The Agony of Others

by Boltstrike58

What happened?

At Canterlot High, a classroom was generally a place of peace and quiet. That was the case today, as the assembled class waited for Miss Cheerilee to arrive, nobody made any disruptions. No paper airplanes flew through the air, no spitballs hit the ceiling, and nobody said a word. Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle in particular were going over last night's homework, comparing answers. It was the perfect atmosphere a teacher could ask for.

However, as the door opened, the class saw that Cheerilee wasn't particularly happy to see them. In fact, she barely seemed to notice that they were there. Her eyes stared forward without looking, and her shoulders were slumped, as though she had no energy left to care. She made her way over to her desk, sliding into her chair and looking straight forward.

Her mouth opened, as though she had something important to convey to the class, but no sound emerged from it. She closed it once again, looking down as her hands, as though searching for the perfect words. Sunset and Twilight felt something drop in their stomachs, knowing that whatever Cheerilee had to tell them, it certainly wasn't good.

"Students," Cheerilee finally spoke, none of her usual upbeat nature present in her voice, "before we start class today, I have to bring you an announcement. Last night, a student of Canterlot High, Falling Star...took his own life. The cause of death has been confirmed by the proper authorities, and his family has given their consent to this information becoming public."

A couple of people gasped. Several pens and pencils dropped with audible sounds. Most just stared up at Cheerilee, disbelief etched into their faces, as though waiting for the teacher to jump up and shout "April Fools!" But nobody dared speak a single word, out of some irrational fear that seizes humans in situations such as this.

"This is a terrible tragedy," Cheerilee continued, "and I know many of you will be feeling very strongly about this. These feelings are completely normal, and you have no reason to be ashamed of them. But remember to take care of yourselves, and not to direct your feelings of anger or sadness at others in negative ways.

"Now, obviously, not everybody here knew Falling Star, and that too is okay. Some of you who may have been his close friends will obviously be in pain over this incident, and I want you to know that our staff will be here to support you through it. Our counselors are here for you to talk to anytime you need them, and I highly encourage you to seek them out if you find yourselves feeling mentally shaken.

"Now, we don't know why Falling Star committed suicide, and we may not find out. We will release more information as it becomes available. Until then, I implore you not to start or spread any rumors concerning him. Suicide should not be a solution to any problem, whether it be physical, mental, or social. I want to reiterate that if you have any problems, the staff of Canterlot High are here to help you. Please don't feel ashamed to seek help."

Cheerilee had said all this in a nearly robotic tone of voice, as though stating something as pointless as what time the pep rally was going to be. Of course, a keen-eyed observer would be able to tell from the way her fists clenched so hard she was leaving little indents in her palms that she was focusing so hard on keeping her voice level, so she wouldn't break down in front of the class.

"I understand that you may all find it more difficult than usual to focus on your schoolwork today. That's a perfectly reasonable response. Just try your best, like you normally would. I promise you, we will be able to move past this tragedy.

"Now, if you would open your books to page four-hundred and seventeen..."

To Sunset Shimmer, Cheerilee's voice dissolved into a flurry of background static, her words no longer decipherable. Sure, Sunset followed her teacher's orders, opening her book and looking down at the page, but the actions were slow and mechanical, coming to her purely out of habit. Her eyes weren't focusing on the pages. Taking quick glances to the side, Sunset saw, perhaps to her relief, that she wasn't the only one with difficulty concentrating. Even Cheerilee was still focusing on not crying, none of her jovial inflection in her voice.

Sunset picked up her pen, only to have it immediately slip from her fingers. She didn't care. Instead, her brain was racing at a thousand miles an hour, thinking back to just a few days ago, and a certain interaction she'd had. It was an interaction she hadn't thought twice about, but now was the only thing her brain could focus on.

And it made her skin crawl.

---

After school, the Rainbooms, Canterlot High's resident magical girl group, had gathered in the same place they most frequently did: The music room. On pretty much every day when they could get permission to hang out in the room after school, they took the opportunity, taking the time to practice their music, or just talk about whatever tickled their fancy. However, they tried not to do the latter as much, considering that the music room was designed for...well, music, and monopolizing it just to sit around was pretty rude.

Today, however, nobody felt like playing music. Everybody sat in place around the room, staring down at the floor, their instruments laying forgotten next to them, untouched. This band practice had been scheduled days in advance, so everyone had come to the room, but without passion, almost robotically. Even Pinkie Pie seemed out of it, her hair deflated and dropping. A heavy silence hung over them, and no one dared to break it, for fear of causing some incomprehensible disaster.

Finally, Rainbow Dash gathered up the courage to speak. "I can't believe it happened...here of all places, I can't believe it..."

"Well, statistically, it's not that surprising," said Twilight Sparkle, latching onto the only thing she could think of. "I mean, teenage...incidents like this are increasing in frequency, and odds are it was going to happen even at Canterlot High, sooner or later..."

Some people might've yelled at Twilight, accusing her of being insensitive to such a deep, painful subject, but nobody did. They all knew the former Crystal Prep girl well enough to know she meant no harm, this was just how she processed things.

"It just don't make sense," Applejack spoke up next, fanning herself with her stetson. "This school ain't had problems with bullying in years, and everybody's closer than ever. Surely, if this kid was having trouble, he could've come to somebody for help."

"Maybe, maybe not," said Rainbow Dash. "Sometimes, it's not that easy. I didn't know Falling Star very well, did you?"

"No," Fluttershy mumbled. She was having the hardest time holding back tears. "I don't know much about him. He seemed to keep to himself, mostly."

"Maybe he wasn't being bullied or anything like that," said Pinkie, her voice low and quiet. "Suicide...when somebody's in a place where they're willing to do that, there are so many things that could be going wrong, mentally or physically."

"Well, none of us knew him at all, really," Twilight said. "We'll probably never—"

"I did."

Everybody in the room froze. Six pairs of eyes turned towards Sunset Shimmer, who hadn't said a word for the entire discussion. She was sitting next to the piano, her shoulders slumped, her guitar hanging limply off her back. Her red and yellow hair hung down in front of her face, obscuring her eyes. She looked less outright sad, and more guilty.

"Sunset...?" Fluttershy asked, a single drop sliding down her face.

Sunset looked up at her friends, her own eyes looking lost and afraid. "I only really talked to him once. It was a couple of days ago, and I didn't think anything of it at the time. But now, after this happened..."

---

A few days ago...

Sunset Shimmer closed her locker with a small push after placing her last textbook inside. She breathed a happy sigh, relishing in the fact that she had no homework to do this afternoon. Her plans for the remainder of the day included some time at the spa with Rarity, and looking over some of Twilight's work on her latest research project, in order to give the girl a second opinion. All in all, Sunset was excited to take a break from her intense coursework and just focus on living.

However, as she turned away from her own locker, she had the misfortune to blink at that exact time, closing her eyes so she didn't see the figure who'd been walking by at that exact moment, and slamming into him. The former unicorn was knocked backwards onto her rear, as was the boy she'd collided with. Sunset grunted and rubbed her head.

"I'm sorry," she insisted, using one arm to push herself back up off the ground once again. "I guess that'll teach me to watch where I'm going, huh?"

"It's fine," replied a quiet voice in front of her.

Having regained her footing, Sunset took a look at her collision partner. He was another student, about her age, with ash-grey skin, and a length of spiky purple hair emerging from his skull. She wasn't very familiar with the boy, but she believed she knew his name.

"Hey, aren't you...Falling Star?" she asked, the name finally coming to her.

"What's it to you?" he asked, sounding a bit annoyed.

Sunset felt rather perplexed at the tone of his voice. It had been a simple enough question, but he seemed to be taking issues with it. She shrugged it off, reasoning that he hadn't reacted violently or anything, so no harm done.

"Well, I'm still sorry for ramming into you," she replied, offering him a hand. After a few seconds, Falling Star took it, and let her help him up. As she lifted him, Sunset caught a glimpse of his eyes, and she could see they were tinged red, like someone who'd been crying for a good length of time. Her natural empathy kicked in, and Sunset couldn't stop herself from asking her next question.

"Are you okay?" she asked, reaching for his shoulder. Her hand was immediately shoved away with anger.

"Just leave me alone," growled Falling Star, grabbing a book he'd dropped and starting to walk away.

Sunset couldn't help herself. Whoever this boy was, he was clearly going through something bad, and she felt for him, whatever it was. As much as she understood the need to mind one's own business, her own compassion told her she couldn't just ignore this, and to do whatever she could for the stranger. She wouldn't use her pendant on him, but that didn't mean she wouldn't try.

"Hey!" she called after him. "Look, I know we don't know each other, but you seem to be having a lot of trouble. If you just want somebody to talk to, I'd be perfectly willing to—"

She'd said the wrong thing. Falling Star rounded on her, fury burning so intensely in his eyes it forced Sunset to take a step back.

"I bet you'd love that, wouldn't you?!" he shouted, drops of spittle flying from his jaws as he continued to rant at Sunset. "Big, perfect, Sunset Shimmer, who already has everything. Friends, talent, intelligence, and she can say she talked down a sobbing loser! You want to do me a favor? Do what I asked and get off my back!"

"But I..." Sunset stuttered, holding her hands in front of her defensively, "what did I do? I don't understand—"

"You think I want to talk to somebody who reminds me of how much of a failure I am?!" Falling Star roared. "Yeah, you have everything anybody could want in high school . Well guess what? Some of us have none of that. Some of us are forced to watch as special people we'll never be like get better and better and we stay as our boring, uninteresting selves! Not that you care about that, so long as you have your perfect grades, your best friends, your magic powers, and everything else!"

Falling Star seemed to be on the verge of tears, even as he projected the image of somebody consumed with anger and hatred. Throwing one final glare at Sunset Shimmer, he turned on his heel and stormed down the school corridor.

Sunset was left alone, her entire body shaking with nervous energy. It felt, to her, as though Falling Star was trying to pin all of his misery on her, but not because of any action she'd taken, but just because he wanted to blame something, anything, in an effort to ease his own pain. And Sunset didn't know what to do with that.

Eventually, she managed to shrug it off, thinking that she'd bring it up with her friend circle at some point, and walked away.

---

Now...

Sunset felt a single tear drip down her face as she finished her story, no longer feeling the eyes on her as all the emotions from her conversation with Falling Star came roaring back to bite. Now there was a new one added to the pile: Guilt.

"I never realized..." Sunset breathed, "even after Wallflower, I never realized how standing out so much...might make some other people feel. How bad feelings of inadequacy can get. Maybe if I'd—"

She was cut off by a hand laying itself on her shoulder. Sunset looked up to see Applejack, giving her and intense stare.

"Sugar cube," the farm girl stated simply, "it isn't your fault."

"But I—"

"You didn't do anything to him," Rainbow Dash chimed in. "You didn't even bully him back when you were a jerk, right?"

"Well, no..."

"It seems to me," said Twilight, "that Falling Star was venting when he yelled at you. You just happened to be in the vicinity, so he directed all of his intense feelings at you. What I'm saying is you're not responsible for his problems."

"It's not like we parade ourselves around and proclaim how we're amazing, and that we're better than everyone else," said Rainbow Dash. "Even I'm not that egotistical."

"Our point is, you didn't hurt Falling Star," Twilight continued. "He obviously needed help, and he wasn't getting it. All we can do if try to be more friendly, and look a little closer at the people around us. Maybe we won't miss the next time someone falls like this."

Sunset managed a weak smile as she wiped away her tears. "Thanks for that, girls," she said. "I almost went down a pretty dangerous road there." She made a silent resolution to be more aware of others around her, even if she didn't know them. Maybe she could find some way to help those like Falling Star. Those who couldn't help but compare themselves to others, even when there was no reason to.

"Still, it's horrible," said Pinkie. "Maybe...maybe there's still something we can do. Even if he's gone."

"What did you have in mind?" asked Sunset.

---

The house was rather plain, not unlike something you'd see in a child's drawing of a house. It was formed out of simple red brick, with a thatched yellow roof. The seven girls that composed the Rainbooms stood outside the house, staring up at the door with poorly disguised apprehension.

"I don't know about this," said Sunset. "What if..."

"The worst they can do is yell at us," said Twilight, laying a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Yeah, you're right."

With that, the girls, led by Sunset, walked up to the door. Sunset collapsed all her fingers into a fist, raised it, and knocked gently on the wood. After a few seconds, the door opened, revealing a woman who'd clearly been crying.

"Yes?" she managed to whimper out.

"Mrs. Star?" asked Sunset. "Hi, I'm Sunset Shimmer. These are my friends, and we just wanted to offer our condolences for your loss. I didn't know Falling that well, but..."

The woman relaxed, her face taking on a sad smile.

"Why don't you come in?" she offered to the girls.

Author's Note:

I've been in a pretty deep funk lately, and I wrote this to try and get some of the negative energy out.

Comments

[Scampy]

This was very well written. It's always clear when fics involving suicide are handled with respect, and when they're using the subject as a plot device to inject melodrama. Yours is most certainly the former.

Thank you for sharing this story.

[Boltstrike58]

9827384
Thanks. That means a lot coming from you, since you wrote The Time We Have Left, which I enjoyed reading, and I felt did justice to the subject matter.