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My Little Friends10 stories ·15 members

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Twilight finds a book of dark magic in the Canterlot archives. She quickly becomes obsessed with it, and her friends begin to grow worried. Written for kirbs2002's Super Fanfiction Challenge.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 5 )

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Weisted Machine

Weisted Machine #1 · Aug 13th, 2012 · · ·

uhm... wow, ok a few errors, I think you should add some detail in the begining, and some more speaking, too

nota999

nota999 #2 · Aug 13th, 2012 · · ·

1080739
Thanks for the feedback. I'll take it into consideration. I don't usually write fanfiction (about anything), so I'm not tremendously experienced with it. Not that that's an excuse though.

MissytheAngle

MissytheAngle #3 · Aug 15th, 2012 · · ·

I think this could have been much longer--such a story of Twilight being corrupted by a dark book could be a few chapters longer than this was. I like your style of writing and believe I'd like this better if it was extended. But since it's not, things feel kind of rushed and a bit out of pace. Also, some details like in the beginning like 1080739 wrote would be nice.

Littlecolt

Littlecolt #4 · Aug 17th, 2012 · · ·

The premise has a lot of promise. I think this could stand to be a bit longer, it feels rather rushed. With some work, this could be much better. It's already pretty interesting.

ProBrony

ProBrony #5 · Sep 17th, 2012 · · ·

Hmm. Overall, I liked it. You stuck to your rating and genre nicely. I have to say, there wasn't a lot of character development or anything, and that all action in the story was incredibly sparse. It felt like reading a children story, which is not a necessarily bad thing. I actually liked it, it was refreshing to read something to the point and not weighed down. If you'd like to develop as a writer, examine your characters thoughts and describing what's going on more thoroughly will help you immensely. Keep writing please.