Twilight Tries...

by Peni Parker

Being a Judge

Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!

In today’s episode, I’m going to try…being a judge! And if you’ve been following the news at all for the last few days you probably aren’t surprised in the least to hear that. But just in case some of you have been living under a rock for those few days I’ll explain why it is I’m trying my hoof at being a judge.

See, last week there was this rather nasty outbreak of ponypox at the Reinhold Fielding Club here in Canterlot, and if you’ve never heard of that place I don’t blame you. The Reinhold Fielding Club is basically a social establishment that’s exclusively for judges and lawyers, most of whom have been practicing law for a very long time. And I do mean a very long time.

Like, longer than you and I combined have been alive.

But anywhoo, because of that unfortunate outbreak many of the judges here in Canterlot have become indisposed and unable to preside over their courts. So because of this, the other princesses and I have had no other choice but to fill in for them in order to keep the judicial system running. And if you’re wondering right now if it’s legal for princesses to act as judges I can assure you that it is. I reread every volume of the Compendium of Equestrian Laws just to be sure.

And then double- and triple-checked them just to be extra sure.

Oh, and also, before you say anything the other princesses and I are aware that the four of us alone aren’t enough to replace all of the sick judges, but unfortunately this is the only option we have that’s legal – at least for the next couple days or so. Princess Celestia promised us that she’d make every effort allowed by law to assign plenty of new judges for the long term.

So, yep, that’s how we got here. And how I got this nifty black satin robe, complete with lace collar!

Let me just slip these on real quick.

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Ooh, comfy.

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Aaaand we’re all set! And just in time too. We’ve only got a minute or two left to spare before court is supposed to start.

So let’s head on over to the courtroom now.

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Oh, sorry, there was one more quick thing I wanted to mention; my friend Rarity will be assisting me today as my court clerk. Apparently a few of the regular court clerks snuck into the Reinhold Fielding Club on the night of the outbreak and needed replacing as well, and since Rarity is one of the most organized ponies I know – outside of her design studio that is – I asked her to help me out today.

And speaking of Rarity.

Good morning, Rarity! Thanks again for agreeing to be my court clerk today. Are you ready to go?

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Is this…what I’m wearing?

Um, yes. I’m pretty sure I’m required by law to wear this robe while presiding over the court.

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Yeah, that’s true. The collar does kind of add something special to the outfit, doesn’t it. But enough about my attire, let’s get in there and get started.

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Hehe. I’ve always loved the ‘all rise’ thing whenever the judge enters the courtroom.

Please be seated. Court is now in-session.

*GAVEL*

What’s our first case, Rarity?

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The Ponies v. Globe Trotter?

And what are the charges in this case, prosecutor?

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Trespassing in a restricted area at Canterlot National Park?

I see. Defense, why was you’re client trespassing?

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Of for –

Mr. Trotter, while I can understand wanting to take a lot of pictures of your vacation you can’t enter the restricted area of a national park to get a close-up shot of a cragadile.

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Because it’s dangerous! That’s why the area is restricted!

The court finds you guilty of trespassing, Mr. Trotter, and sentences you to one week in the county jail.

*GAVEL*

Next case, please.

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The Ponies v. Apple Honey?

And the charges?

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Sending about a dozen ponies to the emergency room after selling them tainted pastries?!

Oh my.

Defense?

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Ms. Honey didn’t mean to poison anypony and just accidently added too much jalapeño to her Jalapeño-Infused Apple Fritters?

I’m guessing just infusing jalapeños into apple fritters period is what sent those ponies to the ER.

Well, since the case file says that none of the ponies who ate these tainted treats died and there doesn’t appear to be any sign of malicious intent I’m going to fine the defendant 100 bits for negligence and waive all prison time.

*GAVEL*

Next case, please.

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The Ponies v. Peachy Sweet?

What are the charges?

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Trespassing in a restricted area at Canterlot National Park?! Another one?!

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Ms. Sweet, while I understand that you want the best wildlife pictures possible to show to your friends, that doesn’t excuse you breaking the law by entering an off-limits area to take a picture next to a hippopotamus.

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Because restricted areas are there to protect the animals as well as yourself! Hippopotamuses are incredibly dangerous!

Wait; hippopotamuses, hippopotami. What’s the correct plural of hippopotamus?

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Ahem.

I find you guilty, Ms. Sweet, and sentence you to one week in the county jail.

*GAVEL*

Next case, please.

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Phew.

Thank goodness for the lunchbreak, because I needed some serious refueling after that rough morning. I mean, I fully expected this whole thing to be demanding, but some of the cases that’ve been in the docket so far today have been downright crazy! I just can’t believe we’ve seen four separate cases of a riot being incited at the same local pizza parlor, two cases of somepony trying to sell wheelchairs that were actually just Barcaloungers strapped to furniture dollies, and seven cases of ponies trespassing in off-limits areas within Canterlot National Park!

Honestly, what is with so many ponies trying to get close-up pictures of wild animals?

*SIGH*

I just really hope that the afternoon ends up being a little less, well…crazy. I don’t know if I can handle another case like that one where the family was arrested for vagrancy in the Canterlot Gardens on account of the father losing his job and the entire family losing their home due to a tornado.

That was a real tough one.

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We’re all set to resume court, Rarity?

Okay, be right there.

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All right, ponies, court is back in-session.

*GAVEL*

What’s our next case?

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The Ponies v. Diamond Rose and…Sassy Saddles?

I have to admit that I’m a bit surprised to see you here, Ms. Saddles. Prosecutor, what are the charges against this mare and Ms. Rose?

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T-The destruction of Canterlot Boutique?!

Ohhh dear. I think I can see a few veins starting to bulge on Rarity’s forehead.

Um, recess!

*GAVEL*

Rarity, can you please join me in my chambers.

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Okay, look, Rarity, I can tell that this case is making you, um…upset. And you have every right to be upset given that it involves the wrecking of one of your shops. But I want to remind you that you’re acting as my court clerk today and you can’t let your emotions get the better of you right now. You need to remain calm so I can hear the facts of this case and give an appropriate ruling on it, okay?

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Okay, thank you.

Now come on, give me a hug.

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I promise, however bad the damage at Canterlot Boutique is you won’t have to deal with it alone. As soon as all of this is over we’ll gather the rest of our friends and together we’ll all help you fix up your shop.

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Thanks, Rarity. You’re a good friend too.

Now let’s get back to court.

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Thank you all for your patience. Court will resume now.

*GAVEL*

Now then, how is it that these two ponies managed to destroy Canterlot Boutique?

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Ms. Rose criticized the organization of the shop and then Ms. Saddles criticized Ms. Rose’s sense of style, and the two of them just kept exchanging insults until the argument led to a physical altercation?

Oy vey.

Wait, hold on a moment.

Ms. Rose, is what I heard just now true? Were you really criticizing the organization of Canterlot Boutique?

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Are…you…kidding me?! That shop was organized to perfection! I should know because I was the one who organized it! First, everything was organized by style, then cross-referenced by size, and then reverse indexed by fabric! That system allows a pony to find anything within three seconds flat, and you had the nerve to criticize it?! Do you think you could have done a better job organizing all those different kinds of dresses?! Huh?!

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What, Rarity?!

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Oh…ohhh.

Um, my apologies for all that just now, everypony. Given my unruly and unacceptable behavior just now I recuse myself from this case and rule that it be held over for a grand jury.

*GAVEL*

Additionally, court is adjourned for the day.

*GAVEL*

I need to retire to my chambers.

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I…I can’t believe I lost my composure like that in court! And right after I told Rarity to make sure she didn’t lose hers!

UGH!

Why must I be so sensitive when it comes to ponies questioning my organizational skills?!

*SIGH*

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This really has been a tougher day than I’d thought it would be, and I’m starting to think that just because somepony is a princess it doesn’t mean she’s qualified to be a judge.

Note to self: speak with other the princesses later about re-evaluating that law.

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Aww. Thank you, Rarity. I’m glad that you think I was doing a good job as a judge up until that last case.

Well, everypony, since court has been adjourned for the day I suppose that means that this episode is over. So as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!

All right, Rarity, let’s get our friends and get started on repairing Canterlot Boutique.

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Hmm?

Oh, sure. Now that court is done with you can let out your frustrations about your shop being destroyed.

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B-But please don’t take them out on Sassy Saddles or Diamond Rose though! I don’t want to see you end up in court.

Author's Note:

I've been meaning to get around to this chapter ever since the Night Court reboot started airing last year. Can't believe it took me this long to finally write it!

If there's something you'd like to see Twilight try, please let me know in the comments!

Comments

[kaafan10]

twilight tries painting white roses red

[singing steel]

Twilight tries building a gaming pc

[BestinDworld]

Would have love to have seen a Brent spiner pony ref and or incident similar to one his character played in night court.....maybe apart 2?

[BestinDworld]

Oh maybe twilight could try night court in ponyville

[zimmerwald1915]

A sticky timeline wicket: Twilight had been a judge before she met Starlight, in Rainbow Falls. And yet in this definitely post-Season 5 story, it's supposed to be a new experience for her?

[Animak]

while it does end on a humor note it's nice to see Twilight do something that's in roughly in her wheel house.

Chapter idea: Twilight does a tricky puzzle
like one of those puzzle that have an 'outside the box' solution
like this one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4EcAQGNn6M

[Kichi]

Twilight tries... Be a teacher in Magical Kindergarten

[Dorath]

Some Night Court vibes from this one