.

.

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Um, is it just me or did Spike seem a little huffy as he left just now?

I sure hope he’s not feeling backed-up again.

Welp, back to the grind.

Okay, take the sum of the square root here…plug that into that part there..

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.

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Whoa, whoa. Calm down, Spike, tell me what’s going on.

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That ice cream cart with the fudge ripple I like so much is right outside the castle?!

*SQUEE*

Okay, I’m going to go get some bits and then get myself some fudge ripple! Do you want anything, Spike?

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Right, right. Gotta hurry before she’s gone.

Be right back!

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Um, I don’t see an ice cream cart out here. I guess I must have just missed it and – wait a second, I see what’s going on here; Spike lied about the ice cream cart. He just wanted to get me away from the Zero Theorem for a few moments because he thinks I’m working too hard on it.

*SIGH*

I certainly appreciate Spike’s concern for my well-being but I really wish he hadn’t lied about the ice cream cart being right outside the castle, and not just because lying is wrong.

Now I’m hungry for fudge ripple.

Okay, well, since there’s no ice cream out here I guess I’ll get back to working on the Zero Theorem.

.

.

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Wait, do you all hear that weird noise?

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What the -?!

SPIKE, STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE PONYCOM?!

.

*GRUNT*

Get…off of there this instant, young dragon!

.

.

I said…get off of it! NOW!

.

*HUFF*

Wow, he was really on there good.

Now then, Spike, I hope you have a good explanation for why it was you were attacking the Ponycom just now!

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No, don’t lie to me and say you were just taking a closer look at it! You were clearly trying to damage it, and I want to know why!

In fact, I want to know what’s been up with you all day! You’ve questioned my intellect and Princess Celestia’s teaching abilities to the point of being borderline insulting, lied to me about there being an ice cream cart outside the castle, and now I find you trying to damage the special computer that the princesses let me borrow; where the hay is all of this coming from?!

.

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Oh…oh my. He’s crying.

S-Spike?

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.

You…you don’t want me working on the Zero Theorem because you’re afraid that I’ll solve it, and that when I prove that everything is meaningless then I’ll stop loving you?

Oh, Spike. Come here, let me give you a hug.

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I’m so sorry, Spike. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize you were feeling that way.

But you know, you don’t have to worry about the Zero Theorem affecting how I feel about you.

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Of course I mean that. It doesn’t matter to me if the universe is going to collapse into a single point of zero-dimension someday. Until that day comes – if it even comes during my lifetime - I’m going to continue to be the same pony I’ve always been. I’ll still continue to run the School of Friendship, spend time with my friends, and be there for you whenever you need me.

Even if everything is meaningless, you’ll always mean everything to me, Spike.

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Thank you, Spike. I accept your apology. And I wouldn’t worry about the Ponycom, I don’t think you did any damage to it that can’t be fixed with a little duct tape.

Note to self: borrow some duct tape from Applejack later.

.

.

Oh, that’s okay, I think I’m done with this episode now. I managed to increase 0 by 0.48593%, so I feel like I’ve reached my goal of contributing to the Zero Theorem. And besides, I’m not so sure I would’ve been able to solve much more of it before burning myself out anyways.

Now come on, let’s go get that snack from Sugar Cube Corner. I’m really in the mood for some fudge ripple ice cream since somepony brought it up earlier.

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Okay, just give me a second to wrap things up here.

Well, everypony, this certainly turned out to be a more eventful episode than I thought it would be, but after everything that’s happened I’m just glad it’s ending on a good note.

So as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Hmm.

Maybe next episode I should try solving the Transfinite Quantum Paradox.

Author's Notes:

This chapter inspired by Terry Gilliam's underrated masterpiece. If you've never seen The Zero Theorem I highly recommend giving it a watch.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Damage Control

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Today’s episode is a very exciting one, and not just because it happens to be the 60^th episode of this vlog.

I mean that’s still a pretty exciting reason, it’s just not the main reason.

No, today’s episode is so exciting because it’s also doubling as my official announcement of a new agency within the Equestrian government! So please allow me to introduce this new agency of bureaucracy and the thing that I’ll be trying today…Damage Control!

Now what exactly is Damage Control you may ask? Well basically, it’s going to be a department that will handle all of the clean-up and repair work after a major catastrophe within Equestria. Because as I’m sure many of you are aware, Equestria tends to suffer through a large number of catastrophes each year, including but not limited to floods, invasions, and bunny stampedes. And before you say anything, yes, bunny stampedes are considered a catastrophe by the Equestrian Emergency Management Agency, or EEMA.

Much to my surprise, research has shown that bunny stampedes are typically the second leading cause of commercial property damage in Ponyville every year. Right behind party cannon misfires.

So now that you know what Damage Control is you may be wondering how it is I’ll be trying it today. The answer to that question is that I’ll be the pony leading the pilot program for this new agency - because apparently a pilot program is something that’s needed before a new government agency can be fully implemented.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I didn’t know that beforehoof.

But anywhoo, since Damage Control is starting off as a pilot program we weren’t given much in terms of funding. In fact, we were given so little money that I had to call out for volunteers to make up the crew. When I did that I was a little worried that I wasn’t going to get enough responses for this to actually work, but thankfully I got plenty of replies from a number of great and capable ponies.

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*SIGH*

Yes, Trixie, including one pony who’s great, capable, and powerful.

Oy vey.

Okay, everypony, so why don’t I show you who all volunteered to be a part of this pilot program? As you’ve probably already noticed, Trixie is here. And over here we have Applejack, and next to her are Roseluck and Lily Valley. Over there you’ll see the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Bulk Biceps, and right next to me you’ll see Derpy.

Hold on.

Derpy?

Um, hello there. Can I help you with something?

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You’re here to volunteer for the Damage Control pilot program?

Oh, um, I’m sorry. I don’t remember seeing your name on the list of volunteers.

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Oh no, it’s not a problem. I’ll just need you to fill out and sign a few forms before you get started.

Where did I put those forms?

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Okay, if you could just fill out this emergency contact sheet.

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And sign this liability waiver here.

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And lastly sign this form full of legal jargon that no pony understands.

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Great! Thank you for all of that.

If you’ll just wait over there with the other volunteers we’ll be getting started shortly.

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All right, everypony, so now that you know who’s all here let me explain just what it is we’ll be doing.

If you just look over there, you’ll see that a few of these buildings and landscaping areas on the outskirts of Ponyville have been damaged as the result of a rogue storm cloud that accidentally got released from the Cloudsdale Weather Factory. The extent of damage is pretty much just cosmetic and superficial, so thankfully it’s something that we can address without needing any professional construction and repair ponies. It’s still going to be a lot of hard work though, but I know our volunteers are up to the task! So let’s get to it!

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Attention please, volunteers!

Before we get started, I just want to thank you all for being here. Because of you generously sharing your time today I’m sure that this pilot program will be a great success and lead to Damage Control becoming a full-fledged agency dedicated to helping ponies affected by catastrophes.

.

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*SIGH*

Yes, Trixie, I promise that this will count towards your court-ordered community service.

Honestly, you'd think that pony would've stop selling untested magic fireworks in a back alley at midnight after being convicted for doing so the first time.

Okay, so to start things off let’s have Applejack, Bulk, and Derpy remove the damaged boards from the buildings. Trixie and the crusaders, you can break down all of the damaged boards and take them to the disposal bin. Rose and Lily, you two can work on getting the landscaping areas cleaned up and replanted.

All right, team, Damage Control on three. One…two…three!

DAMAGE CONTROL!

.

How come no pony else shouted with me?

Ahem.

L-Let’s just get started.

---

Phew.

Okay, so we’ve been at this for a little over two hours now, and so far things have been going pretty smoothly. Everypony’s been doing a great job, and at this rate I thank we’ll be done in another couple of hours.

.

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*SIGH*

Yes, Trixie, you’ve been doing a great and powerful job.

I really need to stop saying the word ‘great’ around that pony.

*CRACK*

Wait, what was that noise just now?

.

Oh dear.

Um, Derpy, Bulk? I don’t think that damaged panel can be removed whole.

.

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Well I mean it’s only damaged on the one end and it’s a pretty long panel, so maybe just put it back for now. we can see if Applejack has a saw or something that we can use to –

*CRACK*

Okay, that sounded worse than the last one.

.

*CRACK*

It’s not going to hold! Everypony, clear the area!

.

*CRASH*

.

Aaaand now there’s a giant hole in the side of this building. But at least everypony seems to be okay.

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Oh, d-don’t worry about it, you two. It’s…not that bad. It was only the majority of the east-facing wall that collapsed, so I think the building as a whole can still be saved.

Hopefully.

.

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Yeah, we’re all fine, Rose. We just had a, um…little mishap with getting one of the damaged panels off of this building.

But let’s not focus on that right now. How are you and Lily coming along with the landscaping area over by the other building?

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Great! Let me come take a look.

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Um, Rose? How come there’s so much dirt missing from right up against the foundation of this building?

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Because of the roots, huh?

I’m not quite sure what kind of roots you’re referring to, but all right.

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Well, yes, I am a bit concerned. This is a multi-story building and I just think that removing such a large amount of dirt from its foundation is going to make it structurally unstable.

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You do this sort of thing all the time so it should be fine?

Well, okay. If this is something you do regularly and it’s never been a problem before than I suppose I have nothing to –

*CRACK*

Oh no. Not again.

Everypony, clear the area!

.

*CRASH*

.

Okay, so now we’ve lost an entire building.

*DEEP BREATH*

I think I’m just going to pop on over to where Trixie and the CMCs are working real quick and see how things are going with them.

Please let everything be going fine with them, please let everything be going fine with them.

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Oh thank Celestia, everything seems to be going fine with them.

Hi there, girls. Just wanted to come and see how everything was going over here and – um, girls? Where’s the disposal bin? And where did this big hole in the ground come from?

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Huh?

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No, no, I heard you the first time. It’s just…I didn’t even know it was possible to overfill a disposal bin so much that it could sink Celestia-knows-how-far down into the Earth, but here we are.

And of course we have Trixie to thank for that.

By the way, where is Trixie?

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She ran off, huh?

Well then, I guess that means I won’t be signing her community service paperwork.

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Yeah, just…give me a minute or two to figure all of this out, girls. In the meantime, you should probably stay away from this hole just in case it gets bigger. And stay away from any of the damaged buildings too.

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Well, everypony, it would appear that this whole Damage Control thing is doing the exact opposite of what I intended it to do. Instead of cleaning up damage we seem to be causing damage, and a lot of it.

Far more than your average bunny stampede or party cannon misfire.

I suppose in hindsight asking random volunteers to do all of this probably wasn’t the best idea.

Actually, in further hindsight, the volunteers wouldn’t have offered much of an accurate portrayal of what Damage Control would be all about on a massive scale anyways. I mean, this proposed agency was to address serious damage caused by catastrophic events, and all we tried addressing today was some superficial damage caused by a single storm cloud.

Plus, in even further hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have allowed fillies to volunteer for such potentially dangerous work either.

Boy, this pilot program was pretty much doomed to fail right from the start.

.

You know what though? I’m not going to be deterred. I still believe that Damage Control is a good idea, and I think I just need to lobby a bit harder for enough funding to hire professional construction and repair ponies for it.

Assuming what’s happened here today hasn’t kiboshed the idea with the EEMA.

But anyways, I think it’s about time to wrap up this episode. So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I'll go help all of the volunteers clean up the messes we made while doing our clean-up.

Well, that certainly felt weird to say.

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to MLPMekarm for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Playing a Fighting Game

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

So as you’ve probably already guessed by my appearance, today’s episode is going to be one that takes place in Sunset Shimmer’s world. And as you’ve probably also guessed from what’s going on behind me, Sunset is going to be a part of this episode! Right now she’s just getting everything set up for what it is I’ll be trying today, and what it is I’ll be trying today is…playing a fighting game!

Now just to be clear, when I say ‘fighting game’ I’m referring to a videogame, not a real-life game. As the Princess of Friendship, I obviously don’t condone the playing of real-life fighting games where ponies can get hurt.

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Okay, let’s not turn this episode into a debate on the ethics of fighting in general, Sunset. As far as I’m concerned any kind of fighting in real-life is bad because it can lead to real-life harm, but virtual fighting is okay because the characters in the games aren’t real and therefore don’t actually get harmed.

.

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Ha ha, Sunset. As interesting as that theory is, I highly doubt that the characters within fighting games are secretly sentient and capable of feeling pain.

At least I sure hope not, given what we’re about to do.

But getting back to the topic at-hoof, everypony, the reason why I’m going to try and play a fighting game today is because I’m actually going to be helping Sunset by doing so. You see, Sunset has a vlog of her own, called Shimmer Code, that focuses on videogames. Now typically episodes of Shimmer Code are about Sunset playing videogames either alone or with a friend, but for today’s episode she wanted to try doing something a little different; she wanted to try teaching a non-gamer how to play fighting games.

Pretty interesting idea, don’t you think?

Turns out though that there was just one problem with Sunset’s plan: just about everyone in this world she knows has played a fighting game at least once in their life, and those few who haven’t declined to participate.

I’m told Rarity declined rather tempestuously, calling fighting games ‘uncouth and gauche’.

So in order for her idea to come to fruition, Sunset was forced to come back to Equestria to look for a suitable participant. Of course she didn’t have to look very long or very far though, because as soon as she stepped through the portal and told me what it was she was looking for I immediately volunteered.

.

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What was that, Sunset? We’re all set up and ready to go?

Okay, be right there!

Well, everypony, seems like we’re about to get started. So wish me luck, because in all honesty I have no idea how well this is going to go.

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All right, Sunset, teach away!

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First I need to select a character? Hmm, let’s see.

Boy, there sure are a lot of interesting characters in this game.

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Is this one just a high-schooler?

.

Oh! I think I’ll go with this strong-looking martial arts girl.

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Now that I’ve selected my character I should go to Training Mode? All right.

Training Mode…Training Mode…

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Ah, there it is.

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Okay, we’re in training mode. So what now?

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Learning the basics? Sounds good.

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Uh-huh.

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Use this button to do a light punch?

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And this button to do a heavy kick?

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All right, I think I’ve gotten the hang of the basics. What’s next?

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Combos?

Ooh, those sound fun.

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A spinning what kick?

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Oh, a spinning bird kick. So how do I do that?

.

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Got it. Here goes!

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Oh, wow. That's an…interesting move.

Um, what other moves does this character have?

.

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Uh-huh. The hazanshu.

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The kikoken.

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The aerial hundred lightening kick.

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Hey, that one’s pretty neat.

And you know what? This isn’t nearly as complicated as I thought it would be.

I have to admit, Sunset, I’m enjoying this more than I thought I would. I never knew that fighting games could be so much fun! Do you think we could maybe play a match now?

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Pleeeease, Sunset? Just one match?

.

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*SQUEE*

All right, let’s get out of Training Mode and into Versus Mode!

.

Ooh, Sunset chose the military guy. Interesting.

.

Here we go; round one…fight!

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Ha! Got you with the kikoken, Sunset! Now for a – wait, what?! D-Did you just grab me while I was jumping?!

I didn’t know that was possible.

Well, no biggie. Once you get a taste of my spinning bird – huh?! How the hay did you hit me while I was in the middle of my spinning bird kick?!

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Oh, this isn’t good. Sunset’s backed me up against the corner.

Um, um…aerial hundred lightening kick!

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Aaaand I lost.

All right, well, round one may have gone to you, Sunset, but I’ll be taking rounds two and three.

.

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Oh, we’re definitely going to round three! Just you wait and see!

Come on, Twilight, you got this. Eye of the gryphon.

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What the -?!

How did she move so quickly after the round just started?

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*GRUNT*

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What?! Why did my character just do a low kick?! I didn’t tell her to do that!

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I didn’t, Sunset! There must be something wrong with this controller!

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Okay, okay. Just calm down, Sunset. I take it back, there’s nothing wrong with my controller.

Note to self: Blaming the controller greatly aggravates other players.

.

.

.

Aaaand I lost again.

*SIGH*

All right, I have to know something, Sunset; how did you manage to beat me so effectively? I mean I get that you won because you’re more skilled at playing fighting games than I am, but the way you beat me was so, so…unmitigated. What’s your secret?

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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Sunset.

Meaty and combo starter? Defense-crushing maneuver? Recovery on hit advantage?

I have no idea what any of that means.

Um, okay then. It’s clear from all those things you just mentioned that I still have a lot to learn about fighting games, so can we maybe go back into Training Mode and you can explain to me what all that stuff means?

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Great!

Um, just give me one quick second before we do that.

.

So I think I’m going to stop recording for now, everypony. I have a feeling that the stuff Sunset’s about to teach me is going to take quite a bit of time, which means that it’s probably best to break here and return once we’re done in Training Mode.

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What was that, Sunset?

.

.

I should keep recording and just do a training montage?

Huh. I have always wanted to try doing a montage in one of my vlog episodes.

All right, everypony, new plan: I am going to record the stuff Sunset’s about to teach me and then edit it into a montage! Though full disclosure, I have no idea how to properly segue into a montage, so I’m just going to transition into it by saying this: MONTAGE TIME!

---

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK4gv11PTI8

---

Phew.

Yep, that training took a long time just like I thought it would. Though I think that time was definitely well spent. I learned a whole lot of new and interesting things about fighting games, and not just from a gameplay standpoint either. Turns out there’s quite a bit of math involved in optimizing one’s skills as a gamer, including but not limited to Nash-Equilibrium and the Lemke-Howson Algorithm. But I know you don’t want me to go too much into all that math stuff, so let’s get back to the fighting!

Ready, Sunset?

.

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All right. Let’s do this!

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*GRUNT*

Geez. Sunset sure loves those drive rush combo extensions.

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Ha! I knew you’d fall for that frame trap, Sunset! Now feel the wrath of my mid-screen punish counter drive impact combo!

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Yes! Round one goes to me!

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Yeah, yeah, Sunset. You ‘went easy on me’, sure. You just keep telling yourself that while I’m kicking your butt in round two.

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Good. I got her in the corner early.

Corner drive impact!

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Yeah, that’s right, I added a super at the end for more damage.

You trained me well, Sunset. Perhaps a little too well.

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Rats. She got out of the corner.

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.

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Oh, impressive move, Sunset; sneaking in a drive rush mix-up after your sonic boom like that. But don’t get too cocky.

Level 2 super, go!

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Yes! Got her right where I want her!

TENSHO KICK COMBO!

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I…I won?

I won!

*SQUEE*

.

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GG? What does that mean, Sunset?

.

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Oh, it’s short for ‘good game’. How interesting.

Ooh, I’m learning all sorts neat gamer lingo!

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Do I want to try playing another fighting game? Absolutely!

Just give me a second to sign-off on my vlog first.

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Well, everypony, I think we’ve reached the end of this episode. As fun as it would be to keep recording while Sunset and I play all kinds of other fighting games together, I just feel that doing so would make this episode too long. And I’m not just saying that to avoid a ton of work in post.

Though I will admit, the time it’s probably going to take me to properly edit that montage is playing a factor in this decision.

So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

Ooh, that game sounds interesting, Sunset. The ‘Mortal’ in the title makes me feel like it’s going to be intense.

Author's Notes:

Special thank to everyone who suggested various fighting games! Sorry I was only able to work-in one of them.

Also, sorry if some of the fighting game terminology in this chapter is wrong. I had to research most of it since I didn't play many of fighting games back when I was a gamer.

I was always more of an RPG kinda gal.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Working in an Office

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Boy, am I excited for today’s episode! It’s one that I’m sure is going to be super exciting, and one that just might possibly end up being the best episode of this vlog yet! So, what is this potentially greatest episode ever about, you may ask? Well, today’s episode is about me trying to…work in an office!

Yay.

.

*SIGH*

Okay, look, I know that working in an office doesn’t sound like a super exciting premise for a vlog episode, but I’m trying to be optimistic here. I’m fully aware that office jobs – and white-collar jobs in general – are typically seen as mundane and uneventful, but despite this conventional belief I feel that spending some time working in an office could be both fun and educational.

Wait, should I really say, ‘both fun and educational’? It seems kind of redundant since things that are educational are usually also fun.

Eh, whatever. I’ve already said it.

So with all that said, for this episode I’ll be spending a week here at Daisy Meadow Parchment Company, a company that, as you’ve probably guessed, sells parchment and parchment accessories. This is the company that my friend Rarity uses to get parchment for her invoices, and it’s actually thanks to her that I’m able to try working in an office for this episode. Apparently, Rarity and the manager of the Daisy Meadow Ponyville branch are business friends, and when she told this manager I was looking to try and spend some time working in an office the manager said I’d be more than welcome to come in and work for them for a few days.

I believe Rarity said they’re temporarily in need of a receptionist or something like that.

Okay, I believe that was everything I needed to say for the intro. So let’s head inside and get this episode underway, everypony!

---

Day 1

Oh, I think that’s the manager over there.

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Hello! I’m Twilight Sparkle, your temporary receptionist.

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Wow. This manager is certainly…quite the character.

Okay, well, it’s nice to meet you too, Ms. Scotia. If you can just show me to my workstation I can get started right away.

.

Ooh, this is a nice desk.

So, what is it that I’ll be doing exactly?

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That’s all? Just taking calls and greeting visitors?

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Oh, no, the job doesn’t seem too difficult. I’m sure I can handle doing this all day long.

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Sorry, that’s what who said?

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Never mind?

All righty then.

.

Aaaand she’s gone.

Okay, I guess I’ll just have a seat and wait for a phone call or a visitor.

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Oof.

This desk may be nice but this chair sure isn’t.

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Oh, hello there! Nice to meet you! I’m Twilight, and I’m filling in at reception for a while.

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Um, no. I wasn’t told what happened to the usual receptionist.

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She was decapitated?! Oh my goodness!

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Uh-huh.

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Uh…huh.

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Okay, well, thank you very much for informing me of that. Again, nice to meet you.

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Yeeeah, I don’t think that pony was being all that truthful about what happened to the previous receptionist.

Plus, I’m pretty sure she was wrong about a pony being able to go on for several hours after being decapitated.

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Oh, it looks like another one of my coworkers is coming over here.

Hello! I’m Twilight, I’m filling in at reception for a while. Is there something I can help you with?

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You want me to look in my desk drawer?

Um, okay.

.

What the -?

Why is my stapler encased in…what is this? Gelatin?

Oh, hang on, I get it; pranking the new pony, huh? Well I’m no stranger to pranksters, and I have to say that this is a pretty clever prank. Good job!

.

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Why would I have been upset? Pranks are all in good fun, right?

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Uh-huh. I look forward to working with you too.

Bye.

.

He seems nice.

*RING*

Ooh, my first phone call.

Ahem.

.

Daisy Meadow, this is Twilight.

---

Day 2

So my first day went pretty well, but I have to admit that it was a bit mundane and uneventful like convention said it would be.

Though I have to say, meeting all of the ponies who work in this office was a real treat. They’re all so different but they manage to work so well together in what is perhaps one of the greatest testaments to the power of friendship I’ve ever seen. There are a few ponies who have a rocky relationship or two with some of their coworkers, but even those ponies clearly still care about everypony here at the end of the day. It’s just…it’s kind of touching, you know?

.

Huh? An announcement over the intercom?

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Ooh, there are free pretzels in the lobby! I think I’ll just head down there for a minute and – wah!

T-That mare just about ran me over on her way to the lobby.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pony get so excited over a pretzel before.

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Oh, hello, Ms. Scotia.

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Would I like to hear a joke? Sure!

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Oh boy.

Um, identity theft is not a joke, ma’am. There are many ponies who suffer from it every year.

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What? N-No, I’m not saying that you aren’t funny, I’m just saying that your joke wasn’t funny.

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What?!

Ms. Scotia, I really don’t think you need to do that! Why don’t we just take a minute to sit down and -

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Okay, the manager just quit…all because I didn’t like her joke.

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So what now?

---

Day 3

Soooo, remember yesterday how the manager of this Daisy Meadow branch suddenly quit because I didn’t think her identity theft joke was funny? Well after the ponies at Daisy Meadow corporate found out about it they decided to make me the new manager. Don’t ask me why though, because I have absolutely no idea why those ponies thought that making a temporary receptionist the new manager was even remotely a good decision.

Especially since I still know next to nothing about parchment and parchment accessories.

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Fire?

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Fire!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!

Okay, stay calm, everypony! Just follow me down to the lobby and – no pony is listening to me.

*CRASH*

Ponies, please! There are emergency procedures for situations like this! If you’ll just listen to me -

*CRASH*

ARGH!

Why won’t any of these ponies listen to me?!

---

Day 4

So, yeah, you know that fire that happened here yesterday? Turns out it was started when one of the employees left their cheese pita in the toaster oven for too long. Thankfully the damage it caused was minimal and no pony was hurt, but the whole incident took a lot out of me.

*SIGH*

I’m not sure where the notion that office jobs are mundane and uneventful came from, but I’m quickly starting to believe that that notion is baloney. I mean, yeah, my first day at this office was fairly humdrum, but the last two days around here have been crazy.

Maybe it’s just this particular office that’s so kooky.

*SNIFF*

Oof.

Is somepony making soup? There’s a smell in here all of a sudden that’s pretty potent.

.

Nope, not soup. Looks like one of the employees is eating a hard-boiled egg at their desk.

*HEAVE*

Ah geez. One of the other employees just threw up because of the egg smell.

*HEAVE*

Okay, another…another employee just…humph…threw up.

*HEAVE*

Ooooh not good. Seeing all of these ponies throwing up is…is making me feel like I’m…I’m…

Cut! Cut!

---

Day 5

Well, today is already off to an interesting start. When I came in this morning there was a giant chili stain on the floor, somepony’s desk was completely wrapped in Hearth’s Warming paper, and another pony’s desk had been moved into one of the restrooms.

You know, at this point I’m not even sure I’m working at a parchment company anymore. I think what happened is I accidentally wandered into a psychiatric hospital that’s being run by the patients and now I’m stuck here for the rest of my life.

That might explain why Ms. Scotia left the way she did.

.

Huh. A number of the office supplies that are usually in this desk are missing. In fact, just about every office supply that’s usually in this desk is missing.

Excuse me, everypony, but do any of you know what happened to my supplies?

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Somepony put them in the vending machine in the breakroom?!

Huh…I…are you serious right now?!

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Just a prank? Just a prank?!

No. Gifting a pony some flowers covered in sneezing powder is a prank. Placing a pony’s stapler in gelatin is a prank. Stealing a pony’s personal property and hiding it from them is not a prank! It isn’t funny! In fact, it’s pretty unfunny!

RAAAHHH!

*CRASH*

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Um, s-so sorry that I just, um…kicked a hole in the wall, everypony. That was definitely an overreaction. Heh heh.

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I think I’m just going to go. It’s been really great being your receptionist/manager these last few days, but I think once corporate hears about this they aren’t going to want me to stick around, so I’m just going to leave now.

Bye!

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Well, this certainly isn’t how I expected things to go. I…I just can’t believe that I got so upset that I kicked a hole in the wall. I guess the stress of working in that office caused me to lose control of my emotions for a moment and, well…damage company property.

I should probably contact Daisy Meadows corporate and explain what happened. And tell them that I’ll pay for the repairs to the wall too.

So I think it goes without saying that we’ve reached the end of this episode. So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Now how do I get out of here again?

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Geez. You’d think after working here for five days I’d know my way around this place by now.

Maybe the exit’s down this way?

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.

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Wah!

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D-Did you see that pony just now?! They looked like some sort of, I dunno…recycling cyclops!

Author's Notes:

Bears.
Beets.
Battlestar Galactica.

*SIGH*

So many jokes I wanted to work into this chapter but wasn't able to.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Building a Robot

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to try…building a robot!

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For the twelfth time, Spike, it’s not going to be that kind of robot!

Honestly, how many times do I have to repeat myself on this?

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Heh heh. Sorry about that, everypony. Spike has been reading a lot of science fiction comics as of late, and as a result he’s had this fear for the past couple of weeks that robots are going to someday bring about the end of the world. Which of course is ridiculous because it’s obvious that it’ll be Morlocks who will most likely bring about the end of the world, but I digress.

Getting back on track, the reason I’m going to try building a robot today is because robotics has always been a scientific field that’s always intrigued me. Well, a scientific field that’s especially intrigued me since the vast majority of them intrigue me to some degree.

I really like science.

Anywhoo, thanks to princess duties being pretty light lately and the School of Friendship being closed for the summer I’ve finally found enough time to pursue studying robotics beyond just the introductory level. Over the past few days, I’ve been reading a number of books about how robots are built and operate, and thanks to the knowledge I’ve gained from those books I feel like I can try and build a robot with my own two forehooves!

*SQUEE*

Now just to be clear, when I say that I’m going to build a robot I’m not talking about building one of those Tikbalang robots you often see in movies that becomes self-aware, turns evil, and tries to destroy the world. The kind of robot that I’m going to try building will be a simple manipulator, like the types of robots you see on factory floors – only small enough to fit on a table. It’ll have no artificial intelligence or learning software of any kind, so there’s no chance it’ll gain sentience, let alone become Tartarusbent on destroying the world.

.

.

I don’t care about what happened in your sci-fi comic book, Spike! There’s no possible way this type of robot can become self-aware!

The genre is called science fiction for a reason.

Anyways, if you’ll just follow me over to the workstation I’ve set up for this episode we can get started.

.

Okay, so as you can see, I have everything we need to build our robot: screws, nuts, various components such as brackets and digital servos, and, of course, all necessary tools and safety equipment. And in case you were wondering where it was I got all of these things, the short answer is that I got them from Starlight. The long answer is, well…there really isn’t one because Starlight told me not to ask any questions when she gave me everything.

She’s been telling me to not ask questions a lot lately.

But enough of Starlight’s suspicious behavior for now, let’s get this robot built!

Now, where’d I leave the instructions?

.

Ah, here they are.

Okay, what’s first?

.

Uh-huh. Attach the axle to the motor.

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Screw the motor into the side plate.

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Attach the first actuator to the second actuator.

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Hook up the arduino mega to the dm542 stepper drivers.

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Attach the claw to the top of the arm.

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Aaaaaand…done!

Wow, that wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. I mean, I wouldn’t exactly say that building this robot was easy, but it sure wasn’t as much of an arduous task as I thought it would be.

So, since we still have some time before this episode runs too long, how about we give this robot a few tests to see how well it works? It’s probably best to start out with something simple, so let’s have it try and wave at us.

I just need to move the joystick like this, and…

.

Aww. That’s actually kind of cute.

Hello, little robot.

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The robot’s not alive, Spike! I told it to wave like that using the controller!

Okay, now let’s see if it can do something more complicated, like picking up an item and safely moving it from one end of the table to the other. But what to have it try and move?

.

Ah! This apple should be perfect!

All right, here goes.

.

Easy…easy. So far so good.

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Almost there.

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Yes! Got it!

I have to admit, I wasn’t sure the robot was actually going to be able to pull that off. I half-expected the claw to crush the apple at some point during the move.

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Oh, hi there, Applejack! What brings you by for a visit?

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Oh, no, don’t worry, you’re not interrupting anything. I was just testing out this robot I built for an episode of my vlog.

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W-What?!

No, no, I didn’t build this robot to take anypony’s job! I just built it for fun and to see if I could, honest!

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Okay, okay, I promise; once I’m done with this vlog episode I’ll dismantle the robot so that it doesn’t steal any jobs from any hard-working ponies.

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You’re leaving now? But didn’t you come here for someth – aaand she’s gone.

Huh. I have to say, when I decided to build a robot for this vlog I didn’t expect to be accused of trying to replace ponies and their jobs with robots.

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Oh for –

Spike, can you please go find something to do while I finish filming this vlog episode?!

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Well after you tried to destroy the PonyCom during the Zero Theorem episode I’m not entirely sure you aren’t planning on trying to destroy my robot.

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Really? Well if that's true, how come you’re holding a wrench behind your back right now?

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Because you’re going to fix a leak in the bathroom sink, huh?

Okay, well, you’d best head to the bathroom right away to take care of that leak then.

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Yes, yes, I’ll stay here and dismantle the robot right after I finish wrapping up this episode.

Just go, please.

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You know, if there was a way for me to place a bet with all of you ponies watching this episode right now, I’d bet you 10:1 that there isn’t actually a leak in the bathroom sink.

*SIGH*

I’m starting to get worried about Spike’s seemingly growing desire to destroy technology.

Well, everypony, I think we’ve reached the end of this episode. Building and testing this robot was a lot of fun, and I’m definitely glad that I finally found the time to do this episode, but between Spike thinking that the robot will try to destroy the world and Applejack thinking that it’s going to be used to replace jobs I feel that it’s best to just call this whole thing quits right here and now.

So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

All right, time to disassemble the robot.

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Huh?

D-Did the robot just…move on its own?

No…no, it couldn’t have. It must have just been a glitch or something.

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WAH!

I-It just moved again!

Oh dear. This could be a problem.

Author's Notes:

Sure hope Starlight didn't get that robot from Cyberdyne Systems.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Communicating with a Robot

H-Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries. Or maybe not, because this could still be the Building a Robot episode.

I’m not quite sure how I’m going to edit this yet.

But for now, I’m going to assume that this is going to be a new episode. So again, welcome.

In case you missed the last episode of this vlog, I tried my hoof at building a simple manipulator robot – a robot completely free of any kind of AI or learning software – and I succeeded in that task. But somehow, the robot I'd built, well…it came to life. Don’t ask me how because I haven’t the slightest clue, I just know that it did because it recoiled multiple times when I tried to disassemble it.

Allow me to demonstrate.

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See? I get too close to the robot and it shirks away from me. And as you can also see, the controller for the robot is laying here on the other end of the table so it’s not me that’s causing it to do that. And before anypony says anything in the comments, I’m not using my magic to manipulate the controller. If I were, you’d be able to see my magical aura around the controller while I did so.

I swear, this isn’t some sort of trick or prank I’m trying to pull on all of you. Despite how impossible this whole thing is, my little robot really has come to life and is showing signs of intelligence.

Oh.

I’m just now remembering that Spike kept saying that this would happen, and that he came in here with a wrench that I’m all-but-certain he was going to use to destroy the robot because he thought it would become evil. So I think it’d probably be best if we closed all the doors and windows and locked them before he comes back after he ‘fixes that leaky pipe in the bathroom’.

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Okay, I don’t think anypony should be able to bother us now.

So, with that taken care of, what they hay are we going to do about this robot?! I mean, if it’s alive I can’t disassemble it – unless it does become evil – but I also can’t just leave it sitting here on this table. Maybe I should send a letter to Princess Celestia and see what she thinks the best course of action is?

Wait, no, I can’t do that. Spike would have to be the one to send that letter and he can’t know about this.

At least for now.

Hmmm…maybe I should try and take the robot to the Equestrian Institute of Science? I’m not certain of this, but I think they have protocols in place for what should be done whenever new life is discovered.

Of course I don’t know how I’d get the robot there since I can’t get close to it without scaring it.

*SIGH*

This is not how I imagined my day going when I woke up this morning.

*KNOCK*

Huh?

Did…did you all see that just now? The robot, it…it knocked on the table.

*KNOCK*

I think it…wants us to come closer to it?

Let’s see.

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Yep, it seems like that’s what it wanted.

Wait a minute, is the robot trying to communicate with us?!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! This is…this is incredible! I can’t believe it’s intelligent enough to confabulate!

*DEEP BREATH**

Calm down, Twilight.

Okay, I guess we’re going to try and communicate with the robot now.

Um…hello, robot. How are you?

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It’s just flailing around. I’m not sure why.

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Hold on. Are you trying to tell me you want something to write with?

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I’ll take that up-and-down motion to mean yes.

All right, just give me a second to get you a quill and some ink.

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Okay, little robot, here you go.

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It’s writing! It’s actually writing!

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F

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I

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N

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E

Fine. You’re fine?

Oh, well, that’s good to hear. Um…do you maybe have a name?

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E

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L

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E

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K

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T

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R

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O

Elektro?

Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Elektro! I’m Twilight Sparkle, and as the Princess of Friendship it’s my great pleasure to be the first to welcome you to Equestria.

And existence.

If there’s anything I can get for you or anything I can do for you, please just let me know.

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C

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A

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K

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E

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Cake? Are you saying you want…cake?

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Y

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E

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S

Oh, um, okay then. I think I have some cake in the kitchen that I can give you.

Be right back.

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Why does the robot want cake of all things?

*SNICKER*

Huh, did any of you hear something just now?

Eh, it’s probably just my imagination. Now if you’ll all excuse me, I need to go get my robot some cake.

---

Now to relock the door.

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Okay, Elektro, here’s the cake you wanted.

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T

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H

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A

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N

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K

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S

Oh, you’re welcome.

Such a polite robot.

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L

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E

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A

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V

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E

You want me to leave?!

Okay, maybe it’s not that polite.

Um, maybe I should stay here for a bit longer, Elektro. I feel that there are still a number of things we need to discuss and –

*SNICKER*

There’s that noise again. And you know what? I think I know what it is.

I know you’re in here somewhere, Rainbow Dash! I’d recognize your laugh anywhere! Now come on out!

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Hello, Rainbow. Mind telling me why you were hiding in here and laughing?

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Because you pulled a prank on me, huh? And what prank was that, exactly?

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Making me think my robot is alive?!

What...but…I…no. No, there's no way that all of this has been one of your pranks. You couldn't possibly have been manipulating the robot so intricately without my knowing it was you.

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You weren't the one manipulating it? Then who was manipulating it?!

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Starlight?! You were manipulating the robot?!

Okay, just…how were you managing to manipulate the robot so surreptitiously? It couldn’t have been with magic because I would have seen your magical aura surrounding it.

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You were using your magic to manipulate each individual part inside the robot?!

Wow. I have to admit, that’s pretty impressive.

All right, well, good prank I suppose. You had me fully convinced that my robot had come to life. Now not to be rude, but can the two of you please leave so that I can finish my vlog?

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No, you can’t take the cake with you, Rainbow!

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*SIGH*

Well, that was unexpected. I can't believe that Rainbow Dash and Starlight were able to pull off such an elaborate prank. Heck, I can't even believe that Starlight agreed to be a part of Rainbow's prank. I never figured her as being the pranking type.

Huh. Why does the thought of Starlight being a prankster make me feel so uneasy?

But anywhoo, since it turns out that Elektro - er, my little robot – isn’t actually alive like I'd thought, I think that means that this episode is over now. So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Okay, time to finally disassemble this robot.

Please don’t move, please don’t move, please don’t move.

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Phew.

It didn’t move.

Author's Notes:

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Going to College

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’ll be doing something that I always intended to do but never did because, well…because of a lot of things. Today, I’m going to try…going to college!

Now I know this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I truly have never been to college before. And to be completely honest, I’m kind of surprised by that as well. Growing up, I always envisioned myself attending the University of Canterlot – go Sun Warriors – after finishing my lessons with Princess Celestia. But as I’d said, a lot of things happened that kept me from attending U of C: I got sent to Ponyville to study friendship, I became a princess, I started having to save Equestria on a regular basis. You know, those kinds of things.

Now I will say, I’m very happy with the course my life has taken even without having gone to college. I’ve learned a lot and accomplished more than I’d ever imagined I would, but lately I’ve been feeling that I’ve missed out on some things by never having gone to college. Things like joining a sorority or studying abroad for example.

I’ve always wanted to do some studying in Ornithia.

But anyways, because of these feelings I’ve come to the conclusion that going to college is something that I need to do. I need to have a ‘college experience’, as some ponies say. So, yeah…that’s why I’m doing this episode.

Now I should mention that, in all likelihood, I’m not going to go through college all the way to completion. Most colleges in Equestria have programs that require a minimum of 4 years to finish, and sadly because of my princess duties I can’t devote that kind of time to studying these days. But even if I don’t graduate, I feel that going through at least a little bit of college can be both intellectually and socially rewarding.

So with that said, it’s just about time for my first class to begin. So let’s head off to campus and get this college experience underway!

.

Oh, right. I almost forgot to mention something important.

Unforetunately, the college I’ll be attending in this episode won’t be the University of Canterlot. Princess Celestia informed me that enrollment there was already full for this semester, so because of that I had to choose a different college to go to.

The college I’ll be attending instead of U of C is still in Canterlot, but it was only founded a few years ago. It’s called Eastern Canterlot University – go Moon Knights - and it’s funded through bits provided by a trust in Princess Luna’s name. Now I’m sure that some of you are aware of the rumor that Princess Luna only founded Eastern Canterlot as a tax write-off, but I want to assure those of you that that rumor is 100% untrue. Princess Luna herself told me that she founded ECU as a way to show Princess Celestia that she can start a college that would be just as successful as U of C, so there you have it.

But enough of all that, let’s get to class!

---

Class - Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields

Huh, I’m the only pony here. How strange.

I thought this class would've been completely full.

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Oh, that must be the professor.

Good morning, ma’am!

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Yep. It appears it’s just the two of us.

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Great! Let’s get started!

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Uh-huh. Quantum entanglement.

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Ooh. Wave-particle duality.

How fascinating.

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The electron…tastes like grapeade?

Uhhh…what?

---

Okay, well, that was certainly an…interesting first class. The professor sure seemed to know a lot, but I’m not so sure that everything she said was accurate.

I highly doubt that the Heisenberg uncertainty principle was named after a character on a TV show.

But anywhoo, it looks like we have a bit of time until my next class, so why don’t we take this opportunity to explore a few sororities? I’m pretty sure it’s recruitment week for all of them right now, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to get some information about what each of them is like.

Now, where’s sorority row?

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Ah, there it is.

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Hello there! My name’s Twilight Sparkle, and I was wondering if I could get some information about possibly joining your sorority.

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I’m in?! Just like that?!

Um, sorry, but isn’t there supposed to be a whole recruitment process for this? Like a pledge week full of events or something where we get to know each other better?

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You’re low on recruits so you’re just accepting ponies on the spot?

That’s…a little concerning.

Wah!

Uh, miss? Where are you dragging me to?

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The initiation ritual?

Huh. I didn’t realize sororities had those.

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Ooh. This sorority house is nice.

.

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Time for me to receive my sorority name? Oh, goodie!

I wonder what my name will be!

.

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I’m sorry, did you say my name is…Chickpea?

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.

Um, if I may ask, why is my sorority name Chickpea?

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W-Why not?

Uh, you know what? Chickpea is a fine name. I love chickpeas. They’re very nutritious.

Heh heh.

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Time for the second part of the initiation?

Um, okay. What happens in the second part?

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What?!

Oh, um, you know what? I just realized my next class starts in five minutes, so I should really get going now. Bye!

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Phew. I got out of there just in time.

So, yeah. I’m thinking that sorority life might not be right for me. Not if it involves bean-based nicknames and very…intense initiation rituals.

Seriously, why would anypony want to do something like that with a cricket bat?

Well, I guess I might as well actually head to my next class – even though it doesn’t start for another hour.

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Is that pony over there dressed up as a giant carrot dog?

---

Okay, so I’ve decided not to show the class I just went to because, well…I’m not even sure one can even call it a class.

Remember how in the first class I was the only pony there? Well in the class I just came from, the room was grossly over occupied and some of us got relegated to what is apparently referred to as a ‘spillover class’. Now what is a spillover class, you may ask? Well, basically, it’s just a class where you sit in a room and listen to the lecture going on next door through a speaker.

Yeah, seriously.

I can’t help but wonder if Princess Luna knows that such ‘classes’ are going on at her college? I would like to think that she doesn’t, because if she did then they wouldn’t be happening.

I’ve heard of distance learning before, but that spillover class was just ridiculous.

*SIGH*

I have to say, I’m feeling a little disappointed by my college experience so far. I’ve had to deal with a class where I was the only student in the room with a professor who believes that quantum physics means anything can happen at any time for no reason, a class that was so crowded I couldn’t even listen to the lecture from within the room it was given in, and a sorority that wanted to perform an initiation using a cricket bat in a way that I’m pretty sure would have violated the laws of the Griffonstone Convention.

The only thing I have left on tap for today is a meeting with the director of the abroad studies program, and I’m really, really hoping that it goes well. Because if it doesn’t then I just…I don’t know if I’m going to feel like continuing with this whole college thing.

And I really don’t want to quit after only the first day.

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Okay, here we go.

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Good afternoon, sir. I have an appointment to meet with the Abroad Studies director.

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Twilight Sparkle.

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Thank you.

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Hello, ma’am. I’m here because I was hoping to do some studying abroad and wanted to learn a bit more about that program.

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I can partake in the program, no problem?

Oh, that’s such a relief to hear! After the day I’ve been having I was half-expecting the abroad studies program to have been shut down or something.

So, what are some of the locations I can choose from? Mount Aris? Yakyakistan? Ornithia?!

Please let Ornithia be an option!

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.

You have a list of all the locations?

Oh, okay. Let’s just see what all of the available options are then.

.

Huh?

Uh, ma’am? None of the locations on this list are abroad. They’re all within Equestria.

.

.

They’re as abroad as the program’s budget will allow for?

Oy vey.

All right, well, t-thank you for your time, ma’am. I’ll take a closer look at this list and get back with your office once I’ve made a decision.

Have a nice day!

.

Yeeeah, so I don’t think I’ll be participating in the abroad studies program if it’s not actually going to, you know…take place abroad.

*SIGH*

College hasn’t been anything like I’d expected. I don’t know if it’s because of how college looks on TV and in movies, but the real thing isn’t as fun or intellectually rewarding as I’d hoped it would be.

Now to be fair, it’s entirely possible that my lackluster college experience has been due to the school I chose to attend and is in no way indicative of the college experience as a whole. After all, who knows how things might have gone had I been able to attend the University of Canterlot like I'd originally wanted.

Wait a minute.

Ooh, I just got a great idea! I should try and enroll at U of C next semester and then do a college experience comparison study against everything I've experienced here at Eastern Canterlot!

*SQUEE*

.

Um, but putting that aside for now, I think it’s about time we wrapped up this episode, everypony. So as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

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.

Uh, n-no thanks. I don’t want to ask you about your carrot, giant-carrot-dog pony.

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMqLnnfTz54

I actually saw someone dressed like this once when I was in college. They seemed nice.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Royal Guard Training

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

Today’s episode is going to be a very special one, and for more reasons than one. The first reason it’s going to be special is because I’ll be following in the hoofsteps of a pony whom I admire greatly, and the second reason is because it’s going to help prove that pony wrong.

Today, I’m going to try…royal guard training!

So if the reveal of what it is I’m trying today didn’t give it away, the pony I was just referring to is my big brother, Shining Armor. And by now you might be wondering why it is I’m trying royal guard training to prove him wrong, so allow me to explain.

You see, last week Shining Armor and his family came to Ponyville for a visit, and for the majority of that visit things went pretty well. Shining and I saw one of our favorite comedians, Jade Olive, perform some standup at a local comedy club, Cadence and I got a chance to finally discuss the Oberon Theory of Teleportation Spells, and best of all, I got some playtime in with Flurry Heart!

Playtime with Flurry is always so fun!

But during dinner on the last night of their visit, things started to go, well…not so well. It all started when Shining Armor and I started reminiscing about when we were younger, specifically about when we each left home. And just so everypony knows, Shining left home when he joined the royal guard corps and I left when I reached the independent study portion of my education as Princess Celestia’s student. Now at some point during this reminiscing, Shining made a rather off-hoofed comment about how, between the two of us, he was the one who’d had things more difficult after leaving home.

And as you can imagine, I disagreed with that comment.

Now to be perfectly clear, I’m not saying that I think things weren’t difficult for Shining when he left home. I’m sure that they were. I’m just saying that I don’t think they were as difficult as they were for me. I mean, when he ventured out on his own he joined a military organization that provided him with structure and direction, whereas when I ventured out on my own I was involved in a program that had no defined structure and next to no direction. He had guidance while I had to figure everything out all on my own and he thinks he was the one who had things more difficult?! Seriously?!

*DEEP BREATH*

.

So anyways, after I voiced my disagreement with Shining Armor’s belief that he had things more difficult than I did we traded a few passive-aggressive barbs with one another for a bit, during which time Shining gingerly implied that, had I enrolled in royal guard training, I would’ve quit before the end of the first week.

Needless to say, things started to escalate fairly quickly from there. Thankfully though, Cadence managed to intervene and diffuse things before Shining Armor or I said anything that we couldn’t take back. The rest of the dinner went fine after that, and soon after Shining, Cadence, and Flurry Heart left with no hard feelings between any of us. But despite there not being any hard feelings, there is one thing that’s been bothering me since then: Shining questioned my fortitude in front of Flurry Heart.

So that’s why I’m here at the Royal Guard Academy today! I’m going to go through the first week of their training program and prove that I’m not some sort of wimp. After all, we can’t have Flurry Heart thinking that her Auntie Twily is a wimp.

We can’t have that at all.

But enough of all that, let’s get started!

---

Day 1

Oh dear, a five-mile trot. How awful. I don’t know how I’m going to survive this week if I have to trot.

In case you couldn’t tell, I was being sarcastic just now. I actually think a long trot will do me some good. I…may have gained a few extra pounds as of late due to some stress eating.

Lousy elevated cortisol levels.

But anywhoo, let’s get trotting!

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.

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Yeah, this royal guard training is going to be a walk in the park.

Pun intended.

---

Day 3

Phew.

So it appears that the five-mile trot is something that we do every day. Which is something I have no problem with, mind you, but, you know…I just didn’t realize that it was something we’d be doing every day.

I'm pretty sure I’ve already lost those few extra pounds. And then some.

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Ma’am, yes, ma’am!

.

Okay, so it appears that we’re going to have another armor inspection now. These seem to be a pretty constant thing around here as well, but they’re really not that big a deal. At least for me. Not to brag or anything, but I’ve passed every inspection so far with flying colors thanks to the special armor cleaner I created.

It’s just white wine vinegar with a dash of salt mixed in.

.

Ma’am, presenting armor for inspection, ma’am!

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A stain?

.

Oh, t-there is a stain.

Ma’am, this trainee apologizes for the shoddiness of her armor, ma’am! The trainee believes it came from the jelly donut she had in the mess hall this morning, ma’am!

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I’m going to be punished by…having everypony else do push-ups?

Um, all righty then.

.

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And I’m going to eat a jelly donut while they do those push-ups?

I’m not sure I’m following the logic behind this punishment.

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Ma’am, yes, ma’am! Commencing donut eating now, ma’am!

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.

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Mmm. Good donut.

---

Day 5

So, yeah, I think I figured out the logic behind that jelly donut punishment; it was to make everypony else not like me. Because ever since that whole incident none of the other trainees have spoken to me unless absolutely necessary.

It’s actually a pretty good punishment when you think about it, given how team-oriented the royal guards are.

But you know what? I’m not going to let this setback deter me. In fact, I’m going to let it motivate me into becoming a royal guard so extraordinary that everypony will forget all about the jelly donut incident!

I mean, I don’t intend to actually become a royal guard, but you know what I’m trying to say.

.

.

Looks like it’s time to fall in.

.

We’re doing chemical, biological, radiological and nuclear training today?!

Oh dear. I hope this isn’t going to end up being a repeat of the Learning Nuclear Physics episode.

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Ma’am, yes, ma’am!

.

Oof!

Wow, this equipment bag is kind of heavy. Let’s see what we’ve got in here: a gas mask, some kind of special hoodie, a -

.

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G-Gas?!

Where was that gas mask?! Where was that gas mask?!

.

Found it!

.

*DEEP BREATHING*

Oh thank goodness. I managed to get my mask on in time.

Can you all still understand what I’m saying? I can’t tell if the gas mask is muffling my voice too much for you to still understand me.

.

Uh-oh, looks like the pony next to me is having some trouble with her mask.

Let me help you with that.

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There you go. Nice and tight.

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Don’t mention it. We’ve got to have each other’s backs, you know.

.

.

Aaaand now we have to do push-ups in the gas. Wonderful.

.

.

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*GRUNT*

.

*GRUNT*

.

Oh, thank goodness we’re done. I’m not sure how many more push-ups I could’ve done.

.

*DEEP BREATH*

Phew, it feels good to take that mask off. These things may be effective at helping you stay safe but they’re definitely not that comfortable to wear. I wonder if Rarity might be able to design a gas mask that’s both effective and comfortable?

I’ll have to remember to ask her later.

But you know, that really wasn’t too bad. When I heard chemical, biological, radiological and nuclear training I thought for sure that meant we were going to learn about defusing dirty bombs or something, but all it ended up being was learning how to utilize our equipment if we ever find ourselves in a chemical, biological, radiological or nuclear situation.

I wonder what’s next?

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A-Another five-mile trot. Okie doki then.

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Oh, the pony I helped with their gas mask.

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Oh, sure, we can trot together. I’d like that very much! Thank you!

.

I think the jelly donut incident is already starting to be forgotten.

---

Day 7

*HEAVY BREATHING*

Okay, so…remember a few days ago…when I sarcastically said that…five-mile trots were awful? Well I…retract the sarcasm. After a week of trotting five miles every day…I genuinely feel that five-mile trots…are awful now.

*HEAVY BREATHING*

Sorry, but I…need a quick minute to…catch my breath.

.

.

.

Okay, better.

Now that I can breathe normally again, I’m going to take this opportunity to admit that Shining Armor was right; he had things more difficult when he left home than I did. This royal guard training has been way more physically intensive than I’d originally thought it was.

And you know what? After giving it some deeper thought, I’m pretty sure that Shining Armor and I were going off of different criteria for what constituted things being difficult when each of us left home while we were arguing about it. I was thinking in terms of tectonic difficulty and I’m betting that he was thinking in terms of somatic difficulty.

In hindsight, I probably should’ve realized that a lot sooner.

But regardless, he was right. I may have struggled after leaving home because of the unstructured nature of my independent study program, but all of this structured training has definitely taken more out of me than that study program ever did.

A lot more.

So right now I’ve still got another half-a-day of training before my week is completed, and even though I’ve conceded that Shining had things more difficult than I did I’m still going to see this through to the end. I said that I was going to do this training for a full week, after all, and I don’t intend on going back on my word now. Especially since I’m so close to the finish line, so to speak.

And there’s still the issue of making sure Flurry Heart doesn’t think her Auntie Twilight is a wimp on top of that.

But anywhoo, I think I’m going to end the episode here. I’m already feeling pretty tired as it is, and I’m afraid that if I wait until later to end this episode I’ll be too tired to do it properly.

So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

.

.

Ma’am, yes, ma’am!

.

.

Thank you, ma’am!

.

Figures. My last day here and I get stuck with fire watch.

Oh well, no point in complaining about it; it is what it is. And besides, what’s the worst that could happen while patrolling the barracks at night?

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to Skyblazer9 and BeautifulHorse for suggesting this chapter!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Creating a New Holiday

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

*SQUEE*

Sorry if I seem a bit over-enthusiastic about today’s episode, but I’m just so, so excited for it! In fact, I think this might be the most excited I’ve felt to do an episode of my vlog to date!

In today’s episode, I’m going to try…creating a new holiday!

*SQUEE*

.

.

Very funny, Starlight. But I highly doubt that I’m squeeing so loudly that they can hear me over at the School of Friendship.

.

.

Okay, okay. I’ll try and keep the squeeing to a low volume so that you and Trixie can practice your magic act in peace.

Or at least what constitutes peace whenever Trixie is around.

.

.

Yep, you have fun too!

.

Now then, where was I?

Oh, right.

So at this point you may be asking yourselves how it is I decided to try and create a new holiday, and the story behind that is actually kind of funny. You see, I was feeling a little exhausted yesterday after finishing a three-day summit with the other princesses in the Crystal Empire and decided to do a little bit of light reading to help me unwind. So I went into the castle library and picked up a copy of the Compendium of Equestrian Laws Volume 4, and after getting about 150 pages into that book I discovered a rather interesting fact: princesses have the authority to create and implement new holidays as they wish!

*SQUEE*

Oh, I just love holidays! The friends, the festivities, the food; everything about them is just so wonderful! And so to have the ability to bring a new holiday into existence that brings these wonderful things to ponies an extra day each year, it just…it makes me really happy.

But of course, creating a new holiday isn’t as simple as clopping my hooves and magically pulling one out of thin air. There are a lot of elements that need to be considered in order to create a successful and inveterate holiday, and those are the things we’re going to go through together in this episode.

So enough small talk, let’s get to it!

Okay, the first thing we need to figure out is what this new holiday will be all about. Now we all know that holidays are days of festivity or recreation, but festivity or recreation alone does not a holiday make. The vast majority of Equestrian holidays are celebrated in either remembrance of something/somepony or in the spirit of something, so it would probably be best if this new holiday followed suit. But what exactly is it that should be remembered or celebrated?

Hmm.
.

Maybe…Starswirl the Bearded? I mean, he is the father of the amniomorphic spell and one of the most accomplished unicorns in Equestrian history, but I don’t know. I feel that most ponies would treat Starswirl the Bearded Day as one of those holidays that’s nothing more than an excuse to have a day off from work or school. They just wouldn’t take the day to actually remember or celebrate him, you know?

Which would be a real shame for more reasons than one.

How about instead we try something like…Friendship Day, perhaps? It would make sense for the Princess of Friendship to create a holiday centered around friendship, but I admit I have my doubts about this one too. It just seems like Friendship Day would be a little too…pedestrian, like one of those holidays that isn’t really even celebrated. And I definitely don’t want my holiday to end up like Barbershop Quartet Day or Teddy Bears' Picnic Day - which, before you ask, are indeed very real holidays.

*SIGH*

This is turning out to be a bit more difficult than I’d expected. What would be a good holiday that everypony would really love and want to celebrate?

.

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Trixie Day? Yeah, I don’t think so.

Wait, who said that?

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TRIXIE?! What are you doing here?!

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Okay, well, kindly grab your Cloak of Mystery that Starlight left in here and go. I’m in the middle of recording an episode for my vlog.

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Thank you.

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So sorry for that little interruption just now, everypony. But now that Trixie has retrieved her cloak and left we can get back on track with creating this new holiday.

Now what can we come up with?

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Magic Day, maybe?

Nah. That feels like it’d be a holiday just for unicorns.

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Earth Day?

No. That one sounds too much like something spawned from a PSA campaign.

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Trixie Day isn’t happening, Trixie! Now will you please go back outside!

Oy vey.

.

Okay, now that I’ve locked the door so that Trixie can’t get back in here we can continue uninterrupted. Though honestly, I don’t think having some peace and quiet is going to make much of a difference. So far every idea I’ve come up with for a new holiday has been pretty subpar, and frankly I’m not sure if I can come up with anything better than I already have.

*SIGH*

It just feels like all the good holidays already exist. I mean, we’ve got Hearth’s Warming to remember the founding of Equestria, Hearts and Hooves Day to celebrate love, Nightmare Night to commemorate the defeat of Nightmare Moon – and celebrate general spookiness – the Summer Sun Celebration to celebrate summertime, Winter Wrap Up to – wait!

The Summer Sun Celebration, and Winter Wrap Up.

Oh my gosh…I think I’ve got it!

*SQUEE*

I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner! How did I not realize this as soon as I decided to create a new holiday?!

.

Oh…I should probably explain my abrupt outburst, shouldn’t I?

S-Sorry for the sudden excitement, everypony, but as I was talking about all of the Equestrian holidays that already exist I realized something rather intriguing; we have a holiday to celebrate each of the four seasons except winter. We have Winter Wrap Up for spring, the Summer Sun Celebration for summer, the Running of the Leaves for autumn, but nothing for winter.

Weird, right?

And yes, I know that Hearth’s Warming takes place in winter, but it’s not a celebration of winter like the other holidays I just mentioned. So with that in mind, I think creating a holiday centered on winter and all things winter-like would be a good direction to go in. After all, winter deserves just as much love as the other seasons, don’t you think?

I think so. Without winter we wouldn’t have snow.

Okay, now what should we call this new winter holiday?

Hmm.

.

Something with ‘winter’ in the name would be good, so how about Winter…Celebration Day?

No. That sounds to generic.

Maybe…Winter Wonder Day?

Oof. That one doesn't sound too good either.

How about…Winter Wishmas?

.

Okay, I’m not even sure where that one came from.

What even is a ‘Wishmas’?

You know what? Why don’t we just call it ‘Winter Solstice’ and have it coincide with the day when one of the Earth's poles reaches its maximum tilt away from the Sun. It would not only help solve the name problem but it would also help ensure that the date of the holiday doesn’t change too much from year-to-year.

Oh, and if we coincide it with the solstice we could probably get Princess Luna involved with it! You know, since the solstice is the longest night of the year! I’m sure she’d be more than willing to help out! She could be the…the bearer of ceremonies!

Oh, I like the sound of that!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! This is all just so exciting!

*SQUEE*

*LOUD KNOCKING*

That’s probably Trixie again.

For the last time, Trixie, I’m not making Trixie Day a thing! So will you please just rejoin Starlight outside and - oh, Yona. So sorry about all that, I thought you were Starlight’s friend.

Is there something I can help you with?

.

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Y-You came here to ask me to stop all my squeeing because it’s disturbing your study session?

Huh. Starlight was right; they could hear me over at the school.

Um, m-my sincere apologies for bothering you. You won’t hear anymore squeeing from me today, I promise.

.

Well, everypony, since I seem to be squeeing so loud that it’s disturbing my students I think I’m going to end this episode here. But rest assured, this doesn’t mean that Winter Solstice won’t be happening. By next winter I guarantee you that we’ll all be celebrating it together and creating lots of new holiday memories.

So as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

Ooh, maybe I should try writing some carols to go with this new holiday. I’m sure everypony would love singing solstice carols.

Author's Notes:

Hope you've all been having a good holiday season and have a happy New Year! 🎊

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Gambling with Starlight

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, we’re going to be going on a little trip to a place I’ve never been before. A place that, in all honesty, I’ve never had any real desire to go to but feel that I need to today for reason I’ll explain later. So what is this mystery place, you may ask? Well, it’s Las Pegasus. And what’s the reason why I feel I need to go there today? Weeell…as strange as it may sound, the reason is because I need to go gambling with Starlight.

So, yeah, that’s today’s episode; I’m going to try gambling with Starlight.

I never thought this would end up being something I’d ever do, let alone make into a vlog episode. But here we are.

Now before we go any further, I should probably point out a very important detail. When I say that I’m going to be gambling with Starlight I don’t mean that Starlight and I are going to be competing against one another in games of chance. I mean that Starlight and I are going out to a casino together to play some games of chance. Starlight and I have played many games of chance against one another before, and I do mean many. Despite a few really bad losses Starlight is actually a pretty good gambler, and because of that I’m one of the few friends she has who’s willing to play against her. In fact, if I recall correctly I think I showed the two of us playing some cards during the Social Distancing episode of this vlog.

We had a lot of fun doing that – pandemic aside and whatnot.

But anywhoo, by now you might be saying, ‘Okay, Twilight, you’re going to Las Pegasus because you need to go gambling with Starlight. But why do you need to go gambling with her?’ And, well, it’s difficult to explain without causing Starlight any undue embarrassment, but the answer to that question is that the last time she went to Las Pegasus she came back bitless, hungover, and married to a pony she’d only met the day before.

That marriage ultimately ended up getting annulled, just fyi.

So as you can imagine, after such an…eventful outing on her last trip to Las Pegasus I felt it best to join Starlight on her next trip there to help make sure nothing like that happens again. And before you say anything, Starlight is aware that that’s why I’m going with her today and she fully supports my accompanying her.

I think she really wants to avoid accidentally getting married for a third time.

Okay, I believe that was everything I wanted to say for the introduction. Now we just have to wait for Starlight to finish getting ready and then we’ll be on our –

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Oh. You’re ready, Starlight?

All righty then, let’s get this show on the road. Viva Las Pegasus!

.

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Huh?

Um, yes. I was intending to go on our trip dressed like this.

.

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Well what’s wrong with what I’m wearing?! Rarity told me that this is what everypony wears when visiting Las Pegasus.

.

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Okay, okay. If you think my getup looks that ridiculous I won’t go out in it.

I thought I looked pretty cool.

.

.

.

All right, now that I no longer look like a ‘groovy turkey’ let’s get going.

---

So, here we are in Las Pegasus, everypony. And I have to say, it’s not as flashy and crazy as I thought it would be. I mean, it’s still pretty flashy and crazy, but I think I was just expecting it to be flashier and crazier than it actually is.

Though I will say, Las Pegasus is certainly a lot more aesthetically pleasing than I’d thought it would be. With all the unique architecture around this city I thought it would look like a puzzle that was completed using pieces from a variety of different puzzle sets, but surprisingly all of the buildings and whatnot blend in fairly well with one another.

Even that place over there with the pirate ships in front of it.

.

.

Coming, Starlight!

It seems like Starlight wants to get over to her favorite casino now, so we’d better hurry along before we lose her in the crowd.

.

So many ponies in this city.

.

We’re here?

Huh, well this is interesting: ‘Celestia’s Palace’. I didn’t know Princess Celestia had a casino named after her here.

I wonder if Princess Celestia knows about this.

.

Wah!

Okay, I take back what I said earlier. Las Pegasus is just as flashy and crazy as I’d expected. The majority of the flashiness and craziness just seems to be inside the casinos. I mean, just look at this place; bright lights everywhere, ostentatious machines and tables as far as the eye can see, and carpeting that looks like it was designed by Pinkie Pie after she’s had too much sugar.

I have to remember to show you all a painting Pinkie did once when she was on a sugar high. It makes Jackson Pollock look like Claude Monet.

.

.

You want to start over there, Starlight? All right, sounds good.

Seems like we’re going to play some roulette first, everypony. And frankly, I’m glad. I really didn’t want to start at one of those bright, loud machines.

.

Oh, is the pony running this table a friend of yours, Starlight?

.

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Not really? But you just greeted her by her name.

.

.

You’re just on a first name basis with one another because you spend so much time here?

That’s…a little concerning.

.

.

Oh, right, my bet.

Hmm.

.

I’ll put three bits on black.

.

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Hey, don’t make fun of my bet, Starlight! I know it’s small, but I have a system and I fully intend on sticking to it.

.

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No, Starlight, I don’t think your system of ‘don’t tell anypony how much you’ve lost’ is better than mine. Now can you please just place your bet already?

.

Here we go.

.

Ooh, 17 black! I won!

Okay, let’s see now. I think I’ll put five bits on the third dozen space this time.

.

I’m starting to see why Starlight sometimes loses so many bits when she comes here. She seems to favor betting on just a single number each spin, and betting a large amount of bits each time.

.

25 red! I win again!

Come to Twily.

All right, let’s go with a bit of a riskier bet this time. I think I’ll place ten bits on the outside border of this row of three numbers. If I win, the payout for this bet should be eleven-to-one.

.

Come on; we’re looking for a 7, 8, or 9.

.

11 red. Nuts, so close!

Oh well, that’s okay. Can’t win them all, right? And we’re still ahead too, so no big loss.

.

.

You want to move on, Starlight?

Okay, lead the way.

.

Oh, um, hello there. Can I help you with something?

.

.

You’re here to give me a free drink compliments of the casino? Oh, well isn’t that nice! Thank you!

I had no idea casinos gave out free drinks.

.

Mmm, fruity.

.

We’re going to play some poker now, Starlight? Okie dokie then.

.

Wow, the pony dealing the cards is a real pro. I’m not sure I’d be able to deal that well without using magic.

.

Okay, we've got the king of hearts, queen of spades, three of diamonds on the table, and I have a king and an ace in my hoof. If my math is correct, my chances of winning right now are approximately 64%.

I’ll call and raise ten.

.

Ooh, another king!

No, no, play it cool, Twilight. Don’t let the other players see you getting excited.

I’ll…call. And raise another ten.

Maybe I shouldn’t have raised again like that. I might’ve been showing my hoof too much by doing that.

.

Everypony else…folded.

I won!

*SQUEE*

Ooh, I am going to be able to buy so many new books with all these bits!

.

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Oh, it wasn’t that hard to win, Starlight. I just counted the cards is all.

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Wait, that’s…not allowed? How? It’s not like it’s possible to enforce a ban on something like that.

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Oh?

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O-Oh?

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Okay, okay, you can stop with the graphic details now, Starlight. I get the picture. I-I won’t count cards again, I promise.

Sweet Celestia. Who knew casinos could be such scary places.

.

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Oh, another free drink? Thank you!

Well, at least these places are generous with their drinks.

---

Whoo-hoo! I *HIC* win again! That’sh what...the fifth hoof in a row now? An’ I’m not even countin’ cards anymore! Apparently, I’m just that *HIC* gooood!

.

.

Oh, I know I’ve had *HIC* too much ta drink, Shtarlight. But s’all right, I’m feelin’ perfectly hunky dory right now. And I’m playin’ the best poker of mah life! Jus’ lookit all these bits I’ve got!

Sho many bits.

.

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Pffft. Ish somepony feelin’ jealous that I’m doin’ better than she ish?

.

.

Hey! Where ya goin’, Glimmy?!

Oh dear. I think she actually ish *HIC* jealous.

Okay, everypony, I think I should – whoa, shtood up too fast – I should go after Shtarlight and make shure she’sh all right. An’ maybe apologize for winnin’ too much. I know how much she prides hershelf on bein’ a good gambler an’ I think I might’ve inadvertently damaged that pride by bein’ better than her at gamblin’ today. I mean, I didn’t mean ta be better than her and I’m honeshtly not even shure if I’m actually at fault for anythin’ here, but just in case I am I wanna say I’m *HIC* sorry.

Sho as always, thanks fer watchin’, an’ I’ll see ya all next time on Twilight Tries!

Come back, Glimmy! I didn’t mean ta steal yer thunder, honest! Jus’ please come back! I need ya ta help make shure I don’t marry shome random pony!

Author's Notes:

Fun fact: Twilight's slurring of S's after she's been drinking is based on how I get after I've had one too many passion fruit martinis.

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Being a Judge

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to try…being a judge! And if you’ve been following the news at all for the last few days you probably aren’t surprised in the least to hear that. But just in case some of you have been living under a rock for those few days I’ll explain why it is I’m trying my hoof at being a judge.

See, last week there was this rather nasty outbreak of ponypox at the Reinhold Fielding Club here in Canterlot, and if you’ve never heard of that place I don’t blame you. The Reinhold Fielding Club is basically a social establishment that’s exclusively for judges and lawyers, most of whom have been practicing law for a very long time. And I do mean a very long time.

Like, longer than you and I combined have been alive.

But anywhoo, because of that unfortunate outbreak many of the judges here in Canterlot have become indisposed and unable to preside over their courts. So because of this, the other princesses and I have had no other choice but to fill in for them in order to keep the judicial system running. And if you’re wondering right now if it’s legal for princesses to act as judges I can assure you that it is. I reread every volume of the Compendium of Equestrian Laws just to be sure.

And then double- and triple-checked them just to be extra sure.

Oh, and also, before you say anything the other princesses and I are aware that the four of us alone aren’t enough to replace all of the sick judges, but unfortunately this is the only option we have that’s legal – at least for the next couple days or so. Princess Celestia promised us that she’d make every effort allowed by law to assign plenty of new judges for the long term.

So, yep, that’s how we got here. And how I got this nifty black satin robe, complete with lace collar!

Let me just slip these on real quick.

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Ooh, comfy.

.

Aaaand we’re all set! And just in time too. We’ve only got a minute or two left to spare before court is supposed to start.

So let’s head on over to the courtroom now.

.

Oh, sorry, there was one more quick thing I wanted to mention; my friend Rarity will be assisting me today as my court clerk. Apparently a few of the regular court clerks snuck into the Reinhold Fielding Club on the night of the outbreak and needed replacing as well, and since Rarity is one of the most organized ponies I know – outside of her design studio that is – I asked her to help me out today.

And speaking of Rarity.

Good morning, Rarity! Thanks again for agreeing to be my court clerk today. Are you ready to go?

.

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Is this…what I’m wearing?

Um, yes. I’m pretty sure I’m required by law to wear this robe while presiding over the court.

.

.

Yeah, that’s true. The collar does kind of add something special to the outfit, doesn’t it. But enough about my attire, let’s get in there and get started.

.

Hehe. I’ve always loved the ‘all rise’ thing whenever the judge enters the courtroom.

Please be seated. Court is now in-session.

*GAVEL*

What’s our first case, Rarity?

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The Ponies v. Globe Trotter?

And what are the charges in this case, prosecutor?

.

.

Trespassing in a restricted area at Canterlot National Park?

I see. Defense, why was you’re client trespassing?

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Of for –

Mr. Trotter, while I can understand wanting to take a lot of pictures of your vacation you can’t enter the restricted area of a national park to get a close-up shot of a cragadile.

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Because it’s dangerous! That’s why the area is restricted!

The court finds you guilty of trespassing, Mr. Trotter, and sentences you to one week in the county jail.

*GAVEL*

Next case, please.

.

.

The Ponies v. Apple Honey?

And the charges?

.

.

Sending about a dozen ponies to the emergency room after selling them tainted pastries?!

Oh my.

Defense?

.

.

Ms. Honey didn’t mean to poison anypony and just accidently added too much jalapeño to her Jalapeño-Infused Apple Fritters?

I’m guessing just infusing jalapeños into apple fritters period is what sent those ponies to the ER.

Well, since the case file says that none of the ponies who ate these tainted treats died and there doesn’t appear to be any sign of malicious intent I’m going to fine the defendant 100 bits for negligence and waive all prison time.

*GAVEL*

Next case, please.

.

.

The Ponies v. Peachy Sweet?

What are the charges?

.

.

Trespassing in a restricted area at Canterlot National Park?! Another one?!

.

.

Ms. Sweet, while I understand that you want the best wildlife pictures possible to show to your friends, that doesn’t excuse you breaking the law by entering an off-limits area to take a picture next to a hippopotamus.

.

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Because restricted areas are there to protect the animals as well as yourself! Hippopotamuses are incredibly dangerous!

Wait; hippopotamuses, hippopotami. What’s the correct plural of hippopotamus?

.

Ahem.

I find you guilty, Ms. Sweet, and sentence you to one week in the county jail.

*GAVEL*

Next case, please.

---

Phew.

Thank goodness for the lunchbreak, because I needed some serious refueling after that rough morning. I mean, I fully expected this whole thing to be demanding, but some of the cases that’ve been in the docket so far today have been downright crazy! I just can’t believe we’ve seen four separate cases of a riot being incited at the same local pizza parlor, two cases of somepony trying to sell wheelchairs that were actually just Barcaloungers strapped to furniture dollies, and seven cases of ponies trespassing in off-limits areas within Canterlot National Park!

Honestly, what is with so many ponies trying to get close-up pictures of wild animals?

*SIGH*

I just really hope that the afternoon ends up being a little less, well…crazy. I don’t know if I can handle another case like that one where the family was arrested for vagrancy in the Canterlot Gardens on account of the father losing his job and the entire family losing their home due to a tornado.

That was a real tough one.

.

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We’re all set to resume court, Rarity?

Okay, be right there.

.

All right, ponies, court is back in-session.

*GAVEL*

What’s our next case?

.

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The Ponies v. Diamond Rose and…Sassy Saddles?

I have to admit that I’m a bit surprised to see you here, Ms. Saddles. Prosecutor, what are the charges against this mare and Ms. Rose?

.

.

T-The destruction of Canterlot Boutique?!

Ohhh dear. I think I can see a few veins starting to bulge on Rarity’s forehead.

Um, recess!

*GAVEL*

Rarity, can you please join me in my chambers.

.

.

.

Okay, look, Rarity, I can tell that this case is making you, um…upset. And you have every right to be upset given that it involves the wrecking of one of your shops. But I want to remind you that you’re acting as my court clerk today and you can’t let your emotions get the better of you right now. You need to remain calm so I can hear the facts of this case and give an appropriate ruling on it, okay?

.

.

Okay, thank you.

Now come on, give me a hug.

.

I promise, however bad the damage at Canterlot Boutique is you won’t have to deal with it alone. As soon as all of this is over we’ll gather the rest of our friends and together we’ll all help you fix up your shop.

.

.

Thanks, Rarity. You’re a good friend too.

Now let’s get back to court.

.

.

.

Thank you all for your patience. Court will resume now.

*GAVEL*

Now then, how is it that these two ponies managed to destroy Canterlot Boutique?

.

.

Ms. Rose criticized the organization of the shop and then Ms. Saddles criticized Ms. Rose’s sense of style, and the two of them just kept exchanging insults until the argument led to a physical altercation?

Oy vey.

Wait, hold on a moment.

Ms. Rose, is what I heard just now true? Were you really criticizing the organization of Canterlot Boutique?

.

.

Are…you…kidding me?! That shop was organized to perfection! I should know because I was the one who organized it! First, everything was organized by style, then cross-referenced by size, and then reverse indexed by fabric! That system allows a pony to find anything within three seconds flat, and you had the nerve to criticize it?! Do you think you could have done a better job organizing all those different kinds of dresses?! Huh?!

.

.

What, Rarity?!

.

.

Oh…ohhh.

Um, my apologies for all that just now, everypony. Given my unruly and unacceptable behavior just now I recuse myself from this case and rule that it be held over for a grand jury.

*GAVEL*

Additionally, court is adjourned for the day.

*GAVEL*

I need to retire to my chambers.

.

.

.

I…I can’t believe I lost my composure like that in court! And right after I told Rarity to make sure she didn’t lose hers!

UGH!

Why must I be so sensitive when it comes to ponies questioning my organizational skills?!

*SIGH*

.

This really has been a tougher day than I’d thought it would be, and I’m starting to think that just because somepony is a princess it doesn’t mean she’s qualified to be a judge.

Note to self: speak with other the princesses later about re-evaluating that law.

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Aww. Thank you, Rarity. I’m glad that you think I was doing a good job as a judge up until that last case.

Well, everypony, since court has been adjourned for the day I suppose that means that this episode is over. So as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

All right, Rarity, let’s get our friends and get started on repairing Canterlot Boutique.

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Hmm?

Oh, sure. Now that court is done with you can let out your frustrations about your shop being destroyed.

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B-But please don’t take them out on Sassy Saddles or Diamond Rose though! I don’t want to see you end up in court.

Author's Notes:

I've been meaning to get around to this chapter ever since the Night Court reboot started airing last year. Can't believe it took me this long to finally write it!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Improv

Thanks, Applejack. You can put that stuff over there.

Hmmm.

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Pinkie, can you please move the props trunk over there?

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Over there.

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Over there, where I’m pointing!

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Thank you!

*SIGH*

I love you, Pinkie, but your short attention span worries me sometimes.

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Wait, is my camera recording right now?

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Yep, it is.

So we’re back to having this problem again, huh? Oh well.

Ahem.

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to try…improvisational theatre! Otherwise known as ‘improv’ for short.

Now I should note, I’m no stranger to theatre in general. I’ve been in a production of the annual Hearth’s Warming Eve pageant and directed a play I created to commemorate Princess Celestia’s 1111^th anniversary of raising the sun, but there are certain aspects of the theatre that I’ve never experienced before. One of them being improv theatre.

For those who may not know, improv is a type of theatre in which the majority – if not all - of what’s performed on-stage is unplanned or unscripted and created spontaneously by the actors. And from what I learned while doing extensive research on the subject, typically the way improv works is that the performers are given suggestions for dramatic elements such as theme or character from their audience and then they use those suggestions to construct a story.

Or something that just loosely resembles a story.

However, improv isn’t something that’s just used within a performance setting. It’s also something that can be used as a learning tool for aspiring actors. One of the few general rules of improv is something called ‘yes, and’, and what that means is that an improviser should always accept what another improviser has stated or prompted them and then expand along that line of thought. So for example, a pony I’m doing improv with could say to me, um…‘I hate that we’re lost in this forest’, and an appropriate response from me could be something like, let’s see…‘Yes, and to make matters worse the sun is already starting to set’.

Hey, I just did some improv with myself right there!

Wait, can one do improv with one’s self?

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Anywhoo, this learning tool-style of improv is the kind that I’ll be trying today, so apologies if you were expecting to see me do improv in front of a live audience. Though don’t be too disappointed if that is what you were expecting, because I might try doing an improv performance sometime in the future if all goes well today.

And if I could actually get enough ponies to show up for something like that.

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Okay, Applejack, just a moment!

It looks like we’re just about ready to get started, but before we do I just want to quickly say that Applejack and Pinkie Pie aren’t just helping me get things ready for this episode. They’re also going to be joining me in doing some improv, because apparently both of them have some previous improv experience from playing charades with their families when they were younger.

Though honestly I’m not entirely sure if playing charades constitutes having improv experience, but whatever.

So with all that said, let’s get started and do some improv!

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Okay, girls, who wants to lead things off?

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All right, all right, Pinkie, you can set the scene! Just please put your hoof down.

You’re stretching it so much it looks like you might dislocate something.

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Ooh, interesting.

Yes, and I love working in this haberdashery with you too. It really is great that we not only get to work together here but also that we get to meet so many different kinds of ponies that come in here for things like buttons and threads.

Oh, and speaking of such ponies, I think I see a rather interesting-looking customer coming in right now.

Hello, ma’am. How can we help you today?

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Um, what is Applejack doing right now?

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U-Uh, I think the reason our customer isn’t speaking, Pinkie, is because she’s…a mime! Yeah, she’s a mime!

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Oh, yeah, you might be right about that. Applejack is probably drawing on her charades experience right now. But let’s not forget one of the most important things when it comes to improv: ‘yes, and’. If this is the direction Applejack wants to go with her character, then we have to go along with it.

All right then, um…Ms. Mime. What can we do for you?

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Uh-huh. One word.

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Wait, not one word?

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I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’re only holding up one hoof so it appears that you’re indicating that whatever you need is only one word.

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Oh, she’s raising her hoof more than once. I think I get it now.

What you want is two words?

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Okay, good. What’s the first word?

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Sounds like…um, tea pot? Or just pot?

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No.

Um…kettle?

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Yes!

Let’s see now, what sounds like kettle?

Is it…settle?

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No.

How about…petal?

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No.

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Ooh, good guess, Pinkie.

Is it metal?

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All right! First word is metal!

Now what’s the second word?

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Um…coat? Jacket?

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Why is she doing an up-and-down motion with her hoof?

Oh, oh, I think I’ve got it! Is it a zipper?!

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You’re looking for a metal zipper?!

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Whoo-ho! Finally got it!

Okay then, let me go get you a metal zipper, ma’am.

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Wait, no, Pinkie! Don’t ask her what size and color zipper she wants!

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Oy vey.

I think it’s best we stop recording for a bit. This seems like it’s going to take a while.

---

Yep, that definitely took a while, and was filled with a surprising amount of pantomime gestures by Applejack that were highly…suggestive in nature. So, yeah, it’s probably best that I stopped recording when I did.

Honestly, how did she expect us to guess the color mauve by doing – nope, nope. I probably shouldn’t even describe what it was she was doing.

But anyways, all of that’s over now and Applejack has exited stage left – as well as the building - leaving Pinkie and I alone to continue the scene.

Ahem.

Now then, fellow haberdashery employee, since the mime has left with her metal medium-sized mauve zipper shall we get back to minding the shop?

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What?

Um, y-yes, we can start baking some cupcakes. Because that’s something we do here. We bake cupcakes inside the shop and give them out to our customers for free.

Phew. I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to roll with that one for a second.

Okay, why don’t you go turn on the oven while I gather all the ingredients we’ll need?

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Great. Be back in a moment!

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Doo doo doo ~. Just grabbing some flour, eggs, and other stuff ~.

*DING*

Huh? What was that noise just now?

Hey, Pinkie, did you hear a dinging sound just – what?! H-How do you have a batch of freshly-made cupcakes?!

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B-But there isn’t an actual oven in here! And even if there was there’s no way you could’ve made those cupcakes in such a short amount of time!

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What do you mean we have to go give the cupcakes to the Horned King so that he won’t destroy our haberdashery?! What in the name of Celestia is going on right now?!

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I’m not forgetting about ‘yes, and’, Pinkie! The problem here isn’t that I’m not accepting what you’ve prompted me, it’s that you’ve inexplicably conjured up a batch of cupcakes out of thin air! And given that you did inexplicably conjure up a batch of cupcakes I’m now afraid that the rest of what you said is true and we do have to give them to some horrible being somewhere in order to appease him!

I mean, are we even doing improv anymore?! Is this real life or is this just fantasy?! I feel like I’m caught in a landslide and there’s no escape from –

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Wait. You want me to open my eyes and look up at the sky, Pinkie?

Um, my eyes are clearly already open, and we’re indoors so I can’t look up at the sky.

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Uh-huh.

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Uh…huh.

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Okay, I think Pinkie is under the impression that my extreme confusion is still just part of our improv - at least I hope that’s the case. And if that is the case, there’s only one thing to do.

Aaand, scene!

All right, Pinkie, good job!

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Phew. Pinkie’s back to normal now. Well, what constitutes normal for Pinkie anyways.

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Sure, Pinkie, we can go share your cupcakes with all of our friends if you want. Just give me a minute to finish filming my vlog episode and I’ll meet you outside.

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Well, everypony it looks like we’ve reached the end of this episode, and I feel like I need to apologize to you all for how little improv there was in it. Honestly, when I decided to do this episode I hadn’t expected half of it to be just a game of charades and the other half me struggling with my sanity.

Though, in all fairness, I probably should have somewhat expected the struggling with my sanity part given that Pinkie was involved.

But anywhoo, the parts of this episode where I was actually able to do some improv were fun and I hope that you enjoyed watching them. Maybe after a few more tries at this style of improv I really will give doing an actual performance of it a go someday.

But until then, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

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Okay, Pinkie, I’m ready to go now.

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Oh, thank you!

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Mmm. Wow, good cupcakes.

I’d like to ask Pinkie where she got them, but I’m a little afraid of how she’d respond.

Author's Notes:

So quick note on the whole haberdashery thing: I know that in North America a haberdashery is a store that sells men's clothing and accessories, but in the UK it's a store that sells sewing items like zippers and buttons. Now I'm not from the UK but it just so happens that my first exposure to a haberdashery was while I was over there on vacation once.

So, yeah, that's why the haberdashery in this story sells sewing stuff; because that's the kind of haberdashery I was first exposed to. (I'll stop saying haberdashery now.)

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!